I am such a sap and I made myself cry.

Soul was kissing along her inner thigh and Maka was catching her breath. She was still rattled from the ecstasy, that hum in each and every vein that came from what his tongue could do to her and the fact that he seemed entirely disinterested in leaving that post. While he toyed there, not showing an inkling of leaving the position between her legs and just now moving to graze his teeth against her skin, Maka was slowly coming out of her haze to come to the realization that had been sitting on the edge of her mind: We're just having sex.

Not that all the myriad of times before weren't having sex, but this was entirely different. Maybe he'd given her a look, she couldn't have even been all that sure, but right before he wandered to bed, the two of them parting ways like they sometimes did, there had been a mutual pause, the two of them dawdling at the doorway and for once, Maka didn't stop herself. What the rationale was somewhere still lost in the fog of once again finding herself moaning his name, but all the same, she followed him into his room, dangling her lips so close to his that he had no choice but to bridge the gap.

She hadn't been upset.

She hadn't been afraid of losing him.

If anything the past few days since the episode at his mother's had left her with a wisp of surety.

He'd even kissed her hand - kissed her hand - like some dainty gentleman in a period romance.

So maybe we're not just having sex… Maka let her eyes flick down to him, meeting that fiery red that had been watching her face. What if, right now, we're actually making love? What if… what if just for this second I can pretend like he does love me? Like this is us, this is what we could be if… As if to answer her his lips tucked between her legs again, eyes still on her, inquisitively waiting for her reaction. This is where she would rush him, pull him out of any chance of continuing but with a shaky breath, Maka just tilted her head back and let her hand wander into his hair. Just for this second, I'm going to pretend that he does.

Soul didn't disappoint her, repeating his previous motions with a vigor that brought her to another almost terrifying rush of euphoria that claimed just about every last ounce of her senses. That was why as he finally crawled up from between her legs wearing a smirk that was so laced with joy she could barely stand it, she rolled him over on the bed, straddled him, and for once didn't let him set a pace. Instead of the usual silence, she heard a few errant curses leave his lips, one hand clutching tightly at her hip while the other grasped at her breast, his head grinding back into the bed. His usual grunt came laced with a sigh but like always, he instantly dropped his hands away from her.

Maka didn't make her exit, instead leaning forward and tucking her head into the crux of his neck. Her hands felt anchorless, so she pressed them into the bed, clutching at the sheets at his sides. A few slow breaths rose her on his chest before a tentative hand touched the back of her neck, sinking under her silky tresses. "Where are we going this weekend?" she murmured into the cord of his neck.

Soul cleared his throat. "Last I checked you were still thinkin' about it."

"I am." Her thumb rubbed along his rib. "But where would we go?"

"Maybe I have an idea…"

Maka raised her head, daring to see the teasing smile and letting it press her heart into a thunderous beat. "So you're not going to tell me?"

He took a slow breath before tilting his head on the pillow. "Tell me whether or not you'll go."

"It's hard to choose when I don't know where I'm going," she whispered back.

All he did was settle his eyebrows.

"Fine," she huffed. "I'll go."

"Sounds like a hardship," he muttered.

"Soul, just tell me."

"Don't you…" His eyes flicked towards the door then back to her. "Shouldn't you get cleaned up first?"

"Don't complain, I'll change your sheets," she rolled her eyes before narrowing them on him again. "Are you trying to avoid the question?"

He laughed weakly, just a barely-there snort of air from his nose before he reached over to the bedside table and picked up his phone. "Here."

Maka searched his face just for a moment, watching for that hint of nervousness as if having free access to his phone would bring him some kind of anxiety but instead his face was even, easy, maybe even with a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. He'd opened the browser for her, a mobile website with a beautiful cascade of lights and colors.

"It's some art thing," the comment came easily with a shrug, "but it looks nice."

"Looks beautiful," Maka whispered into the screen. "That's where you want to go?" Her eyes peeped over the phone, catching those scarlet ones watching her closely.

"Why? Think I can't appreciate art?" he snickered.

"No," Maka laughed back. "You get bored thirty minutes into a movie. Maybe I was expecting music or some kind of… Well, music, since you're so snooty."

"It's not my fault you have shit taste," he continued to cackle as her palm slammed to his chest. "Hey, quit it." Soul knocked his phone haphazardly from her grasp as she rolled her over in bed, most certainly ruining the sheets in the process but not seeming to give it a second thought. "Seriously, you'll go?"

"I said yes," she sighed. "And it's not like-" Her words lost all strength as his lips hovered back close to hers, the heat of his chest blaring against her skin. "Soul…?"

"Can I kiss you?" The question was almost laughable between two naked bodies tangled together in bed but it was uttered with all seriousness.

After you make love, don't you stay together? Don't you kiss and talk and make plans like this? Instead of running to the bathroom to cover up the fact that every time you have sex with him it makes you want to cry? "That's the first time you've asked," she echoed him with barely a breath.

