**A/N: I had... an insane summer. I'm sorry for not posting, but trust me, if I told you what my family endured (and are honestly still dealing with), you'd 100% get it. Things are much better, I'm about to finish my second university program and I had an interview for my dream job today. Which is why it felt like a REALLY good time to return to this. Again, I am so sorry for the delays. Like I said, insanity this summer which made this story go from a priority to literally not thinking about it at all.

Chapter 11

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Bethany asked Theo as she sat on the couch with him, turning her attention to the TV.

"I can't," he said passively.

"Fair enough," was her response as she pulled Molly closer to her, the calico cat letting out a little yelp of surprise. "Steve sleeping?"

"I think so," Theo replied. "He was in the shower for a while. I think he was crying." There was a pregnant pause as this statement settled into the silent room. "Bethany?"

"Yeah kid?"

"Why aren't we crying?"

This made Bethany pull her gaze away from the re-runs of The Simpsons to look at the growing boy. It was true. She hadn't seen Theo cry lately. And sure, she had cried. But not since they returned to Earth. There was a finality about the situation now that wasn't there a day ago. "I don't think I have an answer for you," Bethany admitted with a sigh. "I guess we just… everyone deals with things differently."

"Are they really gone?" Theo continued, his voice steady, eyes still on the television.

"That's what we were told," Bethany shrugged. "That's what it looks like. But…"

"But?" Theo pressed on when Bethany abandoned her thought.

Bethany shifted on the couch, feeling the build-up of lack of sleep throughout her system. She had sat outside the compound for hours. Carol had kept her company the entire time, keeping silent and letting Bethany think as she watched the sky change colours. "But science indicates that people don't just disappear into thin air."

"But what about magic?"

"Exactly," Bethany pointed out, much to Theo's confusion. "Who's to say that these Infinity Stones are the end all, be all of magic? We didn't even know about magic a decade ago. And the fact that a talking racoon took me to space really prompts me to believe that there's a lot in this universe that we don't know about. And even if I'm wrong… it's better to have hope than be hopeless."

The two fell back into silence. It was only when the program ended did Bethany get off the couch, prompting Theo to try and get some sleep, even if it was for a few hours, before turning for her bedroom. Leaning against the doorframe, Bethany watched Steve sleeping for a moment. Long gone was the evidence of tears on his face, but there was a sense of unrest on his face. Taking in a deep breath, Bethany felt that pinch at the end of her nose that usually was followed by tears.

No, she told herself. No crying. She wanted to. She knew that Carol was questioning Bethany's calm demeanour outside the facility, but the truth was… she had some insane control about her emotions in this moment. It wasn't necessarily that she was in denial. In fact, she knew exactly what reality was showing her. It was true that she did have this odd nagging feeling that they'd somehow find an answer to their problems, but that didn't change that fact that all three of her children had ceased to exist.

No, she told herself again, reeling the emotion back. Lifting a hand up to a spot just beyond her hairline, she touched the spot that she knew beyond the surface laid Wakanda's experimental device, the one that was supposed to be able to help her live her life with no mental health issues. And because of the unnatural strength she felt, the ability to will her emotions back to a state of calm, she knew that it was working overtime; working to help her overcome something that it hadn't exactly been created for. No one would have ever guessed this was going to be her future; but without that device, Bethany knew a relapse would be inevitable.

Don't cry, she told herself again, more confident, as she walked towards the bed and carefully curled up around Steve. She brushed some hair away from his forehead, feeling emotion curl up inside her. He was the reason she was trying to keep her emotions under control. He needed her. It was as simple as that. And Bethany worried that if she let herself cry, that would be it. She wouldn't be able to gather her strength back. There would come a day when she would let herself feel the grief and the pain through screams and tears and breakdowns. But right now, her grief and pain were on her mind, but allowing her to keep control. Steve was always there for her when her emotions overwhelmed her, allowing his own emotions to take second place. She never had the strength to do that before. But now, because of Wakanda science, she could.

