Two days after Emily's funeral Luke had locked himself away. All five of them would come over to see him, to try and be there for him, but they had no luck. His door remained locked and he remained silent behind it. He wouldn't answer when they begged him to open up. Mitch simply shook his head sadly and closed himself in his own bedroom as the kids arranged themselves around the doorframe. He heard their sniffles echoing his own as he went through Emily's things.
Reggie had had the idea to go through his window if he refused to open his bedroom door. At first it was all five of them, Luke had anticipated this though and had locked it. They would tap on the glass, talk to him through it, sang for him but nothing would move him from his bed.
On the fourth day of them gathering at the window, Alex had suggested that it might be unsafe to have all five of them sitting on the porch roof outside in case it couldn't hold their collective weight. Then they'd taken turns, instead. Julie had come every night, and the rest of them would switch out. Flynn the first night, Reggie the second, Alex the third, Willie the fourth and over again.
Luke started closing his curtains. The urge to let them in was too strong to resist so if he couldn't see them, he couldn't give in. They refused to give up. Just like clockwork, they'd show up right after dinner and stay all through the night. Sometimes even doing their homework there as he listened to them bicker over word problems and science facts.
He knew it must have been hard for them to stay up all night outside of his window and then go to school in the morning. Unfortunately, he could not bring himself to open up. Neither the door, the window, or his heart. It wasn't their burden to carry and he wouldn't place it on their shoulders either.
The first time Alex had accompanied Julie to his window, she had started singing. He knew the song. Rose had written it when she had just started the chemotherapy. Alex had sang along with her, their voices shaky and cracking with the effort of stifling their tears.
"And you use your pain, cause it makes you you. Though I wish I could hold you through it." Julie sang and Luke cried harder. The words hitting him straight through into his soul.
"I know it's not the same, you got living to do, and I just want you to do it." Alex finished the verse. Luke pulled the blanket up over his head in response, positioning his pillow over his ears. He balled himself up and continued to cry, his arms wrapped around his head.
The next night was Willie's turn. He sat with Julie, curled up under a blanket outside of Luke's window. He told them stories of ancient warriors and gods who were beaten by mortals whose only power was love. How everyone had the power and their group had the most of it. How Luke was such an integral part that having him gone weakened them. Luke listened but never opened the window, he absorbed the words though, and that was enough.
Flynn was next. She sat outside the window with Julie discussing their future, the dreams that were coming true for them all. The talent that lay curled up behind the window they sat in front of. How much the world needed his voice and his words. "Sunset Curve Saved my life." Remember? Those were your words that saved that girl's life." Luke appreciated the sentiment but just thinking about getting back on stage? It made him want to throw up.
Reggie came the following night. He spoke to them both about what had been going on at home. How hard it was getting, hiding his mothers drinking. How much he appreciated having them in his life.
"I know you can hear us, you don't have to answer but I just want you to know. Both of you, how important you are to me. All of you are. I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for you guys. Luke, it's the same for you. All we want is to be with you through this." Reggie spoke in the direction of the window behind him. Julie sniffled and tightened her hold on his arm. A quiet sob echoed out to them, confirming that their friend heard their words.
It went on like this for a while. Changing shifts, knocking on doors and windows. Going to school with purple stains under their eyes, bloodshot and puffy. They'd continue on though, Luke was too important to all of them to give up on.
It had been two weeks since Emily passed. He had two days, a full weekend before he'd have to go back to school. He dreaded it. He dreaded the pitying looks, the mandatory meetings with the counselor. He dreaded seeing his friends, his soulmates because he knew he wouldn't be able to escape them. They'd probably be on his porch waiting for him come Monday morning. Who was he kidding? They'd be sitting on the roof outside of his window within the hour.
Luke hadn't seen his friends since the funeral. Twelve days, the longest he'd ever gone without them. The previous record had been eighteen hours when Julie had gotten the flu. It had been for nothing, because they'd all climbed through her window and promptly gotten sick too. They ended up all staying at her house as they recovered. Rose had quarantined Julie's room for a week as the five of them recovered.
He kept his door locked when they'd come over every day. They'd take turns sitting outside of his door while his father brought them drinks or food. He remained silent when they'd talk to him and begged through tears to be let in. When it was Julie who was begging, he had to physically grip the mattress to stop himself from running to pull the door or window open.
