It is finally here, I've had half of this chapter written for nearly two years now. I am so sorry! I was rereading the reviews the other day and realised how much I love this story. And what better time than lockdown to get back into it! Please leave me fanfiction recommendations to read as well, I sometimes feel like I've read every one on this site! You guys have no idea how much I've missed Sirius, and this plot.

The song for this Chapter is Missin You Crazy by Russ.

Hermione stretched and felt the camp bed beneath her creak slightly. When she looked over she could see that Lily was already awake as her bed was made and she was nowhere in sight. It had been a few weeks since Hermione had moved in with Lily and her family, and she was yet to hear from James about Sirius. Hermione had decided to take that as a good sign, as surely if he had died someone would inform her.

Lily's parents had accepted Hermione as almost a surrogate daughter, and Hermione was really enjoying staying at the Evans's. They had game nights where they played board games which fascinated Hermione to no end. She had of course heard of Monopoly and Pictionary in muggle studies but had never been allowed to play them what with her family's stance on anything muggle. Lily's mum was especially understanding, and Hermione often found herself gossiping around the kitchen table well into the night with her and Lily. The only spanner in the works was Lily's actual sister Petunia. Needless to say, they had not made great first impressions on each other, and Hermione was shocked to see that that was actually how she always behaved.

'It's nice to only have half the insults thrown at me,' Lily had jokingly commented after Petunia had called Hermione an uppity magician because Hermione had corrected her pronunciation. Hermione couldn't help it if she had had an exemplary education from a young age. However, nothing, and I mean nothing, was worse than when Petunia's boyfriend came to visit. Vernon. Everything about the man was repulsive, from his barely there moustache to his five dozen chins. Vernon was extremely arrogant and looked down on both Lily and Hermione, stupid muggle. Lily was especially annoyed that Petunia had told Vernon about what she was, as it was a major violation of the statute of secrecy.

'It's not my ministry so I don't have to follow any of their stupid rules,' Petunia had replied petulantly.

Dinners with all six was often a very tense affair, and more than once either Lily or Petunia had run off half way through the meal crying, leaving either Hermione or Vernon feeling extremely uncomfortable. That evening, however, Hermione and Lily had made a pact that neither would rise to Petunia or the lump, as they had taken to calling Vernon, as they had exciting plans to attend to when the meal was finally done. While it had taken Hermione these last few weeks to mourn the loss of her family (the death of Tiny would take so much longer) she was finally ready to begin what she and Lily had decided to call 'Hermione's ascent to Muggle'. Basically, she was ready to rebel.

'Now, you girls mentioned a sleep over at Ruby's tonight yes?' Lily's father asked the two unusually quiet girls as desert was finishing up.

'Yeah,' Lily replied after swallowing. 'Facemasks and magazines, just girly stuff.' Her eyes darted quickly to Hermione and back to her dad.

'That sounds lovely,' Lily's mother interjected. 'I'm so glad you're getting on with Lily's friends here Hermione.'

Hermione returned Lily's mother's smile guiltily. Lily and Hermione had actually stuck to themselves for the majority of the summer, the only real contact they had with muggles was asking and then paying for fake ID's, and Lily's friend Ruby of course.

'She would, she's just as weird as Lily is,' Petunia muttered, stabbing a grape with her fork. Everyone ignored her.

'Your bus money is on the side next to the front door,' her father continued. 'Don't bother helping tidy up, just go and enjoy yourself.'

'Thank you so much,' Lily said as she stood up and kissed him on the cheek.

'Yeah thanks Mr. Evans,' Hermione added. Neither was going to decline the offer, nor take their time leaving the house. Grabbing their over night bags and the money they had been left, Lily and Hermione began to run down the quiet road, laughing loudly as they looked forward to what the night held.

