TW: Injury (Please let me know if you think I should add any others - ty)
December 1976
Hermione had wanted to spend the December moon in the Hospital Wing with Remus. But her brother had insisted he'd be okay alone and taken himself away to the infirmary claiming illness.
She knew why he did it. She and Kingsley had been spending more and more time together after the attack. Finding comfort in each other amid the darkness and anger that permeated through the castle as people processed what had happened; and as tensions rose with everyone trapped together until the holidays.
Hermione had reciprocated his actions but other than that they hadn't gone any further with their relationship. Enjoying the new heights they had gone to but comfortable in where they were. Neither wanting to push the other any further for the moment.
Still, they spent most evenings together. Quietly appreciating each other's company, a respite from everything happening around them. She knew Remus was reluctant to pull her away from her routine or risk Kingsley asking uncomfortable questions about whichever relative they claimed was sick so they could both escape.
Instead, they had followed the usual pattern with Remus disappearing off to the Hospital Wing the day before the moon when his symptoms meant he began to feel truly awful.
She hoped the previous night's moon had gone well. All three boys should have been able to join her brother in the shack, and hopefully, it had made the night easier for Remus. He always suffered more when tensions were high. Something about anxiety making Moony more aggressive than usual in a way that only led to his aggressions being taken out on himself.
Entering the Great Hall, she didn't notice anything at first, heading towards the Gryffindor table to eat with the Marauders as she usually would before they all went to find Remus. But, looking at the table, it was immediately apparent something was wrong.
None of the boys were present, something that immediately set Hermione on edge thinking of all the terrible things that could have happened. The ways in which one of them could have been injured or her brother could have harmed himself, and she felt her heart start to race.
As she started to leave the Great Hall, intent on getting to the infirmary, she overheard snippets of conversations that stopped her.
"... I've never seen them like it before. I thought they were going to fight right there in the common room."
"Well, I mean Potter threw that punch and stormed out. There wasn't exactly time."
Hermione didn't understand what she was hearing but abandoned all thoughts of going to the Hospital Wing until she knew what to tell Remus. Glancing around, she set her gaze on Lily, hoping she'd have answers.
She was amid the other Gryffindor girls when Hermione approached,
"Hey Evans - do you know what's going on with the boys?"
Lily looked up at her with anxiety in her eyes, "I don't really know Lupin. Just that they got in a massive fight last night. We could hear it from down in the common room and next thing I know James is storming downstairs, Sirius following him. They were still yelling at each other, and suddenly James was storming out even though curfew had already passed. I tried to stop him, but I don't think he even noticed me."
Hermione could feel dread building up in her stomach thinking about it, but she still didn't know what had happened.
"You don't know anything else?" She pleaded.
Auburn eyebrows drew together as Lily replied, "I'm sorry, I honestly don't …"
Marlene interrupted before she could continue, "Look Lupin, I'd just be glad your brother was stuck in the Hospital Wing last night because it was ugly."
Lily nodded through the interruption before continuing, "Yeah, it was bad. I don't even know what it was about. James and I were supposed to be studying last night, but Snape interrupted, and then he and Black were fighting. We got out of there pretty quickly, but I think it was something to do with you and your brother that set him off. We didn't get back until later, and next thing I know you can hear them yelling at each other through the tower."
Hermione went cold at Lily's words. She knew about a fight between Snape and Sirius already. One that she had purposefully forgotten about as it was too horrible to consider until that moment, but she felt fear run through her at the thought it had played out here.
The fight between Snape and Sirius that led to him revealing her brother's biggest secret. She prayed it wasn't what had happened, but she could think of nothing else that would have led James to have such a violent reaction, to prompt him to rush out of Gryffindor Tower without even glancing at Lily.
She felt panic consuming her in a way it never had before. Even during the attack on Hogsmeade, she had never felt dread as strongly as she did then. She couldn't focus on anything. She only knew she had to get out of there and find her brother to confirm or deny what she feared.
"I … I have to go," she stuttered, all but running out of the Great Hall.
