My dear little broccolis💚💚💚

💚 So, I want to clarify something, Ana never called Christian a sodomite. She said that if he cared about her honour, he couldn't let people talk about him and say he was, because what does it say about her as a woman? She knows he is not gay, he has sex with her (and Leila).

💚 Also, remember the evolution of the meaning of words. What we call undress nowadays is being naked. What they called undressed until the fifties is being ... dishevelled (but naked also).

💚 And everyone saying that Ana should have opened the door. When she heard him, she thought he was with a man because she thought there was a Mr Williams. And she said it herself, she didn't want to see two men together. You can't blame her for not wanting to see things that you know will traumatise her. Also, Ana did not gossip. She confided in her friend.

💚 And some of you remembered, others forgot, but it is a big step that Ana even spoke that much. Back then, men could have mistresses left, right and centre, and the wives were expected to shut it and go with it. She can't become a modern feminist in the blink of an eye and speak her mind when she has been shy and reserved until now. She only 'lashed out' because Christian demanded it of her.

💚 If you want pictures of the story, just check out my Facebook group, Mina's Broccolis, and you will find pictures as the story unveils. And a few sneak-peeks here and there as well.

💚 From Duty To Love💚

Chapter 13: The Weaker Sex (3,4K)

Anastasia's PoV

It had been two weeks since we came back from the homestead, and Christian still hasn't shared my bed. Both Fridays, before I went to my room I told him to not knock on my door if he didn't intend to do his duties as a husband, and he didn't. He is staying on his position of supposedly being faithful, which I think is ridiculous. Rare are the faithful husbands in high societies. Dr Cassidy is just proof of that according to Kate. I would just like for him to respect me enough, to be honest.

We haven't talked much over the past two weeks, which makes me sad. From the first day, Christian always made sure that we spoke and spent time together. But now, he is spending most of his time in his office, as he had promised on my first day. And I refuse to go into the room where he lays with another woman. I just want to keep a little of my dignity.

I haven't seen Leila since I came back, but I know she was in Boston. She came back yesterday and tried to see me today, but I told Mrs Jones to tell her I was not well. I like Leila, I really do, but she should have told me from the start that she was sleeping with my husband, or at least not befriended me.

So now, Christian and I are eating the chestnut soup Mrs Jones made, in complete silence when he strongly puts his spoon down and says, his grey eyes hard on me,

"This is not the marriage I had in mind."

I look up, slowly putting my own spoon down. He looks more tired than usual, exhausted even, but I'm sure that's because he hadn't had the chance to be with either Leila or me. Mia made an off-hand comment that her husband was always grumpy when he came back from a business trip and had been away from her for a long period of time.

"Me neither," I tell him. "But unlike you, I had no say in the matter. If you do not have the marriage you wanted, you can only blame yourself."

He glares at me. "Anastasia … I have done no wrongs to you. You have no rights to treat of the sort!"

I look down on my plate, set on ignoring him. I don't know how I got so bold, but I am not interested in hearing his lies. He puts his fist down on the table, making me jump and look back up to see his eyes blazing fire.

"This attitude is disrespectful. I don't know who got in your mind and whispered those vicious lies, but I am your husband! I told you I was faithful, and you should not question my word! I have had enough of your attitude! Not only you do not talk to me, but you refuse me your bed!"

"My bed is yours," I quietly tell him. "As soon as -"

"Enough with the children!" He cuts me off, bluntly getting up. "When comes tomorrow, I expect you to speak to me at the breakfast table, just like we did before. You had your little games, now it's time for you to be a wife again!"

Then he storms off to his office, leaving me alone with my supper. I look down on my soup, I barely had any, but I have been avoiding food lately. It just isn't very appealing. So I get up and go to my room, not wanting to inadvertently meet Leila on her way to Christian's office, since it's Tuesday.

I don't linger much once in my room, and get ready for bed, slipping in the covers and thinking of what Christian said about tomorrow. I would be ready to go back to our routine if I had something to look forward to, but what do I have? He doesn't love or cares for me, and he will not have the decency to give me a child.