After getting the bus into town Lily and Hermione eagerly knocked on Ruby's door. Ruby was a friend Lily had made back in primary school, the only one she kept in touch with in fact. Ruby had long, dark hair and was extremely pretty, but beyond that she was a genuinely kind person. Exactly the sort of person Hermione imagined Lily being friends with.

Without saying a single word Ruby held up two cards, one with Hermione's face on it and one with Lily's face on it. The two girls squealed, it was their fake ID's.

'I can't believe we're actually doing this,' Lily said, one part excited two parts nervous. If truth be told, Lily was not the sort of girl to buy drinks under age, she wanted to be head girl for Merlin's sake, but she knew that for one night, especially this night, Hermione really needed this. Tomorrow, the girls would be getting their supplies for Hogwarts, and the day after would be the 1st September. Hermione was in no way ready to face Sirius and Lily knew she needed a night to truly feel in control of her life and do something purely because she wanted to. And so Lily decided that for one night she would suck it up and step out of her comfort zone, her best friend needed it.

'I know!' Hermione exclaimed. 'Me neither, I can't wait.'

'Well what are we waiting for then!' Ruby cried, grabbing the girls bags and throwing them inside before closing the front door of her house behind her. While the girls were ready to be a bit rebellious, they still wanted a girly night in. The fake ID's were so they could go down to the corner shop and buy drinks, before going back to Ruby's house where her parents were away.

Hermione wanted to have this night in order to push Sirius and her family out of her head but didn't realise that alcohol would actually have the opposite effect on her. Sirius was now all she could think about. But at least this time she had the good sense to keep her mouth shut before she ruined the entire night. They began by playing would you rather, and then started to answer quizzes in a muggle magazine. Flicking through Hermione was shocked.

'What the hell is makeup and where can I get some?'

Ruby looked at her like she had grown an extra head. 'You don't know what makeup is? What are you, like a nun or something?'

Lily patted Ruby's arm, trying to be soothing while just looking extremely dazed. 'Hermione here has very strict parents, they kept her locked in a dungeon.'

'It was not a dungeon,' Hermione giggled at the appalled look on Ruby's face. 'It was a tower.' She burst out laughing.

'Alright princess,' Ruby muttered, not getting the joke at all and wanting to move on from Lily's weird friend's sense of humour. 'Let's do face masks!'

'Was he a good kisser Mione?' Lily slurred, as she tried to get the cucumber from her eye to her mouth. It was about 1 in the morning and they had drank more than Hermione ever had in her life; thank god there were no boys near by to confess her undying love to this time.

'Who?' Ruby asked curiously, handling her drinks better than the other two girls.

'Jamessssss.'

Hermione grimaced, 'It was odd, I dunno I guess kissing someone because you feel sorry for them and hurt yourself isn't really the best way to go about things.'

'Why would you kiss James, Lily says he's really annoying,' Ruby queried.

'He's like a brother to me,' Hermione frowned.

'Even more reason not to!'

The girls looked at each other and chuckled nervously, Hermione was so scared this topic would remind Lily that she was mad at her. But she shouldn't have worried, Lily snorted suddenly and then all three were really laughing; the alcohol creating a happy buzz in their stomachs instead of the emotional brain fog Hermione was used to. This is how it should be, she thought. She loved the Marauders with all of her heart, but they would never be able to understand the complexities of her feelings towards Sirius. She couldn't ask them to take a side because as much as Sirius hurt her, she would rather be alone knowing that Sirius had people to rely on. Looking around, Hermione smiled as she saw Ruby brushing Lily's hair while Lily tried to pick up the bottle of gin with her foot. She wouldn't ever need to be alone again, she had her girls.

'I wish Mary was here,' Hermione thought aloud. The last piece missing from this rather strange puzzle.

Lily cried in triumph as she finally took a sip from the bottle.

'Holy shit,' Hermione grumbled as she staggered into Diagon Alley with Lily. 'Why is it so damn sunny.'

Lily grunted, putting her sunglasses on while trying to detangle a knot in her hair. 'Lets just get this over with and then we can lie in a dark room and die.'

