Hey there,
I am back with a new chapter, and I hope you'll enjoy it!
I am sorry for taking so much time with this story, but to be honest I am not entirely sure where I am going with this one, and with everything going on with the show, I am having a bit of troubles to stay positive when it comes to Dawsey and Brett. But anyways, thank you all for your kind words on my stories, I appreciate it so much!
Please enjoy and leave a review, any requests would be welcomed for this story ofc!
Stay safe you all as always!
-A
Chapter twenty-three
A few weeks after the last events, Gabby and Matt had been talking more, being opened about what they felt or how they felt.
They had kept trying, but every test had ended up being negative, and even though Matt knew it would happen and they would get pregnant soon, Gabby on the other hand was not doing well.
And that was not missed by Matt who had been trying to make her feel good, to help her relax and smile, but she was not having it, she was sad, moody, disappointed in her and definitely impatient.
At some point that morning, Matt woke up before the alarm went off. Something felt off, and indeed, when he opened his eyes, he noticed that the bed was empty. Gabby was not here, and she probably had not been here for a while because her side of the bed was cold.
Matt sighed, and after running a hand in his messy hair, he left the bed, walking out of the room, making sure to take a sweater to prevent the coldness of this early morning to hit him.
As he walked in the kitchen and then in the living room, he couldn't find Gabby, surprised he walked to Louie's room, and pushed the door opened gently. That's when he found her, sitting on the rocking chair, holding one of Louie's teddy bear to her chest, as she was just looking at her sleeping son.
Matt walked in the room, getting Gabby's attention. He gave her a small smile and moved his head to ask her to follow him. Gabby nodded and left her spot. She closed the door behind them. And turned to face her husband.
"You okay babe?" Matt asked looking at his wife.
"Yeah… I just couldn't sleep" Gabby replied.
"Any reasons?" He asked running a hand to her upper arm wanting to make sure she was really okay.
"Just a lot in my head, but I am okay, and before you say anything it's not related to last night's negative test!" She snapped, getting from Matt to drop his hand from her not understanding her sudden change of demeanor.
"I was not going to say that..." Matt replied feeling that Gabby was indeed very much on edge. He didn't like to see her so cold and he hated when she snapped at him. But he also knew that pretty much everything she felt was due to their disappointment with trying to get pregnant.
"Well don't assume that everything is about those damn tests!" Gabby snapped once more. Matt looked at his wife confused by her very snappy and cold attitude. He knew she had a lot on her plate, and he was very much aware that she was disappointed that her pregnancy test was all negative, but he also didn't want her to be so angry. And he was not responsible for that either.
And of course, he knew she was not angry at him really. She was pretty much angry at herself, but she couldn't handle it, and was throwing her anger to the first person around her, Matt.
"I am just worried about you, but if it's what I get for caring I might just go back to bed..." He mumbled, looking straight into her brown eyes as she looked away.
"Well do that. If you think I can't handle myself then-" Gabby was not able to finish her sentence as it was Matt's turn to start getting annoy by her attitude.
"Don't put words in my mouth Gabby! I love you and I worry about you... I am sorry if it's not how you want me to be, but you know how I am, and I am not going to stop worrying about you when I see how you react right now!" Matt said raising his voice, wanting her to actually realize she was being hard on him.
"I am not a child Matt! You don't have to worry every five seconds I am not going to break down!" Gabby said running a hand over her face.
Matt looked at her, and cleared his throat, seeing that she was not herself. And even though she was not ready to talk about it yet, he wouldn't change how he acted around her. He was worried, and it was a normal reaction from a loving husband. "You're my wife, of course I am going to worry! We've been trying to get pregnant for almost three months and..."
Once more Gabby stopped Matt in the middle of his sentence not wanting to hear any more about their situation. "And this has nothing to do with me not being pregnant!" she snapped.
"Then what's going on?!" Matt asked desperate to help her.
"I don't want to talk about it! Can you leave me alone now!"
