Chapter 10-
Its 0200 hours and I am on monitors with Dan. I can see Lester and the guys crawling out of the SUVs in the garage. They've just returned from the hospital. It looks like two teams of men. I am sure it is Echo team and I wonder if the other SUV is Alpha team. I thought Ranger left around 9 or 10 pm tonight. Let's see, I mean that's uhm 2100-2200 hours, to do a night mission but now I think about it, how could he if his team stayed to wait for the men at the ER. I definitely haven't seen Ranger since shortly after we got back to Hayward. Could he be somewhere else in the building working?
"Who is that with Lester and Charlie team?" I ask staring at the Rangeman security monitor that shows the garage. I only get a view of the cameras on the outside of the building on the monitor here at Monitor Bay 2. If you want to see all the inside camera feeds you have to go to the tower, as its nicknamed. Though really, it's just a little security room that shows everything going on inside and outside at Rangeman. Every camera, door and window alarm, and everyone's individual trackers.
"That's Echo team and Alpha team" Says Dan glancing at the monitor that shows the Rangeman doors, then he focuses back on the main client monitors.
"But I thought Ranger was out with his team?" I don't see Ranger on the monitor at all among the men in the garage.
"He is. He should be back in a few hours."
"What?" Dan sighs when he sees my confusion
"Ranger is Alpha Lead, so any team under him is always alpha team"
"So you're saying the teams are not Just A, B, C, D and the leader of the team is called Alpha or Bravo leader based on what team they are leading…?
"Exactly. It the leaders that have the letter designations and the team gets its designation based on who is leading them."
"Well why not pick an actual name?..instead of a letter?"
"You mean like Bone Crusher team?" He gives me a look and then grins.
"Well no…but a more comic book name may be fun, but hey, I don't know anything about these things"
"It's efficient organized and non-emotional to use letters or numbers. That way it won't cause any problems for a person to one day be on Alpha team and another day to be on Echo team."
"But Rangers men seemed so well trained today"
"They're all well trained' I looked at him and shake my head no. I could tell a difference in Ranger's team.
"Ok, ok, so each leader has a main team he uses. Ranger has his main team, so does Lester and Tank and the other team leaders. But they can easily use any back up team or if someone else's main team falls under them for the night, then they are tracked in the control room under the leader's letter designation. Think about it Stephanie. It would be too confusing to say this is Alpha Lead with Charlie team or for Ranger to suddenly be Charlie Leader because he is with Charlie team."
"Oh, that does makes sense"
"So his main team was at the hospital and he still took another team out tonight. So there are 2 alpha teams on the control room board? How does that work?" That sounds like one big confusing mess.
"Well it depends on Ranger's orders. He could deactivate his main team that took Lester's team to the hospital and make them a recovery team. Then that is how they would radio in as Recovery Charlie. Or he could maintain command of them remotely via com links and then they would be Alpha remote and the other team with him on the streets would be Alpha team.
"That is still confusing. So Alpha team and Alpha remote?"
"It rarely happens that he would command one team with him and one remotely through a live com feed and images if they uplinked graphics to his phone or epad for command decisions."
"So this has happened before?!"
"I don't know. Never since I've worked here…. But obviously Ranger designed a plan just in case he needed to run two teams at once."
I sigh "Only he would be that much of a maniac to try and be two places at once."
"My guess is, Boss deactivated his main team and made them a recovery team and put the six, Zero, in charge. Then Zero will just call in reports as the leader of a recovery non hostile team"
"The six? And zero? so the crew members are all numbered that seems a bit inpersonal"
"No. You know Zero he works here. He is the six." Dan sighs. "It doesn't help that Zero's name is a number but that is just a coincidence."
"Each team has a position and that is also their call sign. IF you have that position in the team you have that call sign. Like get away driver or safe cracker if you watch old heist movies hahah"
"Not helping" I look at him more confused. This isn't some unreal team of Hollywood super crooks. I really wanted to know how this worked.
"Alright". He turns to me and get serious. "The Six is the guy in charge the team that guards the back door. In plain speak he'd be the…" He thinks for a bit "The rear guard. Yea that is the regular description"
I noticed that with Lester's team and even with Echo Team today, there were men in the front and in the back in teams of 2. But now I see that there can easily be more than 2 if they required more people for a take down.
