Amelia Lane Chapter 11, a gilmore girls fanfic

AN: Thank you all for the reviews, the kind words. The next chapter we deal with the issues so that should be fun to write... errr... anyway, read, review, enjoy.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls or the song New Years Day by Taylor Swift (but I have been listening to it while I write the chapter)

Chapter Eleven

There's glitter on the floor after the party

Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby

Candle wax and polaroids on the hardwood floor

You and me from the night before but

Rory kept her eyes closed. She was warm, safe and sound in his arms and there was absolutely no part of her that wanted to move, his breath was hot against her shoulder blade. There was no part of her that wanted to have brunch with their friends and family, there was no part of her that wanted to burst the happy bubble they had spent the night in. Rory wanted to stay in bed, she wanted to spend her day tangled up in the sheets with the love of her life. They had come to their room just after one in the morning. The elevator seemed to take forever as they stood inside holding hands, their shoulders touching, but eventually the urgency of their reunion became clear as her back was pushed up against the wall, his lips on her neck, sucking ever so gently on her collarbone, the place she loved so much. She was thankful that there was a thigh high slit in her dress as her right leg wrapped around his waist to provide some much needed friction as they rode the elevator fully engrossed in each other. When it finally dinged open and they separated, flushed faces, swollen lips, Logan took her by the hand and led her wordlessly to the hotel room. Once the door had shut behind them and Logan put the chain on the door to keep any other visitors out, his lips went back to her neck, his hands on her waist, her hands were tangled in the messy, tousled blonde hair that she loved so much, they danced their way back to the bedroom and Rory wasn't sure how long they made out like teenagers before she came up for air and smiled at him. They had whispered I love you on repeat as they familiarized themselves with each other all over again. In the grand scheme of things, their time apart hadn't been particularly long. A few months compared to their years together, but the emotional connection was the one that Logan and been dying for. He needed it, he needed to hear her say I love you, for all of those moments that she hadn't said it since the accident.

"Pretending to sleep?" Logan tightened his grip around her waist.

"Hmmm?" Rory smiled. Their legs were intertwined, the sheet was barely covering them at the waist and suddenly Rory felt very naked. She tried, unsuccessfully to pull the sheet up a bit further.

"Ace," Logan spoke softly, "what's wrong?"

"I just," she laughed as she finally pulled the sheet to cover her chest. "We have to talk."

Logan shook his head and kissed her shoulder, "not today. Today we are just going to enjoy this. We already agreed, talk when we get home and Mia is back at school."

"Is that healthy?" Rory turned her body to face him and sat up ever so slightly on her elbows, allowing her hair to fall back onto the pillow.

Logan took the opportunity to kiss her gently, "Rory, I'm not saying that we don't have a lot to talk about. What I am saying is that we have one more child free night. What would we be doing under normal circumstances? Would we be talking about our problems? Airing our grievances?" he chuckled, "no, we would spend the days indulging in all of the food that Mia refuses to eat because she is four, we would be drinking expensive wine, wearing adult clothing, and taking it off of each other at night. We will talk about it, all of it…just…can we enjoy this?"

"That is a compelling argument," Rory smiled. She knew he was right. They didn't need to burst the bubble yet. They were staying in a beautiful hotel room, they were with the friends and extended family. There was no reason to engage in a heavy conversation in the midst of all of it.

"That was easier than I expected," Logan admitted, "why don't you shower and I will order some room service?"

"We have brunch," Rory countered.

"This is a pre-brunch-breakfast," Logan shrugged, "coffee, mimosas, croissants. Then we'll go downstairs and have more coffee, mimosas, croissants and eggs."

Rory smiled and brushed his lips with her fingers, "god I've missed you," she admitted as she kissed him softly.

"You're killing me," Logan resisted the urge to deepen the kiss, "go, shower."

"If you insist," Rory batted her eyelashes at him and stood up, bringing the sheet with her, wrapped snuggly around her body as she moved to the washroom and gave him a final glance over her shoulder, "I think that coffee can wait if you want to join me in here?"

