The next few weeks are basically perfect. Granted, Sasuke still has his panic attacks and moments where his brain completely leaves him, but Gaara's around. He's there to hold Sasuke's hand or lend an ear and just listen to what's on his mind. And vice versa.
Living with someone is a completely new learning experience. He quickly learns things about Gaara that he wasn't aware of before. Not because he wasn't looking, but because essentially spending nights and entire days with Gaara just means he sees more. They begin staying over at each other's home most days of the oncoming weeks, and they both learn to adjust to having another adult so close. Someone they can rely on for help daily and be intimate with. They really only separate for Gaara's work and meetings. When he and Sarada went grocery shopping every week, he started buying foods he knew Gaara and Shinki liked as well.
They talk for hours, make dinner together, eat and put the children to bed.
They were over so often it felt normal. He got so used to waking up next to Gaara in the morning that it was weird when he didn't. It was also becoming more rare. Sarada grew used to having Shinki close by, and clearly missed him when the other child wasn't around.
All of that compounded into the two small families seeing each other pretty often.
They developed a routine.
He learns that Gaara has trouble sleeping unless Sasuke throws an arm around him before they drift off, so he adjusts accordingly. Gaara seems to instinctively know when Sasuke was feeling a bit..fragile, and needed quiet. They knew each other intimately, and knew what the other needed, and when.
Sasuke keeps some of his clothes at Gaara's apartment, Shinki has a few pairs of play clothes and pajamas beside Sarada's in the girl's dresser, and vice versa. When Gaara slept over he sometimes just wore Sasuke's clothes. They were slightly too big, but Sasuke didn't mind seeing him in his shirts, honestly.
He buys Gaara a toothbrush for his place, and Gaara's towel rack has an extra towel for Sasuke. Before long, even on the rare chance that they all weren't spending the day together, there are still signs of both Gaara and Shinki in the space. From the Kazekage's book that he was reading on the couch last night to some of Shinki's toys scattered across the living room floor with Sarada's.
It was nice. Even when they separated they always came back to each other. Going back to making dinner side by side - peering over a recipe - and talking about books, trying to keep the children out of trouble and making sure they're in bed on time. Sasuke isn't used to turning around and having someone there to tell all his thoughts, someone who would understand them. He isn't used to being able to reach beside him and take someone's hand.
Sasuke's getting used to it, though.
He should probably be thinking a bit harder about what he'll do about Konoha, and Sakura, but honestly he's just enjoying how easy everything is currently. How comfortable life could be.
He and Gaara have a thorough understanding of one another.
Sasuke knows when Gaara has a migraine after work, and promptly found that the Kazekage needed his scent and a painkiller to resettle himself. Gaara knew when Sasuke didn't feel like talking, and was always content to sit in comfortable silence with him, which pretty much always made Sasuke feel better and relax again, even if it took a while.
That's not to say that Sasuke was magically cured, he still struggled all the time, still got so caught up in his own head that he started feeling previous pains again…
But…
He always felt a hand on his before it got too bad. Gaara always noticed, and calmed him down. Like he knew what Sasuke was feeling, and knew what to do. He should probably be used to it by now, but it still surprises him every time.
He knows he should be thinking more about what's coming next, but he's both distracted and maybe putting it off a bit, daunted by the inevitable stress it'll cause.
Sasuke wakes up next to Gaara more often than not these days, whether they were at the mansion or Sasuke's place, and the contentment he feels is one he's loath to ruin by thinking about the more unpleasant things he'll have to deal with in the Leaf.
He honestly didn't want to think about it. He just wanted to enjoy waking up for a change. Enjoy how Gaara pushed the hair from his face when he woke up. How he smiled at Sasuke first thing in the morning, sleepy and soft. How Sasuke smiled back, and found it so easy to do so. How Gaara showers first while Sasuke brushes his teeth as they talk before they switch. How their children greet them with hugs and big smiles.
The absolute mess that was lingering in the peripheral view of his life is the last thing he wants to ruminate on.
He's sufficiently distracted anyway. Both Gaara and the children keep him busy, and he likes that. He doesn't have time to think or brood about awful things, he has too much to do. Too much to think about.
They both decide that it's best for now to just keep the current development to themselves. It felt safer, that way. And neither of them were thrilled with the thought of others being privy to something that felt so... private . So new, for the both of them. They don't hide , they still shop and visit teahouses together, not overt with their affection but not refraining from holding hands much either, if they feel like it. Sasuke honestly can't tell if Suna's villagers are catching on or not - if they stare, or whisper as they go by - simply because he's not focused on them. He's usually preoccupied with listening to Gaara or one of the children.
It was sort of like being in a bubble. Everything on the outside of the three people he was focused on daily hardly mattered. And Sasuke didn't mind that at all. Temari had gone back to Konoha until next month when she'd be visiting again and Kankuro was on a short mission to the Hidden Waterfall on business on behalf of Suna, so they had Gaara's apartment to themselves. They didn't even have to worry about Gaara's siblings for the moment.