"The Team Leader calls the charge in the front and the rear team watches the back. Someone has to be in charge back there to keep everyone moving cohesively as it can get crazy in the heat of a fight."
You don't have to tell me.
"So he is like second in command?"
"No. the teams are too small for that. He literally guards the team leaders back. So he naturally would step in if anything happens to him. And if the team leader deactivates the team and leaves, then he leads the team members back home." He looks at me "Don't worry if you don't get it. The other call signs are easier to understand like bulldog for the driver because he often stays behind to be a guard or be a lookout. The other call signs also describe their position on the team during a mission"
I don't actually get why the guy that guards the back is called the Six, not Alpha or Charlie rear guard other than it does sounds a bit cheesy and it is a mouthful to say compared to saying Alpha Six. I almost ask why the number Six but I decide not to.
"It looks like Ben didn't return and neither did Michael."
"Michael doesn't live at Rangeman. Neither does Lester. He is probably here for a mission debriefing as team leader." Well that would have to happen with Ranger or Tank I suspect. I bet Lester just wants to go home and rest after being slammed in the head.
"Lester also will make sure his guys are all situated in their apartments on 4, then he'll wait for the Boss to come back." Dan says as he turns back to the monitors.
"Maybe he should lie down while he waits" A conference room or my spot on 4. It's not like I use it at night.
Dan shrugs. "I guess."
I text Lester asking how he is? Nothing. Then if he has a place to rest while waiting. Still no answer. Then finally, Where are you? But still he doesn't respond. What a brat. All the time I am texting and waiting for him to respond I am walking the halls looking for him.
I checked the infirmary first because it has a little cot. I wasn't surprised he wasn't in that tiny little closet room. Next, I went to every conference room one by one. Each one is dark until I get to the main staff conference room which is a briefing/ break room of sorts for the guys. There he is drinking a soda and looking out the window. He looks tired and pale and well, a little miserable.
"Found you. Now you're it." I smile at him gently. Why are you hiding from me? He turns from the window and looks at me. It is clear he didn't expect me. "I won't hide, so It'll be easy for you to find me" I say in a playful voice to hide my irritation that I'm annoyed he didn't answer my texts.
"You hide in plain sight, Beautiful. You're hiding right now." His words surprise and confuse me. His eyes are serious and have that weary strain that I recognize as pain. I am sure his head hurts.
I get an icepack from the breakroom freezer, sit across from him on the windowsill bench, and pull him towards me so is forehead is resting on my shoulder. Gently, I place the icepack on the back of his neck right at the base of the skull. He winces for a half a second when the cold touches his skin, then I feel him relax.
"You're so stubborn. Still up and walking around. But you're always a good friend." I whisper. Thanks Lester. I know I can't really pay you back for the things you've done, but let me do this small thing.
He doesn't say anything but he doesn't move or try to remove the ice pack I hold in place. I take my free hand and slowly rub circles on his back. I remember how soothing it was when Ranger did that for me. I hope a simple ice pack though small, can make enough of a difference for his headache until he can sleep.
I don't know how long we stay like this, but the icepack is warm now and I feel Ranger enter the dim room. I slowly turn my head and look at him.
His eyes glimmer in the low light. He flips on the lights of the briefing room and Lester slowly sits up.
"I read the reports. Sounds like a 4-man team wasn't enough to contain Mr. John Brown"
Lester and Ranger go over how John Brown jumped out the window almost taking down the Six and his teammate, ripping out ear coms, bashing heads. He didn't get past them and the chase eventually involved all 4 men up and down and around the duplex. At one point he tossed Ben over his head launching him into another team member and he tumbled off the balcony breaking his leg in the fall. It sounds like John was on speed.
Ranger turns to me. "I am glad you're here Stephanie" Crap this could be bad or is he just being professional because its a debriefing?
"This skip was violent and extremely dangerous yet you engaged him" His eyes are dark and sparkling. His lips are set in a thin line.
"I got instruction that if he was violent towards me to drive away but he hadn't com…"
"I ordered the control room to tell you not to engage him." His voice is soft and low. He never yells he just gets softer and more terrifying than if he actually yelled.
I am surprised that Ranger was monitoring our team personally at some point. I thought the control room was following a set of protocols. I am not knocking the safety protocols, but I just thought it was a chart they were reading to me.
"He wasn't quite right, like his eyes were a black abyss.."
