10

TONKS didn't know what she was doing here, alone in the deserted Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, anxiously twirling her wand in between her fingers, all the while trying not to break out in a cold sweat and bite her lip in a fit of anxious anticipation.

She could not shake how Professor Lupin had observed her in the Restricted Section with the gaze of a stranger, that…aloof judgment with no strings at all.

From afar, Tonks could tell the man had made some opinion of her and her character, of which she supposed she couldn't fault him for, as she'd done the same.

She did not mean to speak ill of Remus, he must do this, as must they all.

The witch could not help but wonder what Professor Lupin saw when he looked at her.

Oh, she knew what all those hormone-filled teenaged boys, the fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh-year boys saw whenever they looked at her face.

People had said that she was bright and beautiful; just like her aunt Bellatrix and her mother, Andromeda, which Tonks was not sure that she believed them.

If she were beautiful, she would not have been cast aside when Ollie had broken her heart and dumped her for Norah Jameson, a girl who happened to be her friend, and a werewolf, besides, which she wondered if Lupin would find that interesting, to know that a wolf could have a life outside of that mundane existence.

The man seemed determined to keep people at arm's length, at a distance.

As she waited in silence in the empty Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, she thought she was beginning to understand why Remus John Lupin walked around with such a quiet, reserved manner, hardly talking to anyone.

It was armor, of sorts.

A way to keep people at bay, to stop them from discovering things (like his lycanthropy) that he did not wish them to know of.

To stop them from reading between the lines. Tonks let out a haggard breath and leaned her forehead against her wrists, biting the inside wall of her cheek.

She wanted nothing more than to forget the entire misunderstanding in the Great Hall, and then earlier in the Black Lake with Sirius, but she couldn't.

Those pale gray orbs of her cousin's, seeming to pierce right through her eyes and bearing straight into her soul.

How the man had been spying on her!

Tonks furrowed her brows as she thought of that man. Sirius Black.

How he was rumored to have been something of a womanizer, and she could not help but wonder if that was the reason that she had caught the man spying on her!

She shuddered, the very unpleasant thought making her skin crawl. Merlin's Beard, but she was his cousin!

Tonks wondered if there had been an obvious reason as to why all the women in Sirius Black's old life, if rumors of her cousin's flings were true, why they let him do as he liked.

Though Tonks had eyes, she couldn't quite fully manage to bring herself to trust what she saw through them, considering she never put much stock into a person's appearance, preferring to judge them based on their actions and their personality, how they behaved around other people.

The man that she had laid eyes on that stood on top of that boulder watching her take a forbidden swim in the Black Lake was arresting and strangely hypnotic.

Even Tonks could not deny that the man was most likely not made up of the same flesh and blood as most other witches and wizards that she knew of.

With dark hair that fell in waves to just past the edges of his shoulders, a Roman-like jaw, and a strong, discerning brow, he looked almost otherworldly. Well, almost. Though he had been too far away to make out too many details of the man's face, she'd been able to find no warmth in his pale gray orbs.

Eyes that were almost strikingly close to hers, and Tonks had witnessed Black staring at her with such a direct contempt and disgust that she was sure the forest area around her had instantly become colder, and the water too, besides.

Shivering, Tonks gritted her teeth and wrapped her arms around her middle, wishing she'd thought to bring a sweater or a cloak. It was bloody freezing in this classroom, remembering how Sirius Black had looked at her like she was prey. That was perhaps the moment that she had truly become frightened, maybe for the first time in her entire life.

Tonks was not a woman who scared easily. The truth was, as a newly graduated Auror, Tonks always believed herself to be strong and resilient, traits she had inherited from both of her parents, particularly her mother, Andromeda, and she'd never felt scared of any man before, prior to tonight.

It wasn't as though she lacked experience in dealing with them. There were plenty of times when some bloke in The Leaky Cauldron would come up to her and try to cop a feel or touch her butt.

She'd always managed to fend them off, and even defend herself on a few different occasions.

But… Tonks knew there was something dark, something dangerous about escaped convict Sirius Black, cousin or not, and it had nothing to do with their familial relationship or the fact that he was a mass murderer, and she was an Auror.

Judging by the fact that she had caught him watching her on top of the boulder while she'd swam in the Black Lake to try to calm down her nerves, she made an assessment of the man that Black was unpredictable, unhinged, even.

