Hey! So I changed quite a lot of stuff in the last two chapters so I would recommend going back and re-reading 9-10 if you read them before 10/26/2020, and then reading 11. If you're reading this post 10/28/2020, you're all good. Haha, sorry that's so complicated. But other than that, it's been like a year, whoops... I'm working on twelve right now so I want to have it out soon. Thanks

Chapter Eleven

I rushed away from the railing just as Emmerson was being dragged away, ignoring the concerned looks that Jim and Adri shot my way. I practically fled to the aft end of the Nebula and looked frantically for somewhere to hide, somewhere to think. A group a waist high barrels provided that for me

One of them was empty so I scooted it away from the wall and squeezed into the gap. So many things were flooding my mind it was hard to think. I needed to calm down. You can't fly into a panic like that in front of the others. You might be able to get away with it today because of everything that has happened but be more careful! I sucked in more of the crisp air trying not to lose it. Breathe.

I took a shaky breath and tried to organize my brain. Mostly it was just the crazy events of the day. It had started so well. But then we were dying in the heat for most of the day, with Jim. Then taking down Emmerson, for Jim. Narrowly making it back to the ship, because of Jim. The confusing kiss, also with Jim. Treating all of the stupid cuts and wounds, kind of with Jim? Not really. Then the whipping… All the time know that could easily be me if Jim…

No, he will not find out. We can't let him. He can never get too close, we can never let him in. Nothing can or should ever happen with him. Besides, it's not even us. Slave Alice is the one in his heart, and she's not even real. We haven't been real since the day we woke up on this ship, and we can never be real until we leave this ship behind. Jim and all.

I almost felt like crying. But why should I? It's my own fault I even let this thing with Jim go so far. I should have been the cold hearted pirate that I am. But I still remember those eyes. One of the only things I remembered from the first time I woke up on the Nebula. Those blue eyes. He told me I was safe here. Of course I was anything but, it had been at least a decade since anyone said that to me. Why did I trust those eyes...

Hunger interrupted. I hadn't eaten for thirteen hours. Smoothing my hair back with shaking hands, I pushed the barrels away and started walking towards the mess hall. My legs felt like purp mash. I could still see Emmerson's face, the hatred in his eyes as he stared at Jim. I tried to swallow. I couldn't.

I stood outside of the mess hall entrance, fidgeting with the bandage on my hand. I had no idea what waited for me down there. Hate. Adoration. Boredom. All I knew was that I didn't want to find out. I finally made my feet move forward and I forced my lungs to work. One stair. Two. The noises were getting louder, I couldn't make out any words but the tone was heavy with dissent. A few more stairs. They must be able to see my legs now. Almost there.

I reached the floor.

Then the noises stopped. I did too. The crew could see my face now and I could see their expressions. It was mostly dark looks and flashes of distrust. Was I seeing malice as well? I wished I could quiet my breathing but my shuddering breaths were painfully loud. My head was spinning, my aching body stopped my mind from focusing. I couldn't seem to recognize a single face glowering back at me, the pain was intense. Breathing was really hard now, my rib felt like it was cracking.

I grabbed at my side with one hand as I fumbled for the wall behind me with the other. As I was backing away, it felt like the mob of faces was closing in on me. The grumbling was starting again and rising with alarming speed.

My heel hit the bottom stair and I fell heavily. I heard my head hit the stair above me. Stars exploded in my darker and darker vision. This is it, Alice. Death by mob. Accepting my fate, I prepared myself, determined not to go down without a fight if my head would let me. I set my jaw when all I wanted to do was close my eyes and curl into a ball.

"Stop!"

I could hear someone fighting their way through the crowd. The crew shrank back, their fighting spirit quickly dying away. "Get back, the lot of you!"

Someone cares.

I stopped fighting for consciousness and let the darkness take me.

The stairs were digging into my fractured rib. I would have screamed from the pain but it felt like I was under water, like it always does when coming back to consciousness. Voices were shouting above me, but they were all garbled and strange sounding. I thought I could almost recognize the speakers but it was so hard to think.