"He's a psycho. You were lucky. That's why you weren't to engage him." His voice is harder and louder now, but still low in volume. There is a hint of an emotion in it that I don't like at all. It makes me feel like I am pressed against a wall.
"I was safe in the car. He.. he shouldn't have gotten up and if he was a regular guy I would have just let his killer dog stay next to him after I ran him over but I knew I had to put the dog away because just in case something happened and." I realize I am rambling and I feel frustrated and flustered
Ranger's jaw muscle jumps. This isn't helping. "He's the skip from hell. He rose up and you were all alone with a demon." His voice is louder now, right at normal speaking volume, but it feels like he is talking louder than this somehow. His eyes are now almost black and flashing. This isn't better than his low angry voice. This is worse. I feel all turned upside down and inside out.
"Like, I was saying his eyes weren't quite right like black waters tinged with blood and then I could tell what he was going to do when he smiled" Ranger stops and he and Lester both stare at me.
I take a deep breath to calm my nerves. I close my eyes then open them. I can see it clearly now my voice though calm trembles slightly before it gets steady because I am upset by the current of tension running through Ranger and Lester into me.
"He was going to kill everyone on the team. He was getting his dog so he could release him first because that will be a funny joke to watch." I slowly tell them, like I am reading a book. "Then he will crush and rip until their fountains bleed dry. He will collect their screams for a sweet memory."
'I can't let him, I can't let him, I won't let him, I can't let him, he can't, he can't, he won't, he wont, he ca.."
"Babe!" I look up and see Ranger is now in front of me and has given my shoulder a little shake. I was off in my own daze chanting under my breath.
Now the spell is broken, I realize what Ranger is telling me. He is saying I should have just driven away and left everyone to die.
My eyes fill with tears that do not fall, blurring my vision. It is better like this, I think, because I don't have to see their upset faces. IF his eyes fill with disappointment, I will not see it.
"I can't just drive away and leave them all to die." I whisper fiercely. "I can't just sit in the car safe while he tortures them!" My voice is stronger because I am starting to get really angry now. What a stupid order. How can he possibly get mad at me for running John over and stopping that crazed devil.
"He was right there in front of me! So I rammed him and he was out cold. I sprayed pepper all over his horrible dog until it ran away. I saw my chance and I took it. He was going to KILL everyone!" Lester and Ranger are now looking at me silent.
"It's not my fault he is not quite human and got back up after being run over by a 2-ton truck! I used a stun gun until he dropped; he was never within arm's length of me. Then I watched him from a locked car until backup arrived. If he had got up again, I would have run the monster OVER!"
I am panting and shaking now I am so furious. I take a few breaths. Ranger is just looking at me. He doesn't look angry, just kind of blank, and Lester's mouth is hanging open.
"So if you feel I was wrong to take advantage of the situation and stop him, so be it. But I would do it again. I can't just sit by and Ugggh if you don't already get it then I can't explain it!" I turn and walk towards the door. The tears in my eyes are now falling. I guess I am banned from any fieldwork. Am I also on permanent lock down too? But what does this have to with just leaving the building during the day? Well, I refuse that restriction. These thoughts race through my mind in the time it takes to walk 2 steps.
"Babe" I feel his arm around my waist from behind and he is pulling my back against his chest.
"Don't go" his voice whispers in my ear low and soft my breath hitches and I stop crying because of the complete change in energy I feel radiating around me. The warmth seeps into me.
"So that's how you did it, Beautiful"
I dry my eyes and turn around and look at them confused.
"You incapacitated him. You were alone, He was insanely dangerous and strong. That's all that that we had to go on along with the control room communication log" Lester says. Ranger's face seems to mirror the same message.
"Well I would tell you how I did it and why." IF anyone took the time to talk to me "Its just there wasn't a chance until now." No one is listening to me lately until it gets to a crisis mode. I think of that stupid don't shower confusion that happened at my apartment almost 2 weeks ago. I look at them with narrowed eyes.
Lester grins sheepishly and Ranger has a blank face. Don't try and avoid the issue. I know all the tricks
"Do you believe what I said about John Brown?"
"I don't know how you knew, but I've no doubt after taking him to the police station. He was going to come back and kill my team." Says Lester. Makes me wonder what that story is about.
"You did good. You used your strengths and kept him away from your weak points." Ranger says giving me a hug. I sure did. Just like you taught me.
