Chapter 11
Edward's POV…
After saying those words, I never got an answer about what we were supposed to do or where we were supposed to go from here. We both remained decidedly quiet even as I was highly aware that she was there. With me, in my bed, naked, and we had just had sex. Not just sex though, passionate sex, the kind of sex we once had when we were teenagers, and before that she had admitted that she still loved me just as I loved her. It was the kind of explosive thing that could shatter the very life I had been living, but I found I didn't care about that as I laid there. I remember laying there with her hair tickling my nose as her head rested on my chest. We didn't say anything as we left the bed or as we dressed again. The reasons didn't matter until I looked at her and everything that had just happened came back to me. Suddenly, I was no longer tying my shoes, but watching her exclusively.
"What do we do now, Rosie?" I broached the question again as my eyes were watching her dress the way she pulled her skirt then her shirt then her heels all to cover her making me want to remove them again. None of what had just happened was a figment, but something real. It thrilled me, so much so that as she walked past, I grabbed her waist laying her across the bed again. She was giggling in response when I kissed her.
"Eddie, we don't have time to do it all over again" whispered Rosie in between kisses, but for some reason it caused me to kiss her all the more passionately my hands finding the round softness that was the skin of her wrists as I took them in hand to hold them above her head on the bed, but Rosie easily slipped free to wrap her arms around my neck.
"We can do it again though. I want to be as we were once upon a time, Rosie, and I want you. You said you had always been my girl, now, all I ask is that you prove that" I exclaimed, I had stopped kissing her now, but my eyes were looking down solely into hers demanding an answer this time. Rosie seemed to stop all movement. She kept looking at me for a long time and slowly something seemed to soften in her eyes. Her hands that had all this time been around my neck suddenly left their spot and then, Rosie was holding my face in her hands as her eyes gazed up at me with a twinkle of something tender. I didn't know what she was going to do until with a quick succession of something sweetly pure, Rosie kissed me chastely on the lips at first before deepening it without any explanation other then the kiss itself.
"This will not be a one-time thing between us, Edward Nygma, because I love you, and you love me. It's the way it has always been and will always be. I am your girl again and you are mine too. We will stay that way until you decide otherwise" said Rosie, she made it sound so simple, but I didn't care in that moment. I only cared about kissing her, so that was what I did as she laid there completely mine for the taking. I kissed her with all the feelings I held for her in my heart. I had kept them bottled up all these years and, in that moment, it felt good to release them into that kiss. I laid my head against hers, but as much as her answer brought me joy there were questions it left unanswered.
"What about Barnes? And Ms. Kringle? Where do we go from here?" I whispered seeing from the look in her eyes that she had no answer for me. There was something about that that startled me, so much so that I left my place on top of her, and when I did, she didn't move at first. She laid there until finally she sat up and we were sitting side by side on my bed in a silence that couldn't be understood until suddenly she broke it without a sound. It seemed Rosalie had become good at simple actions, for what she did next was just as simple as what she'd done before, and in that moment it was enough. Rosalie took my hand in hers and she squeezed. It was then that I found myself looking at her and suddenly everything was clear without any of those answers really appearing at all.
"Eddie, you can't expect to have all the answers right here and now. Nothing as complicated as this is simple. This thing that we're coming into again will come together on its own. We just have to give it time. I need you to give me time" said Rosalie, I wanted to argue with her, but in that moment I couldn't. Because I knew what she was saying was true, but also out of some fear within me that I didn't want her to see. Some fear that if I pushed for more then she was willing to give that she would run and this time, I wouldn't see her again. I hoped she didn't see that fear as we sat their side by side. I didn't leave my bed as she prepared to leave. I didn't even look at her again until she was kneeling in front of me to kiss me again.
"Don't worry about any of this, Eddie, it'll be okay. Tomorrow, we'll have lunch as usual, and I'll show you my shop. That is…if you have time to see it?" whispered Rosie, there was something in the way she looked at me with that twinkle of joy in her smile that left me only able to give my answer in a nod. My response made her giggle and suddenly she was hugging me around the neck with the touch of two lovers. I couldn't hold back my smile at her touch and when she leaned closer, I couldn't help it. I accepted her kiss goodbye like a man who hadn't seen water in a long, long time. It wasn't until she was gone that I realized that in this situation, I very much was that man, but I didn't dwell on it more then that.
After the door had closed behind her, I sat on my bed with no emotion on my face, but then as my inner demon started to speak, I couldn't listen to him. Suddenly, I was laughing a giddy laughter that shook the heart of my body, and after a moment, I realized that my other half was laughing with me. I hadn't taken his advice about Rosie or about Ms. Kringle, but somehow things had worked out all the same. Everything that had been wrong with the world suddenly felt righted even with all the questions illuminated in that moment. Nothing could have stopped the rapid beat in my heart that day. Rosie and I were Rosie and I again.