I wish I was living in Europe where divorce is a more common thing. But then again, what would I do without a husband? I have no money to my name, and no man would take a divorcee as his wife.

Slowly, I doze off, welcoming slumber. I have been rather tired since my week in the countryside, but I think it's because of the trial this situation is causing me. Still, I am awaked by Christian knocking on my door.

I frown, because it is Tuesday night, and still early. Leila is probably still with him. Once again, he knocks, and I ignore him, glaring at the door. I still have until tomorrow morning he said. And why is he knocking in the first place? Does he want to finally confess and make me watch? I don't need to see that!

"Anastasia?" He calls, but I still ignore him, closing my eyes just in time as he opens the door.

I don't move until I hear him come in. So I snap my eyes open, glaring at him as I see how he is dressed. His shirt is completely undone and showing his bare chest. His cufflinks are gone, his tie nowhere in sight, his suspenders hanging on his sides and his feet in socks.

He moves to my wardrobe and presents me my robe as he calmly says, "I need you to come to my office with me."

The cheek of this man! "I am not going to watch you entertain your mistress, Christian!"

He glares at me, but I don't make a move to get out of bed. I might end up regretting it when his hand would cross my face, but I would like to keep as much dignity as I can for as long as I can.

Christian takes a menacing step toward the bed, extending his arm holding my robe as he darkly threatens, "Either you do as you're told, either I will take you there as you are, across my shoulder."

I take the robe and put it on, putting my slippers as well. Christian takes my hand in his, but I snatch it away. For a second, he looks at me before sighing and walking us to his office. I want to cry because I don't want to see that. I saw the images in that cursed Kama Sutra and I know some of those positions include more than husband and wife. And I don't want to do that. But what if Christian doesn't give me a choice?

Once I enter his office, I unsurprisingly find Leila there, completely dressed in her manly clothes, a glass of whiskey in her hands as she sits like a man, on the rest-foot. Christian's jacket is on his office chair and his tie and cufflinks on his desk.

I hear Christian close the door behind me and I blink to repress my tears, though what he says has nothing to do with what I saw in that terrible book. "I am not having an affair with Leila, Anastasia. Or with anyone, for that matter."

"He's just an idiot who doesn't know how to put himself in someone else's position," Leila intervenes, rolling her eyes.

She gets up and walks to me, but before she can get closer, Christian puts himself between the two of us, "Leila has been giving me massages for years. They help with the pressure of work and the headaches that come with it. But especially with my insomnia."

I look at him as he tilts my head to him, trying to make me believe him with his eyes. I had no idea he couldn't sleep and that he had headaches. Though I should have known, Christian often looks tired. Why doesn't Dr Cassidy do something about this?

"Anastasia … I've never laid with Leila Williams. And never will I. You are my wife," He says, and I look down, trying to gather my thoughts.

Leila did mention that massages were frowned upon in society because people thought they belonged in brothels. But she did tell me that they were praised in Asia and Africa for the benefits. To soothe down bone pains or old wounds, or to help people feel better.

I snap my head up, reminding him, "You refused my massage."

And for the first time, I see something I didn't think I would ever see in my life, I see Christian Grey, owner of banks, lands and hospitals, embarrassed. The tip of his ears redden and I hear Leila behind us snicker,

"Yes, Christian. Do tell her why you stopped her sweet little massage."

"Shut up!" He glares at her, and after sharing a meaningful look, she smirks at him and says,

"I'll go wait in the corridor."

He watches her leave before looking back at me, caressing my face as he softly says, "Anastasia, you have to believe me, I would never be unfaithful to you. I … I care about you, and I would never put you in this situation. Even less having a mistress come in our home."

"Why did you refuse my massage, Christian?"

His ears once again turn red, and he explains, "Your massage affected me in a way Leila's have never before. And … I was at work. I don't think you would have thought it was proper for me to have my way with you on my desk."