"It's been a long day and people are tired causing misunderstandings. Let's not let it get out of hand. Its clear we all agree." Ranger states calmly and Lester nods.
It seems he is saying he is sorry he got mad at me. And agrees that I wasn't wrong or reckless in my actions. I'll take it. Since any apology in this situation works for me as long as no one is angry anymore. Ranger has listened to my side many times without question. Anyone can have a breakdown in their patience especially when pushed to their limit. I see the clear evidence of exhaustion before me and smile at them.
Besides, John Brown is the not even a problem in my mind. The unmentionable is.
"So now what?"
"He won't be getting bail, so you got him Babe." Ranger grins and Lester give me a fist bump as he leaves to go home
"Rest well Lester." He nods at me, his eyes heavy and tight with the pain of a headache.
He needs a quiet dark room with no light and electronic so he can rest his mind and sleep for 48 hours, maybe longer. I am relieved the team will be fine once they get lots of rest in the dark to heal their concussions.
I couldn't make it if I had one. I can't get through the night without doing monitor duty. Nor could I get enough sleep to help recover quickly from a head injury as I can't seem to get more than 4-5 hours every morning before I wake up in a panic. Seeing the streaming sunlight through my window is my lifeline. I guess maybe if I had someone with me? But I don't know.
I go to sleep around 6am, shortly after Lester, Ranger and my meeting ends and wake up around 1100 hours in the morning. I wander around the building starting around noon looking for something to do.
I couldn't go out on any kind of day mission as Lester and his entire team was recovering. I am again grateful that they are all going to be fine with time. Ben should be coming home from the Hospital today after having his leg pinned and casted last night in the OR. Maybe they will let me go with them to pick him up. Ben lives on 4 so it will be easy to keep an eye on him.
I quietly knock on Noah's door. He got the worst concussion of the group. I have Tank with me so he can open his door if he doesn't answer. We tiptoe in and Noah is sound asleep in his room. He seems to be doing well. I leave a note for him where he will easily see it in the bathroom saying we left snacks and meals in the fridge and then we leave.
Around 2 pm I go to Ben's apartment. He has been home for hours and has already had a nap. I guess he was discharged around 10 am when I was still sleeping. He is resting in his living room with his favorite snacks and drinks. We watch gladiator together. I don't know if it's his all-time favorite movie but I think he picked it because he thought it had some romantic interest in it so, girl friendly. I should have just told him to pick what he wants. I don't care. I really do love a good comic book movie. Who doesn't like seeing super heroes save the day no matter how dark and hopeless it seems. Oh, and looking good while doing it with unreal super powers. Yea tomorrow I'll suggest one of those. After it is over, he is tired naturally, so I help him get all situated in his room for a nap and leave.
Since I no longer feel ill or fatigued, I figure I can take the car Ranger assigned me and go see Lester and Michael at their apartments. It's daytime right? I know the Vampire has left for now and it is safe to wander on my own. He won't be back until my blood is more tempting. That is the least scary way I can say it and not be in denial. Though he still isn't completely real to me as he lives in my nightmares. That crazy John Brown is more tangible than the unmentionable and I defeated him with a car and a stun gun.
I am on my way out and even have the car door open when I hear the stairwell door slam open and footsteps running across the garage cement. I turn and there is Hal.
"Wait!" I stare at him my eyes open wide in surprise and amused alarm. "I'm coming, suppose to…Can I come?" He finally says. Ahh, he is asking to come even though I am sure he was ordered by Ranger to get here and come with me. He is a sweetie. I don't feel too scared going out in the daytime, but I welcome any company.
"Sure, handsome I'd love company" I give him a big grin. I enjoy teasing him. I know I shouldn't. Of course, he blushes and if he was going to say anything, he is now speechless as he gets into the car. He lets me drive. That's why I love him. Well you know what I mean, in the team member, friend way.
After vising Lester, I hide his electronic and send him to bed. I always think of him as someone who likes to play. Sure his X-box was out, but mostly I found his e-pad and laptop open with work spread out all over the screens. I never pegged him for the workaholic type. What's up? Of course he just laughs and says he isn't doing anything, he was just checking something real quick. Uh huh didn't look really quick. Lester If you weren't hurt, I'd tackle you and drag you too your room. Actually, he'd probably like it. scratch that.
