Small World
Chapter 11
A/n: This chapter was written on my phone? Why? Because I was too lazy to grab my laptop at 2 am. When inspiration sparks one must do what they need to do.
I took it upon myself to change a bit of the origin stories from LGL since my writing at 23 vs 16 has a huge difference lol.
TW: mentions child abuse, miscarriage, and sexual assault.
This is a pretty heavy chapter for several reasons. If you need to skip it I understand completely.
Some say a mother's job is never finished. She's always wiping a nose, nursing a wound, cleaning up messes; Some her children make and others of her own volition. When she leaves one job she comes home to what is called a second shift. She flaunts the role of Mother proudly as she musters up enough energy to cook up a semi-edible dinner or check homework. She wears many hats and wears them well. Mothers are the backbones of their families. Constantly changing, adapting, and melding to meet the needs of those around them. A mother's job is never done. Even at three am when the only things awake were mice and lunatics their job limits were being tested.
In Lima, Ohio on opposite sides of town two mothers were awakened for very different reasons. Matching knocks at their doors echoing in the silence of the night. Secrets spilled from tongues as the night drew on. Tea being started on a stove as one mother sat alert at the head of her kitchen table. The other mother gripping her steering wheel nervously as she drove towards the nearest emergency room.
No one would be going back to bed after this.
When she opened the door, she wished she hadn't. Rachel's eyes adjusted to the light with bated breath for her parents to shift at her presence and yet they didn't. Stepping further into the room she flicked the lights on and waited. Their reactions were instant and the energy in the room shifted.
"Rachel?" Joseph was the first to question. He looked over to her with half-closed eyes. Neither of them could tell what time it was. Shelby's expression one of confusion as she attempted to blink her vision straight.
"Is everything okay?"
Rachel fumbled for an answer. She'd practiced this moment in her head several times before she decided to enter. She paced outside of their door just moments ago hoping to muster up the courage to do what needed to be done. Before then she'd been lying in her bed unable to fall asleep. Her insomnia keeping her awake longer than she liked.
Here she was in front of her parents. There was no turning back.
"I know he's my dad." Rachel blurted. There it was. She couldn't keep it in anymore. By the looks on their faces, they knew what she was referring to. "Leroy is my dad. Or was my dad. Either way, he's biologically my father and I know that's what you guys want to talk about with me tomorrow. I just wanted you to know I knew. It's not a big secret anymore and quite frankly I don't appreciate you guys keeping it a secret. I-I deserve better. From you both, from him, from everyone. You all lied and now you thought you could tell me over breakfast?" Rachel didn't know if they were even comprehending her rant but she needed to do it. She needed them to know what she felt. Lost.
"Rachel," Shelby began. This wasn't how she intended for the conversation to be.
"No, Mom, I'm not a little kid." Rachel continued. "You don't have to hide things from me. Especially not some huge secret like this. I just want the truth. That's all I want. I deserve that. If you can't give that to me I'll find Leroy myself and get it from him." Without so much as a glance at her parents, Rachel stormed out of their room and back into her own. Slamming the door shut, she cringed. Okay, she didn't mean to do that. If Derek or Brooke awakened there would be chaos.
She paced angrily across her room before flopping herself on her bed. There was only a millisecond of a doubt before Shelby and Joseph entered the room.
"Rachel, let us talk to you." Shelby sat next to her. She didn't expect Rachel to pull her hand away so quickly. As if she had been burned.
"Why so you can lie to me again? I don't think so." Rachel snipped. "I think you'd be better off just leaving me alone. Considering that's what you did fifteen years ago. You know I always wished Aunt Megan could be my mom at least I know she wouldn't keep secrets from me."
Rachel felt satisfied only for a second. Seeing the hurt in Shelby's eyes forced her to turn away. It wasn't supposed to feel like this. Shelby decided to let this comment pass but couldn't hide the pain she felt. She recoiled if only for a second. Rachel didn't know where all of this anger was coming from. It had been there for a while maybe. Festering and growing bigger. She'd read more articles before bed and what she'd learned horrified her yet intrigued her at the same time.
"Rachel, if you want to have this conversation we can have it." Joseph began. "I understand you're angry but understand that whatever words you choose to use can hurt. Think for a second if that's how you want this conversation to go."
Rachel nodded and listened. With Joseph being a bit more authoritarian than her mother she knew when not to cross the line. With a sigh, she turned and looked into Shelby's eyes.
"Rachel, I want to tell you everything and all of it," Shelby whispered. Blinking she tried again. "Sixteen years ago, two men put an ad in the paper searching for someone to carry their baby. Back then there were different rules and different things that were in place that made it a bit harder for same-sex couples to have children. I answered the ad and met them quickly. I became a surrogate for two men, Hiram and Leroy Berry. This was the truth. They'd helped me through the entire pregnancy with the assurance that they would be receiving a beautiful baby girl to love and cherish. "
Rachel titled her chin. She'd heard this part before.
