Of unsent letters and broken hearts

by teenagerwritingfiction

A series of letters Remus wrote to Sirius and vice versa between 1981 and 1994. They both know that they'll probably never send the letters, but they write them anyway. They're the only Marauders left, they've just lost two of their best friends, their lives have been changed forever; so they seek the comfort of the person they love the most, even if that person is unreachable.

11. Remus to Sirius: 11

September 1, 1993

Dear Sirius,

I saw him! I saw Harry!

When I boarded the train this morning, I sat down in our old compartment, for old times' sake and because, well, it kind of happened automatically. It felt so strange to be sitting there, an adult now, as the only Marauder left. I remember how happy I felt when I got to board the train at the start of each year; I'd be dreaming of just that moment for weeks. I always looked forward to the journey, spending the day catching up with James, Peter and you, and sometimes Lily, Frank, Alice and Marlene as well. We'd play chess and Exploding Snap and eat way too much candy.

And even though I had to sit there alone today, without the laughter and the chatter that used to be there, it was good being able to relive the memories.

I fell asleep after a while though, and when I woke up, it was dark, but I could see there were people in the compartment with me. I vaguely recognized a boy with messy black hair and glasses, and for a moment, it felt like everything was alright, like we were just on our way to Hogwarts and that was James sitting there – but then I remembered. I saw the dark and felt the cold and realized something was wrong, so I told them to stay quiet and wait. Before I could reach the door, it opened and a Dementor came inside. I conjured a Patronus, it left and the lights went back on. I saw Harry and again thought he was James for a split-second. He had passed out, poor boy. I can only imagine what Dementors must feel like to him. I was reminded of you – twelve years stuck in Azkaban with those horrible creatures. And now you've escaped. Where are you? Is there still a piece of the Sirius I used to know inside of you?

I gave them all chocolate – good thing I always have some with me, as you'll remember. Harry, two redheaded kids, a girl with messy brown hair, and a boy with Alice's face. I remember how happy she was when she got her son. Neville, that's his name. Of course, that was before she and Frank were tortured to insanity. Poor Alice. They were so young, just like Lily and James.

It's great to be back at Hogwarts. The feast was amazing, though it felt so wrong to watch it from the teacher's table this time. It also felt strange to be sitting next to professor McGonagall, who had to tell me to call her Minerva seventeen times during the meal. Snape sat a few seats away from me. I haven't really had the chance to talk to him yet, and he hasn't made it easy for me either. When I tried to thank him for agreeing to brew the Wolfsbane potion for me and ask him if we could start over with a clean slate, he just ignored me. Hopefully things will go better later this week.

Well, I should probably go to bed, because I'm tired and my first day of teaching starts tomorrow. I should also probably hide this letter, because what if I'm late (because we both know I'm always late) and someone will come in to look for me, finding a letter to an escaped mass murderer on my desk? Not a good look. Especially not on my first day. It's strange that I'm still writing you, after twelve years. Some people have a journal, some people have unsent letters to convicted mass murderers, I suppose.

Love, Remus