Chapter 13 - Keepsakes
Gray light greets me in the morning again. I get up with a smile. Now I love dark skies, knowing Lynn won't have any reason to be absent. I have really changed; I see everything differently these days.
On my computer I find a flurry of emails from mom. I type a quick reply, telling her I'm okay, and go scavenge some breakfast from the kitchen's cupboards. When I finally walk outside, my backpack slung over one shoulder, I scan the drive for a black car; I'm not disappointed.
Lynn and I beam at each other as I get in and we exchange greetings.
"So, if you can't sleep what do you do at night?"
"No, today it's my turn to ask questions, remember?" She counters gleefully.
"Alright, well, I think my life was pretty boring, actually, until I met you. What would you like to know?" She drives fast and of course her car is built for higher speeds than my clunker. We'll get to school in a flash.
She bites her lip for a second. She's pondering where to begin.
"You told me you read a lot?"
"Yes, it's something I could afford even on my mother's meager salaries. I just got a library card and borrowed a lot of books. I read many genres."
"Favorite novels?"
"'1Q84'. By Haruki Murakami."
Her smile lights up this dreary morning. It's also one of her faves.
"Raymond Chandler's 'The Big Sleep'. The Lord of the Rings. Neuromancer."
"And Number Nine Dream. It's so good." I suddenly add to the list.
"Who's the author of that one?" She asks, her brow creasing in a puzzled frown.
"David Mitchell; he also wrote 'Cloud Atlas'."
"Okay, favorite music?"
"Clair de Lune, in classical. Bright Eyes is my indie band of choice."
"Any others?"
"Muse, Arcade Fire, Built to Spill, Modest Mouse." The latter were recommended by my mom's new beau. "And some soundtrack music. I like movies."
We have to pause the interrogation when we go to class, but at every break it resumes. When lunch comes around I wave at some of my friends as Lynn and I retake our table. I try to change the subject, but now she asks me questions about mom's new husband, and about my father. I tell her that my dad still has many pictures of our family before my mom's escape to Seattle first and later to Arizona. The Swan males don't take love lightly.
In French class it's time for part two of the movie. As soon as the lights are off our hands find each other again and don't let go until the end. When we walk out I feel exhausted, like I've just run a marathon, but also happy. Lynn keeps asking me about my mother's foibles, her career changes, her pursuit of New Age interests, and eventually her second marriage. Except for when we are in separate classes we spend the entire day together.
On the way back, in her car, she asks me if I have other hobbies she doesn't know about. I reply that she already knows about my music and the fact I play soccer and go hiking, not to mention I read a lot. There isn't anything else to talk about so she asks me about hiking and I tell her how different it is out here, where everything is green and wet. The northwest is beautiful, but I also miss the desert's landscapes, the red rocks gleaming dully in the twilight, the straggly plants that manage to survive in such an inhospitable environment, the hot, dry wind that stirs the dust and pushes along the tumbleweeds. We end up spending a couple of hours in her car, until my father returns, and I try my best to describe Arizona to her. We both know she wouldn't like it there, though. Too much sunlight. She would only be able to go out at night. It doesn't matter. It sounds like my mom will be moving to Florida, just as sunny and even hotter, I imagine.
At night I catch up with some homework and review notes I borrowed; the last few days I haven't been able to focus in class but I know I will be fine. Most of my courses are easy. Next year might prove to be more of a challenge but I'll worry about it then. When I go to bed too many thoughts keep swirling in my brain, and as usual I feel like I'm taking turns being singed or frozen to my core. Hope and despair dance with me across twilight halls stranded between wakefulness and sleep.
On Friday I make it out the door with bleary eyes, but I still smile happily when Lynn, at the wheel of her BMW, bids me good morning.
I try to ask her about her feeding habits, but she reminds me that it's still her turn to pry. Soon I'm too busy answering her questions to worry about it.
At first, we talk more books. It's obvious she loves to read, and she's pleasantly surprised that the books I like are also among her favorites even though I'm sure she has read a lot more than me.
"What got you interested in reading? These days many kids our age don't read at all, unless it's text messages on a computer screen." She looks puzzled, but genuinely interested.