Don't read the last page

But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

"Emily is going to kill you," Logan adjusted his shoulders in his shirt as he did up the final buttons on his white oxford shirt.

"She will not kill me," Rory rolled her eyes as she smoothed the white, cuffed, wide leg pants she had chosen to wear, pairing it with a black, cashmere turtle neck.

"You know Emily believes that pants are not appropriate for brunch," Logan laughed, "don't you remember your twenty fifth birthday luncheon?"

Rory chuckled at the memory. She had arrived at the Gilmore mansion wearing jeans and a long sleeved shirt because she believed that she was simply having a lunch with her Grandmother, only to find out that she had instead arranged a surprise luncheon with a group of women from the DAR. Emily had been mortified by Rory's outfit and loudly exclaimed in the kitchen away from guests that a luncheon or a brunch, regardless of who it was with was no place for pants.

"They're Dolce and Gabbana, that should satisfy the snob in her," Rory rolled her eyes and adjusted the Cartier watch on her wrist and applied a final touch of lipstick before grabbing her purse. "Are you ready? We're going to be late, and then Grandma will be really pissed. I will be forced to tell her it was because of all the terrible things you were doing to me in the shower."

Logan pulled her in for a gentle, lingering kiss, "Emily would never believe those things about me," Logan whispered against her lips, "you look hot…by the way."

"Hot?" Rory laughed.

"Beautiful."

"Better."

"Come on," Logan took her hand as they walked to the door, "wouldn't want to keep them waiting. You know how the Anglicans get on a holiday without a cocktail."

"Did you read the letter I gave you yesterday?" Rory asked as they waited for the elevator. She played with her watch nervously. She wasn't nervous about being around Logan, but she was nervous about seeing everyone without the distractions of all of the other guests last night. It had been an emotionally exhausting twenty four hours. She wished they had stayed in their bubble.

Logan nodded, "we can deal with the letter later, as for brunch, it will be fine," Logan knew what she was thinking as he led her into the elevator with his hand on the small of her back, "everyone is just happy."

"Did you tell your parents?"

Logan shook his head, "I was too busy trying to undress you," he kissed her cheek, "Honor did. She assured me she had no interest in undressing Josh."

"Still no vasectomy I assume?"

Logan nodded, "Josh doesn't want to, Honor doesn't want to be on the pill for the rest of her life so they are at a standstill."

"Should we bring it up?" Rory laughed.

Logan shook his head, "no because I would rather not have a discussion about my reproductive organs with my family…if you don't mind."

"I swear," Rory leaned her head on his shoulder, "you boys are so sensitive."

"Yes, our boys are sensitive so forgive me for not wanting to talk about scalpels going anywhere near them."

Rory rolled her eyes and laughed as the elevator door opened and they walked to the restaurant they had booked and saw the large round table that housed their family. "Fine, no penis talk in front of your parents or my grandparents…or my parents…"

"Music to my ears."

You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi

I can tell that it's going to be a long road

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

"You two are late," Emily admonished the couple as Logan pulled out Rory's chair and they sat down.

"Sorry Grandma," Rory smiled, "I couldn't decide on what to wear."

"I can see that."

"You look amazing Rory, as always," Honor interrupted with a knowing smile.

"Thank you," Rory smiled, "you do as well. I'm starving, and exhausted…last night was."

"Our most successful event to date," Finn grinned widely. It was funny, Rory never thought that Finn would take such a liking to being involved with the foundation, but it was arguably one of the only things she had ever seen him take seriously. Maybe it was because he was family, because his heart had broken along with theirs when Richard had died. Robert, Colin and Finn were excited about the baby, they had talked longingly about all of the uncle tasks they would get to participate in. Absolutely no diaper changes, plenty of candy and mischief. They did those things with Mia now, they were amazing to her, but there was still a void left by the little blue eyed boy they had all been so excited about. "Did you see that donation?"

"You gave it to him?" Rory looked to Logan who nodded.

"He needed it for the totals, I didn't give him the letter," Logan whispered.

"What donation?" Emily questioned as she took a sip of her coffee, "Richard you gave them our cheque, right?"