It was nice to be focused on normal things, to be absorbed in his life and not whether or not he's going to wake up with some enemy ninja trying to shove a sword through his neck. Not war or missions. Or awful memories.
He thinks he may be getting the hang of it.
Times when he woke up in the middle of the night, uneasy from some unpleasant dream he couldn't remember, he found himself pressing closer to Gaara, reaching for him and curling up close to him. And without fail, Gaara sleepily pulled him closer, nuzzling into his neck - half asleep and pulling Sasuke close.
His mind always settles after that.
Sasuke stirs as Gaara rises from the warmth of their bed. Mismatched eyes open a crack, watching the Kazekage pull on his robe and stand. Sasuke frowns sleepily.
Gaara looks back at him, a small, fond smile on his lips.
"I just have a meeting. I'll be back very soon. Rest."
A hand runs through Sasuke's hair and he settles again, almost falling back asleep right there. He feels a pang of discontent when Gaara has to pull away to get ready, but he manages to stay somewhat awake until he feels Gaara press a kiss to his forehead, tell him he'll be back in about an hour, then quietly close the door.
Sasuke falls asleep once more, and when he wakes again (with two new little additions crawled into bed with him - Sarada curled up with her little head on his chest and Shinki cuddled up to his shoulder, fast asleep), Gaara is back, stroking his hair once again.
Family ...
That was it. They felt like a family .
Sasuke wants it to stay like this. For as long as humanly possible.
They don't have sex every night, and only do when they feel like it. It's comfortable, when it does. Sasuke isn't used to being sexually attracted to...well, anyone. So when his eyes start finding Gaara when the man undresses for bed, or lingers on the omega's lips or waist, Sasuke feels a bit like an asshole until he remembers that it's probably normal. It's like Sasuke keeps forgetting that he's human . It's not strange to find the person you're with attractive, especially since Gaara is an omega, and a part of Sasuke is probably hard-wired to like and respond to the distinctly omegan behaviors Gaara exhibits. Biology, and all that. So while it was different, Sasuke has to remind himself that it's okay.
Sasuke isn't even entirely sure he likes sex. He just knows he really likes sex with Gaara. He's an active participant in bed with him, not being forced to do whatever whoever had him wanted. After a while it even stops being such a big deal. They become so used to each other that sex is no longer a huge significance. Which means they end up doing it more often, and can actually look each other in the eye with little to no embarrassment afterward. They're comfortable with each other. And maybe they're both still a bit love-starved, too.
In an embarrassed way he's glad that Gaara seems to have no problem being under him every time. Sasuke's sure that he couldn't handle any other way. Too much bad was associated with being under someone for him, but Gaara seemed fine and had no desire to be on top unless Sasuke was still inside him, so it's not even a conversation that comes up. They picked their positions that make them most comfortable, and they just happened to compliment each other. So that's one thing in Sasuke's life that isn't complicated. Which helps.
It's not all rainbows, though. It's only happened three times, but he occasionally flashed back to Orochimaru or something as unpleasant, and Gaara made them stop. Gaara has his own triggers, though they've only had to stop for the redhead about twice so far - but they always pause to breathe, and sometimes they continue, but sometimes they don't . And those times are always just as good . They drink tea, lean on each other, and talk. Gaara doesn't make him feel like a broken toy.
He finds himself hoping Gaara doesn't have any meetings in the mornings, so he can stay. There's a few days a week where Gaara's free, and Sasuke likes when he's close, for his own sanity.
Sasuke never thought of himself as clingy, and he still doesn't, but he had this need to have Gaara within eyeshot. He just wants the omega around.
Sarada starts tutoring with Shinki two weeks after that. Sasuke had to remember to ask when the new school year was coming up, and he learns it's sooner than he thought. Gaara offers for her to attend tutoring with Shinki, to make sure she's ready for the academic year.
Sasuke breathes a sigh of relief and accepts.
"You'll like Tsumi-San." Shinki tells her, "She's really nice, and she gives you snacks when you're good."
"Really?"
"Yes. She's a good teacher. We sing songs, too."
But when the time comes Sasuke is a bit hesitant about letting her go. He met the woman days ago, and she's very warm and kind - ideal for a teacher of small children - but he hasn't been separated from Sarada for so long in a while. Even if it was a few hours he still hugs her extra long and has a hard time letting her go. The little girl is thrilled, excited about school and her tutoring until it starts.
He's been slightly worried about how Sarada would handle going away for hours a day for school, but now Sasuke knows the one he has to worry about is himself . How's he going to be able to handle having her somewhere else every day for hours ?
"It's a lot to get used to." Gaara says, "I'm not looking forward to it either. Shinki's first year of school starts this year, and I can't help thinking I'll miss him most of the day."
At least Sasuke knows he's not crazy.
He and Sarada are alone at home about a week later when the topic finally comes up. Gaara had a meeting early this morning, so he bundled Shinki into his arms and headed home, much to Sasuke's chagrin. But either way they'd be back tonight, so he and Sarada bid them goodbye for the few hours they'll be apart and settle into their day.