That smoldering, fathomless look of anger in his eyes, how the skin of his brow was practically pulled taut and tight as he'd glowered at her from his perch.

It was all frankly too much for Tonks's mind to process, but one thing was clear. From what little she saw of him; her cousin was not what she'd expected.

And what was even more puzzling to her, was how Professor Lupin could have been friends with this—this creep, who fancied spying on young women.

Sirius, from his perch on the boulder, had been glaring at her with such anger, that Tonks felt sure he was going to dive into the water alongside her and assault her in the water, or worse, try to drown her and no one would find her.

Tonks did not know what had happened to cause her cousin to change his mind and vanish on the spot, what had made the man change his mind and let her go.

Perhaps he'd heard something that had spooked him and made a break for it, she didn't bloody know, nor did she particularly give a damn right now.

She supposed she should be glad that her cousin seemed to have at least a small amount of mercy, however minuscule, within himself.

Maybe Black had taken pity on her or realized that he would have been caught if he tried anything. Not that that would have given the escaped convict any cause for concern.

Considering he had murdered twelve innocent Muggles and Remus Lupin's old friend, Peter Pettigrew, Tonks was sure Sirius could get away with anything.

But the way that he had looked at her. Torment and pain-ridden on the man's features, just before he had Disapparated, she was sure she had seen that.

The likes of which, she had never seen in another human being before, it being the last thing she expected to see in those pale gray orbs that were like hers.

Tonks wouldn't let herself think this next thought, but the young witch swore the man almost looked… ashamed. Remorseful of his past transgressions.

She could see why the man kept people at bay, not wanting others to see that side of him. Tonks let out a tired sigh and rested her cheek in her right fist.

A noise coming from her immediate left made her jump, startling her out of her musings of Professor Lupin and of Sirius Black and Tonks slid off the ledge of the desk she had perched herself on, her wand at the ready and held out in front of her.

She swore she felt her pupils dilate, even in the dark like this. The young witch bit down on her bottom lip and she practically jumped out of her skin for a second time when the rattling noise came at her again.

Her inquisitive gaze swept the room, and once she saw what it was, the tension in her shoulders melted away and she allowed her body to relax a little.

"Only a boggart," she grumbled, lowering her wand, though she was tempted to open the wardrobe and let the shapeshifter out and deal with it so it was one less thing to trouble Professor Lupin. "No, I—I shouldn't," she whispered to herself, stowing her wand away in her black bag and moving to resume sitting on her perch on top of some poor student's old desk that had been graffitied on.

Tonks nodded herself, a muscle in her jaw twitching. "I should let it alone. He might be keeping it around for his classes," she murmured to herself and was surprised when a male's voice rent the air behind her, startling her for a second time in one night.

His voice.

"You'd be right in that regard, Tonks," Lupin muttered quietly.

Tonks felt her almond-shaped pale gray orbs widen and round in shock as she slid off her perch of the desk and whirled around on the heel of her boot to regard her newly appointed partner, throwing Remus Lupin a furtive, guilty look.

"Remus," Tonks murmured, flinching as she heard the faltering crack and dip in her voice as she assessed the man in his simple brown suit, thinking that it was good to see the teacher in respectable clothing that actually fit his form, lean and somewhat lanky though it was, he was looking much healthier these days.

He just looked at her, and his expression changed into one of worried confusion. His wondrous voice which she had grown accustomed to now had no words as he stepped forward and into a shaft of light streaming in through one of the paned windows of his classroom, and he flinched as the light hit his scars.

But that was not what Tonks was focused on. The light brown of the man's eyes was more radiant than she had expected, rich like hot cocoa, darker than the boughs of an old oak tree in the forest.

She blinked, and then her eyes slowly adjusted to the rest of the man's face.

Tonks felt an incredible fiery heat creep to her cheeks as she quickly came to the realization that Remus Lupin had probably expected her to be afraid of the monstrous scars that marred and littered his face, or stunned into confusion or terror by his appearance, as Tonks slowly was able to put together the information that her reaction to him must not be a common one.

Sweet, charming, imaginative. Kind. Loyal. Quiet. Shy, almost timid, even.