Michael is actually sleeping when we arrive. Now I know who the good kid is. I bet he has some good pain meds for his ribs. We leave him some meals as I know he won't be able to get around and make a plan to check on him tomorrow. I arrange everything he needs within easy reach: meds, ice pack, water..check it's all here. We leave and softly close the door.
Since I have Hal with me, I go to my apartment. I haven't gone there since the day after I left the hospital; when Ranger took me. I open the door and walk in quietly. It feels almost like I need to tip toe. It's crazy but I suppress the urge. A thin layer of dust blankets the furniture. I grab the dusting cloth and 5 minutes' later wahlaa everything looks less abandoned.
"All good?" Hal asks
"Next we flush the toilet" he looks at me and nods a confused look on his face. Toilet ring. It gets bad if it just sits there unused. In an apartment, as old as this one, why do I fuss? I turn on the shower and run the dust down the drain. Ok all done except the last part I've been avoiding.
I sit on the bed. I'm sure I need to lay in the sheets. I don't want to as it's creepy even though it's my bed. It would be better to do this at noon instead after 5 when the sunlight slants in dim shafts through the window. I wouldn't come here even in the morning unless someone was with me. Hal goes to leave the bedroom when I pull the bedspread back.
"Wait! Just sit on this chair here and wait with me…please" Hall nods. His face is red. He blushes easily so I can only guess what part of this is getting to him.
I lay down in the bed stiff for a moment. Well if this doesn't work then I am wasting my time and creeping myself out for nothing. I better make it count. so I roll around on the sheets wiggle and lick the pillows. I mean how do I know if I drool or not when I sleep. Though I hope I don't.
Hall just watches. His eyes wide while his face changes from various colors of pink to red. After 20 minutes I am about at my limit
"Do you think it has been long enough?"
"W..wh,what has? ..for what?..Miss Plum?"
"Stephanie please. I mean you are in my bedroom it sounds weird to be so formal" Like I am some strange madam…blah. Hals face goes white then red. Great I wasn't even trying to tease him this time. He is speechless. "No I mean I trust you like a brother, so don't call me like we barely know each other"
His face becomes a more normal color. Well pink is more normal than red, and his muscles are no longer so tense like he is going to leap up and sprint away.
"I mean, do you think it is enough time so it seems I was here? Sooo.." I bite my lip "The unmentionable will still look for me here?" I hate saying he will come for me but I'd rather he come look for me here. Somehow if he arrives and realizes I don't live here, it will make things much worse. I am not sure why; it is just a feeling I have deep in my stomach.
I see Hals face change; he is thinking. I have caught his attention. All of Ranger's top men are familiar with thinking strategically.
"That depends on your goal. Is it appearances? or a scent?" I knew he was smart and he is now leaning forward, thinking. He is no longer flustered as he engages in this mind problem with me.
"I guess scent is how they track their…delight" Hal looks at me a little taken back. "Uhm obsession?" I guess I should say victims but I really don't like to think of myself that way. I feel like it steals my power to stand back up, take control, and fight back.
I was one, but now I am not. I will rise and fight back, somehow; I want to be a vengeful warrior. The problem is I have no clue how to fight him or take back any control. But I've been thinking lately perhaps it doesn't matter if he still ends up winning as long as I keep fighting then I won't be a victim just the losing side. If I fight until the end then I will not be ashamed. I just can't wait afraid in the darkness. I can't give up even though right now I have only a monster looming before me and no solutions.
In the daytime I am strongest and so I search for a solution before night comes and things look different.
"Unmentionables appear to track their targets using scent but it is more complex than that." Hal recovered from my word choice and I like the one he is offering me. OF course, target. This is a much better, less emotional, more sanitized way to say it. Thanks Hal. Have I told you how great you are?
"So you don't know how he hunts?"
"Unmentionable tracking abilities are relatively unknown since knowledge of them is based on them consuming a target at first contact. Sometimes they refrain from killing a target for an unknow reason but completely eliminate the target on the second contact so there is no information of them needing to hunt her down…I mean track a specific target over a geographic place or time period."
"Wow Hal you're a mini expert on unmentionables" go Hal who knew you could say so much and without a stutter. I guess if I present a problem for him and he goes into work mode…Maybe I shouldn't tease and rattle him so much, I feel bad. Naahh.
"Uhm all the guys know…stuff.. who uhm..work with..on the special teams.." Hall is turning pink again. Ahh there you are.