"When I was in junior high school I had a reading assignment. I really enjoyed the book I picked and luckily the guy my mom was dating at the time lent me a few novels."
"What book was it? The first one you read, I mean." Actually, I have quite a story for her.
"Well, keep in mind that I was eleven or twelve when I read it and it was a book written for children. You probably never even heard of it. To be honest it's still one of my favorites. It was called 'How to Become King', and I think the writer was actually Dutch. Obviously I read an English version."
"Now I'm rather curious. You're right, I haven't read it. What is it about?"
"Well, it's about a kid who has to face a series of challenges to become the next king of a fictional land. The overall plot is nothing unique; the beauty of the book is that every challenge is obviously a metaphor for problems that affect our society and how they could be solved if people were less selfish and more willing to work together."
We reach the school and have to head to class, but I can tell Lynn is impressed.
"I still have a copy, if you want to borrow it."
"I think I will." She says as we walk to class hand in hand, still the couple of the hour. People we pass blatantly point and talk. I really couldn't care less.
The morning classes are just tedium. I chat with the people I know, but at least I don't really have to field any more questions. Lynn and I have made it clear to the whole school that for the time being we are an item. Actually, that's not completely true. Eric, Jeff and Eric are still dying to know whether I've kissed her, or made it to second base. Unfortunately, there isn't anything to report on that front and they have no reason to doubt me, partly because I'm clearly depressed about it and partly because most boys my age would never pass on an opportunity to brag about their conquests.
At lunch, Lynn asks me more questions, this time about music, but here my expertise is much more limited. My mother plays the piano a bit, and of course I also learned some classical music and I already told her about the indie bands I like. Finally she asks me more questions about my mother. I make her laugh when I describe some of her adventures and the wide range of activities she is interested in, from Yoga to white water rafting.
Just before we leave, though, she has bad news for me.
"I'm sorry, Brandon, but I have to leave early today. I should have let you drive your own truck I suppose, but I didn't want to waste any time we could spend together."
"I see." I suddenly feel a little blue. "Don't worry about it. You know I like to walk and I'm glad you gave me a ride. I just wish you didn't have to go so soon. French will be really boring now."
She chuckles a little.
"Yes, it will. Won't it? But it's for the best. I'm going hunting with Alice. If I am going to spend the whole day with you tomorrow, I need to make sure I'm not thirsty…." She also looks glum now. She wants to be with me, but she's worried she's putting me in danger. It all makes me want her even more. Tomorrow can't come soon enough.
"With Alice?" I ask, trying to think of something else unrelated to my dejection. "Why only her?"
"Well, she's the most supportive. I told you I can read minds, but she also has a unique talent; she can see the future. She knew this was coming, and she says you and her will be best friends one day."
"Okay, that's cool." I do like her. She always seems so happy and lively. She's the perfect foil for her boyfriend, who appears rather gloomy. "You'll have to tell me more about her skills when I'm finally allowed to ask you questions again. But allow me one about a related topic for now," I add, pouting a little. "Does that mean the others don't like me?"
"It's not that; they don't really know you." She tries to keep her tone casual, but I sense hidden depths beneath her comment, like Leviathans floating at the bottom of the ocean, their presence felt despite the darkness they're shrouded in.
"They're just, well, incredulous. You don't know how many years I've been alone, never thinking I needed more than myself and my family. They're all just as surprised as I am, almost shocked really. Most of them are glad I met you, although a little worried, but Rosalie is really upset. She's mad because a human knows so much about us. It makes her nervous."
"I see…"
"There is one thing I'd like to ask you before I leave…." She almost looks shy now, or embarrassed. "I'm a little old fashioned, as you probably noticed by now, and I would like you to give me something that belongs to you, something I could wear or keep with me all the time. Like a token of our feelings for each other, or a keepsake. I know, it's a little silly and of course you don't have to, but it would make me really happy." Her eyes smolder on the last words and I have trouble breathing for a few seconds. When I remember who I am and where I am I can finally form a reply.