Now, it's my turn to be embarrassed. I furiously blush, my eyes wide open as I clear my throat and I tell him, "Well, I will leave you to it, then."

"Anastasia?" I turn to look at him. He kisses my forehead. "I'm sorry you doubted my loyalty."

"No. I am sorry. I shouldn't have assumed."

I leave his office, ready to rush to my room, but Leila is waiting for me in the corridor. She takes my hand, and apologises, "I am so sorry, Ana. I really thought he had told you about the Tuesday nights, and that you were just not comfortable talking about that. I mean, when I showed you how massages worked you were red like a tomato.

I really had no idea he didn't tell you, or I would have kicked him until he did. I would never, in a million years, lay with your husband. I couldn't do that to you. You're the sweetest person I know."

"It's my fault, Leila. I shouldn't have assumed."

She frowns, apparently not happy with what I just said, but Christian appears from his office, and so she hugs me and asks, "Can I come by tomorrow? I will explain everything he won't."

Christian clears his throat with hostility, and so I nod and go to my room. I sit on my bed, chastising myself for being so presumptuous. Christian did say that he was faithful, and Leila did tell me that I was her friend. But then again, why didn't he tell me?

Did he think I would go around town and tell everyone that he had someone massage him to make him feel better? Did he think I would turn into Elena? I really don't understand why he thought that he had to keep me in the dark.

Not even five minutes later, Christian knocks on my door and I go to open it. Does he want me to go back there? I mean, I'm pretty sure Leila hasn't been home for long.

"I would like to talk," He tells me, and so I let him in. I sit on my bed and he sits next to me, clasping my hand in his.

For a little while, none of us says a word, before he looks up and tells me, "As I have just been told, I am not very good at being a husband. I just …" He retakes possession of his hand and passes it in his hand, before resting his elbows on his knees and hanging his head low,

"I did not want you to see me as weak."

"Weak?"

"I am your husband, Anastasia. I am the man of this household. I am not supposed to show you weakness. Men aren't supposed to be weak like that. You should be able to rely on me without thinking. And now … I would understand if you were disappointed being with me."

I stare at him, my mind briefly going back to the day I heard my father cry in my parents' bedroom. My mother had explained to me the next day that something terrible had happened at work, and that my father blamed himself, but that I shouldn't bring the matter to him. Just as Christian just said, men aren't supposed to show weakness. But on the other hand …

"Christian … I thought I was your wife," I say, gently resting my hand on his. He snaps his head up and looks at me with apprehension. "You said it yourself, it means we will share our darkest and deepest secrets. And … I would never think you as weak because you feel the pressure of all those lives relying on you. I listen when you talk about your work. I understand that if you do one little thing wrong, many people may lose their livelihood.

You are not God. You are just a man. And even God rested on the seventh day."

He chuckles, reaching for my face and placing a lock behind my ear as he says, "You sound like the Reverend."

"Well, maybe you should listen to him, then."

He nods before taking a deep breath. "I shouldn't have kept you in the dark. I should have known that someone as sweet as you wouldn't consider my issues a weakness."

"I'm sorry I didn't trust you."

He doesn't say anything, but his eyes are speaking for him. They are full of self interrogations. So I take his hand in mine, and promise, "I promise that I will come to you when I will be in doubts. Whether I think you might like what I say or not, I will not let misunderstandings lead to quarrels like that again."

His eyes travel on my face before going back to our hands. Then he looks back at me and says, "In that case, I should tell you about Leila."

I tense because I am not sure if I want to know. They are obviously closed, or Leila wouldn't call him an 'idiot' and wouldn't say she would kick him. Maybe they were lovers in the past and she refused him. Or maybe she likes him and he refused her. I don't know if I want to know about my husband's past love life.

He moves so we are only inches apart, and lifts my chin up. "Let me talk before you let your imagination run wild again.

Leila is … my closest friend. She was the neighbours' daughter and mostly grew up with us. Her mother died in childbirth and Mr Williams second wife didn't like Leila very much, nor did Mr Williams. He blames her for his wife's death, and he was very fond of his first wife. We are just a few months apart and … after hearing Jon's tales of your childhood, I guess I can say we had something similar.