Someone touched my shoulder, I flinched away. The movement stirred my foggy head into wakefulness. I stifled a groan as I jerked my eyes open. Mariano was leaning over me, obviously concerned but clearly had no idea how to help. Peering past his perfect features, I saw Jim standing alone between me and the crew while Adri and Blamey were attempting to hold them back. I noticed Brent and Owen standing neutrally on the sidelines when I started picking up on the source of the argument.

Big surprise, it was me.

"But it was her fault! Wasn't she in charge of the engine?"

"Yeah, if she had been more experienced, none of you would have been trapped down there and Emmerson wouldn't have lost his cool!"

"She attacked one of our own! She's a traitor! We should've never saved her carcass from that wreck!"

"She's been a curse on this ship from day one!"

"Enough!" Jim bellowed, everyone shrinking away from the ferocity in his voice. "I don't owe any of you more of an explanation more than what I've already given. You are my crew. It's high time you act like it. I punished the right spacer and honored the right one as well. If anyone would like to second guess my judgement, let them be the second one flogged on this mission!"

He rose to his full height, daring someone to step forward. Luckily, the crew had enough smarts not to try him. They all avoided his glare and shuffled back.

"I thought so. Mess is over. Resume your duties."

I shrank against the wall as the spacers poured out of the mess hall. Mariano and Jim automatically formed a protective wall around me. I squeezed my eyes shut and rested my head on the smooth planking and noticed the painful bump on the back of my skull. I must have hit my head pretty hard.

The last spacer tramped out and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. Up to this point, Jim had not looked at me once but now he did. I noticed that it took him a second to find himself again. He still had that wild, dangerous look in his eyes but he caught himself and then the fury was gone. His jaw tightened and he raked his fingers through his hair.

"Are you alright?" He asked as he dropped to a crouch next to me. Those soft, caring blue eyes were back. "Did they hurt you?"

I looked away. "No one touched me."

"That's not answering my question."

Smart boy. "No, no one hurt me. I just…" I trailed off.

I could see Jim trying to judge if he should press on. He took his eyes off me and jerked his head towards the quartermasters, telling them to give us space. He sat on the step below me and lowered his voice, making himself less threatening just like in the sick bay so long ago. "Just what?"

I grimaced and I didn't have to try too hard to think like Slave Alice. What came out was mostly true and I hated it. "I just… I just got scared, okay? No one hurt me, but they didn't have to. The effect is the same." I flushed and focused on digging my fingernail into the wooden step beneath me.

"Hey, hey," he said, taking my hand and folding it in both of his. "Look at me, that's not going to happen again. Ever."

"Yeah? How? You can't save everyone, no matter how hard you try." I said bitterly.

"No, but I can save you."

"You can't just promise something like that, Jim!" I cried. "Because people will always fail you. That's just their nature. I have had too many people give me false promises that they never keep. Please, don't be the same." I pulled my hand out of his to wipe away an unexpected tear. That was too real. Great.

There was a long pause.

"C'mon, let's get you some food."

He nodded at Mariano who sprang into action grabbing a tray and heading towards the galley. Jim offered his hand but when I tried to take it, he pulled me forward and ducked underneath my arm. I felt him carefully place his hand below my injured rib. He helped me onto the bench and then stepped away as Blamey and Adri swooped in to check on me.

I answered their questions without much thought, my whole world was an aching throb. I was tired but my eyes were fixed on Jim brooding at the end of the table. I had never seen him drink before but he was working on a whole pint of strong ale. I saw Adri notice his behavior as well, but she would never say anything to him. Mariano set a steaming plate in front of me and after giving me a gentle pat on the back, hurried off to the control cabin. I picked at my food more out of obligation than hunger. My appetite left as soon as I saw the mob. Blamey's dark grumblings about the state of the crew in the background only made my stomach drop more.

Jim finished his ale and got up to refill his tankard. The movement seemed to stir the others into motion, too. Adri gave me one last cautious hug and slipped away with Blamey on her tail.

