Part 13

"I'm coming, I'm coming", John groaned as he headed for the door to his apartment. He had just gotten home after getting off his shift. Well… getting forced to leave was more like it. He was fine! Why did his boss have to be such a worrywart? He'd just tumbled down three sets of stairs along with a panicked rescue victim. He had cracked ribs and had a sprained wrist... and a bump on the head. But other than that he was fine! John opened the door and sighed.

"Seriously!?" he asked and turned his back to the door whil throwing one hand into the air in exasperation. "This day keeps getting better and better!"

"Good to see you too John", Scott said as he entered and closed the door behind him.

"How did you find my apartment?" John asked glaring at him suspiciously.

"Casey told us", Scott said.

"What more did she tell you?"

"That there was an accident at a rescue and that you were acting as stubborn as our mother."

"She's exaggerating", John grumbled and turned his back to Scott and then nearly fell. Scott dove forward and caught him before he could. "I'm fine…"

"Uh huh and I'm Lady Penelope."

"Well you did look good in that dress..."

"You swore to never talk about that again!" Scott exclaimed all red in the face.

John sighed and turned his gaze away. "Scott, really I'm fine. A few cracked ribs, a sprained wrist and a bump on the head is all. The victim made it out okay. No one died."

"You could have", Scott said as he helped John over to the couch so that he could sit down. "Casey said you were wearing a helmet and that if you hadn't you'd be dead right now…"

"She exaggerates. I'm fine." John sat down and sighed. "I need to get back to work."

"Uh no you need to rest and heal up", Scott said and crossed his arms. "You don't have to keep doing it all John on your own. The GDF are functioning without you for the moment, albeit not as efficiently as it does when you are at the helm. What's his name… Rigby? Is he really that stupid or his he just pretending?"

"He is not stupid he is just very square in his thinking", John defended. "And like you're one to talk. Some of the stuff you have done for IR has given me nightmares. Besides who are you to lecture me on taking it easy? You never do. When you get hurt you just wave it off and get back up again."

"Yeah but I'm not personality-goal as Gordon so eloquently put it", Scott countered. "I am reckless and stubborn."

"And yet you are a hero", John grumbled.

"I thought you told Alan that being a hero didn't matter to you."

"It doesn't. What matters to me is doing what I can to help and even though I am physically not able to be on the field I can still lead. I can still be useful to the team!"

"Why is that so important? Isn't it more important that you heal up?"

"I need to help my team. I need to be there for them. I'm always there for them when they really need me. I need to be there."

"Like we were not there for you? Are you afraid you will become… like us?"

"In a way yes. I needed you and you were not there. You did not come when I signaled for help. I never want anyone on my team to feel the same way I did." John was not meeting Scott's gaze and Scott sighed and sat down beside him. John still refused to look at him. Ever since the incident with Janus the brothers, with the exception of Alan, had started to talk more. John let them talk to him more. If he called up their grandmother and she happened to have a brother nearby he didn't just shut the coms off anymore. He didn't talk with them that much but it was still a tiny progress. Scott looked at John's injured hand and remembered seeing from TB2 how those same hands got clapped in iron when Janus arrested him. He arrested John for sticking up for them. Even though he was angry with them John had still been there for them. Like Scott had never been able to be there for him.

"I'm sorry", Scott said.

"For what?" John asked. "For bargin in unannounced?"

"You got hurt because of us."

"Uh no I got hurt because a victim panicked."

"That's not what I meant… I'm talking about before. You got hurt because of us, because of me."

"No I got hurt because I antagonized a power-hungry asshole", John said, thinking Scott was referring to the whole affair with Janus. "I knew it would happen but did it anyway." He waved dismissively with his hand. "It doesn't matter now because things turned out okay. IR were heroes and the GDF could continue acting like the rescue crew it's supposed to-" he was cut of when Scott grabbed his hands. John first looked at their hands and then looked up and saw Scott looking at him with a look in his eyes he had not seen in years.

"That's not what I meant and you know it Johnny", Scott whispered.

"Water under the bridge…" John grumbled as he now understood what Scott truly meant. "I got out, got a new life. Your organization and family are still running, I'm making something out of my talents and my life. Everyone is happy."

"Not everyone." Scott said. "You're not… not fully."

"Scott I'm fine", John said and pulled his hands free, moving off the couch and over to the windows to look out through them. "I'm doing good working for the GDF. I have a crew that respect and like me for me… not because I'm Jeff Tracy's son or Scott and Virgil's brother. I'm me, just me. I get to utilize all my skills. I am making a difference. I am doing something. I'm not just sitting there listening. I am part of it all. I am actually helping people. For the first time in many years I feel as if I am doing something right… That what I do is actually worth something. I'm finally making him proud."

