Trigger warnings: Self-Harm
The next day came and Carla was eager to see Peter, she wanted to see him and speak to him about he felt especially after everything she said the day before. She was up at the crack of dawn harassing the nurses to get Dr William's to phone him in an attempt to get him here as soon as possible which he did as soon as he got in. She was anxious not really knowing how he was going to take it, let alone herself, she felt as if she betrayed him but deep down in her heart she knew she had no control over what happened, it was in the past now and it was time to move on and get better. Peter came, of course, he did and Carla was ever so grateful that as soon as he walked through the room she hugged him tightly and he hugged her, both of them rooted the ground unable to move.
"Why did you want to see me eh?" Peter cups her cheek "Is this about yesterday, I'm sorry for walking out on you, it was so hard to hear you go through that..."
"I don't remember much, I just remember snippets and then I pieced it all together" she whispers glancing down and biting her lip "I am sorry"
"It's fine sweetheart" Peter reassures her, she just sighs and smiles "Are you feeling better today?"
"Much, it helps getting everything off my chest" she smiles, Peter bites his lip and nods "I was wondering if you would like to come into the garden with me, we can try again"
"Yeah if that's what you want?" Peter smiles, Carla nods
"I also want to try and...basically I want you to come and see me tomorrow and not wear black-"
"Sweetheart, you don't need to push yourself, you're making tremendous progress"
"I want to try, please, I'm not going to get better if I revert in my old ways" Carla mumbles glancing down to the floor, Peter smiles tilting her head up he pecks her on the lips "For me?"
"Of course, let's give it a go, you have the support of so many people don't you. I think you'll be fine sweetheart, I believe in you"
"Thank you" Carla whispers picking up her cardigan and putting it on, she takes Peter's hand and the nurse leads them out into the garden "Come on" she grins dragging him off into the distance they get to a great big oak tree and Carla shoves Peter up against it and kisses him passionately before hugging him
"Wow" Peter breathes out surprised at her energy as well as her mood "You are having a good day arent you?"
"I am" she beams dragging him over to one of the benches, she sits herself down on his lap "I can be happy, I know it doesn't seem like it most of the time-"
"Hey, I'm not complaining" Peter chuckles slightly kissing her on the forehead "It's good to see you, happy sweetheart"
"Ha yeah, I feel good, really good-" she lowers her voice putting on a seductive tone "So good that I would love you in my bed but we both know that's not allowed right now"
"Soon baby" Peter whispers, she grins and nods "So have you been taking all your meds then?"
"Yep!" she grins, Peter nods slowly "And I've been doing therapy as well, it's been really good I think I understand my triggers more now and it's about helping me when they arise as well as eliminating them, it's going good"
"Well I'm glad" Peter smiles, Carla bites her lip rolling her sleeves up, he gently runs his fingers over the scars which were there "These don't define you, baby, they show how much progress you've made, you know that right"
"There are some fresh ones from a couple of days ago but I haven't had any urges today" Carla responds glancing down to her arms "I was always judged because of them you know, back in the day, everyone would see them in my arms and...they would turn their noses up at me, well they did that anyway but the one person who stood by my side was Michelle, she was amazing..."
23rd January 1990
The days always seemed so much longer, the nights seemed like an eternity but that was life I suppose. I was meeting Michelle today, another day of bunking off school but right now I couldn't really care. My mum was out and George was out as well so that left an empty house, apart from Rob who would probably end up going out anyway. I heard the thrashing around in the kitchen I decided to stay upstairs as I did not want to get wrapped up in the wrath of George or my Mum until I knew it was safe to resurface usually around eleven when the pubs were open. The door went and I ran to answer it, Michelle was there with her hair scraped back into a ponytail, I usher her in and we run upstairs into my bedroom which was about as creative as a box room and we sit on the mattress which was on the floor, I had no bed frame you see.
"Here" Michelle grins grabbing a packet of crisps out her bag "I doubt you've eaten"
"Nope, nothing in as usual" I chuckle trying not to wince as my hand enters the packet but it does, my sleeves shifting up slightly causing Michelle to grab my arm and roll them up
"Babe..." Michelle trails off, I sigh trying to keep my emotions intact but Michelle scoops me up into a hug "Why now eh?"
"George being the bully he is, living in this scummy place and mam being the drunken waste of skin she is" I mumble as we fall against the mattress, Michelle still holding me close "I know I said I wouldn't do it again-"
"But things got too much" Michelle whispers, I nod timidly "It's ok, how about we go to mine, my mum and dad our out so I can clean these up for you yeah?"
