AN: So I have tried my best to progress their relationship as realistically as possible throughout this series, balancing big events with day to day, highs and lows. As we near the end, these next chapters are designed to address the one thing I feel has been hanging between them since the beginning. In this, they face their final challenge.

MERLIN101010101101010101MERLIN

"Mithian..."

"Arthur, please!" the Princess begged him. "My father is not the man he once was, and with my husband dead, I need this! It's the only chance I have to bring change to this Kingdom as you have done in yours! What wouldn't you give for Camelot? What haven't you?" she cried out. "Why do you assume I would do any less for Nemeth?"

"I have already given Camelot everything that was ever dear to me, Mithian!" Arthur shouted angrily. "I will not give more! Hundreds of men lost life and limb to re-take Nemeth for you! What right do you have to ask for more still?"

"I'm asking you because I trust you, because I understand you..."

"Obviously you don't!" Arthur hissed. There was a clear warning in his tone. She needed to stop. Arthur was right. She didn't understand him, what drove him, what sort of justice, the strong sense of duty, he demanded of himself. No, every word she spat at the vibrating King proved just how little she knew the man she was facing.

"It's the only way for me. I need a strong alliance!" Too far. She was pushing him too far. But she wasn't picking up the palpable waves of borderline violence that were coming from the King. Arthur was nearing his limit.

"There are dozens of perfectly suitable... and single... leaders waiting just a few rooms down the hall! Choose one of them!" Arthur yelled angrily. "How dare you even consider asking this of me!" Fury worked its way through every part of him, and he shook with it even as he paced the room, his battle blood heating with every step. He valued their friendship immensely, and he had come without hesitation when she called for help. But to ask this of him... "You, of all people, know why you can't ask this of me!"

Mithian hissed in equal frustration, easily pitting her own strong will against his. Not the way. There was no way this could end well. It had gone too far. So much would be lost from this.

"All of whom will want to be King! I don't need another man seeking power at my side, Arthur. I need a political alliance! You are the only one I can ask this of. The only one I can be absolutely sure of!" Mithian insisted. "You won't consider proposals to you because you don't want a woman to supplant Gwen's place as Queen. All I'm asking for is the same!"

"That's entirely different!" Arthur raged at her. On so many levels, it was different! But she didn't know that. Couldn't. There was no way to explain it.

"It's not!" she insisted. And then she made her deadly mistake. She turned imploringly to the younger man sitting quietly in a chair in the corner, missing his involuntary flinch when she spoke. "Merlin..."

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Arthur roared in rage as he whirled to face her, and she was lucky he didn't have a sword in his hand. He would have killed her with a single blow, the red haze blacking out his vision, his ability to see anything other than an enemy. As it was, the only thing that stayed his hand from striking her down was Merlin throwing himself in between them so fast neither would ever be able to recall seeing him move.

"Arthur, don't!" Merlin called out forcefully, spreading his arms wide to automatically make himself a bigger target than the Princess, closing his eyes to protect them and turning his head so his cheek would take the blow. It would shatter bone, but it wouldn't kill him. He knew his King, knew his lover- knew the temper that both sides were capable of. That battle rage recognized neither friend nor foe, knew it wouldn't hold back its strength. This was the haze that had pitted a Prince against his own father. He braced himself but never flinched as he felt the breeze of the strike, surprised when it stopped a hairs breadth from the side of his face.

He opened his eyes again to see Arthur's hovering fist close to his cheek, the King sucking in ragged breaths as he fought to control himself, his face pale and slicked with sweat as he registered who it was he had almost hit. Lowering his now shaking hand, Arthur began to gasp, choking on the panic rising in him, and he stumbled back.

Merlin glanced back at Mithian behind him. "You need to go... now," he ordered calmly. She started shake her head, not ready to give up her request, but he shot her a hard glare, letting his eyes flash gold, shoving her just enough to frighten her, to get her moving. "He'll kill you. Leave," he yelled at her with all the command of the powerful sorcerer he was in his voice, entirely serious. If she stayed, she'd keep at it, push his warrior over the finite edge of his control. He couldn't allow that, and he didn't have the resources available to him at the moment to prevent it.

He was grateful when she was smart enough to flee the room as quickly as she could move, watched her go, his heart breaking for the friendships that had been lost here, today. Arthur would never forgive her. He lowered his arms down now, moving slowly toward his struggling lover who had fallen to one knee, desperately trying to pull air into starving lungs. "Arthur, it's all right," he soothed.

"'s not..."

