Slurp, slurp, slurp.

"Naruto, stop that," Yugito scolded, snatching the cup noodles out of Naruto's hands. "Do you want to get caught?"

"How can we get caught?" Naruto gestured to the thick mist hanging over the sky and drenching the atmosphere in white. "Look at all this. No one can track us with all of this mist, ya know."

"There are more ways to track someone than just with sight, kid," Roshi said, staring out into the gloom.

Han was propelling the boat from island to island. Unlike all of the other countries they'd been to for their jinchuuriki rescue trip, the Land of Water was not a single contiguous landmass. This affected their searching abilities rather significantly, because they had to travel by boat half of the time.

"Who are the jinchuuriki of the Land of Water, su?" asked Fuu.

"I don't know who the Rokubi jinchuuriki is, but the Sanbi jinchuuriki is none other than the Yondaime Mizukage, Karatachi Yagura," Roshi said grimly. "Rumor has it that he's...not a very nice person."

"What do you mean by that, su?"

"You know that Kiri is also called the Village of the Bloody Mist, right?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah!" Naruto said. "I met two guys from Kiri actually, Momochi Zabuza and his apprentice Haku, ya know."

Killer B's jaw dropped. "You met the Mist's cold-blooded killer? What a shock, that must have been a real thriller."

"We met on my team's first mission outside Konoha. We had to protect Old Man Tazuna, a bridge-builder from the Land of Waves, and Zabuza and Haku were hired by a tycoon named Gato to assassinate him."

"Let me guess," Roshi said. "You somehow became friends with the pair and got them to kill their employer?"

"Yeah, how'd ya know, Grandpa Roshi?" Naruto grinned.

Roshi just sighed heavily. He muttered something under his breath that sounded like, "Should've known that you'd befriend murderous missing-nin..."

"Karatachi Yagura was the one reigning over Kirigakure during the Bloody Mist Era," Yugito explained. "Suffice to say that he might be just like Momochi Zabuza."

"It might be better to search for the Rokubi before the Sanbi," Han said. "If it's the Mizukage we'll be going up against, we'll need strength in numbers."

"Saiken is over there, northwest, three hundred kilometers away," said Kokuo. "It's easier for me to sense the other bijuu when we're so nearby. I think Isobu is further away though."

"Right, as Kokuo says, we should find the Rokubi, Saiken, first," agreed Han.

Envy gnawed at Naruto's stomach. Why was everyone, even Grandpa Roshi, friends with their bijuu?

Meanwhile, he was saddled with a fox that hated his guts.

Naruto's mind drifted back to when he'd first met the Kyuubi.

A flash of claws.

Terrifying white fangs.

And red eyes that had been burning with the flames of a millennia of hatred.

"How I would like to devour you..."

How could he rescue Sasuke and become Hokage when he couldn't even make a friend? Especially with someone who had been with him since the beginning.

"Shino, what is this 'insect sixth sense' that you keep going on about, and how will it help us find Naruto?" Kiba asked grumpily.

"I am the best suited for tracking Naruto from here on out," Shino said calmly and quietly. "Why? Because he is traveling with a companion who is releasing a massive amount of insect pheromones that my kikaichuu are able to detect entire leagues away."

"First we were following the trail of bijuu chakra and mass destruction, then we started following the ramen trail, and now we're following the bug pheromone trail?"

"You know, it does make a lot of sense, if this scroll is anything to go by," Tenten said. "It says here that the Nanabi is a bug. A kabutomushi, to be precise."

"And Takigakure was the only village outside the Five Great Nations to ever have a jinchuuriki. The Nanabi jinchuuriki," Neji pointed out. "Speaking of that, read this bingo book that I picked up from an Iwa black market."

He opened up the book to a page that he'd bookmarked:

It was Naruto's ninja registration photo from when he was twelve. The kabuki actor one.

WANTED: UZUMAKI NARUTO, also known as "CHOPSTICKS MASTER OF KONOHA," "ORANGE MONSTER," and "BLONDE DEMON OF THE LEAF"

CLASSIFICATION: S-Rank missing-nin

BOUNTY: 1,000,000,000 ryo

KNOWN FOR: Starting fight in Iwagakure hot spring, attacking Akatsuki member with chopsticks (see "WANTED" section), persuading kunoichi of Takigakure to run away from hometown, motives unknown

TRAVELING WITH: Kumogakure, Iwagakure, and Takigakure ninja

IF SEEN: Do not approach carelessly (CHOPSTICKS ARE KNOWN TO HAVE CAUSED SERIOUS DAMAGE). Alert authorities of Iwagakure, Kumogakure, and Takigakure immediately

Well, wasn't that great? It was just as Tsunade-sama feared.

"Team Kakashi and Shizune, I need you all to do me a favor," Tsunade said. "Sort through all of this mail, and mark which ones are about Naruto, and which ones aren't. In the ones that are about Naruto, check if anyone has mentioned anything about calling a meeting or summit or whatever. Then keep those in a separate pile."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama," they chorused, staring nervously at the massive mountain of paperwork sitting on the desk.

"Well, bye," Tsunade-sama said.

The door slammed shut.

"Why are we being asked to do the Hokage's paperwork?" asked Sai. "Was Danzo-sama correct about her being an incompetent village administrator?"

"No...she's very stressed...and just wants to take a short break." Shizune stared worriedly at the door. "Who wouldn't be, in her situation?"

The five began sorting through the piles and piles of paperwork. It was like a paperwork blizzard had dropped six feet of paperwork snow onto Tsunade's desk. All of it was less than a week old.

"Chopsticks Master of Konoha." Yamato sorted it into the Naruto pile.

"Orange Monster." Kakashi added that one to the growing mountain.

"Blonde Demon of the Leaf." Sakura's hands were twitching dangerously.

"Angry letters from the Raikage, Tsuchikage, and Takigakure village leader, making unfounded accusations towards Tsunade-sama." Shizune was turning paler and paler.

What had Naruto gone and done?

Sai looked up. "Are those cute nicknames that I can use when I meet your teammate, Naruto-kun?"

"SAI!"

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, ThisIsStorm101, UltimateGenius, Jac Frust, RedFistCannon, and El Publicano!

What do you all think will happen with Utakata? And Naruto and the Kyuubi? :)