A/N -Thank you for coming back to this even though its been a while since I updated. This is a continuation of the Halstead siblings' conversation in the previous chapter :)

Chapter 10. Elephants

*TW - Pregnancy related death*

Madeline basked in the warmth, feeling her roots revitalising as their chatter enveloped her, a sense of tribe, a much missed shield. Still, It seeped in corroding the cocoon.

It. An unwanted guest - never leaving, always looming. Ready to creep, sprinkling in doubt, threatening to ruin… well, anything. They won't like them. A decorated hero turned detective and a doctor. They like boxes, they like lines, they like nor-

"Babe, just tell them already!" she could hear Jess' laughter. Angelic against Its coils."You've got this! They all love them, what's different this time?"

But what if they don't Jess? What if they lea-

"-addie, you okay?"

-O-O-O-O-

"Yeah, sorry" The brothers watched Madeline flash a smile. They didn't miss her tenseness, the way she clasped her trembling hands onto her teacup. The siblings were glad at the more smoother than expected reunion but they all knew of the certain elephants they couldn't ignore. They decided to ride out the silence.

Finally, she broke the quiet. "I uh- I need to tell you guys something. Something important" That phrase paired with her expression would have warranted teasing from the brothers followed by Madeline's bursts of laughter. Something related to getting seconds of ice cream or wanting a second dog perhaps. But this wasn't 5 years ago.

Madeline bore into them, searching as if their eyes laid a hint of what their reactions would be. Both brothers tried for a reassuring smile, hoping to pass this sudden test she had put them on. Jay hadn't felt this level of nervousness, if ever - which was saying something considering he sat across from the worst of what Chicago had to offer everyday - he felt as if she didn't like what she found, there would be another five years lost.

When she seemed satisfied, Madeline spoke, "Jay- you've met but uh I don't think I introduced him. Not officially anyway. And Will, you haven't met yet but," she took a deep breath and beamed, "I have a son. His name is Nathan, Nate … He's 3 and I love him, more than anything in the world. I know- sounds corny but it's true" Her expression was undeniable.

Will was elated. He had heard from Jay that night when the detective had stumbled into his apartment - "Will, she was right there. And there's this kid, the cutest kid man. He called her mama… Fuck - Will, she had a kid and we weren't there" - still, he could count the times he had been this happy. The brothers knew that after half a decade apart, it would be a gamble if their little sister would want them to be in her life let alone her family's. Will hoped that her telling them was a good sign - maybe some sort of invitation that would lead to him becoming an uncle… He realised he had just been sitting there - smiling like an idiot - and rushed to congratulate but was stopped by Madeline's shake of her head.

"Please. J-just let me- I need to tell you this" Madeline breathed out, her eyes dripping with something they couldn't quite place.

-O-O-O-O-

Jay recognised the mint green envelope that she pulled out of her purse. She opened it and laid out a photograph on the table, her movements so careful as if the slightest jolt would would make it evaporate.

They immediately recognised Madeline - younger and thinner - sat on a sofa, mid laughter with a young woman in the middle. The woman reflecting Madeline (who Jay guessed was in her early 20's at most) had blonde hair, glowing skin and a growing bump to match. She was snuggled against a similarly aged man with dark brown skin who lovingly gazed at her as he held her close.

"Danny took this one, it's one of my favourites," her eyes crinkled at the memory. "That's Ty and Jess - they're family y'know. Really helped me out"

Jay recognised that look even through her misting eyes - it was one he had seen many times before - the look Nadia and Erin had when they had talked about each other.

Madeline continued, "Jess and I - we were so close, like sisters. And people used to think we were cause of our eyes," she shared a wistful smile, pausing as her baby pink nails traced the edges of the photograph.

Jay furrowed his eyebrows at the past tense - were they no longer friends? did this 'Ty' have something to do with it? had this 'Jess' just upped and left?

When she looked up, her eyes were filled with pride, "Nate ... he was a preemie, nearly 2 months early. But healthy considering - 4 lbs, 6oz."

A smile touched the brothers' eyes as they imagined their little sister, a part of that precious moment. But their smiles faded away at her features starting to cloud.

"But Jess-," Madeline started as if on rote, her agony seeping through her blankness, "-she had complications and they took her for an emergency c section-"

Jay recognised that look as she trailed off. It was one he was all too familiar with - the one he couldn't hide. Hoping to be the anchor Will and now Hailey were, Jay shifted closer to her where she was fiddling with her bracelet.