Now the only sound was the drizzle of ale filling Jim's tankard.

"Why?" I stated more than asked.

"Why what?" His back still turned.

"Why the drinking, the promises? It's not like you."

"Yeah?" Came the mirthless laugh. "Well, it's not like my crew to form a mutiny twice in one day."

My stars, it has only been one day. Stranded, beaten, healed, kissed, attacked, saved. What a day it has been.

I shoved my food away from me, the smell of it nauseated me even with my growing hunger. Jim frowned darkly at the action as he sat across the table from me. "You need to eat."

"You need to take care of yourself." I replied coolly.

"Practice what you preach."

We sat in silence for a long time. I felt like all my thoughts were running away from me, I couldn't hold on to a single one.

"I'm exhausted, I just want to sleep this day off." I muttered as I started to swing my legs off the bench.

"Hold on," he said before finishing off his ale is one swig. He stood up and took the tray of food and his tankard and left them in the galley and came back for me. He offered his hand which I took with both of mine.

We trudged up the stairs, my vision was being crowded out with tiny stars of pain. Jim waited for me at the top of the stairs to catch my breath. It took almost a full minute, enough time for the crew to take notice of us.

"Let's get out of here." He muttered as he guided me towards the cabins. I let Jim do most of the work while I tried not to pass out.

Suddenly, I heard movement behind us and saw shadows darting around the edges of my vision. "Jim!" I whispered. I clutched frantically at his arm, fear attacking every part of me. Just stay away, all of you!

Jim's grip moved up my arm until his hands rested on my shoulders, hurrying me ahead of him towards the cabins. Even though we were practically running, it seemed like we were still so far away from safety. I was still having trouble breathing and trying to see through the dark mass swirling in my vision. That's probably why I didn't see the coil of rope lying on the deck. I crashed hard onto the planking with Jim on top of me. As Jim stood up he slipped his arm through mine and hauled me up with him. He dragged me the last bit to the corridor before dropping me so he could shut the door. I hit the floor again. Jim had shut the door just in time, angry fists slammed against the wood. Jim didn't stop. He picked me up and carried me down the corridor, past my room, and deposited me in his cabin before stepping back out into the hall. The door swung shut behind him and I heard the key in the lock.

I had collapsed face first into the thick rug. I raised my eyes long enough to see a bunk to my right. I moved to get up but pain overwhelmed my tired body and the world went black.

I woke up noticing that I was very warm and comfortable despite my entire body being in pain, though the pain may have been duller. I couldn't tell. The second thing I noticed was that I was on the softest mattress I had ever slept on in my life. I felt like I was floating, only weighed down by the fluffy and strangely heavy blankets. I felt so safe and warm, I let a contented sigh leave my torn body.

Then I remembered where I was. I was locked in the captain's private cabin. Didn't you pass out on the floor, Alice? How are you in his bunk? I panicked. My entire body screamed in protest as I frantically kicked off the blankets and struggled to climb out of the cloud that was Jim's bunk. My ankle tangled in the sheets and I spilled out onto the floor. I cried out in pain as I hit the floor, elbows stinging, side aching, head pounding.

I was struggling to push myself off the rug but my strength was depleted. I heard the key in the lock, panic flooded my one track mind. I had absolutely no idea who was coming for me. I managed to back up until the bunk was behind me. There was nothing around to help me so I grabbed the short wooden stool and held it above me in a feeble attempt to protect myself. I held my breath as I watched the knob turn.

The door swung open and Jim darted in and shut it behind him. It took me a full two second to realize who he was and lower the stool. But as I did, I felt my arms give out. The stool slipped out of my hands and landed on my lap.

"Hey, are you okay? I heard you yell." Jim asked with concern in his eyes. He crouched beside me and tried to take the stool from me.

"No, I am not okay." I whispered fiercely, keeping the stool between us. "How in the name of hellfire did I end up in your bunk?" Tears were suddenly stinging my eyes. Anything can happen to you when you're not aware.