He'd be damned if he placed any of this on her shoulders. She had enough to deal with, enough fear to last a lifetime in the last year with her mom's cancer and remission and the constant worry of a relapse. The last thing she needed was him emotionally bleeding all over her. The same went for Reggie and Alex. The last year had been an upheaval for them all. They didn't need his problems on top of everything else.
He didn't want to see any of them. He didn't want to talk to them or lean on them. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to think about all the things he'd done wrong, all the time he spent fighting with his mother, time that should have been spent telling her how much he loved her.
Wasted time. All for what? Because she had wanted something better for him than she'd had? He had chosen music over the woman who had given him life more times than he could count. She was dead though and now music was just despair. If he was being honest with himself, he'd admit that he was punishing himself for something he could not control. But he wasn't ready to be honest, he wanted to punish himself so that's what he did.
They had taken the hint but that didn't stop them from trying to reach out. His phone would light up at all hours and when they got tired of waiting on a response that never came, they'd climb up the trellis right outside his window and sit on the cold shingles of the porch roof. They hoped he'd come over and unlock the window. He never did. They came every night, anyway.
Sometimes all five of them, then taking turns in pairs of two. They slept out there every night since. Heads resting on shoulders, blankets wrapped around themselves, they never gave up on him.
He kept his back to the window and cried silently as they knocked and tried to pry it open. He curled in on himself, bringing the blanket up over his head to block out the sound. After the second night of them doing this, he started leaving his curtains closed. He knew it wouldn't stop them. Deep down he didn't want them to stop, didn't want to think about what that would mean for him if they did.
He hadn't slept more than a couple of hours each night, his mind was crammed full with lyrics. He couldn't quiet them no matter how much he tried and he refused to write them down. He clutched at his song book when the urge became too much and the words lashing around his mind were giving him a migraine.
He picked up a pen and stared at it then threw it against the wall along with his notebook. He went to his desk and ripped the full ones out of the drawers. He tore pages out making them rain around him like some kind of depressing confetti.
Songs they'd already performed, songs he had written but hadn't shared yet, songs upon songs. All of them equally important, all of them equally painful. They weren't important anymore, none of it was. How could it be? His mother was dead and the words on the papers were meaningless.
He needed something. Anything that would stop the words that flashed in his brain like a neon sign blaring out all the words he didn't want to let out. Lyrics were twisting themselves around his mind like a tornado, kicking up dust and debris. Destroying any semblance of peace he had managed to build for himself.
He threw the last book he had ripped apart on the floor by his bed and made his way downstairs. He had an idea of what would quiet his mind. He knew what would help him finally get more than a couple of hours of sleep. He made his way over to the liquor cabinet where his parents had kept the liquor saved for parties. They'd never needed to keep track because Luke wasn't that kind of kid. We all change, I guess. He thought to himself snidely.
He grabbed a bottle of some kind of dark liquor he didn't bother to read the label of and made his way back up to his room locking the door. He took a long swig and coughed as the liquid burned it's way down his throat. It served its purpose though. The more he drank the quieter the voices in his head got.
By the time his mind was completely blank, he was barely able to get himself into his bed. The half full bottle stood abandoned on the side of his bed, pushed under to hide it in case his father came in. He spent the last two days drunk and sometimes with his head in the toilet. Julie and Flyn sat behind the closed curtains, oblivious to it all.
Mitch wasn't faring any better but he had to stay strong. He had a kid to raise, a kid to pull out of the depths he'd sunk into. He had no idea where to start though, so he stayed up all night researching therapists that specialized in grief in adolescents.
Luke would never agree to it, he knew. Mitch wouldn't have agreed to something like that at Luke's age either but he hoped if he admitted to needing help too, that Luke would take pity on him and go. He would, for the sake of his father, but he wouldn't talk. The therapist would turn out to be a waste because if he couldn't even talk to his friends, a stranger would not fare any better.
On the Saturday evening before he'd have to go back to school, in his drunken state, he'd tripped over a ripped up notebook on his way to the window and fell flat on his face. He groaned and turned over, staring at the ceiling. His mother's face flashed behind his eyelids. He started tearing up again as she smiled at him.
"I'm so sorry, mom." he spoke to whoever was listening, hopefully it was Emily.
"Luke? Please open the window." Apparently it was Reggie who was listening.
"Luke, please." Julie.
He sighed heavily and got back up, the bottle still clutched in his hands. He shoved the curtains open too hard, ripping a few of the rings in the process. Julie and Reggie's crumpled and teary faces stared back at him. Julie put her hand up to the window, palm facing him. A silent request to let her in. He put his palm up, touching hers through the glass.
