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Bornkiller9: I understand. Not every chapter's going to stand out, sometimes there will be filler. But thank you for as always! Hopefully this one will give you more to think about.

Chapter 10: 1871

Somehow Sarah found herself in Stefan's room. She wasn't sure how it had happened, only that after leaving Damon's room to return to her own, she hadn't. Instead she'd come up to Stefan's room, moving without thinking. Her subconscious had brought her here, but she couldn't understand why. Maybe it was to make her feel closer to Stefan in his absence.

Stefan.

The name rang through her head.

It wasn't by any means the first time she'd gone months without seeing him. Sometimes there were years between visits. But this was different. They'd settled down here, in this time and place. They'd made Mystic Falls their home again and that had meant something. That this time they were going to stay together and be a family again.

So why hasn't he come home?

The question, again, rang through her mind. She felt as though she knew the answer. As if it were on the tip of her tongue but she couldn't quite say it.

Still dazed, she wobbly across Stefan's room towards his desk, her legs giving out on the way. As she went down, she caught the edge with her hands and managed to steadied herself before she hit the floor. She looked around, poised as if about to fall, but still holding the desk to keep her balance.

They'd kept the room clean, but there was still a layer of dust. And an oder to the room – one of emptiness and abandonment. But Stefan wouldn't abandon them. Sarah smiled, knowing it to be true.

Her eyes then landed on his bookcase. The top shelf full of his diaries. Letting go of the desk, she made her way over, stumbling back and forth as she did. When she reached the bookcase she fell against it, fingers gripping the shelves and hoping the whole thing wouldn't come toppling down on her. It didn't thankfully.

She stared up, eyes roaming the shelf filled with Stefan's life story and thoughts. She'd come up here a couple of times over the summer. Her and Damon always got a kick out of reading Stefan's diaries together. But it didn't have the same thrill when he was away, so she'd been reading them alone recently.

Tonight she pulled out one of the earlier volumes, and almost brought the adjoining ones down with it as she clumsily yanked it out. She stumbled back but somehow found her footing and remained on her feet. A giggle came fluttering out, along with a giddy smile. For whatever reason, tonight felt like those times with Damon. Even though it was just her, she felt like she was doing something bad and that her brother would be annoyed with her for snooping.

Maybe it'd get him to come home?

The optimist thought kept the smile on and the giggles coming. That made sense to her, if she read enough of his diaries, he'd have no choice but to come home and tell her to stop like he always did. That was probably why he was in Mystic Falls tonight, why he'd killed Andie and warned Damon. So if she kept reading, he'd show up here and she'd see him again. She could even convince him to stay. It made perfect sense!

As Sarah fell into the desk chair, it reared up on its back legs, threatening to topple over it. It didn't thankfully, and swung back down onto all fours with a thud. Sarah continued to giggle at her masterful plan, flicking through the diary as she searched for something good to pass the time with until Stefan showed up. The first few pages of the century old book flicked by, but she dare not pass too many at once and risk ripping them. She might tease Stefan but she knew how precious these were to him.

She ended up stopping on an early entry, a few pages in. From 1871.

Blissfuly she began to read…until she realised what it was she was in fact reading. Even then she couldn't stop herself, her eyes continuing to skim down the lines, ticking them off as her heat sank further and further.

She was wrong. Stefan had abandoned her. He'd left her with Lexi, and that had been the first time she turned off her humanity. And as she relived that moment – one of the darkest in her life – what Damon had been saying came back to her. And as she replayed the conversation in her head, she felt the void of nothingness surround her. That dark isolating place that left her feeling so scared and afraid.

He's not coming back, Sarah.

He doesn't want to.

He came here to tell us to stop looking for him.

He's done with us.

He killed Andie.

Her lips parted, the tears streaming again. She'd hadn't understood, not consciously what was going on then. She'd blocked it out, but now in Stefan's room, reading about the first time he left her, she saw the truth. The truth she'd tried to hide from herself. Stefan was gone….and he didn't want to come back.