"Yes, it is. Come on, breathe with me," Merlin encouraged, kneeling in front of his beloved, knowing enough to keep his movements small. Arthur had never dealt well with fury or panic and they could alternate quickly. It's why he had sent the Princess away. She very well could have triggered a switch, and there would be no coming back from that. As it was, Merlin had barely succeeded in reaching a part of his King in time.

"It's alright," he murmured, carefully reaching out a hand to touch the trembling shoulder, thankful the man didn't have armor on. "Shhhhh... everything is alright. You need to calm down."

"C'n't..."

"You can, Arthur, I know you can. You're starting to turn an unattractive shade of blue. I need you to breathe," Merlin insisted. He gently pulled Arthur's hand to his own chest, something they had done often for each other when overwhelmed. "With me, my love," Merlin said quietly, taking deep breaths in and out, deliberately over-expanding his own chest a little.

Slowly, Arthur matched his breathing to that of his lover. The intake helped to clear his mind, the haze edging out, reducing the energy he was spending trying to keep control. In, and out. He let himself focus on the voice guiding him through. He registered Merlin's firm but gentle hand on his shoulder, holding him steady, even as he started to shake. He'd almost... that blow would have shattered... and Merlin hadn't even flinched... hadn't hesitated...

Merlin saw the change immediately, his eyes casting around until he found a bucket, flashing gold and getting it under his lover just before Arthur leaned over and vomited. He sighed, thankful that the scary part was over. Shock he could deal with. Waiting for Arthur's body to decide if it was going to breathe or lash out again was something else. "It's alright," he continued, rubbing Arthur's back.

"Merlin," Arthur whispered, sitting back once he was finished, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. The boys' eyes flashed gold again, sending the bucket away from them. Without hesitating, Merlin tucked himself under Arthur's arm, and the King tightened his hold. He used his other shaking hand to grab his Consort's chin, turning the face from side to side, needing to make sure he hadn't actually connected.

"I'm here, Arthur," Merlin answered, letting himself be manhandled. He knew how much his King needed this. "You didn't hit me, I'm alright." It was the final piece to calming him. They sat in silence, lacing their hands together. Merlin let the fingers of his free hand dance over their joined ones, physically reminding his King he was there, unharmed. They sat until slowly, Arthur's muscles began to stop shaking, until his ragged breathing eased. He breathed a sigh of relief, however, when Arthur dropped a kiss to the top of his head. "You with me?" Merlin asked.

"I'm sorry, Merlin," Arthur whispered. "I don't know what came over me."

"I do. Arthur, it's fine. No one was hurt. Though you gave Mithian quite a scare," Merlin chuckled.

"This isn't funny, Merlin," Arthur growled.

Merlin sighed. "No, no it's not. Come then. Let's get out of here." He stood, offering his hands, pulling his lover off the floor. For a brief moment he considered disposing of the bucket, but dismissed it. He needed to Arthur back to their chambers before the Princess decided she'd gotten over her fright.

Thankfully, it was only a few doors down, and they got inside without coming across anyone. Merlin was slightly concerned about the odd shudder that went through his lover, and how easy he was to maneuver- both clear indications the man wasn't yet fully aware. Sitting him on the edge of the bed, Merlin gathered what he needed and returned to him, expertly changing him out the soiled tunic for a clean one before Arthur had a chance to register anything. Then went to get him a cup of water from the table, thankful Ian knew enough to always leave a filled pitcher in it.

"Here."

Arthur looked up to see Merlin holding a goblet out to him, along with a small bowl. He accepted it gratefully, taking a sip and swishing out his mouth, spitting into the bowl. Merlin handed him the towel that had been over his arm to wipe his mouth with, taking the bowl back over. Arthur watched him, fingering the clean shirt he didn't really remember his lover changing him into. It was reminiscent of the days the boy had been his manservant. How long since he'd thought of the young man in association with that word? Despite the fine dark blue linens Merlin wore today, his entire stature reminded the King of the nervous sixteen year old boy who had first come to Camelot.

"I didn't mean to frighten you," he apologized softly. And, wait for it… there, that deep intake of breath, the slight squaring of tense shoulders, a fake smile plastered firmly on his face as he turned around. All classic Merlin behavior, and oh so familiar of the old days. It made him feel guilty all over again for the awful way he'd always treated the servant.

"You didn't."

"You're a terrible liar, Merlin. Always have been. It's a good thing I did know about your magic, you know. Do you have any idea how many times I had to cover for you?" Arthur snorted, baiting him, daring him to confirm his suspicions.

"About as often as I had to use it in the first place to get your royal ass out of trouble," Merlin replied instantly without missing a beat. The King recognized the old defensive tone, too, the one that only came out when Merlin was protecting himself.

