Andy obediently did as Miranda had told her, and stood motionless next to the table where all her baby shower presents were assembled. She took a deep breath and felt two distinct sensations battle for supremacy in her brain, mortification on making a mess on Nigel's new carpet, and an excited anticipation for what would happen next.
She felt she couldn't have chosen a more embarrassing time and place for her waters to break, but hey, wasn't this the whole point of the event? To extol the virtues of motherhood, and celebrate the imminent arrival of one's baby seemed to be the raison d'être of the whole baby shower thing. If she had to cope with it, then everyone else must also surely just go with the flow.
Thankfully, the actual 'flow' seemed to have stopped now. She just felt as though she'd wet her panties. But the practice uterine contractions she'd been having for several days, now did seem to be getting rather more intense.
It only took seconds for Jenny, Hannah and Emily to crowd round her like a posse of medieval midwives. They seemed to have each cottoned on to the situation simultaneously as Miranda had flown across the room with an expression on her face of such concern that she looked nothing like her normal impassive self. She was flapping about and dithering like a normal woman, no, in fact more than that. Miranda was starting to do an excellent impersonation of a nervous husband.
To fill the void where calm decisions needed to be made, Andy's Mom said. "So, time to move off to hospital maybe? Miranda, you go and fetch your car and bring it to the door, and I'll come out through the side gate with Andy. Emily, will you call Andy's gynaecology unit and warn them we're on the way please. And Hannah…"
"Yes, Mom. Don't worry Andy," said Hannah, "I'll make your apologies to everyone, and clean up the little puddle. Just slip away through the garden room, and let us take care of everything here. I'll collect all your presents and explain the situation to Nigel and Douglas."
So with three wise women, and one distracted wife, aiding and abetting her, Andy's exit from the baby shower was accomplished without anyone else being aware of her absence until she'd gone.
As she heard the sound of Miranda's car accelerate off down the avenue, Hannah went up to Nigel and whispered in his ear. "Sorry, the guest of honour has had to depart. Their baby's on its way. Would you like to make a little announcement to explain?"
Nigel looked shocked, and then triumphant. He loved anything theatrical, and Six had done him proud on that score. The baby-shower had already morphed from being an elegant tea-party into something resembling a speak-easy tea-dance in the Depression, with the tea-cups now filling up with pink gin, and the conversation getting far too giggly and silly for a sedate Sunday afternoon.
He copied Andy's earlier intervention into the chatter, and pinged his glass with a fork, then announced to one and all, that Andy's baby had started to break the bonds of its cosy prison, and a new Priestly child was on the way. Everyone broke into a cheer, apart from two very shocked twelve-year-olds who went red in the face with fury.
"Do you mean she went off without us?"
"Andy and Mom left us behind? But we have to be there! Andy promised!"
Hannah tried to console her nieces, "Yes, I'm sorry they couldn't wait for you, because there wouldn't be room for everyone in the car, and they had to go quickly. But Uncle Harry can take you over to the hospital just as soon as we've cleared up here."
"But we'll miss seeing our baby sister being born!"
"No, it will take hours and hours yet. Only on TV do babies normally come within minutes. But there is something you can do which will really help Andy now, and that is to help us gather up all these presents and load them into our trunk. Then I will make sure you get to the hospital in good time, I promise."
The twins, who usually responded well to Hannah's cool and friendly assertiveness, decided to co-operate and did as she asked. Meanwhile Douglas and Nigel managed gradually to disperse their increasingly tipsy guests, and Hannah organised a little house-keeping task-force to remove all traces of Andy's little accident from the white carpet.
When their wider circle of friends had disappeared, the closer family all sat down on Nigel's comfortable sofas, and took stock. Andy's Dad, who had waited stoically through the birth of his own five children and was already the grandfather of six little ones, still felt a rumble of anxiety, and Momma, for all her bravado, was very worried.
Wasn't this too early? Hadn't Miranda said that April 5th was the due date, twenty days ahead? Andy was secretly her favorite grandchild, in fact her best beloved of the whole family apart from Jenny. She was her little soul-mate, and knowing what she was facing, filled Momma with fear. So she and Richard sat in silent solidarity with each other, not sure what to do next.
Geoff on the other hand, remembered what a calm tower of strength Miranda had been to him and Cindy in those last dangerous hours before Spencer had been born by C-section two years before. His ex-wife would be great as a birthing attendant, he was sure, and he said as much to the others.
He said there was nothing to worry about this time, anyway. Andy had no high blood-pressure issues and was fit as a fiddle. Everything would be fine. Miranda would make sure of that.
As the birthing party arrived at the hospital however, the reality was somewhat different. Andy had a pre-labour rush of adrenalin which enabled her to jump out of the car as soon as they drew up in the priority parking lot outside the main entrance, and she strode off purposely towards the revolving doors under her own steam, expecting Emily, her Mom and Miranda to be following her right behind.