She heard the click of his swallow, and then his own mimicry, "Should I not?"

Is this what you want, Soul? tried to urge from her lips but all that came was a trembling sigh as she bridged that tiny breath of space to press her lips back to his.

"Maka, you're still here!" Liz slipped into her office. "It's late, isn't it?"

"I could say the same thing to you, right?" Maka grinned.

"Oh, you know Star, never fucking prepared so here I am dropping off another case file so he can decide not to read it tonight and make this trip utterly useless!" Liz huffed as she dropped into the chair in front of Maka's desk. "No Soul tonight?"

"Oh," Maka shrugged. "It's not like we go home together every night…"

Liz rolled her eyes.

"He's been out interviewing for me," Maka finally caved with a grumble. "He's been seeing if we can't get into the warehouse… and he's actually found some great stuff, some underlings-"

"But how's he been?" Liz cut into her words since work was rarely something she wanted to talk about with Maka. Living vicariously through this will-they-won't-they romance had become a permanent replacement for soaps.

Maka sighed and leaned into her elbow. "Different, but… the same. I don't know. It's all been… so weird with him going to the doctor. I thought it was going to shut him up even more but, Liz, seriously, the other day he admitted it."

"That he loves you?" Liz burst without hesitation.

A ferocious blush touched her cheeks, "Liz, I told you-"

"Yeah, yeah, that story from a million years ago," Liz huffed. "Seriously, he was eighteen. If he was talking about you - which I'm not even convinced about - then it was definitely a lie because, Maka, come on! You hold hands, you lounge on the couch, I get that he hasn't tried to pry open your legs but some guys are like that, you know? And Soul is… surprisingly delicate."

Like when he asked if he could kiss me even after he'd just 'pried open my legs.' It was sweet, so sweet, and… for a second I was pretty sure it was all a lie, too, that none of that ever happened or I imagined it or… "He… admitted he wasn't trying to die for me, that's all. He finally said something about the attack, finally talked about it more than just to tell me to forget it. And I thought maybe he was just saying what I wanted to hear, but he was trembling. He meant it and he asked me to forgive him."

"Forgive him?" Liz's mouth dropped to her chest. "And you obviously said, 'Yes, Soul, I forgive you for saving my life by stepping in front of a knife for me' back, right?"

"Well," Maka rolled the sound off her tongue, trying to buy time and thought.

"Maka Albarn! Seriously?" Liz catapulted forward in the chair. "What the hell is there to forgive?"

For doing that and not being in love with me, the answer came with the ease of her breath but always the same painful hesitation. The answer just had no sense to it, and she wondered sometimes what his face would be if she said it, if she finally let that rest between the two of them. I'm so angry with you because you won't love me. Because you do all these things for me, for all intents and purposes are with me, but you're not in love with me. Shouldn't you just let me go? Wouldn't it have been easier, so much less of a burden, if you just watched me die that night?

"Earth to Maka!" Liz growled. "If you can't think of the answer to that, maybe you're wrong."

A tiny noise croaked from her throat and Maka pressed a hand to her mouth to catch it. I'll forgive him if he just says that he loves me, if he could just do that much and I… maybe I don't even care if it's a lie at this point, if he's saying it just to make me feel better. The past few weeks… I keep thinking maybe, maybe, and each time it kills me to let the hope in, so I need him to kill it. I need to hear him say it. She let her fingers rest over trembling lips before she let anything sneak through, "Maybe I am… maybe that's why I said yes to going out tomorrow."

"Like a date?" Liz balked again.

The word suddenly hit her with the entirety of its weight. "I… don't know."

"He asked you, specifically, about going somewhere tomorrow night?"

"Yes."

Liz shot each one of these off with a finger, her grin getting wider with each digit. "Soul, the boy who lets all plans come to him, who definitely never kept a calendar or datebook and would probably rather be run over hot coals than make plans ahead of time?"

Maka nodded somberly.

"Definition of a date," Liz cooed. "Where?"

"An art show," Maka waved her hands before amending, "Like one of those light show things. I think it's called an interactive light exhibit?"

"Maka," Liz groaned. "That's romantic, and not just some stupid movie where he could ignore you for a few hours. Seriously, Maka, if this isn't a date I'll lick the bottom of my shoe."

Maka let out a weak laugh, "I don't know. We go places together all the time. Most of my weekends are spent doing something with him anyway, so how is this different?"

"When's the last time he asked?" Her voice was firm, not even letting the question drift before the next clobbered over top of it. "When's the last time it wasn't just a default that it was you and him? When was the last time that he made sure to let you know that you weren't just a given, you were a choice?"

A hazy quiver of heat rippled from her guts to her cheeks. "Maybe it's… maybe it's a date."

"Came home with another girl. Go in?"

"No. Her alone."

"Will wait for girl to leave."

"Nvm, fuckboy came home, other girl still there."

"Boss, seriously, blondie is never alone."

"Fuck. Fine. Tomorrow, plan B."