He brought his arm up to wipe at his face on the sleeve of his flannel, giving them a clear view of the whiskey clutched in his hand, the bottle almost empty. Reggie tapped his fingernail against the glass to spur him forward. Luke fumbled a bit but finally managed to unlatch the window. He didn't wait for them, instead he went back to his bed and curled up, his back to them once again.
Julie climbed through first, the relief at finally being able to touch him, hold him, feel him, forced a relieved breath through her lips. She came up behind him, laying down and wrapping her arms around him. The big spoon to his little.
Reggie followed her in, the disappointment of seeing the bottle in his best friend's hand palpable around him. He took the bottle from Luke's hand and left the room with it. Luke didn't put up a fight. His heart was breaking all over again and having Julie wrapped around him just forced the emotions up with more force than he'd anticipated.
Reggie came back in and laid down in front of him, sandwiching him between them. Luke's hands clutched in his. It was quiet for a while as they held him. He shook harder, burying his face in his pillow to hide the sight of his tears.
"Here's one thing I want you to know. You got some place to go. Life's a test, yes, but you go toe-to-toe You don't give up, no, you grow" Julie sang to him again, quietly and into the shell of his ear. Hoping that she could bring some kind of comfort to him with her voice and her mother's words.
"And you use your pain 'Cause it makes you you. Though I wish I could hold you through it I know it's not the same You got living to do And I just want you to do it" Reggie brought in the chorus, just as quietly, just as powerfully.
"So get up, get out, relight that spark You know the rest by heart. Wake up, wake up if it's all you do. Look out, look inside of you. It's not what you lost. It's what you'll gain raising your voice in the rain" They sang together this time Their voices blending and helping to stifle the raw pain that shot through Luke at the sound of the song.
"Wake up your dream and make it true. Look out, look inside of you. It's not what you lost. Relight that spark, time to come out of the dark. Wake up, wake up." Julie finished, the lyrics disappearing into the darkness. Luke couldn't hold it together anymore so he let it out. He buried his face in Reggie's chest, the soft material of his hoodie helping to muffle the cries.
Julie moved closer to him, her arms tightening around his waist while she ran her fingers through his hair with the other. She pressed kisses to the back of his head and whispered meaningless words to remind him that he wasn't alone. Never alone.
And so, they laid like that until finally he fell asleep, fingers curled in Reggie's hoodie. His other hand clutching at Julie's wrist, on his stomach. Everytime he exhaled it brought another memory back for Reggie who couldn't stomach the smell of alcohol.
"What do we do?" Julie whispered when they were sure he was deep asleep.
"We take care of him, be there for him. Bring him out of this. There's nothing else we can do." Reggie answered. He pulled out his phone and shot a quick text to let the group know that Luke had finally let them in.
Julie sighed and got up, making her way around the room, Luke's soft snores giving their own sort of background music. She walked around picking up the papers and ripped up notebooks, putting them together neatly. She ran her fingers over the cover of one, silently crying as Reggie watched.
"He's going to regret that later. Put them in your bag, I'll start putting it together tonight while you're here with Alex." Julie nodded and put it all together, slipping it all into her book bag.
They made their way around the room, cleaning everything, picking up laundry that had been strewn around every available surface. Reggie got Luke's book bag ready for school on Monday and then put away his six string, the gift from his parents, in the protective case where it wouldn't be damaged if Luke had another urge to throw his things around.
It took about an hour but when everything was finally clean, the sun had just started rising. Luke was still deeply asleep in his bed so they laid back down with him so that he wouldn't wake up alone. At around six in the morning, Mitch had opened the door to check on Luke, finding it thankfully unlocked.
His eyes went from the open window to the three bodies curled up in the bed. He smiled to himself, a small weight lifting off of his heart at the sight of his son and his friends. It almost felt normal and if he had let them in then he must be close to talking to them, talking to someone.
When Luke woke up the next morning, he was hot. The sun was beaming onto his face and he squeezed his eyes shut against it and the sharp pain that shot through his head. He groaned and tried to turn away from the sun, finding his way blocked by a body on either side of him.
He opened his again to find Julie's peaceful face tilted up towards him, a small smile on her lips as she buried her face in his shoulder, letting out a sound that bordered on kitten-like. The sound filled him up and made him smile for the first time since christmas.