But as she parked the car and switched off the engine, Miranda suddenly had a full-blown panic attack, which surprised and un-nerved her just as much as it did Emily and Jenny. She couldn't move and thought she would pass out. She'd felt the pounding in her ears and the thumping of her heart as she'd been at the wheel, but now she was paralysed with fear, and lost the ability even to speak.
"You follow Andy. I'll take care here," said Emily to Mrs Sachs, not really knowing though how she was going to cope with Miranda.
Jenny, who had seen Miranda suffer similar breakdowns before, reluctantly nodded, and said, "Follow us inside as soon as she's ready. There's no rush, I'm sure."
She then said, "Miranda, darling. Deep slow breaths, count to five in and out, remember? You'll be fine. Andy will be fine. She's in good hands. But I'd better go and help check her in."
Miranda still had her hands gripped on to the steering wheel. She felt nauseous as well as breathless, and wondered if she was going to pass out. Her face was as white as a sheet.
Emily who had been in the back seat, jumped out, opened the driver's door and pulled her ex-boss bodily out of the driving seat. Miranda looked at her as if she was a complete stranger for a moment or two, then common sense penetrated the swirling mists of panic, and she began to come back into herself.
"Deep breaths, in and out," said Emily, following Andy's mom's advice. She decided to act like a grown-up, and pulled Miranda's slim shoulders towards her, giving her a proper hug, and rubbing her back, and miraculously Miranda allowed her to do it. In fact she clung to her like a drowning soul. Only once before, when Miranda had told Emily the truth about her sanctimonious father had they ever embraced like this, and then it had been Miranda who'd been doing all the comforting.
Miranda was simply grateful there was someone with her, someone who at least had a vague idea of what Andrea meant to her. Just as she'd been stricken on the morning of their wedding, overwhelmed with the immensity of her love for the girl, and her dependence on her for happiness, so she was now.
She struggled to regain control, realising how pathetic it was that at the one time Andrea needed calm reassurance, she should be letting her down so badly, with a stupid, irrational panic attack. But she couldn't help it, and she needed Emily's support to act anything like a sensible person, let alone be a proper wife.
"Come with me, Miranda," said Emily firmly. "Let's go and get a coffee, while you settle. Then we can go and find Andy, and you can do the birthing partner thing you've been practising for all these months."
Miranda nodded, but when they were sitting in the coffee-bar by the entrance foyer, and Emily had quickly fetched them a couple of coffees from the machine, she felt she had to confess.
"I haven't been practising. That's the point, I've been a complete wash-out on that front. I haven't even been to many of the pre-natal partner coaching sessions with her. I was so tied up with Runway that I missed four sessions out of six. I was so arrogant, I assumed it would all come naturally, and I could just sit by her and give her sound advice. But look at me now, Emily. I haven't even been able to make it as far as the elevator. If Jenny wasn't here, Andy would be all alone. I'm a complete failure, and I feel such a fraud."
"Andy seemed in control and OK anyway, so I won't tell her, if you don't. We'll get up to the gyny unit in a few minutes, and then you'll be back to being the Miranda Priestly she knows and loves. I kind of understand, anyway. If Serena was going into labour, I'm sure I'd be equally freaked out."
"No you wouldn't. You might be hysterical, Emily, but you would still be able to breathe, and you'd be there. You wouldn't abandon her just when she needed you most."
"So, finish your coffee, and let's go up. Your colour's come back and you look as beautiful as always. At this rate, you'll have all the medics up there, male and female, being envious of Andy."
"Emily Charlton! Are you flirting with me?" Miranda coughed, and caught her breath. She found she could breathe normally once more.
"Yes. Of course. You know you like it when people say nice things to you, and Andy won't mind. She'll be pleased I've cheered you up. Now are you ready to help Andy have your baby? It's time we moved."
Miranda, astonished at how far Emily had moved on from the panicky young assistant of three years before, nodded, and stood up.
"Do you remember when we were last here?" she said, as they crossed the immense concourse of the hospital. "It was when Andy was mugged and had that bang on her head. I thought I'd die then…I was so worried. Maybe I've just had a flash-back."
"Well, this time it's different. No-one's hurt. Andrea's having a baby, that's all. Come on. Chop-chop!"
And Emily escorted her celebrity companion through the crowds into the elevator. It was the first time in her life she had ever shared a ride with Miranda, and it definitely still felt weird. But by the time they reached the right floor, Miranda was back to normal, and swung out in front of her through the opening doors like her old, normal, arrogant self.
"Come along, Emily! Don't dawdle!"
And Emily had to run to catch her up, a huge grin on her face. Now, the only problem left to solve was where to find Andrea.
Andy had marched into the hospital bravely enough, but as soon as she was faced with the bewildering number of signs her courage faltered and she waited for the others to catch up. Only her mother arrived, just behind her, and whispered, "Miranda's having a bit of a moment. Don't worry. She'll join us soon."
She asked directions to the gynaecology unit and led Andy towards the bank of elevators.
"Are you still feeling OK? Would you like a wheel chair?"