Those were the first thoughts Tonks had of Lupin, not ones of fear or disgust, and a pit began to churn uncomfortably in her stomach as a sharp feeling of cold fear wafted over her and threatened to engulf her entire body completely.

She realized that no, she was not about to hurt her new partner further, and she owed the man an apology for keeping her secret, even if she wasn't ready to tell him yet.

This man had faced a lifetime of ridicule and scorn for his condition that he held no control over, and Tonks knew she was not about to continue that treatment.

Tonks closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

"I…"

Tonks paused in hesitation, struggling to find the right verbiage to use, but in the end, she only had one thing that she wanted to say.

Here it goes.

"I'm sorry, Remus, for how I treated you," she began, right as he began to apologize.

A flicker of movement caught her attention out of the corner of her peripherals, and when Tonks turned her head to the side to glance out the window, she turned to find him staring at her.

Lupin could only watch, amazed and transfixed, rooted to his spot as the soft beams of the waning moonlight hit Nymphadora's tired, pale face and threw everything in this classroom that was currently in shadow into the pearly light.

When her short, shaggy vivacious pink hair came into contact with the soft hues from the moon, it shone with a new kind of radiance and captured the underlying flecks of what appeared to be purple throughout the pink, it was hard for him to tell.

And in that single moment, the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor felt his breaths catch in his throat, and when he opened his mouth to try to speak, it felt as though there were a gag on his mouth, his heartbeats thrummed wildly against his chest, that cage of bone and cartilages, and he felt quite hot suddenly.

Tonks looked…gorgeous.

He tried to swallow down past the growing lump forming in his throat as it hollowed and constricted, cutting off air to his passageways and found that he could not, so he gave up trying, and as quickly as the good feeling had come, that wonderful warm feeling residing in his chest, it vanished.

His heart plummeted to the pit of his stomach, making him feel sick.

How could a witch-like this woman ever want to be paired with someone the likes of him? Why was Tonks willing to spend so much of her time, her life, around a monster, a beast, like him?

Though he had known her all maybe a half-hour now, at best, Lupin could not help but to feel humbled by her presence. That there was an inkling that his new partner could grow to care for a wretched, accursed werewolf like him was almost impossible. Unfathomable.

But why? And for how long? How long would their partnership continue to last before she would leave him for good?

Would she leave once Sirius had been apprehended and escorted back to Azkaban Prison, where he would surely die within its walls or at the hands of the Kiss from a Dementor for betraying James and Lily and murdering poor Peter?

How long before this came to an end?

"Remus?"

"Mmm?" Lupin blinked; the soft sound of that beautiful voice drew him back to reality. He'd been so engrossed in his moment of pity and self-doubt and deprecation that Tonks had somehow managed to close off the gap of space and now stood a mere few feet away from him, the closest she had stood before.

He raised his head to meet the young witch's gaze but the look of utmost concern and something akin to a nervous trepidation in her pale gray orbs was not exactly what Remus had been expecting to see.

Tonks tilted her head to the side and let out a tired sigh as she cocked a delicately arched thin eyebrow in his direction.

Lupin furrowed his brows in a frown, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket in order to hide the fact that his hands were trembling from Tonks.

He inwardly cursed himself for being so nervous around a witch. He'd never acted a fool quite like this before, so why in the name of Merlin was he now?

Tonks, for her part, either did not notice Remus's strange behavior or chose to pointedly ignore it, for which Remus was grateful and silently tried to thank the witch with his eyes. She straightened her head and furrowed her eyebrows.

She let out a tired-sounding sigh, looking towards the window and out at the Hogwarts Grounds for a moment before turning back to Remus.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was small, meek, and sounded barely above a whisper, and Lupin thought that if he had not already been hanging onto his partner's every word, he felt certain that he would have missed her unfounded apology entirely now.

Remus felt his eyes widen in shock and disbelief, and he could not help the shock that seeped into his tones as he spluttered, trying to think of a retort to say.

"Wh—what?" he croaked hoarsely. "What are you sorry for, Tonks?" He flinched and fell silent as Tonks' expression quickly turned from one of remorse into utter confusion, and her lips parted open slightly in shock, though it seemed a moment before the vivacious young witch managed to find her voice again.

Her brows furrowed in a frown as they came together on her forehead as she cocked her head to the side and regarded Lupin with an incredulous look.