"Of course I did, Emily," he told her calmly.

"We uh…we received a very generous donation last night from a guest who wasn't in attendance."

"And just how generous was this donation?" Shira Huntzberger spoke, she knew that she and Mitchum normally gave the largest single donation of the year and typically enjoyed a few minutes at brunch being praised for her generosity, much to the annoyance of her children and husband.

"You know," Rory felt uncomfortable. She needed to have these conversations privately. If she was going to tell everyone that Francine Hayden, the ghost of grandparents past had made the donation, she would have to tell them about the letter. She would have to tell them about Francine wanting to get in touch, she didn't want to do that to her parents, or to Luke. The Hayden family was a difficult enough subject at the best of times, and this was not the moment.

"Oh Mom," Honor interrupted, "don't be so gauche. It's so tacky to ask about money. You know that."

"Honor is right," Logan agreed as two cups of coffee appeared before him and Rory. Grateful for the distraction he took a sip, "good coffee. You go back there and brew it Luke?" he nodded across the table to his father in law who looked as uncomfortable as ever at one of these events.

Luke smiled at the compliment, "this one," he nodded to Lorelai, "printed out instructions to give to them this morning."

"Mom!?" Rory glared at her mother.

"Loin fruit," Lorelai gasped, "I could not have you drinking sub par coffee and on such a big day no less!"

"Big day?" Emily looked curiously from her daughter to her granddaughter.

"Well the news," Lorelai eyed her curiously.

"My memory?" Rory questioned and her mother nodded, "I think everyone knows Mom," Rory nodded at the guests, heads were nodding back at her, smiles were plastered on faces. Everyone was murmuring comments of relief and happiness that things could go back to normal now. "Yes, well, I am very relieved," she took a moment and looked around the table. Her mother, Luke, her father, her grandparents. Their friends, Robert, Colin, Stephanie, Finn, Rosemary and Juliet, the people who had been there for them through thick and thin. The good and bad of their relationship, their friends had been there with unwavering support, and even her in-laws. Mitchum and Shira were distant, sure, but they had never objected to the choices that Rory and Logan made for their family, and Honor and Josh were always in their corner. Rory knew that Honor would walk on fire for their family and she proved that over and over again. "I just…I guess I was going to toast once the mimosa's came, a little bit of liquid courage," Rory smiled. "But all of you, I am so glad to be really seeing you this morning. I look at you all, and I see the people who have been there for Logan and I throughout our marriage, and to know how you stepped up not just for Logan and I, but for Mia while I've been going through this…I will never be able to thank you enough for that. So, here's to all of you," Rory raised her cup of coffee with a smile, "to my family, I love you."

Don't read the last page

But I stay when it's hard or it's wrong or you're making mistakes

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

"Well, Rory," Shira spoke softly, "I for one am glad to see you two back in action. I know that we stayed away during this…strange time," she paused, "but it is nice to know that you are back."

"Who else will tell me when I'm being an asshole?" Mitchum gave her half a smile.

"I'm sure there is a lineup of people willing to do that," Rory laughed.

"The first three people in line are right here," Finn added as he pointed to himself, Robert and Colin.

The group made it through brunch. There was more food than anyone could eat, laughter, more coffee, a few serious conversations about how Rory was doing, when she would see her doctor and what this meant for them. Josh had managed to avoid any conversation about his possible vasectomy, and Honor had spoken with excitement about all of the things she wanted to do with Rory, Mia and the girls now that Rory was 'back'. Rory enjoyed it, for the first time in months, she could just sit and listen and fully understand exactly what was going on. She didn't have to try to keep up, she just existed amongst the people that she loved. "Dad?" Rory finally spoke after a few minutes, "can I steal you away?"

Christopher nodded and stood up, "everything alright?"

Rory inhaled deeply as they took a seat at the empty bar in the restaurant, politely declining the bartender offering them a drink, Rory told her that they just needed to talk. "How…uh…how often do you talk to your Mom?"