A loud smack echoed around her. It startled Sarah at first but then she realised what it was. The diary in her hand. Only it wasn't in her hand anymore. It had been hurled across the room into the wall. Now on the floor, spin facing up as the pages crumpled beneath the weight of the cover.

Then she cried out. An enraged cry of anguish. Her arms flew madly, catching the desk and flipping it over. A crash as everything on it was sent flying across the room. It wasn't enough. Sarah raced towards the bookcase and threw herself at it. The weight of her had the bookcase slam against he wall and bounce back. She jumped back out the way as it hit the floor – the wood cracking and splintering as books were caught underneath. Some escaped though. Some of Stefan's precious diaries. Sarah kicked at them all. Sending them into the wall like the first. She even sent one out a window, with broken glass for company.

Another cry, tears burning her face as she threw herself from one side of the room to the other. Anything that got in her path was either thrown or crushed or punched or torn. This is what she would have done before, back in 1871, if she hadn't been able to turn off her humanity. But right now she'd much rather be numb. The pain was so much, her chest ached and she couldn't stop crying. All she wanted was to lash out. To break everything around so that it resembled her family. Broken.

She snatched picture frames from the walls and began hurling them at lamps, doors, windows and even his bed. She caught glimpses of what the frames held. Happier times. Moments between the drama. Of herself, Stefan, Damon, Elena and all their friends. They were lies, all of them. It wasn't true, none of it was true. She'd been lied to again. She'd thought it would be different, that this time they really could stay together, forever, as a family.

"Sarah!"

Her head swung towards the doorway, Damon braced against the frame, eyes wide with alarm. "Stay away!" Sarah shouted at him, grabbing another picture and hurling it at him. He ducked, managing to avoid it. But the next caught the side of his face, leaving a cut on his cheek.

"You're a liar! Just like him, that's all you both do is lie to me! All you've ever done is lie!" More pictures were thrown. Less than half hit Damon as he made his way through the fire towards his sister. Once he was close enough he knocked the picture she was wilding from her hand and wrapped his arms around her, hushing her. She tired to push him away to wriggle free but he held on tightly, his lips pressed to her head.

"Get off me! Stop pretending you want to be here! Just go! Leave like he did and don't ever come back!" She clawed at him with her hands, begging him to tell her what she thought was the truth. But he refused, telling her it wasn't true and that he wanted to be here with her and that he wasn't going anywhere. More lies. All just to deceive her so that it'd hurt all the more later when he told her the truth. She couldn't feel this anymore, she had to turn it off. But no matter how much she willed it, the pain remained.

Suddenly she began to fall. She and Damon landed on Stefan's bed, his arms still locked around her torso. She must have been pushing him across the room, and from the strong smell of blood in the air she hadn't been too gentle about it. She continued to thrash around on the bed, Damon's arms tensing as they fought to hold on. He continued to say calming things but they had no effect on her. She was too worked up, in too much pain to listen. But on the bed she had no solid surface to push up on. She could bounce and thrash all she wanted, but Damon held her down.

The screams and cries and name calling and accusations went on for another hour. With every word accompanied by a punch, a kick, a scratch, or an elbow. Damon didn't fight back though. He just held on and beard through it, saying the same comforting words over and over until finally, they started to seep in.

After awhile Sarah grew still, Damon's arms still wrapped around her. She placed her hand over his and squeezed. He squeezed back and she knew he wasn't going anywhere. She didn't ask him to let her go, she didn't want him too. She needed the reassurance right now, that if he moved he'd take her with him. He wouldn't leave her behind like Stefan did.

