The young blond pondered about how in the everliving hell did he not get a cardiac arrest. He could've sworn his heart raced three times faster than the healthy amount.
He was not calm. He was not able to bring himself back to earth, back to where he should be, stoic and unassuming. No, his heart thundered in the ribcage—it was a big surprise as to how it didn't break bones with the thrashing around it was doing.
He was walking to Genesis' dormitory. To enjoy a nice dinner with him, his upperclassman, his idol, his crush.
When that five lettered word came into his psyche, his heart stopped for a moment. It finally tired of doing the manic jumping jacks it was doing and resorted to beating slower, returning to normal. He was crushing after his upperclassman who has been nothing but a friend to him, someone who shared interests in some hobbies, who stared at him with those beautiful baby blue eyes.
This very same boy who seemed to be Sephiroth's moral compass, Angeal's only friend from Banora. As a matter of fact, he was the sole friend of the two who spent their childhoods in an isolated setting. Sephiroth due to ShinRa Academy's capricious methods, and Angeal… he really sure why. The raven-haired Captain of the Fencing Club had the personality of one of the best people Cloud could list.
Honourable, integral, kind, strong, cool, and friendly. The blond could list more but none came in this moment of racing thoughts.
It was perhaps one of the strangest parts that Genesis seemed to be the one keeping the two together, so adhesive with his lack of restraint, with his openly expressive ways. Cloud was sure that Angeal and Sephiroth wouldn't have conversed as much as they currently did if Genesis wasn't the one who started weaving the web—whether they were good conversations or not.
Genesis was very, very exclusive with who he wanted as his friend. He didn't just interact with anybody. He was only talkative as Sephiroth and Angeal were a little too quiet to speak over him, even stoic for they were satisfied with whatever they got. Outside of his friend squadron, he didn't even glance at people, keeping those azure eyes skyward, or on the book that never left his hands or blazer. If students commenced an interaction with him, it was curt and with a sneer that was warning them of the implication of bothering him needlessly.
That was what earnt his "arrogant" title by most students.
Cloud was only in luck that Genesis did not dismiss him after their first talk. Lady fortune came to his hand when he piqued his interest by showing his knowledge on LOVELESS. Had he not done so; he would've been set aside by the auburn teen as just a 'cute face but with no soul under it'.
It became common knowledge that Genesis does not waste time. Either be worth his fleeting seconds or be gone.
What had Cloud's heart shriek was not how Genesis was his two friend's glue, but.. Genesis was the same person as the idol Cloud held to the highest pedestal, on the same footing as Sephiroth, on a spectrum elsewhere. The auburn upperclassman must've assumed that the blond was only crushing after him due to his revealed identity as Gackt.
And certainly, Cloud did not have a crush on Gackt. He admired the heck out of him, that much was correct. Love? It didn't seem as that.
These feelings inside of him, the thrill in his nerves, the warmth in his heart, the inability to focus in his mind.. these developed over the passage of time spent with Genesis, rather than the telly segments of the singer he so looked up to. Gackt was more of a hero to him, someone who would never be in equal footing to him due to being five steps ahead. The one who he wanted to bunch into his arms, the one he wanted to.. wanted to kiss was not Gackt the beautiful, flawless and dark humoured singer, but Genesis: the bright, slightly temperamental, literary savvy and Head of the Drama Club.
He was sure in this moment of solemn given to him, courtesy of Genesis who seated him on the scarlet couch near the telly while he prepared something in the kitchen, that Cloud realized he really, truly deeply loved Genesis for being Genesis. That being said, if Genesis did not feel the same, he was going to put all his possible effort to back away—not without the request to be friends with him.
It was going to be hard to keep his space after the rejection. For the auburn teen, he was going to try. He couldn't afford to be selfish.
"Cloud, are you a fan of spaghetti?" Genesis' soft voice rang out from the other side, uncertainly laced in that smile. Cloud gave a rapid nod in response and the teen rushed back in, not so subtly muttering, 'oh thank the goddess'.