"Who?"

"Grandpa." John replied and looked up at the moon. "He always told me: 'Johnny with all you got in there you can do so much. So make sure you do it.' I am doing it now. It took me some time and I lost my way a few times but I am finally making him proud. Because I am doing what he said. I am doing it Scott." He felt Scott's hand on his shoulder.

"Is it selfish of me wishing you were doing that with us instead of the GDF?" Scott asked.

"A little, yes."

"Geez thanks for the honesty John."

"You asked."

"Fine… just… I really am sorry you got hurt."

"And I said it was fine. I antag-"

"That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about with IR… with dad… with us. I saw what was happening but did nothing about it. I just… we were so busy and it slipped my mind and I… I really thought you were fine where you were."

"I was… at first", John sighed and turned away from the window and walked further into the room. "I was happy up there. I was among the stars, my dream. I was getting people the help they needed. I loved going back there but I loved coming home as well. Then… then it became further and further between 'coming home'… I felt as if I was never home and when I was I felt as if I did not belong. The way Jeff hesitated with sending me out on the field… telling me I wasn't good enough. Sure I was inexperienced but my mind did not see it that way. All it saw… what it thought was that I was not good enough. Soon I was only good enough for one thing", his hands balled into tight fists. "Being a glorified answering machine. Being there to bail Alan out when he got too lonely or too bored."

"I know it might not seem like it John", Scott said soothingly. "But you have always belonged. To me at least. Your inexperience in the field made us shape up, made us more careful because we realized that things can always go wrong. It was never about you not being good enough."

"To you, Virg and Gordy maybe… not to Jeff. I have never been good enough in his eyes. Which makes me so happy that Casey saw my worth… saw my potential."

"Which we didn't see… which is what we lost", Scott said and John snorted. "We really screwed you over didn't we John?"

"More than you know…" John sighed. "I've… not stargazed since I left… not really stargazed and… when Casey asked me to help them develop the new GDF space station I…" He trailed off.

"You declined going up?" Scott asked aghast when John didn't continue. "You don't… you don't want to go back into space?"

"I can't", John whispered so brokenly it tore at Scott's heart. John had always been synonymous with anything space. His dreams had always been to live among the stars, study them… watch them and discover new things. To hear that he could not go back up there was unheard of! And proof of how bad it had been for him to be up there all that time…

"I'm terrified", John continued. "What if Casey also leaves me up there? What if she gets it into her head that I only belong up there, out of sight and out of mind… what if… what if I go up and never get to come back down?" Tears slowly started leaking from his eyes. "What if… what if I die up there? Oh God." John looked at the roof. "I know it won't happen. Casey is not like Jeff. But… but it nearly did happen! Jeff was not going to get me down! He told Lady Penelope that! He told her he would leave me up there because he'd rather lose me than all of us. Oh God… Scott I would've died up there. You would've all left me to die up there! I'd never gotten home again! I'd never… I'd never see my family again! I'd… I'd… I'd been all alone! I'd die alone! You all abandoned me! You left me up there, all on my own! Hurting, scared and grieving! I was used, I was abused, I was abandoned and I… and I… and I just gave up… i-in the end I would have… I would have given up on everything… Y-you broke my trust, you broke my heart, you broke my… you broke my dreams… you broke my hope… you broke me… I… I can… I got lost and you didn't even care! You didn't go looking you just let me wander off into the night! None of you… I… I screamed… I shouted and I called and I begged… you didn't hear me… you couldn't hear me… I… I was alone… I have always been alone… You all left me… you all deserted me… you all forgot about me… you… you…" He was suddenly wrapped up in his brother's arms. Scott was holding him tightly to him, hugging him close. John hugged him back, with trembling arms.

"We did", Scott whispered. "We did all that you are saying Johnny. And for that I am sorry."

"You didn't feel bad… n-not until I was already gone."

"And then we realized what we had lost… what we had pushed away."

"I was never one of you… I was… I was always alone", the tears came faster.

"I'm sorry for that too. Please… forgive me John, I love you little brother."

"Virgil said that too", John sniffled. "He said it and I acted as if I didn't care but I do!"

"Which is why you are better than us."

"I am not better than you. I'm just… I'm just me. Someone the family didn't want to know… am I that unloveable?"

"Of course not!" Scott cut in. "I love you, Gordon loves you, Virgil loves you and you can't believe Grandma doesn't love you because she loves all of us."

"Yet… Jeff doesn't love me."

