Authors note: A little bit of naughtiness this chapter ;) and a little bit of sad but it will be ok, I promise!

Chapter 23. Frustration.

Kenpachi decided he had been patient for far too long. He was beginning to feel restless now, Jin had been within his grasp too many times already. It was frustrating, he knew how much she desired him but she still would not budge. His mind cast back to all the moments she teased and taunted him, all the times he touched her and was able to kiss her…all the times she touched him. It was the morning after their day at the restaurant and the Squad members were doing their usual training. Watching Jin train was making him horny. Finding out and thinking about how she stared at him the same way was making him horny. Sexual frustration was foreign to Kenpachi, he didn't really get it but he did know he wanted her under him. He growled in frustration as he stood up to go back to his living quarters.

Kenpachi sat on his bed contemplating, but his mind could only drift to all those naughty thoughts. He could feel himself getting hard, his erection beginning to press firmly against his loincloth. The times she trained and wore those tight leggings, the time he saw her naked in the lake, the time they were drunk and she almost grasped his…

Fuck it.

The Captain thought to himself. His throbbing cock sprung free as he untied his robe and went to grab it roughly. He didn't do it often, but it was all getting too much for him to resist. A guttural groan escaped from his mouth as began to move his hand back and forth. It felt good, but it also angered him. How could she make him feel this way? Why couldn't she come and just satisfy him herself?

Dammit. I know she wants it…

And why couldn't she let him satisfy her? He would be more than generous in taking the time to please her as well…

He continued to pleasure himself for sometime, meanwhile thinking about all the things he wanted to do to her. As he began to reach his climax, he grabbed an old cloth from the floor to satisfy himself into. Not quite what he desired, but it would have to do for now. During his post-orgasmic bliss, he panted heavily in relief as he felt his mind clear.

I can't keep this up much longer. I need to do something soon…

—

"Hey, Matsumoto."

"Eh? Who me?"

"Che, obviously, who the hell else would I be calling?"

As Kenpachi walked around the Seretei thinking of his next move, he spotted Rangiku Matsumoto near one of the popular sake bars. Likely trying to avoid paperwork or something knowing her, Captain Hitsugaya was probably going nuts elsewhere.

Maybe she'll tell me something useful.

As soon as Kenpachi thought that, he called out to her, making Rangiku stop immediately in her tracks. What could he possibly want from her?

"I wanted to ask you somethin'." He stated simply.

Rangiku looked perplexed, "What's this about Captain?"

"Jin. You're good friends right? Bet she talks to you a lot."

Oh, so that's what this is…I should've known. How cute. She thought smiling to herself.

"Oh Jin? Yes of course!" She beamed.

They spoke about Jin for a short while, right up until Rangiku proposed a plan…

"I dunno." Kenpachi spoke pessimistically, "Sounds kinda dumb to me."

"It'll work! Trust me." She persuaded, "She's quite the jealous type!"

"Huh..."

He was still a little distrustful, but what other plan did he have? Besides, she said they were basically best friends so…

The Captain gave in, "Sure, why not."

—

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me..."

Jin was in disbelief at what she was witnessing…Kenpachi sitting with Rangiku, in their usual spot on the veranda, both sharing a bottle of sake. Looking very cosy. Just like they always did together every Monday. Kenpachi knew Jin was coming to see him tonight (it was Monday)…

That bastard.

They both sat with big stupid grins on their faces, each with a cup of sake in hand, it made her blood boil.

"That's a real new low, right there!" She said exasperated, "For both of you!"

"Hey, I got needs Jin." Kenpachi teased, "Besides, you obviously ain't interested...so what's the problem?"

Jin could feel the emotions building within her, even though she knew it was all to make fun of her she still felt hurt and angry. She really was a jealous type.

That's our thing! That's my-

My man…?

Jin pushed the thought aside immediately, she was too wound up to admit her true feelings.

"You know exactly what you're doing! Don't pretend you don't!" She pointed at Kenpachi furiously, then Rangiku, "And you-!"

"What? Even I have to admit he's quite the man...got me tempted." Rangiku batted her eyes flirtatiously.

"Yeah, she only takes 1 date too." Kenpachi snickered.

Rangiku lifted the bottle of drink to him, "More sake, Captain Zaraki?"

He laughed mockingly as he offered his cup, "Oh, don't mind if I do!"

Jin didn't want to admit it. But they got her. Her and her Captain had gotten close, too close to be considered just friends. She had to make a choice, either be with him or let him go…she couldn't deal with this right now though. So as always when she felt overwhelmed, she simply ran away instead.

"I'm not going to entertain this." She hissed.

Rangiku perked up from her cup, and saw her friend storm out the door in obvious distress. She started to feel a bit guilty.

"Oh, wait Jin! We're just kidding! Come join us!" She called, then turned to look at Zaraki. "You should probably go after her."

"Tch, why bother..." He stared at the floor then snapped, "You still here?"

She sighed, "No, I was just leaving."

Jin's mind was swirling as she made her way back to her quarters.

How could they do that to me? Pressure me like that? They know I care but…they're trying to manipulate me…they…

But they're right…what am I doing? It's not fair. I can't own him like that if all I do is push him away.

He still has feelings…

I'm awful aren't I?

—

Jin laid lazily on her couch face down, one arm swinging off the edge agitatedly. Turning her head she stared absent-mindedly into the distance, unsure of what to do. After running away from her encounter with both Kenpachi and Rangiku she tried to distract herself through getting ready for bed. Except she couldn't sleep and she didn't really want to yet. What she wanted was to see her Captain and make sure they were both still ok. She lay for almost two hours, unable to commit herself to a choice. Sighing, she heaved herself up from her stubborn position, sitting upright for a little while frozen instead.

I can't sit about forever.