Rolling her eyes at Lily's dramatics, but instantly regretting it when the simple action hurt her head, Hermione grabbed her hand and they began to head towards Flourish and Blotts.

Two hours later and many shopping bags, the girls felt slightly better, enough at least to eat some food. They had decided that the only way to cure their hangover was to buy not only their school supplies but every shiny piece of jewellery they could see. This, along with all the muggle clothes Hermione had bought with Lily's parents, was more than enough for a new year of Hogsmeade dates. If she ever got asked to one…

'Lily, you go ahead and grab us a table I just need to buy some new ink,' Hermione called, and Lily headed off to the Leaky Cauldron, happy for the first time that she would be sitting in such a dark pub.

After buying the required ink, Hermione also picked up some invisible ink in the hopes that she could reconcile with her boys at some point and continue with their prank streaks. She sighed, her thoughts in such a jumble. On the one hand, Hermione loved her boys with all of her heart, they had been her first real family outside of Tiny and gave her a sense of purpose instead of just living her life through fictional characters. James was like a protective younger brother that stood up for her as much as he annoyed her; he would do anything to make her smile. Kiss pushed aside, they had a bond that she thought was unbreakable. Remus was her kindred soul, when she was around him she felt like she was at home and knew that he felt the same. Poor, sensitive Remus always knew what to say but more importantly when to say nothing at all. It hurt her beyond anything, beyond Nial pushing her down the stairs, or her childhood illness, that she had been unable to spend her Summer term with them.

But Sirius… She sighed, she had done her best to push him from her mind once she got to Lily, to pretend that she didn't care about him. But every night, while tossing and turning in the little camp bed that she preferred to her King size bed at home, she thought of him and cried silently. What happened to the two best friends that knew everything about each other. Who sought each other out at the elaborate events and knew that when they locked eyes all of the trauma of their families would be worth it. Silly little ten year olds who stole champagne and threw smoked salmon at the statues to see who could make it stick. Who spoke in whispers of their dreams for the future and promised that they would share them. Hermione felt a soul shaking ache that followed her like a dementor everywhere she went. She couldn't even be angry at him, angry that her elf was dead, angry that she had left her birth family and her Hogwarts family for him, angry that she couldn't give herself properly to Kit, she didn't care about any of it. She would do it all again for him. But oh god she missed him so much. She should have never told him how she felt, right? Ducking into an alley way to wipe her tears, Hermione leaned against the cold bricks and tried to calm down. She only had today to come up with some sort of plan for the coming year. Should she avoid him? Should she run into his arms and stay there until a girl pushed her out? She did not know if she would be able to handle seeing Sirius with someone else now that she knew it would never be her place in the end. That thought alone was what settled her mind. Her time as a Marauder was done for as long as her heart continued to hurt. Holding the stupid invisible ink her hand, she let it clatter to the floor and smash.

'What a waste of the little money you have left dear sister.'

Hermione's head shot up and she furiously wiped her eyes. Her brother, her real brother unfortunately, was stood a few meters away staring at her. She was expecting the cruel smirk on his face, but it did not make it hurt any less.

'What do you want, why are you here?' She said with a sigh, completely not in the mood to confront him in such an emotional (and hung over) state. Nial strode towards her, stopping close by and staring at her intently, the smirk on his face long gone. It looked like he was searching for something in her expression, and Hermione hoped that her eyes were not bloodshot from the tears she had shed unwillingly.

'Come home Hermione,' Nial said in a whisper, shocking her into looking him in the eyes. His own eyes stared back at her, they really did look very similar she thought to herself. Her vulnerability got the better as she searched them for some kind of warmth or comfort, nearly tricking herself into believing it could be there.

