Chapter 10
Thick ash fell all around Katara, sticking into her hair, getting into her eyes, nose and mouth as ran across the rapidly blackening snow, trying to keep up with her father. "Kya! Kya, hold on!" he shouted, running while dodging his fellow Southern Water Tribe warriors, dealing with the stragglers of the Fire Nation raid. "We're coming!" He reached their igloo and burst through the flap covering the entrance. Katara was still trying to catch up with her father when she froze, hearing the scream of pain and rage coming from the igloo.
Frightened, yet unable to stop, Katara slowly walked up to the entrance. The cover of heavy fabric had been partly tossed aside by her father rushing inside, and Katara could see a little of the state of their igloo. Everything was blackened, covered with ash and soot, even worse than the snow outside. Her father was kneeling next to something... but that couldn't be mommy? It was far too small and didn't look at all like her, but why was daddy crying like that? And what was that horrible smell, almost like when mommy sometimes burned the dinner, only much, much worse?
"Katara! Katara, for the love of the moon spirit, don't come inside!" she heard her father shouting at her. "Whatever you do, please remain outside!"
Katara hesitated, but her curiosity was too strong to obey her father's orders. She pulled the flap apart and stepped inside. Katara blinked, finding neither Hakoda, nor her mother. Instead, that horrid Southern Raider leader, Yon Rha, stood with his back turned to her. He slowly turned towards her with a menacing laugh, making Katara shrink back, pressing against the wall of the igloo in horror, but then something seemed to shift yet again. She felt herself stretch and grow, while Yon Rha seemed to shrink into a figure of a similar height to her, only marginally taller. And he no longer wore the face of Yon Ra, no... instead, she was staring into the face of Zuko, looking at her with a pensive, sympathetic stare.
"I should have killed that man when I had the chance!" Katara heard herself exclaim, an angry and hateful cry. "I should have killed Yon Rha! Maybe then I could have had my closure!"
"You don't really believe that, Katara," Zuko smiled at her. "Fire has burned you in the past. It has hurt you terribly," he spoke, placing his hands on his chest. "But in the end, fire is what can and will heal you. Fire will set you free," Zuko spoke calmly, taking a step towards her. He removed his hands from his chest and reached out towards her, pressing his open palms against her chest. A soothing warmth immediately spread through Katara and she melded into his touch, seeking more and more of the cleansing flame. His palms moved from her chest all the way around her back, drawing her into his embrace. She felt her fears, her grief, her most painful memories of the past turning into kindling to be slowly burned away by this powerful flame that she was drawing from Zuko, gradually building into an all consuming inferno.
It was then that Katara woke up with a startled gasp, for a moment too confused from the vivid dream to realize where she was. I'm on the Ember Island... completely drenched in sweat... and I'm starting to have dreams involving Zuko. This is... spiraling out of control. You're losing it, Katara, get it together!
Having for a while tossed and turned in her bed that suddenly felt too soft and too comfortable, Katara realized that trying to fall asleep again was a doomed effort. She needed some kind of a distraction, so she quickly threw on her swimwear and snuck out of her room and out of the estate, into the courtyard. The moon was bright high above her and Suki had left some of the lanterns around the pool lit, making the courtyard into quite the romantic little corner of the estate. There was absolute silence surrounding her in the dead of the night, even the nature itself surrounding the estate slept firmly. With the estate built on a somewhat more remote side of the island, something that had allowed them to hide there so effectively during the war, barely any sounds drifted over to the estate from the other properties around the island. It all felt as if Katara was the only one restless on Ember Island tonight.
She didn't dwell on that for too long, instead diving head first into the pool, the naturally graceful swimmer that she was, feeling like a fish in her element, water. Katara made slow circles around the pool, swimming on her back so that she could stare at the moonlit, starry sky above her. Ever so slowly, Katara felt her breathing become slow and steady as she gradually calmed herself and felt her thoughts settle into safe and familiar patterns. This is exactly what I needed… just swimming and relaxing and having no thoughts of Zuko… oh no, I just did it again! She grumbled in frustration, increasing the pace of her swimming, trying to catch a different trail of thought, but now that she was trying to make a purposeful effort not to think about Zuko, every stray thought she tried to pick up inevitably led her back to thinking about Zuko.
It seemed as if swimming would not help her obtain the peace of mind she needed to fall asleep again, so Katara climbed out of the pool and decided to try something else. She sat by the pool, nimbly assuming the lotus pose and tried to immerse herself into meditation. Katara knew of at least a dozen different techniques, all serving the purpose of slowing her breathing, calming her mind, clearing her thoughts and helping her achieve inner peace. True, none of these techniques were created for the purpose of countering insistent thoughts regarding a certain charming young Fire Lord, but Katara still felt determined to try everything she could.
Katara attempted several different breathing techniques. In the end, she began to suspect that some of them were designed with the implicit purpose of summoning more persistent thoughts involving Zuko. No, meditating didn't seem to be the answer, either. She had always struggled with patience during meditating sessions, and now her patience was all but completely exhausted. Meditating was something that came more naturally to Aang, and when she was with him, he instilled her with certain calm that made it much easier for her as well. But now Aang was nowhere near and her attempts at meditation failed spectacularly.