"Not when you're like this" Matt replied.
"I just need to be alone, please…" Gabby said calmer this time.
"You do realize that this is not my fault, right? That I am not responsible for all of this!" Matt said hoping to get some sense into his wife.
"I didn't say it was!" Gabby snapped again, getting even more angry at what he was saying.
"I know that's not what you said, but you're acting like it's my fault, but it's not, I am bothered as much as you are but-"
"So you're saying it's my fault?!" she asked very dryly, tears starting to form inside her brown eyes.
"That's definitely not what I am saying Gabriela!" Matt replied getting more and more angry as Gabby put her arms around her chest, her tears streaming down her face. "Baby…" Matt whispered as he saw her face, his anger disappearing in a second. He took a step towards her but she shook her head.
"Go back to bed…" she said, this time calmly, not having the force to fight more.
"Okay…" Matt nodded, sighing, but finally he complied and walked away, not wanting to argue even more with the woman he loved.
He hated seeing her like this, and he was definitely confused as to why she was suddenly so angry, but he was willing to leave her alone, and cool down. But he was not going to swipe this under the rug and forget about it. He would definitely talk about it with her, and he didn't care if it had to bring and create a new argument, he definitely would talk to her and make sure that whatever was bothering her would come out.
As he walked back to bed, he laid down on his back, looking at the ceiling, not being able to fall back asleep. He hated when Gabby was not in bed next to him, and he hated even more when they fell asleep after a fight.
He had come a long time ago to know that the worst thing in a relationship is probably to not address things and put arguments to the side which at the beginning of their relationship they used to do a lot, but now they had been better at communicating and make up after some arguments, but right now, he knew he wasn't in the wrong, and that Gabby needed to be the one to apologize.
Hopefully they would make up in the morning…
Dawson and Brett got back after the fourth call of the morning, and to say things were tensed was an understatement. Indeed, Gabby had been pretty much in the same mood as she had been with Matt hours ago.
When Matt had woken up, he had tried to talk to her to sooth her a little, but nothing worked, and it was making it even worse. Gabby had yelled at Matt pretty bad, and luckily Louie had not been in the room when she did. Gabby was definitely out of her mind, and everything was thrown towards Matt who had snapped at her, reminding her that she did have to stop talking to him the way she did.
So ever since they got to the firehouse, they had been avoiding each other. Matt had retreated to his office, while Gabby had been called to four calls, and had not been at 51 a lot since the beginning of shift.
But Brett had been able to notice it, and even though she didn't like to get involved in her friend's problems, she also could feel that Gabby was not a 100%.
"Dawson, do you want me to put ambo off duty for a moment?" Brett asked as she opened the back of the rig, needing to restock some stuff.
"No, why?" Dawson asked surprised by her colleague's suggestion.
"Well… Don't take it wrong Gabby, but you look like you need a break" Brett explained, hoping her friend wouldn't take it the wrong way.
"No I am good, but thanks though" she replied with a gentle smile, knowing she had been a bitch all morning long.
"Want to talk about it?" Sylvie asked taking the box with the gauze and putting it back in the rig.
"Huh?" Dawson mumbled not sure what Brett was talking about.
"About what's bothering you… About what's going on between you and Casey?" Brett pushed knowing Dawson probably did not want to talk about it, but definitely needed to.
"I have been a bitch we've been fighting and I don't know…" Gabby replied. "I've said it's not about my pregnancy tests being negative but… But it is" she continued looking at the floor a bit ashamed.
"Dawson… I am sorry… I know how much you want this, but Matt is not responsible for that, and I am sure you know that very well" Brett said running a hand in Gabby's back.
"It's just crazy how hard it is… I mean I got pregnant once, and it was the most amazing feeling and then I lost my baby, and I am really scared it's going to happen again, and even though I know it's unlikely, I can't help but feel like I am the reason we're not pregnant yet" Gabby explained.