My parents made sure Leila had the love Mr Williams and his wife didn't give her. I am sure they were hoping we would marry growing up, but I never saw Leila that way. She was … my brother and my sister in one person. I never saw her as anything but part of my family.

And even Leila … she …"

He frowned and looked down, internally debating before looking up.

"I know you don't partake in gossips, Anastasia. But Leila's … life choices are something very few people know, and I don't think she would be able to endure any more gossips."

"You don't have to tell me her secrets, Christian. It is not your place to share them. If Leila wants to tell me—"

"I'm pretty sure she will. She's sapphic."

I stare at him, with no idea of what he is talking about. I have never heard that word before, and I can't see myself stop this conversation to go look in the dictionary. Christian chuckles at my obvious confusion and says, looking straight into my blue eyes,

"She likes the company of women."

Once again, I am lost. I like better the company of women than men. It's easier to talk to them, and there is less protocol about it. But it seems that I am still missing something because Christian insists, his eyes still on me,

"Intimately."

"Oh!"

My eyes are wide open as I chastise myself for my stupidity. This is probably why she likes to dress like a man and she does a man's profession. I have read once or twice about women kissing each other in some inappropriate ways, but I never thought much about it. I just never saw myself ever doing that. Especially now that I am married because if I am honest with myself, I like when Christian is buried deep inside of me.

"She likes you," He says with apprehension and I blink. I don't think Leila ever said or did something I could interpret as a flirt. But then again, I never thought she was a … sapphic.

"Maybe she just likes me as a friend? She said she doesn't have many," I say, trying to reassure us both. I'll ask Leila tomorrow and I'm sure she will give me an honest answer about her intentions towards me.

Christian's eyes briefly go to the book that hasn't left my bedside since that night he put there, and he says, "She … has been involved with a married couple before …"

"Oh … Is that something you want?" I don't think I would like that. It just seems wrong to me to invite another person in your intimate moments. Maybe some other people like it, but … I don't think I would. Christian's face slightly hardens, but I still see the hurt he's trying to hide as he retorts,

"Would you?"

I blush, shaking my head. Christian and his behemoth are enough. But I still mumble, "You did not answer my question."

He reaches and presses his lips on my forehead, holding me against him as he strongly states, "Certainly not. I may be a charitable man, Anastasia. But when it comes to my marriage, I do not want to share. You are mine, and no one else's. Man, or woman."

I didn't expect his answer to affect me so much. I don't even try to fight the smile spreading on my lips, and I cuddle in his arms, glad to hear that, somehow, in some way, I matter to him. It might not be love, but maybe it is a small step towards that.

And maybe that's this feeling of elation that makes me say, "So why won't you make me a child? I don't think I will be a terrible mother, and I would not forgo my wifely duties."

Christian lets go and gets up, kissing my forehead. "In light of the conversation we just had, I am going to ask you for time. Once we will be more … intimate, I will answer your question."

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚

💚 So, some people figured out why Christian keeps pushing the children issue.

💚 And yes, Christian kept things secret, but until VERY recently, men were expected to have no weakness. Yes, it's an odd thing from our perspective, but it is a reality that some people tend to forget. Men (though easier than women) didn't have it easy either. Til this day, society looks down on men who express their emotions too strongly, who cry, who admit to being afraid of simple things. So yes, Christian kept his Tuesdays a secret because he was ashamed, simple as that.

💚 And they agreed to be more open and talk to each other from now on.

💚 And Ana agreed to not assume again, so do like her, and wait for Leila to speak before you judge ... I see you, being all "she judged without all the info". So now, you have to do just that.

💚And something new, the artists mentioned💚

* red carnations are given to someone to tell them you miss them.

💚Well, let me know what you thought of this chapter. What was your favourite part? What do you think will happen next?

💚 E L James owns the names of the characters from the Fifty Shades franchise. Everything else is mine.

Love, Mina💚💚💚