'There's nothing for me there Nial,' Hermione whispered back. 'I can't be the person mum and dad need me to be, that you were raised to be. I was left behind, and I created my own family, my own path to go down.' She had no idea why she was being so honest, but deep down she felt like this was the real goodbye. She had to make it count. 'I loved you so much, my first friend. If things had been different…'

'This doesn't have to be so final. You can come back, say you're sorry and take your punishment. We're blood Hermione, you don't get to just throw this away.' Nail replied, his eyes growing harder with every word.

Feeling beaten down and upset, Hermione just shook her head and turned to leave, but felt Nial grab her hand.

'If you leave now, we're enemies do you understand that?' Nial said almost pleadingly. 'There is no going back. What happened to Sirius, it's going to happen to me and I will not resist. Something is coming, and I cannot afford to hesitate. No matter who is in my way.' Hermione understood the threat as what it really was, a promise. A promise that one day there would be a war, and Nial knew as well as her that they would face each other.

'Then I guess I'll see you then,' she tugged her hand from his and strode back into the main street. No tears left her eyes this time, the pain was something different, something expected. Every cruel word he had spat at her, every punch and spell that landed, every trip to the hospital wing that he caused could not be erased with a fond look. This was the difference, the reason she would sacrifice everything for Sirius and nothing for Nial. Sirius was a good person. He had got one thing right, she really was damaged goods huh?

So lost in thought on her way to meet Lily, Hermione did not see the lamppost before she had walked right into it, falling to the ground and cursing loudly.

'Fuck.'

Lily looked up in shock as Hermione walked in, 'Mione what happened to you?' Hermione was sporting the beginning of a nasty black eye, and shot her best glare at Lily as she slid into the seat opposite her at the booth.

'Did you order for me yet? If I don't eat something soon I'm going to pass out.'

At Lily's nod Hermione sighed and filled her in on seeing her brother just moments ago.

'I don't get why you didn't just hex him and run,' Lily said with a frown as she finished the last of her plate. 'After everything he did to you, and to Mary.'

'Yeah I get it Lils, I should've but something about his expression made me stop. I think after losing so many people in such a short amount of time I needed to at least hear him out.' Lily put her hand on Hermione's as she said this, and gave her a look so full of sympathy that she nearly started crying all over again. She was definitely going to blame all of these emotions on the alcohol from last night.

'Hermione, you need to talk to Sirius. If not him, at least James or Remus. Stop acting like you've lost everyone when we all still love you so much. Even if everyone else goes you'll still have me, and I am so so so sorry for letting you be alone last year. It'll never happen again, you're basically an Evans now anyway I'm pretty sure mum likes you better than she likes me.'

Hermione gave her a watery smile at this, 'I know Lily, and I understand. But it's just too difficult. I can't be around Sirius anymore, and I can't ask the guys to choose. The thought of pretending everything is okay when I see him hold another girls hand one day, or hug them the way he used to hug me, it makes me feel physically ill. I mean, I'm saying all of this like it's my choice but honestly he might not even want to see me. Who knows how he's feeling?'

'Now you're just being dramatic,' Lily smirked, and Hermione laughed in thanks of her best friend changing the mood before it got too depressing. 'They won't leave you alone on the train when they see that black eye, we need a story to tell them that doesn't involve you walking into a lamppost. I don't mind anyway, maybe now you'll spend more time with me in the library to revise for O.W.L's. Not that you don't beat me in every subject anyway.' Hermione grinned and bumped Lily with her shoulder as they stood to leave the pub.

'What can I say I'm just a genius,' Hermione teased, holding her smile even as she saw Nial and her parents walk through the pub to back room where the fire-places were kept.

Sirius sat up in bed, glaring at James for waking him up so early.

'Aw cheer up Pads! We need to get ready to go, I thought you'd be excited to finally see Mione.' James said grinning, knowing that as soon as he mentioned the fifth Marauder Sirius would be eager to get up.

True to form, Sirius did push back the covers and stand up, stretching before throwing his pillow at James. 'Train doesn't leave for another four hours though,' he grumbled with no hint of resentment present in his voice.