"My Mom?" Christopher looked confused. He couldn't remember the last time he and Rory had discussed his parents, maybe when his Dad had died, but not since then. "A couple of times a month, I try to bring GiGi by once a month or so, every eight weeks."

Rory nodded, "well…she met up with Grandpa recently," Rory paused again, "and she made a very generous donation to the foundation."

"My Mom did?" Christopher repeated. He had just seen her at Christmas and she hadn't said a word of it, in fact, he didn't think the topic of Rory had even come up.

"Dad, she donated ten million dollars to the foundation," Rory told him quickly. "She wrote a letter," Rory continued before Christopher could speak, "she apologized…for all of the stuff, for the things they said. She said she wants to get to know me."

"Wow."

Rory nodded, "I thought the same thing."

"Well, how does that make you feel?" Christopher sat up a bit straighter, "I mean, I appreciate you telling me, but she's my Mom, I know she isn't perfect, but…this is about you."

"I guess I just…the donation is very generous. She said that she and your Dad set some money aside when I was born, and so she and Grandpa thought that donating it was best," Rory explained. "I just need to separate the two things. I can take the money and do some amazing things with it, the foundation can use it…but…if we cash that cheque, am I agreeing to a relationship with her?"

Christopher put an arm around her shoulder and shook his head, "no, kid, you aren't. If you cash that cheque you are doing the right thing for a foundation. If you choose to try to get to know my Mother…it means that maybe next year there is another seat at this table with people who love you. Or maybe there isn't, and that is fine too, but it means you have given it a chance and you can make your own decision as an adult."

Rory nodded, "I guess."

"Look, kid…I don't expect you to start having dates with my Mom, but you know now what it is like. You have Mia, and you have all these dreams for her, hopes and dreams. You want big things, and while I hope that she doesn't follow the path that your Mother and I did, not because we don't love you, not because you aren't the best thing that has ever happened to me, but because no one would wish that hardship on their child. So maybe now you can understand a little bit more how my parents felt when they found out. It doesn't excuse their behaviour. They were awful to you and to your Mom, but they wanted your Mom and I to have a wide open future, and you changed all that. I think it all turned out the way it was supposed to, but you can't blame them for not wanting us to take the hard route."

Rory nodded her head once more. She could see his point. She would never wish a teen pregnancy on her daughter, she would do almost anything to help her avoid it when the time came, but with all of that said, she also couldn't imagine being cruel to the child who was born, and that is what Francine and Straub Hayden had been to an impressionable young teenager. "I will give her a call and set something up for the next time I'm in Hartford," Rory agreed quietly, "but I'm not bringing Mia."

Christopher gave her a small hug, "I wouldn't expect you to Ror."

"Should I…?" Rory nodded towards her mother who was laughing at something Luke said.

Christopher shook his head, "do you mind if we keep this between us for now? I will tell her…?"

"Sure," Rory agreed. "We should get back."

"How are things with Logan? I don't want the details, obviously, but are you guys good?"

Rory stood up and started walking back to the table, "they're good."

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you

And I will hold on to you

"All good?" Logan asked, standing to pull Rory's chair back out.

Rory nodded and took a sip of her coffee, "just…you know," she told him and he nodded. He did know. "I am so full you might have to roll me back upstairs."

Logan laughed and kissed her temple, "somehow I doubt that."

"We," Honor stood up, "have to go. We changed our flight to get home to the kids."

"No," Rory pouted, but almost instantly she could see what was happening as everyone around her explained that they were now leaving that afternoon or evening instead of the following day as planned. "I feel like we're being set up?" she looked at her husband.

Logan put his hand on her leg under the table and gave it a gentle squeeze, "seems that way."

"You two need some time," Emily nodded, "without us under foot."

"You're never under foot Emily," Logan told her quickly.

"This boy is too charming for his own good, Shira," Emily laughed.

"Don't tell her that," Lorelai looked to Logan and made a face, "she absolutely gets under foot. Frequently, often, all the damn time!"