"They doted on me and gave me everything I asked for. No one knew about you but us three. Our very own miracle." Shelby wiped away a stray tear as she relieved her painful past. These wounds were still fresh in her mind as though she was twenty-one again. "I had dreams of being on Broadway and the money I was receiving for being a surrogate would allow me to go to NYC. I wanted to prove to my parents that I could do it on my own. Leroy and Hiram set up an apartment for me and I was there until I was six months along. That's when they approached me with a contract. It wasn't one we'd discussed before but it's what they wanted."
Joseph came to stand next to Shelby and allowed her to lean against him in support. She welcomed his warmth and continued.
"The contract stated that upon your birth I was not to contact you until your 18th birthday. I signed it."
"So you just signed me away just like that ?" Rachel interrupted. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You didn't want me ?" Her chin wobbled and her eyes filled with tears at the thought of this family not being hers. Of her mom not being her mom. Her earlier sentiments were only a half-truth said in her haste to hurt Shelby.
"Rachel, no, it wasn't as simple." Shelby wanted to make her understand. "I was young and I thought that truly you would be better off without me. Changing my mind meant that I would be raising you alone and I was terrified. So I signed and that was it. Over the course of those months, I began to have doubts. I began to fall in love with you. The idea of you. Your kicks to my belly reminded me that maybe I could do it. So I broke down one night and told Mary. She tried to get me out of the contract but it was too late. That's when I told the rest of the family. Nana and Granddaddy wanted me to fight for you too. We were going to fight for you."
Rachel didn't know what to make of this story so far. Nothing made sense. She had so many questions and the truth wasn't adding up.
"Hiram was a doctor. Leroy owned a restaurant. They had connections. They weren't going to make it easy for me. I went into labor early. You stopped breathing. It's what I was told. After they wheeled you out of the hospital room I never saw you again. I didn't try. I was so defeated and so hurt. I didn't want to see you. I couldn't bear seeing my baby so lifeless and hurt. I didn't technically have a say in what your care looked like then. Leroy and Hiram wouldn't allow me to see you if I tried. I had no way of knowing if you were okay. I'd assumed you were dead."
Rachel's brow raised. That was interesting.
"I left for New York shortly after and I did off-Broadway. I was diagnosed with cancer and had to come back home after my surgery. I never stopped thinking of you." Shelby admitted. "It wasn't until one night driving home you were literally placed in front of me. Wandering the streets as the tiniest toddler. A huge head of curls, the biggest brown eyes, and a pacifier you wouldn't let go of. Who could leave you I thought? At the police station Hiram and Leroy picked you up and I knew. I knew everything surrounding your birth was a lie. All that time I lost and they were there all along."
"So this time I fought for you. We did a house visit and they'd been neglecting and abusing you. Keeping you in such harsh conditions. I had to take you away. This time I wasn't letting you out of my sight." Shelby said was such conviction. "It's one of those stories you see out of a lifetime movie, not real life. After three years I'd found you again. So scared, so weak, so alone. I can't even put into words how it felt to see you like that, Rachel. My baby." Shelby held in the sob she wanted to let out. Images of a tiny Rachel lying helpless in the cage. Another in the hospital bed that looked lonely with a toddler sleeping peacefully "Every moment after that was dedicated to having you with me. Nursing you back to health. Making sure you didn't flinch anytime I touched you."
There was silence. A long one. Joseph heard the story many times. Shelby sometimes relived nightmares of her own. She'd gotten better at sleeping over the years but knew the trauma wasn't always so easy to ignore. She worked through the years of therapy just as Rachel did yet the emotional scars were always there. The only thing he could do was support them both.
"I keep having these dreams," Rachel admitted quietly. This piqued Shelby's interest. Knitting her brows together, she looked down at her hands. "Sometimes they don't make sense and other times they're as clear as day. As if I had lived them before. I can't sleep after having dreams. I see a face, I feel a hand, breathing above me. I-I ... I can't make sense of them. They're of one of them? Memories?"
She looks to Shelby for confirmation.
Shelby nods. She wanted to ask how long it had been going on but didn't want to startle Rachel away from the conversation.
"Do you remember Dr. Brown, Rachel? She was your therapist. For a while, you were seeing her for..."Shelby tried to swallow the lump in her throat. She didn't want to admit it. The pleading in Rachel's eyes told her she needed to. She wanted nothing more than to keep her daughter safe from the truth. It was more painful than she wanted. "sexual and physical abuse. You were experiencing PTSD and these dreams you are having are likely flashbacks."
"I was three?" Rachel questioned. Shelby nodded in returned. "Was I raped? I'm not a virgin? How could that happen ?" Her questions overlapped and fell from her mouth instantly.