"Hey," Bethany whispered softly when Steve began to show signs of a nightmare. She touched his face lightly, watching as it rejected the touch for a moment before his eyes opened in alarm. "Hey," she repeated, allowing him to sit up. "It was just…"

A dream, she thought. But the fact was… it wasn't.

There was silence within every room of the Facility. There was not a smile, a laugh to be found. Steve sat at the island, looking at the breakfast Bethany had just served him after they walked the Facility after his nightmare. Back during the war, walking had always helped him to clear his mind. And like the war, his nightmares then often mirrored his reality. The main difference was that without those smiles and laughs, it was harder to pull himself out of the melancholy.

"Please eat," Bethany told him, repeating a previous statement.

He looked up at her, seeing enough desperation for him to give in. His eggs were cold, but he didn't care. "We don't have to talk about it now," Bethany began, sitting beside him and drinking her coffee. "But I don't think we should stay here."

"Where do you want to go?" Steve asked. There was a lot of options, but somehow, none of them seemed to solve any problems. It was evident that moving was needed so they could get a new environment. Steve had already packed up a lot of stuff from their house just beyond the Facility, but the farmhouse still had their entire life within it.

"I was thinking Jen's," Bethany continued after sipping. "But I don't think that'll be good for Theo. I think we ask him but, if not-"

"You want to move somewhere new," Steve summarized with a nod.

Bethany put her mug down, reaching out a hand to rest on his thigh. "I think it would be a good idea. For everyone to just take a step back and… and figure things out."

"Figure what out?" Steve asked, putting down his fork. "Figure out what to do next? We do nothing, Bethany."

"Shh," she warned him, looking back to Theo sleeping on the couch. "Steve, I know you're upset, but-"

"Of course, I'm upset," he replied in a loud whisper. "Why aren't you more upset?"

Looking him dead in the eye, Bethany responded with "because I'm afraid if I let myself fall down, I won't be able to claw my way back up. And right now, one of us needs to have their head on their shoulders. One of us needs to figure out our next step, figure out how we're going to tell the world, figure out whether we accept defeat or keep hoping for some miracle. Okay? The world has fallen to shit and I'm one of the very few who have the ability to push that all away so that it doesn't continue to collapse."

Steve could see that deep in her eyes, she did feel the pain he felt, but that her words were true. She had an ability to keep that at bay for now and he saw the value in that. "I'm sorry," he whispered, feeling himself starting to break down again. He was so used to being the rock. But his entire mind was a loop of watching Bucky's body turn to ash, gone with the wind, in front of his eyes. His heart longed to feel Jamie run and give him a hug. He felt so broken realizing that he would never see the girls play again. That he'd never watch Greta throw her food on the ground, or Rosie cry until he would pick her up again. That everything that had been so beautiful and sacred in his life had literally disappeared through his fingers like sand. That ultimately, there was a huge hole in his world.

And the one person that remained, Bethany, was sitting in front of him, bearing the weight for both of them. He hadn't even realized he had begun to cry until Bethany was holding his shaking body in her arms. She kissed the side of his face, her own breath hitching, as if her body was attempting to let the tears fall, but she continued to swallow those tears back to hold him. Unlike every other time Bethany had comforted Steve, she offered no words of comfort; there were no words to give. They had no idea if things were going to be okay. If life would get easier. If the pain would go away. And there was nothing she could offer to help. So, she held him, rubbing his back, kissing the top of his head, letting him cry like he never had.

This kind of pain was unbearable. No words could accurately describe it. All he knew was that his chest was tight, and it felt like breathing was the most difficult thing in the world to do. He felt even weaker than he did when he was a sick, asthmatic child. No amount of physical strength saved his family and now it truly seemed like he had no more strength to give.

"You don't have to do this today, you know," Natasha told Bethany as she started to put packing boxes into the quinjet. "You can wait."