"Nothing else matters, only her and I, all the other stuff can be figured out later" I thought my state of mind undeterrable as I replayed in my mind that afternoon with her. Yet in my amicable state, I couldn't forget my work, and yet I was loath to return to the GCPD that day. I went there, but I avoided every eye. I was no longer the quiet man sculking in the shadows, but I walked out of them through the building undiscernibly with that smile unwavering. The best part of it came when I saw Barnes looming over the bullpen. He had this look on his face and watching him, I was surprised when he turned in my direction. I was still smiling after loving Rosalie as I had this afternoon, and I couldn't let it fall as his eyes landed on me unabashedly. I let him see that smile before walking away into the gloomy hallway that led to my desk. I couldn't deny the satisfaction I felt at the way he'd looked at me, watching me smile, and he had no idea that just a few hours ago I had been deep inside of his fiancé.
I felt as if I was floating on air and I didn't touch down again. The only one who could make me see anything close to reality was Rosalie. She did just that when I saw her the next day. Not because she came to me and revealed the nature of our relationship to the world. In fact, I didn't realize I wanted that until I saw her that day, and I was harshly reminded of our reality the second I did. When I saw her, she wasn't alone, but standing with Captain Barnes. He had his hands on her waist and as I looked on, they were leaning close for a kiss. I watched them kiss and something in me panged. Because I wanted to be the one kissing her in front of the whole precinct.
"I can't watch this" I thought as the kiss lasted longer than a mere peck of the lips.
"It's not as simple as she would have me think" I thought it as she was walking towards me afterward, I stood outside the GCPD just as I always was when we were going out to lunch, but after everything the day before there was no going back to that friendship that we'd once known.
When she joined me outside, we still didn't say anything, but she grabbed my hand tight in her own.
"And yet you want it to be that simple, don't you?" whispered my other half in that moment, but I pushed him away harshly too because I didn't want to hear what he had to say as the taxi we were in stopped and we were right in front of her shop.
"Here it is! Isn't it great" exclaimed Rosie as we stood in front of the glass window of the shop with her name scrawled across the glass and despite the emotions roiling around inside of me, I couldn't stop myself from smiling when I looked at her? As she took me inside in her enthusiasm, I couldn't help, but be happy for her. Because this was the thing, she had wanted for herself and I wanted her to have it. As she led me through the building, I could see her here, and then I was reminded of our current situation. Because I wanted to be here with her, not to work, but I wanted to watch her dream come true with her by my side. I wanted to give her the world and I wanted our worlds to coexist. There was something else though; something that had me squeezing her hand in my love for her. I had felt many things for her since the moment we had met. Love, friendship, enthusiasm, even hate when we had been at our worst, but that wasn't what I felt in that moment. There was a pride that spread throughout the length of my chest then as I watched her explain all the things she was going to do here in this place. I didn't have to guess then, I knew she would succeed, and I was so proud of her for daring to open this business until suddenly she was right in front of me looking at me for my reaction to all she had shown me today.
"I couldn't be happier for you, Rosie or prouder. You've done something great here. You've carved out your own little piece of paradise here. You're going to be great" I whispered making her beam and for some reason I had to draw her close.
I backed her up until she was pressed keenly against the closed door of the shop. I could tell from the look in her eyes that she knew what I was going to do and where this would lead, but that wasn't important then as she waited for me to do it. With no hesitation, I kissed her, and immediately I felt as she leaned into it with her own special brand of enthusiasm. Her arms instantly went around me, and we shared that kiss until looking at her, I remembered her kissing Barnes not long before.
"What's wrong, Eddie?" whispered Rosie as if sensing that something was wrong. In a flash of memory, I saw her standing with his hands on her waist, and again she was kissing him. It made me angry, but I could only pull away in that moment to look at her. After a moment, I walked away leaving her standing there with her back still hard pressed to the door. I felt her eyes on me, but I didn't look back at her as I tried to find the words for how I was feeling. I knew she said we had to figure it out, but my inner demon was getting the best of me.
"I saw you kissing Barnes before. I didn't like it" I whispered not turning to face her. I could hear her footsteps behind me as she came towards me.
"Eddie…you have to understand, Nathanial is my fiancé, I have to kiss him sometimes. You can't expect me not to…you just…can't let that upset you" whispered Rosie, but there was nothing in what she said that soothed the way I was feeling, in fact, all it did was fuel the anger boiling rapidly in my veins.