Hearing of this life she only half-remembered made her stomach sink. There were things her mother was saying that didn't seem real. How was this real? How was this her story? Suddenly she felt different. Rachel Corcoran was Rachel Berry again. A battered three-year-old screaming for help. Her life at the hands of two men she'd never known. It shouldn't hurt this much and yet it did.
"No, Rachel, you weren't raped. We had you checked out and everything was fine superficially. I-"
"I don't think I want to hear any more about that than if you don't mind." Her stomach was in knots. Hearing about her early childhood made her want to be sick. "Mom, these flashbacks. Sometimes I don't fall asleep because they're so vivid. It feels as If I'm living someone else's life sometimes. Like I'm the real one in the dreams and I'm just playing pretend. It's scary."
"Rachel, baby, I wish you'd told me sooner about this. I should have come to you sooner. I thought I was protecting you." Shelby tried again to rest a hand on Rachel's knee. "I'm so sorry that I kept this from you."
"But those things they did," Rachel frowned. She was feeling so many things yet nothing at all. "My dad hurt me in that way? He did those things? Leroy is in jail. He's getting out? Does he want to see me? "
"Yes, Rachel," Joseph answered this time. "He will be out on parole soon. Your mother and I attended his court hearing to contest it. Him seeing you is off the table."
"Oh," She replied. Her head was killing her. How was she supposed to feel? What was she supposed to say? She was mortified and terrified. Those things that had been done to her. None of it felt real. Distant memories fogged her brain but it was clear they weren't lying. Without her realizing the words slipped from her lips. Barely above a whisper Shelby and Joseph almost missed it. "And if I want to see him? I'm allowed to do that." Her curiosity of seeing where she came from interested her more.
Shelby didn't like the idea of that. Leroy getting closer to Rachel. Him knowing what she looked like now. It wouldn't be an idea she would suggest in a million years.
Despite these dreams, Rachel was having she couldn't make them out. She wanted to know more. Needed to know more. Her heart felt low as she thought more about the conversation they were having. Her life would never be the same. Now she was some damaged kid with a dad in jail she knew nothing about. Try putting that on college applications.
"Mommy," Rachel's voice cracked slightly. Tears threatening to fall down her cheeks. Shelby reached out to her. "I don't know. I don't know." She repeated over and over again. "I don't want him to be my dad. I already have one. A great one."
Rachel looked over to Joseph. Instantly he knew what she needed. He prided himself on knowing his girl. He doubted himself sometimes when she was younger. Was he giving her what she needed as a father? Was he helping her recovery as much as he thought? Did she regret him being her dad?
Joseph in one movement sat closer to Shelby and pulled Rachel into his lap. She didn't hesitate to bury her face into his shirt. Sobs racked her body and through it all, she could feel her mother's hand on her back. They were her parents. They were her support system. The first people besides Santana and Quinn that she went to for advice. They knew how she liked her toast. What her morning routine was. Her favorite foods. Her likes and dislikes. Not Leroy. Yet she found herself compelled to know him. Where he came from. Did she have siblings? Was her dad an only child? No, he wasn't her dad. He was just Leroy.
Shelby and Joseph made eye contact over her head. Rachel's desperate attempt to grasp at reality failed as she grabbed a fist full of his shirt. She didn't know what to do. As her sobs subsided they sat in silence. Shelby was the first to break.
"Rachel, baby, we need you to tell us how you want to move forward," Pausing she reassessed how she wanted to phrase what she was going to say. "Meeting him can be very triggering for you."
"Will you be mad?" Rachel questioned. Her voice was tiny. Afraid. They'd never heard her so small. "If I want to see him ?"
"No, we won't."Joseph found words when Shelby couldn't. "We will support you with whatever decision you make. You're our biggest priority and though we make decisions together in your best interest we want your input."
"You don't want me to see him," Rachel concluded. Her eyes raised to look into his eyes. She trusted him. Trusted them.
"Rachel, in all honesty, we don't." Shelby never stopped rubbing her back. It was a soothing feeling and Rachel quite liked it. "It has always been my understanding that Leroy is not to be around or even out of jail until you were a bit older. He's not someone I particularly feel comfortable with you getting to know. With that being said you have a choice to make. A decision we will support you on as your dad said. It won't be easy and it certainly won't be happening any time soon. If at all. I don't think it is a good idea."
Rachel nodded. She understood that.
"I don't want to see him." She spoke firmly. "I think that right now I'm not ready. A lot is going on and I don't need him. I don't want to."
"Okay," Shelby nodded. She didn't want to let out a sigh of relief at Rachel's decision. She knew neither of them wanted to pull authority over her. Though they would if they had to. This was a sensitive subject that wasn't simply black and white when a fourteen-year-old's heart and mental health were involved. "Rachel, I think that it would be best to have you see a therapist. The dreams you're having. They can become too much for you. We have to relearn your triggers. I'd like for you to have someone other than Daddy and me to talk to. I'd like to be proactive in your care. We could set up an appointment and go together."
