I apologize for the longer wait for this chapter. The holidays got in the way ;) and then I was waiting for the site to stop acting up, but I suspect it's a feature that things don't work correctly instead of being a bug. Regardless, I have an update for you!
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CHAPTER 10:
"Pick Me. Choose Me... Love Me?"
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The alarm was going off and Derek fumbled around trying to find the infernal clock, but just as he was getting frustrated, the noise stopped. "What time is it?" The bundle, which was completely obscured by the covers, moved and a face appeared, eyes still closed and with a grumpy looking pout.
Addison had let him stay over last night and Derek considered that a win, even if she claimed that she needed to think about the ring and there had been no sex whatsoever. He hadn't pushed the issue beyond a tiny bit of kissing because he was playing the long game, but Derek had wanted it—her—with an intensity that surprised him.
"Good morning, sunshine." He kissed the corner of Addison's pout and pulled her closer. "It's early. I have surgery." Her pajama top was riding up slightly and he snuck his hand in underneath the fabric, touching her sleep warm skin. "You should go back to sleep."
She smelled good and there was nothing guarded about the way she let him hold her. "Too early," she mumbled when he started kissing the underside of her jaw and worked his way down her neck towards her collarbone.
Derek hadn't been this acutely aware of his wife since... He couldn't remember the last time they'd had sex in New York, just that it was long ago. Addison used to drive him crazy and she was kind of doing it again, even if he didn't really have time to finish what he was trying to start. Still, though, her skin was warm and soft beneath his touch and Derek relished having his beautiful wife in his arms. It was definitely the best way to start an early morning.
They used to have some phenomenal morning sex back during the first few years of their marriage, and Derek wondered how the hell he could have stopped appreciating the fact that this most amazing, and sexy, woman had actually chosen to spend her life with him. He very nearly threw it all away when he pushed her away, first figuratively by always staying at work and then literally, out on the front stoop. Derek had been so stupid and short-sighted, but things were going to be different now. A fresh start.
He wanted to undress Addison and bring her out of this half-sleeping state with his hands and his mouth. His wife was a sexual being, just like everybody else, she had needs too and while he'd been an idiot for far too long back in New York, he was definitely aware of the fact now. "I love you," he whispered into her ear as his hand moved to cup her breast, but Addison's hand was suddenly holding onto his wrist, pushing his hand out from underneath her clothing.
"Not ready for that yet." Derek wanted to argue the point, that they'd already had Seattle sex. They'd ripped the stitches to their post-cheating relationship and it had been... invigorating, he wanted more of that, but he knew enough not to push for too much, too soon and scare her off. She'd said 'yet,' so he needed to practice patience and it would happen eventually.
"All right," he conceded, dropping a kiss on Addison's brow and draped an arm around her waist. Clearly the sex would have to wait, because she made her wishes clear and he wanted to be the kind of husband who respected his wife's feelings. Still, though, just being close like this, he tried to console himself, felt pretty damn fantastic.
Addison rolled over onto her side, propping herself up on one elbow as she pushed her hair out of her eyes to look at him blearily. She looked tired, and while Derek knew he should have just snuck out and let her sleep, he'd done far too much of that in New York. "Don't you have surgery this morning? You don't want to be late for that."
"Well, they can't start without me, so I could be a little late..." Derek smiled cheekily, hoping that maybe there could be a little bit of kissing and touching before he had to hustle out the door. Making out with his lovely wife would be a most excellent way to get his day off to a good start.
She smiled, a little, like she found him just a teensy bit cute and he moved in for a kiss. "You need to go," she laughed and kissed him back while simultaneously pushing him out of bed. "I need more sleep."
Derek got out of bed and pulled on his pants, glancing at the clock. If he wanted to get back to the hotel for a change of clothing, he was running really late. They needed a different arrangement. Addison might not be ready to buy a house, but surely, she could let him have a drawer in her current bedroom. "All right, I'm heading off," he bent down to kiss her temple. "I love you."