"I'm sure I'll be fine," Andy replied. But by the time they had risen four floors and then taken a long walk down a corridor, she was beginning to wonder. When they reached the reception desk of the birthing area, she was doubled up with pain, and the nursing attendants quickly cottoned on, and led her straight into a private room with a bed.
Jenny dealt with the paperwork and admin at the reception desk. Then she helped Andy take off her shoes and shed most of her clothes and lie down on the high bed.
"A doctor will be in shortly to see how you are and assess the state of play," said Jenny.
Andy was recovering from the contraction, and said, "Maybe we need to time them. I have actually been feeling smaller but similar pains to this all day. I thought they were those Braxton Hicks things you read about, but this was definitely intense."
She relaxed for a few moments, and then wondered why Miranda wasn't there.
"You said she was having a 'moment'. Where is she, Mom? I need her here." Then her whole belly was wracked with another contraction, and she struggled to breathe through it.
The doctor appeared at that point, along with a midwife, and together they lifted her bed-sheet and gave Andy an examination to see how dilated her cervix was.
"You've made it here just about in good time," smiled the doctor, a pretty young woman, who seemed younger than Andy. "This baby's well on its way."
"The twins, the twins wanted to be here for the birth! I can't go ahead without them. They'll never forgive me!"
"It may be out of your hands," said the midwife. "Now, what analgesics would you like?"
"Nothing which will affect how my baby feels," said Andy feeling brave. But then she remembered how normally stoical Hannah had screamed and hollered during Johnny's birth, and afterwards had said, "Whatever they offer, say yes! That's my best advice."
So she amended her answer to, "Well, what do you suggest, short of knocking me out completely?" And they went off to summon an anaesthetist.
Just then Miranda came into the room, and ran over to the bed. Andrea was astonished to see huge tears threatening to spill out of those stormy blue eyes.
"Hey? What's this all about then? We're having a baby, that's all. Easy Peasy. And now you're here, I'm just fine."
She reached up and took Miranda's hand and squeezed her fingers. Miranda sat on the bed next to her and gently moved her hair back from her face.
"I'm sorry, my love. I had a wobble, that's all. But I'm here and I'm not leaving."
"What about Caroline and Cassidy? You know I promised I wouldn't give birth without them."
"I expect their father or Harry will bring them soon. But they are rather young for all this. Supposing it scares them, if you start screaming?"
"I won't scream!"
"Don't count on it. I screamed. I screamed a lot at the end. But then I did have to go through it twice in under an hour."
"Yes, you did. You are amazing."
"No I'm not."
"Yes you are," then Andy's face screwed up in pain.
"Holy Crap! That hurt!"
Jenny, who'd be timing the contractions, turned to Emily and said, "If Andy wants the twins here, maybe you should call Hannah and tell her to get a move on. Those contractions are at least every three minutes now." And Emily went to make the call.
The next few hours descended into a dark red tunnel for Andy as an injection of pethidine and a mask with some sort of inhalant took the top edge off her really violent labour pains. She heard the twins arrive in the outer room with Hannah and Harry, and vaguely gathered that people were coming and going, as she sweated and panted her way through labour.
Miranda, by now gowned up, held her hand throughout, and walked with her as the medics moved her into the final labour ward. It all seemed to be bright lights, the constant beeping of machines, one of which was attached by a little sticker onto her baby's head as she began to slowly work her way through the birth canal. Giving birth in the hospital seemed very mechanical and electrical, but she knew this was going to be down to her in the end. This was her choice, and her responsibility. There was no turning back.
The final struggle to give birth did result in someone screaming. Andy suspected it was her, even though it seemed to come from outside herself. But then, even as she felt she was passing a melon, she heard that most wonderful of sounds in the whole world, the little cry of a new-born baby, and realised she done it! She'd had her baby!
Miranda was handed the clippers to cut the cord, and snipped their little one's last connection with Andy's body. Then, the twins were allowed to come forward and watch in awe as she was wrapped in a white cotton cloth and placed on Andy's chest. Miranda put her arms round all of them, and whispered, "Say hello to your sisters and your Mommy, Amelia. Welcome to the world."
"She's magical," breathed Caroline, immediately falling deeply and irrevocably in love, and Cassidy gently touched the tiny fingers and said, "Hi, Amelia. Sorry about the red hair. But we'll teach you how to cope with the teasing, don't worry."
Amelia, weighing eight and a half pounds, even though she was born nearly three weeks early, looked up at her family with unfocused but stunning blue eyes, a little quiff of ginger hair above her very red face. She looked like a boxer who had been through ten rounds, but, as Miranda said, she'd soon recover from the ordeal of being born, and turn pink and beautiful.
Andy didn't care. She simply cradled her baby daughter, and worshipped her. She had no words, simply looked up into Miranda's eyes, and whispered, "Thank you."
Miranda kissed her, and then tenderly kissed their little girl, their child born in the spring. She didn't hope for, nor could she imagine, any greater joy.