"I couldn't ask you to do that, I'd probably only go and do it again" I whisper, Michelle, sighs slightly standing up and walking into the bathroom picking up some tissue paper and dampening it with water before returning and dabbing the cuts which were littering my arm "Thank you, please don't tell anyone-"
"I won't" Michelle reassures me, I nod slowly "Don't worry, I'll always be here for you, you know that right?"
"I know you will" I whisper looking into her eyes and snacking on the rest of the crisps watching as she cleans my arms up, only if life was easier so I could feel better about things
"From that point, I knew that Michelle would always look after me, yeah she hated me going out with Paul and all that but...oh I don't know it was just so weird, everything was so tainted back then"
"Did you ever get put into care?" Peter queries kind of shocked at the whole situation revolving around Carla and her childhood
"On the odd occasions, Mum would go to rehab, she was threatened with it because otherwise me and Rob would be taken away but when she was in rehab we were put into foster care if George wasn't up to it which was the majority of the time anyway" Carla shrugs, Peter nods slowly "I didn't want to go into care, I know you're probably thinking I'm deranged saying that but if I was put into care then I would have been moved school, I would have lost all my friends, the Connor's, they were my support network. Paul, Liam and 'Chelle, I couldn't have done my life without them"
"I understand" Peter smiles, Carla nods watching him kiss her arm "So what do you want to do now because it looks like it's about to rain"
"Ah" Carla chuckles glancing up to the sky and grinning "Inside I think, maybe we could play a game of cards or something"
"Yeah I'd be up for that" Peter grins, Carla beams picking up his hand and dragging him back into the unit and into her room, the nurse following close behind "Grab your cards then"
"Ok" she grins sliding them out of the box and shuffling them, Peter narrows his eyes suspiciously
"You best not cheat" Peter points at her, she smirks shaking her head, she bites her lip rather cutely "I love you, you know that right?"
"Of course" she replies dealing all the cards out "Now you go first as you're the oldest"
"Oh thanks" Peter scoffs smirking, he was just happy to see her in such high spirits...
They played a few games of cards until Carla got tired and needed to take some more of her medication which Peter couldn't be present for anyway so he decided he would go home and spend some time with Azalea. He was hoping that then ext step of the process would be introducing Azalea to Carla again as she was one of her major triggers and none of them actually spoke about what happened when Azalea was born and how traumatic it was for Carla and why Azalea was a trigger for her, he had an inkling but right now he didn't want to assume in case he was wrong all he wanted to do was make sure Carla was happy within herself and right now she was feeling good and in a way, he didn't want to ruin that for her as she was just a different person to who he had been around the last few months.
"Oh I know baby" Peter whispers as Azalea continues to cry "I've changed you and fed you, what's going on then sweetheart?"
"Hey" Michelle mumbles stepping into the house and hanging her jacket up "What's with all the crying?"
"I don't know she's very unhappy, I've changed her, fed her and she's not hot, I think she's just being fussy" Peter mumbles into Azalea's forehead as she continues to cry, Michelle gestures for him to hand her over
"What's going on sweetheart" Michelle whispers holding Azalea close to her chest "Oh I know you're unhappy, I know"
"Do you want a brew?" Peter questions, Michelle nods rocking Azalea and bouncing her up and down for a bit before she settles "There we go poppet, you don't need to cry do you"
"She's ok" Michelle whispers watching Peter place a mug of tea down on the coffee table "How was Carla?"
"Very happy surprisingly, she told me a bit about her childhood and your relationship with her as well as her self-harm when she was young-"
"She told you that?" Michelle questions, Peter nods slowly "Wow she's really doing well then, we never spoke about it at all unless she did it and needed my help with cleaning it up but...wow I'm surprised"
"Seriously, it was like having the old Carla back again" Peter muses, Michelle nods "She wants me to visit her again soon, I want to give her a few days to settle first and she even wants me to go in something other than black, I think she's going to speak to Dr Williams about it"
"Wow, ok" Michele nods proudly, "I think she's getting better Peter, really this is amazing"
"I know it was, we went into the gardens there and she didn't freak out or anything or have any auditory or visual hallucinations so I think things are looking up, we shouldn't get too hopeful though, she could revert back into that deep depression she experiences"
"We have to be hopeful though" Michelle smiles adjusting a slumbering Azalea in her arms "Hopefully she'll be able to meet this little one soon eh?"
"Yeah I can't wait for that, it'll be interesting to see what her reaction will be, I just hope it will be positive for her then hopefully things will move forward rather quickly with her recovery once she realises that Azalea is not the enemy"
"She'll be fine, from today I think what you've said proves that"
"I hope so, I really do"