"Does that mean you're still going to marry him? Because I thought you were my girl again. That we were in love and yet it sounds like you're going to marry another man and leave me behind again. Like you're going to marry a man you don't love and leave me, someone you have admitted to loving to pine after you" I snapped, I let my other half come out then, if for just a moment, and then I looked at her, rounding on her entirely to stare her in the face.
"Eddie, it's not like that. I can promise you, it won't be like that" exclaimed Rosie letting me see the fear in her eyes then before that melted away entirely to the truth of what was happening between us and the truth, I saw was that Rosie in fact had no idea where we were to go from here.
"I need to know that you're not going to take off on me again" I whispered, my other half locked away again as I contained the anger that had let him slip out in the first place. Because that was my truth. I didn't want to lose her again. I didn't want to go back to the life I had been living before she appeared again. I just wanted her, but in that moment, I had no idea whether we wanted the same things. I needed to know what she wanted, but I didn't know if she would tell me. I held myself together though mostly because I wasn't going to lose control and hurt her again. In that moment, I feared that just as much as anything else. I feared losing control and hurting her or worse, killing her the way I had detective Dorati. I never wanted to hurt another person, especially her, and when she touched my cheek in that moment, I think she saw that. That was why I loved her because she always saw me, and that moment was no different.
"I love you, Eddie, that will never change. It never has, but you have to understand how I feel about Nathanial Barnes. He isn't someone I love the way I love you, but I care for him. I don't want to see him hurt. I won't hurt him. No matter how I feel for you, no matter how you feel for him…he is a good man…and he deserves to be let down kindly. I don't know how to do that yet and until I do this has to be this way. Until I can find a way to end everything with him without hurting him more then I have to" whispered Rosie, the emotion was heavy in her voice, so much so that I suddenly understood her side of things more then I wanted to. Because we had been apart a long time before now. And I was highly aware that Nathanial Barnes had taken care of her. For that reason, she cared deeply for him, and I didn't want to make her hurt him even as that green ball of jealousy hung always present in my heart.
"Do you love him?" I whispered looking her in the eye.
She answered me first with a peck of a kiss on the lips. That kiss was tender, it matched the look in her eyes when she looked at me, and yet even in that moment, I found myself caught up waiting for her response. I knew as her silence remained that she didn't know what to say but standing there I knew what I wanted her to say. I wanted her to declare her love for me, but I couldn't make her say it. I was highly aware of it as we stood there.
"There are many different types of love, Eddie, and I can tell you that in a way, I do love Nathanial. I love him in the way anyone would love the person who had taken care of them and kept them safe for years at a time, but I do not love him the same way I have always loved you. I have loved him as my friend, my protector, but you, Edward Nygma, I have loved you as my friend, yes, but also my lover, my companion, and everything that a woman would want in the person she wishes to grow old with. I've always been completely and unwaveringly in love with you. I've never questioned that love and with that love, I am asking you to give me the time I need to let him down without managing to hurt him" exclaimed Rosalie her eyes fierce as she spoke, and it was that and the way she was looking at me that made my defenses fall. Because those were all the things, I wanted her to say. Except she had said them in her way. Those were her words, but in that moment, I looked at her, and heard those words in my own vernacular. And they were everything in that moment. Her hand was still on my cheek, but suddenly, I found myself drawing it away. I held it in both my own with my eyes always looking at her and then I let her hand fall. I brought my hands to grip her wrists, so I could use them to draw her to my chest, and once she was pressed flush to me, I couldn't take my eyes off her. She had just started to smile at me when I dragged her into a kiss that I deepened almost immediately causing her hands to lay softly against my chest. I didn't know how to tell her that she could take as long as she wanted. I only looked down at her in my way and then the answer came to me. It had me drawing away from her to the door then the windows and with a single movement, I was closing the blinds on her window then her door, and then with a twist, I locked the door too. I knew she understood when I saw the way she was looking at me and suddenly I was hurrying back to her.
"What're you doing?" exclaimed Rosie as I was returning to her.
"Keeping our secret for now" I whispered deciding not to give her the time to think about it anymore as I dragged her back to the way we had been, my lips seeking hers, and not parting until I had lifted her onto the counter.
"Shall we Christen your business for good luck?" I said it without really giving her a choice in the matter. I knew what her answer would be as we kissed again. Whenever we did our lips seemed to meld together in the perfect union. It was something we had shared when we were young, and I felt something sparkle within me at the knowledge that we had not lost that. In that moment, I found I would never tire of kissing her.
"I'm okay with that" whispered Rosie parting her legs so I could stand between them.