She was almost dazed as she made her way to the Hospital Wing. Barely aware of her surroundings, she didn't notice him until he caught her elbow and spun her to face him.
"Sirius," she breathed, searching his face and immediately seeing the bruise surrounding one of his eyes and the guilt shining out of them.
She didn't want it to be there though. It couldn't be, because she didn't know what to do if it were. He still hadn't spoken, the two of them standing inches from each other assessing.
"Sirius," she finally continued, begging "What's happening?" She knew she sounded almost frantic as she said it, but she couldn't stop herself.
"What have you heard?" His voice was dark and low and did nothing to soothe her.
"I don't even know," she cried, "Only that you and James had a massive fight after you were arguing with Snape about Remus and me..."
As she spoke, he started grimacing, and her fears were all but confirmed, but she still needed to hear it.
"... so I don't know ," her voice was panicked by this point, "but everything I'm imagining is terrible, so I need you to tell me what happened." At that point, her voice broke.
"Hermione," he sighed, remorseful, "I think you know."
"No, no, I don't," she pleaded, "I need to hear it from you. I need you to tell me what happened."
She was desperate for him to deny it and, in their nearness, was almost hitting him in the chest with her panicked movements.
"It was never meant to happen," he started, voice gravelly like he didn't want to admit to what he was about to, "I never thought he'd actually go."
Fear gripped her chest at his words, "Oh, Sirius, no," she breathed out before she could stop herself. "Please tell me you didn't let Snape know where my brother was last night."
"You know I did."
"No. No. You didn't. You wouldn't be that stupid. Please tell me this is some horrible joke."
She could feel tears pooling in her eyes through her pleas and prayed he would say it was.
"It's not Hermione. He was never actually meant to go," Sirius rushed to explain, but the damage was already done, "I never thought he'd be in any danger. I thought he'd hear some noises and chicken out."
"Stop it! Stop. Stop making excuses for yourself. This is your fault, God, what have you done?"
"Hermione …"
"NO!" she pulled herself away from him as she shouted, "Just leave me alone. Oh god, I've got to find Remus."
Anxiety consumed her at the thoughts of her brother, "He's probably killing himself."
She could feel the tears in her eyes again and was back to barely noticing her surroundings, focused only on one goal, muttering to herself, "Hospital Wing. I've got to get to the Hospital Wing."
"Hermione," his voice interrupted her thoughts, "You're clearly upset. Just let me help you. I'll take you to find Remus."
Suddenly anger coursed through her, "I said no Black," she snapped, "I don't want to be around you, and I doubt Remus does either. Just leave us alone. You've done enough damage."
Calling him his last name seemed to have stunned Sirius more than the rest of her declaration. She wasn't surprised. She didn't think she'd ever called him that before. Knowing how much he hated his family and everything they stood for, she had avoided associating him with them as much as possible.
Besides, even if they had never been as close as she was with James, they'd certainly never been on a last name basis. Their respective friends too close to allow such unfamiliarities, but right then she was too angry and upset to have cared.
She couldn't believe it had happened. Part of her had known it was a possibility, that it had happened before so there was the chance it could happen again. But that it actually had was another matter entirely.
That Sirius would be so reckless with her brother's life was something she couldn't believe. She knew he was still a boy at heart, brash and wild, but she hadn't wanted to consider the possibility he was careless. That the boy she'd come to put so much trust in, between caring for Remus and helping her with the transformation, was so unthinking and so far from the man she wished he was.
Still, it had happened, and she knew Remus. He would be destroying himself over something that was entirely out of his hands. It was an actualisation of every one of his fears, and she knew he would be determined to lock himself away from the world, possibly even from her. Hermione could only hope she could somehow convince him he would never harm her.
Leaving a still stunned Sirius in the corridor she spun away from him, tears blurring her vision and fury igniting her veins.
Remus hunched in on himself as she rounded the curtains to his bed. He usually looked ill the morning after the full moon. Bones aching from the transformation, skin too tight like it wasn't quite his, but she had never seen him look this bad. Like he wished he hadn't made it through the night.