"I know," Bethany replied. "But there's no reason not to do it today. Things aren't going to be any better tomorrow. Next week. And the longer we wait, the stinkier that fridge is going to get."

"And you're sure you don't want me to come with you?" Natasha pressed further. None of them had got much sleep since they returned from Wakanda, but it seemed like Bethany hadn't got more than a couple hours all together. Steve had confided in Natasha that in the week since they had returned from space, he hadn't seen Bethany sleep once. That any sleep she got was in between his own ragged sleeping patterns. It was evident on the woman's face. Her bags were deep and bruised and she seemed to be lacking a lot of physical strength as she moved the empty boxes into the quinjet.

"I appreciate the offer, but I need you here," Bethany told her. "You're the only one I trust that can talk Steve off the ledge if he gets there."

"Which is another reason why you should leave this for another day. Or let us do it for you."

Bethany stopped her hustle and bustle, running her hand through her hair. "Natasha, I can't be idle for another day. I can't watch everyone just… sit and do nothing. Okay? I had to tell the entire world that their loved ones aren't coming back. I had to tell them that there was nothing we could do. And now… now it's time for us to find a way to cope with everything. And this is the first step. Not just for me, but for Steve. He can't stay here much longer, Nat. He looks around and all he sees is failure. Please, just please. Watch him. Bruce, Carol and I shouldn't be too long."

Natasha could see the red rimming Bethany's eyes, her patience and stoic face threatening to crumble at any moment. She had watched her friend do better than the rest of them throughout the week, but always seemed to be one moment away from breaking down. But that moment never came. "Okay," Natasha finally conceded. "I still don't think it's a good idea, but… if you feel like this is what you need to do, I can't stop you."

"Thank you," Bethany sighed before continuing to pack.

Natasha turned away from her friend, walking away from the hanger and on her way to see Steve, but stopping as Bruce was walking towards her. "Is she ready?"

"Almost," Natasha confirmed.

"And she still thinks today is a good day?"

"Trust me Bruce, she has her mind set on it," Natasha confirmed, turning her head back momentarily in the direction of the hanger. "I don't know what's going to happen, but…"

"Carol and I will watch over her," Bruce reassured.

"And then?" Natasha asked. "Have you decided what you're doing next?"

Bruce shuffled a little in his spot, his awkwardness coming out full force. Everyone was trying to figure out what to do next, but Natasha had a feeling she'd end up at the compound on her own. Carol, Rocket and Nebula had all expressed that they needed to head back to space to deal with the aftermath of Thanos. Tony and Pepper had left without saying goodbye a few days ago. Thor was completely disengaged and was probably going to either eat himself to death or leave the same way Tony did. They were all dealing with their failure and grief in their own way.

"I don't know Nat," Bruce admitted, but by his voice, she could tell that he did. He would also be leaving. "Have you convinced Clint to come here yet?"

"No," Natasha spoke with a watery friend. She was worried about Clint—besides a frantic call from the archer after his entire family had disappeared, she hadn't been able to get in touch with him. It was as if he had dropped off the face of the earth, using whatever spy skills he had to keep her away. But she knew all his tricks and was determined to find him. She hated to think that he was alone right now.

With an awkward smile of defeat, the two parted ways. Never in her life had Natasha felt so helpless. There was nothing she could do to help her friends. Her family. Herself. The world around them was falling apart and the to-do list to put it back together—or at least a somewhat new version of normal—was growing every day. People refused to accept that their families were gone, posting missing posters all over every public surface they could find. Others were trying to cash in life insurance policies, to which they were being denied of—there was no proof of death. Schools had ended abruptly for the year, sick and grievance days were adding up left and right, and stores and businesses were trying they best to scramble to fill job post of the missing and severely depressed. The streets were filled with abandoned cars, making it almost impossible to drive from one place to another. Major positions in governments were opened, and the question of declaring a state of emergency was a constant question. Services that were deemed essential were suffering under the pressure of continuing to do business as normal in a world that was not normal. And in a lot of cases, just like Clint, Bethany and Steve were without their children, children were without their parents.