I think he must have seen the panic in my eyes because he let go of the stool and put some distance between us. With a pause, he answered, "Last night I waited until I was sure the corridor was safe. Then I walked in, with Adri behind me, and we tucked you in my bunk. I also had M.E.R. take a look at you. You need some rest." He was almost pleading with me.

I sat quietly, not wanting to see his face. He seemed the same, no hostility in sight. My tattoo and identity must have remained covered. He backed up to the door and turned the knob.

"What did the bot say?"

"That you're exhausted and the panic forced your body to shut down. Your concussion only got worse from hitting your head on the stairs. You need to rest. I think this is the safest place for that but if you want to leave, you may."

I stilled. "No, it's fine. I'll stay. Just knock next time."

"Will do. Call if you need anything." He pulled the door open.

"Wait." My cheeks were hot and tears slipped down my face. I'm not sure if it was the pain or not but my body refused to listen to me. My voice was hoarse and on the edge of breaking. "I can't move. Will you help me?"

His face became even more empathetic, if that's possible. Jim knelt down and gently pulled the stool away. He slid one arm under my knees and one under my arms and lifted me off the ground. He set me on the edge of the bunk in a sitting position and slowly let go, making sure I wouldn't fall.

The flood of emotion from panic and fear to weakness and relief was dramatic. I had never felt more helpless. As a pirate, if you're weak or helpless, you're as good as dead. Every advantage will be taken from you. You never let down your guard, you never ask for help.

And yet I was safe here, with Jim. I had never experienced that before. I was overwhelmed with shame and gratitude. Was this kindness? A sob clawed its way up my throat.

Jim was slowly pulling away but I reached out and caught his shirt and started crying into it. He stepped closer so that I was now sobbing into his side. I leaned my weary head into him and he carefully rested a hand on my back.

I don't remember when I stopped weeping but I groggily lifted my head off Jim's now soaking wet shirt. His hand shifted from my back to my shoulder, slightly holding me up. I couldn't even move my head anymore so he sank to my level and looked into my face.

"Can I help you?" He barely whispered.

I shook my head, not really processing his words. I rubbed my good hand over my face, wincing as I bumped my split lip. I tasted blood but I don't think I cared.

"You are bleeding again, can I get M.E.R.?"

I shook my head. "I just want to sleep."

"Okay, I'll leave you alone. Do you want the blankets?"

I don't think I answered his question but I sank into the mattress and the pillows and was covered with a heavy blanket. I heard the door shut and the key turn.

I arched my back and stretched my arms above my head, cracking my knuckles in the process. I had only been awake for a few minutes and both my body and head ached. It had been about two and half weeks since the failed expedition and my various injuries were still healing. I think the intensity of that day had somehow kept the pain at bay because I spent the next five days in bed. Mostly because of the concussion but also because my whole body had taken a literal beating. I had stopped wearing the bothersome bandages yesterday but I was still in a low, throbbing pain basically everywhere. Sleep kept avoiding me. I was either plagued by my injured body or the nightmares that disturbed what little sleep I could find. I have always had to fight constant fear and anxiety since I was left to fend for myself but it was always harder when my physical abilities were not reliable. It left me at the mercy of my head, that's never a good thing. The lack of sleep wasn't helping.

I was starting my shift in the control cabin today and I was struggling to adjust to the schedule. I scrubbed at my blurry eyes and winced at the twinge of pain in my elbows. They were taking a frustrating long time to heal. The deep damage and the thin skin was making my life harder. I seemed to tear the healing tissue every day, only making the problem worse. I stretched again, studiously ignoring the pain in my arms. It was good to be up and working, bed rest always made me insane.

M.E.R. and Jim had made a formidable team and had coerced me into staying in bed for the five days before letting me walk on my own. As soon as I could, I moved back into my own cabin. I don't know where Jim had slept while I was using his bunk but he never told me, and I never asked. Later, there were a few times I startled Jim in the hallway outside our cabins. Sometimes he was standing but usually he was sitting slumped against the wall. I think he'd been sleeping outside my cabin now that I'm not in his. He was overprotective of me the first few times I went outside, assigning Adri or Blamey to escort me. Nothing much happened, a few of Emmerson's cronies had grumbled as I walked by and shot me dark looks but beyond that, I was safe.