Hermione's heart broke that her brother had been put in this position. Another part of her, though, was filled with rage. Fury that this could have happened. That one of her brother's friends would have endangered him like this but also at herself.
That she allowed this to happen, even knowing it was a possibility. That she had been so distracted by everything else going on in her life that she put her brother, who had always done everything possible to protect her, in danger.
"Remus," she whispered, not wanting to spook him as if he didn't already know she was there.
"Hermione," he replied, sorrow lacing the word, and her heart broke for her brother again, "You know then?"
She nodded. She'd never seen her brother look so vulnerable and she found she didn't know what to do. What could she? It was the worst betrayal this version of her brother had ever experienced, and she had let it happen. Distracted by Kingsley and her worries over the future she'd lost track of the present.
"Black told me.," She still couldn't bring herself to call him by his first name. The wound too fresh.
Remus grimaced at her words and somehow hunched even further in on himself. Her usually tall brother looked tiny in the hospital bed as if he were trying to disappear from existence entirely.
"I shouldn't be here," he all but whispered, "You shouldn't either; you should stay away from me."
She was shaking her head even as he said it. She couldn't let him convince himself he was dangerous. Not when he had done nothing but be put in terrible situations over and over again while blaming himself every time. She couldn't let him do it again, not this time.
"Oh, Remus, no. You belong here more than anyone, and I'd never leave you. I couldn't. You're mine, remember?"
It was a promise they had made each other years ago. Two terrified children about to be split apart for the first time as her brother was locked in their cellar for his transformation. The two of them clinging to each other as their parents separated them, neither understanding why. Only knowing that weeks before, they had faced off against a monster and Remus had stood in front of her the whole time. Only for Hermione to spend days refusing to move from his Hospital bed, unwilling to be parted from her other half.
They had both been terrified as their parents tried to lock Remus away and there Hermione had made the declaration that they couldn't take him. That he was hers. Somehow, their parents had separated them from where they had wrapped around each other, but her words stood.
The next morning, as her brother grappled with the reality of what had happened to him, too young to understand but his tiny body bloodied and exhausted, all the same, she had made the same promise. That she would never leave him because he was hers, and he had said the same—a vow never to leave each other.
They had all but forgotten it over the years. Both knowing it was true but neither needing the reassurance of the words. Here and now though, as her brother berated himself for something that wasn't even his fault Hermione knew she'd never leave him, no matter how much he may try and force her away, she would never go.
James still couldn't believe it had happened. He still struggled to process how that day had gone so wrong even weeks later. How his meeting with Lily had been derailed, only for him to escape with her to the kitchen and how perfectly that time together had gone.
Lily had overlooked the fact he somehow sneaked them into the kitchens. Instead, enjoying the snacks house-elves happily provided them with. They had passed hours there, just talking. Learning more about each other, covering mundane topics like their families but darker ones too. The attack, the feel of the castle over the previous month, all of it discussed over steaming hot chocolate in the hushed voices of people who couldn't quite believe the conversation was happening.
It had all gone drastically wrong after that. The two of them separating in the common room he'd slipped upstairs gleefully. Head filled with thoughts of the afternoon and Lily's soft smiles as they talked. He'd been so ready to tell the other Marauders how he'd spent the afternoon as he entered their dorm.
The soft smiles were all but incinerated from his mind through what followed though. Peter and Sirius laughing over the great prank Sirius had played on Snape. A prank that made James' blood run cold as it had been explained to him.
He honestly didn't remember what had happened after that. The whole evening a blur of panic and fear; for Snape, for his friend, for himself. All of it clouding his memory.
He and Sirius still hadn't talked. Punches thrown during a fit of anger the least of their issues. They had fought plenty before. Living together for the past five years, they had had plenty of arguments, but none of them had been like this—none where people's lives were literally on the line.
He'd never considered his best friend to be like his family before; too much his brother to be anything like the Black's but James questioned whether he'd been naive now. He didn't think so. As much as he hated what Sirius had done, and as much as he still hadn't forgiven him for it, he at least hoped it wasn't purposefully malignant.