"It's not silly at all. Actually, I'd like that too." What should I give her though? In Phoenix some guys gave their girlfriend a ring but I don't have any. Then, I have an idea. I fish under my shirt and the t-shirt underneath and pull out the string around my neck. At the end of it dangles a crescent moon made of bleached bone. I pull it out over my head and hand it to Lynn.
"One of my mom's cousins went to Thailand last year and brought this back. It's not jewelry, I know, and it's just a cheap souvenir, but it's all I have right now. I'd like you to wear it…" Another blush paints my skin red and she giggles a little before taking it and looking at it. Her smile is so soft and tender.
"This is perfect. It's very pretty and you've been wearing it... Are you sure you don't mind? I really don't want to impose…"
"Nonsense. I really want you to have it. Besides, I have another one. My relative brought two back. That way we could both wear one."
Her smile becomes even more radiant and she puts it around her neck, leaving it outside her dark top so everybody can see it. I think I'll do the same with the one I have at home.
"I'm so glad. And you would really like to wear something I give you? You weren't joking?"
"No, I wasn't joking; I'd love to. As long as it's not too feminine of course." I add with a grimace.
She laughs and unties a slim leather bracelet on her left arm, simple and elegant, and wraps it around my left wrist. It looks great.
"It's just a trinket I bought in Alaska. We like the north. The cold doesn't bother us and the short hours of sunlight really suit us."
"Thank you Lynn." I say. It's my turn to feel silly, but I can almost imagine we already got married, in a private ceremony of our own… Lynn looks at the clock and clouds flit past her eyes. Despite my rampant imagination, there is still something unresolved between us. I have a feeling tomorrow will be a turning point. Out orbits are too tight, too close to each other. It is time we become one or drift apart forever. The second option makes my heart plunge into a deep, dark chasm.
Meantime, Alice has pirouetted over to our table.
"Hi Brandon. It's nice to finally be able to talk to you. I've been looking forward to it."
"Likewise." I mumble, suddenly shy again, but meeting her is a genuine pleasure.
"You two make a great couple." Alice smiles mischievously as she says it. I blush and Lynn looks uncertain as to whether she should laugh at my reaction or just glower at Alice.
"Thank you Alice. I'm happy you are so supportive of Lynn." I manage to stutter. It's true that Alice doesn't cause my heart to skip a beat every few seconds like Lynn, but she's still a very beautiful girl. There is only one reason she doesn't have any active suitors: her boyfriend looks pretty intimidating…. I have to admit I'm still a klutz around attractive women. The only exception is when I'm with Lynn. It's uncanny.
"Are you ready, Lynn?" Alice inquires playfully.
"We can get your truck to school if you want, it's no problem." Lynn looks serious. She feels bad about not being able to give me a ride but it's really not a big deal.
"No. Honestly, I'd rather walk. I need some exercise since I can't go to soccer practice this week. It doesn't look like it will rain soon. I'll be fine."
"Okay." Lynn says softly. We hold hands a few seconds, one silent gaze linking us for an all too brief moment, and then she tells me to stay safe with a caress of a whisper. I reply with an inane "Have fun."
I watch them stride toward the exit before I scramble to gather my stuff and run to French. I pat my chest with my right hand, where my crescent moon used to be. Thinking Lynn is wearing it now fills my heart with so much joy I'm afraid it might burst. It feels like a dream, but then I look at the leather bracelet she gave me and I know it wasn't. I smile even wider as I finally get to my seat.
With Lynn absent Jessica hangs with me before class begins. As Lynn predicted, she gives me a detailed report on the nature of our body language during lunch. In a nutshell, she thinks we are both crazy about each other. I don't deny that's true for me, but I mumble I'm still not sure about Lynn's feelings. I can't tell her about tomorrow, though, or the true nature of my doubts. Not that she would believe me if I did. In fact, I tell her that unfortunately our plans to go to Seattle have been scrapped because Lynn has to go hiking with her family. Jessica looks sad to hear it, but she perks up when I tell her we have plans for Sunday. I realize I'm protecting Lynn in case something happens to me. It seems crazy, but I owe her. If it all goes badly, well, it's okay. If she wasn't who she is I wouldn't be alive to worry about any of this.