"So not all Rangers Men know this stuff just the special unmentionable squad?"
"Uh teams" Of course it all about organizing into teams. "If I can convince him I still live here than, success." I say in earnest expectation.
After a moment of thought Hal responds, "He looks for and waits for you here instead of tracking you to Haywood…" A tiny smile lifts his lips. He sees my second point but the first one is that gut feeling that says don't let him know you left.
By this time, it's been 30 minutes on the bed thanks to Hal distracting me with talk. Couldn't have done it without him. Ok I got to leave now, it's around 6 pm and my internal alarm bells are ringing. I can't stay out this late. I start to feel a little panicked because the sun is getting low. Logically my brain tells me he is not here and I am safe if I happen to get caught outside after dark. But still I need to go inside where there are lights and walls and shelter well before sunset.
I am on the 4th floor and it is 2200 hours. That is 10pm, I am getting better at this 24 hour clock. Two hours to 0000 or Midnight. I am antsy much earlier than usual tonight. I can usually make it to midnight before the nervous energy starts.
At 2300 hours I just go to the monitors to see who is on duty. Jeb and Dan are both there.
"Hey Stephanie" Dan greets me
"Mind if I join you?"
"Sure." We chat a little here and there but it is mostly, silence. I can't seem to get into any jovial conversations like top 10 movies or favorite foods. With the guys, you have to start the ball rolling. They won't do it themselves. I can't focus or sit still to talk with them. My stomach is in knots and my chest is heavy.
"I guess I need to work out" Dan nods "I am going to hit the gym. See you later"
"Have fun"
I face the punching bag. I am angry. I punch and pound the bag until I am breathless. Maybe it is the guy we took out yesterday. Maybe I am angry because he took out the team and I saw them today all injured. But it's not. We caught John Brown because we worked as a team. The guys are going to be fine. I am actually relieved. This is part of bounty hunting. They live to catch the bad guy. The anger continues to build in me.
I look up and see Tank in the gym. "Stephanie what's up?"
"Just working out"
"You don't sleep. Instead you come here in the wee hours of the night. You hate the gym. Now you're beating the bag to death." I look at him. I didn't think anyone was watching so closely
"I see you working on 5, I see you at the monitors, I see ON the monitors." He nods his head towards the gym camera. Oh what's he doing watching cameras in the security room? But I wasn't going to deny it.
"Yea So". What difference does it make.
"Ranger's up all night and he is back on the floor by midday." He says and then stares at me like that means something. I've seen Ranger on the floor so I know he works nights and then part of the day.
I look back at him.
"You're exhaust. He's exhausted. He just doesn't know it, but he won't listen to me. He won't stop unless he changes his focus." Tank then stares at me again giving me a 'you get what I am saying look?' But no, I don't get what you're saying Tank. Ranger is doing this because it's his job. He always gets his man, but this time it is an unmentionable who left 2 weeks ago and it's impossible to track.
"The trail is cold now so I don't expect…" I say in a halting voice I am sure my face shows my confusion
"Exactly, but he still searches like the trail is fresh. He won't stop."
"Well he always gets his man. He is methodical in his work I guess that's why he is the best at.."
"No Stephanie. He's the best because he knows when to strike and when to wait." I stare at Tank speechless. I don't get what he wants me to do or what he means.
My brain is too tired but I am wired and unable to sleep. Sigh. I feel the emotions churning up inside, squeezing into a tight ball into my throat. I don't know how to fix anything. Now Tank complains Ranger is broken and I don't know what he means or how to fix it. The feeling of helpless panic surges up in me stronger than before. I am just dragging Ranger down. Is that what Tank is saying?! I shake my head at him and go back to punching the bag, tears forming in my eyes. I am losing it. IF I wasn't so tired, Tanks words wouldn't be so upsetting. Because I'd understand what he is saying. I'd know how to help Ranger. I am angry and sad and afraid and lonely all mixed up into one. Damn it! Ranger will be fine; I tell myself taking deep breaths. You didn't hurt him. You didn't break Ranger! But my chest rages in sorrow.
"You both need for him to stay. Get some sleep. Then he can work a new plan." Tanks says eyeing my tears warily. His stance is awkward. What?! I feel a measure of relief, but the dam is broken. The tears flood my eyes. Everything comes crashing out.