Sasuke can't help but feel strange that they're not around, and Sarada tugs at his hand at around noon and asks when they'll be back. Sasuke puts down his book and gently squeezes her cheek.
"Tonight, peanut. Don't worry."
She pouts, "But that's a long time!"
He sighs and pats her head, "I know. But try not to think about it, okay? They'll be back before you know it."
"Okay." She says, still a bit upset. After a moment she blinks up at him again before she asks, "Papa?"
"Hm?"
"Why do you kiss Gaara so much?"
Sasuke pauses, his finger still on the page he was about to turn. His mind races for something to say, but then he decides to just be honest, and put it as simply as he can for her. He's been bracing himself for this conversation at some point. Eventually she would ask him something.
"You kiss a lot!" She says. She doesn't sound upset, simply curious. She looks up at him, expecting an answer.
"Uh, well." He starts, unsure what to say, face flushing, "Because I like him. And he likes me. So it's alright to do that kind of thing."
"Papa! Your face is red!" She laughs. He grabs her into a hug, making her giggle harder. After a moment her giggles die down and Sasuke simply holds her, content.
"Papa?"
"Hm?"
"You look happy with Gaara. You look sad when Mama is around."
Hearing her say something so dark makes him feel immensely guilty all of a sudden. She saw more than he ever thought.
But he remembers being a child, picking up on things adults thought slipped by him.
He wonders what could have been going through her little head, seeing all of that at such a young age.
"I'm sorry you had to see me sad, Sarada." He says quietly, heart heavy all of a sudden as he presses a kiss to her forehead.
"It's okay! But...Papa…" she asks, crawling into his lap, "You're not sad now, right?"
"No I'm not, peanut." He says, wrapping his arm around her and cuddling her close.
"Yay!" Then she pauses, tilting her head. Sasuke smiles, seeing her adopt a few of Gaara's habits.
"Are you guys gonna get married?" She asks, eyes wide. She looks excited already, and he hasn't even answered yet.
Hm. What a question. Sasuke thinks for a moment.
"Maybe." He smiles, "We'd have to talk about it."
"Papa?"
"Hm?"
"What about...about Mama?"
He's never heard her sound so unsure before. It hurts, to have to explain this to her while she's so young. She couldn't fully understand, especially not at this age, but he could try to make this as simple for her as possible.
"Well...she can be free to find someone she really likes, too." Sasuke says, "It just...can't be me. I'm sorry, peanut."
She thinks for a moment, considering what her father has told her. Then she blinks up at him again.
"That's okay." She shrugs, "I was kinda sad before, but it was because I just missed you a lot!"
"You'll never have to miss me again, I promise."
She beams and he envelopes her in another hug, heart as warm as it always was when he held her.
"I love you very, very, very much, Sarada." He says.
"I love you too!" She grins, "Papa?"
"Hm?"
"We can stay together now, right?"
"Of course we can."
"With...with Shinki and Gaara too?"
He ruffles her hair, "Definitely."
Sarada cuddles into him, and Sasuke holds her close.
When they come back that night, Sarada happily jumps into Gaara's arms, hugging him tight. The omega cradles the little girl, heart warm.
The kids are asleep in Shinki's room a few days later, tired out from hours of play and full from dinner.
They talk amongst themselves as they put the dishes away, and somehow they end up pressed against each other, breathing the same air. They've both been away from each other all day, and Sasuke wonders if their instincts are in overdrive simply because they're used to being close to each other, and their bodies are attuned to the other.
"Sarada finally asked me about us." Sasuke tells him, "She wanted to know why we kiss all the time."
Gaara looks surprised for a second, then amused.
"Did she really?"
"She did." He says, "She said I looked happy with you."
"I suppose they both notice more than we think." Gaara says, "Shinki asked me about it, too."
"Did he?"
"Yes, he asked why I smell so nice around you." Gaara smiles gently, "I suppose my scent changes even when I don't notice it."
"Hm. Mine too. I guess it's normal." Sasuke says, before he adds, "Sarada asked if we're going to get married."
Gaara looks surprised, then he says, "Shinki asked me the exact same thing."
Now it's Sasuke's turn to look a bit startled.
"Did they plan that?"
"Most likely."
Kankuro barges into Gaara's bedroom one morning after coming back from his mission - loud and already in the middle of saying something - before his eyes catch on them both and he freezes. His eyes widen and he blinks at them incredulously for a moment, like his brain can't quite process what he's seeing.
They're wrapped around each other in bed as usual and Sasuke groans and shoves the pillow over his face, trying to block out the puppeteer's noise. At least they're actually dressed.
Gaara barely opens his eyes, and he doesn't pull away from Sasuke either.
He just mumbles, "You really should stop bursting into my room like that."
Kankuro stares at them, eyes wide. He doesn't move, just gaping at them. He doesn't have his makeup on, so it's easy to see the shock on his face.
"Whoa! Wait -! What? When did you two start-?!"
His eyes dart between them - Sasuke holding the omega close and Gaara basically using Sasuke as a pillow - confusion in his eyes.