He recognized the value in leaving quickly and not waiting for a reply. Exerting pressure would be the wrong move, Derek realized that, so he just made his way down the stairs, a big grin on his face. Things were going well. He just needed to get his wife to actually wear his ring. Either her old ones or the new, he wasn't going to be picky about it. As long as everybody could see that she was his, whatever set Addison preferred would work for him.
There was a naked woman in the hallway. A bundle of clothes in her arms as she stared at him with a horrified expression, clearly not anticipating company.
"Good morning," he said amiably. It wasn't too long ago Derek was the naked one standing around like a dummy, so who was he to judge? A cheerful disposition might make it less awkward, like this was nothing out of the ordinary. Besides, he was having a really good morning, so he could be charitable.
"I so wasn't expecting you to be here," Callie Torres blurted out, clutching her attire tightly against her chest while looking completely mortified. It was a change from the typically unflappable resident he knew, but Derek supposed that being found naked by your boss after a... whatever she was doing there, would be embarrassing for most people. "Meredith said that Addison didn't have any surgeries this morning and I just thought..."
Torres and Grey were a thing? He hadn't known that, but given that the resident was currently in Meredith's hallway in her birthday suit, there didn't seem to be any other explanation. Not that Derek cared—Meredith had been a good friend to Addison and his interactions with Torres had given him the impression that she was also good people, and whatever they did together was absolutely none of his business.
"Look, it's fine," he offered, bending over to pick up a stray article of clothing before handing it to Callie. She took it without meeting his gaze and her cheeks were still flushed. "I'm not going to say anything to anybody, if that's what you're worried about."
He had honestly thought that she and Karev were, hopefully, involved with each other. They seemed to always hang out, so it wasn't a massive leap in logic, even if sleeping with an intern was a bit pedestrian. Turns out it was the wrong intern, but that left Karev a free agent and it was a little strange that the only female presence in his social circle seemed to be two lesbians and Derek's wife. That was way too close to the Mark factor: cocky bastard always hanging about, ready to pounce.
"Thanks," she mumbled pulling on her underwear as he tried to look elsewhere. "I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that," she stared at him, an eyebrow raised. The thought hadn't occurred to him, either that Torres was gay or that she was homophobic. He hadn't actually contemplated Torres in any kind of way because his mind was filled with Addison, but Derek suspected that Torres really didn't want to talk about this right now. "I'm just not into girls."
Derek was pretty certain that Meredith was a girl, but he grew up with five sisters, so he only nodded. No point in arguing that if you slept with girls, you might be attracted to them. Girl logic wasn't always the most straightforward and it really didn't matter to him one way or the other. "Do you need a ride? I have to get to the hospital, so I could take you with me."
···
Alex walked into the NICU, head down, reading over the patient file. It looked better. Much better. His tiny charge might get to have surgery after all. It was obviously not his call, but it felt like a win. Finally something going his way. His work and sleep routine was torturous, and being at the beck and call of Addie's ex didn't make anything feel better, but maybe now, the other dude would at least be useful.
"She's stronger." His head snapped up to see Montgomery looking at him. "There's no reason she should be stronger." She moved closer to the isolette, and him. For some reason, Alex hadn't expected her to be here and he had no clue why that was a surprise. It was her department. This whole damn wing of the hospital was her domain.
Karev shrugged, "She's a fighter." As if on cue, the preemie squeezed his little finger. "She's got a good grip." He could smell Addie's shampoo and shifted uneasily. She was standing much too close for him to focus on work. She'd gotten under his skin in the few months they had known each other and he was always acutely aware of her physical presence.
"Rosario said you sang lullabies," her eyes looked a greenish kind of blue as she regarded him and Alex felt himself blush. He hadn't been aware of an audience, and especially not one that would rat him out to the woman in front of him. That wasn't an update the boss needed: 'by the way, the intern sang off-key and made up lyrics.'