"Ok Tank. Did you tell him?" I gasp between punches the tears flowing down my cheeks. I don't care if my tears scare Tank. I just want to punch the bag. He came in here and started bothering me.
"He won't get it unless you tell him." He says backing away from me
I don't know what he wants me to tell him, but I just nod and keep punching. It doesn't matter anyway. Ranger is gone on night mission. I won't even see him until tomorrow, if even then. Besides, how can I remember to tell him something I don't understand. What am I supposed to tell him again, Tank!? My mind screams as I kick the bag as hard as I can.
Stay with me. I need you.
The thought flashes into my head and for a second all the whirling thoughts stop in my head. And then my heart aches and screams.
He said he'd be there when he took me from my apartment. But I am alone in the dark.
He said he'd take me with him, whenever he could. But I am always left behind.
He said I'd be his partner in this. But I don't know anything.
I was too ill to do anything and couldn't go anywhere. No wonder he left me behind. No wonder he didn't tell me anything. I am too sick and pathetic! He won't take me on night missions. But even if he would, I don't want to roam at night. I am afraid of the darkness. I hate that I am so pathetic and weak. Thud thud thud thud. I hit the bag as hard as I can faster and faster. What's the point of chasing empty shadows!? No one is there in the darkness. Ranger is just exhausting himself for nothing. Ahgggg AHHH Thud, thud I am slowing down so I hit harder. I am sobbing so hard I can barely see. I wish I could stop the madness he is caught up in!
Anger and disgust fill me because I am afraid of the dark! So stupid. Yah Yah I kick the bag because my arms are too tired to throw a punch.
Stupid, stupid. So stupid, just figure this out! My tears continue to stream down, dripping off my jaw, as I gasp. But I keep kicking harder and harder.
I am so paralyzed why can't I do anything? why couldn't I move? Thud thud kick the bag some more. I can't fix anything . I am just weak and tired. Why can't I find something, any foothold on this problem?! Thump I go back to punching again. Thump thump . Why am I so powerless how did I get so pathetic? I can't even help out. I can't even support Ranger. No wonder he turns away. thud thud thud thud thud I'm failing completely. I hate my weakness. I kick the bag over and over until my anger subsides and all that is left are tears that stream continually down my face. I am no longer sobbing or making a single cry, but the tears won't stop.
So strange I mutter as the tears silently stream down my face in a steady march.
You're being a little harsh on yourself, my minds echoes back. Shut-up. But I feel better. I feel that positive voice showing me how to pull myself together. It tells me, yes I am weak. but who cares. Who isn't? So stop hating it and figure out how to work things despite your patheticness.
I wipe the tears and more come rolling down. Tomorrow I'll think about how to get around this. Things always look better in the morning.
I look up and there is Tank again but Ranger is next to him watching me. I am shocked. Its near midnight. He should be out with Alpha team.
I'd smile and wave, but the tears rolling down my cheeks would probably give me away.
"Babe are you alright?"
"Fine, just give me a minute" But it is clear I am not. As I get up, to maybe hit the bag some more or go on the treadmill, I sway and have to sit back down again. Hmmm, I guess I need a tiny break. I am tired.
I feel hands gripping my upper arms and I look up. Ranger is in front of me.
"Babe?" I see concern in his eyes. But mostly I see the dark circles of fatigue under his haunted eyes. Seeing that my tears turn to weeping again. And he pulls me to him in a tight hug.
"Tell me." I calm down and I just breath him in, my face at his chest. Ahh after that workout and a good hard cry, I am heavy and warm and relaxed. My mind empties and I see fuzzy darkness, so peaceful.
"Babe?" I startle when I feel someone is shaking me a bit. I was asleep, I realize. I look at Ranger and he seems surprised. He wasn't talking, was he?
"It's late you're exhausted. You should rest." He says
"MMmm"
"How about 9?" I shake my head "Your apartment on 4?" I look down and shake my head again. I can feel the anxiety swirling in me again. I'm antsy. I'd rather wait for dawn before I face my nightmares, alone. "Then where? what's your plan?"
"I'll just get cleaned up and then go to sleep a little later" After monitor duty.
He looks at me then his face darkens. Is he mad? His hands clench tighter on my arms. Oh he is angry but I'm not sure why. What was it Tank was trying to explain? How did I break him?
