Where I Belong
Chapter 23
DAYLIGHT
ADDISON
I knew I only had to put up with him for one night at work. I was fully aware that he was spending from Friday lunchtime at the hotel for the rehearsal and family meal, but that didn't mean I wasn't a nervous wreck walking into the studio Thursday afternoon. I'd heard nothing from him, not that I was really expecting to. But the warning he gave me before walking out of my apartment is still on repeat in my head, and something kept telling me that he'd be back or get in touch. As it is, it's been radio silence. I hate to admit it, but it's driving me crazy. Every time I hear someone walk down the hallway outside my front door, my heart jumps into my chest thinking it's him. Every time there's a creak or a bang I assume it's him somehow letting himself in. But nothing. No contact, no visits.
I have no idea what to expect tonight. He's been so hard to predict this far, so who knows what side of Zed Necrodopolus I'm going to get. I can only hope it's not the asshole, although I can't help thinking that him being a dick will help convince my body that we don't need him.
As it turns out, I see him once all night. He appears from his room at some point towards the end of my shift to use the restroom, and that's the only time he emerges. Equally, I don't bother delivering him any food or drinks, assuming that if he wanted something he would ask.
I might hear the door open, but I don't need to. I can feel the second his eyes land on me. My skin burns and something beneath begins to tingle. He's not even in touching distance and it's like he has total control of my body.
I fight the pull, but eventually, it gets too much and I'm forced to look up. Only, when I do look to where I know he is, he's moved and has his back to me as he walks away.
My stomach drops at not being able to look into his eyes and know how he's feeling. I need to know if this thing between us is driving him as insane as it is me.
My entire life I've wanted to stay as far away from guys like Zed as possible, but right now, he's consuming every moment of my life. It doesn't matter if it's day or night, he's there in my head, taunting me, teasing me, reminding me of just how electric we are together.
I let out a sigh as he disappears behind the door to the bathroom and drag myself to the kitchen so I'm not still sitting there when he comes out. I don't want him to think he's having any effect on me or that his cold shoulder isn't making me scheme up ways to get us alone just so I can get what my body's craving.
As frustrating as Thursday night is knowing that he's only on the other side of the wall, it's got nothing on Friday night. The studio without him is just wrong. The second I step into the building it's like there's something missing. I know we might avoid each other on the best of days, but even still, his presence is here. But today the place just feels cold. It doesn't help that it's also an unusually quiet night, so my hours drag. I end up pulling my sketchpad from my bag and mindlessly doodling when I find myself unable to focus on any meaningful task.
"Damn, Addie baby. I think you're sitting in the wrong room with skills like that." I slam my book closed at hearing Bonzo's voice behind me. I was so lost in my own head that I didn't hear or see him appear from his room.
"It's nothing," I wave off, pushing the book away from me and waking up the computer.
"That was not nothing. Let me look."
"Really, I was just messing around. I'm away with the fairies tonight. I can't seem to get my head on straight."
"Awww… You missing him already?"
"Um… what?" I splutter.
"Oh, come on. You think I can't see that you want him as bad as he wants you? I'm still trying to get to the bottom of if you've already bumped uglies. Zed won't tell me shit. But you… you seem much more… open. Up for a bit of gossip if you will," he says with a smirk as he rests his butt against the edge of the desk beside me. His eyes bore into mine as I look up at him.
"Don't you have work to do or something?"
"Yeah… detective work."
I can't help but chuckle when he wiggles his eyebrows at me.
"There's nothing to tell," I lie. "I hate him. He hates me. End of story."
"Bonz, stop giving the girl grief. You piss her off and she might cut all of us off the coffee deliveries like she had the boss," Wynter says, walking through with a handful of mugs.
"Nah, she loves me too much to cut me off, right, Addie baby?"
"I wouldn't use those words exactly," I mutter as I smile at Wynter in a way of thanking her for rescuing me from Bonzo's incessant questions.
Thankfully, the phone starts ringing on the desk. I turn my back on both of them and lift it to my ear.
"Good evening, Zombie Ink. How can I help you?"
"Hey, Addie, it's Eliza. Big man in tonight?"
"Sorry, no. He's at his brother's wedding."
"Damn, that time already? Shit…" she says. I've only spoken to Eliza a few times but she seems like a decent person. She must be if Zed trusts her enough to set her up a studio in LA of all places.
"Time flies when you're having fun," I mutter.
"He still giving you grief?"
"Um…" I pause, wondering if I'd given her an inkling in the past that we don't get along. "What makes you say that?"
"Shit...um… nothing. Listen, I've got to go. Client just walked in. I'll try him again after the weekend. I'm sure he's in his element right now, I'd hate to interrupt that." She laughs, proving that she knows Zed pretty well because I'd put money on him hating every minute of this weekend.
"Okay, no worries. If I can do anything to help, I'm here," I offer in case it's of any use.