"Will it be like this forever? The dreams? I mean flashbacks?" Rachel tensed. She couldn't say she felt relieved at confessing this to her parents.
"No, honey it won't." Shelby encouraged. "It won't be easy in the slightest. Daddy and I will be there to work with you. I know Aunt Megan is your go-to at times too. If you need her and Aunt Mary will gladly take you to appointments or talk to you."
"They know everything?" Rachel questioned.
"Yes, they do. When you came home with me in the beginning, Aunt Megan was one of the first people you warmed up to." Shelby remembered vividly the way Rachel idolized her "Aunt Maggie". Rachel would follow her around everywhere. Even as a teenager she held an admiration for her that no one could hold a candle to.
"Okay, can I choose the therapist ?" Rachel's interest was now piqued. "I don't want someone who's old and doesn't understand me or my problems. Also, they have to know who Barbra is."
"Of course," Joseph answered.
Rachel nodded again. "Mom, I'm sorry." She turned to Shelby. "I didn't mean it when I said I wished-"
"Rachel, it's fine." Shelby raised a hand. "I understand and I care that you're okay. That's all."
"Can I try to sleep now? It's pretty late and I still want to attend dance class later today."
"Yes, we will leave you to it."
Rachel was reluctant to leave from the warmth of her dad's embrace. Her confusion leaving her even more unsettled. She climbed under the covers and resisted the urge to bring them to her chin. Was this what she wanted? To be left alone?
As if she sensed her hesitation Shelby turned back to Rachel.
"How about I make you some tea? Give you a minute alone?"
Rachel was thankful for the suggestion. As angry as she was with Shelby she wanted to be near her. "Yes please."
Shelby left the door open slightly and made her way to the kitchen. There she met Joseph who was already one step ahead of her. With a sigh, she sat at the head of the kitchen table. There was no way they'd be going to sleep now.
"That was tough." He spoke first. As he prepared the kettle on their stove he looked over to Shelby. They'd been married for ten years now. He could tell simply by her body language that she was ready to break. Knowing that Rachel came first it would only be during their alone time locked away in their bedroom that she'd finally let go.
"Joe, I feel so…" Shelby fiddled with her hands. What could she say? Mary warned her before that things could blow up. Admittedly it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be and still it was terrible. Rachel never hesitated to share her feelings with them. She didn't bottle her emotions. Shelby felt a heavy weight upon her shoulders with the knowledge that Rachel hadn't been sleeping. She'd been keeping her dreams to herself.
As a mother how couldn't she have noticed? Suddenly it all made sense for her. Rachel's moodiness, being late to breakfast, not wanting to attend school. Those signs were right in her face and she hadn't noticed.
She needed a focal point. Something to ground her before she broke. Her eyes rapidly scanned the kitchen for anything that would help keep her sane. Joseph working quietly around her became background noise.
Finally, she found something on the fridge door that held her attention. She stared it down. It was a Polaroid picture. One taken just this summer. Rachel, Quinn, Santana, Mercedes, and Brittany all piled on top of each other making a pyramid. She remembered that day vividly. It was rare to have all of the girls in her home at once. They were in different friend groups and had different summer routines. Mercedes came over toting her new Fujifilm Polaroid Camera and wouldn't put it down for a second.
The girls talked for hours as Shelby entertained the younger kids. She'd come onto the patio to ask them if they needed refreshments to find them all comparing their tongue colors after having eaten Airhead candies. Someone suggested they take a picture and Shelby was given the role of photographer.
They struggled to find a pose as Shelby rolled her eyes and waited. It was Quinn to take on her role as a cheer captain instructing her friends to form a pyramid. With minimal injury and lots of trouble, the girls posed for her with their tongues out as Shelby snapped pictures of them.
It was finally Santana that buckled which sent them all tumbling down. She could swear she heard Santana mumble curse words in Spanish before they all burst into laughter.
It was the first time in a while Shelby realized how young they were. They were all moving so fast. Growing so quickly. She'd known each of them when they were mere toddlers running around her living room with Barbies and crayons. Shelby remembered standing and cheering with Maribel Lopez, Whitney Pierce, and Portia Jones as the girls performed in their fourth-grade school play.
They'd been friends for so long they'd become family.
Where one girl was one another was bound to follow.
Sometimes when Rachel was younger it scared her. She would lay up at night and wonder if Rachel would live a normal life free of her trauma. If Rachel's childhood would be riddled with memories that she couldn't explain. It hadn't. Not until now. Rachel had friends, good grades, did well with her siblings.
Their daughter was a great girl. Truly. Shelby couldn't stop herself from thinking she was a failure. That somehow she was failing her children.