"I, uh, might have hummed a little," he stared at spot on the wall so he wouldn't have to look at Addie. Alex didn't trust himself around her, but then he felt her hand cup his cheek and he knew all hope was lost.
They crashed into each other, all tongue and teeth, the chart falling from his hand. He was vaguely aware that this wasn't a good development because this was at work, in a public space, but Addie was in his arms so he didn't care. Fuck work and sleep, and fuck Callie Torres too. They stumbled over to the rocking chair and ungracefully fell into it, the backrest hitting the wall hard.
"We can't do this," she whispered against his lips, "but I can't stop." Tears were dripping down onto his face, free falling, and it made his heart hurt to see her like this. "It's exhausting." Alex rubbed her back, feeling powerless. "My life is falling apart again and I can't make it stop."
"I've got you," Alex whispered, tightening his hold as he cradled her body against his. To be honest, he didn't care what happened to him, not if it meant that he could be with Addie. Whatever the consequences of this might be for him, the woman in his arms was worth jumping off the precipice. "I know it feels pretty shitty right now, but I won't let go."
Addie looked into his eyes, like she was seeing right into his soul. It felt scary and incredibly intimate at the same time. He didn't know why she'd chosen him, an unloved, unwanted kid from Iowa, but she'd seen something in him that he hadn't even known was there. She'd made him curious to see what she saw, to be the man she thought he was capable of being and Alex knew that if he ever had a real, for serious chance with this woman, then he'd spend the rest of his life proving to her that he was worthy.
She touched his cheek, gently caressing. "This isn't good for you, Alex." He wanted to argue the point, but her lips were very soft and he'd missed this. Her. Them. Going without all of it had been driving him up the wall and arguing with a woman who wanted to kiss him... that was just dumb. "I don't want you to get dragged under with me," Addie whispered and he knew that she worried because she was kind and compassionate, but Alex was a big boy already.
He could sense movement outside the room and Alex quickly got them both to their feet before Shepherd entered. The other man frowned as he looked at Addie, probably noticing that she was still a little red nosed and pale after her cry, but Alex realized that the bigger issue was the chart. He had to retrieve it before Shepherd noticed that it was lying on the floor.
"Derek!" Addie sounded too loud and cheerful, and like she was trying to keep him from thinking about what he might or might not have just seen. To be honest, Alex didn't care that much if Shepherd had caught an eyeful, but he knew that the consequences would be far reaching for Addie and he most definitely did not want that. She was back in his arms again, that was all that really mattered.
Shepherd knitted his brow, like he sensed something was amiss, but couldn't put his finger on what it was. "Is everything all right here?"
Alex quickly stepped in front of the chart, hiding it from view as Addie gave the asshat a brilliant smile. He knew she was trying to distract her ex, that it was all a ruse to give Alex enough time to retrieve the chart, but it didn't feel good to watch nonetheless. Her smile was beautiful and he didn't want her to smile at other men like that.
"Dr. Karev just informed me that our patient improved overnight," Addie said brightly as Alex took the opportunity to pick up the chart and tuck it safely beneath his arm. He gave the attending a brief nod, trying to come across as professional although Shepherd didn't appear to be taking much notice of him at all. "I think she might have a real shot at making it through the surgery now."
Shepherd seemed to have zeroed in on Addie. "If your patient's okay," his thumb brushed her cheek, "then why have you been upset?" Alex felt his jaw clench as the other guy moved so that his back obscured the intern's view of Addie. He was obviously trying to give her privacy, shield her from prying eyes, but Alex wasn't the one she needed protection from. He was the one who'd been there for her after Shepherd had been a prick and hurt her.
"Derek, I'm fine," she stepped around her ex and gestured to Alex for the chart, an apology in her eyes. He knew she was trying to cover for him, to keep Shepherd from picking up on what was going on, but it still didn't feel great. "I got attached to this preemie and when l heard that she might be okay after all... you know how I get."