" Out, Kankuro." Gaara says again, still not bothering to open his eyes or pull his face from Sasuke's neck. The man stammers for a second more before he leaves, looking like he's in a daze. The door clicks shut.
"Guess we're awake." Sasuke says, muffled from the pillow still on his face.
Gaara sighs, "It seems so. Sorry about that. Kankuro isn't good at knocking."
"Not your fault." He says, "Don't apologize."
"Hm. Well, he knows now." Gaara says, reluctantly sitting up and running his eyes.
Sasuke feels cold without Gaara's additional body heat against him. "Seems so.", He says.
He sits up as well, running his hand through his hair.
"I'll go talk to Kankuro." Gaara sighs.
Sasuke blinks the sleep from his eyes and looks at the omega, "I'll come too. If he's going to give me a hard time about it then I should probably let him get it out of his system now."
They brush their teeth side by side - tired and leaning on each other - then walk into the kitchen to find Kankuro pacing like a caged lion before he spots them and stops abruptly.
"Explain."
"What's there to explain?" Gaara says, "I'm sure you can guess what's going on."
Kankuro looks like he's swallowed a lemon, "S-so you two are…"
Kankuro's eye twitches. Sasuke wonders if the man is about to bust a blood vessel. He's more amused than intimidated, and Gaara looks like a petulant little brother, annoyed by his older sibling's fussing.
"Yes."
"I knew it! I knew that's where this was going!" He says, taking a fistful of Sasuke's shirt in his hand and eyeing him critically. The Uchiha just blinks at him. He wasn't surprised by the puppeteer's reaction in the least. Sasuke figured it was normal once you found your younger sibling in bed with someone.
"I'm an adult." Gaara says, "Kankuro, let him go."
" You're my little brother!" Kankuro argues, eyes narrowing at Sasuke as he tightens his hold on his shirt, "I come back to catch you two in bed together-"
"I'm an adult ." Gaara repeats, "Besides, it's not like he's a stranger. It's Sasuke."
Kankuro's face twists in annoyance, but he lets go of Sasuke's shirt, "Yeah. I guess you're right."
Then a thought seems to cross him and he grits his teeth.
"You smell like each other. You two are having sex aren't you-?! You know what, don't answer that, I don't even know why I asked. I don't wanna know."
Gaara huffs, "Good, because it's none of your business."
Kankuro shoots a suspicious look their way.
"Everything about your life is my business." Kankuro says, folding his arms, "You're my little brother."
"I wasn't this annoying when you brought Inuzuka home." Gaara says, raising a non-existent eyebrow.
Sasuke's brows furrow. Inuzuka. That name sounded familiar.
Wait...
"Kiba?" He asks, looking at Kankuro in surprise, "The one who's obsessed with his dog?"
Kankuro looks equal parts embarrassed that the conversation has been flipped on him and indignant at Sasuke's description of his alpha. His face goes red.
"He's not obsessed with his dog!" He huffs, frowning, "His clan raises dogs - which is fucking awesome by the way - and I don't know how we ended up making this about me- "
"I'm just... surprised." Sasuke says, "He's not terrible , just - "
"Just what?" Kankuro snaps, defensive.
"I didn't expect it." Sasuke finishes, quietly amused at Kankuro's mortification.
"Since I know you're going to tell Temari, please also tell her that she left one of her kimonos here." Gaara says as he clicks on the pot for tea.
Kankuro is about to respond when two little figures wander in, holding hands and rubbing their eyes.
Shinki spots Kankuro first, sleepily hugging his leg.
"Uncle Kankuro. Hello. I missed you."
"Hey buddy!" The puppeteer grins, running his hand through his nephews hair, previous annoyances forgotten. Sarada yawns and wanders over to Sasuke.
"Papa…"
"Good morning, peanut."
He picks her up, cradling her. The little girl yawns again, leaning her little head on his shoulder.
"Sleepy…" she mumbles.
He smiles, heart soft, "I can tell."
"Uncle Kankuro, she's my new best friend." Shinki says, pointing to the little girl in Sasuke's arms.
Kankuro smiles down at his nephew, amused.
He looks at Sarada, who blinks at him with big eyes, curious.
"And who might you be?" Kankuro grins.
"I'm Sarada!" She cheers, a bit more awake.
"Nice to meet you Sarada." Kankuro smiles, "You seem a lot cooler than your dad."
She giggles.
Sasuke shakes his head in dry amusement.
Sasuke has a nightmare one night, and manages to wake the both of them up. It takes him longer to get his bearings though, having just been wrenched from a terror. He doesn't even really remember what it's about, but he's having trouble breathing and his skin feels like it's crawling.
"Sasuke. You're safe, it's okay." Gaara's voice soothes, pulling him from his panic. He feels Gaara's hand on his arm, then his neck, grounding him. Sasuke still shakes, but he can breathe again. Gaara's scent goes warm and comforting, his body clearly reacting to Sasuke's stress.
Right. He was in Suna. In his apartment. In bed, with Gaara in one of his shirts, right beside him. Safe. He was safe.
