Toni was reading in the living room drinking coffee. Jarvis was sitting next to her looking over a shopping list.

"By the way Toni did you take your medication?"

Toni thought for a second. Had she? It was hard to remember honestly.

Toni smiled when Jarvis presented her meds, Gatorade and a snack. Toni was distinctly grateful Jarvis was always on her case to take care of herself. Hydration, food, meds, going to her appointments. He still sat with her through the night when nightmares gripped her. Always there with a clean shirt and a warm drink. Part of Toni resented that this affection had to be done secretly with the utmost discretion, part of her was glad to have it at all. Jarvis also seemed to have a knack for knowing what was in her dreams. If it was her parents or school he would offer a hug. When it was Obie or Stone he kept his distance. Toni knew there was something so sad that the only time the house wasn't a mausoleum of an empty childhood and hidden pain was when Jarvis held her hand as the world fell around her, that he would clean the sick off of her, wash her face, keep her warm.

He cared so much but he was from this same world. The world of control and appearances. Afraid of the same people just as afraid to say what he thought. He got it but was too in it, unwilling to push for change for her. Not that Toni was literally any better she was worse but whatever it still sucked, and really left her feeling alone.

Angry and lost and alone. It all hurt and Rhodey was far away, and Rhodey couldn't understand. He'd been through a lot yeah, so much. His family wasn't given a golden platter like she was, they worked for it. Faced adversity she never had, but he was loved. He was so loved and she was jealous and it was unfair the girl with the butler ever be jealous but she was.

I shouldn't be this way but I am, that will be the title of her autobiography.

Toni hated her psychiatrist; his goal seemed to be getting her to act like she was okay. Which was fine or whatever. By July he stated she was fine now, which was chill she would be fine, but it was annoying to have someone paid to not care.

"I'm so glad he thinks you are doing so much better," Maria said during dinner.

"Yeah, it's good. He says he'll see me to refill prescriptions still but yeah I'm stabilized." Toni explained

"Good, we can move forward," Howard said with a curt nod.

Toni stared at then, her mother's wacko portions, her dad drinking whisky. Maybe right there was why she was exactly this way. So much was laid out right there. She wanted to laugh, she guessed she must have not been hiding her expression.

"What's funny?" Maria asked.

"Oh just Howard's sitting here drinking after I gave myself alcohol poisoning, you're just sitting there on one of your wacko diets after I had to be treated for an eating disorder. But I don't know, we all know I'm fine. Everything just started when a body raped me, it's not like this house has been a goddamn nightmare my whole life. All this hate and hurt and you never listen. I'm screaming, I've been screaming. I needed you. I just thought maybe you would care enough to pay attention now!" Toni yelled.

Howard banged his fist on the table so hard both Toni and her mother shrank back in their seats but Toni's expression stayed hard, the flame of anger as strong as the shock of terror.

"You know we have done everything in our power to take care of you. You have always had anything you could need. I think you should go to bed now before you say something like that again." He banged his fist again with the last word of his statement.

Maria grabbed Toni by the wrist roughly yanking her back to her room. Maria's eyes showed an uncharacteristic kind of anger.

"Toni, you know we care about you, but you have to learn to not be so emotional. We've dealt with these things in the past, what good does it do to bring them up again? What do you get from just working us up hmm, just being hurtful?" She said eyes were cold.

"I'm sorry mom. I am, I didn't mean to make him hurt you." Toni said the fear and sadness rushed over her drowning the anger in despair.

Maria nodded and turned to leave the room, she paused and added "Just think before you speak. You know better than to pull a tone like that."

Toni nodded watching the door close. She leaned back on the bed trying to read a book, then she pulled out her laptop, till she gave up and just paced back and forth. This nervous irritation and anger drove her pacing to a fast speed till she just sat on the bed having made herself dizzy. She dropped her head into her hands. This angry noise ate at her throat till she couldn't hold in anymore. Toni rolled onto her stomach she screamed bloody murder into her pillow. Only the cold touch of Dum-E tried to steady Toni as her body shook with fear, anger and grief.

The next day her dad got to still be mad, Maria gotta act like nothing happened going back to her mostly faux happiness. Toni just watched an emptiness eating at her heart, every flash of her emotions was squashed and fed into the gaping wound in her chest. Never let them see you break, Toni said to herself. All she could think was that they never cared why even try to talk to them anymore?

Toni was psyched when it was finally time to see Rhodey. She had been invited to spend some time with his family. Her bags were packed and she stood next to one of the cars from the endless garages. She was eager to be somewhere where she didn't feel like a burden. The car ride was seemingly endless; the driver she had was one who he hadn't even met before, she missed Jarvis the whole time. Jarvis would have regaled her with stories of growing up in some dumb fuck nowhere town or England, it didn't matter Toni knew them by heart it was better than the dull drone of some newscast and the hum of traffic.

Toni knocked on the door and was swept up in a Rhodey bear hug the moment the door was open. He looked her up and down, clearly checking her for new injuries. The family all gave her sympathetic looks, making Toni wonder how much they knew. The news had plastered their pages with the new the Stark heir had drunk her way to being hospitalized, too much partying or something. No one knew why, the NDAs passed around were ironclad not to mention no one particularly wanted to find themselves on the receiving end of a Stark weapon. But the knowledge she had been in the hospital hadn't been kept secret no one asked more, a dumb sluty rich kid getting too drunk was plausible enough. Though in Toni's mind she still had trouble understanding why someone would drink for fun, growing up she had assumed everyone drank like Howard when he was too angry, or her mom when she was too overwhelmed. Or even herself who drank to not feel. How some people thought it was fun was confusing, to say the least.

