Chapter 11: Foolish Hearts Dare
"Erin".
"Erin".
"Erin… please, I need to talk to you".
James's need was desperate. They had to speak, and they had to speak now.
"Erin!"
He heard her feet lightly caress the floor and the footsteps then grew louder, allowing himself the chance to breathe easier. The door handle turned, and a small gap opened in the doorway, just enough for James to squeeze himself through. She was giving him an opening…
Erin did not dare look at him. She couldn't bring herself to look at James now because even her visions betrayed her; whenever she saw James, she saw Harriet too. He looked around, trying to find his place in the room. She perched on the edge of her bed, head now in her hands, bending forward towards the floor. The corner of the room was where James eventually found his place, so often the place he would sit when they were studying. For months he knew his place in that room. But on a wintery night just before Christmas, the room only functioned as the backdrop to him finding out his true place with Erin.
"Erin…". James started gently.
She did not look up at his words. Her sniffles were the only sound in the room other than the quiet tremors of the music emanating from the living room.
And the beating of their hearts.
Five. Five times he said her name without reply. What more can I say?...
"I… I'm sorry".
Finally, she spoke. Unable to keep up the barriers that she created around them, Erin turned to words, her main strength. The barriers began to fall.
"I just wanted to make sure she wasn't trouble".
Mustering all the courage she could find, Erin looked up to see him staring at her. James simply peered at her swollen eyes. History was repeating itself. Katya…
"I…". James tried to start but found himself lacking the ability to continue.
"I don't want her to use ye James. Ye… yer my best friend and… ye know I… just want what is best for ye".
Her best friend. The knowledge shocked James. Shocked him to his core, any hope of the words he searched for disappearing further into the abyss of his feelings.
"When she started hugging ye at the café I didn't like it and… then when ye went to the Jewellers with her and she was all over ye… it wasn't right… she's not the one James".
James's wide eyes had flattened into a furrowed brow at Erin's continuation. It was only then that Erin realised she spilled everything. It was never her intention to admit her prior actions, the betrayal of their friendship by her deception. That is what it was. He was her friend, and she severed the nature of their friendship by going behind his back. He deserves better than me…, the sad lonely voice inside her cried out. Another tear escaped and ran down her cheek.
"You…" James found his voice. "You've spied on me Erin?"
And he knew it was deception too. She wanted to run again but it was hopeless. Erin knew she could not run from her heart forever. She let it break there and then instead. Grabbing her pillow, she threw her head into it and wept. Never before had the exposure been so harrowing. Not even when Orla read her diary out to all and sundry. But her heart would not be beaten that easily, beginning to race again when the bed dropped slightly, and a warm hand found its way to the exposed skin on her back.
"I know she's not the one Erin".
No. I can't have been that foolish… I…
To Erin, everything was only getting worse. She never wanted there to be anything between Harriet and her wee English fella but finding out this way burned away at her. How could James even look at her now? But when she picked herself up, he was doing just that. Did he…
"She's… not?"
"There is nothing going on between me and Harriet". His hand remained on her back, a gentle stroke causing a shiver of joy around her body. "I need to explain something to you Erin".
James removed the hand off her back and bought it to meet his left hand that rested in his lap. She straightened up, disappointed by his hand no longer being on her but tilting her head to meet the dropped head of James anyway.
"Harriet…". He paused, the words again eluding him, but Erin's eyes told him to try to find them. He did. "Her dad sits in the House of Lords. When she gets back, she has a boyfriend waiting for her and all the pressures and expectations of her family too. She's never been allowed a boy to just be a friend and talk to. She hugged me because I wanted to be that friend".
Oh god, I really have been foolish. Or is he lying. She is deceptive…
"Is that what she told ye to say".
The moment the words left her mouth, Erin knew she was being ridiculous. The feelings she fought were stronger than any she had battled before, and they were flustering her ridiculously. Taking umbrage with the remark, James stood up and walked back to where he started in the room, back into the corner. Only his coat remained on the bed and Erin felt cold without him. So… cold. The pillow went back in front of her; broke from her attitude towards him, she felt solace for her tears in the material. The sound of paper being shuffled brought her away from sorrow, and confusion replaced it within the core of her feelings. James now held a piece of paper in front of him. She knew which one.
"My poem…" She choked out. "I… I never got around to finishing it".
The warmth in his smile stopped the tears in their tracks. There may have even been a hint of mischief in them.
"The flower conceded
Ambition floored
But then came the Lion
And all hope was restored
From then on
The flower knew
That the lion was hers
And she was his too".
He finished the poem for her. He could only have finished it if he felt it too; only Erin's heart knew the ending to that body of work.