"You're thinking too much," Joseph set down two mugs in front of her. "I know whatever is going on you're blaming yourself and I say don't. We can deal with whatever consequences come from not telling her. We can deal with fighting Leroy from seeing her. We will deal with therapy and all of it. We don't always make the right decisions but we get second chances to make things right. Right now she's confused up there and probably wondering what's taking you so long."
"You're right," Shelby said. " I just don't know if it's me she wants."
"She always wants you. You're her mom." Joseph reminded her.
"You're her dad."
"I've never doubted that for a second." Joseph sipped from his mug. He reached across the table to take Shelby's hand into his. "She's angry yes. Probably disappointed too. Most of all she's confused and hurt. I think in the next coming days we will be discussing a lot more with her. We have to be open and prepared. Together. But right now she wants you, I can see it in her face. I may be her dad but she is a momma's girl."
"What would I do without you ?" Shelby nursed her own mug before taking a much-needed sip.
"Probably go date, Brad Pitt." He shrugged in an attempt to lighten the mood.
"Eh, he's not my type anymore."
"Oh anymore?" Joseph questioned with a raised brow.
They shared a laugh before succumbing to silence once again.
"I should probably head up there," Shelby released his hand. "Don't wait up for me."
"Kiss her for me." He replied. Shelby reached for Rachel's favorite mug and poured the boiling water into it. She quickly fixed the tea and hurried up the stairs.
Balancing her mug in one hand and the other against her arm she knocked lightly against Rachel's bedroom door before pushing it open. Rachel turned over to acknowledge her presence.
Pushing herself against the headboard she watched Shelby place the mug onto her nightstand.
"Thank you," She mumbled to Shelby.
Shelby sat on the bed close to Rachel's thighs and waited expectantly for her to drink the tea. Rachel may have taken longer than she should to finish her first taste, but she wanted to avoid any more conversation.
"How long?" Shelby questioned her. "How long have the dreams been going on?"
"A few weeks." Rachel considered lying. She figured there was no sense in it now.
"Why didn't you come to me? Did I make you feel as if you couldn't ?" Shelby placed a hand against her thigh. Rachel lowered her eyes to look.
"No, I just didn't think it was that big of a deal." She shrugged. "I mean I'm older so I can handle my own problems. I didn't want to bother you guys."
"Okay, Rachel, a few things." Shelby raised a finger. "One, you're never bothering me or Daddy when you come to us. We take care of you. There's nothing you have to hide from us that will make us feel any differently about you. There is nothing that will make us stop loving you. I don't care when or what time it is. You pull me aside and I will drop everything. Do you hear me ?"
Rachel nodded and Shelby wasn't satisfied.
"Rachel, I need a verbal answer. I know what you're going through may be scary for you. I should have noticed but I miss things. I want to be there for you." Shelby squeezed her leg for emphasis. "Another thing your age does not suddenly make you exempt from how you feel or how you handle things. You do not have to handle things on your own. You're fourteen. I do want to make it clear that you fighting with Brooke is not the way to go. I know you're hurting but that has to stop. When you feel like you can't take it or you can't handle something you come to me. I am here for you."
"Yes, I hear you," Rachel spoke softly. "I just don't know how to make it stop hurting. I'm so confused all the time. Most people don't remember their childhoods and when they do it's always happy memories. Instead, I get stuck with sad ones. Disgusting ones. They play over and over in my head and sometimes I don't know how to make it stop. I thought I was fine and then sometimes I'm not. Then Quinn and the…" There she goes again. Saying too much.
"Quinn what ?" Shelby pressed further.
"Nothing, it doesn't matter." Rachel shifted. "Mom, I promise I haven't been keeping it to myself. I talk to Jesse when it gets really bad. I just don't know how to say it to you."
"I appreciate that you have Jesse." Shelby agreed. "I think his friendship has been good for you from what I've seen. I do want you to know that with information like this. When your mental health is rocky you need to talk to an adult. As I mentioned earlier it doesn't have to be me but it has to be someone. You're losing sleep, Rachel, that can be dangerous."
"I know, I know." Rachel nodded. Shelby didn't want to turn this into a lecture. That could have the opposite effect of what she wanted. She waited for Rachel to steer the conversation into the direction she wanted. "Can we sleep now for real? Can you maybe sleep here?"
"I'd love to." Shelby didn't hesitate to lay next to Rachel. Her back barely hit the bed before Rachel was cuddled into her. Smoothing her hair out and landing a kiss on the top of her head, Shelby leaned over to pull the string on Rachel's lamp. The darkness swallowing them whole and gave Rachel new confidence.
"Mom, I love you and I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"Shh, Rachel I love you too. You don't have to be sorry." She rubbed Rachel's back and arm. Rachel finding comfort in having her head pressed into her mother's chest. She wanted to let Shelby's heartbeat lull her to sleep.