"You're alright. You're safe. I promise."
Sasuke feels shame crawl up his throat, blinking blearily at Gaara - the omegas hair a mess and concern on his face - and shaking a bit. He woke Gaara up. Sasuke feels his face flush in embarrassment. The omega was probably exhausted and Sasuke was taking precious sleep from him...
"I should... I'll go sleep on the couch." Sasuke says, starting to gather himself and stand, "I'll probably have another one, and you get so little sleep already-"
Gaara shouldn't be wrenched awake at night because Sasuke can't control himself. Gaara was already tired. Sleeping was already something he struggled immensely with, and Sasuke knew that rest didn't come easy to the omega.
"You don't have to do that." Gaara tells him, frowning and sitting up, "And if you do, I'm reasonably certain you won't get any sleep out there."
Sasuke runs his shaking hand through his hair, eyes on Gaara.
"You have meetings tomorrow, I shouldn't be keeping you awake just because I can't fall asleep without you-"
"I can't sleep without you either." Gaara says, scent going warm with longing. Sasuke pauses, face flushing. Sasuke wanted to stay, anyway. He just didn't want to deprive the omega of any more sleep for the night.
But... Gaara looked panicked at the thought of Sasuke leaving him, and that has his will wavering. An instinctual part of Sasuke that was pure alpha couldn't just leave when the omega so desperately wanted him to stay. It pretty much has the idea of sleeping somewhere else go up in smoke, compounded with the fact that Sasuke also hated the thought of sleeping somewhere else. Gaara was right. He'd get no sleep out there. Gaara's scent was all over the apartment, but he needed more than that now. He needed Gaara's presence, his touch. And if Gaara wanted him to stay...
The omega gently presses his face to Sasuke's neck, curling into him, "Please stay."
And that's that. Sasuke is coaxed back into bed and wrapped in Gaara's scent, soothed and content. He's relaxed and asleep within minutes.
So is Gaara.
"Does this taste okay to you?" Gaara asks. Sasuke turns and Gaara feeds him some of the soup he's making, since he's chopping the carrots and can't just drop the knife.
"Yeah. It's really good."
"Oh." Gaara says, "Great. I guess I just needed a second opinion. Everything has been tasting off to me lately, for some reason."
Sasuke looks at him, brows furrowing, "You okay?"
"Yes, I think so. It's just strange." Gaara says, "Anyway, the soup stock is finished. Kankuro should be back with the children soon."
Sasuke finds a photo album on Gaara's bookshelf a week after that.
Sasuke was simply skimming all the titles. He knew the books Gaara kept in his home, but every now and again he finds his eyes running across the spines anyway. His eyes fall on one volume that's blank, and once he takes it from the long line of books he realizes it's full of photos. He hears Gaara talking to the children in the kitchen, their excited little voices interspersed with Gaara's soft, fond tone.
Sasuke opens to the first page, curious.
The first photo looks fairly recent, a little brown haired baby with big green eyes, held by a tired looking Gaara. He looks happy though, with his son nestled in his arms.
"Temari took that one." Gaara says, appearing at his side, "Shinki was about eight months in this picture."
Sasuke smiles. The little boy basically still looked the same. Same round face and wide-eyed gaze. He turns the page and sees a photo of Gaara, holding Shinki and feeding him from a bottle. He doesn't look any older than he did in the last picture. Gaara looks like he doesn't even know the picture is being taken, he just looks preoccupied with holding the bottle steady.
There's another with Shinki holding a teddy bear that's almost too big for him and happily chewing on its ear. Another with Shinki in Gaara's lap and Kankuro puppeting a stuffed dog as Shinki laughs.
Sasuke watches Shinki and Gaara's life in pictures, the little boy getting older as Sasuke keeps turning the pages. Gaara points out when some were taken, and Sasuke listens, interested. He laughs a bit when he finds a picture of Shinki covered in cookie dough, looking proud of himself.
"The first time I let him help me make cookies." Gaara smiles, recalling the memory, "Most of it ended up on his clothes."
"He looks happy, though." Sasuke smiles as he turns the page.
The next page's picture is a bit faded and wrinkled, but Sasuke's eyes land on it, and he knows exactly who it is.
"It's you." Sasuke says, looking down at a photo of a small, red haired baby.
Gaara peers over his shoulder again, fidgeting restlessly. He looks distantly uncomfortable, and there's something in his eyes that Sasuke can't quite catch.
"Y-yes. It is." He says, "I...forgot they were in there. I...don't really...look at those."
Sasuke observes the picture, "You were very small."
"I...was born premature." He says, "It's because of the Shukaku I survived at all, I'm sure."
Ah. That explains how small Gaara still is, even as an adult. No sleep for a decade, born premature, and an omega. It makes sense that he didn't get much taller.
Sasuke frowns and turns the page.
"You really don't want to look at those." Gaara rushes to add from behind him, sounding a bit nervous and hesitant, "I was a pretty ugly child."
Sasuke looks at him in pure confusion for a moment, then looks back down at the pictures.