"Thanks, Addie, but I think you've already got your hands full over there."
By the time I hang up, I'm alone again. Letting out a sigh, I drag my sketchbook back over and attempt to drown out the silence with the pen hitting the paper.
I barely get a wink of sleep as I toss and turn, trying to imagine what tomorrow might bring. By the time I drag my ass out of bed at the first signs of daylight to get to the salon, I've pretty much decided that I'm going to cancel on Jacey. I know it's last minute and it's a dick move, but I'm not sure I can go through with it.
I pull on a pair of leggings and a sweater dress before leaving. It's a cold morning, but the sky is a stunning blue, and a smile creeps onto my lips knowing that Lacey will wake up this morning the weather she could only dream of for her big day.
I'm the first at the salon. No surprise there, it's only seven on a Saturday morning. I'm booked in for the full works so I look like I'm prepared for the day on the outside, even if my insides are a fucking mess.
"Coffee?" Annie, my hairdresser, asks the second I step through the door.
"Do you even need to ask?" She laughs as she heads out back to make me a cup.
I take a seat at the chair she's pulled out for me and let my hair down from the messy bun I shoved it in when I got up.
"So, all ready for the big day?" she asks, placing the mug on the shelf and running her fingers through my hair.
"Can I get your opinion on something?" I don't know why I ask, it's not like I want to talk about it… about him, but the words fall from my lips nonetheless.
"Shoot." I've known Annie for years. This was the first salon I walked into after the one my mom took me to all my life refused to do something as simple as put some highlights through my hair. Much to my mother's horror, I got up and walked out. I found this place not ten minutes later and Annie happened to have a free slot. The rest, as they say, is history. Although we've never spent any time together outside of this salon, I consider us to be friends, and seeing as she's not really involved in my life, per se, I consider her opinion to be impartial.
I explain all while she twists and twirls my hair. I sent her some images a few days ago but really, as long as it looks pretty and works with the butterfly hair combs I bought, I'm not all that worried about what she does. I trust her.
"So your best friend has no idea you're slamming her brother?"
I groan. "Do you need to say it so bluntly?"
"Just checking that I've got all my facts straight," she says with an innocent smile that makes me roll my eyes.
"So… do I cancel on my date?"
She blows out a breath and slides a few more pins into place. "I want to say yes because he had no idea what he's about to walk into and there's a good chance he doesn't deserve it, but man, Zed sounds like he needs to be taught a lesson, and turning up today with a hot date on your arm could be exactly what he needs."
"But he's also going to find out I've been lying. What the hell have I been thinking?" I drop my head into my hands, forcing Annie to release the lock of my hair she was holding. I should have just been honest with everyone in the first place. When all this is out in the open, I'm the only one who's potentially going to lose. Bree might never forgive me, and Zed… well, I know I probably shouldn't really be all that concerned about what he thinks, but I am.
"You had your reasons. Plus, if he's kept everything from his family like you say, then he'll probably be grateful you didn't spill everything."
"Yeah… I guess."
"And Bree will understand that in a kinda fucked-up way you were protecting him."
I blow out a long breath and reach for my coffee, wishing it were something stronger.
By the time my hair is done and Annie and I have talked each other in circles, I get up and head to the beauty part of the salon to have my nails and make-up done.
I don't reveal my inner turmoil to the magicians working on me. I've only met them both a few times and don't know them well enough for all that. Plus, after spending my entire hair appointment discussing it, I'm done. All I feel now is dread. Whether or not I take Jacey seems almost a moot point right now. As long as I turn up, the shit's going to hit the fan and it's most definitely too late to back out now.
By the time I'm standing at the window in my apartment, waiting for a car to pull up outside, I'm a nervous wreck. I nearly canceled on Jacey at least ten times on the way back from the salon alone. But the thought of walking into that ceremony with no one standing beside me terrifies me.
A silver Mercedes comes to a stop right out front, and my stomach turns over.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I slide my palms down the fabric of my dress and attempt to calm my racing heart. Knowing that I need to get down there before I lock myself in the bathroom and never leave again, I take a step back fro the window, grab my clutch and the wedding gift that's sitting on my coffee table and my small overnight bag, and leave my apartment on shaky legs.
"Whoa… Addie, you look… wow," Jacey says when he meets me in the entrance to my building. His eyes run the length of me but even now, I don't get butterflies like I probably should when he does it.
"You don't scrub up too bad yourself." I take a moment to appreciate him dressed to the nines in a sharp gray suit. No one would ever guess the bad boy stripper that's hiding beneath right now. A little excitement hits me that at least I'm going to be walking around this wedding knowing that the guy every single lady in the room will be eyeing up spends most of his weekend taking his clothes off. I suddenly panic that some of the women for the bachelorette party might recognize him, but when I lift my eyes to his once again and find his neatly styled hair, it settles. He looks like a different person. They were all way too drunk to notice anyway.