The pain persisted. But Sarah just didn't have the energy to keep going. She was tired. Exhausted from everything. And while she couldn't turn her emotions off, the tiredness seemed to null them – at least enough to let her get some sleep. And while in that state, she knew Damon never shifted a muscle. Remaining with her through out the night and until morning. And in Stefan's bed, she smelt his lingering scent – from his unwashed pillows and sheets. That made it easier to dream. To dream that they were all together again. And that they were happy. Together and happy.

1871

In the weeks that followed Stefan's departure, Sarah and Lexi remained in the cottage. Lexi thought it best they remain in one place for the time being. At least until she could fix Sarah.

Sarah was still of the attitude that she didn't need fixing. Lexi argued with her about this daily, and when Sarah had tried to leave Lexi didn't let her. Naturally, they fought. Lexi being older, always won when it inevitably came to blows. It got so bad that Lexi stole her daylight ring and even brought in chains to restrain her. After a point it just became easier to go along with Lexi's scheme to bring back her humanity.

As the weeks past, Lexi began to think she was making real progress. Although she hated to chain up one of her best friends, the fact was it was necessary. She couldn't trust Sarah. She wasn't herself right now. And while Lexi tried to break through to her, she thrashed about and snarled like a caged animal.

The emotions were beginning to break through the surface. Sarah denied it though, insisted she wasn't as angry as Lexi knew she was, but that was natural.

Then finally some progress, as Sarah began to cry about Stefan leaving. Lexi had let her out then and held her. She hadn't tried to escape, instead clinging to Lexi and her support. That night was the first time they went to sleep without Sarah being chained up.

When Lexi awoke the next day, she went to stretch, only to then have her movement pulled to a halt. The motion confused her, her head turning and frowning as she found a heavy metal cuff around her wrist. She went to grab it with her other hand, only to find that chained as well. She give a tug with as much strength as she could, but didn't have the movement or space to build up the momentum.

"Comfy?"

Lexi looked up at the voice, seeing Sarah leaning back against the wall. And as she looked to the foot of her bed, Lexi saw her legs had been chains down too, with metal links that wrapped around the bed and her legs, binding them together.

"Sarah?" She went to sit up, but was again pulled back down. The chains around her wrist attached to the headboard.

"You're pocket probably wasn't the best place to hide my ring." Sarah made a show of looking at her hand, her daylight ring back in full show. "But then you probably thought I'd never be able to take it from you, at least not by force." Lexi gave another tug at her restraints but they didn't budge. Sarah had her tied up good.

"Sarah, let me go," Lexi growled.

"No," Sarah replied cooly.

"Sarah, I'm warning you, if you don't–" Sarah pulled back the thin curtain by the window. A beam of sunlight coming in and hitting Lexi right in the eyes. If being blinded wasn't bad enough, then having her skin set a light was. She screamed, tried frantically to escape the heat of the sun but had no where to go. All she could do was scream and twist her head back and forth. But no matter which way she turned, the sun caught her face.

After a few long, painful seconds, Sarah let the curtain fall back. The screaming stopped, but in its place was Lexi's heavy breathing. She glared towards Sarah, teeth clenched as her blotchy sunburnt skin began to slowly heal.

"That looks sore," Sarah said, not a hint of sympathy in her voice. Just a mere observation. The switch was back off.

"Sarah…just remember last night. Remember how you felt about–"

"I was faking it," Sarah stated, cutting Lexi off as she stared.

"What?"

"I faked the tears. The rest was just me telling you what you wanted to hear," Sarah explained.

"No, it wasn't," Lexi said, certain of herself.

"Yes, it was," Sarah said, anger forming in her voice.

Lexi perked up an eyebrow. "Getting angry are we?"

Sarah pulled back the curtain once more and the sunlight hit Lexi. Another round of screaming, this time lasting longer than the last. Lexi was all but sure she was about to catch on fire when Sarah finally let the curtain go.

Hissing as her skin healed, Lexi had to wait a few minutes before she could speak again. Her tender skin to sore to risk speaking. And while she healed Sarah patiently waited, leaned back against the wall with her arms folded. That was what she'd been doing this whole time, biding her time until she could turn the tables.