"How?... When?" She murmured in disbelief.
James hummed a gentle laugh at her before dropping to a more serious expression.
"When did I know John-Paul was the snake? Yeah… when I was on your roof".
She couldn't help but laugh at him this time. Slowly but surely the angst retreated and the air around them became sweeter… friendly… and perhaps more. Her foolish heart dared.
"As for how". James continued, the warm smile returning. "Remember when I came back to Derry, after I said I was leaving?"
All too well Erin remembered the 30th November. The memory of how she could not speak when learning of his departure, how she wanted to say so much but did not. Thinking back to what she wrote in her diary afterwards, Erin could only think how stupid she was not to have dealt with what her heart told her then. She could have avoided all of this. Why am I such an eejit!
"Derry is my home now, it's where I belong. My future lies here and…". He stopped and their eyes locked in place. "… that future has you in it. That is why I came back".
James's cards were on the table. By the end of his monologue, they passed by the point of no return and into unknown territory when it came to what existed between them. The boundaries of friendship were breached. It was more than friendship now. Like that day in November and a few times since, the supposed strength of Erin, her ability to bend language to her will, ceased to exist. Finding confidence from the lack of a rebuke, James resumed.
"As for the jewellers… it is easier if I show you".
He moved forward to pick up his coat and Erin could only watch in her heightened emotional state. So many feelings rushed around, she could not describe it and if her heart were to beat any quicker then it would explode. Reaching into an inner pocket, he pulled out two rectangular shaped boxes. One wrapped in seasonally themed paper and the other unwrapped, the black leather of the case just visible in the barely lit room.
"I guess you followed me because you thought Harriet and I were meeting up to have sex?"
He posed the question to her, both boxes in hand and Erin could only look away again, completely ashamed of herself. That was the exact reason Erin found herself in the town that evening. And now James knew.
"Harriet's family own the jewellers Erin. I told her about how I felt, and she agreed to help to me. When she said she was ready at school, she meant she was ready to show me these".
Erin turned back to see him lightly shake the boxes just in front of his face. Despite the awkward nature of the conversation, his smile remained. Upon learning of a further misconception, Erin only felt more foolish. Turning her mind to Harriet's last name, the stupidity only grew in her eyes. How did I miss that?
"Stand up Erin". James asked, taking a step closer towards her. "Please".
Courage. It was required again. The boundaries of what was expected of them must be stood up to and Erin had to do it there and then. He might have been English… he might have been one of them… but the heart wants what it wants… and she had to stand up. That is exactly what Erin did.
She made her stand. And his foolish heart dared.
Holding out the wrapped gift in front of her, and in doing so James shuffled forward ever so slightly, he closed the gap between them even further. Taking in into her hands, she allowed her fingertips to touch his and revelled in the way it made her feel. The same feeling that she had when it happened in the back of Joe's car after prom. Except this time, Erin's understanding of why was heightened.
Tearing away at Christmas wrapping before the big day itself would normally seem wrong but Erin did not care this time. Why should she? The black leather box matched the one in James's hand and she glanced up to him with a hopeful smile. Opening it, a dream became true. No… the dream. There was a necklace inside and delicately, she removed it from the case to hold out in front of her. From a couple of feet away James did the same with his identical one.
The necklace contained a small heart and either side the letters E and J, hugging into the side of the heart. Erin and James.
Her heart, so often her worst nightmare in the days since Harriet's arrival and in reality, since the day of James's arrival… the pieces came back together and for the first time in her life, Erin Quinn felt complete. James Maguire was in love with Erin Quinn. Her dream of his love no longer had to be just that. It was real.
The crafting of the necklace was exquisite, fit for a Queen, and for a moment Erin thought of how much they must have cost. Even if Harriet's family owned the shop, they were far too spectacular to be given away for free… the horses!
Of course. The winnings from his bets with Granda Joe. The only money he received in his various endeavours for her Granda. Coming away from her realisation, she watched as he fixed the necklace around himself. He hid nothing now and his soft eyes gazed upon every inch of her once he'd finished. She enjoyed it when he did. It was as if nothing else existed in his world but her. Stepping forward again, his hands moved up with a silent offer and reading the gesture, Erin allowed him to take her necklace into his hands. He was now right in front of her, their noses close enough to make it aggravating not to touch. Slowly his hands worked around the back of her neck to connect the necklace in place, every brush onto her skin making her knees weaker. If he stayed there for too long, she knew she would fall apart. Hearing the click of it fastening, James stepped back and the distance between them extended again but not too far. All his beauty was before Erin's eyes and she bit her lip.
"Erin, I..".
"No. Wait".