She forced herself to think about Aang. That was a dangerous admission already. She had never had to force herself to think about Aang. It was becoming so bad that now she had to make an actual effort to keep her mind on her boyfriend. And even then it wasn't working! To Katara's horror, the mental image of Aang's smiling face began to twist, and his arrow tattoo swirled to become someone else's very familiar facial scar. I'm losing my mind, aren't I? Katara wondered helplessly. Whatever is happening to me, it just won't stop until it consumes me entirely.
Resolving not to give up just yet, Katara decided one last thing before heading back inside where only sleeplessness awaited. She knew that this was most likely a terrible idea because her waterbending always suffered when she was in such emotional turmoil, but on the other hand, the bright full moon high up in the sky made her brimming with untapped power and energy.
Turning to the swimming pool, Katara began with the easiest of forms by drawing tendrils of water from the pool and fluidly shaping it and moving it snaking around her body. Maintaining her focus on the water she was already manipulating, Katara began to draw more and more tendrils of water from the pool, adding to what already was circling around her. When she was almost completely encircled with the swirling streams of water, Katara was satisfied, now starting to peel them off one by one, splitting them into simple but effective water whips, lashing out with precision strikes and allowing the water to collect back into the pool.
Encouraged, she decided to continue with progressively more difficult forms. She shaped several large balls of water, easily rotating them above the pool, coalescing into one huge ball and then splitting it back into smaller balls again. Eventually, she moved the large mass of water above her and then let loose with a powerful jet of water that streamed dozens of yards high up into the air. As the water began to crash back down towards where she stood, Katara nimbly stepped aside and let out a breath of ice, freezing the water as it fell and forming a large chunk of ice, almost like a sculpture. With a gesture of her hand, the frozen water reverted back to its liquid form and streamed back into the pool.
Smiling happily, Katara decided to try something even more complicated. She withdrew a large amount of water from the pool and raised it above her head. She then froze it into a huge block of ice, balancing it above her with the intention to splinter it into hundreds of smaller projectiles of ice and send them crashing back into the pool, like on that fateful occasion on which she had come close to killing that monster, Yon Rha. And I'm not even getting distracted by thoughts of Zuko. Thoughts of Zuko... of Zuko... Zuko...
The block of ice above her shattered prematurely as she lost control over her waterbending, and hundreds of sharp projectiles plummeted towards her. In the very last moment, Katara managed to project an ice shield to cover her head and upper body, but many of the projectiles still managed to strike her feet and shins, some drawing blood and making her grunt in pain.
Katara, you fool, what is wrong with you? She mentally chided herself, quickly gathering some of the water and sitting down next to the pool to mend the broken skin of her legs before anyone had noticed all the racket she had caused and come outside to investigate.
"Katara?" a voice she had been dreading to hear quietly called out to her. So much for being quiet and getting away with it unnoticed. The owner of the voice appeared next to the pool moments later. Zuko had hastily thrown a robe around his shoulders, looking a little disheveled, as well as concerned. "What happened?" he asked, pointing at her legs.
"I, uh... lost control of my waterbending," she admitted reluctantly. At least she had already healed up most of the damage done, and those had been superficial wounds anyway. "What are you doing out here? Please don't tell me I woke you up."
"Well... you were being a little loud," Zuko shrugged. "Waterbending isn't always the most subtle. Anyway, why are you out here waterbending in the middle of the night?"
"I couldn't sleep," Katara mumbled, getting back up to her feet. Her shins didn't hurt as such, she only felt a little sore, which was very fortunate. That little accident could have turned out much worse and she knew it.
"I hear that a lot from you lately," Zuko remarked. When did he become so annoyingly perceptive? Katara wondered. "I am starting to get concerned about you, Katara."
"Don't, really," Katara tried to brush him off. "It's not a big deal. It's just being in a new place, it takes time to get used to, you know?"
"Mhm," Zuko frowned, looking like he didn't quite believe her. Katara didn't blame him, she knew that she was the world's least convincing liar, but she just couldn't help herself. "You would tell me if there was something bothering you, right?"
"Of course I would!" Katara exclaimed. "But there's nothing wrong, so you can relax. Let's just go back to be-... to our respective beds," she corrected herself desperately. Zuko's eyebrows rose a little at her faux pas.
"I'm sorry... I know I'm being a pain," he let out a sigh. "I just can't help feeling that there's something eating away at you, and I want to help."
"You're not being a pain at all," Katara smiled as she moved to quickly reassure him. "You're being very sweet and caring. Thank you, Zuko."
He smiled back at her. "You know, Katara... there are things about you that only I know of," he said earnestly, moving a step closer and taking her hand in his, brushing an errant strand of hair away from her brow with his other hand. "Those secrets will stay with me and only me until the end of my days. I hope that is proof enough that you can trust me."
Katara looked up into his eyes, so full of genuine concern and emotion. He was so damnably attentive, caring, charming and handsome. It was becoming too much for Katara to handle and she felt something breaking inside of her, something that had held her back for the past few days. She placed her other hand on his shoulder, rose on her toes slightly towards him... and placed a kiss firmly onto his lips.
It wasn't just a chaste peck, not at all. This was a kiss full of raging emotions and withheld passion. Once Zuko had recovered from the surprise, he began to kiss her back with equal passion, about to wrap his arms around her and pull her into a tight embrace, but at the last moment, Katara snapped back to reality and dodged out of the embrace.
Without looking at Zuko, Katara ran right past him and into the estate, dashing straight for her room. Once inside, she slammed the door shut and leaned with her back against the door, slowly sliding downwards and remaining crumpled on the floor, shocked by what she had just done.