"Evening, all. What's been happening- Bloody hell!"

I swerve to avoid the thing that's been thrown at my head. It hits the shelves behind me, knocking off several items for sale. Demon Girl lets out a panicked, "Hey!" while the Watcher starts scolding the Slayer.

Of course it was her. No one else would be able to throw something with that much force.

"You mind, Slayer?" I tell her. "I get enough headaches as it is, what with this chip zapping me all the bloody time."

The Slayer rolls her eyes. "Then stop trying to murder people."

"Hey, G-Man, getting back to repeating things for everyone in the room who didn't hear you the first time, mostly me," says Harris, "what did you say this thing does?"

The thing in question rolls up to my foot, and I realise it's the Dagon Sphere.

"From what I can decipher," says the Watcher, leaning over one of his dusty old books, "the Dagon Sphere lights up whenever it is being held by the Keepers of the Key."

"Which is why it turned into a funky rave ball whenever I touched it," says Buffy. "But Giles, it says Keepers. Plural. More than one person. What does that mean?"

The Watcher shrugs. "I suppose it means you will have allies who are supposed to help you guard the Key."

"Like us?" Harris suggests.

"But the sphere doesn't light up when any of us hold it," Glinda points out.

Bloody Scoobie meetings. Boring as watching grass grow. It's a wonder they get anything done, with them all shouting out random theories that make no bloody sense. I absentmindedly pick up the sphere and tuck it under my arm like a football.

I want to duck out, but I don't have a choice. If I wanna be part of this, I need to know what's going on. Buffy had better appreciate the fucking sacrifices I make to help her.

Red manages to speak up over the other useless suggestions getting thrown around. "There should only be two Keepers of the Key, because it only takes two people to make a baby."

"But it was the monks who turned the Key into a baby," says Harris.

"Well, yeah, but you can't make a baby from nothing, or even one person," Red continues. "Guys, I think the Keepers are supposed to be the baby's parents. There needs to be a Mommy and a Daddy. Buffy's the Mommy, and the other Keeper has to be the Daddy."

"That makes a great deal of sense, Willow," says the Watcher. "And it would narrow down our search to someone who is male."

"It's not you or me, Giles," says Harris. "Which is great, since that would be really awkward either way."

"That means it could be Angel." The Slayer looks fucking hopeful at that. I think I wanna hurl. "Or even Riley. Great, after all that trouble of trying to hide this from him and his big manly ass not taking it well, he could be the Dad, after all."

"You sound like you want him to come back, Slayer," I tell her. "After what that berk said about you?"

She rolls her eyes. "Of course I don't want him back, after he acted like a big jerk. And I guess it's better we didn't find out before, because he definitely would've wanted us to get married, like, right away, and then I probably wouldn't have found out about his stupid insecurities until after the wedding, and divorces are expensive…"

Her gaze drifts back to me as she talks, and her voice trails off. Then those same eyes that are staring at me go wide.

It takes some moments for her mates to figure out she's looking at me, and then they're all staring like I'm standing here bloody naked.

"What? What's the matter with you lot?"

It's Harris who wordlessly points at my arm – no, he's pointing at the Dagon Sphere tucked under it.

I roll my eyes and move the sphere into my hands. "You want this thing back, is that it? Could've bloody asked instead of staring at me like I'm-"

There's a light in front of me, and I look down.

The sphere. The sphere has lit up.

Watcher said it's only supposed to light up when it's being held by the Keepers of the Key. And Red said the Keepers are supposed to be the Bit's parents. Buffy's the mother.

Which means…

I drop the sphere like it's burning hot and step back.

"Bollocks."

Everything is still. Everyone is dead silent.

Then the Slayer leaps out of her seat and bolts out the door like the hoards of Hell are after her. Actually, that analogy makes no sense, since she would actually turn and fight the hoards of Hell instead of running from them, and oh bollocks, I'm wasting time on this stupid analogy.

I hurry after her.

She's running because she's in shock, and I don't blame her. I'm in bloody shock, too. I lost the ability to have kids over a century ago, and now…

I'm gonna be a dad. Bloody hell, I'm gonna be a dad.

Suppose that's why the demon is acting all protective over the Bit. It sensed that the baby's mine, and is reacting accordingly. I wonder if it explains why I'm head-over-heels in love with Buffy, but I don't think so. Pretty sure I was in love with her before all of this started; I just hadn't admitted it to myself.

Speak of the Slayer, she's already halfway up the street when I spot her, and I quickly catch up. "Buffy-"

Her fist collides with my face with enough force to send my flying backwards. There's blood coming out of my nose, and I resist the urge to lick it. The last thing I need is her seeing my true nature when she's in the middle of a bloody panic attack.

"Get away from me," she says. There's a slight tremble in her voice, but she still manages to sound cold and firm.

I pull myself to my feet. I know why she's acting like this: she's scared. And her hormones aren't helping her process all this in a healthy manner. But that doesn't push away the hurt of her rejection.

"This is a laugh and a half," I tell her. "You were happy for my help when this all started, but now that it turns out it's my kid, you wanna push me away? Thought that would give you more reason to trust me."

"I should never have trusted you!" She keeps backing away, keeps trying to put distance between us.

And I keep trying to close that distance. "What, you think I had something to do with this? I'm just as clueless as you are, Slayer. No one came up to me and asked if this was what I wanted. But you know what? I don't give a toss. Because I love this kid more than anything else in this world."

"No, you don't!"

I bark a laugh. "I think I know my own heart, Slayer. You can't tell me what I can and can't feel."

"But you can't feel! That's the point!" she screams.

"How do you explain my demon, then?"

She sputters out an answer. "That-! It-! It's probably just reacting to the spell! But you can't love! So… so stay away from me!"

I narrow my eyes at her and take another step closer. "You can't keep me away from my own flesh and blood."

With another punch, she sends me sailing away from her once more. I land hard on the pavement and look up at her.

There's the threat of death in her eyes when she says, "Watch me." And then she turns on her heel and storms away.