"Well to heck with him if that is the case! Johnny…" Scott moved back so that he could look into his brother's blue eyes, putting his hands on either side of John's face.. "It's his loss. Please don't make it mine as well. I couldn't live with myself if I lost you. I can't. I failed you so badly… I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

"Why? Why should I forgive you and you not me? Why shouldn't I ask for forgiveness?"

"Whatever for?" Scott let John go.

"For leaving, for endangering innocent people with my stunts? For being a coward who ran instead of seeing it through."

"You are not a coward."

"But I am weak."

"No! Out of all of us I am pretty sure you are the strongest. What you've been through no one else could have handled. Look at all you have done afterwards? What you have helped create! Grandpa would be proud of you. So proud Johnny."

"Proud of me…"

"Yeah because out of all of us you are the only one who has always had the heart in the right place. The only one who truly, deeply care about the rest of us. We are all too selfish… too stubborn. You are just you and that is enough for me and the rest of the world. Because no matter what path you take…" Scott pulled John into another hug. "You'll always be my little brother."

"Your little brother?" John asked, almost timidly and hugged Scott back.

"Yeah. My little brother who is a genius and just awesome the way he is. Who doesn't confide to norms or follow the trends. You make your own path in life. You just don't follow someone around blindly. You are you and I am sorry for making you feel that wasn't enough."

"It's… it's okay", John whispered.

"No it really isn't… and that question you asked yourself? Who will rescue me?"

"Wh-what about it?" John asked as Scott pulled out of the hug.

"Well little brother pack your weekend bag because I am here to rescue you."

"Pardon me?" John asked while Scott grinned widely.

"Grandma's orders… and Aunt Val's. You got injured, you need a break."

"I had one at Christmas!"

"Sorry kiddo Grandma's orders and you don't disobey Grandma's orders. I am here to deliver you into her care."

"Where exactly?" John asked suspiciously.

"Tracy Island. No don't give me that look. Dad's not there. He's visiting Penny for a week."

"Let me guess… Grandma's orders?"

"Yup. So. Get your bag Johnny."

"Scott I can't go back there…"

"Yes you can. It's just for the weekend. You need someone to keep an eye on you while you recover from that headwound and that someone will be Grandma, Virgil and I."

"Scott they won't want me there."

"Are you kidding? Virgil is ecstatic… Gordon was asleep but I am sure he's happy too and Brains is going crazy in the lab… he said he has something to show you. I think Kyrano looked very pleased as well."

"But Alan won't be. Sorry Scott but I won't go back. It will only cause a fight."

"Alan and Tin-Tin are off the island…"

"Again?"

"Yes… Don't ask. And before you object I was told by Val that your other half is unavailable and that your team agrees with her."

"What is this, a plot to get rid of me?"

"Maaaaaybe?"

"Fine…" John grumbled and walked into his room. Scott cheered playfully and John laughed. Scott called that a win.

Gordon was not aware of this happening. He had asleep when Scott was ordered to fly out and he had decided to sleep in the next morning. When he did wake up he showered, got dressed and then headed for the kitchen to get some breakfast. When he got there he walked up to the fridge. He noticed his grandmother, Scott and John sit at the table, he didn't register it tough.

"Morning Fish", Scott said cheerfully.

"Good morning Scott, hiya John", Gordon said with a yawn and reached for the juice. Then his eyes widened and he twirled around. Scott laughed and Gordon blinked, staring at the blonde sitting at the table. John had a nasty bruise on his cheek and another one near his hairline. His arm was in a sling and he had dark rings underneath his eyes. When John noticed the look on Gordon's face he snorted.

"Gordy close your mouth or the wasps will start nest-" John didn't get any further because Gordon was across the room in a heartbeat. He wrapped his strong arms around John and hugged him tightly, nearly sitting in his lap to reach better. Scott laughed and John huffed a little when the air was knocked out of him. Grandma chuckled to herself. This would be good for all of them. John had objected to that sling but she had given him "the look" and he had hurriedly obeyed. She looked at her grandson and she could see how tired he was. Casey had been right when she called them and told them to get John off work for a few days. He looked like he really needed it. She smiled when she saw John reach up and rub Gordon's back gently. Gordon let go and his smile could light up a whole stadium, that's how bright it was. John smiled back, a tiny smile but still a smile. Virgil came back in after answering the call from his father and he chuckled when he saw the look on Gordon's face.

"What are you doing here Johnny?" Gordon asked as he sat down at the table. "Not that I'm not excited to see you but why are you here?"

"Grandma's orders apparently", John replied and shrugged. "She and Casey are in cahoots."