It was cute to see that he wasn't the only one nervous.
The telly on the wall of the larger room displayed some strange program, calling it "Turk Supernatural Investigation", with the actors who were playing the 'Turks' strangely resembling the members of the Student Council. Heck, they were using the same name for Gaia's sake.
Did the students consent to their names and closely alike faces to be used on screen like this? His brother would surely refuse… they guys looked a lot older than their real-life counterparts, and their voices were quite off, Cloud was snickering at how it sounded like Reno had a second try at puberty.
Tseng was the only one who had effort put into his character, resembling the Treasurer if his hair was a little shorter.
For some reason, he was watching it with the enthusiasm of a puppy who caught sight of a flying frisbee. While Genesis was in the kitchen presumably warming up their dinner, Cloud focused on the strange program. He contemplated texting his brothers about it, finding Lazard's name appear in the mentions, but not one of Rufus.
Lazard was the oldest after all, Rufus was the middle, leaving Cloud to be the youngest. Lazard and Rufus were deeply involved in the business side of ShinRa Academy, while Cloud centered on wherever Zack went, finding himself wishing to spend less and lesser time with his intimidating brothers.
The "Turks" were exploring a spot in Midgar which they called the "Sector 5 Slums", meeting up with a couple of children and adults who were writhing away, too poor to survive the harsh conditions that Midgar's atmosphere was falling into due to the Mako concentration all over the place, the Lifestream depleting for some reason.
Of course, this is Cloud's first time ever watching this show, he had no idea of the history of what these guys were working with, what they meant by some of the terminology they used and what the goal of all this was. He doubted Genesis subscribing to this, busy schedules and all, and lack of interest. He was more of the soap-opera/sitcom kind of guy, as far as Cloud could go in the assuming game.
He wouldn't be surprised if Genesis made one, given the Drama Club, his musical career…
"You really watching that Turk show thing?" gloved in oven-mittens and holding a pan that held their dinner, Genesis had an incredulous brow raised at him, smiling as he set the pot on the coffee table. "Wonders never cease.."
The blond bellowed a laugh, following Genesis' still raised brows.
"There's a first time for everything." He could only answer, unsure if the show was so bad it was good, or it was just on the alright scale. The acting and the character setting had him unable to take it seriously, but the topics were so.. irregular, it lived up to its title. "It's gotten me to think about some of the mysteries of the Planet."
"Indeed," the auburn boy made a quick march to the kitchen cabinet to pull bowls and cutlery before returning to him, seating himself on a recliner right across the couch Cloud sat on, "to ponder the mystery in itself is a gift."
Cloud smiled a little at that, "the gift of the goddess.. does it exist?"
"Oh yes, yes it does." Bright blue eyes gleamed. "Her gift.. everlasting."
The food that was placed infront of them had a great aroma, and Cloud's stomach made a funny growl as he took in the scent so inviting, so cruel to his hungered belly. Genesis handed him the tongs to pull the stringy noodles, busying himself with a glass of water. The blond almost raised a brow at the choice of beverage, expecting for a moment that he would delight himself with wine or something in homage to Banora, but all he picked after was a cold drink of Sprite.
Was he trying to keep himself in check? Preventing himself from drinking silly and committing an action he would soon regret..
He must've been gandering for too long that he was greeted with an amused smile by the older teen. The tongs were a sudden weight in his hand that he couldn't carry, slipping back into the bowl in a careless drop.
"You're just about fifteen years old, aren't you, Cloud?"
At the question of his age, the blond almost threw another fit of laughter. That's what he was curious about?
"I'm becoming nineteen this August, Genesis." He answered in a matter-of-fact style, baffled that the auburn teen thought of him of a wee child and not one who was close to his age. Sure, he was youthful, a little short, but time was going to change that. He was old enough to be of drinking age, and old enough to have his forms signed at the Academy.
Did Genesis think he brought his mother everywhere?
"I was quite certain that…" Genesis blinked before glancing at the floor as if he had a revelation revealed to him. Was he expecting the blond to be much younger than him?