"Gabby, neither you or Matt are responsible, you need to just let go of what happened, and soon, you'll be happy and pregnant, and I am sure everything you're feeling right now is legit you know… I don't know how it feels to go through what you and Matt went through, but it got you here today" Brett said getting a nod from Gabby.
Gabby knew that she was strong and that losing her baby made her what she wears today but also brought her to this precise moment. And she was happy happier than she has ever been in her life because of her son and her husband and she wouldn't change a thing of what she has.
She considered herself as a very lucky woman, and all of this was because of the family she had. And she would be a mother again, sooner or later, she just needed to be patient, and of course Gabby Dawson doesn't really rhyme with patience.
"You should go and talk to Casey" Brett said taking Dawson out of her thoughts.
"Yeah I will… It's… It's just so crazy how one moment everything was fine and the next I took that stupid test and everything just crumbled down around us" Gabby said with a sigh.
"Well… If you want my honest opinion nothing is crumbling down you still have your husband you're still together, happy, trying to make a baby. This is a good thing, you should be happy about it, not put so much pressure on it" Brett said hoping she was giving a good advice to her friend.
"I know that. Matt has been saying that ever since we started but I just want it to happen already and I know that Russian rush this but now that we decide to put one on the way I just can't wait" Gabriela explained putting the boxes of gauze away.
"What you need is to relax so why don't you just go inside Casey's office and jump his bones and everything will be fine after that" Sylvie said getting a roll of eyes from her friend.
"Brett we are not really have sex to fix things up kind of people you know… That's not how we figure things out you know it's not how it works and it's not how you make your relationship work. Before we had trouble talking but now we're not just us there's Louie in there as well" Gabby said getting a nod from the blond paramedic.
"I know Gabby, and you are more reasonable than me that's for sure, but Casey loves you to death, you're the best thing in his life, I am sure if you go talk to him, you can figure it out.
Gabby nodded. She was glad to hear that, she knew deep down that Matt loved her, but fighting with him was never easy. "I guess I should go talk to him"
"Yep you should" Brett said when the bell went off calling everybody to a warehouse fire.
"Damn bell" Gabby grumbled under her breath, closing the doors of the rig, and running to the driver sit to leave the house.
When all the team got on the scene the warehouse was on fire. Everybody was on edge when they saw the damage done to the building. The fire was escaping from the windows, there were big noises as if it was breaking down.
Men and women were running around the scene, scared. Some of them were hurt crying and screaming for help.
Very quickly Casey took the lead of the operations and asked to the different ambulance rigs to start with triage to make sure that people were treated.
Dawson and Brett were taking care of the hurt people when Sarah got out of the warehouse where the women under his arm who was crying with the big open wound on the front head.
"Sit down here!" Dawson said pointing at the ground. She checked the woman's wound taking some gauze to stop the bleeding.
"It's crazy in there, the fire is getting out of control and there's still so much people in here… She was with two other guys but they are hurt as well I have to go back inside, to get them" Severide explained as he breathed out of his mask for the first time in a while.
"Where are the others?" Brett asked giving an oxygen mask to the hurt woman.
"Casey and talk to the first and second floor, squad to the backside of the warehouse and I found them there, but everybody's busy with other people" he said knowing that he would probably need someone to hug the two person they were still inside but he knew that everybody was busy and he had to do it on his own.
"I can come with you if you want…" Gabby suggested after a second.
"What?" Severide asked surprised.
"I know that I'm not a firefighter officially right now but if nobody can help you I can come with you"
"Dawson I'm not sure it's a good idea" Severide replied knowing it was not bad idea but it was also not the protocol here.
"Come on Kelly those people need us and I can help you! I was a firefighter you can trust me" Dawson said really hoping he would agree and that she'd be able to help him.
"You know it has nothing to do with trust I do trust you with my life but Boden is not on scene and-"
"He is not here, and I explain to him everything when we get back but we don't have time to argue about this come on let me come!" Gabby said going around the ambulance to get her fire gear.