He was stunned. All of the progress, the way my knees have become like jelly, and now she is rejecting me? Were the wheels of fate turning at the very last?
But James should have known better and immediately felt as foolish as Erin did a few minutes beforehand. Moving over to her wardrobe, Erin pulled out matching gifts of her own and like James, one was wrapped in Christmas paper and the other was not. With a smile wider than the mouth of the Foyle, Erin handed James his wrapped box and quickly removed the layer of wrapping paper over it. The box, bigger than the ones the necklaces were kept in, was adorned with a fine lid and gently he took it off. Reaching inside, for the first time in his life, James felt complete. Love. He knew it to be true from her now too. The ornament in his hands made the Englishman want to laugh and cry together, with not a care about anything else. A man and a woman were stood holding hands, their heads leaning into one and other in a sign of true love. It was what they were wearing that made it special. The man wore a suit and a very familiar scarf and the woman's dress looked very suspiciously like an Easter dress that he had seen before.
"I sent a sculptor the picture Granda took of us at prom". Erin explained, James chuckling at it.
"It is beautiful Erin. I never knew that I meant so much to you".
James's voice cracked as he finished but he recovered it into one of the lopsided grins that made Erin's heat melt. Fluttering her eyelashes at him, they both put the statues back into their respective boxes and onto Erin's desk. Reaching out, James grabbed her outstretched hand and pulled her in close to him, his other hand dropping to hold her waist. Neither ever thought they would get the chance to be so close to the other and both froze, unsure of what to do next. The only thing they could find comfort in was each other's laughter and both burst into fits of it, whilst their bodies were pressed against each other.
"We're eejits aren't we". Erin smiled up at him.
"I do believe we are. I love you Erin".
The poetic girl of the group decided against words with her reply. Erin threw her lips onto his and suddenly there were no troubles, no soldiers, no IRA. In her room at that moment, it was just Erin Quinn and James Maguire. Kissing. They eased into the kiss, as if they had done it one hundred times. Both could feel the other grinning through their lips and his hands gripped onto her waist tightly, sending waves of arousal through her body. Her hands were around his neck and the tips of her fingers laced around the curls of his hair.
"Ahem".
SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!
Erin extracted herself from his loving lips and jumped back to find her Granda Joe stood in the doorway to her room. From a moment of bliss, she descended into a blind panic, attempting to find any excuse to ward him off with. But how the hell could she explain snogging the face off of James to her Granda with anything else but the truth?
"All square now son?". Joe addressed James, to Erin's utter incomprehension.
"Yes. Thank you Joe".
Granda Joe gave them both a nod and then… a wink, before walking off with a gleeful grin slapped across his chops. Erin turned back to James and raised her brows, demanding an explanation for what just happened with her Granda.
"My agreement with him was that if I listened, worked hard and helped out, that he would allow me to be with you, if you wanted to be with me".
Erin hadn't considered the prospect of being even more in love with him but as he revealed the details of the previously secret agreement, she found it possible. She thought it despicable that Granda appeared to use James as slave labour yet the whole time he was working away to be with her. That was special.
"I asked for your parents' permission too". James unexpectedly continued, furthering Erin's love for him. "This party was my idea. If everything had gone as planned, your dad was going to create some sort of distraction that allowed us to be alone so that I could ask you out on a date. But this… this is better".
Another one of those dopey, lopsided grins came to show itself and she couldn't help but shift back into his arms and cuddle into him, her head coming to rest on his chest… where it belonged.
"Clare and Michelle know as well". Yet more information escaped from his lips that shocked her. "It took a little while to sink in, but they are happy for us. And I think Orla probably knows by now".
Erin couldn't help but be delighted at the news of their friend's acceptance of their love. It would still be a difficult road, but it was a start. Months, if not years, of Michelle's mockery lay in wait but they would laugh it off as a team. At that moment though she couldn't care less, and Erin's lips were soon back on James's and they explored each other a bit more thoroughly this time.
"You drive me mad with desire, James Maguire". She hummed mischievously.
"You put my head in a spin, Erin Quinn". He replied with equal mischief in his voice.
They started laughing with their lips together and eventually had to pull away, putting hands over their mouths to try and stop the rapturous laughter.
"We're absolute doses" Erin chuckled, putting a hand back on his chest.
"We are foolish. But adorable I think".
James's summary of their relationship did not help stop their amusement but eventually they stopped to breath and James took her hand in his.
"We should go down before Joe gets the wrong idea". He beamed at her.
"Aye. Hopefully, we won't have to face too many questions". Erin replied.
"I think you know we will".
Erin squeezed his hand and grinned. For once, she wasn't that bothered what everyone else would say or ask about them. There was no more hiding and lying. She was victorious.