"You ready?"
"Yep… Let's do this." He holds the door open for me and I slide in before he joins me.
"Your hands are shaking."
"I'm… uh… just excited to see the bride," I lie.
Our drive to the hotel is mostly in silence, thank god. I'm grateful that Jacey didn't try to spark up too much of a conversation because I'm so nervous right now that there's no way I'll be able to concentrate.
We end up getting stuck in some weekend construction traffic, and when the car finally pulls up in front of the hotel it seems that everyone has already made their way into the hotel ballroom.
I breathe a sigh of relief that I've got at least another hour before Zed spots me.
With Jacey's hand resting on the small of my back, we make our way through the hotel and find ourselves seats towards the back of the room. Everyone around us talks amicably, the excitement in the room palpable as they wait for the bride.
Bucky looks out over the crowd, appearing as cool and calm as ever, but I wonder if that's how he's really feeling on the inside.
I run my eyes over the heads in front of us, searching out a certain green one. On the first pass, I don't see him and I start to wonder if he decided against a day of forced family time, but as I move my eyes back once again I find the bright tips of his hair. My spine stiffens and everything stops. My temperature starts to soar to the point that I wonder if I'm going to pass out as I just stare at the back of his head.
"Addie, are you okay? You're as white as your hair."
Unable to drag my eyes away now that I've found him, I mumble, "I'm good," to Jacey and hope this thing gets started soon as a distraction.
"I know you said it was going to be a lavish affair, but this is beyond what I was imagining. How many guests do they have attending?"
"Um… like, two-fifty now, and something crazy like five hundred for the reception this evening." Totally unnecessary if you ask me, seeing as they eloped in Vegas months ago, but… to each their own.
"Whoa. I'm not sure I know that many people, let alone want them at my wedding," he whispers.
"Right? Not sure I'd be up for all this, to be honest," I admit, although I'm sure it's exactly what my parents imagine when they think about my wedding day, if I ever have one.
"I thought all women wanted this?"
"Not on this scale."
I want to say more, but Zed turns in his seat and looks towards the back of the room. My breath catches in my throat that he's going to have felt me looking at him, that he knows I'm here. It's crazy, I know, but my irrational mind won't stop picturing him marching right up here and throwing me out in front of everyone.
But as I should expect, he never actually looks at me. Instead, he just winks at someone behind me and turns back around.
I'm desperate to see more of him, but all I get is his face in the crowd. I want to get a look at a suited and booted Zed before he realizes I'm here. I've only ever met the bad boy, I want to experience this other side of him that he hates so much.
Before long, everyone has found themselves a seat, and the music changes. Bucky turns so his back is to us, but the tension in his shoulders is obvious as he waits for his bride.
After an excruciating minute or two, the doors behind us open and in walks Lacey's bridesmaids, all dressed in stunning pink gowns.
All heads turn toward them before looking at the door. A gasp fills the room the second Lacey appears, but I don't turn to look. I keep my eyes on Bucky. He looks down at his feet as he attempts to keep it together and not turn around, but when Lacey is halfway down the aisle, he loses his fight. His eyes find her immediately, and the love that oozes from them has tears burning my own. He watches her as if she's the only other person in the room. It's mesmerizing to seem, and just like every other single woman in the room, my yearning for that to happen to me only grows even stronger. I want someone who looks at me like I'm his whole world, like I'm his reason for living.
An unsteady sigh passes my lips as I watch her final steps. I jolt like I've been shot when Jacey's warm hand lands on my thigh.
He leans in and whispers, "You're a bit of a romantic, aren't you?"
"Who isn't when they witness that?" I whisper back, not taking my eyes from the couple at the front of the room.
For the whole ceremony, I can't drag my eyes away from them. The little looks they give each other, the slightest of contact as they make their vows… it makes my heart ache. I'm so happy for them, but fuck, I can't deny the jealousy that's raging within me.
I forget all about where we are and what's probably going to happen very soon as they embark on the next part of their lives together.
It feels like no time when they're announcing the new Mr. And Mrs. Necrodopolus, and cheers and congratulations erupt from the crowd and the ecstatic bride and groom make their way towards the back of the room.
"The bride and groom would like to invite you to join them for cocktails in the great room."
Everyone starts moving in the direction the wedding party has all left in. The row we're sitting in empties, yet I stay put, suddenly terrified of what comes next.
Bree winked at me as she walked out, so she knows I'm here. She's going to be waiting for me out there, I know it. But… but… fuck.
"Is everything okay?" Jacey asks, also noticing that we're the only ones left sitting here.
"Yeah… Let's go and get a drink."
This whole thing was a mistake. Being here is a mistake. I should have made some excuse, claimed I got food poisoning from a dodgy take-out last night or something. Anything that would mean I'd be anywhere but here right now.