"Very good" I husked; my hands firm yet smooth as they touched her to slowly begin to undress her.
"You are so beautiful" I whispered as I removed her clothes, first her shirt then the skirt she wore, and finally her panties until suddenly she was bare before me with only her shoes left to take off.
She kicked them away before I could remove them and when my hands moved over her sides, she shivered. I didn't let her undress me, for some reason I wanted to watch her face as I did it myself.
"Stop" said Rosalie suddenly, I had kicked off my shoes now, and was removing my pants then my boxers so I stood only with my button up shirt on when she spoke up stopping me in my movements.
"Don't take it off. You look sexy…standing there with just that shirt on" whispered Rosie her voice seductively breathy as I noticed the way her hands were gripping the counter in her impatience as her tongue flicked out to lick her lips and her eyes gazed into mine completely glazed. There was something about the way she looked. There was a desperation in her eyes, in the way her knuckles were white with her wait, and in that moment, I did as she asked. I couldn't wait anymore either as my hands reached for her and suddenly, she was close again.
My hands caressed the shape of her hips and we kissed as her hands balled up into the shirt I wore.
"No one's referred to me as sexy in a long time" I whispered mid kiss as she gripped my shoulders.
"That's because they don't know you like I do" whispered Rosie our eyes meeting as I filled her slowly.
"No one's ever known me the way you have" I whispered my eyes looking solely into hers as I started our pace slow until I found I couldn't just look at her, I had to kiss her, and then in that moment her body was pressed to mine as our kiss deepened.
"God, Eddie…I love you. You make me feel so good" breathed Rosie her breathing coming in heavy waves. I felt my breathing coming in at just the same pace as I dragged my lips and my hands over her. I could feel her, all of her, and as my movements became more powerful, I held her all the closer. This moment was sacred to me. She was sacred to me and I knew she knew that as I thrust into her.
Everything about this felt sacred then, the way she pressed her breasts into the hard tones of my chest, and the way her fingers pressed solely to the plains of my back. The way strands of her hair tumbled over her face as she rocked into me and her lips found my neck as she hid her face there. I found myself pressing my face into her hair as I moved inside her and as I smelled the coconut of her shampoo, I was suddenly high on her.
"Oh, Eddie, I love the way you feel inside me. So strong…so good" exclaimed Rosie capturing my lips fiercely until breaking away I slammed into her.
"Eddie" gasped Rosie in response to my actions her hands sliding over my shoulders then my chest until they were gripping the counter again as she made to arch into my movements. Rosie laid herself out before me as I made love to her. Her body was poised in a perfect arch, her mouth hanging open, and the louder she got the more enthused my thrusts became.
"Fuck me, Eddie…I need you" gasped Rosie her eyes closing in her declaration and in that moment all I could do was look at her as she gave herself to me, her breasts bouncing for me in a moment of pure seduction all her own.
"Oh Rosie, I love the way you sound when we're like this" I growled slamming into her as my fingers toyed with her clit.
"Yes, Eddie…yes, yes, yes" exclaimed Rosie as if to entice me more, her tongue sliding sensually over her lips as if in response to what I had just said, her eyes darting open. I brought her to kiss me suddenly feeling as she melted into me as she came. She was panting heavily, but I kissed her all the same. I held her flush to me, my thrusts never stilling as we did, and then I felt as her legs tightened around my waist. Her fingers were in my hair and her breasts were pressed to my chest making me harder somehow as I felt her always rocking all the harder into me. I never wanted to be with anyone else as I claimed her for what I wanted to be the rest of our lives.
Yet even as I was making love to her, my mind was always working, and I had a thought that I knew could only come when a man was making love to the one woman he could love in this world. Rosalie was that girl for me, and it was as I was making love to her that I decided what I wanted her future title to be. I knew it by the way she kissed me. With her lips moving with an everlasting passion over mine and her hands touching me with that touch that was that of an angel. I knew it in the way I fit perfectly inside her and the way her body seemed destined to be fitted with mine. I knew it completely in that moment as I made love to her in our sacred way. I didn't want her to be a secret forever and when I came, her own release following, I wouldn't let her look away from me. And yet, when it was all over, we laid with our bodies no longer connected. Our backs were against the counter as we sat side by side, naked on the linoleum floor, and in that moment as her head rested on my shoulder, we were content. We were happy and holding her hand, I wanted this to be our future. We were content to lay their skin to skin sharing our kisses until looking at her, I smiled, this was everything I'd ever wanted.
"It's you and me, Eddie, forever. I promise" said Rosie kissing the skin of my neck as she came all the closer to me. We looked at each other then and I found myself taking her hand to hold it lightly in mine. I believed her in that moment and that was almost enough.