He didn't know why Sirius had done it, Not that any excuse would be enough to make up for revealing the secret Remus had so hesitantly trusted them with, but part of him still wanted to know.
He knew Sirius was reckless. The two of them were too similar in that respect, but he also knew nothing could have led to him doing the same thing, so he couldn't understand why Sirius had done it.
Still, he couldn't bring himself to talk to Sirius - punishing them both. And Remus wasn't speaking to any of them either.
Hermione had already been in the Hospital Wing when he had returned there the morning after The Incident. It was clear she already knew what had happened and the air of Remus' bay had been dark.
They had spoken briefly, Remus' thanking him awkwardly for saving Snape as if he could have done anything else. At that point, Sirius had entered the Hospital Wing, and the sombre air had shifted to fury.
Remus turned in on himself. Unable to confront Sirius with the betrayal so recent, and Hermione's rage had filled the space her brother shrunk away from.
He'd never seen Hermione so angry. It wasn't an argument. It couldn't have been called that. One person, so clearly explaining why they didn't want anything to do with the other, all while receiving nothing but unwanted apologies in reply.
After that, the Lupin Twins had closed ranks.
Everyone noticed the change. Neither of them was seen alone, they rarely talked to others, and there were no glimpses of Hermione and Kingsley silently studying in the stacks, that had become so commonplace over the term. The cause of their withdrawal was a source of open speculation in the castle, especially with the Marauder's so clearly not talking either.
Instead, the final weeks of the term passed with his friends barely talking to each other. He wasn't ready to talk to Sirius, and he didn't know how he felt about Peter's reaction. Joining Sirius in laughing at the idea of Snape facing off against a werewolf alone, so James rarely spoke to him either.
Remus only returned to their dorm late at night, barely acknowledging their presence and disappeared early in the morning. Intent on removing himself from their existences as much as possible.
The Marauders were separate entities for the first time in years.
Christmas was upon them though, and James was faced with a near-impossible decision. He hadn't told his parents what had happened. He couldn't. They didn't know about Remus' condition; and that was a secret he wasn't willing to betray, even to his family.
But he and Sirius still weren't talking, and James honestly didn't know when he'd be ready too. Yet, if Sirius didn't come back to the Manor for Christmas, his parents would immediately know something was wrong.
It only left him with one choice, but that didn't change his questions over whether he was ready to have that conversation. Still, he didn't have any other options.
He waited until after dinner to address him. Waiting until the now awkward time in the evening that used to be filled with poker, or planning pranks but now was spent ignoring each other's existence.
"Sirius," his friend looked shocked that James was addressing him, rather than relaying a passive-aggressive message through Peter, whenever he appeared from where he disappeared off to or ignoring him entirely. Part of James felt guilty; his friendship had got to this point. He pushed it aside though when he thought of the haunted look Moony still had weeks later.
"Mum's expecting you home for Christmas."
"She is?" his shocked expression remained as if Sirius thought he wouldn't be welcome in his own home and James felt guilt rise back up in his chest.
He knew Sirius had a complicated relationship with family. How could he not after everything his friend had been through? But, he had hoped Sirius knew even with everything that had happened, he would never be unwelcome in the Potter's home.
"Yeah," he settled on nodding in reply, "Look, I won't lie. I'm still furious over what happened, but Mum and Dad don't know and never need to find out, so you're coming home for Christmas, right?"
His friend nodded looking confused, and awkward silence settled back over the room. Both of them resigning themselves to an uncomfortable Christmas as they were unable to deal with what had happened.
AN: So I mentioned I moved a couple of events around from canon and The Prank (or The Incident as I prefer to refer to it) in one. At first I just couldn't find a definate date and then I read it was supposed to be in 5th year so I just moved it because frankly I wanted to write about it, and for me, it fits better here.
Especially because that scene where Hermione finds out that Sirius told Snape was one of the major inspos for this fic (tho not the only one). For Hermione its the realisation that this boy who she's put a lot of trust in has betrayed her and Remus, and I really wanted to write about it. So hopefully you guys liked it - and also like I'm sorry because there's angst coming.