But despite the growing number of issues, what came as an immediately surprise was the lack of blame the world seemed to place on the Avengers. It was one thing to blame destruction and death on them when they were on the top, running their system as they pleased. The Accords had fractured the team, and even though they all fought against Thanos, it wasn't as a team. The world seemed to realize that, and question nonstop if it would have made a difference. Natasha wasn't exactly sure it would have, but then again, she didn't think they would have failed not once, but twice against the Mad Titan.

"Knock knock," Natasha announced as she opened the apartment door to the Rogers' living quarters.

"I don't need a babysitter," Steve replied from his spot at the island. In his hand was a mug, but it looked like he abandoned drinking it a while ago. He looked ragged. He had shaved his beard before they took their journey to space, but it was already growing back in thick. His hair was a mess on top of it, and his eyes were that same colour of red she had noticed in Bethany's.

"How about a friend?" Natasha offered, taking a seat across from him and offering him as much of a smile as possible. "I'm just here to keep you company, Rogers."

"No, you're here because Bethany asked you to be," Steve pointed out. "Which I can't blame her for, because if the shoes were reversed, I'd ask you to be with her too. Nat, I don't know how to do this."

"I don't think anyone does," Natasha replied softly. "Baby steps, I guess. Like maybe… shaving?"

Steve's hand absentmindedly reached up to the stubble on his face, but instead of making a chuckle in acknowledgement, it just fell back down to cradle his mug. "She was pretty determined to do this today."

"Yeah," Natasha agreed, waiting for Steve to continue. She could tell he was fighting an internal conversation with himself. "They probably just left."

Steve nodded, staring into his mug. "You know, she didn't even ask me if I wanted to go. She just told me that she was. I think she was worried I'd delay her plans. That I'd say I'd go with her, but then suggest we wait. And wait. And wait."

"Would you have?"

Steve shook his head, letting out a breath. "I don't know. I don't think so. But then again… I don't know what I would do when I get there. And that scares me."

"I think it scares her too," Natasha shared. "She's keeping up a strong front but… it doesn't take much for demolish an already crumbling building."

"You think she's doing that bad?" Steve asked, his eyebrows creasing together.

"I think everyone is," she replied. "The difference is that she's trying to patch the cracks with band aids. Eventually she'll fall down."

"She said she's staying strong for me," Steve confided in his friend quietly. "Which I appreciate. But watching her fighting back the emotions…"

"It's just delaying the inevitable," Natasha continued with a nod. "I was thinking that too."

"She's worried that if she lets herself feel everything that she won't be able to pull herself back together," Steve whispered. "And I'm worried about that too. She's the strongest person I know, and yet also the most fragile. But I have a lot more faith in her ability to pull herself back together than she does. And I don't even have that faith for myself."

"In her defense, the last time someone she loved disappeared, she was pretty depressed for sixty plus years," Natasha reminded him. "And the only thing that really pulled her out of that state was when you came back. History repeats itself."

"She's different now though," Steve pointed out.

"Yeah, because she let herself love and dream and create a life for herself," Natasha pressed on. "Steve, you didn't know her back then. Even when she would smile and laugh, it was a fraction of what they were when you came back. But you're right… she has you now. That makes a difference, I guess. She has a reason that she didn't have before."

"But she doesn't," Steve argued lightly. "She doesn't have me. I'm sitting here, in my pajamas, while she's off to pack up our life. Alone."
"Not alone," Natasha corrected. "Bruce and Carol are with her."

"Without me," Steve added, looking down at his lap. "I should have gone with her. And forced myself to be strong. As much as she wants me to feel… I should be there with her. In case she needs me. Clearing out a house on the outskirts of the property line is much different than a different continent."