Before long, Jin found herself in front of her Captain's door. She brought her hand up hesitantly to quietly knock it, heart beating in her chest. It wasn't long before it opened. Kenpachi was stood in his casual evening robes with his hair down, his eye patch reattached from after bathing. Of course, at this time he'll have changed to get ready for bed. Jin found the scenario quite intimate, not many people got the chance to see their Captains so privately. The way he looked at her without judgment but rather acceptance, despite her late calling…she was forced to admit now, they were close.

Jin spoke faintly, "Hi…"

"Well, this is a change. You visitin' me." He lightly joked.

Kenpachi noticed the level of intimacy between them too, for he wasn't mad or impatient. In fact, he wanted her there. It was always nice to see her in her nightgown, cause no one else really did except himself. Those private moments between them, only he saw her like that. Sure, other people seen her naked but they never saw her just being herself and in her own space - comfortable and emotionally bare. Though Jin didn't seem very comfortable now, instead she seemed more withdrawn. He began to frown slightly.

"Yeah, I suppose it is." She said hushed, "Sorry…it's late-"

"I don't really like her, you know that right?" Kenpachi told her.

"I know…I-"

"Come on, I got fresh bottle just for you." He reassured, walking back in.

Jin followed him through quietly, she still wasn't really sure why she came.

"Where's Yachiru?"

"Bed." He scoffed, "Too many sweets. What else is new?"

"And that made her tired?" Jin queried.

"Yeah well, you see how much she eats." He said dismissively.

The Captain took his usual seat on the veranda, his back against the wall. Jin had been to his place before, but only ever briefly. It was the first time she really got the chance to sit and take in its surroundings. Mostly, it was the bare minimum and what you would expect of a man like Kenpachi. But there were also little scatterings of child-like objects here and there, pieces of paper and crayons for instance, that would be from Yachiru obviously. Jin took her seat a little away from him, whilst they sat gazing at a full moon, much like the first time they sat with sake.

"I've been meaning to ask you…" Kenpachi spoke gently, "Why didn't you come see me? When you joined Squad 2."

Jin sat protectively with her knees to her chest, "I just didn't think you'd remember me, mostly."

"Course I did." He affirmed, "Did you ever think about me? I thought about you sometimes, you know."

She turned her head slightly to look at him.

"A little bit." She admitted.

Something was off with Jin and Kenpachi could tell. She was closed off, distant. Not to mention she was barely looking at him. Her words were spoken so quietly. It was pissing Kenpachi off. This wasn't the kind of warriors he raised in his squad. If there was a problem then they should face it, not run away or hide. He found her stewing infuriating and pointless.

"Jin." He spoke impatiently, "Why won't you just let it happen? We both like each other."

Jin bit her lip, trying to muster her feelings into words. It was difficult, she always found words difficult when she felt in such disharmony with herself. But she knew this was Kenpachi, and he wouldn't wait for her to speak forever.

"For a start there's a power imbalance, you're my Captain." She murmured, "Not to mention quite a bit older too, not that it makes you less attractive…I just mean-"

"Tch, how many women am I in balance with?" He interjected, "I know it's not just that, besides I'm not that much older!"

Her deep blue eyes looked troubled and longingly towards him.

Kenpachi couldn't quite figure it all out, "What is it really? What's wrong? Do you think I'll hurt you? Be too rough? Is that what you're thinking?!"

"That's not it." she said meekly, "I just think we will want different things Kenpachi."

"What? What you talking about?"

"I want more than just a fling. I know I'll want more. I think I'd be too needy for you, then you'll get bored or tired of me, then I'll end up hating you..." Her voice started to break slightly, "I...I don't want to hate you, I really like it here and I really like you as my Captain."

He stared at her blankly, he couldn't quite understand her reluctance. She obviously liked him a lot. Then again she never did make sense. He always lived in the moment, he never thought about the bigger picture much at all.

"Why not just have fun and see how it goes? You don't know that'll happen." He said softly.

"I'll be too lovey for you. You'll only find me annoying." Jin commented.

"Che, I find you annoying already." He backhanded, "I'm still here now, aren't I?"

"I've got too close, it's not fair to you." Her eyes watered as she stood up to leave, "I'm sorry."

"Hey, hold on-" Kenpachi grabbed at her wrist in urgency.

Her arm was stretched out, as she turned towards the exit to run away. Kenpachi could only see the back of her head, unable to read her face. In that brief moment, he went from feeling frustrated to feeling in need. It was then he realised how much he came to rely on her. The sudden threat of her disappearing was hard for him. She was the only person since Yachiru to want to know him personally. Not as an admirer of his skills in combat, but for himself. She gave him something others hadn't, he wasn't sure what it was but he knew he wanted it. Around her he felt a little less…well, alone. He stared after her mournfully.

"Don't go." He begged, "Please...don't go."

His hand slid from grasping her small wrist tightly to gently holding her hand.

"I don't want you to leave...Jin...I-"

She tried to sooth his worries, "I just need to clear my head for a bit. That's all."

Jin didn't dare turn round to look at his face, she didn't want her already tugging heartstrings to make a hurried decision for her.

"Look I don't care about that if you don't want to…just-" Kenpachi pleaded, "I like talking to you."

"Okay." She spoke kindly, "But for now…give me some time, please?"

She turned her head slightly to smile reassuringly at him, still avoiding his gaze. Kenpachi opened his mouth to speak but remained quiet, as he let her hand slip away. Jin ushered herself out the room quietly to go back to her own bed, leaving her Captain alone to contemplate. He sat still for a while, staring into his sake cup, the moon's image reflecting off the liquid.

"Ken-chan?" Yachiru chirped.

"Go back to sleep kid." He replied.

"You seem a little sad Ken-chan."

"Don't worry about me, I'm just fine."