"You fell down three flights of stairs John", Grandma said and gave him a stern look. "You need to rest and recover properly."

"I could still coordinate the rescues and get the information needed…"

"Yes but you don't have to. Your team runs smoothly and if there really is something they can't handle they will probably call. They all think you need rest and time to recover as well. You have been working non-stop since GDF launched." She reached over and patted his hand. "And long before that as well. Now you are here for the weekend and you are only here to relax."

"What if you get a call out?"

"We'll handle it. But we are down for the weekend."

"Why?" John aske suspiciously.

"Brains is working on upgrades", Scott said.

"Really?" John asked and looked curious. "What sort of upgrades?"

"Beats me", Scott said. "Something about the coms and the computers and systems."

"Really?!" John grinned widely. "That's awesome! Where is he?"

"Uh…" Scott, Virgil and Gordon stared at John in confusion. John rolled his eyes and got up.

"Lab", he said and hurried out.

"Oi!" Virgil said and hurried after him. "Johnny wait! Brains didn't want to be disturbed!" Scott chuckled and smiled at his grandmother. She smiled back.

"W-what do you think J-John", Brains asked while showing John what he had been working on for the past months. John's smile was so wide it had Virgil smile as well. His eyes danced with joy and he looked like a kid on Christmas. Brains, Virgil and John were inside a testing chamber which was now filled with holographic screens and a huge globe.

"It's great Brains", John said and walked up to the globe and swiped at it. Nothing happened. "Hm… maybe it would be easier to make the globe able to spin rather than having to walk around it?"

"Yes! Why didn't I think of that?" Brains asked and started taking notes.

"You have much on your plate", John said as he looked around. "You know I have an idea I wanted to run by you."

"Which is?" Brains asked intrigued. John looked at Virgil and then hurried over to Brains and started whispering. Brains nodded along and then he grinned, gripped John's arm and pulled him out of the room and into the lab. Slamming the door shut behind them. Virgil cocked an eyebrow but turned around and headed back towards the villa. It was good seeing both John and Brains happy and excited like that.

When Virgil woke up and heard his little brother's voice from the kitchen the usual "not a morning person mood" had left him and he been fully awake and so happy. He walked out to the pool and looked at the ocean. It felt great knowing that his younger brother was home again… even though it was just for the weekend. That he had agreed to come was a win in itself. A few months ago John would never have agreed, which must mean they were moving in the right direction. All that was needed now was for John to have a real talk with both Alan and Jeff. That was the biggest hurdle since none of them would agree to it. Virgil sighed and looked at sea. John had been hurt… badly. Virgil could understand if he never fully forgave Jeff for what had happened. Virgil found that he himself had a hard time forgiving it so how could he expect John to do it?

The thing with Alan was tricky as well. John was right, Alan was acting like a brat. Virgil could still remember when little Alan hero worshipped John and followed him everywhere, did everything he did and so on. Then Alan had realized that even though he was a famed athlete he had nothing on John when it came to astronaut training and space in general. John had never been popular or well-liked at school. He had been bullied for a few years but then something happened and the bullying stopped. Virgil still had no idea what it was. John had always had few close friends, not like his brothers who had all been popular at school with hordes of friends. There was however some circles where being Scott, Virgil, Gordon or Alan Tracy didn't really matter and that was NASA and some university circles. There John was the star, the most popular Tracy there is and now… Colonel John Tracy was making a name for himself within the GDF. Judged by what Casey had told them John's team looked up to him and respected him. He was getting the recognition he deserved and got to utilize all his skills instead of just sitting by and listening.

Virgil looked at the sky. It was clear to him that something had happened between John and Scott, the air between them felt warmer than it had these past few months. Kind of like what it had felt like between him and John as well. Had Scott and John had a heart to heart too? Virgil turned his gaze lower and noticed Gordon on the beach, sitting in the sand and looking at the water. He then blinked when a blonde head got visible around a rock. How did John get there so fast?

"I owe you an apology", John said and sat down beside Gordon. Gordon jumped sky-high gripped his heart. "Two apologies I mean."

"John!" Gordon said. "Don't sneak up on me like that! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry", John said as he smiled softly.

"You're forgiven", Gordon replied and sat down again, sitting down next to John. "Now what do you mean with owing me an apology?"

"For how I acted when you were in Perth", John said and looked at the waves. "I took my anger and resentment out on you and it wasn't fair. I was angry with you yes but I took all my frustrations out on you… and I forced you to keep quiet about me… I even threatened you and for that I am sorry. I am sorry for putting you through so much pain."

