I want to apologize once again for sucking at updating as of late. I thought I would only need a couple days to myself after we had to put our boy down but it seems to have required for me to spend a lot more time adjusting. Usually he would put his head on my arm and make it hard to type..or he would cuddle up to my leg since I sit on my bed normally. And not having him around has made it almost impossible for me to write.
Two days later- Raven
The days here are surprisingly quiet. I enjoy being here more than I thought I would. Even when the alarm goes off and everyone else leaves on a mission it's great to stay behind, Gar as asked me to watch who everyone calls Lil' Rae, while they go on missions and I don't mind it. She doesn't cry...much, and she just likes to talk absently while playing with whatever item you give her. Children are easy that way, give them a book and they will either read it or they will use it as a stage for their dolls. I don't mind either option. Lil Rae is sweet too, giggling with every other word. She reminds me of Teether a bit but, of course without super powers and also being a girl.
Gar told me one of the things she eats is fries, which is bakes in the toaster oven for her. I find them in the freezer and follow the directions on the back, she waits patiently. Well as patiently as a toddler waits, every once in a while throwing one of her small dolls on the floor in protest to not already feasting on the fries. I relate.
"I am making them now" I say handing her the doll back, she grabs it from me slamming her dolls together. I cut up around five grapes and hand them to her hoping to sooth her in the meantime, she doesn't mind. Taking the halves and munching on them messily. The fries are taking longer than I thought they would so I make myself some tea in the meantime. They still have my tea kettle. I guess that's one thing I figured they would have tossed since no one else here really drinks tea. Before I can take the much needed sip of my tea I hear Rae throw her bowl onto the floor.
"I'm done now" She says, I laugh picking the bowl up and putting it in the sink, which is more filled with kids stuff than anything else. Gar really takes care of this kid.
Finally the toaster oven dings, carefully I take the fries out of the oven placing them on a plate while Rae makes excited noises. Yes that is the only way I know how to explain the screeching but squealing at the same time as she flaps her arms up and down while the word fries some how becomes audible. Kids are strange.
"Careful they are hot" I monotone setting the plate of them in front of her. She messily blows on the plate sending bits of spit everywhere. It takes more will power not to grimace or make it known that this disgusted me.
I watch her carefully as I take my seat behind the breakfast bar close enough to help her if she chokes but far away enough that he spit blows aren't touching me. She isn't an ugly kid, she had her mothers eyes, which are a bright blue and her moms blonde hair. I can tell it's her moms because it's straight and not curly like...well like her fathers. I can't help but wonder when she will find out about all of that, if she will ever find out. Will Gar tell her? Will she feel betrayed?
I hear the elevator moving up, which means they must be home now, which is fine they can pull me out of my thoughts I have no business thinking. Garfield is the first through the door smiling widely at the sight of Rae eating her fries, content with life. Again I relate.
"How is my beautiful girl?" He asks kissing her on the head.
"Good Daddy! I have Tatos!" She squeals holding up a fry to show him he grins
"I see that! Did you thank Aunt Raven for your fries?" He asks brushing a crumb off her cheek. She looks at me panicked.
"Tank you Waven" She says I just smile back at her.
"How was the mission?" I ask as Cyborg walks into the room with the rest of the gang.
"Good, You would think Control freak would have new shit but it's the same old same old." He sighs
"My beetle doesn't even see him as a threat, gringo still thinks he's our nemesis?" Jamie asks with a soft chuckle, I have grown used to his vocabulary, in fact I started learning Spanish so that I can understand him a little more, which has seemed to work.
"He's always been like that, never really knew why. He's just kind of dumb." I say taking a sip of my tea, everyone nods in agreement.
"Why do you guys never just throw him in jail?" Conner asks, he reminds me a lot of his father. Hard jaw line, kind blue eyes, build like a carved statue.
"We have, he is just one of those guys that never stays in jail, though when he gets out we don't have trouble with him. He just wants validation we think" Cyborg answers as he opens the fridge for the third time since they have been home.
"You know dealing with Dr. Light has been hard without you" Gar says as props himself up onto the counter, he does it often, so he is closer to Rae without standing over her.
"I don't doubt that, but he is...a sad sad man." I monotone, Cyborg chuckles
It's been casual here, that is the word I would use to describe it. Everything has been casual, we talk about casual things, while doing casual things. It's a nice change of pace if I am being honest. I don't have to worry about fixing some problem that should have nothing to do with me. I don't have to struggle to show my affection to someone who doesn't know how to be with someone like me. My mind drifts back to Jason along with some pinging pain in my chest. From the moment we got back to Gotham everything went to shit, I guess it means we just aren't a couple meant for stressful situations like that. I don't know how Kori and Dick did it all these years. It doesn't matter now, I don't go back to people who cheat, not that I have ever been in a relationship before Jason but I am making that rule now.
"We have him pretty much handled, though it takes actually fighting him and not you just showing up" Cy says lightly, I snap myself out of my thoughts taking another long sip of my tea, it's cool down some, I can tell by how it doesn't slightly burn my tongue when it's in my mouth.