Natasha offered him a little smirk. "Well, there's always another quinjet you could take, you know."

Bethany, Bruce, and Carol stood outside the farmhouse, packing boxes under their arms. "I really can't picture you living here," Bruce let slip. "I mean, I always picture you living in the city. But a farm?"

"It was my retirement plan," Bethany explained softly. "We don't need to pack everything up. Just clean out the stuff that'll go bad, cover the furniture and pack away the rest."

"What's coming back with us?" Carol asked as Bethany led them towards the house.

"The boxes in the basement, and the stuff on the top floor. Nothing from the main floor," Bethany instructed as she opened the door. It was eerily quiet in the house. A thin layer of dust had already settled down upon the haphazard front hall. They had left in such a hurry that they hadn't even picked up the coats that had fallen off the hooks, or the shoes that had been kicked to the side. Bethany reached down to pick up the little green boot in her way, clutching it to her chest for a moment. "I'll-I'll go start cleaning the kitchen," she decided, deciding that it was the safest room to gather herself.

Ignoring the drawings on the fridge, Bethany opened the doors and cringed at the smell. Quickly closing it again to conceal the smell, Bethany turned to get a big garbage bag from the drawers before beginning her task again. There was lumpy milk, rotten eggs, moldy leftovers, and brown vegetables. Even after long missions, Bethany never returned to a fridge that looked quite as horrendous. There were a few things that were still in decent shape, but she threw them into the garbage with everything else. When the fridge was empty, Bethany made work at the freezer, only looking up when she saw Carol in the adjacent room, laying old sheets over the living room furniture.

On their way over, Bethany had asked Carol about her knowledge of magic relics with the powers of the Infinity Stones. The woman had looked shocked, but then understanding quickly settled in.

"You're wondering if there's a way to undo what has been done, without the Stones," Carol had surmised.

"I know it sounds like desperate hope but… how can I accept this as done when the universe is a vast, confusing unknown to me? Where I literally live in a world where magic exists, it's just beyond what I understand and know of."

Carol was quiet for a moment before sighing. "I don't know of anything… but that doesn't mean that there isn't something. I do know that the Infinity Stones were the most powerful weapon in the universe… that I knew of. But you're right. There could be something else."

"I'm not saying we launch a full investigation," Bethany explained, looking over to Bruce who was intently working on something on a tablet. "I'm saying that science and magic could have a tool that we don't know of. And if you happened to ask around…"

"I'll ask around," Carol nodded before adding. "Does Steve know?"

"No," Bethany admitted. "Carol, I'd rather you not tell him. I don't think he can take false hope right now."

Carol bobbed her head in agreement before adding "can you?"

In reality, Bethany didn't know. While everyone else was grieving their loved ones, Bethany had been thinking about every single scientific theory she knew of. She laid away at night thinking about ways to undo what had been done, without the Stones. The issue laid in the fact that besides travelling back in time, there didn't seem to be any realistic approaches. And if she was, theoretically, going to consider time travel, she was having a difficult time trying to pinpoint exactly where to start. Which is why magic, ironically, seemed like a more realistic answer.

**A/N

Wonderwomanbatmanfan: No, I'll be updating when I can. I didn't plan on taking this long between updates, but there was a huge health scare in my family that we're still dealing with, so I'll be updating when I find the time :) But yes, I'm thinking that I'll do like a chapter for each year that passes within the story, which will probably start at chapter 13.

zikashigaku: Oh, he'll be walking on eggshells, and you know it'll drive our girl absolutely nuts! I have some storylines planned for Theo so that'll be fun for them ;)

anonymouscsifan: I love Carol personally, so I do want her and Bethany to be friends. I think they are alike in a lot of ways, and more importantly, would respect each others immensely. I am doing fine! Even my mental health has been great despite the family health scare, so that's good. Time just keeps slipping away from me, unfortunately.