"What? No, you weren't." Sasuke says, surprised. Is that what he thought?
Gaara was cute. Just a smaller version of the omega Sasuke knew so well.
He just...looked very, very sad. Every picture...he had this look in his eyes. A distant torment. He's never seen a child this young look this... depressed . Even Sasuke's baby pictures were at least somewhat happy, simply because his life hadn't gone to shit yet.
"This one...you look happy. " Sasuke says, pointing to one where Gaara is pictured holding his teddy bear and giving the camera a hesitant, small smile. It reminds him of the earlier one, of Shinki, though Gaara's eyes still look incredibly sad, somehow.
"Or...this one." He says, pointing to another picture.
Gaara looks both hesitant and confused, barely able to look at himself in the pictures at all.
"You're never ugly, Gaara." Sasuke says, "Don't say that. If I can't say cruel things about myself, you can't either."
Gaara stopped him from tearing himself down all the time, why would he think Sasuke would let him do the same? Especially over something so untrue?
Sasuke barely noticed most people's appearances (unless they looked like a threat) but he notices Gaara. The omega is quite pretty. Very much so, in Sasuke's opinion.
Sasuke has no idea where Gaara got such a strange idea from. Has he been told that? By who? Was it just a residual effect of being hated so vehemently when he was a child? The thought makes Sasuke angry. Not at Gaara, of course, but at everyone else. Gaara clearly still internalized what he was told when he was a young child. Sasuke can imagine the deep mental scar that could leave.
He's about to tell Gaara his thoughts, but then he sees how the omega's eyes change when his gaze lands back on the photo album - on one picture in particular.
Gaara's face shifts from his usual blank expression and a flash of shock and hurt crosses his features before he stifles it again. But Sasuke sees it clearly. He follows Gaara's eyes and looks down at the next photo.
A small, red haired boy who looks like he hasn't slept in years, and a blond man holding him with a small smile on his face. The man looked tired too, but cautiously happy.
"Gaara? Who is this?"
Gaara is silent for a moment, just looking down at the picture. Something like sadness and raw, unfiltered hurt flickers in his eyes again, before he seems to gather himself.
"My uncle." He says, sounding strained, "Yashamaru."
Sasuke can't tear his eyes from Gaara's face for a second, until he looks back down at the picture.
"He raised me for a while." Gaara says quietly, "He was the only one who didn't avoid me. The first one who showed they loved me. For a while, at least. But it was nice."
'For a while'? Gaara mentioned something about that before, but Sasuke didn't know how to ask the next question. Now he does.
"Gaara, what... happened?"
That naked hurt flashes through his eyes again, and Sasuke suddenly feels terrible for asking. The memory clearly caused Gaara pain, but if Sasuke didn't know what was wrong he couldn't help, and he...he wanted to.
Gaara's helped him so much, over and over again...
"He died." Gaara says after a moment, "I killed him."
Gaara doesn't look at him, instead choosing to stare at the cacti on the windowsill, taking in the Suna sun. He looks haunted, lost in a memory.
Sasuke doesn't for a second believe that's the whole story. Demon sealed in them or not, no child would simply kill the one person who loves them. Not unless something happened.
"It wasn't your fault." Sasuke says, quietly, "I can tell."
"How can you know that?" Gaara asks, sounding a bit bitter, "I did it. I killed him."
No. There was more. There was always more to Gaara.
Sasuke turns to fully face him, eyes on the very still omega beside him. He reaches for Gaara's hand, almost without a thought. That's what Gaara does for him when he's struggling, and it helps immensely just knowing that someone is there . Next to him. Willing to take his hand. Tension leaks out of Gaara slowly, Sasuke's scent going strong and comforting, trying to get the omega to look at him.
He can't help asking, though. He needs to know. He needs to know how to help.
"Gaara. What did he do?"
The omega's face goes surprised and his scent goes a bit sour, clearly not expecting Sasuke to ask such a question.
"What makes you think he did something?"
"Because you wouldn't do that."
"I would. I did. I was crazy."
"No. There's more than that." Sasuke says, "He did something. You wouldn't hurt him unless he attacked you, or-"
Gaara looks away.
"Did he attack you?"
Gaara is silent for a long moment where he looks torn between revisiting old pain and stomping it down, trying to forget.
"It was a long time ago. It doesn't matter now."
Something about that sounds wrong to Sasuke. He thinks for a moment, holding the omega's cold hand, before he can figure out what he means to say.
"But it still upsets you." Sasuke says, "So it matters. You...don't have to tell me. But it does still matter."
Gaara looks at him for a moment, various different emotions warring in his eyes. He looks like he sort of wants to cry, or look away. He frowns to himself, looking down at his hands before he nods and stands, "I should...go check on the children."
Sasuke watches him go, and Gaara avoids his eyes for the rest of the night.
"Sasuke?" Gaara asks, sounding apprehensive and guilty in the dark as he reaches for him that night. They're in bed, curled around each other as usual.