"Merlin, come here, please?" Arthur requested with a sigh, holding out his hand, pulling his lover onto his lap as he obeyed, wrapping his arms around him. They'd come so far from those days, and this return alarmed him. He didn't like it. The nearly palpable aura of power that had surrounded the warlock daily since he'd been allowed to openly practice his craft had somehow been subdued in this reappearance of the old servant, and he found he missed it. He loved everything the confident, authoritative, younger man had become over the years. He put his forehead on the bony shoulder. "I truly am sorry."

He breathed a sigh of relief when his lover finally relaxed into him, wrapped long arms around him, propping his chin on top of his head. "You really didn't frighten me, Arthur," Merlin reassured him. And for a moment Arthur let himself believe him, but then the younger man pushed himself up from his lap, walking over to the window.

"Then what's wrong?" Arthur asked, standing as well. He hated it when Merlin wrapped his arms around himself like that, like he was trying to hold in a world of pain, to keep it safely inside him where it wouldn't hurt anyone else. It was a pose he hadn't seen in some time, and cursed Mithian for bringing about now. "And don't tell me 'nothing'. We both know I won't believe it," he added, moving to stand next to the warlock. Arthur was surprised when he saw tears on the younger man's face. "Merlin, please," he pleaded. "Talk to me."

"We've never talked about your duties," Merlin started, taking a deep breath, glancing at his King. "I always knew, of course, that someday you'd have to marry. You're a King. You have responsibilities and I knew that."

"Merlin-"

"I can't give you children, Arthur. And as a King, that's pretty important. I knew this day would come. For some time now, I've known this exact day was coming. It's why I insisted on coming with you today, you know. I knew what would happen, how far she'd push you."

Arthur frowned, remembering his conversation with the Dragon. "You saw this in the Caves."

Merlin nodded, turning his head now to fully meet his King's eyes. "I'm sorry, Arthur. I wanted to be stronger than this." He offered a tremulous smile. "Turns out knowing it was coming and being actually in it are two different things. I think it was easier when I knew we were going to die."

Arthur sighed. "This has been on your mind since we woke up."

"The Caves… they offer so many paths. Every decision changes them. By itself, it wasn't enough, not after what we went through before- you have to know I'd never put us through that again, Arthur. But when I was fighting Morgana, when I was everything, everyone and everywhere at once… I saw it again, how this had to play out. The consequences of it not are darker than you can ever imagine, Arthur."

"I'm not marrying Mithian!" Arthur growled, angrily. "No, Merlin!" He held up a firm finger to forestall the objection. "It's not going to happen!"

"But it is," Merlin answered softly, his heartbreak clear in his voice even as it blended with conviction. "Because it has to. Magic has given you one chance to have everything you ever wanted. This is it."

"You're everything I ever wanted," Arthur insisted stubbornly.

Merlin smiled sadly at him, nodding. "I know. And you're everything to me. But if there's one thing we both know down to our cores, it's that there are things greater than us, greater than our wants."

Arthur pushed himself off the wall he'd been leaning on in aggravation, pacing into the room. "Do you realize I almost killed her? With my bare hands no less. And you expect me to marry her? And bed her?" He shuddered in disgust.

She knew how close they were, how much Arthur loved this man, and still had asked. Not only for daring to beg for his hand in marriage, but for doing it in front of Merlin! In his rage it had felt like a dagger into the close friendship she shared with his lover. The ultimate betrayal. That, he had to admit in hindsight, was what had likely caused his blackout. Not what she wanted, nor even how hard she pushed him. But when she'd turned to involve the one person most likely to be hurt by it for help, it had been too much. Merlin's flinch had called up every protective instinct he had over the younger man, and it had mixed- badly- with his fury at her audacity. He'd seen that haze only once before- when Merlin had to stop him from killing his father.

"I know."

"You don't!"

"This time, Arthur, I really do," Merlin replied confidently. "Destinies are troublesome things," he smiled gently. He shot a glance over to the sword that still lay on the desk from this morning, tossed on it casually when he'd insisted they were perfectly safe inside the castle. "Why do you think I wouldn't let you wear that today? Have I ever said anything about it before?"

Arthur went white, putting a hand to his stomach as he leaned forward slightly as the realization hit him hard. Never. Merlin had never, in all their years, questioned him on wearing a sword at his hip, indoor or out. How had he not picked up on it this morning? He'd been so happy that Merlin was strong enough to be up and about, especially after having only woken for the first time yesterday morning. The warlock had insisted, and had even managed to fool the quick scan Arthur had instinctively used the Bond to conduct, that he was tired of being in bed, that he felt fine. Arthur had been so pleased to have the warlock at his side again...

Instinctively, Arthur slipped into it, took a much closer look past the illusions Merlin had thrown up. Lingering weakness, exhaustion, sadness, pain came back to him. This was crushing the boy, and he wasn't nearly as well as he'd been portraying. Another day, maybe two, and he would have been just fine. But not so soon, not like when he'd woken, refreshed and full of energy. Why hadn't he looked closer? Why hadn't his natural distrust of Merlin's use of the word 'fine' warned him?

"Oh gods, Merlin," he groaned, closing his eyes. "Do you understand what this lie could have done to us? If I'd hit you, in your condition…" The blow had been designed to kill. Even the precautions Merlin had take to prevent that wouldn't have been enough to save him from serious damage. Weakened as he was, the magic to soften the blow without damaging Arthur wouldn't have been available to him, and without that guarantee in place, he'd never cast what little he could. He had moved between them knowing he was powerless.

"But you didn't. There was a good chance you'd stop. I had no choice, Arthur. This had to happen as it did!"

"You gambled a lot on 'a good chance'!" Arthur accused angrily, but he couldn't maintain it, and he deflated. "Why didn't you tell me? I thought we agreed no more secrets."

"Says the man who kept a dragon egg in a chest in his room for years," Merlin snorted. "An ordinary chest that no one, not even me, ever took a second glance at. I think I might have dusted it every once in a while, but it was under your Armor chest, which was too heavy to move. Clever, by the way. All those years, a dragon egg kept right under the nose of a Dragonlord. I was impressed."

Arthur blinked. "You knew about that?" Of course Merlin knew about the egg now, but he'd never told the younger man where he'd kept it hidden, and he'd sworn Gwaine to secrecy. Adding for extra measure that it might, somehow, be dangerous for Merlin to ever know. It had been an outright lie, of course, but enough to keep the Knight's lips sealed in even his drunkest state.

"Not until the battle with Morgana. I know you were the bridge, Arthur- I clearly remember reaching through you- but I went so much further than even you know." He smiled at his King to dispel the flash of worry that was clear in Arthur's expression. "The shields you built are holding, I swear. Most of it is contained and I can't access it, as it needs to be to keep me here, in the now. Some events, however, stayed clear. Sometimes bits of knowledge bubbles up. When you told me about Aithusa healing us, I remembered."

"Last night," Arthur recalled. "You… drifted… for a while, after we talked." He'd been terrified his shields had failed, no matter how often the Bond had reassured him they were still perfectly in place. It had become a nearly daily habit to reinforce them whether it was needed or not. He hadn't pressed it since Merlin had come out of it himself, asking him questions about his time with the little dragon, enjoying the stories Arthur told of the tiny thing terrorizing the staff and guards, laughing at the ongoing war between his manservant and the creature. It had taken him days to truly come back to himself. Merlin had been awake for merely hours.

"I was seeing today. One path when I didn't go with you, and the other where I did. Trust me. As upsetting as it was, it could have gone so much worse."

Arthur sighed. "Then I'd say we're fairly even in the secret department," he admitted. "Unless you have more?"

Merlin found it in himself to laugh. "I'm magic, Arthur. I spent time as a vessel for the very essence of creation itself. I'm always going to have secrets, I think, things I can't explain, even to you, who took part of the journey with me. You do too. You never told me how you built the Link in the first place. I doubt you could explain it even if you wanted to," he offered gently. "And your own experience as the bridge... sometimes you say things, Arthur, that makes me think things bubble up for you, too."

Arthur opened his mouth to reply, then nodded, realizing his lover was right. "Alright, that's fair enough. So. You want me to marry Mithian?" He still despised the idea. Everything about it cut him to the core.

"I recognize that it's your duty to do so. It's the only way to get the child of your bloodline." It was as close to answering Arthur's question as he dared come. The truth would break them both.

"Kilgharrah said Pendragon men were cursed. That I'd need a vessel." Arthur laughed then, shaking his head as he ran a hand through his hair, everything coming together for him. "A vessel!" Bloody hell! Was there no end to the cruelty of their destiny? "That's you, then, is it?" He held up his hand, stalling Merlin's answer. "Of course it is. Because you haven't been hurt enough throughout all of this, let's add this bit too, shall we? Just to make sure we crush absolutely everything."

"As you acted as my bridge, now I must act as yours," Merlin answered quietly. "I, and I alone, have this ability. This isn't simply magic- this is a part of everything I became, everything I held in the palm of my hand for a time. Through it, I can temporarily overcome your curse, as well as heal Mithian's womb. I'm not the only one being hurt in this, Arthur. This will be the only child she'll ever have."

Arthur couldn't find it in himself to care much of her loss in all this. He would have killed the woman only an hour ago. And while he would never forsake his duties to their alliance, that friendship that they'd shared was over. He had his own list of unforgiveable sins, and her betrayal- whether consciously done or not- of Merlin was high on that list. The idea of lying with her physically sickened him. He was absolutely not his father to make deals, however.

"This isn't like you mother, Arthur," Merlin spoke up, as if reading his thoughts. "There is no life for life bargain here. We're not creating from nothing, I'm simply creating a bubble of protection, of healing. It's temporary, and serves this single purpose. You'll never have another either, Arthur," Merlin told him, his expression genuinely pained. "One chance, and one only. That was made very clear to me."

Arthur sighed, feeling lost, torn between the weight of duty, and the crushing blow this was aiming at his heart. Why could the two never seem to match up? He felt lonely, suddenly, standing in the middle of the room while he wrestled with this. He moved to his warlock, intending to wrap his arms around him, then hesitated, for the first time unsure if his touch would be unwanted. He didn't want to hurt his lover any further, and this discussion was apparently far from over.

Merlin took the choice from him, leaning back into him, sighing contentedly when Arthur's arm instinctively went around him. "I need your strength for this, Arthur," he whispered miserably. "It was always easy for me to sacrifice my life. I've never been good with sacrificing my heart."

Arthur held him tighter, and the feeling helped cement the decision that was in his heart. "There is no part of me that wants this, Merlin. I know what you've seen, I know what the dragon told me. And I have to tell you, even with all of that, I don't care. I'll name an heir. There are babies being born every day, and I can adopt one. It's been done before, and will likely be again- the royal bloodlines are never quite as pure as we'd like the people to believe. I've long since made my peace with being the last of the Pendragon Dynasty. I don't feel either of us owe Albion any more than we've already given."

Merlin shook his head. "You don't mean that."

Arthur turned his face to nuzzle the warlock's ear. "But I do, with all my heart, I do. These years we've been together, I've spent more time trying to keep you alive than making love to you. You've actually died twice, and me once. When we were given this last chance, I thought that finally, we'd earned this time to just be us. Love, you need to hear me. I absolutely will not do this if there is any chance- however small- it will break us. I don't want you torturing yourself with it in the years ahead, either. On my honor, my duty to Albion is done, as far as I'm concerned. I will never regret not doing it. I love you, Merlin, and you will always be enough for me. Do you believe me?"

Merlin didn't hesitate. Arthur had opened the Bond as he'd spoken and those truths were laid bare for him to examine if he wished. His lover meant every word, resonated with it, in fact, with every fiber of his being. He nodded, and he loved him all the more for it, but it didn't take away from the duty ahead of them. It was easy for Arthur to say he didn't care. He hadn't Seen. But he did believe him. "I do."

"Then knowing that, knowing I won't let you lie to me this time, tell me the truth," Arthur murmured, hearing something in the Bond whisper to him. Instinctively, he dove deeper into the Bond, felt his eyes first glow with heat, then let them turn black as he dove deeper still, following the whispers. He felt Merlin jerk in his arms as Arthur reached for the core of him, the raven head falling back onto his shoulder, lips slightly parted as he forced the molten gold into his lover's eyes, using Merlin's own magic to bind his, to create the gateway that would reveal the absolute truth. "Do you feel we owe this to Albion?"

"No," Merlin shuddered as the truth was taken from him. He hoped it would be enough, hoped it would satisfy. But he knew it wouldn't, knew Arthur wouldn't have gone so deep if that simple answer was all he wanted. Arthur was after a part of him he'd managed to keep hidden these long years. Not even during the battle with Morgana had he allowed his King anywhere near this secret. Transcended as he had been, this one part of him he had protected even then.

"Then why? Why push this?"

"Because it's the right thing to do... I…" he cried out as he felt Arthur wrap those threads around him even tighter, responding to the lie, binding him closer to the truth he was trying to hide. It wasn't painful, exactly… Arthur would never knowingly allow something of his creation physically hurt him… but it felt restrictive. Like no matter which way he struggled to turn, he couldn't move except in the direction of absolute truth. He remembered the magical chains tightening around him when he'd been left to the serkets. Every evasion tightened those threads, much like the chains, and intended or not, if he fought them too hard they'd cut into him. But struggle he did. Secrets, he had said. He held so many, with a lifetime he couldn't tell them all. This one, however, he held tightest to him. "Arthur! It doesn't matter! It's just the way it needs to be!"

"It matters to me. Why?"

"Please!" He couldn't breathe! Whether it was the threads of the Bond Arthur had ensnared them both in, or the backlash from the shield he had built around this one secret beginning to splinter, he didn't know. He felt panic well in him even as Arthur pushed calm at him. He felt his King's concern, but also grim determination, felt the whispers of the Bond in his lover's mind, driving him to this. The more Merlin struggled to hide it, the more he needed the truth. Merlin shook his head, denying it. He couldn't breathe!

"Why, Merlin?" Arthur pressed urgently, hurting for his lovers' discomfort, but knowing on an instinctive level whatever the boy was trying to hide was somehow vital, would dictate not only the future destiny, but also their future relationship. He wouldn't fight so hard to protect it otherwise. His worry increased when he felt the boy begin to struggle to breathe through his increasing panic, when tears began to fall, when he sensed a simple restriction turn to a sensation similar to pain, but he didn't dare stop. "Why?"

"Stop! Please!" Too close! Arthur was getting too close! He had to stop this! Had to find a way! Sweat broke out on his skin as he struggled against the threads tightening to the point of crushing him. He writhed as Arthur pushed further in his core, hammering with all his might at the shield around a point that was now visible to his blackened eyes. He tossed his head even as he tried to gasp for air that wouldn't come. No! He had to protect it! It would change everything! He rallied his magic, threw it against the Bond Arthur wielded, convulsing when it bounced back at him. No!

"Damnit, Merlin! Why?" He knew this had to end, and quickly. The boy was going to rip himself apart soon if he didn't. Bloody hell, what was Merlin guarding so fiercely that he'd put himself through this? "Tell me why you're insisting on this! What could possibly mean so much to you? If not for Camelot, Albion or the future, then why, Merlin?" Arthur yelled, letting it echo loudly through the Bond too, feeling it connect with his lover.

He felt Merlin shift all of his power to that point, fully committed to killing himself to protect it if he had to, and knew what he had to do. He offered up an apology in his heart for calling his bluff- while he didn't doubt Merlin's determination, he did doubt his willingness to take his King's life as well. More importantly, he feared serious damage if he let this go on. Already Merlin's skin was pale, sweat nearly soaking him, his breathing nothing but shallow gasps from the extended panic attack, a small trickle of blood coming from his nose. It wasn't the first time the warlock's fears had been given physical manifestation. This had to end. He sensed nothing to think that the warrior sorcerer would ever stop defending that point.

"I'm sorry," Arthur breathed even as he gathered every shred of power he could collect, ignoring the desperate but feeble defenses being thrown at him, attempting to prevent what he was about to do, and threw a final blast against that protected point, determined to break through, feeling his lover convulse again in his arms as he succeeded.

"I owe it to you!" Merlin screamed out, finally feeling those threads break loose as the words were ripped from him, Arthur's final push pulverizing the protective measures he had placed around that secret. He choked, coughing, on the air suddenly available to him as the answer set him free, the confession shocking Arthur so strongly he released the Bond instantly and completely. He sagged under the weight of the truth his King hadn't allowed him to evade or escape, his legs buckling, Arthur's tightened grip the only thing keeping him standing. The battle had been internal but his muscles shook as if he'd been using a sword for hours. His panic had vanished the moment he'd screamed, but he still took in gulps of air feeling like he'd been slowly drowning and had suddenly broken the surface. All his protections, everything he'd done to guard this part of himself, Arthur had tore through in minutes.

"Merlin," Arthur whispered, shocked and heartbroken. "How could you even think you owe me anything?"

How many times had the younger man risked everything for him? He'd died for him twice! He'd spent years being pushed about as a lowly servant, years of being disrespected and treated like he was entirely replaceable. Years of living in terror that his secret would be discovered, that he'd face hatred, abandonment, death, or worse. He'd been raped, beaten, and nearly driven mad, all in the name of protecting the citizens of Camelot.

Almost ten years of his life given unselfishly to suffering, pain, and loss, living to experience only a mere handful of happy days in nearly a decade of sorrow and darkness. Giving every part of himself for a Kingdom that would have silently watched him burn had he been discovered. And somehow through it all had found the inner strength to keep fighting for what was right, what was good. Had tempered his core to brave reaching out to make the ties of friendship to any in need, even found it within himself to fall in love with an arrogant, prat of a Prince, to believe in a future that must have at times felt impossible to achieve.

It was impossible to consider that Merlin owed him, Camelot, or Albion anything at all. But it had taken only seconds of being connected to that point in the boy to fathom just how ingrained in him that secret was. The thought that Merlin had guarded this sense of debt so closely for so long settled heavily on his shoulders. He used his thumb to wipe the blood from Merlin's top lip, trying to gentle his previous attack with the action.

"There is nothing you've ever done, nor could ever do, that would create a debt that required this level of sacrifice as payment," Arthur murmured, saddened by the boys' deep belief in its existence. "Absolutely nothing."

"There is! I created it with every lie, every secret, every life I had to take, I owe you this," Merlin growled, wrenching his face away from Arthur's fingers, tears and anger mixing together. "I built it, adding to it every time I made you choose between keeping my secret and your father, made you go against him to protect me. For choosing me over Gwen, for every failure to keep someone you cared about safe, this sacrifice you can claim of me. For every betrayal I committed against you, Arthur, for every choice you've made since we've met, for the day I took your future from you by falling in love with you, I owe you this child and so much more. Even if I hadn't seen the future without it, I would press this still. It is your duty- to your Kingdom, to your people, to your bloodline- and I can see, I can feel, how heavily it weighs on you, even if you sincerely believe you can go another way without regret. I have guarded that secret at all costs, Arthur, because I know you, know how much you love me, know the extremes you'd go, to avoid my pain. I'd have died guarding it because I knew if you ever discovered it, every decision you made based on my advice would be filtered by it. And this must happen, regardless of how much it will hurt me, or even you. My heart for your duty is the bargain I willingly made the day I let you kiss me."

Every word a wound to the King's soul and heart. And every one settling a deeper conviction inside him. Arthur took a deep, steadying breath, leaning his forehead against the sweat slicked raven locks. "Well, that makes that decision then. The future can find a way to look after itself. I'm done sacrificing for it, and I'm done letting you do it in my stead."

Merlin closed his eyes. "Arthur, it's not that simple…"

"It is, actually."

"Arthur-"

"No, Merlin," Arthur replied calmly, confidently. "You owe me nothing. Any debt we've ever had between us I think we've each more than settled a hundred times over. That's what you told me, remember? That we should stop saying sorry to each other, stop measuring who owes whom their lives. I thought you believed that when you said it, so I did too, and have let it guide me through everything we've faced, everything we've survived. This lie, Merlin, this one you do owe me. But it's the only debt between us."

"You shouldn't have forced it from me," Merlin whispered in regret. "You were never to know." He'd failed, and now everything would change.

"I know. The resources required to hide it from me for so long must have been immense. Every day I cherished the Bond getting stronger, you must have dreaded. And to reach through me in that final battle… I have to wonder how much of protecting that part of you kept you here, with me, on some level. That's my dilemma, at the moment, in trying to sort out how to feel about all this. How much of that lie hurts me, and how much of it do I have to be grateful to?" He carded his fingers through Merlin's hair. "Remember, Merlin. The Bond has its limits. My power, has limits. The Bond never lets me do something I'm not supposed to. If I wasn't meant to discover that part of you, I never would have. I'm sorry if what happened made you fear it, made you fear me, but I was always meant to know."

"Never, Arthur! I've never dreaded nor feared you or the Bond," Merlin insisted strongly. "Even... even after that." Even after. It was so much a part of who they were. He shuddered to think of living without it. He felt Arthur's hands move to rub his arms, trying to warm him. He would have gladly given his life to stop that knowledge from ever reaching his King, but now that it was done... he sighed. It couldn't be undone, and Arthur wasn't alone in trying to sort his feelings out. He'd protected it for so long that he'd never realized what a weight it was. He felt lighter, now. Like he'd been relieved of something he'd never been meant to carry.

"I believe that, because I think this was the last lie between us." Arthur was convinced of the truth of that. However much it hurt, however confused it left him, he knew that much to be true. For all the other secrets Merlin may be keeping inside him, this last was the only one left that could have hurt them. He wished he could explain to his lover what had driven him, but as so often happened with the Bond, he couldn't. He'd known only that something had been buried deep and desperately needed to be brought to the surface, now. And so he'd listened to the whispers that so often guided him when it came to the darker places inside Merlin.

"I'm sorry, Arthur," Merlin murmured miserably. "I'm sorry I can't change the way I feel about it, sorry that you have no words that can possibly convince me that debt doesn't exist. It will never change, you know, as much as I wish it could, as much as I know you truly believe it to be imagined. It will always exist for me."

"I understand that now." Arthur put his lips to Merlin's ear. "And I forgive you, Love, for all that and more."

"How?" He couldn't forgive himself. He knew what Arthur had felt, was aware of his single minded determination to keep that secret. For all the reasons he'd said, and more. And he'd been right, in a way. Arthur had made a decision based on it- quickly and absolute. As much as he felt a burden removed, it added another. For all his King felt he'd won, he'd succeeded only in a skirmish. Merlin knew he would win this, as much as his heart cried out that he didn't want to win. That he wanted to lose. He couldn't. He'd made a bargain. He couldn't bear Arthur's pain anymore than the King could bear his. And that sense of duty, of responsibility, was in every breath the King took, every action, every decision. It was a core part of all that was his Arthur. And it would hurt him deeply to fail in fulfilling this most vital of responsibilities, made worse still by his belief that it wouldn't. But any hope he'd had of making Arthur see that had fractured along with his apparently meager protections. There was only one way left now. "How can you forgive so easily?"

"There was a time, Merlin, when you would have bolted from me the minute I tried to force it from you. But, here you are, still in my arms. In your fury, you told me that you know how much I love you. That speaks so loudly as to how far we've come. I regret that this hurt you, that you felt you had to hide it so deeply from me, but I don't regret doing it. This last hurdle, I think, we needed to face, and it explains so much of the choices you've made over the years, helps me prepare for the choices I fear you'll continue to make."

"I've tried running from you before, Arthur, it never works. Somehow, you always get the answers you want, no matter how hard I struggle against it."

"Do you understand why? Why I always push, even if it's beyond your limits?" He hesitated. "Even if I have to hurt you?"

Merlin smiled, nodding. "I do, Arthur. Same reason I always push yours, if in a different way. We'll never stop fighting for each other. We don't know how, even if we regret the battle wounds we leave behind." And all he could do was pray that he was only sacrificing his heart for this, that what he was about to do didn't cost him everything.

Arthur breathed a sigh of relief, tightening his hold momentarily. "Then you understand why I can't do this? Nothing you say will convince me it will be worth breaking both our hearts. Not knowing what I do."

Merlin nodded. "I understand." Turning around in his lover's arms, reaching up to kiss away the pained words coming from that mouth. Kissing his lover, his King, his warrior knight, for all he was worth. It was not the first time he had poured everything he was into their physical connection, making sure Arthur felt the love he could never quite put into words. In it he forgave the intrusion, expressed his gratitude, his appreciation for all that they were. Through moving lips he tried to express his faith in them, his conviction that they would always some how come out stronger.

Arthur responded eagerly, taking it all, giving his own. He needed more. He reached out with the Bond, wrapping it around them, gasping when he felt everything being directed at him, and he pushed his own back. He moaned when Merlin took advantage of his momentarily parted lips to dart his tongue in, tasting all, and Arthur accepted it greedily, experiencing the dual sensations and emotions. He had only a moment's warning from the Bond before he began to taste the salt of fresh tears as the kiss turned regretful, begging his forgiveness, apologizing for what he was about to do.

"No," Arthur whispered sorrowfully. "Please, Merlin." He kissed harder, desperate, his hands moving to cup the wet face, trying to take the opportunity away from his lover. "Don't do this," he begged, tears springing to his own eyes. He knew it was pointless, just as Merlin had known when he'd done this to create the Link. He thought he'd understood how much it had hurt his lover, but he'd been wrong. Oh so wrong. To see it coming, and being absolutely powerless to stop it...

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I have no choice," Merlin murmured, breaking away, using the hands that had been running through golden hair to pull their foreheads together as they both breathed heavily, theirs tears having long blended together smelling fresh on their skin. "I don't know how to stop fighting for you," he breathed, before he stepped back.

"Merlin-"

"If I can't convince you to do it for the future, Arthur, then I'm asking…"

"Merlin, don't."

"I'm asking you," Merlin took in a shuddering breath, forcing the words to come from his lips as he laid his heart once again on the sacrificial altar of Destiny, "to do it for me."

Arthur collapsed to his knees, panting, as he closed his eyes as he tried to push his fists through them, though it did nothing to stop the tears that flowed without restraint. There was no spell needed for Merlin to wield this power of his. There was nothing magic about it. Because there was nothing in this that endangered Merlin's life. His heart, his soul, yes, but not his life. This sacrifice could be survived. No, not magic. This power Arthur had given freely to his lover years ago. And Merlin had wielded it as expertly as he did his natural gifts, as there was no part of Arthur that could deny his lover anything he ever asked of him.

He nodded, even as he wondered how long it would take to pick up the pieces of his shattered heart.

"For you, Merlin, I'll do it."