I finally woke up in my dorm again with an extreme hangover from the last party we had. I'm a h3xy witch in slithering and we had a rteally wild party yesgterday for some reason, Idk maybe our team won in uidich or howvever the sport is called. i put on my school uniform and cloak and decided it looked way too boring so I cut some holes in it to make it look ore edgy and went for some late breakfast cocktale at 3pm. cuz nothing beats hard liquor in the mornung, I meanm yes I said it was 3pm, but thats still morning in someplace on the earht. I wasnt alone either way cuz I had my bff sharlet with me who was also an extreme alcoholic and we would always just brew some really sik cocktales in our potion classes, but it was cool bc out teacher schnaps was also an extreme alcojolic so he would always give us rteally good grades and get wasted in class with us.

so me and sharlot were just aking some cokctelaes when we ralized we neede to make some moontise coktale again cuz we are vamprises of course. I mean if a teacher can be a weewwolf why tf wouldn te be able to be vampires? and of course bc we need moonshine for the coctale and it doesnt exist in wizard worl so we have to go to the muggle world (ehcih are jsut normies without cool magic powers like me) and we took the flying car from some looser from the friffendor dorm.

so we ginally got the the iwuor store and were abt to leave when I saw a relyl hot fuy there, and ofc I knew who it was cuz it was the hawtws boi in school and my biggest crush drago. ofc he was there his dad probs owned the shop even if it was supposed to be a human store, prosb just a secret lair for the deathearters or whatever the cult was called.

anyways I banged draco ucz he's Enoby whoed up and said "hey Draco's mybiiggest crush ya cunt" and I said " yeah since ur my right hand cunt you can have him" and ahe was like "yesh I heart draco" and drove a steak into his heart and the bowth were dead. I was like "pity, this enoby girl seemed to be chil"

I had more urget atters to atted to, howecver. Which were snorting coke. So I went to find my dealer, Eliza, she's ma cunt, y'know, and while I was getting it frpm her, the news paper reporter Rita skeeter whoed up, only, she didn't quit look like herself, and i came to and was like "omfg SCOOTS?" and he said "YEAH its me, Scooter , ins an old womans# body omg wtf is wrong with me?"" and I realized wr're like totalyll in another universe and that scoots now skeeter sucks, but hey, I'm atan, rent's i, so I can make him however I wan.t- So I made him into Scooter, my twin brother, and I was so glad to hve him back, we banged reagl food.

kikjuh ölhgirjdhsgvc mnbl,n-,#mä:5to4ltgfgfvbvbh9e8duzsaghad y'all my puzzy typed this cameo of ma lil Jimmy y'know?

Then Scoots and I were "hey werÄre in the false universe, how do we get back h0m3?§

and he said "well with Enobd'y ehlp, ovvsly, cuz she's a satanist , and ure Stan, sp I mean ... ?"

shiiit I killed that hoe cuz she was after my crush and I was like "wait, we came to that fandom cuz we already did everything in the old weorld and got bored, why would we go back again?"

and then there was only that weird silec and scoot started with "what abtout dea-" and I was like " OMG WE FORGOT DEADWARD WHAT THE DUCK" and right after i said that my pet duck appeared and was like "wtf is your problem now master or did you do a typo by speaking again?" and Im like omg my pet duck is also here.

I did the only logical thing I could think of: I killed it. And then I cooked and ate it, Chinese style. I know it kinda was my adovpive kid, but I split up with its dad a long time ago, rigt? so who even cares= no one doeas, that's it.

Then while at a party it started playing "Is anybody out there" and there qwre green lighrs flashing, it was like in Coldmirror's video when she dubbed Harry potter and made the scnee where his parents die into a party scene . Only Harry's parenty didnÄt die this time cuz tey were already dead. But in order to keep the spirit we resurrected teir spirits – ye5 I can cut i', Satan – and we prtied wirh them. But Harry's a satanis not two, u would know that if you read Enoby's story, ao he offed his parents himself, cuz thats what satanists do. And my pet duck ate their remains. It left their skeletons behint however, now a bunch of dead bones rose trom the dead an dances like an Egyptian- of sorry. the walked. They were on their way to Egypt to kill su vampires. Sum haaawt vampires. Anyway I dont' get why they would do that but I guess some people wud understand and find this funny or whatever? it's uppoed ro be som kinf of reverence whar I don't get.