"What do you mean, 'what for,' Remus? I hurt you, Professor, that's why."

"What? Hurt…me?" Now Lupin felt more confused than he had only a moment ago outside his classroom with Professor Sprout and McGonagall, which was saying something.

What on Merlin's green earth did Tonks have to apologize to him for? He was the one who had turned away from her in the Great Hall and had not bothered to want to listen to whatever it was that Tonks had to say.

"I am the one who should apologize, Tonks," he muttered. "I hurt you, Dora…"

Tonks stared at Lupin, opening her mouth to say something in response, but Remus supposed she must have thought better of it because she clamped her lips together tightly shut.

He could only watch in silence as his new partner gave a soft sigh and ran her hands through her maroon-colored shaggy long pixie, toying with a lock of her bangs in between her thumb and forefinger as she bit her lip in hesitation before speaking again.

"Maybe," Tonks began, slowly, cautiously, careful to mind her choice of words as she untangled her fingers from her thick hair and offered him a shy smile that caused his heart to pound relentlessly against its cage. "We both apologize for the way that we acted towards one another tonight and try to move forward?"

Lupin hesitated, but only for a fraction of a second. "I think that's a good idea," he answered softly, returning her kind smile with a shy one of his own.

The suspended moment between joy and relief as Tonks drew in a breath and held it, her mind processing Lupin's agreement to her statement, Remus knew, was worth it as the corners of her mouth twitched, her relief expressed by the slightest curve at her mouth's corner and her youthful confidence worn in a slight raise of her eyebrows above her joyful light gray eyes as she smiled back.

Her gray eyes twinkled and seemed to sparkle in delight, and before Lupin had any chance to react, she bounded forward on her heels and launched herself in full force over the close proximity of distance between the two of them and embraced him in a hug, sending poor Remus's mind positively reeling in shock.

The hug was a simple enough gesture—affection, perhaps, dared Remus to hope this next part, even the fragile beginnings of a tentative friendship, in time. The arms that held him were soft and yet strong. The feel of Tonks' body so close to him soothed him more than Remus could have possibly expected.

But within seconds, he pulled away, his mind swimming not with the heady excitement of a new partnership, but thoughts of Nymphadora Tonks, instead. Not their partnership, not what she would think of his lycanthropy when he was comfortable enough to reveal to his partner the truth, but…just…her.

Just her.

Though before he could ponder this startling revelation further, Tonks spoke up again, and he blinked, forcing his mind to return to whatever she was saying.

Lupin blinked again and was stuck once more on those haunting pale gray orbs of hers that reminded him of the last ashes of a deadly wildfire.

"I—I'm sorry that I hurt you, Remus," Tonks whispered, taking a slightly faltering step back and painfully wringing her hands together as she bit her lip and wriggled her eyebrows at Lupin, trying to gauge what his reaction would be. "I just…it's hard for me right now. I—I still can't tell you why, not yet, Remus. I hope that you can understand…but…since we're going to be partners, friends, even, you and I, there's no one that I trust more than you, Remus. You have my back in this relationship, just as I swear to always have yours, sir," Tonks confessed quietly.

Lupin swallowed down hard past the lump forming in his throat as his heart soared at the young witch's words.

Though it was not enough to stop the feeling of dejection and disheartenment that caused his heart to sink to the pit of his stomach, that Tonks still could not tell him exactly what was troubling her, but at least, he supposed that he should be grateful that she'd managed to summon the courage and the resolve to tell him that something was bothering her lately.

Remus nodded mutely, his brain struggling to form the right words, though in the end, his heart spoke for him.

"It is quite all right, Tonks. I'm here for you as your partner whenever you want to talk. I'm sorry that I—"

But Tonks held up a hand and interjected before he could finish.

"Don't," she emphasized darkly, her gray eyes narrowing slightly as she fixed Remus with a pointed stare.

Sensing the hurt and surprised laced on Professor Lupin's lined face, something within her seemed to shift and gave way, and she sighed.

Her expression softened.

"Please don't," Tonks pleaded quietly, lifting her chin, and jutting it out slightly defiantly to meet the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor's quizzical gaze. "There is nothing left to apologize for, Remus. Don't."