Shepherd's gaze softened as he looked from Addie to Alex and back again. Then he grinned, looking genuinely happy and Alex felt somewhat ashamed for wishing that the dude didn't get so excited about saving babies. "You always had a soft spot for these little ones. I always loved that about you."
Addie's smile looked pained this time, and Alex wondered if Shepherd would pick up on that or whether he was too used to neglecting his wife to break that particular habit. "It was a team effort, and we're not done yet. Shouldn't we be getting this little girl into surgery? Karev, book an OR, please."
···
"That was amazing!" Derek pulled off his scrub cap, smiling from ear to ear. Somehow, he'd managed to forget what a team they made. The surgery had been fluid and gone without any kind of hitch because they didn't need to exchange words to adapt, or change direction, as they went along. They knew each other and could anticipate their partner's needs during the procedure. It had been an incredible rush and Addison was smiling at him as she too pulled off her scrub cap. She was amazing.
He lifted her up, causing Addison to yelp in surprise as he spun her around, hugging her. They nearly hit the intern in the process, who looked pretty pissed off, but Derek was too excited to care. "We did it!" He laughed as he put his wife down. Tendrils of her hair were escaping their ponytail confinement, curling gently around her face in a blonde halo. This was how it used to be, all the time—this feeling that they could conquer the world, if they did it together.
"We do make a pretty fantastic team," Addison acknowledged, smiling brightly herself. Derek had also forgotten what it was like to see his wife simply happy like this, not wary, not pulling back from his touch and while he knew that it was almost certainly due to the high of pulling off a difficult surgery, he was enjoying it all the same. She was one hell of a surgeon.
"Well, you did most of the heavy lifting here," Derek agreed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as he grinned at the intern. Karev was still looking sullen, which Derek didn't quite understand given the nature of the surgery they'd just done. He should be more elated as an aspiring surgeon, but then again, who knew what was going on in the younger man's personal life? "Dr. Karev and I assisted, but we all know who here is the superstar."
Addison turned a bit pink, which Derek took to mean that she wasn't used to getting praise from him—it had been too long since he'd verbalized just how amazing she was at this—because his wife did have confidence in her surgical skills. At what point had he started to ignore that it would be nice for her too to hear, from the people in her life, that she was doing well? Even if Addison did know that she was at the top of her game, acknowledgment every now and then felt good.
"Dr. Montgomery is one of a kind," Karev shot Addison a quick smile and Derek felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. His behavior was at best insolent—he shouldn't be complimenting his boss in that familiar way and he most definitely shouldn't be smiling at her like this was a social situation, like she was a beautiful woman and he'd taken note of that.
"She certainly is," Derek agreed, dropping a kiss on his wife's forehead. The intern clearly had an attitude problem and there was something about him that Derek didn't like, but he wasn't about to let the guy get a rise out of him. "She was always the one to beat, even when we were back in medical school. I've spent my career hoping I could be even half as good." He smiled at her, proud of her accomplishments and the fact that she was his.
"All right, Derek, you're making me blush," Addison protested, looking slightly uncomfortable as she glanced from him to the intern and back again. Something felt off, but Derek couldn't pinpoint what it was and he didn't want to ruin the buzz of having saved their young patient's life. "It was a team effort, and let's just say that we should all be feeling good about what we just accomplished in the OR." She smiled at her intern, "Good job, Karev."
"Uh, thanks," the intern mumbled, still looking sullen. Derek didn't know what was going on with him that he was still this downbeat after the thrill of pulling off a near-impossible surgery, but maybe the guy's girlfriend had broken up with him? Maybe Torres had come to the conclusion that she liked girls after all and Karev was sulking over it. "I'll go ahead and monitor her in post-op."
He made a hasty retreat, not that Derek was sorry to see him go. There was something not right about the younger man that he couldn't nail down, but Derek wasn't about to complain about being left alone with his wife. "You want to grab a cup of coffee? It's too early in the day for wine, but I definitely feel like we need to celebrate what we did in this OR."