Life had quickly gone back to normal, whatever normal is. I had helped in the galley and the laundry while I was recovering. I folded uniforms and towels and peeled vegetables while my arms were still heavily bandaged. These tasks were mind-numbing but I got to sit and that sped up my healing. Whatever had happened to my head when I knocked it on the stairs screwed with my balance and I found myself tipping over easily but it felt like that was getting better. I was well enough at this point to get through a shift in the control cabin, I hoped.

Speaking of which, I was going to be late. I had slept in my uniform tunic with it's billowy sleeves so all I had to do was pull on the trousers from yesterday. I dressed as quickly as my various injuries let me. I shoved my feet into my boots and scrambled out the door. I was halfway down the hall when I realised I had forgotten to pull my hair back. Annoyed, I rushed back into my cabin and grabbed the first scrap of ribbon I found.

During the boring days of bed rest, I convinced Adri to cut my hair. It went from a curly mass that fell to my waist to a choppy cut just below my shoulders. It was still curly but now it was too short to braid easily with my stupid elbows so I had to tie it up.

My hair was uncooperative lately and refused to be tamed so I ended up in the control cabin looking like a shipwreck, tangled hair hanging around my head. Mariano blinked at me. I felt heat rushing to my cheeks as I blushed. It was hard looking like me when Mariano was looking like the perfectly chiseled god that he was. I felt starkly average in comparison and the rat nest of hair on my head wasn't doing me any favors. I laughed uncomfortably as I tried furiously to work with my stupid hair. Mariano blinked again, pointedly not saying something and moved on.

"The night was pretty easy, there was a busted converter box in the stern but it's being fixed now. Umm, yeah I think that's it. Well, don't work too hard. I can always step in. I'm going to hit the sack but have a good morning."

"Thanks, I'll try not to. Er, I will." I was relieved when he turned his back on me to walk up the stairs. I let out a sigh. I was just about to take a step toward the panels when Mariano caught my attention.

"Alice! I forgot to say…"

I waited, thinking it must be something important.

"I just think that you look really nice this morning." He grinned mischievously and darted out of the room before I could hit him.

"Blast you, Mari!" I called after the extremely annoying, extremely attractive, quartermaster I had to call my partner. I fumed, raking my fingers through my stupid hair. I soon gave up trying to detangle it, it kept getting worse. Huffing, I leaned upside down to gather all my hair on top of my head and twisted it into a very messy knot, tied it off with my ribbon. I got rather dizzy as I stood up but I didn't fall like I have been recently. I tightened the ribbon around my bun and almost screamed out of frustration as one short curl fell over my right eye. It was too short to go back in the bun and too short to be tucked behind my ear. Let's just say Adri's handiwork at cutting hair could use some improvement.

"It's fine, Alice." I grumbled to myself as I finally got to work. My blasted hair would have to wait.

It was the usual morning, checking systems, powering up the light and temperature for another day of work, the basics. It was good to be back in the cabin.

The only reason I was sweating was because Jim and I were both dreading his morning check in on the control cabin. We had never talked about the kiss. I think that was mostly because we hadn't been alone together since I cried on him that morning. Today would be the test to see if we would pretend it didn't happen or figure out what it meant.

I had no plan of attack. I couldn't encourage anything but I didn't want to hurt him. I cared about him, dammit. Would I say I saw him as a friend? Would I say I wasn't interested? Would I act like it was nothing, that a kiss between us held no meaning? I had no idea. I think it might be the kind of thing you figure out in the moment. Blast.

I rubbed my still sore ribs absentmindedly. The fracture was on the same side as the old wound from the Dark Doubloon. My fingers traced the heavy scars left as evidence on my ribs. It still made me shudder thinking about my collision with the ship's wreckage.

I would have kept thinking about that traumatic event if it wasn't for the blood chilling steps descending into the control cabin.

Jim.