"Lorelai," Luke whispered in her ear.

xxx

"I'm exhausted," Rory admitted as she and Logan sat on the balcony overlooking the bay in their hotel room. A bottle of champagne was on ice in front of them and the two of them were sitting together. Logan had put one leg up on the outdoor couch and Rory had made her seat between his legs. His arms were loosely draped around her body as she rested her head against his chest and looked out at the city lights.

"Same," Logan admitted as he kissed her hair.

"Are we going to survive this?" Rory asked, bringing the champagne flute to her lips. This she thought. There was so much damage, so much trauma that they had chosen to sweep under the rug in an effort to create a family with Amelia, but maybe in the process they had forgotten to feel the normal things that they should have felt. The heartbreak of losing their son, the heartbreak of burying his tiny body and the tiny casket. Rory could close her eyes and she could still see it all like it had just happened. They had grieved, they had done all of the things the hospital said. Counselling, support groups, therapy, but they didn't dare speak of it if they could avoid it. And then there was the affair. Rory felt her breath hitch, a pain in her chest as she thought of the torture she had put her husband through when he found out she had slept with another man. She remembered when he had first found out, he had told her this was nothing like the bridesmaids incident, and he was right, it wasn't. Rory and Logan were young, they had been dating, they had fought, they hadn't spoken in weeks…when Rory made her choice it was different. Logan was there, he was present, he was trusting, and she had shattered it. She had shattered it because somehow it felt easier to just pretend Richard had never happened with another man than to share that heartbreak with her own husband.

Logan inhaled and exhaled deeply, "I think so."

"You think?" Rory repeated softly.

Logan kissed her hair once more, another long inhale of her scent, "Rory, we have gotten through the worst of this. Losing him, it isn't raw anymore, it's a dull ache that never goes away, but it has started to heal. We need to talk about it, all of it…but unless at the end of the day you can tell me you don't love me, that you don't want to be married to me anymore…if those two things aren't true, then we will be fine."

"I told my Dad about the money," Rory changed the subject. They would talk about Richard at home, they would talk about Tristan at home. Logan nodded to encourage her to continue, "he thinks that cashing the cheque doesn't mean I owe her anything."

"He's right," Logan agreed.

"So I told them to cash it, and when I'm in Hartford next, I will have coffee or lunch with her."

"Do you want me to come?" Logan asked, he wasn't really sure what he could bring to the situation. He had known Francine and Straub Hayden since he was a little kid. He knew them well enough, but when he and Rory had gotten together, a line had been drawn in the sand and the Hayden family was on one side, Logan was on the other. He had never asked the details of what had happened because he didn't need to know, he just knew that Rory was his priority.

Rory shook her head and took another sip of her champagne, "no, I think I'll be fine. I don't even know if I expect anything. I mean, I suppose I will thank her for the donation, answer whatever questions she asks…"

"You don't want to ask her anything?"

Rory paused for a moment to think, did she have any questions for the woman who had so cruelly rejected her many years ago? Was there any good that could come of asking those questions? Did she even want a relationship with the woman. "I want to know that she is good to GiGi, I want to know that she will never treat her like trash, the way she treated me…and I want to know how she could blame me."

"Blame you?"

"They thought it was my fault, I was the reason that my Dad hadn't become whatever it was they had expected him to become. So I want to know how they justified blaming me for that. I was a baby, and most recently, I was a teenager. A teenager on the straight and narrow no less…I guess I could understand if my Mom had forced my Dad into something all those years ago. But my Mom let him live…she didn't burden him with me, she didn't expect anything of him, she didn't ask anything of him or his family…so I want to know how she could put all that blame on me. I just…I look at Mia, and no matter what happens, I will always love her, I will always have her back…I don't know why they didn't love me, or at least try to get to know me."

Logan took a sip of his own drink now. "I don't know," he admitted, "I don't know how anyone could not love you, but I also look at Mia and…there is nothing she could do that I would not have her back through. Even if I didn't love it…I would be there."

"So I guess I just need to sort that part out in my head before I go and meet her…I don't want to be a crying mess…I want to be calm, cool and collected."

"Rory high stakes deception Huntzberger."

"You know me well," Rory laughed as Logan began wiggling underneath her and digging in his pockets, "Logan what are you doing?" she moved to give him more room.