Addison bit her lip, and Derek couldn't tell whether she was happy or uncomfortable with his suggestion. Maybe she thought he was going to bring up their conversation on the ferry, and the ring he'd given her? He'd been waiting on pins and needles for her response, but he'd promised to let her have time to think and he absolutely had to deliver on his promise after the way he'd acted in the last few years of their marriage.
"Okay... Just coffee?" she asked and he was confused for just about a second before she clarified, "It's not a date. I don't want any more surprises. I'm still processing the last handful."
"Just coffee," he promised quickly, hoping to reassure her fears before she could find an excuse to turn down the invitation. He could do friendly conversation and rehash their successful surgery if it meant that his wife would feel more comfortable with him, and maybe even give him a second chance once he'd put in the work to win back her trust. "And maybe some of those muffins they have too, but definitely not more than that."
"I do like the muffins." Derek knew that, which was why he'd suggested it. He had been paying attention, and he realized whatever he did from here on out had to be low-key. No big gestures. No romantic overtures. "Okay, we can have coffee, and muffins, as long as we're clear it's not a date." Addison leveled him with a look that said she was serious about this.
"It is absolutely not a date," Derek agreed amenably, feeling markedly pleased with how his day was going. He'd helped his wife pull off a near-impossible surgery and now he was going to get to spend some more time with her, just the two of them. Regardless of what Addison wanted to call it, this was definitely a win for Team Derek. Maybe even a date. He'd just have to not call it that outside of his own head.
···
Addison didn't think she liked the muffins anymore. Derek had spent all of ten minutes with her before being called away and she'd spent another twenty poking at the muffin on her plate. She didn't think he was coming back. By now her husband would have forgotten all about her existence, totally absorbed by whatever case he was consulting on. With a sigh, she got up from her seat and tossed the uneaten muffin into the trash on her way out of the cafeteria.
"Addison!" She turned to see Richard heading in her direction, and quickly plastered a smile onto her face. She really didn't feel like talking to anyone right now, and she was still upset with him for his sexist stunt with the billboards, but he was her boss and also her friend despite his misstep. "Just the person I was looking for."
"How can I help you, Richard?" Maybe he had a case for her—that would help to take her mind off her mess of a personal life and Addison really needed a diversion right now. Derek vanishing during their coffee break had brought back plenty of bad memories from New York. And, she had also fallen all over herself that morning, climbing onto her intern's lap, which was unprofessional and irresponsible. She needed something to make her feel competent and in control—to distract from how little power she had to adjust the course of her own life.
"I wanted to check up on you, see how you're doing with Derek here." He looked her over, like her well-being was his personal responsibility, which was very sweet but also made Addison feel awkward because she was an emotional basket case and he'd known her too long a time not to notice things were off. "Are you doing all right, Addie? I can fire him, if he's not behaving himself."
She linked her arm with his, patting his hand. "I'm fine, Richard, but thank you for asking." Addison had no idea what she was going to do about her marriage, or her feelings for Alex Karev. She'd tried stuffing him into a little box at the back of her mind, but that didn't seem to be working, and Derek needed to show her he was serious. His pretty words were useless.
"I want you to know that I'm aware of how difficult this must be for you, and I appreciate how professional you've been about it all." Richard smiled at her, looking a bit like the proud father she'd always wanted but never had. It made her feel even worse, and she hadn't thought that was possible.
"Well, that's what you pay me the big bucks for." She flashed him another bright smile, hoping he wouldn't notice how strained her face felt from all this false cheer. What she really wanted to do was to go home and drink wine, and mope over how quickly Seattle Derek had morphed back into New York Derek but sadly, that wasn't an option right now. "Derek and I are adults, we can work together just fine."