Toni spent that week relishing in the idea that people could talk without passive aggression. So much more calming than walking on the tightrope. Nothing like at her home. The quiet here didn't just mean the calm before the storm.

Old habits are not easily changed no matter how much she wished they would. Rhodey still watched her when she ate so she would make a big show of finishing the end which gained her an eye roll from Rhodey though he was pleased Toni was eating. And Toni wanted him to be happy with her, she knew how she hurt him locking him out of her life.

The worst moment of the trip was Rhodey's dad had given her a good old one-arm hug, but it hasn't registered right. Toni had just frozen her fear flooding her body, but had quickly faded into a strangling numbness. Her mind slipping into "submit" mode, blocking the pain. The dreaded 'let it be fast this time' thought consumed her.

Toni went limp in his arm, her eyes Rhodes looked at her with a horrified expression Toni cringed and closed her eyes. Why wouldn't he just tell her what he wanted?

"Toni, why don't you sit on the couch?" Mr Rhodes said stiffly

Toni nodded and sat down, her eyes blurring the numbness separating her reality.

"What is happening?" Mr Rhodes said suppressing his distress not wanting to scare Toni more.

Rhodey looked at him with a sigh "I did tell you guys not to touch her." He turned to Toni. "Hey, baby girl come back to me please?"

Rhodey took her hand pressing his fingers into her palm. Toni felt the touch looking towards the source, her brain turning over trying to recognize what was going on. Suddenly Jarvis's suggestion kicked in. She breathed deeply, grasping the hand tighter. The fog started to dissipate, the source of the hand came into focus Rhodey looked at her giving a weak smile.

"You're at my house. I promise no one is going to hurt you."

Toni started to feel connected again and then it registered how this had started.

She turned to Mr Rhodes who looked really unnerved. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to."

"It's alright Toni." He said calmly.

For the rest of the visit, only Rhodey touched her, which was great in Toni's book. Taking a break was not in Toni's nature so she had also completed quite a few designs while there too. But even if she felt like she didn't quite belong it was sad to leave.

Going back home after that was jarring in an awful way. Stepping back into the mansion was like being swallowed by Jonah's whale. The highlight of the month was Uncle Nicky's visit.

Toni had again followed him like she always did. He had admired her Bots which was more than anyone else but Rhodey did.

"You're a smart kid." He said, giving her a hesitant pat on the shoulder.

Toni smiled up at him basking in the praise.

"You will be even better than Howard."

"No, I won't. I'm not that good." Toni said he could feel the bitterness in her own words, much stronger than she planned. She curled her arms because the labs were cold even in the depths of August.

Fury just raised an eyebrow and wandered around the room he stopped in front of a table that was clearly covered with explosives and guns.

"What are these for?"

"They are designs I make for SI."

"Only weapons?"

"What else? It's what Howard wants."

Again Fury gave her a silent nod. Toni examined him, his body language was still open, he looked his general stoic spy look. But she could swear she could see some emotions drifting in his eyes. When they got upstairs Toni stopped dead at the sound of yelling.

"You can't always do that Howard. Insult me to my goddamn face." Maria yelled

"You're supposed to be a mother, but Toni almost died where were you?" The sound of his fist slamming into the granite countertop accenting every word.

"Where was I? where were you?"

"Running the free world."

"Well, I was busy too. We can't have eyes on her all the time. Bad things are going to happen."

"Ugh, you never do anything right." Howard's words came through derision and rage clear even when the decibel count had dropped.

The sound of skin hitting skin made her breath catch in her throat. Gravely noises from behind her made her realize that even Fury wasn't immune to the horror of the sound of a man hitting his wife.

Toni saw her mom race past her hiding spot on the staircase. It felt like she was suddenly thrown out the time her body froze like a robot that had run out of power. Toni even stayed still when Fury's heavy hand gripped her shoulder. The touch knocking her back into the present she followed her mother's footsteps. Jarvis's voice working to calm Howard drifted and Toni split to go to her room. Fury's footsteps registering lightly. She gently opened the door and her mom was sitting with a blank expression on her bed.

"Hey, mom," Toni said quietly.

Toni sat down and her mom laid her head on Toni's lap. The hair under her fingers drifted through was damp with sweat the greying curls limp. A harsh red mark on her cheek stood out from her brown skin making Toni feel this crushing weight on her shoulders. Toni made eye contact with Fury who gave her a solemn stare before he turned and left.

Toni and her parents were watching a movie in the living room. She had her knees pulled to her chest watching the images dance across the TV. The phone rang making Toni jump triggering her heart rate up way too fast.

"Fucking bastards can't do a damn thing without me," Howard grumbled as he stepped into the yard.

"Toni," Maria said leaning forward so she and Toni were staring into each other's eyes.

"Yes, mom?" Toni answers.

"Are you, are you enjoying MIT?"

"I guess." Toni said, "I like the classes and Rhodey."

"I do want you to be happy. I want you to live a good life."

"Oh ah, thanks, mom."

The kindes hurt, how fucked someone being kind hurt. Probably because her world was built on anger, so kindness was confusing.