"Is it okay to be sad?" She asked suddenly. Shelby stopped her movements to listen attentively."I know he's a bad person and I know everything about him now. I still feel sad though. Like there's a piece missing and it's one that I can't fill all the way and it makes me sad."
"Rachel, you're allowed to be sad. You're allowed to feel how you feel."
"Okay," Those were the last words she spoke that night as she let tears fall onto Shelby's t-shirt. There was so much crying going on tonight but she couldn't help it. Soon enough she'd cried herself to sleep with Shelby's hand on her back.
Her mother supporting her through it all. As she should.
Across town, Judy Fabray was sleeping peacefully in her bed. Quinn not so much. She'd clutched her stomach in pain for the second time that night. Earlier it had been a slight discomfort and a dull ache. Now it was sharp and quick. Something she'd never felt before.
She was afraid and alone and knew she didn't want to stay that way. Clutching her stomach again she rose from her bed. She knew what this was. Too afraid to look down at her pants she ran quickly to the bathroom from her bedroom. In trepidation of the inevitable, she flicked on the lights and looked down with the bated breath.
She was fine. A wave of relief rushed over her before the pain hit her again.
"Oh," she gasped. There was no way she could drive herself to the hospital. This was unbearable and she needed help. She considered calling Noah but decided against it. He was too far. He slept like a brick and probably wouldn't answer.
She had to tell someone. Ambling through the hallway to her mother's room she knocked. A part of her hoping Judy didn't hear her. Rationally she knew that wouldn't benefit her or her baby. So she knocked again and pushed the door open. Flicking on the lights she called out to Judy.
"Mom, help." She sniffled. Judy shot up with a hand to her chest.
"Quinnie? What are you doing there?"
"Mom, please," Quinn spoke through her tears. "I need to go to the hospital."
"Is someone hurt? Is everything okay?" Judy pushed back the covers and came to stand in front of Quinn. She could see the tear stains on Quinn's cheeks. She was crying.
"No, everything is not okay. I think that...I think that I'm losing my baby." Quinn confessed. No more secrets. She couldn't keep it in anymore. Their eye contact didn't waver until Judy's eyes wandered down to her belly. Only slightly rounded anyone would guess that Quinn had put on a few pounds, not a pregnancy.
"Quinn, you're pregnant?" Judy was at a loss for words. How could this be? Quinn didn't answer but didn't deny it. Judy could see the way she grits her teeth and held in her cry of pain. There was no time for questions. "Are you able to go and grab your shoes and a jacket?" Quinn nodded and turned to go get them. She was thankful that Judy was quick on her feet. She was halfway to her room before she doubled over in pain. This time her cries couldn't be stifled as she grasped for the wall near her.
Judy was there to catch her as she moved her back into her room.
"Okay, I will go and get the shoes. You just sit." Judy didn't want to leave her alone in fear of what would happen. Lima General wasn't too far and they could get there quickly. She rushed to Quinn's room and grabbed the first pair of shoes she could find. Her training shoes for cheer. She grabbed Quinn's Cheerio jacket lying next to it and beelined back to her room.
One by one she helped Quinn with her shoes and jacket.
Not worrying that she was in pajamas, Judy slipped into her own shoes. Carefully they walked down the stairs and she helped Quinn into the front seat. Quinn cried softly with her head against the window as Judy hurriedly walked to the other side of the car. She couldn't remember if she'd locked the front door or not but it didn't matter.
With as much gentleness as she could, she backed out of their driveway and drove out into the night. Her eyes snapped between Quinn and the road constantly.
Quinn swiped at her face to clear the tears. She couldn't be losing her baby. She wasn't that far along. Only approaching her tenth week of pregnancy. She didn't get the chance to choose if she'd wanted them or not. Now it seemed that choice was being taken from her.
Judy opened her mouth to speak but instead turned back to the road. Her hands gripped the wheel tightly as she waited for the light to turn green. One more light and they'd be at the hospital.
Rushing to the emergency room entrance, Judy parked the car and handed the keys to the valet. She turned to open the passenger door to see Quinn had become paler.
"Easy, baby, we're almost there." Judy wrapped an arm around Quinn's back to keep her upright. Together they walked slowly into the emergency room and to a guard. The man immediately let them through and stood to help carry some of Quinn's weight. Quinn was seated in a chair and Judy thanked the guard for helping them. She walked over to the intake desk and tapped quickly to get her attention. "Hello, I think that my daughter is having a miscarriage. She's in a lot of pain."
"Yes, ma'am. Can I ask her name and how old she is?" The receptionist looked over at her with a calmness that neither of them had.
"Her name is Quinn Fabray and she's sixteen," Judy answered. The words didn't truly register in her head. She didn't have time to judge or react to their situation now. Pulling out her insurance card she slid it to the woman. "I can fill out any papers you need but she's in a lot of pain."
The receptionist took the card and typed a few things into the computer. "No need. We're a bit slow but everything is going smoothly. A doctor should be right out to see you."