"Get back here," Logan laughed, his arm going back around her as he procured a small black box from his pocket, "your anniversary gift."

"Logan," Rory whispered softly, a tiny small playing on her lips, "I didn't get you anything."

"You're here," Logan assured her, "that is more than I ever expected this year. Open it," he told her.

The black velvet box wasn't wrapped so Rory pulled it open and smiled, "Logan," she closed her eyes to try to keep the tears from coming as she used her fingers to pull open the small yellow gold locket. She opened it to reveal two pictures on either side. On the left was a black and white photo of her holding Richard, he was wrapped in a blanket as she sobbed with him in her arms, and on the right was a black and white photo of her and Mia at the beach from the summer before, "this is perfect."

"I just…" Logan didn't quite have the words to express himself.

"He's close to my heart," Rory finished for him as she handed him the locket, asking him to put it around her neck, "my babies are close to my heart. You my dear," Rory exhaled as his fingers brushed her neck as he placed the necklace on her, "are the most romantic and sentimental man I have ever met."

"Don't let that get out," Logan smiled as she turned her head up towards him and he kissed her gently, "I wouldn't want to ruin my street cred."

"No," Rory laughed as she gave him a few more quick kisses on the lips, "because you haven't already done that by posting those photos of you, Colin, Finn and Mia playing tea party."

"Look," Logan smiled, "when a kid gives you a teacup and tells you you are having tea…you get that pinky up and drink the tea."

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I would recognize anywhere

There's glitter on the floor after the party

Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby

Candle wax and polaroids on the hardwood floor

You and me forevermore

Rory reached behind her and placed her hand in his, their fingers intertwined as she brought his hand to her lips and kissed it. "Do you," she inhaled deeply. This was teetering on the edge of the other conversation that they needed to have, "do you want another baby?"

Logan took a moment to process her words. The day before they were barely speaking because she didn't remember him, and now, here she was asking if he thought they would have another child, if he wanted another child. He noted how she was careful about her words. She didn't suggest she wanted to get pregnant again, or try necessarily, but she also didn't explicitly say she would want to adopt again. "I…" he paused again to think and squeezed her hand to assure her that he was just taking a moment to put together the right words, "I don't know," he admitted. "Without getting into all of the other stuff…I don't know if I can answer that. I love Mia, I love being her Dad, and I love watching you be her Mom. I know she would love to be a big sister…"

"She asked Santa for a baby brother for Christmas," Rory laughed.

"I wasn't sure if she told you that," Logan admitted with a belly laugh, "I don' know Rory. I think right now all that I can give you is that I know that I don't know. What do you think?"

"I think we need to talk about it…with everything else. The bigger stuff."

"We seem to be putting a lot on that conversation," Logan told her honestly, "are we…is it going to be too much?"

"Is there any other way to do it?" Rory asked him, taking another long sip of her champagne before she continued. "If we turn this into four small conversations, we don't really address the gravity of what happened. I think that is what we did before. We separated Richard from the affair, so we dealt with Richard, and then we dealt with Tristan, and we dealt with adopting, and moving back here…but the truth is, all of those things are so intertwined. We need to let those things be as big as they are supposed to be if we want to put them back in their boxes and move on."

"Their boxes?" Logan asked, not following where she was going with this.

"You don't have exes," Rory laughed, "just conquests," she thought back to their time in college, "but…the boxes we put our baggage in. The things that we only take out on occasion when we are feeling nostalgic…the bracelet Dean made for me, the sweater Jess let me keep…those things are away in boxes and I don't ever pull them out. But in order to put them away forever…I needed to deal with them."

"So to put Tristan back in the box, we have to really talk about it?"

Rory nodded, "I think so, and we need to talk about what made him feel like a safe place for me. You were safe. I know you were safe, you are safe, you are the only place I have ever felt completely safe to be myself…"

"The flight," Logan told her, "we'll talk about it all on the flight. We'll open up the box and close it back up by the time we land in Rhode Island."

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you

And I will hold on to you

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere