Five days had passed since Ty Lee and Azula came to the Southern Water Tribe village and they still felt like they were exhausted. Sitting at the edge of the village near the water, they had a little pile of snow between them that they took turns making into little snowballs and throwing into the clear water.
Looking up at the sun which was high in the sky, Azula sighed and wished she could feel its warmth from where she was. She was starting to ache all over again and only the warmth seemed to help with the pain radiating through her body. She knew it wasn't the best idea to be sitting outside in the cold but she needed a change of scenery before she felt like she was going crazy.
Gently holding her side where the pain radiated through her ribcage, she hissed quietly and readjusted her position as she felt the anger she had towards the guards for hurting her begin to stir.
"Azula, what's wrong?" Ty Lee asked, concerned as she felt Azula's hand brush hers as she rearranged herself.
"It's nothing," Azula replied, failing at keeping a straight face as more pain ached from her ribcage.
"What hurts?" Ty Lee tried again, gently holding Azula's hand with her own.
"I just have pain again, especially in my ribs and it hurts. I'm angry that it took so long for someone to care about me and put a stop to it. They would hurt me day after day, sometimes twice a day and no one cared. They constantly hit me, kicked me, pulled at me, choked me, and tortured me and everyone went on like it was fine. I just wanted it to stop," Azula said, he voice raised as tears began to stream down her face.
"Come here," Ty Lee softly said, pulling Azula in close and holding her. "I'm always here for you, through thick and thin." Gently placing a kiss on Azula's temple, Ty Lee rubbed circles into Azula's back trying to offer her some comfort.
"It's stupid that I'm crying," Azula said, pulling back a little and wiping at her eyes.
"It's not stupid, you're allowed to have feelings and you're allowed to express them," Ty Lee replied, hearing footsteps coming up behind them.
"Hi," Ty Lee said, greeting the older woman who approached them.
"Hi Akna," Azula greeted the woman as she wiped the tears from her face.
"Hello girls. Chief Hakoda asked I come find you Azula so we can arrange a therapy session but I feel like we should do that now if you're free," Akna kindly replied, smiling softly at the two girls.
"I think that might be good for you," Ty Lee said to Azula as she wiped away the last of the tears from Azula's face.
"I think you're right," Azula agreed, knowing she had more to get off her chest than she wanted to admit.
"I'll walk you to where you need to go," Ty Lee offered as she got up and pulled Azula to her feet.
"I have a special hut for my therapy, we will go in there," Akna replied as she led the way to a small hut off to the side of the village which allowed them to have a little privacy.
"I'll meet you back in our hut, I'm going to see if any help is needed in the dining hall first," Ty Lee said, placing a kiss on Azula's hand before she headed off towards the hall.
Taking a deep breath in, Azula tried to calm herself down before taking a step inside. Realising that it wasn't working she entered the hut and looked around. There were three large armchairs in the room that she had only ever seen in royal palaces in the Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation. They were a deep blue in colour and looked very comfortable to sit in.
"Take a seat Azula and I know you want to know about the armchairs, they were a gift from Iroh, his friend in the Earth Kingdom made them as a favour to him and then they were gifted to the village. Chief Hakoda thought they would be of best use in here," Akna said, answering Azula's unasked question.
"They are lovely," Azula said, sitting down in one and feeling the softness around her body. Watching as Akna took a seat in front of her, Azula swallowed the small lump she had in her throat.
"They are. Would you like to tell me why you are crying?" Akna asked, jumping right into their session. "Remember you can be honest in here, no one will ever know what we talk about."
"I was crying because I was in pain and I'm angry at the guards for hurting me and that it took so long for it to stop," Azula replied, practicing her breathing.
"Would you like to tell me what they did to you?" Akna asked, only having heard a small summary of what had happened from the Chief.
"They hurt me, Jing and Peng would come in every day they were rostered on and they would tell me that everything was my fault and that I was responsible for my family's actions and that I deserved everything that they did to me. They would punch me in the stomach so hard I would cough up blood and couldn't breathe. They would aim for my ribs and hit them continuously until they heard something break or crack. They would kick me in my legs and wherever they could reach until I was crying out in pain. My back they would attack with whatever they could and every day whenever I moved my back would shoot pain that sometimes made me black out. They would pull my hair so tightly my head ached for days. They would bring in a bucket of water and try to drown me by putting a soaking wet cloth over my mouth and nose so I couldn't breathe in anything except water and it burned. They pulled the shackles and chains so tightly that it left my entire body aching. Once they pulled it so tight that my shoulder popped out of place and a medic needed to come in and set it. They stripped me out of my clothing and shoved me to the ice cold ground and would make me lay there until I turned blue. I couldn't do anything to protect myself or fight back," Azula replied, tears now freely running down her face as she listed what had happened to her as she finally got it off her chest.
"It's understandable that you feel the way you do, it wasn't fair on you," Akna calmly responded, making sure to listen to every word Azula had to say.
"I'm just so angry that it took so long for anyone to do anything about it. If Ty Lee hadn't convinced my brother to let her see me I would still be locked up in that prison being tortured daily," Azula said her voice full of hurt as she spoke.