Madeline jerked, blinking herself back to the banquette. She took a shaky breath and continued, "Before they took her, I was so scared y'know?" Jay couldn't take his little sister's gaze as it crushed his spirit.

Her eyes empty, she shared a hollow laugh, "But she was laughing … told me to chill out, that she'd be back with Nate before I knew it-" She braved a tight smile, hoping to smother the pain. Knowing it never did. It didn't matter that every syllable had been rehearsed, imprinted in her mind - Madeline always wished she could pause at Jess, beaming before they wheeled her away, before they-

The brothers held a breath as they realised where this was heading. Will had seen one too many of these cases even working in the ED. The ones where what should be a happy occasion would turn into one of much grief - the ones where more often than not, they couldn't give answers.

"They said she lost too much blood- t-that there was nothing they could do."

"Jess- she never got to hold him"

They saw the blame laced with confusion. The waves of emotions she had fought to surf, the numbers of tears she had shed, the days she had clung onto to arrive at this exact place with her grief. They saw it all. They knew the power of the nightmare those two sentences held. And it was too great.

Will found himself thanking God in that moment. He didn't know what to feel about that. Or in fact any of it. Guilty for being thankful that it had been the friend that was struck with the ultimate misfortune? Or was it because he let this happen to her, his little sister in the first place? Maybe it was both. Or was it relief? None of that changes anything. He could hear in the back of his mind. None of that changes the fact that you failed her.

Jay didn't know what to say. Having done one too many notifications and witnessed the tragedy that came with the job, he knew. That no apology would be enough. Probably better than none though he thought. But everything about one just sounded phoney. Because in the end, it wouldn't change the fact that he hadn't been there. That he had failed her. All he could bring himself to say was,

-O-O-O-O-

"What's he like?"

"Nate? He has Ty's eyes y'know. So Much life in them. And he has this laugh … you have to hear him, it's just like Jess' - it lightens everything. Oh and he's silly and hilarious, just like his Dad … has the biggest heart … he's just amazing."

You have to meet him, I want you to. She wanted to say. Madeline didn't know why she felt as if she had to make an appeal of Nate. You've done this before - why all this now? she thought. But she knew, that this was different. Because this was Jay and Will.

As he listened to Madeline beam about her son, Jay couldn't help but replay the all too short meeting he had at her porch that day. And before he could swallow it back, it slipped out,

"Can we meet him?" Shit. That was way too soon.

But his growing doubt came to a halt as soon as Madeline's features lit up. "Y-Yeah? For real? You want to?"

"Maddie, heck yeah! Of course we do" The brothers' reply didn't do justice for how truly, undeniably happy they were.

See? Told ya Madeline heard Jess' smile. She breathed again, It silenced. Madeline couldn't put a word to it but it felt great, something like relief and ecstasy rolled into one. But she wasn't done yet. She still had another brother to ask about …

-O-O-O-O-

"And Mousey?"

Will gave a cautious glance, knowing how much it hurt his little brother to see his best friend go.

Jay chuckled at that nickname. He hadn't heard that one in a while, "He went back about 2 years ago, comms specialist"

"Really?"

"Mmhh. Do you remember the sergeant we used to tell you about? Well, he put a unit together and he reached out to Mouse" Jay smiled, proud.

With the same admiration as when she was little, Madeline spoke, "Seriously? That's awesome! That unit's lucky they have him. And … he's okay?" Will noticed the look his younger siblings shared - he wondered if it had something to do with that one and only phone call he ever got from Pat while he was in New York.

"Mads, He's good, spoke to him about a month ago - I should probably call him again soon though" Tell him you're finally home, safe.

"Yeah? That's great. Maybe I'll join you, make it a surprise? Oh! And do you know his address? I want to send him something. Samoas and Cinnamon Crunch right? And jerky. Wait… or was that your thing?"

Jay smiled at her chatter, "No, he likes 'em too Mads. And yeah, I'll text you everything - Man, he is gonna freak out when he hears you." He was surprised that Madeline had remembered those little details because even though the nightmares chased him, being overseas felt like another life ago. He guessed in a way it was. Will couldn't help but feel a pang as he was reminded yet again of how his sister who was barely in school at the time knew more about Jay's time with the Rangers than him.

-O-O-O-O-

"Good. I missed him" she shared a sweet smile before it turned into a mischievous grin. "So?"

"Yes Madeline?" Will amused, raising his eyebrows.

She huffed in return, "C'mon! All I know so far is that Jay's a detective in a district with a nice sergeant and that you work in the Emergency Room in the same hospital as Connor which who kne-"

"Hang on 'nice'? Which district did you go to?" Jay joked. There was one thing everyone agreed on at the 21st district - Trudy Platt although one of the best cops in the city, nice was not the first word that came to mind.

"Yeah, Sergeant Platt" she stated as if it was the most obvious.

"Pretty sure this is the first and last time I'll ever hear Platt and nice in the same sentence - the less I have to interact with her the better." Will dramatically shuddered before laughing with the others.

"But seriously, stop avoiding my question." Madeline mocked annoyance.

Will jokingly put his hands up. "Alright, alright," He straightened up and announced "Well Maddie, I have a girlfriend. Her name's Natalie-"

"About damn time too. He's been pining after her for how long? since you started there?" Jay smirked.

"Ooooh. So she's at Gaffney's too? Is she a doctor? Or a nurse? What's she like?"

Will's eyes crinkled at her curiosity. "Yeah, we work in the ED together - she's a doctor too. Natalie's great, I think you'll like her. Hang on -" he paused, fumbling with his phone. "She can't wait to meet you by the way." He added before giving her his phone.

It was a selfie taken in a park or maybe a garden. Will's girlfriend 'Natalie' was white and had shoulder length brunette hair - there was something kind in her eyes as she laughed. Probably to one of Will's Really Bad jokes… Madeline amused. She's pretty … I'm loving that top, maybe I'll ask her where it's from. Madeline chuckled at her eldest brother's grin as he held her close. There was only one word to describe his expression - Smitten.

When she swiped to the next picture, she was pretty sure her heart stopped. It was probably taken a few seconds after the first one and everything else was the same except from one unmissable detail. Madeline zeroed in on the toddler now in Natalie's arms. Crap, I waited too late. Did I miss becoming an aunt?! How old is he? Maybe like two?

Will laughed at her shocked beyond belief expression. "You're not an aunt just yet Tiny. He's Natalie's son but hoping that down the road y'know …" He trailed off, giving a lopsided smile.

"You are SO in love with her" she teased before turning her attention to … "Jay?"

"Good luck" Will laughed. "Even if there is someone, he's not sharing - Believe me Maddie, I've tried."

"Uh-huh. Like I believe that. C'mon there's no one?" She tried again, now putting the puppy eyes on max.

"Nope." Jay smiled and she couldn't tell if he was lying - she never could to be honest. Damn his Ranger training. She was about to let it go but she saw Will raise his eyebrows and take a sip of his mug.

So there is someone she smirked.

-O-O-O-O-

As he looked at the row of townhouses standing impressive against the dusking sky, Jay wondered what this place was to his little sister. He had barely resisted the urge to ask the whole less than 5 minute drive to this street. The not knowing was honestly killing him but he heard his partners voice, "She'll come home Jay." He smiled, hugging Madeline. Guess I'll have to follow Hails on this one too.

Watching his younger siblings hugging, Will smiled. Our family's back. Maybe he hadn't let himself get there but it was clear to him now how much he had craved it. He squeezed her tight, feeling that missing part of his soul starting to be found. And as he watched her walk through the gate, he made a promise right there and then - He wasn't going to let go. Not this time.

Walking up the stone steps, Madeline couldn't hide her grin at her body full with that warm cozy feeling. That's got to be one of the best days ever. Replaying bits of the long awaited catch up, she chuckled at Will calling her Tiny - a nickname she almost forgot about and hated when she had turned a teen - she now realised how much she missed it.

-O-O-O-O-

The brothers drove back in silence for a while and when Jay heard Will say,

"She didn't ask about Dad."

He nodded and stared ahead. That was an elephant he was unwilling to touch. Not yet anyway.

A/N - The characters belong to Dick Wolf and are from the One Chicago universe he created. Thank you so much for reading! This chapter was really difficult for me to write and at one point I considered deleting the whole series but I kept at it and about 4 months later here we are ;) This one touched on a really heavy topic but I hope I was able to do it justice and that you enjoyed it. I'm still not sure how I feel about it but I think this is the best I can hope for in this chapter - let me know what you think.

I was so happy that a lot of you guys noticed 'wait… wouldn't have Connor told Will about Madeline?" - a part of this is going to be answered in the next chapter which I have already started writing but I'm not going to say when I expect to be finished because I really don't want to get your hopes up :((

I hope you all had a lovely new years and I wish you guys all things good in 2021. Thank you for coming back to this and for always giving me such lovely feedback x