"No…. no no no Johnny I am the one who's sorry", Gordon said and turned to look at his big brother. "I saw you were hurting, I knew you were hurting but I did nothing to stop it. I mean… Alan and I are close and I enjoy having him around but I missed you a lot. I should've tried to talk some sense into him. It's not right that he got to wiggle his way out of duty and leaving it all to you. It was not fair of us to unload all our troubles on you but not doing the same in return… I'm sorry the only way out you could find was fleeing from that station and us." Gordon hung with his head and felt tears sting his eyes. "I'm sorry I drove you away", he whispered brokenly. "I'm sorry I hurt you and trampled all over your heart and your trust. I'm so sorry John." Gordon sniffled and then gasped when he felt one arm around him, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Remember when you were a little kid?" John asked. "You came home from school crying and then you went to the kitchen to look for flour?"

"Yeah", Gordon sniffled. "Some guys said I was not part of the family because I looked so strange with red hair…"

Flashback

Gordon stormed into the house and slammed the door shut. Tears were going down his cheeks and he threw his backpack to the side. Tommy and his stupid friends had called him names and teased him all day. They'd teased him about his hair, his name, his shortness and had said that he wasn't a real Tracy because he looked so different from the rest of them. Scott and Virgil both had dark hair and John and Alan were both blondes. Gordon had inherited his grandfather's red hair. Tommy and his stupid friends had told Gordon that he was just faking being a Tracy because he looked wrong. Gordon would show him! He stormed into the kitchen and looked for the flower. Flower was white… like Johnny's hair in the summer so that would help! Gordon found the flour and started pouring it onto his head. Some of it got in his eyes and it hurt. He sniffled and tried to wipe it off, only causing a mess. He looked at his reflection in the window and then noticed John coming up behind him.

"Gordy what are you doing?" John asked gently.

"Why am I so different?" Gordon asked.

"Because you're covered in flour that's why", John said and got wet towel and started wiping the flour off of Gordon's face.

"No!" Gordon said. "Tommy said that I don't belong in-"

"Close your mouth", John said gently as he wiped away the flour.

"Tommy said I don't belong in the family!" Gordon yelled and glared at John.

"Never mind what Tommy said", John said and tried to wipe some more flour away. Gordon pushed him back. "Hold still."

"Look at me!" Gordon screamed. John took a step back and then smiled. Gordon's hair was covered in flour still and most of his clothes and face.

"I am Gordy", John said gently. "And do you know what I see?" He wiped away some flour. "Two eyes, like mine. Only difference is the color, you have mum and Virgil's eye color. Hm and I see a nose somewhere…" he peered into Gordon's face and Gordon giggled a little when John poked his nose. "Aha! Here!" John carefully gripped Gordon's ears while the younger boy giggled. "Two ears and let's see… what else?"

"Two hands!" Gordon shouted happily and held his hands up. John smiled at him.

"That's right", he said and clasped their hands together. "Now close your eyes Fish. And forget what you see." Gordon did as he was told. John put Gordon's hand to Gordon's chest. "What do you feel?"

"My heart?" Gordon asked.

"That's right. Come here." John hugged him close. Pressing Gordon's ear to his chest.

"Your heart", Gordon replied and opened his eyes, looking up at his older brother.

"See, we're exactly the same." As soon as he finished speaking Gordon hugged him tightly. "Tommy just can't see that."

"I'll make him see it", Gordon said happily. "I'll become the best Tracy in the world!"

"Oh I bet you will", John teased and tickled him. Gordon giggled happily.

End flashback

Gordon pressed his ear to John's chest to listen to his heart. He closed his eyes and smiled. The heartbeat was strong, a little fast… probably due to nervousness. He felt John playing with his hair.

"We should not forget that sometimes it's us brothers against the world", John mused. "That we are supposed to always be there for each other. In my misery I have forgotten that."

"So did we." Gordon rested his head on John's shoulder. "I'm so sorry for forgetting you Johnny."

"And I'm sorry for not speaking up sooner and for being an ass to you."

"You were really scary when you were that angry."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, you had all the right to be angry."

John wrapped his arm around Gordon's shoulders and Gordon smiled. They heard footsteps behind them and soon Scott and Virgil plopped down in the sand on either side of them. John's lips twitched until a small smile spread onto his face. The four of them sat there in silence and just watched the ocean. Until the claxon sounded from the villa. Scott jumped to his feet, as did Gordon. Virgil got up a bit slower and helped John up. The four then headed into the villa.

TBC Thank you for all the reviews! I nearly made myself cry while writing this... the music I listened to did not help at all XD