He turned his head to see who was on his right. Reggie was already awake and watching him with a sad smile.
"Morning. How are you feeling?" Reggie asked. Instead of voicing his answer though, he just shook his head and brought his free hand up to rub at his eyes.
"Well your dad and Ray are making breakfast so that should make you feel better." He turned to the night stand and grabbed the glass of water that stood there along with two aspirin. "Take these." He handed over the pills and water to Luke who took it without complaint.
Reggie was curt and slightly cold with him. It was a new sensation, to have Reggie look at him like that and he found that he hated it. The disappointment in his eyes was enough to make Luke sift through what he could remember from last night. Trying to figure out what he'd done to put that look on his best friends face.
Shit! The bottle. I was drunk last night. Luke remembered and looked up to Reggie in a panic, about to apologize. Reggie held up a hand and shook his head.
"I don't want to hear it. You know better, you know everything. I won't watch you do that to yourself too. Next time I tell your dad and the Molina's. Got it?" Luke nodded and stood up to hug Reggie. Julie groaned at the loss of him next to her but continued to sleep.
"You owe her an apology, by the way. She's been running herself ragged trying to keep up with school and coming here every day. She's been running practices, too. We know you need time, we know, okay? But Luke, you have to meet us at least a quarter of the way. Please." Reggie's hands were on his shoulders and he was whispering but the seriousness of his words rang true for Luke. He nodded in agreement.
He'd never thought it through. The toll it would take on his friends, ignoring them for so long. It created an uncomfortable itch in his muscles, like his skin was too tight for his body when he didn't see them for too long. It must have been worse for them. Worrying about him for two weeks while he drowned in his misery, while they were locked out and unable to help him, to be with him.
Luke woke Julie to come down for breakfast at his father's call. He still didn't speak but brushed his knuckles across her cheek until she woke up on her own. His throat felt tight, like his voice wouldn't come out even if he did try to speak. Reggie shot him one more look and then pointedly shot one at Julie. Apologize to her. It seemed to say, and then he went downstairs leaving them alone.
Julie opened her eyes slowly and when she saw his face, her smile lit up the room. It took her a moment to remember why they were here and when she did, her smile fell. She reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him back onto the bed. She wrapped her arms around him, like if she hugged him tight enough she could imprint herself into his skin, leaving behind an armor that would protect him when she obviously couldn't.
"I'm sorry." His voice was weak and raspy. Two weeks without speaking a word to anyone had taken its toll.
"For what? You didn't do anything wrong." He shook his head at her question.
"For shoving everything onto your shoulders when that was exactly what I was trying not to do. I owe all of you guys an apology." He responded. The longer he spoke, the stronger his voice became.
"You're lucky, Luke Patterson. I'd smack you right now if it was any other situation." She responded by pinching his elbow instead. He smiled again, against his will. The unused muscles in his face screamed with the movement.
"Your door better be unlocked tonight. Reggie had to beg for everyone else to stay away last night. They won't agree to it again. Flynn and Willie had to physically stop Alex from coming over here." She said. Luke nodded in response. I am so lucky. He thought to himself.
"Wanna tell me about the song books?" Julie asked. She looked over to her bag where the torn papers lay, like a beacon calling out to him, he looked at the bag too.
"Not really." Julie nodded and left it alone. She got up and took his hand, leading him out to have breakfast.
The Sunday night before he'd be going back to school, all five of his best friends trooped through his door. Alex and Reggie forced him out of the bed and into the shower. They kept him company in the bathroom while Mitch brought clean sheets and a blanket.
"Everything's better with clean sheets." She said to the room. So while Reggie and Alex made sure Luke took a long shower, Flynn, Julie, and Willie made his bed and made sure Luke had everything he needed for school the next morning.
He came back into the room, Reggie and Alex flanking him. They let him make himself comfortable on the bed, a years old habit, and then they positioned themselves around him. His arm around Julie from the left, who curled into him and laid her head on his chest. Flynn did the same from the right. Reggie spooned Flynn, his hand resting above hers on Luke's stomach. Alex did the same from behind Julie and Willie positioned himself at the head, letting Luke rest his head on his stomach in place of a pillow.
Luke laid in the silence surrounded by his best friends and for the first time in two weeks, he felt peaceful. Flynn and Julie had fallen asleep already, their steady slow breaths lulling him into a deeper sense of comfort, like he was floating on clouds instead of various body parts.
