A/N: Hello, and thank you all for your patience with my terribly inconsistent upload schedule. We're back to Kurt's POV for this chapter, and we get to see Rachel, Mercedes, and Tina!
As I mentioned in a note on an earlier chapter, I was working on this fic for NaNoWriMo. I didn't get to my 50k goal, but I DID get to 30k words written last month, which I'm pretty happy with. Since this is on top of what I already had written for this fic before November, that puts the total word count just over 40k so far, which I'm really excited about! Editing is a slow process because this is a busy month for me, but I'm going to edit and post when I can, and currently we're sitting at 17 chapters drafted so there's lots to come. I'm also planning to continue writing this story, I haven't finished telling everything I want to tell in the 40k words I've already written, so it will be longer than this in the end, but I wanted to give you all a bit of an idea of what you can expect.
Anyway, with all of that out of the way, please enjoy this chapter!
Kurt can't believe that this is real. He'd never thought that Sebastian would feel the same way. And sure, they're not boyfriends, not yet at least, but he's not just some other guy to Sebastian. He knows that, because he knows Sebastian. And it had surprised him that Sebastian wanted to take things slow, but that's okay with Kurt. He can wait.
Sebastian is worth waiting for.
"I can't believe you would do this to Blaine," Rachel says, a note of disgust in her voice, as Kurt finishes telling the girls about his first date with Sebastian.
"What does Blaine have to do with any of this?" Kurt asks, crossing his arms.
"Nothing, don't listen to her," Mercedes reassures him. "So, is he your boyfriend now?"
The three girls look at him – Mercedes and Tina hopefully, Rachel skeptically.
"Um... not quite."
Tina frowns at him. "What do you mean not quite? Either he is or he isn't."
"He's not. Well, not yet, anyway."
"Well why the hell not?" Mercedes huffs.
"He said he didn't feel ready for that yet."
"Kurt," Rachel says, giving him a knowing look, though he's not quite sure what exactly she thinks she knows.
"What, Rachel?" he snaps, because he's starting to get tired of her attitude toward his relationship – or whatever it is – with Sebastian.
"Are you sure that he's not just maybe... well, you know."
"No, Rachel, I don't know," he says, narrowing his eyes at her, but he's pretty sure he knows exactly what she's trying to say.
"He doesn't exactly have the best reputation, Kurt," she says by way of explanation.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" He knows exactly what it means.
"I just think you should be careful. Make sure you know what his intentions really are."
"I don't think I have to worry about his intentions, Rachel," Kurt says, articulating the words slowly.
"Well... she might kind of have a point," Mercedes says guiltily, and Kurt snaps his head to the side to look at her.
"Excuse me?"
"We just don't want you to get hurt," Tina tries to explain.
"I'm not going to get hurt," Kurt snaps. It comes out a little more harshly than he'd planned, but do they really think he can't take care of himself?
"You don't know that," Rachel points out.
"I'm a big boy, Rachel, I think I can take care of myself."
"We know, Kurt, we're just trying to look out for you," Mercedes reasons.
"Well stop. I'm fine, I don't need you looking out for me."
"I just don't see what you see in him. Blaine was so nice and Sebastian is just so...," she trails off.
"So what, Rachel?" He narrows his eyes at her again, daring her to say what he knows she's thinking.
"Well, you know," she shrugs awkwardly, looking away from him.
"If you're not going to support me, that's fine, but don't talk about him like that," Kurt huffs.
"I just don't get it," Rachel says, a little helplessly, "you and Blaine were so good together, I don't know why you'd do this."
"What?" His voice is low and icy.
"I don't know what's going on between you two, Kurt, but it's very clear he's trying to make it up to you, and I think you're being unreasonable."
Kurt just stares at her for a moment, disbelieving, before he finally gathers his thoughts enough to speak. "Rachel. I want to make this crystal clear. I broke up with Blaine for a reason. We are not getting back together. I don't care what he does to make it up to me, it's not happening. Ever. This has nothing to do with Blaine."
"I just think that maybe you should consider it, Kurt, he really is–"
"Okay no, I'm done. This conversation is over," Kurt cuts her off, standing up from his spot on the bed next to Mercedes.
"Kurt, come on," Tina tries to reason.
"Do you agree with her?" he asks pointedly.
"Well, sort of, but–"
"Then I'm leaving."
"Kurt, we're not trying to attack you, we just want to make sure you're not making a mistake," Mercedes chimes in.
He doesn't respond. Clearly there's no talking to them. He just grabs his coat and bag and leaves, makes his way out Rachel's bedroom, out of the house, into his car, because he doesn't have to sit there and listen to that.
He knows Sebastian. He knows what this is, and it's not... well, it's not whatever they seem to think it is. Sebastian wouldn't do that to him.
Right?
They're in Sebastian's house, curled up on the bed sharing a blanket as a movie with a name he doesn't even remember plays on the TV in front of them. He feels warm and safe and right, here next to Sebastian, like all the stars in the universe have aligned just to give him this moment.