Sasuke is just happy the omega is talking. Sasuke wasn't hurt by Gaara's avoidance of the topic, but he was worried. Gaara helped him so effortlessly, but Sasuke doesn't know how to make things go as smoothly as the omega clearly does. Sasuke's clumsy attempts to let Gaara talk and air some of his pains probably hurt him more than anything.
"I upset you." Sasuke says, "I'm sorry."
"It wasn't you." Gaara says, "I'm sorry, Sasuke. I just haven't thought about all of that in a while. I guess I still run from it every now and again. It's a habit I've been trying to break for years."
"That's alright." Sasuke says, "I just...want to make sure you're okay."
"I know." Gaara says, taking his hand, "I shouldn't have just left like that, or shut down afterwards. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize." Sasuke says, squeezing his hand, "You didn't do anything wrong at all. You didn't want to talk about it. I understand. Are you okay?"
Green eyes meet his and something passes through them. Something Sasuke can't catch thanks to the dark.
And then Gaara tells him. His voice is quiet and even as he speaks, telling Sasuke about his father, his uncle and what happened years ago. How his father was cold and distant, treating Gaara as a weapon but never a son. How he washed his hands of Gaara eventually and handed him off to his uncle. Being constantly kept away from his siblings. Being screamed at in the streets, every day, constantly. The villagers sneering, throwing rocks that his sand would catch. His uncle trying to kill him at the age of six, telling him no one loved him and that he was indeed a monster. That his mother's love - the one thing he clung to that made his lonely existence worth anything - was a complete farce. Sasuke learns that's when Gaara carved the kanji into his skin, a small child turning to self harm to feel anything at all.
Then what his reanimated father told him during the war. That it was all a lie. A ploy to see whether Gaara could contain the beast sealed inside him in times of emotional distress. He was loved, and all those years of pain were for nothing.
Sasuke can't really stop himself from being angry, so he doesn't try. He just fumes and listens, biting the inside of his cheek so hard it bleeds.
He barely notices the metal taste that fills his mouth. He's too full of disgust and rage at what he's hearing to pay it much mind. Sasuke unclenches his fist and takes Gaara's hand, squeezing.
Sasuke doesn't know how else to describe what the omega's father and uncle did to him other than to call it mental torture. Because it was . That's an unforgivable thing to do to a child. A child who was already viciously depressed, lonely and insecure.
That sort of thing could completely shatter one's trust in anything or anyone forever. He wonders what else Gaara had to work through to even be able to have the emotional availability to form bonds again, much less be able to help others. He's in awe of the omega's internal strength and yet so angry that he even went through such things in the first place.
By the time Gaara finishes he looks drawn and exhausted, his voice nearly a whisper and his eyes avoiding Sasuke's once more.
"Gaara-"
"I'm okay. It's okay."
"No, you're not. And nothing about that was okay." Sasuke says, dropping Gaara's hand only to pull him closer. It felt like the right thing to do. It's what Sasuke wants to do. Just pull Gaara close and tell him that was wrong. That he deserved better and that Sasuke wouldn't let something like that happen again. So he does. He says all of that, because it's the truth.
Gaara looks a bit panicked at his words, his eyes refusing to meet Sasuke's, his shoulders tense. He still curls up close to the Uchiha and trembles, though. Like he'll fall apart if he moves an inch away from the alpha and his scent.
Sasuke doesn't stop telling him what he deserves to hear, though.
"You deserved a father who saw you. Not a weapon. But I...know you know that. Logically, anyway. But you still blame yourself for a lot, I think. Things you shouldn't be hard on yourself for. Of course you lost it. You were only six."
Gaara finally is able to look at him, and the look in his eyes makes Sasuke want to cover him in his scent and make sure no one hurts him again. They'd have to get past Sasuke first.
"I think we both need to be less hard on ourselves. You taught me that, remember?" Sasuke says, running his hand through Gaara's hair. It's soft. Sasuke does it again.
Gaara looks a bit shaken, like he could cry. Sasuke wonders how long it's been since he heard someone say that to him. That he didn't deserve it. Of course Gaara knew they were wrong to hurt him like that, but something that awful…Gaara probably needed to be reminded every now and again.
Sasuke pulls Gaara closer, wrapping his arm around him and pressing his face to Gaara's hair. He closes his eyes, just scenting the omega tucked next to him.
Gaara clings to him, trembling just the slightest bit.
"Please stay." Gaara breathes, and he sounds like Sasuke's never heard him. Weak. Needy. Wanting. Vulnerable.
He wanted Sasuke to stay close to him. He can't see Gaara's face, but the purely protective instincts that rise up in him cause Sasuke's scent to go warm and strong.
"Of course." Sasuke says, "You don't even have to ask."
Sasuke holds him close, and feels Gaara's quiet tears on his neck until the omega falls asleep.
Sasuke brings the cat the next time they stay at Gaara's place. She's going to have to get used to the Kazekage's apartment eventually, and Sasuke is tired of sending clones home to play with and feed her. It's easier to just bundle her into the cat carrier he buys and bring her along. Gaara gave him a key weeks ago, and when he unlocks the door to the Kazekage's home Sarada barrels inside, hugging Gaara tight before darting off to find Shinki. Sasuke greets Gaara and lets the cat out of the carrier.
