Capter 10

I toss and turn all night, unable to get a good night's sleep. I wake before sunrise, knowing what I have to do, I have to seek out professional advice. I have to go to Haymitch

"Haymitch!" I say banging on his door, "Haymitch! Open up! Hay-"

"What is it?" Haymitch says angrily, "I was trying to sleep!"

"I have a problem," I say, "a huge problem."

He motions for me to come inside. I shake my head no. The house could be bugged. I mouth this to Haymitch and he motions for me to follow him into the bathroom. He turns on all the facets and then whispers, "okay, now what is it you woke me up before the crack of dawn for?"

"Snow's making me marry Peeta." I whisper. He does a double take. Before he can get a word out I tell him everything.

"Well, I'm gonna need another drink," he says, taking a swig out of his flask, "you've certainly got yourself into a tough spot. Bottom line, do you have feelings for this guy?

"Yes. No. Maybe. It's complicated," I say, "I've been going back and forth, one minute I feel pure euphoria and the next I feel nothing but a gnawing sense of guilt and fear."

"Good enough," he says sighing, "You say he's nice?" I nod. "That about lines up with what I've heard. Sweetheart, look, you're getting it better than most Victors. Better than me, that's for sure. At least this way, your family will be safe."

"But that's my problem. How do I tell them? How do I tell Gale?"

"The thing you have to figure out is if you tell them. Sometimes it's easier, safer, to keep them in the dark, this might be one of those times; if so, you better work on your acting chops. Look, you want my advice? Make it real. Or at least, make it seem real. Now, go back to Lover Boy and talk it over."

So I do.

When I get to the house where Peeta is staying I find him on the phone.

"-Well, you know what they say I guess, 'give me the serenty to accept the things I cannot change' and all of that," Peeta notices me coming in, gives me a silent wave and indicates that he's on a phone call, "anyway, thanks Reyna, I appreciate it. Talk soon. Bye."

"Katniss, how are you?" Peeta asks after hanging up the phone standing up to greet me.

"Conflicted." I say.

"Sit down," he says, "what are you conflicted about?"

"I don't know how, or even if, I can tell my family about this," I say emphasizing the last word, "and Gale." I add after a short pause.

He looks at me thoughtfully.

"Well," he begins, "what concerns you most, actually telling them or the consequences of telling them?"

"I don't know… both I guess. I just don't want them to do something they'll regret." I hope he catches my meaning.

He holds up a finger and walks over to a messenger bag sitting in an empty chair. After rustling around in the bag for a moment he produces a small disk. He sets the disk on a table in between us and presses a small button. The disk beeps a few times.

"Okay, that should jam any listening devices within earshot. What do you mean, 'do something they'll regret'?"

"Something that would get them in trouble or worse."

He seems to be contemplating that thought before he asks, "what's the worst possible scenario you can imagine if you do tell them?"

"I don't know," I start, "trying to run away, some kind of a half-brained rescue attempt that's doomed to fail. I think my mother and my sister would be sad and upset, but I'm not worried about what they'd do. I'm worried about Gale. I just don't see any possible way to explain the situation to him that wouldn't end in disaster."

"Okay. I see what you mean. I could certainly make arrangements for him to have leeway in terms of facing legal consequences, but you're right, I couldn't just wave away an elaborate rescue attempt or coup or something," he says, running his hand through his hair, "so what's the alternative?"

"We could make it real!" I blurt out. I'm blushing

I quickly follow up, "make it seem real, I mean. You know, to my family and Gale and everyone I know…"

"If that's the way you want to go, we can do that," he says coming to sit next to me on the ottoman, "but you'll have to be okay with me doing this," he says playfully, leaning in for a kiss and wrapping his arms around me.

Suddenly the room feels warmer and I'm once again blushing.

This is scary. I'm liking this too much.

This is your future, a voice in my head says.

Then maybe it's not so bad, I finally decide.

"By the way," Peeta says pulling me out of my thoughts, "my friend Reyna is coming in tomorrow to do a little investigating that I can't do personally. Do you think Gale would mind if she shadows him for a few days?"

"Shadow him?" I ask.

"Follow him around. You know, to get a feel for what life is like in Twelve."

"Oh," I say, "I don't know, you'd have to ask him."

Later that night Gale comes over saying that Peeta was on his doorstep when he got off work, asking him if he could have Reyna follow him around for a couple of days.

"What did you say?" I ask.

"I told him I'd have to meet her first. He said that was fine and that we could have dinner tomorrow night after he gets done recording an interview."

"Who's we?"

"You, Peeta, Reyna, and me."

"How did I get dragged into this?" I ask, pretending like I knew nothing about it.

"Come on, Catnip, I can't go into the lion's den alone."

"Oh alright." I say in mock exacerbation.