"How rough you have to do things" I monotone, he sends me a friendly glare and opens the fridge once more. He could be bored, or there is nothing in the fridge he wants right now, I get it. After missions he can get pretty picky about what he eats.
The sound of a plate being thrown on the floor alerts me to Rae, who is getting the dad Glare from Gar.
"Do not throw your plate on the floor when you are done" He says sternly, she stares at him for a moment before tearing up as he picks the plate off the floor, she looks around to see if anyone is looking to her, I look away.
She does this when he's around apparently when she wants someone to coddle her. Gar has strictly made it known to everyone not to coddle her, when she gets teary eyed. I respect that. Sometimes I still can't believe he's a dad. Well, technically he isn't but by all other meanings of the word he is. It made him grow up a lot I can see, he still has his moments and he's still a goofy weirdo, but for the most part he seems to hold himself differently.
"So are we still down for a little movie action?" Gar asks pumping his fists in the air.
"Maybe, once you get the little one to sleep. I don't want to corrupt her" Vic says, I smile looking down at my reflection in my tea.
"Yeah right! With Gar as her dad she will be corrupted by the time she's eight" Jamie jokes, I smirk and Cassie does as well. I haven't spoken much with Cassie, she doesn't talk to much I think. She could also just be apart of a family that doesn't like me and she is trying not to talk to me because of them. Like Conner.
"Hey!" Gar protests pointing a finger at Jamie, small laughter erupts around us even Lil Rae giggles even thought I doubt she know what we are talking about, she might though. Kids are smarter than they seem.
"Maybe you could invite Bee, I know you have been missing her" Gar teases Vic, Vic rolls his eyes as he opens the fridge yet again.
"I have been, but she's been busy with her own new recruits. Plus being around her makes me nervous" Vic says, I crease my brows and stare at him but he waves it off and mouths to me 'Later'. Alright I'll wait.
This is how it is sometimes, but even then it's quieter than before, Vic and Gar don't argue as much. They probably got all that teenage angst out of their system. Even when they play video games it isn't nearly as awful as it used to be. I wonder how it is when everyone is home, Kori and Dick. Is it the same? Sometimes I miss how we all used to be and it's hard to remind myself that things will never go back to how they were because we aren't the same people. Vic's wrist starts ringing and everyone falls silent.
"Uhh, I'll be right back" He says quietly, we nod as he takes his leave heading to his bedroom or something. Everyone looks around awkwardly at each other, they know something I don't and I am okay with that.
Lil Rae fills the empty noise with her talking with Gar about something I don't understand. He simply nods at her responding with the occasional 'Oh really?' Or ' is that it?' It kind of makes me a laugh slightly seeing how casual it is for him. Cassie and Conner take their leave as well chatting and talking as they walk towards the training room, if that is still where that is. I don't know. I don't go much of anywhere here, just going to my room and to the living room, the kitchen and that's about it.
"You know, it's been nice having you here" Gar says looking up from playing with Rae, I don't know how to react to it so I just let myself smile softly.
"Thanks" I say unsure, it comes out sounding like a question
"I mean it...It was hard not having you here all those years. It really was." He says, his tone is serious and doesn't carry it's usual lighter notes.
"I like being here...I like watching after lil Rae, she's cute" I admit he smiles weakly
"I wish I could say I had something to do with that" He admits, his tone takes on more sadness, I feel the slight sorrow from here, it makes me feel bad even though I know it's not my fault. Terra cheated and kept it from him. I don't blame him for being upset.
"Do you still go see her?" I ask, I don't know why I ask. It seems like one of those questions you don't ask someone. I can't help but be curious though. I mean he was so in love with her when I lived here, before everything happened. I guess it wasn't a shocker that he wanted to propose so early.
"Sometimes, I mostly have Vic take lil Rae to go see her, sometimes Conner too if I want to make sure that she can't pull anything. I always worry each time will be the last time, she will try to escape or try to keep Rae. I used to be able to go, it didn't bother me, but she started trying to convince me to take her back and be a family again, even tried to flaunt the engagement ring in my face. " He replies, he seems baffled by his own words, or more so by the audacity of Terra.
"You should have taken it back" I mutter
"I did" He replies hastily, I smirk trying not to let the pettiness get to me. I can't disregard what Terra did, what he tried to do. How she tried to get out. I can't pretend that I don't hate her. "Just because things are over between the two of us doesn't mean she can't see her daughter. I mean being away from Rae for how long I was even knowing she wasn't mine hurt. I've raised her. She is mine to me"
"You're a good dad" I admit, I don't think he was expecting the compliment, his eyes widen for half a second in shock his lips part slightly.
"Thank you" He replies pulling himself out of his shock.
The room falls quiet but it's okay, I enjoy the quiet. He grabs Lil Rae out of her eating chair attaching her to his hip as they walk through to his bedroom. I wonder if they changed his bedroom to a bigger one so they both had room. Kids need a lot of room. I think he would have, or at least would have done something to accommodate her. He really is a good dad. I like it here, it's been a nice break from everything else. It isn't perfect and I have my moments where I think of how much I miss Jason, and how much I miss sleeping next to someone, but at the end of the day not even I can change what happened. I just wish it didn't.