"All right," Lexi heaved when she was finally comfortable enough to speak. "Why am I still alive?" Sarah frowned, as if confused why Lexi would ask such a question.

"Why would I kill you?" Sarah asked.

"Why would you chain me up?" Lexi mimicked back, moving her chains as to make her point.

"Because you did it to me," Sarah said as if it were obvious. "Fairs, fair." She pushed off the wall then and began to make her way towards the door.

"But I let you out," Lexi pointed out before Sarah could leave.

"Yes, because I tricked you," Sarah said, looking back with her cold green eyes.

"So what, you're just going to leave me here?"

"Yes," Sarah answered, and for a moment panic flooded Lexi's eyes. Sarah smiled at it, then looked over to door leading into the other half of the cottage. The one where the humans they'd compelled where sleep. "I've compelled them to keep you fed and looked after. They'll let you go in a couple of weeks."

"Weeks?!" Lexi explained.

Sarah grinned back at her. "Fairs, fair remember." Again she turned to leave.

"But, where are you going?"

Sarah turned back around. The same frown as before, as if surprised that Lexi didn't already know. "To get revenge."

Lexi frowned. "Against who?"

"The ones who hurt me."

Lexi's frown deepened, mind working for a minute to see if she had missed something. "But…the Bitch is dead. She was burnt alive in the church remember? How are you going to get revenge against her?"

Sarah frowned again. "Katherine? Why would I want to get back at her?" Lexi's eyes widened, jaw dropping. Before she could even think of how to respond to that, Sarah continued, "She gave me a gift. She gave me immortality, power and a life free of emotions. A fair trade considering all she wanted was some pointless love – and if it wasn't, she's dead now. anyway"

Sarah then shrugged. A shrug that said she really didn't care about all the pain Katherine had caused her. That she honestly thought everything was square between them now. That despite what Katherine had done, they'd each walked away from some kind of twisted deal that left both parties happy. But Lexi knew Sarah wasn't happy, that she was only saying all this because of her turned off humanity. It was a lie, a lie she was telling herself. But there was still one thing that didn't make any since.

"But…if not the Bitch…then who are you getting back at?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Lexi's silence said it was not. Sarah rolled her eyes, advancing towards her as she spoke. "Who was it who always hurt me? Who was it who took me for granted? Who was it that never listened to me? Who was it that abandoned me?"

And at that it clicked for Lexi.

"You're brothers?" she whispered. And as she looked into Sarah's cold green eyes, she knew she was right.

"They're the source of it all my problems. Everything, leads back to them. How can I blame Katherine for what she did, when they let her get away with it."

"That's not fair–"

"But it is fair. Because I see it now, now that my thoughts aren't clouded with emotions. How can I blame Katherine for taking advantage of the situation. But the situation only happened because of my brothers' infatuation with her. If they hadn't been there, none of it would have happened."

Lexi shook her head. "You can't know that."

"I do though. And I know for a fact my life would be better without them in it. Even before Katherine showed up, all they every did was hurt and disappoint me."

"But they've left," Lexi argued.

"Yes. And then they'll come back again, and the cycle will repeat. Unless I stop it. If I take them out of the equation, permanently."

"Sarah, you can't kill your own brothers. I know you, you'll never be able to live with yourself if you do it!" Lexi shouted, struggling in her chains again as she tried to stop her friend from making the worst mistake of her life.

"If I cared I might agree with you. But I don't," Sarah said, smile forming. "And by the end of all this, humanity or not, I know it's for the best." She then turned, heading for the door.

"Sarah. Sarah! Sarah!" Lexi shouted after her, still struggling. But this time the emotionless vampire didn't turn back. She pulled open the door and stepped out into the morning sun, closing it behind her. Lexi continued to shout and protest, but Sarah ignored her and left with a smile. It was time for her brothers to get what was coming to them.