Judy took the card back and slipped it into her wallet. She came to sit next to Quinn and helped her into a more comfortable position.
"Mom," Quinn moaned in pain. She rested her head against Judy's shoulder. The gentle kiss that was placed on her head was another cause for tears. The emergency room was fairly empty at this hour and she didn't care who saw her. Her mom should be angry at her and yet she wasn't. Judy whispered words of encouragement as she moaned and rubbed her belly. There was no way to stop it she knew. For what felt like hours but in truth was only five minutes they sat there.
Only when Judy tapped her did she see that an orderly with a bed was prepared to take her to the doctor.
"Hello, I'm just going to take you back into an examination room where the doctor can see you." He helped her into the bed where she lay back.
"Can my mom come?" Quinn bit out. She didn't want to do it alone.
"Of course," The orderly, Jake, by his name tag replied.
They were lead through a series of hallways and turns until they reached an empty room. Judy remembered how much Quinn didn't like hospitals. Reaching out her hand, she grasped Quinn's shaky one. Quinn was transported into another bed where Judy pulled up a chair to sit by her side.
"The doctor will be right in with you. He's across the hall finishing up with someone else." Jake gave her a look of sympathy before exiting the room.
"Mom, I-"
"Quinn, don't talk right now. You're in too much pain." Judy brushed a few strands of blonde hair away from Quinn's forehead. She was sweating profusely and she could feel her trembling under her touch.
"Am I going to lose my baby?" She mumbled.
That was a tough question that Judy herself couldn't answer. She could only comfort Quinn as they waited for the doctor to come in. Instead of a male, there was a woman who entered the room in her white coat. There was a much younger male following her in scrubs. He nodded towards the two women and sat next to the computer in the room.
"Hello, I'm Doctor Greene," She was a small woman with brown hair and the kindest brown eyes. She looked over to Quinn and then Judy. "I understand you're in a lot of pain. You must be Quinn." The doctor made quick work of washing her hands and introducing herself.
"Yeah," Quinn responded.
Reading Quinn's chart, she stepped a bit closer to the bed and read as much as she could about the situation. Sixteen years old. Generally healthy. No underlying conditions. Pregnant.
"From what I see you think you're having a miscarriage is that correct?" Dr. Greene stood a bit closer now.
"Yes, she's been clutching her stomach and experiencing sharp pains," Judy answered for her.
"How far along are you Quinn? Do you know?" Dr. Greene waited for an answer. Judy hated to admit that she didn't know. How couldn't she have known? Her baby was carrying a baby and now she may be losing it.
"Almost ten weeks," Quinn confessed. She avoided Judy's questioning eyes. She couldn't handle any scolding right now.
"Okay, what we are going to do is set up an ultrasound to see what's going on. I know you're in a lot of pain so I'm going to give you a bit of Tylenol to help." Dr. Greene looked over to her assistant who had been diligently typing until this second. He rose in search of the ultrasound machine. "We're also going to run a few tests to make sure that a miscarriage is happening. Just to be sure. I want you to answer a few questions for me, Quinn, while we do this. Is that okay with you?"
Quinn nodded. She could do that. She answered every question Dr. Greene wanted to know. Her diet, her exercise, if she'd been getting the proper care for her pregnancy. If she'd been taking prenatal vitamins. To which her answer was no. Soon the assistant was back with the monitor and plugged it up quickly.
"Okay, this may hurt just a little bit. It also may be cold. We are looking for the fetus and a heartbeat." Dr. Greene was gentle and clear with her instructions. She watched as Judy helped to lift Quinn's t-shirt over her chest. There was a deafening silence beside Quinn's sniffles as the wand was pressed against her belly. She winced in pain but remained quiet as they waited for something to indicate things were alright.
Judy rubbed her thumb soothingly across Quinn's hands. She rolled her eyes away from the screen to blink back tears. Quinn shouldn't be going through this. She should be at home and in bed sleeping. She should be hanging out with her friends and preparing for finals.
She held her breath for seconds and looked down at the wand in Dr. Greene's hands. Suddenly, it was faint but it was there. A heartbeat. Dr. Greene looked carefully at the screen and pointed to something on the monitor. She instructed her assistant to write it down.
Quinn reveled in hearing that heartbeat. If her baby was there and okay why did she feel so much pain?
"Okay Quinn, there's the fetus in question. They look to be growing normally." Dr. Greene pointed at the screen. There wasn't much to make out but there was certainly something there. "I have to tell you that there is another sac in there. Do you see the smaller spec just near Baby A. Which would indicate twins?"
"So, they're okay?" Quinn asked in trepidation.