Willie's heartbeat was slow and relaxed under Luke's head, and he tried to match his breathing to the boy behind him, trying to find that same relaxation that always radiated off of him. Alex was biting at the skin around his thumb nail, a sure sign of his own anxiety.. Reggie was thinking, Luke could practically hear his mind working.
"I'm so sorry I put you guys through this." Luke whispered into the air. The girls were asleep but he owed them an apology too.
"Put us through what?" Alex asked.
"You know, leading psychologists say that there is no correct grief response. However you choose to grieve is right. We get that, you know? We just wanted to be with you. You don't have to apologize." Willie said. Reggie snorted but didn't say anything.
He hadn't told anyone that Luke had spent lord knew how long on the inside of a bottle, it seemed that Julie had kept it to herself as well. Luke squeezed Reggie's hand in response. His own personal apology for triggering memories Luke knew Reggie would rather forget.
They laid there in silence for a little longer. Alex drifted off to sleep right after Willie. Luke and Reggie remained awake. Emily's face flashed in Luke's mind again and he groaned, bringing tears to his eyes yet again. He was surprised his eyeballs hadn't disintegrated with the amount of crying he'd been doing. Reggie's hold tightened on his hand.
Just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times. These same words had been flickering in and out of his head and it was starting to drive him crazy. He brought the heels of his hands up to his eyes, rubbing and pressing hard, to the point of pain. It made little bursts of light flash behind his eyelids.
Luke felt the bed dip and Reggie got up and walked over to Julie's bag. He pulled out the brand new notebook that had yet to be filled, grabbed a pen from Luke's desk and brought it over to him.
"Write it down. You know it won't leave you alone if you don't." Reggie passed over the pen and notebook.
Luke stared at the empty page, the pen hovering above it but his hand refused to move. Everytime he thought about writing out some of the lyrics in his head, his heart would break all over again and his mind would remind him of all the time he wasted fighting his mother over this.
Reggie took the book out of his hand and positioned the pen over the paper, waiting for Luke to speak the words aloud. He sniffled instead and groaned, his headache was getting worse as the words begged to spill out of his mouth.
"I can't." He said. Reggie looked at him and back to the paper.
"You can. Otherwise it would have all been for nothing." He didn't have to elaborate. Luke understood what he was saying but he still couldn't bring himself to voice the words.
"I'm quitting the band." Luke said in response. Reggie snorted.
"Yeah, okay. Well, you go ahead and tell Julie and Flynn." Reggie said, knowing they'd kill him for even thinking about it. They'd just signed a record deal, they'd signed another deal to tour with Panic. He knew Luke would be able to get out of it but somehow, Reggie knew he didn't really want to.
"Don't even think about it." Flynn responded sleepily from his side. She spoke in her sleep, Luke words working themselves into her dream. Reggie beamed beside her and wiggled his eyebrows at Luke.
"You don't have to tell Julie anything, I'm just going to pretend I heard nothing of this conversation. I'm going to go back to sleep and in the morning, you're going to fully delete the idea from your brain." Julie said sleepily and then proceeded to fall back asleep like she'd never woken up in the first place.
"So obnoxious." Reggie said.
"Right?!" Luke answered. It was silent again after that.
"She'd never want you to quit. You know that right? All she ever wanted was for you to live your dreams, even if she went about it wrong sometimes." Reggie said, he was talking about Emily now. Luke nodded. He knew, that didn't mean it was any easier to continue on like he hadn't just lost the most important person in his world.
It was unfair, that their world would continue spinning. The opportunities kept coming, their dreams kept floating within reach even though an integral part of it was gone. It should stop, everything should cease to exist just like his mother had.
Luke took the notebook and pen back, propping it up in his bent knees. Reggie situated himself again and watched Luke bring the pen down on the paper, hesitate, and then start scribbling. He wrote for a while until he'd spent his soul onto the pages. By the time he had finished, Reggie had fallen asleep too.
Luke clutched the book to his chest and relaxed back into the pile of limbs surrounding him. Their steady breaths and slow heartbeats eased him into the first peaceful sleep he'd had in two weeks. He wasn't ready for it but his alarm sounded anyway, what seemed like minutes later, waking them all up.
Rose had come over earlier, knowing the kids were all there. She helped Mitch prepare breakfast for the six hungry mouths that were going to make their way down the stairs any minute. It was an hour before they had to be at school and she was going to drive them.