Remus furrowed his brows in a frown, opening his mouth to vehemently argue, that Tonks was wrong in this regard, that yes, he had plenty to apologize for, but before he could get a word in edgewise, the wardrobe behind them both gave a loud thumping rattle, startling Tonks and she let out a pitiful little groan.

"Oh, the boggart! I forgot!" She turned around to glance at the tattered old wardrobe and then back to Remus with a mischievous grin featured on her face that he wished he could see more of. "Your third-year-students are in for quite an interesting lesson, Professor, aren't they?" Tonks queried him, quirking her brows in an adorable way, he thought.

"That they are."

Remus was inclined to agree, unable to keep the note of surprise out of his voice as he watched as Tonks eyed the wardrobe containing the boggart with a nervous look of trepidation flitting across her pale face, and then a thought struck him and the question was out of his mouth before he could even think of stopping himself.

"What frightens you, Auror Tonks?" he asked, hoping that his voice sounded nonchalant, light, and casual.

Lupin did not know what had prompted him to ask of his new partner such a personal question barely a day into their new acquaintanceship with one another, but it was already much too late to take back his words as Tonks turned to Lupin, her face pulled tight and taut, and he almost instantly regretted asking.

Every thought seemed focused on masking her fears, shielding them from him, Remus noticed, her pale gray eyes dimmed as Tonks pointed looked at him.

When she managed to regain control of her voice, Remus was surprised to hear the faltering crack and dip in her voice.

"It—it isn't pleasant, Professor. You—you would not want to see, and neither would your students, sir. It would only frighten and confuse them if I were to show it," Tonks murmured, ducking her head in shame.

He hated to admit it to himself, but now, more than ever, his curiosity had been piqued, and he did want to see, though he knew it was wrong to push her.

Remus cursed himself, his jaw clenching tightly shut in anger as his new partner, with whom he had just made amends turned away from him and walked towards the door of his classroom that led back out into the corridor to leave.

He racked his brain as he desperately thought of something—anything—that he could think of to talk about to get the young witch to stay with him.

In his mind, he wanted the time to linger, to be near and close to Tonks.

"Dora, if I have offended you in any way just now, I apologize," he murmured, lowering his voice, and wincing as he heard the desperation seep its way into his voice. "I—I meant no offense just now by asking, but…" Here, he paused, hesitating, biting down on his tongue as he noticed this gave her pause.

She slowly pivoted at the waist and lifted her gaze to meet Remus's. "Yes?"

Lupin racked his brain reeling with possibilities, as he struggled to think of something, and it was in that moment as the boggart trapped inside the wardrobe gave another particularly violent jostle of the wardrobe, causing her to flinch, that he got an idea.

A truly marvelous and yet horrible, all-around-probably bad idea just then.

"I don't suppose you'd care to sit in on my lesson next week on Friday, would you?" he posed, turning to the side so Tonks could only make out his side profile, bathing his face in the shadows so that, in the event that she said no to his invitation, the young witch would not see the disappointment etched upon his scarred, lined face.

It seemed to take her an eternity to find her voice. And then—

"Of course. I'd like that. I'm curious to learn for myself of your teaching abilities if you're as good as everyone else says that you are, Remus. I wouldn't miss it, sir. You should consider yourself lucky. You have a gift. A talent for teaching."

Here, Tonks inclined her head, her hand hovering on the doorknob to his classroom, and Lupin felt his heart soar as she twisted it, and before she could say another word, she shot him a smile and disappeared, leaving Professor Lupin stunned to stare after her, a look of shock on his features.

Tonks would not know it for herself, but her deduction on Remus Lupin's character was one very few in the man's life had ever dared to make, except for those in his life that knew him best.

Nymphadora Tonks had the rare ability to see past a person's exterior and into the inner worlds of those around the witch.

It was this fact that stumped Remus John Lupin and left the man sleepless for the rest of the night, wondering why every time he attempted to close his eyes, he only saw visions of her, those haunting gray orbs, her bright white smile.

She had achieved something that no one in his life ever had, not even the other Marauders. She had gotten the upper hand, holding up the mirror to him.

And it was about to have major changes to their partnership, beyond anything that Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin could have ever imagined.

Glad the two were able to begin the beginnings of making amends to a hopefully beautiful partnership. The next chapter features an unfortunate accident from a certain creature that sends poor Hagrid into a tizzy, but will Tonks' efforts be enough to calm the beast?