"I'm sorry but it appears that Baby B didn't survive." Dr. Greene offered her condolences. "It's what is called Vanishing Twin Syndrome in the medical community. This is what is contributing to what feels like a miscarriage for you right now. It essentially is when the fetus disappears in the uterus and is absorbed by the other twin. There's no bleeding due to the cervix needing to stay closed for the other twin. If there had been a previous ultrasound to reference there may have been another heartbeat that we would hear before today."
Quinn couldn't tell if she was hearing things right. She was pregnant with twins. One was gone. One remained. What was she to make of this?
"Did I hurt my baby? By still cheering?" She asked. "If I had stopped would it still be okay?"
"Quinn, exercise during pregnancy is good for you. I can't say cheering is recommended. I will say that this situation is not your fault. Miscarriages can happen for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes for no reason." Dr. Greene informed her. "I will run more tests and I will come back in with a definitive answer soon. We will get you some pain medicine and check on you ever so often. Your pain should subside soon. Do not blame yourself, Quinn."
Quinn nodded and looked over to the screen again. "Can I have that picture?"
"Of course, we will print some out for you." Dr. Greene took off her gloves and threw them into the trash. "Rest for now."
Soon they were left alone once again. Quinn couldn't bring herself to look at Judy but curiosity got the best of her.
"You haven't said anything." Quinn lifted herself straighter with a wince. Judy aided her in wiping her belly free of the gel and covered her. "You should be mad or yelling or something. Not silent. You can admit you're disappointed. I know once everyone finds out I'm going to be the talk of the town anyway. Dad will disown me."
"Quinn, your Dad is none of our concern," Judy took a deep breath. "I'm absorbing all of this information. I'm not going to yell at you or hate you or anything you thought I would do. You're in pain. I am here right now as your mother. I only wish you had come to me sooner."
"What was I supposed to say?" Quinn let the tears fall this time. "How was I supposed to say it? You and Daddy preached about waiting until marriage so much. At church, they preached about it all the time. You would talk about the girls who were promiscuous whenever you got the chance at those luncheons. When you caught Noah and me, you were so angry. How could I come to you? I know for a fact you wouldn't be happy. I'm not perfect like Frannie and I can't be. I'm tired of pretending that I am."
"Quinnie," Judy sighed. Were they really up for this conversation now? She stopped as the nurse entered to hook Quinn up to an IV. She watched with careful eyes as the needle was inserted into Quinn's hand. She drew blood and carried on. She only began to speak when they were alone. "I don't want you to be Frannie. I want you to be Quinn. My Quinn. A person all on her own. I want you to make your own mistakes. I am apologizing right now for making you feel like you couldn't come to me. I haven't been the most open about sex with you and I should have been. I wanted you to come to me when you were ready. I didn't appreciate Noah Puckerman in my home while I wasn't there. I did not appreciate you lying to me. I am making it clear right now that I am not angry with you."
"And the babies?" Quinn wondered. She hadn't mentioned that.
"I don't know if we should delve into this topic right now. Maybe when we're home and you've rested a bit." Judy suggested. She fidgeted in her seat uncomfortably. Her faith was something she did not stray away from. She couldn't truthfully tell Quinn her feelings and not push her daughter away. If she knew what her real feelings were.
"No, I want to know." Quinn pushed.
"Quinn," Judy warned. Pinching the bridge of her nose she sat back into her chair.
"No, Mom, I want to know." Quinn brushed the tears away from her eyes angrily. "I may be in a lot of pain but I'm not stupid and my memory isn't gone."
"Quinn, we will have this conversation at home," Judy said firmly. Neither of their emotions could be kept in check and she needed time to think. Quinn needed to rest and not work herself up. "I promise you we will talk about it. We will talk as much as you want. As much as you're pushing I don't think this is the conversation you want to have right now. So please, baby, sit back and let yourself rest. You don't have to carry this on your own anymore."
"You promise?" Quinn softened. "You're not going to leave?"
"I'm not going to leave," Judy assured her. "I am going to sit with you and wait with you. I am going to help you from this point forward. Only if you let me."
Quinn nodded satisfied. Whatever was in this IV made her feel sleepy. Resting further into the bed, she closed her eyes. She couldn't sleep but at least she could rest. She couldn't believe how her life was turning out.
Judy sat uncomfortably and waited for Quinn to fall asleep. They would get through it together.
On opposite sides of town, two mothers were questioning themselves. Questioning how their children had been keeping secrets from them for so long. One questioning how she could keep a secret from her own child for even longer. Both mothers never falling asleep again as their worries kept them up. A mother's work was never done. These mothers had some work to do.
A/n: So, there we have it. It's hard for both of our girls and their moms.
I was wondering if you guys liked the focus on side characters and not just the Corcoran/Finley family. Most tv shows don't always focus solely on the main characters and I tend to take that approach.
How do we think Shelby and Rachel will continue to work through their trauma?
Is Judy going to be okay with the baby? How do you think Quinn's dad will react?
I'd love to hear your feelings on this chapter.
-LSAM