Today was the day, back to Hogwarts for their fifth year. Sirius had spent a long month and a half waiting for this day to come. From the second he woke up in James' house and had not seen Hermione there, he knew that he needed to speak to her. On that frightful night, it was finally the grand finale of his parents pushing and punishment from over the years. It had certainly ramped up in the last year or so especially. Lying on the floor in a pool of his own blood, having bitten his tongue while under the cruciatus curse, Sirius thought only of the love of his life. That man was there, the one they called the Dark Lord. Frankly, Sirius didn't give a shit what they wanted to call him, he would never bow down to any other man, he was a real Black. Unlike the rest of his family, who quivered and cowered and looked so pleased to serve someone else, like a house elf. The entire thing disgusted him. The pain had been unbearable, and while it should have been all that consumed his mind, it was the opposite. It was like the pain brought clarity. That life is so fleeting and so easily manipulated. It wasn't guaranteed that he would have a happy ending. Why was he so determined to spend what time he had pissing off his family and pushing away his best friend? Finally swallowing his pride and knowing who he needed, he grabbed the emergency portkey he kept on himself at all times and left his family behind, heading towards the woman he was sure was his future. Good riddance.

That was why when he woke up at James's house, he was so confused, where was Hermione? He needed to grab her, and kiss her, and tell her that everything he said on that stupid night was wrong and that he loved her. Today was the day he might finally be able to do all of that.

'Let's go eat then Prongs,' Sirius clapped James on the back as he walked past him, pulling a jumper over his body so that Mrs. Potter wouldn't shout at him for indecency at the dinner table.

The boys ate breakfast ravenously, so that if Mr and Mrs Potter hadn't been there to witness it they would have sworn they hadn't had dinner last night. Smiling indulgently, Mrs Potter said, 'oh I am going to miss you boys. Please do try to behave, your exams are very important.'

Nodding as he swallowed his last bite, Sirius ran up the stairs to finish packing.

'What is he in such a hurry about?' Mr Potter enquired, amused.

'Needs to go and sort things out with Mione,' James replied as he ate at a slightly less manic pace, as clarity dawned upon his parents.

'Oh that poor girl,' Mrs Potter exclaimed. 'Her parents blasted her from the tree yesterday, I heard about it from the Zabinis. All to make sure Sirius would be okay. You are lucky to have a friend like that James, make sure she always knows that.'

James nodded, suddenly not feeling very hungry anymore as he pushed away his plate. He had royally screwed up, he should have never taken a side in the argument between her and Sirius, as accidental as it was. He would make sure that this year was the year of Mione. And if Sirius pulled anymore stunts, he would whack a quaffle at him in the next quidditch game, points be dammed.

Two hours later saw James and Sirius lugging their trunks onto the scarlet express while James' parents looked on with unveiled amusement.

'Sirius the train doesn't leave for an hour! We are literally the only people here,' James groaned as he shoved his trunk into the hold.

'I needed to make sure we got the right carriage Prongs you know that.' The boys both hugged James' parents' goodbye and Sirius assured them they would be alright waiting alone on the train until 11 o'clock.

Flopping into his seat, James looked at Sirius and saw how nervous he looked. 'She will find us Pads, even if we were in the wrong carriage she would.' Because that was the real reason Sirius wanted to arrive early, to make sure they had the same compartment that they had always had; from the day they met the rest of the Marauders.

'What if she hasn't forgiven me?' Sirius looked at James, and he had never seen such raw emotion in his expression before.

'She will Pads, I promise.'

But as the train filled up and the time to leave grew ever closer there was no sign of the beautiful fifth member of their little family. First Remus, then Pete, showed up and before long the train was on the move. Sirius remained silent the entire time, eventually turning his back on the group to stare out of the dewy window.

Thank you so much for reading! Review and let me know what you think. I've already started the next chapter so hopefully it will be up soon!