"Azula, did you ever think to tell me what was happening to you?" Akna asked, concerned that the young girl never said a word to her.
"I thought about it but I couldn't. They threatened me, told me they would do worse to me if I ever said anything. I didn't want to die so I couldn't say anything. Before every time I saw you the Fire Nation guards would come in and make sure I looked presentable. It was the only time they would give me bread and water, so my body wouldn't make a sound while I talked with you. They were horrible to me and I hate them," Azula replied, wiping away the couple of tears that run down her cheeks.
"How did it make you feel that they did that to you?" Akna asked, wanting to go a little more in depth.
"It made me feel worse than I was already feeling and I was feeling pretty bad. They were rough with me, they would try to make me choke down food and water and when I was done they would wipe away any dirt and it hurt and was freezing cold. They would also tighten the shackles so hard my wrists would ache for hours on end, they were cruel, crueller than my father was sometimes," Azula responded, gently rubbing at her right wrist.
"That isn't a nice thing to do to anyone is it? I understand why you feel the way you do," Akna calmly said, relaxing a little into her chair.
"It's not a nice thing to do, I will admit I've been harsh before when I was under my father's influence but now that he is locked away and I get to be my own person I can see what I did was wrong. I still don't fully understand why I let him control me," Azula replied, taking a deep breath in.
"Being able to control your own destiny and choose your own path in life is something that should be cherished. With your father, you let him control you as you were scared of him and scared of what he would do. You saw what he did to your brother and those around you and you didn't want to be treated like that so you did the only thing you could think of to survive and that was to let him be in control," Akna responded, trying to answer Azula's problems as best she could.
"I guess," Azula said, looking anywhere but at Akna.
"As time passes you will be better able to understand why you did the things you did. For now you need time to heal and to process what has happened to you. That can take a few months to a couple of years," Akna responded, leaning forward a little.
"I think I need to rest for a little but I don't see that happening," Azula said, leaning back further into the chair.
"Are you still having trouble sleeping?" Akna asked, pursing her lips together.
"I still am. It's not as bad as before but I keep on having nightmares and they keep me up. Sleeping with Ty Lee in the same room has made it easier to fall asleep but the nightmares just don't seem to go away. My pain is starting up again too and when I move the wrong way while asleep it wakes me up," Azula replied, yawning quietly.
"Only time will be able to help. I do suggest a hot cup of tea before bed to help calm down your mind," Akna responded. "Next time we talk I would like to delve into your nightmares a little bit but for now I don't want to push you any harder than what we have talked about today. Is there anything else bothering you that you would like to mention?"
"It's been five days since I've been here and I still can't fire bend. Ty Lee and Katara both say it's because my chi paths are screwed up, they both have felt them and have said that my energy isn't flowing through them. Because of the stupid guards my brother chose to watch over me I may never be able to use my bending again. It scares me and I hate it, there is literally nothing I can do to bring it back. I also feel like I can't get angry around anyone as I'm scared to and I think they will jump to conclusions, it's like they expect me to burn down the village or something," Azula said, her voice raised as she was finally able to say something that had been playing on her mind for a few days now.
"Azula, you are allowed your feelings. You are allowed to feel angry, sad, betrayed, hurt, and so on. I don't think anyone here will jump to conclusions, Chief Hakoda has had a talk with everyone and we don't expect you to be perfect with your emotions. You have suffered trauma and emotional outbursts are expected, you still need to process what happened to you. With your bending I do think that Ty Lee and Katara would know best, I will admit I know nothing about the effects of prolonged chi blocking," Akna replied, making sure that Azula knew she was allowed to experience what she felt.
"I know I need to process it all but it's going to take a while like you've said," Azula admitted, feeling tears prickling at her eyes as she tried to keep them contained.
"I know it is going to take a while and I'm going to be here to support you. You are always welcome to come around and talk to me whenever you want. How about we wrap up for today and you go get some rest," Akna said, watching the expression on Azula's face as she tried to stop a yawn.
"Some rest sounds nice," Azula agreed, getting up from her armchair and stretching out her arms, feeling a little pain in her shoulder blades. Turning to face Akna, Azula took a deep breath in. "When will our next session be?" she asked, feeling a bit jittery as she stood there in front of the older woman.
"How about in a couple of days, it will give you time to process today and to think if there is anything you would like my help with understanding," Akna replied, standing up from her seat, smiling at Azula as she walked the girl out of the hut. "Try and have a good afternoon Azula."
"Thank you, I will try, bye Akna," Azula replied, squinting a bit at the brightness of the sun as it hit her in the eyes. Walking slowly through the village, she contemplated what she discussed with Akna. She knew that the older woman was correct but she felt like accepting what had happened to her was something she didn't want to do.
Smiling at a small group of children who were having a snowball fight, she remembered the first time she had thrown a snowball, it was at her brother and it made her laugh and squeal as one was thrown back at her. Her mother had come out and happily watched them playing together, throwing a snowball at each of them. Azula remembered her mother picking her up and placing a soft kiss on her cheek before carrying her inside and cleaning the snow off her. It was one of her happier memories she had with her mother and she cherished it.