"I apologize if it's something that bothers you…" He wouldn't understand why that should be a problem, but if it ruined his only slight chance with the beautiful upperclassman, he'll take it as it is.
"No, not at all! I was just.. surprised, is all." Seeing the ever-smiling male jump and raise his hands in defense was truly an adorable sight. Did Angeal and Sephiroth see this shy side of Genesis often? Cloud would completely understand the softness in their eyes every time he was involved.
For how strong and confident he carries himself to be, being the one who gives directions to his squadron, it was cute to see him not that way in private. He was so nervous, so easily flustered.
How many times did Cloud catch him stumbling on his thoughts?
The program returning on air on the telly interrupted them, both of them glancing with slight amusement as the character who played "Reno" ended up screaming as he broke the brake lever for the helicopter he was riding. "Rude" silently contemplated life as he made his way to the door, beckoning Reno to follow him for a little skydiving trip.
Reno exclaimed that he had to be kidding, jumping off the helicopter and land onto the heart of mountainous lands. Indeed, they were kidding, but it was better than dying with the ship.
"Oh, just listen to the bald fellow." Genesis pointed at the screen with an open palm before resting it upon his face, snickering at the bickering agents. "At least parachutes should lessen the fall.."
"Better yet, pack with jet-pack boots!" Cloud joined him in a deadpan tone, and Genesis pointed at him.
"Should've had Cloud in your Black-Ops."
"Turks." The boy corrected, and he earned an indignant brow. "That's what they're called in this mess."
The scene switched to "Tseng" and "Elena" who were trudging through a snowy cave—when did they leave the 'Sector 5 Slums'? They probably heard of the mini incident with Reno's helicopter crash and were investigating the cause of it.
The blond shook his head. It was obvious that Reno simply pulled on it too hard causing it to break. The Turks had the impression that he was attacked by a force that they couldn't catch on their radar. Then again.. Reno didn't have super strength, and the vehicle seems to have damages done on the lower end.
It was burning as if it was struck by a fire spell. No wonder the brakes tore off.
They ate their dinner, Cloud's eyes glued to the screen in sheer curiosity of where this show was heading to, while Genesis started to read some of the theories on his PHS, specifically the spoilers for it. To his misfortune, there were not a lot of discussions about the show that he could access as ShinRa Academy security claimed it was to "avoid conflict".
It was hard not to laugh at Genesis swearing and saying, "just how stupid is censoring any discussion about this show protecting the rights of the students' names used in this? They practically look like them, and it's public!"
It was pretty odd to have it out in the public as if the actors—who were modelled off students, were actual people doing supernatural studies that wasn't open for discussion. What kind of telly show does not have public talks about it?
"They didn't think this through." Cloud could only answer, nearly choking by the cruel fizz of his Sprite. Gosh, this was how he was going to die by Genesis' hands? not exactly his hands exactly, but a drink he provided? Who knows what the food held then. As far as he knew, Angeal's was the only one he could trust blindly.
It tasted pretty darn good, another surprise to him as he didn't expect Genesis to be able to prepare food.
Then again.. he only did instant noodles and tea. No wonder people joked that he was a bit of a twig.
Genesis's clothes dressed him loosely in this moment, looking so very cuddly if Cloud was the kind to like snuggling up to blankets. He had to consider that it was also quite stylish, as expected of his fashionable upperclassman who was the leader of the Drama Club—he could really tell that he was a member of the Club.
That is.. if they had a get-up for that sort of thing.
"I want to find Rufus in this." Genesis craned a little closer to the telly, fingers resting on his chin as he squinted at what was displaying. Cloud had to admit, the high-tech they had in this show was impressive, it was as if they were not green screened but an actual place in Midgar that they had yet to discover. It was massive, something that was not possible for any budget a TV show could have, and something knocked on the back of the blond's head.
It must be a real place, just not in the Midgar they know.
"You think he bribed them not to have him in this?" The auburn boy's question had him nearly rolling on the floor laughing by how much it was so far off of his observation, and the plausibility of such assumption.