She sniffs around for a while, climbing things and swatting at curtains until she sets her sights on Gaara, who sits under the kotatsu.
Akumi-chan sniffs around the omega for a moment - extra interested in the Kazekage for reasons unknown to either of them - before she simply drapes herself over his stomach and begins to purr, kneading him with her tiny paws.
"Hm." Sasuke says, amused, "She's never done that before."
"Really?" Gaara asks, "I wonder why she feels so inclined to do so now."
The cat purrs at the omega's middle, like she knows something they don't.
"She probably just likes you." Sasuke tells him.
The omega scratches her head, "I'm flattered."
The cat simply mews at him.
"Dinner is almost ready. I started making some rice, but it smelled terrible for some reason." Gaara says, frowning, "So I settled on hot pot. I hope that's alright."
Sasuke turns to look at him for a moment, before he says, "Sounds good. You look tired. I'll take over."
Gaara looks startled for a moment, like he didn't expect Sasuke to notice his fatigue. Then his eyes go warm again.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah." He says, "No rice. I can do the rest."
Gaara nods, leaning on the table slightly, his head in his hand. He blinks slowly, looking drained.
Sasuke frowns, "You okay?"
"Yes, I'm alright." Gaara says quickly, hardly thinking.
"Gaara…"
Sasuke knew he was simply answering without considering how he really felt. These last few weeks taught Sasuke that Gaara had a habit of just flippantly saying he was fine when someone asked sometimes, and Sasuke now knew to ask again.
"I've been a bit... nauseous and dizzy all day." Gaara says, "I might've eaten something that didn't agree with me."
"Have you eaten anything since?"
"No." He says, "I didn't feel well enough to bother."
Sasuke frowns, pressing his hand to Gaara's forehead. No fever…
He pours the omega some tea and hands it to him.
"Hopefully this will settle your stomach." He says, looking at Gaara with concern.
"Thank you, Sasuke."
He sips at the tea and squeezes Sasuke's hand, grateful.
That night Gaara rides him slow, and Sasuke presses lips and teeth to Gaara's shoulder, his arm wrapped around the omega's waist as he moves.
Sasuke can't think, all he can do is feel. Gaara's so tight around him, and he felt so good pressed against Sasuke's body. He clutches the omega tight, leaving bites along his shoulder and collarbone. Desire slinks through Sasuke's blood.
Gaara gasps and Sasuke takes the chance to kiss him, shoving his tongue in Gaara's panting mouth.
They lose their rhythm a bit, absorbed in kissing and tasting each other. Gaara's hands tangle in Sasuke's hair and it's almost surprising how good something so simple can feel. That heated ball of want in Sasuke's stomach grows tighter, more scorching. They move together, as Gaara trembles in his lap and Sasuke tastes his skin, leaving finger shaped bruises on Gaara's hip.
When they finish they stay together, sweaty and exhausted, panting into each other's skin. They don't say anything for a while. They don't need to.
Sasuke shoves his face in Gaara's neck, inhaling that sweet, rosy scent, only barely resisting biting down.
Tension leaks from his shoulders at the feeling of warm, soft skin. He feels gentle hands in his hair and he lets out a breath.
And like always, he has the onslaught of thoughts that scream to just bury his teeth in that pale neck and mark him.
They haven't talked about it, and he couldn't take that choice away from Gaara, but it was so, so tempting. Did Gaara even know what thoughts Sasuke was having, so close to the place where he could just bond him forever? Tether him to Sasuke until they're both no more?
Surely Gaara wouldn't let him this close if he knew what Sasuke wanted.
Or...or maybe he would.
"Sasuke?" Gaara asks, voice even in the dark, "Are you alright?"
Sasuke is still heavy inside him, and Gaara is still flushed and tight around him, bruises blooming across his collarbone.
"Yeah." Sasuke says, pressing his lips to Gaara's shoulder, "Yeah, I'm fine."
"What're you thinking about?"
"Would you...let me bite you? Bond you?"
The question is out before Sasuke can stop it.
"I would. Why?"
He didn't expect that answer. At least, not so quickly.
"You...you would?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Gaara says, blinking at him in the dark.
Sasuke feels like his face is on fire. He's grateful for the dark. Then he sees that Gaara's cheeks are still flaming red too.
"This isn't something that has to be decided now." Gaara says, "We can wait. We should, actually. So it's right."
"Right...make sure we're ready." Sasuke says. He understands and it makes sense, but he can't help feeling a bit of longing. He wanted and wanted and wanted …
In time. Patience. There was nothing to rush.
"That's perfectly fine with me." Gaara smiles gently. Sasuke nods, still refusing to move his face from the omega's neck. His scent was strongest there, and Sasuke wanted to stay just like this. Warm and close to him.
Gaara's hands run through his hair and he curls closer to the omega, shoulders relaxing.
Safe.