In my next class it's the guys' turn to sympathize when I tell them my plans for Saturday have been cancelled, and then celebrate with me, grudgingly, when I mention I will see Lynn on Sunday. I also wish Jeff good luck for the game they will play this weekend. For once, I'm not sad I won't be able to play due to my injury. I'd rather spend the whole weekend with the vampire girl of my dreams.
After school I slowly walk back home, almost glad for the extra time it will take me to get there. Eric drives by and offers me a ride, but I know my house is really out of his way. I thank him and politely decline. It starts drizzling, so I pull up the hood of my parka and keep trudging forward.
Yes, tomorrow will be decisive, one way or another. It makes me feel excited and worried in equal measure. What will she look like in the sunlight? I can't imagine it will be enough to dissuade me from wanting to be with her, but she seems concerned. She's so strong, and beautiful, how long will it be before she tires of somebody like me? I look at her bracelet again. It's also supposed to represent some kind of commitment, isn't it? And yet, I'm still assailed by my usual insecurities. Except, at least I know how I feel. I know that I want her to be a part of my life. The rest will be up to her and there is no point in worrying about it now.
For dinner dad manages to fry some of the fish he brought home from his expeditions. We won't run out of that any time soon. Just to be safe, he plans to go fishing again tomorrow. I give him the same story about canceling plans with Lynn and my intention to meet her on Sunday. He asks me if I'd like him to stay home and spend the day with me, but I explain I'll be busy with homework and he should enjoy his day with his buddies. After dinner we watch a sitcom for a bit, and as I head to my room I hear him flick through the channels in search of some sports. His life is a lot more predictable than mine.
Upstairs I absentmindedly strum my electric for a bit, but when I attempt to play a song I keep messing up chord changes or forget them entirely and have to check my notes. I soon give up and open the window. Outside, the rain has stopped and the clouds are starting to thin out. The moon peeks from behind its veils. It's almost full. I take it as a good sign.
I dig through my drawer and find the other crescent moon from Thailand. I wear it on top of my shirt. When the phone rings I jump up. It's my mother. I've been skimping on emails again. I have other things on my mind. We chat for a bit about inconsequential stuff, and then she confirms that her husband got the job and they will move to Florida. She asks me again if I want to go stay with them. From her tone, I can tell that she already knows my answer. I disappoint her, but I don't surprise her, when I tell her I definitely want to stay in Forks, maybe a little more forcefully than warranted. Well, not that I'm being mean or anything like that. My voice just sounds a little louder than usual. She sighs.
"You really like that girl, don't you?"
I blush, glad she can't see me, but I can't lie to her. She can read me like a book.
"Yes."
"Brandon, we never had secrets for each other. I won't tell you what to do, but please tell me just one thing: does she reciprocate your feelings?"
"Mom, it's still early days, like I told you. I think she does…. But as you know women are a mystery to me."
"Brandon, come on, give me some details at least. Have you gone out on a date, yet?"
"Not exactly. We had dinner in Port Angeles but we just sort or ran into each other, it wasn't planned." She'll never let it go if I don't confess something, I know her. "Okay, well, since then she picked me up every morning on the way to school. Her car is much nicer than my truck, but really she just wanted to spend time with me. We are still getting to know each other. We are quite different in some ways…" It's the understatement of the century, if nothing else. "But we also have many things in common. It's, yeah, strange in a way. I just feel happy when I'm with her. We also had lunch together every day."
"Are you seeing her this weekend?"
"Tomorrow she has to go hiking with her family, but I will see her on Sunday." This lie is also getting easier every time I repeat it.
"Okay, Brandon. I can tell you really care about her. Don't worry, everything will work out. She wouldn't spend so much time with you if she didn't share your feelings. You'll figure it out."
"I hope so."
We prattle on a little longer and eventually she lets me go to sleep. At first I feel restless, but I haven't slept well in a few days and I'm too tired to think. After one last trip to the washroom to brush my teeth, I doze off as soon as I crawl under my blankets.