"And lose publicity?" he asked incredulously, earning a shy laugh from his upperclassman. "But it is quite strange that we haven't seen him yet."
He was certain that it would be a good incentive to entice adolescents to enroll into the ShinRa Military School. If they were shown to be skilled as these Turks, there would definitely be eager beavers trying to squish their way through, beg their parents that it was a decision neither would regret.
Where was the prestigious family to show off?
Cloud was only in relief that he had yet to make an appearance. No way did he want to be associated with them in any sort of way. Rufus might be the only one they would be proud to have, being that middle child who was the only "worthy heir", Lazard to an extent. Cloud? Never in a million years.
"Maybe they're saving him for the last episodes.." Genesis mumbled in conclusion, reeling back before giggling once again, "I have to get Angeal and Sephiroth to watch this. They could pick something at it."
"You think Sephiroth would actually like it?" It was at least funny to imagine the passive silver pillar of stone called Sephiroth to be hooked to a telly show that was either staged or something in another universe. Maybe it was an inter-dimensional link somewhere within the gates of electricity.
"That's what I fear, Cloud. He's.. bound to be hooked to this." Genesis answered, seemingly downcast by the chances. At least, Cloud was not too far off with his silly thought process. It was noticeable that Genesis wanted the silver teen to be interested in the literature that he so loved before he could like something else. If there was something he disliked, he would prefer if Sephiroth agreed, rather than chew him out for it, or mention it to drive him up a wall.
This alone had Cloud realizing that the oldest of the squad kind of… babied Sephiroth. There was fear in his tone when he sulked about how the silver teen would probably be all over this show, intrigued by the usage of the Lifestream as an energy source, these studies on the Slums, also the technology they used within it. It must be close to home for him, to his previous line of work before the Academics brought a change in schedule.
He was a prodigy, there was no telling what he used to do before he befriended Angeal and Genesis. Only that he had a high reputation for maintaining the peace in Midgar.
That's also why Genesis was pretty close to the younger teen. He must've been teaching him the concepts he missed out in learning, in experiencing and he was offering it to him in his own intrinsic manner.
"Why do you mother him, Genesis?" he didn't want to perceive his friend through mere hypothesis after hypothesis. If there was anyone who knew Sephiroth, it was Angeal and Genesis.
"I mother him?" he raised a brow, and Cloud nodded. "Surely, you jest."
"I'm not. There's a certain way to care for friends, and a way to care for children. With Zack, Angeal and I, you seem more friendly than you are with Sephiroth," when he received a couple of blinks in retaliation, he continued, "more than to Angeal, he seems attached to you like a little chick to the hen. He doesn't move until you do, he associates with people you do. He loves people when you do."
Genesis' eyes were wide, encouraging Cloud to keep going, "I know he may be a little.. awkward around people, but he seems almost completely dependent on you."
I thought he was in love with you, and I think.. that would be alright. We still need to figure out what we're all feeling.
It all came around in a circle. The reason for his fear of confronting Sephiroth was not because it was the same as meeting a suitor for Genesis, but a son who was spreading his arms to shield his mother, his parent that was not too strong to fight back the influence their crush imposed on them.
Sephiroth would kill him if he broke Genesis' heart, not steal it from him.
"And I have to say, it scared me when I decided to ask you out. I thought he was going to kill me because I am taking you away from him." Cloud couldn't meet those cerulean that bore into his with what resembled solemn shame and a tinge of pity. He must've realized that he was in fact coddling his friends a little too much, confusing all his feelings for adoration or something more.
Cloud just hoped that he wasn't the only one with the lingering crush.
"I realized now.. I am afraid of letting him down if I reject you." Although reluctant, he forced his gaze up to his, "that's why I have to know, Genesis.. what are you feeling right now?"
It might be a bit for his upperclassman to take in. Being told that his friend was a little too attached to him to grow independent, then an indirect confession of his feelings. If the auburn teen misunderstood, it would seem as though he was trying to drive him away from the silver teen.