Luke was the first to come down and before he could even greet the two adults in his kitchen, Rose had enveloped him in a hug. Pouring all of her worry and love into him through the contact. Mitch smiled at the sight, the thought that even though his own mother was gone, he still had this amazing woman who had adopted all of these kids without a second thought filled him up.
"Hi mijo, I've missed seeing your face around the house. Carlos too. He's all skin and bones now that his favorite person hasn't been helping him eat." Luke chuckled at her words and nodded, promising he'd be there after school to help fatten the kid up. She nodded and smiled, letting him go.
He went over to his father who was wiping a tear away and threw his arms around him. In his painful, self imposed solitude Luke had forgotten about the one person who knew exactly how he felt. His father had lost his wife, his best friend, the mother of his child. Luke hated himself for neglecting the pain his father must have been in.
"I'm sorry, dad." Luke whispered in his ear as he hugged him. Mitch just squeezed him tighter. No need for apologies. The contact said. Mitch patted his cheeks and let him go to sit at the table with his friends.
They ate and Luke laughed for the first time at one of Willie's useless facts that he seemed full of. The laugh startled him and he brought his hand up to his mouth, as if the unfamiliar sound would leave a physical stain on his fingers if he pressed hard enough.
Mitch laughed at the sound of his son's laughter. The sound melted some of the weight off his soul. He wasn't okay yet, but he would be and he had the people gathered around this table to thank for that. Emily was gone, the gaping hole she left behind would never be filled but these people had placed themselves so deeply into their hearts that it was full regardless of the nagging emptiness.
Before they knew it, they were making their way into the lunchroom. Luke had thought coming back to school would be a nightmare. That the teachers would shoot him pitying looks, that he would have to stomach condolences and sad smiles.
He didn't though. His friends had kept a tight circle of protection around him. It helped that he shared classes with at least two of them at all times. They even went as far as interrupting the teachers before they could get a word out to apologize about his mother. Sure, the teachers understood but some of them shot dirty looks at his friends who seemed unphased by it.
No one was allowed to speak to him without his approval. Julie had full on snarled at Bobby when he'd passed them in the hallway, opening his mouth to make some sort of comment. The sound that came out of her startled him though and he scurried away after that. Carrie and Nick had approached then and they tightened around him again. A look of hurt flashed in her eyes before it cleared and she smiled at them. They eased up after that, letting her into their inner circle more than just physically.
"I expect great things from you. The best artists draw from their pain and you, Luke Patterson, are the best artist I know." Carrie said as she pulled him into a hug.
Julie's heart filled up at her words and she looped her arm through hers, her other through Flynn's taking the helm of the protective circle they'd formed around Luke. Alex and Willie flanked him and Nick and Reggie brought up the back. It was a statement, one that screamed to the rest of the school that they'd fight tooth and nail to protect the boy they surrounded.
They sat down after waiting in line for their food. The conversation flowed smoothly, no one bringing up Emily or how sorry they were. He knew. He felt it in everything they did and he was so grateful to them all for it. Unfortunately, they were too absorbed in each other to notice Bobby making his way over to the table, flanked by his usual goons.
"Look who's back. Here I thought you'd stay away longer. Sucks for us I guess. Now we have to stomach your dumbass face again." Luke tensed up at Bobby's words but didn't react. Reggie and Willie stood up though.
"Fuck off, Bobby." Carrie spat from behind Reggie.
"Just because you're slumming it, doesn't mean the rest of us should be forced to." He answered her. Nick got up at his words though and stood between Reggie and Willie.
"You should really leave, asshole." Nick said.
"Oh! How cute. Poor baby can't fight his own battles. What's wrong? Missing mommy too much?" Too far. Too far. Too. far.
None of them had a chance to react. Honestly, none of them had anticipated the visceral reaction that would come from the other boys' words. He'd been a pain in the ass for so long that they blocked him out most of the time. Unfortunately, Luke had been hanging on by a thread the entire day and that thread had just snapped.
Luke lunged from the table and pushed his way through both Reggie and Nick, forcing them to the side and almost knocking them into the girls seated behind them. Luke barreled into Bobby, causing him to lose his balance and fall backwards. Luke was on top of him in less than a second. One hand curled into Bobby's shirt, lifting him up and the other swung down across his jaw.
Luke stood up, pulling Bobby with him. He swung again, this time into the boy's stomach, making him double over as the breath was literally knocked out of him. Bobby got back up and pivoted out of Luke's hold, landing his own hit against Luke's cheek. Luke grabbed his shirt again and pushed him until his back landed hard against the wall. His face inches away from Bobby's.
"Say it again. Say one more fucking word, Bobby." Luke growled in his face. Bobby didn't answer but instead spit in his face. Luke saw red, he lost all semblance of control in that moment.
He wasn't sure how many times he had landed a hit before he was pulled off of him. All he knew was this his knuckles throbbed along with his head. That there was too much blood on his knuckles for it to belong only to him. He didn't know who was holding him back nor did he care. He shoved the person (Alex) off and grabbed his bookbag, storming through the emergency exit in the lunchroom causing a shrill alarm to blare. None of them reacted, they were still in shock.
Bobby stood up, wiping his face and glaring at their table. "I hope he enjoys expulsion." He spat at them.
"Really? Because from where the eight of us are sitting, it looked like you started the fight, Bobby." Carrie spoke up. "Hm, eight witnesses, all with matching stories, against just your word?" I don't think so. Though I'm sure dad is going to be so pissed to learn you got yourself suspended and how! I can't wait to tell him. His newest band and here you are ruining all the work he's done." She tsked and let out a little giggle that dripped disdain and arched an eyebrow. Daring him to say another word.
He looked at her with disgust but couldn't hold himself back from digging a little deeper under their skin.
"Tell your little friend this isn't over." He wiped his mouth again and turned to walk away but Willie walked up and shoved him up against the wall again as hard as he could, causing Bobby's head to bounce off of the hard plaster behind him.
"If you know what's good for you, this will be the last time you even breathe in our direction. I promise you, you don't want to push me on this." Willie hated being violent. He hated how much it reminded him of his own father but for Luke, for his friends? He'd channel the part of himself he never wanted to let out. He slammed Bobby against the wall one last time before he gathered his stuff and ushered the rest of them out through the same exit that was still blaring through the lunchroom.
He'd be in so much shit for this. His dad would be so upset. Fighting in school the first day he'd been back? As if the man didn't have enough to deal with. And his friends, he'd left them behind to clean up his mess. He just couldn't think straight. Bobby's words had triggered an animal like response in him, he had no control over himself when his words had registered in his head.
He looked down at his knuckles as he opened the gate to the Molina's back yard. The split skin and dried blood there made his stomach roll. He was hoping that no one would be home and he'd be able to lock himself away in the studio to try and work on the song he'd written earlier that morning.
No such luck. Rose looked up at the sound of the gate, Carlos running circles around her, chasing the bubbles she was blowing for him. She took one look at the bruise that was quickly turning purple on his cheek and his bloody knuckles and stood up, bringing Carlos with her. The kid was still giggling trying to reach for the last bubble before it popped and almost tossing himself out of her arms.
She walked up to him and gently placed her fingers under the bruise, lifting his jaw to the light of the sun so she could see it better.
"Some ice should make that feel better." She picked up his right hand and looked at the knuckles. "Some bandages too, I think." She didn't ask any questions, just turned and walked into the house, expecting him to follow. He did.
She was quiet as she placed Carlos in his high chair. The kid scrunched up his face and reached towards Luke. "Luke, up! I wanna go up!" He said as he made grabby hands in Luke's direction. Luke moved to pick him up and hissed when the scabs on his knuckles opened up again.
Rose came back and moved Luke so he'd sit in the chair and brought Carlos to him, placing the toddler in Luke's lap. Luke placed his nose in the kids hair, the smell of baby shampoo both comforting and helping to clear the throbbing from his head.
Rose moved around the kitchen, pulling out the first aid kit and the ice tray. She filled a ziploc bag with ice, bringing it over to Luke and holding it up to his cheek. He brought his good hand up to hold it there. The damaged one was wrapped around Carlos' waist, holding the kid on his lap. Rose pulled the hand forward closer to her and Carlos saw the blood.
"Uh-oh! Luke has booboo! Mommy, make it better!" Carlos demanded and Luke laughed.
"She always does, little man." Carlos nodded, too serious for an almost four year old. He crossed his arms over his chest and watched his mother work. Watching every movement like a doctor watching a nurse in training. It made them both laugh.
"It was Bobby. I know I shouldn't let him get to me and usually I don't but today was just...too much. He went too far." Rose nodded in understanding.
"I hope you taught him a lesson." Was all she said. He hoped so too.
"Did you have anything planned or were you going to just hide away here until everyone else hunted you down?" Rose asked. From anyone else, the words would have made Luke bristle but from her, spoken with a small smile as she gently bandaged his hand, it only soothed him.
"I was going to work on a song I wrote last night but it doesn't look like I'll be able to play." He held up his hand as if to emphasize his point.
"Well I guess it's lucky for you that I can, huh?" God he loved this woman so much, was so thankful to have her in his life, that he felt it like a physical presence beside him every time he was in her vicinity.
They moved to the studio where Rose placed Carlos on the couch with his iPad to keep him busy. Luke grabbed his notebook and opened it to the page.
"Does it have a name yet?" Rose asked while she positioned herself at the piano bench, tracing her fingers over the cool ivory keys.
"It's called Sign of the Times." He answered. She nodded.
"Okay, start me off. What kind of melody did you envision?" He explained the way he wanted the song to flow. That he wanted to encompass all of the pain he felt at losing his mother. He wanted the instruments to cry with him as he sang the song.
She nodded along like his crazy words made sense to her and when she started playing he was surprised that he was surprised at all. She, just like her daughter, bled music. Understood it on a chemical level. All he'd ever had to tell Julie was the emotions he wanted the songs to portray and she would find the perfect melody. It seemed that gift had been inherited.
She finished the instrumental and turned back to him for approval. He nodded, open mouthed and she started from the beginning, setting the metronome going to count the timing.
As she played, he sang. His eyes were closed, his back facing the doors to the studio so he didn't see his friends gathering outside of it. Reggie with one arm around Flynn, the other around Julie. Alex on her other side, his arm around her too, Willie's around his waist. Carrie and Nick stood to their right, Nick's arm around her shoulders.
Just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times
Welcome to the final show
I hope you're wearing your best clothes
You can't bribe the door on your way to the sky
You looked pretty good down here
But you ain't really good
He sang to his mother, who he'd never see again. Who he hoped was still with him. He wasn't sure what he believed in. Whether there was a god or if any of the god's they'd lit candles for looked out for them, for him. He didn't know but he liked to hope so.
If we never learn, we been here before
Why are we always stuck and running from
The bullets?
The bullets
We never learn, we been here before
Why are we always stuck and running from
The bullets?
The bullets
His voice hit a note he'd never thought to try but he liked the way it sounded against the melody Rose made. He never thought he'd be able to hit that note. Maybe Bobby's hit had knocked something loose. Either way, it was good to know that two weeks of not using it at all, had made his voice better. Vocal rest, duh.
Just stop your crying
It's a sign of the times
We gotta get away from here
We gotta get away from here
Just stop your crying
It'll be alright
They told me that the end is near
We gotta get away from here
He thought about how bad he'd wanted to get away from the hospital when he sat there for hours waiting, waiting, waiting. How much he wished he could change it all as he sat in the ambulance and watched the EMT's try and fail to bring his mother back to consciousness.
Just stop your crying
Have the time of your life
Breaking through the atmosphere
And things are pretty good from here
Remember everything will be alright
We can meet again somewhere
Somewhere far away from here
He so hoped he'd see her again some day. He hoped he could apologize for every painful word he'd hurled at her. He hoped she was somewhere out there now listening to him sing because he was singing for her. Distantly he thought about where he'd add drums and bass to complete the sound but mostly he just thought about his mother and he cried.
We don't talk enough
We should open up
Before it's all too much
Will we ever learn?
We've been here before
It's just what we know
His pain dripped from the words he sang and unknown to him, there was not a dry eye in the studio. His eyes were still closed, he hadn't opened them yet, instead he imagined his mother sitting in front of him. Smiling at his music, nodding along to the melody. He imagined how proud she was when they'd signed the record deal. How ecstatic she had been to learn he was going on tour. Reggie was right, she'd never want him to quit.
Stop your crying, it's a sign of the times
He brought the song to a close. His voice cracked with the emotion of it, making him light headed. The notebook was clutched in his hands so hard that the blood was seeping through the bandage, the knuckles on his other hand white from the force of his grip. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see Rose's face in case it was pitying.
Instead he was ambushed. Arms flung around him tears and sniffles and beating hearts surrounding him from every available angle. He didn't know who was who, didn't really care because in that moment he felt so loved, so complete that it took the air out of his lungs.
Yeah, no one would ever fill the void his mother had left behind but these people? They did a damn good job of fitting themselves around it, a shield to protect him from being swallowed whole by it.