But then he's thinking about what the girls said.
He doesn't really think Sebastian would use him like that. He's pretty sure the other boy feels something for him. They're friends, he knows Sebastian, knows he has a hard time dealing with his feelings sometimes, and he wants to be patient and give him the space to go at his own pace. And that's fine. Really, if Sebastian just needs time, Kurt is okay with that.
But what if that isn't what this is?
What if the girls were right? Not completely, of course, Sebastian wouldn't treat him like one of his past hookups, they're friends, it's different. It has to be. But just because it's different doesn't mean it's the same for both of them. Maybe Sebastian will never want to be his boyfriend. Would Kurt be okay with that? The answer is undeniably no. And he'd never really thought that was the case, but the more he thinks about it, and he remembers the way Sebastian won't hold his hand, will barely touch him unless it's to kiss him, and it makes him wonder... Does Sebastian even want him like that? Or does he only want him like that? Because Kurt isn't ready for that yet, and if anyone knows that it's Sebastian, but then... what is this?
No, there's no way. He must be going crazy, what's gotten into him? If Sebastian just wanted to sleep with him then they wouldn't be doing this. But the thought is nagging at him now and he knows that it will just linger and fester if he doesn't get it out in the open, so he figures this is what he needs to do.
"Why won't you hold my hand?" he asks simply. It's not accusing, just an innocent question.
Sebastian huffs out an awkward laugh. "What?"
"You never hold my hand. If I try to hold your hand, you always pull away," Kurt elaborates, shifting a bit to lock eyes with Sebastian.
"What, are you afraid you'll lose me?" Sebastian asks with another awkward laugh, and Kurt can tell he's uncomfortable.
"No," he says patiently, carefully, "it's fine if you don't want to, it's just... is there a reason?"
"I don't see why it matters," Sebastian says, deflecting again.
"It doesn't really, I just... never mind." He supposes it's not that important. He doesn't want to make Sebastian uncomfortable.
"Okay," Sebastian agrees, and Kurt can see his shoulders relax just the slightest in relief. He's not sure why it's so hard for Sebastian to talk about these things, and he wishes he understood, but for now he'll just have to accept it. The other boy will come around eventually, right?
"You know what I do want to do?" Sebastian asks, and when Kurt looks back at him Sebastian is smirking.
"What might that be?"
Sebastian doesn't answer, just leans forward and presses his lips to Kurt's.
It's fine. Everything is fine. He just needs to give Sebastian some time. And, he has to admit, he does enjoy this part.
"You're kidding me, right? This is a joke?"
Kurt turns as he pulls a book from his locker to see Blaine standing there, hands on his hips, apparently waiting for an answer.
"Blaine, I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Sebastian?" Blaine prompts, raising his eyebrows.
"What about him?" Kurt asks, turning away as he slides a book into his bag and closes his locker.
"He's your boyfriend now?" He says it like it's an accusation, and if Kurt wasn't already put off by Blaine's tone, he certainly is now.
"No, Blaine, he's not my boyfriend. Not that it's any of your business," he snaps as he begins to walk down the hall, but Blaine just follows him.
"So Rachel's lying then?" he asks. "You didn't go on a date with him last weekend?"
Rachel. Of course. "Again, not that it's any of your business, Blaine, but she's not lying. We did go on a date on the weekend. As a matter of fact, we've gone out on several dates." It isn't any of Blaine's business, but witnessing his reaction to the news is kind of fun in a weirdly satisfying way, so he doesn't mind sharing a couple extra details.
"But he's not your boyfriend?" Blaine clarifies.
"Blaine," Kurt sighs, stopping and turning to look at his ex, "it's really none of your business."
"So what, you're just fucking around with him?"
"I am not fucking around with him."
"You know that's all he wants you for, right?" Blaine asks.
"You don't know him," Kurt argues, trying to mask the pang of fear that flares up again at Blaine's words, because that's exactly what he's scared of.
"I know him well enough," Blaine scoffs.
"Why do you even care?"
"I'm just trying to look out for you, Kurt. Apparently someone has to."
"Oh my god, why is everyone doing this? I can take care of myself, Blaine."
"Clearly you can't if you think he's a suitable guy to be going on dates with." He emphasizes dates like it's a dirty word.
"You're unbelievable," Kurt says, crossing his arms and shaking his head in disbelief. "You really think you can just walk up to me in the middle of the hallway and try to tell me what I can and can't do?"
Blaine rolls his eyes, and that's infuriating. "I'm not telling you what to do, Kurt, I'm trying to make sure you don't make the huge mistake it sounds like you're about to."
Kurt narrows his eyes at Blaine for a few moments, debating his next words, but then the bell signaling the beginning of the next class is ringing. "Goodbye, Blaine. I'm going to class," he says simply, turning from the other boy and walking quickly down the hallway, away from Blaine.