Realization was dawning over those bright blue eyes as his lip trembled, cutting his words short by taking in a good breath. Cloud was willing to give him time to mull it over, have it process before he could say something impulsively.
Something neither wanted to hear.
"I… so that's why Seph was giving me those sad puppy eyes," he started, heaving yet another sigh, eyes shifting to the ground and under hooded eyelashes, "I made him feel abandoned—not like a potential, but like a child being set aside.."
From this, the blond caught note that the auburn teen also thought it was a romantic disappointment, not familial. Of course, it was not out of the equation completely, there was a chance that Sephiroth was interested in becoming lovers, but he didn't have the nuances around it. His feelings were still a massive void that would take more time in uncovering.
Two children couldn't do it on their own when they had feelings to get around.
"But how could you love someone born out a tube, Cloud?"
Somehow, his query didn't have the impact that Genesis was searching for, glancing into sapphire eyes.
"Aren't we all just born out of tubes and bottles in the end?"
Azure eyes lowered as cerise lips pressed into a deeper frown.
"You were.. born out of a drunk night. It's no different than being created, is that what you are saying?"
"I am. We're both born without any love, but it doesn't stop us from being loved, does it?" Cloud knew this was the point or now or never. If he stumbled even for a second, it was over. Bearing into the older male's soft eyes, he stared so close, the teen couldn't think to flick his gaze away. With all hope that was in his heart, he hoped he was compelling to the other.
That his point will come across.
"Angeal, Zack, Sephiroth, me.. we still care for you because you are you. Rhapsodos or not, you're still that sassy drama club head, that one upperclassman who teaches me how to properly use materia, still that guy whose smile.. keeps me going, who I admire." Who I love.
A smile made its way to his face as the last bits were spoken, but he didn't care for how embarrassing it all was. For one of the first times in these troubling couple of months, he felt liberated. He was free, and Genesis was the one he could thank.
Genesis was at a loss of words, gnawing on his lip as he took it in. Cloud was prepared to be left waiting for a long time till he finds his answer. He was willing to wait years if that was what it took for the auburn teen to take his feelings into consideration, to take his own and realize what he wanted most. The upperclassman appeared so small and vulnerable in this moment, eyes shifting and drawing to himself, informing Cloud of all the times he didn't bother listening to his needs.
"Seph said the same thing. How birth doesn't determine who we are." Was what came after a ragged breath, and a weak smile offered to the blond. "I wasn't supposed to find out about my parents, and I wasn't supposed to tell Sephiroth nor Angeal, but it all came out one time.."
The small smile lifted with fondness as he lowered his head, "he then told me that he too, was born loveless.. he's figuring himself out with our help. To see what it means to be loved and to love."
Genesis stood from the recliner he was seated upon, steps light as he headed not away from Cloud but close enough to caress his face with a hand. The blond boy turned his head to face those eyes glancing down at him with indescribable warmth. The little smile added to that tender affection.
"What I am feeling.. I don't really know. I'm feeling generous or just overwrought, but I want to try what you want to do."
"What I want to do…?" Cloud repeated, eyes bearing into his upperclassman's. It was difficult not to lose his path in those cerulean eyes that drew him in.
The teen gave a nod at his inquiry that came within a short, careful breath. Cloud was sure what he wanted to do, he wanted to give Genesis the love that he deserved, what the teen didn't know he needed. If Genesis was giving him the chance to show it to him, he was going to take it.
Thus, closing his eyes, Cloud took in a long breath to calm his nerves and let his hand take his and seat him beside him. Once he sat, he cupped the sides of Genesis' face, feeling the soft skin of his thinner cheeks and drew him close, melding their lips into one. Those rosy lips were as soft as they looked, supple and so perfect, Cloud didn't want to part even for a second.
Wishing to see the face of the auburn teen, he parted with a rush of blush bursting onto his chubbier cheeks. Genesis' eyes were closed shut, opening only when he realized they were no longer sharing the same breath. When their kiss had ended.