Severide rolled his eyes but finally he nodded knowing that he needed the help. He knew he probably wouldn't have the time to make ride twice. He needed her help for sure.
Very quickly Gabby got ready to go into the fire, putting her gear on when Casey arrived with another victim. And of course, he quickly realized that his wife was getting dressed to go into the flames which was not supposed to be happening.
"What are you doing?" He asked surprised and a little bit confused but most of all very worried.
"I'm going in with Kelly to get two victims that are still inside and he wasn't able to get out" Dawson explained not even meeting the lieutenant's eyes.
"No, you're not. You're not going inside" he said dryly, getting from both Dawson and Severide to turn around and look at him shocked and confused by his sudden very cold tone.
"Of course, I'm going. I have to help!" Dawson replied back wanting to convince him but Casey was definitely not impressed.
"Case look she's right, right now I need to go in there and help these people and I can't ask anybody else to come she is the only one available come on" Severide interjected knowing that they did not have the time to fight over this.
"I am available, I'm coming with you Dawson is not coming inside!" the lieutenant shot back frowning.
"Casey you're supposed to be in charge of the first and second floors!"
"I'm the one taking the decision right now! I'm in charge. This is my decision Dawson is not going inside!" Casey said feeling the anger rising inside of him knowing he was ride and he was the rational one here, right now.
"What the hell Casey this is not about our rank or who's in charge it's about saving people and helping as much as possible. If you're not going inside now people are going to die!" Kelly shag bag getting angry as well now. He knew that the lieutenant of truck 81 was definitely emotionally involved in this right now they couldn't think this way if they wanted to help people.
"Matt come on I can go in there, we're in and out. Two minutes" Gabby said trying to still convince him but nothing would make the lieutenant change his mind.
"You are going back to triage Gabby" he said looking at her with his deep blue eyes, that meant so much. All you really cared about was to make sure she was safe, and of course she knew that, but right now she can help but be angry at him for the way he was acting.
"Casey!"
"Back to triage! Now! It's an order!" he yelled putting his mask back on. "Severide I'm following you let's go!"
"Casey are you sure you're able to get back in the building?" Kelly asked staying frozen in his spot, not sure he could trust his colleague right now.
"You two stop doing stupid shit! I'm not the one needing to question myself! Come on we don't have time for this let's get back to work!" he yelled running to the burning fire.
Gabby and Kelly shared a shocked look. They did not understand his attitude he was so cold and mean and most of all he was not respecting them. Finally, Kelly nodded, and put his mask back on following the truck's Lieutenant.
On the other hand, Gabriela greeted her teeth so angry at the situation. She decided to get back to Brett and made sure to take care of her patients. But deep down she knew that she needed to have a conversation with Matt, and she was well aware that it wouldn't be a friendly conversation.
She would definitely be giving him a piece of her mind, and husband or not she needed to make sure he would respect her and her job. He would not just take decision for everybody in this freaking house. He was not her boss, he was not her lieutenant, she didn't have to receive any order from him, and he knew that by heart.
She was ready to yell at him, that was for sure.
Getting back at 51, everybody was on edge. Most of them were just exhausted after the tough cold that they just had. But for Matt Kelly and Gabby they were in age because they were very angry at each other.
Dawson slammed shut the ambulance's door and walked inside in the reunion room followed by Casey. The lieutenant closed the door behind him ready to have this conversation but knowing that his attitude on that call was probably a little out of place.
"What the hell was that?!" Dawson asked turning around quickly, her eyes full of anger, and her entire body screaming rage.
"I'm the lieutenant you know that I'm supposed to take decision that's what I did!" Casey replied back trying to keep a steady tone, not wanting to yell already.
"I could have gone inside with Kelly and you know that!" Gabby shot back, crossing her arms around her chest.
"It was uncalled! It's not your job, you don't just decide to go and run into a burning building when you're supposed to take care of the victims!" the lieutenant replied.