I pull out of his grasp and standing up bewildered, I turn to flee. I will let him cool down. We can talk about it later, maybe.
"What's going on?" Gone is the deep voice that warmed me, now it is tight and tense. I have the exact same question, I think, as I dash toward the door. But he easily catches my wrist and pulls be back hooking his other arm around my waist. Suddenly I am in his arms and his exhausted dark eyes are assessing, scrubbing my face.
"Uhm don't be mad. Tell me what is wrong and I'll fix it" My voice is weary and my heard is heavy as I peek up at his fierce face. My tired brain is searching for the new problem. What could it be? I rarely see him these days but when I do, it was always nice.
"Full disclosure Stephanie." Ohh he sounds mad.
"Okay… so you are here to tell me about your search and you want to know about my, uhm, results too?" I'm baffled. I've got nothing new on the vampire case. Seriously, when have I had a lead to investigate? but hey I am trying my best to understand. He's told me zip in the past 12 days. I learned everything about his recent searches from the guys or reading reports.
"I get reports you're up all night on monitors, I see you in the control room with day crew, now you're pounding the gym. Clearly you're exhausted but you won't sleep."
"Is that an unusual schedule? What do you think?" He doesn't answer he just waits silently. If it was anyone else, I'd say he was pouting. But Range doesn't pout. It's more like brooding. His emotions are on edge . Hmmm cranky Ranger.
I understand now. I am not trying to give him a hard time. I pull on his shoulder to get him to sit down on the floor then snuggle up to him my face in his neck, my head on his chest. I sigh, better. He seems to relax a little too and he is not so tight like he is ready to jump into an attack.
"I want to go to sleep. I'm tired. But every night I wake up terrified." My eyes are tearing steadily again. I don't think they ever completely stopped before. "The darkness is watching me through the windows everywhere I go. But if I dream in the daytime, when I wake up, everything is bright again. But even then, there are only so many times I can tolerate seeing it. So, I take a break from sleeping and get up and do something."
"Your memories are haunting your dreams." I nod not bothering to lift my head from his chest. "Nightly?" I nod again. Ranger pulls me away from him and looks at my face. His brows furrow, his eyes glitter, and he looks perplexed.
He wipes my tears with the pads of his thumbs. Shortly after, two more appear and begin their slow trail down my cheeks. It won't stop. His brows pinch together between his eyes and he gets a cute perplexed look on his face. I reach out and rub the top of his chest at his shoulder where my head was to let him know it is ok.
"Come on Babe." He stands and takes my hand.
"Where are we going?" I ask. My eyes are tearing nonstop and I look a mess
"My place unless you prefer yours?" I look at him bewildered. "Mine it is. First we need to stop at 4 to grab your toothbrush and things. Then I need to call my team."
Ranger takes me to my apartment and tells me to pack an overnight bag. I just brush my teeth take a quick shower and change into pajamas and a robe. Why pack anything to ride the elevator to the 9th floor. I can just ride the elevator back to all my things in the morning.
Ranger is still doing something in his home office. I lay in bed listening to his voice. Though I can't hear the words, I can hear its deep rumble. The light is already off but my night light is on. The one he bought for me. I try to sleep, but I can't. It isn't like being alone on 9, as his voice through the walls is comforting. It more like listening to the voices through the walls on floor 4. But I am still alone in the night and though I'm exhausted I can't seem to relax.
Ranger comes into the room and sees I am still awake.
"Isn't Alpha team on night mission? Did another team takeover or are you leading the team remotely in your office?"
"No. I canceled the mission. My team gets to sleep tonight"
"But won't that throw them off for tomorrow's mission?"
"No. I'm switching to days starting now." I grin. He does need more sleep.
He gets in and pulls me onto his chest and wraps his arms around me tight and snug. "Now tell me about your nightmare. The one that's keeping you awake."
I raise my head and look into his silky eyes. "It's not a dream. It's a memory. Just like you said." He nods. I relax and start to drift off
"And?"
"I don't want to talk about it and then dream it. When it comes tonight and I wake up, then I will tell you. That way it feels like it only visited me once"
"What if you don't dream it tonight?" he says his voice soft and low as a lullaby.
"Then, I'll be forever grateful to you..my lucky charm." I mumble drowsily. I can vaguely feel Ranger smiling and laughing so softly underneath me as everything turns warm and fades into fuzzy blackness.