Cloud caught him as flustered as he became.
"Was that.. your first?" he didn't want to address it, but his gut quite so demanded it. Once again, he was glad to see he wasn't the only one who became a stammering mess. Genesis' eyes shifted the side, with a ghost of a smile on his lips that previously met his.
"I have something to confess in regards to that.. please don't be upset." He answered, bashful and gentle as he was when Sephiroth complimented how important he was, how they could never let him go no matter how "boring" he would eventually become.
"Good, I do too." He reassured, frowning only when his ears caught on the plea by the sweet auburn boy. Upset? If he was not Genesis' first, he'd be more than pleased. First kisses were meant to be with those you care for, not just a passerby. The only reason Cloud could think to be upset of, is if Genesis' first was stolen by a wanker.
He'd be mad at that person, not he.
"You too?" how loosely Genesis smiled told Cloud that he too, was grateful to be their second or third.
"Yeah, before I kissed you, I—" he found a finger press at his lips and raised a brow.
"Let me say it first, since you asked," Genesis' eyes went to the telly that was showing some credits for a show they had long forgotten. "My first kiss was with Angeal. We were fooling around when I became 15, sometime after he said I was more important than his code of honour."
Cloud gaped. At such a crucial moment? He wasn't an expert at knowing facts about his upperclassmen, but he knew enough about Angeal's code of honour, his desperate need to be candour, honest and straight to his word. If he promised something, he would carry it till the end, holding the soul of a true loyal soldier. If he kissed Genesis when he told him how he was more important than the most essential piece of his life…
How were they not lovers?
"Me? I kissed Zack to see how it was. Just a year ago, to be exact, after my birthday. We were joking about getting girlfriends and got around to the topic of kissing and how movies make it the biggest thing in the world. We tried it and laughed our butts off."
Come to look at it, he was a little ashamed that his first kiss was not as dramatic as Genesis' was. His was a very funny story that they slapped around anytime someone mentioned romance and the thrill of kisses of true love.
"Do you feel like laughing your butt off now?" and boy, he nearly did at the sound of that. Before he could ruin the moment, he shook his head, smiling at him. Genesis' smiled breathlessly at him, running his fingers at the dip of Cloud's chin. "Did you like it?"
"I loved it, Genesis." He confessed, caressing the upperclassman's cheeks with his thumbs, "did you?"
"I did quite like it, this too." He pointed at the hands rubbing his cheeks, "is this what you want?"
He gave a nod. Those azure eyes perused through his, trying to find an answer that differed. Did Genesis think he wanted to date someone else but was using him as a proxy?
"And you want this.. with me? You're not doing this with anyone else?"
"Yes." He gave a firm nod with his answer.
"You're not doing this because I'm.. Gackt?" it was there the tower was beginning to crumble. The calm, mirthful upperclassman of his sank, breaking into murmurs, laying his walls down and revealing the not very self-assured and confident lad under it all.
"I can assure you, being Gackt is a bonus for me. I just love my friend Genesis."
The auburn teen merely blinked before his smile grew. "You love someone who is not even a human being?"
Cloud continued caressing his cheeks, frown deepening at his words.
"I don't see anything wrong with it. You are letting me do what I want despite being born of an affair.."
With that, he slipped his arms around the slim waist of his upperclassman, who raised his brows before wrapping his around his shoulders.
"Born of an affair or not, you're my cute little Chocobo who took me out on a lovely date to my favourite play. I really like the idea of doing this with you." Giving the younger teen a kiss on both cheeks, he blinked a couple of times, smiling dumbfounded. "Though.. I'm about to ask a very stupid question."
He gave a little nod. "Ask away."
"What are we supposed to do after this?"
Cloud stared blankly. And.. just stared.
"Cloud?"
And stared.
"Cloud Strife?"
And stared.
"Cloudy.. dear?"
And stared.
"Love?"
And… stared.
Genesis gazed into the camera that suddenly appeared in the room, suspiciously placed right in front of him with a horrified expression, 'did I kill him just now?'