"My job is to help people I gave my opinion to Kelly and I was willing to go in that fire"
"But it was not your place to do so! You are a paramedic in charge, but you can't just take side with Severide" Matt said, he had been angry to see that both her and Severide were stupid enough to willingly throw her into the flames.
"Exactly I am the PIC I can talk when needed but I thought that this idea wasn't that bad! It was the right call and you know that! And in the end we all got into a fight when we should have been running inside this building to help people" Gabby said feeling so much tension build in her back and neck.
"You shouldn't have gotten involved your job is to treat patient we are the one running into burning buildings!"
"You and Kelly always disagree on these kind of calls and I was just trying to help! Everybody was busy so it is normal for me to want and help like I always do, whether it's treating a victim or going in the fire!"
"You're not a firefighter Gabby" Matt almost yelled not being able to get his anger under control.
"What?" Gabriela is shocked by what he'd just said
"I… I didn't mean it like that" Matt said realizing that his word had came out wrong. And he knew that he might have hurt her.
"Of course you did… You know that I left try to make sure that our son always has someone to take care of them right
"I know and-" he wasn't fast enough as Gabby stop him in his track and kept talking, ready to defend herself.
"I worked very hard to become a firefighter and you didn't have to throw the fact that I went back on ambo at my face!" She said very hurt by the last few words he had said.
"It's not what I meant Gabby… I'm sorry" he tried to apologize knowing that he had messed up right now.
"Yeah you should be. If you want you can take a job office at HQ and I can be back on track and fire fighting again. But that's never something I ask you to do I never asked you to give up what you're good at but you could have the decency to at least respect my decision and my sacrifice"
"Gabriella of course I respect that but I never asked you to do that either. It was your decision to change your carrier plans. You did that for Louie, and I know you did that for the right reason not asking me to change anything in my life but it is not my fault either"
"You do realize that I made the decision not only for ourselves but also for our future as a family. I made this decision to make sure that our little boy will never have to be on his own ever again. I did this as a mother and if you don't understand that then I don't think that we should grow our family…"
"Gabby… Come on you know it's not what I meant" Matt said taking a step toward her wanting to reason her
"It's like I don't know you at all"
"Don't say that… I'm sorry. I messed up but-"
Suddenly Casey was stopped by the ringing of the bells calling for ambulance 61 for two collapsed men. Dawson listened to the call, actually grateful that she was being able to fly away from this conversation.
Indeed, everything about it was really painful for her and she was really trying to keep her tears at bay. She didn't want to be crying in front of him, she didn't think he deserved it. And for the first time in a while she was worried that maybe the decision she made for her family were not enough for them to be the family she dreamt about. And that was breaking her heart.
Matthew looked at his wife leave the room, disappointed in himself and aware that he had hurt her more than he ever could. But he knew that sometimes he tends to leap before he looks and he knew that sometimes his words were faster than his own mind, Gabby knew that but it didn't give him the right to talk to her the way he did.
All he had ever wanted was to have a family with the most beautiful woman He's ever met. He had the woman, she was the most beautiful person in the world, the most caring and smart woman but also the strongest. She was the best wife he could ever asked for and also the best mother. He knew that.
And every single day he was grateful for the sacrifices she made for their family. He was aware of what it cost to her to actually give up on her dream. But she did because of how much she loved her son but also how much she loved her husband. She had made the decision because she didn't want to see her husband lose the best thing he had.
He was good at his job he loved it, and she wouldn't have asked him to give up on his dream job because it didn't feel fair. But Matt knew that he had taken for granted all of this. He knew that the decision she took, by going back on the ambulance just to make sure that their son would be safe and loved by one of his parents if the worst happened, what is a decision made out of love and fear for the little boy.
He had never really thanked her for that and he realized that he needed to do that more often, because he was living his dream life working his dream job loved by the most perfect woman in the world, being the father of the cutest little boy, he was proud of all of that he was proud of his wife and he was grateful for her.