"I believe you, Rosalie, I love you deeply. I hope you'll always know that" I said it slowly with our fingers interlocked. Even as I said it, my confidence was leaving me, and I knew it was because of the thoughts I had had while we made love. As much as I wanted her, there was something within me that told me I couldn't have her, and I knew she saw that.
"Eddie…why do you keep overthinking this? Please, talk to me, so I can know what I need to do to assure you that I am not going to leave again" whispered Rosie her hands on either side of my neck now. After a moment, she was sitting in my lap, her body straddling mine, and her hands had moved to my face. She wouldn't stop looking at me and I didn't know what to say. More then anything, I didn't want to chase her away. I didn't want my own insecurities to make her realize that she was better off with Barnes then she would ever be with me. Yet I couldn't tell her that as she looked at me and I looked at her, both of us suddenly aware of the silence surrounding us. When we were young, it had been the way she looked at me, the way her hands touched my face that made my inner defenses break, and all these years later that had not changed. The combination of those things put together made it so I couldn't deny her my truth and then she saw it. All my insecurities were laid out for her to see and Rosie didn't run from them as she let the silence remain with her eyes always on me as well as her hands.
"How do you know you won't change your mind and not choose me. Barnes is a better man then me, you deserve someone who can protect you, and that's not me. I couldn't even protect you from myself" I exclaimed the words leaving me in a rant of something desperate. After I had said them, I couldn't look at her, but with her hands still holding onto my face, I couldn't look away either. I found there was something in her eyes then that soothed my ego even as the silence played out around us.
"That wasn't your fault, Eddie, and it never will be. You couldn't control it then…it doesn't make you a lesser man or a bad man. I see the man that you are, and I love you more because you are that man" whispered Rosie choosing in that moment to kiss me with that deep passion that we had always shared.
"My heart has always chosen you, Eddie. I love you. I have always and always will. Every time I kiss you, I choose you. Every time we make love, I choose you. Every day I go on loving you, I choose you. That will never change. You're the one I want and the one who I will always want. I promise you, someday, that we will tell everyone that. All we have to do is wait a little bit and everyone will know" exclaimed Rosie, in that moment, I wanted her words to be enough, but there was still something missing. I didn't know what at first. What I did know was that it was connected to those feelings that had occupied my mind as I was making love to her, but I still didn't dare breach the subject. Not until some deeper part of me that I knew to be my other half forced me to. Because I was risking everything for her. My whole life was hinged on my eventual future with her. In that moment, it wasn't that I didn't believe everything she had said to me so far, but it was that I needed another promise from her. A promise as sacred as the love that existed between the two of us. In that moment, I dared to ask her for that promise.
"What will we be when that happens?" I said completely serious as I looked her directly in the eye.
"What do you mean?" whispered Rosie, her voice guarded in a way I could remember from long ago.
"When we're a real couple what will we be? Will I be your boyfriend, your friend with benefits? What?" I exclaimed suddenly gripping her hips tightly.
"I don't know, Eddie, we could be all those things. It's up to us to decide, so what is it you want us to be? When you look at our future how do you see us?" said Rosie that serious tone in her own voice now. Her body still straddled mine. Her hands were pressed firmly into the planes of my chest. She was waiting for my answer now, leaving it completely up to me, and there was only one thing that I wanted. And yet the question took me off guard. Because I was afraid to say what I wanted for fear of what she would say. I had never been a man who took chances without already knowing the outcome, but in that moment, she dared me to be that type of man. I knew what I wanted, but at the same time, I didn't. We sat there merely looking at each other. She was waiting for me to say the words, but I couldn't. Not the way I would normally, so in the end I let them spring out in a flourish of words that barely made sense to me. I didn't realize how afraid I was of those words until I was in the midst of speaking them.
"I want to be your husband" I exclaimed, seeing the shock as it registered on her face.
"Eddie…do you mean that?" whispered Rosie that serious look on her face. The longer I looked at her, the more I realized that I did.
"I love you, Rosie, of course I mean it. I mean, you were going to marry Barnes…would you marry me?" I exclaimed realizing how thick the air around us had become as we looked at each other. She didn't say anything at first, she just kept looking at me, and without an answer, she kissed me.
When she left me, her eyes were filled with tears, and my face was in her hands.
"Yes" whispered Rosie crying so much that tears covered her face.
"What?" I whispered, I hadn't expected her to say yes, but she had.
"I would love to marry you, Edward Nygma" exclaimed Rosie, suddenly kissing me our lips never parting until I laid her beneath me on the linoleum again. We celebrated by making love again on the floor of her shop.