So he decided that when she would be back he would tell her all of that and he wouldn't waste another second to do so.
Pulling up to the scene Dawson and Brett were surprised to find two men laying on the floor. They were near the river, one of them just a few feet from being into the cold water. Both women quickly got out of the rig ready to help.
"61 to main we need another ambulance on scene" Dawson asked over the radio.
"Copy that 61, sending ambulance 45 on scene"
But Dawson was out of her mind so angry after her last conversation with Casey and yes her ego had taken a hit.
She was really disappointed to hear that Matt was thinking so little of her, and that he was not respecting her or the decisions she made. She understood that she might have been reckless and that running in this fire was probably not the best call, but he had no right to say that it was not her place, that he was the leader and she needed to listen to him.
Of course she was well aware that she was not a firefighter anymore, and that her time as one was probably over forever, and she didn't mind one bit of course if it meant that her little boy would always have someone to look after him, but she also felt like the man she loved was actually oblivious to that.
She would never ask him to trade place. She never asked him to give up his job as a firefighter because she knew he was the best lieutenant she had ever met, and because she couldn't bear the idea of him leaving 51 for a desk job, but she was also disappointed to see that Matt was not thankful for the decision she made.
She was never the one to ask for recognition, and she didn't care what people thought about her career moves when all she did was to make sure Louie had a stable home. But It hurt her to hear the words that came out of Matt's mouth, he had hurt her.
"Dawson you ready?" Brett asked taking the gurney out of the back of the ambulance.
"Yes of course let's do this!" Dawson replied taking the bag and running to the men. One of them was face to the ground laying there.
Dawson knelt down next to him. "Sir can you hear me?" she asked gently but got no answers. "Sir?" she asked once more, shaking on his shoulder as he groaned out of pain. "I am going to turn you around!" Gabby said helping the man to lay on his back.
The man groaned once more, as Gabby realized he had a gunshot wound. "What happened there?" she asked taking some gauze as the man opened his eyes to look at her.
"I… Nothing" he mumbled.
Gabby sighed "Well it doesn't look like nothing!" she said trying to find an exit wound from the bullet.
"Mind your own business" he replied then pushing her away as he tried to sat down.
Brett, who was a few meters away looked up, to see that her partner seemed to have some trouble with her patient. "Dawson, need some help?" she asked as she was already pushing her unconscious man on the gurney.
"Nah, we are good" Dawson replied as they could hear the sirens of the other ambulance that was just pulling to the scene
Dawson looked down at her victim, and she could see that he was not going to cooperate with her. He probably didn't want to be treated, and seeing his injury she was sure there was a gun somewhere around there.
"I need to help you, so please stay still" Gabby asked but the man starred at her for a moment before pulling out his gun out of under himself.
"You listen to me bitch, if you want to stay safe, you shut the hell up"
Gabby's eyes opened widely, suddenly feeling worried. She noticed that Brett was at the ambulance, calling for back up. The paramedic took a deep breath really not wanting to be in any trouble right now but also knowing that she needed to do her job.
And obviously the danger came with it, she didn't have much choice.
The gunman stared at her waiting for her next move, he was pointing his gun at her, no emotion on his face probably not a care in the world about what he was doing right now. Suddenly and without much explanation he starting to get up with the last bit of energy that he had.
Dawson was about to say something but realize that maybe she shouldn't. He was pointing a gun at her and she was not really willing to put herself in more danger right now.
"Sir I don't want any problems I just need to help you I'm trying to do my job here" she said after a moment trying to cover the worries that she had in her voice.
The man frown and suddenly he took a step towards her and took a swing at her. His hand, holding the gun, came in contact with Dawson's temple. She let out a small cry of pain feeling a dizzy spell invade her as the pain increase.
Everything was turning around her, when suddenly, she felt herself fall, and the next thing she knew she was now surrounded by water, cold and frozen water. Her entire body screaming in pain from the impact on her head, but also from the coldness of everything surrounding her.