"I'm not worried about the quality of your work, Addie. That's always been impeccable." Richard scrutinized her face, looking for god knew what. "You two have been orbiting around each other for 15 years. That's a significant amount of time." Addison swallowed hard and looked away. "You're not fine. You're in pain, Addie and you're allowed to be. A separation is..." He sighed. "It's painful and it takes time to heal, so if you need anything at all, you come tell me."
Addison smiled, touched by his sensitivity. "Thank you, Richard." Her old mentor could be clueless, and he'd made mistakes but he was also owning up to them, which showed character.
"You know you've always been my favorite." He looked embarrassed at the admission and this time, Addison's smile was big and genuine. "I also wanted to apologize for how I handled the ad campaign. You should have gotten to pose in scrubs, or with a lab coat. I may be an old dog, but I can still learn new tricks, and I'm sorry for how you were treated, Addie."
She hugged him then. It felt good to know that someone appreciated her, that he was taking responsibility for his actions, that Richard knew he had hurt her and that he regretted it.
···
"Hi," Meredith put her tray down at the table and smiled at Callie before flopping down in a chair. "This day... Ugh!" She eyed Torres who looked like she might have a genital itch... or something. The resident looked very uncomfortable—maybe she was having an equally bad day? As long as it wasn't a contagious genital itch. Meredith didn't really need an STD on top of everything else that was going on.
"Meredith, um..." Okay, so that sounded very awkward, especially since Callie seemed determined to avoid any kind of eye contact. "I don't..." It wasn't like Meredith hadn't had awkward next-morning encounters herself, though, so this wasn't exactly unexpected. "About, uh, last night..."
Oh. "We don't have to do the thing," Meredith smiled and poured some dressing over her salad. "I had fun, you had fun, I hope, and today is another workday." She didn't want Callie to feel weird about their one-night stand or try to let her her down easy. It had been fun, but that was all that it was. A little bit of fun. Stress relief. "My mother is still in the hospital and I'm still avoiding that whole situation, so if you have any need of an intern for some bone breaking, or something, I'm available to assist."
"Oh, that's good," Callie laughed much too loudly, then immediately looked around at the nearby tables to see if anyone was listening in on their conversation. "That you had fun, I mean. I don't have a case, for you, right now. Sorry."
Meredith frowned. She was trying to be easygoing and friendly. After last night's events, she would have thought that they were indeed friends, but given that the other woman seemed so uncomfortable, Meredith wasn't having much luck with this friendship. "You know, Torres, it doesn't have to be a big deal. I had a great time, but I really don't want this to, uh, affect our work relationship." They'd been a little drunk, as was usually the case with Slutty Mer's hook-ups, and it hadn't been the best decision to judge by the current fallout.
Callie looked at her intently, like she was trying to figure out just how much to read into her words. Meredith really hoped that their nascent friendship hadn't been ruined by the previous night, since Callie was really nice when you got to know her, and a very loyal friend. "I, uh, I don't know how to do this, Grey."
"Do what?" Then it occurred to her, why the other woman was being so weird. It was surprising, really. Callie Torres was definitely a good-looking woman and a little experimentation in college wasn't a big deal, but maybe she hadn't gone there? "Am I your first girl?"
Torres scoffed, "No!" and shook her head vigorously but didn't look too certain. "Well, okay, yes, but that's only because I don't like girls like that." Um... okay. It was clearly complicated for her and Meredith had enough of that on her own. She didn't need to get involved in Torres' working out her private business.
"My point is, that's fine. Don't worry about it, Callie." She really did wish that she'd sat somewhere else though, but Meredith couldn't really get up now without making things more awkward. She hadn't pegged Torres as the type to get all weird and uncomfortable after a hookup, but clearly there were some issues going on here. Meredith just didn't want to get drawn into them. It was enough work trying to keep Alex Karev from doing dumb shit on top of her 1,000-hour work week.
"Oh, good." Callie looked relieved, then immediately blushed at the realization of what she'd just said. "Not that it wasn't fun, and all. Really, Grey, I had a good time." She groaned, burying her face in her hands before peering back sheepishly at Meredith. "I should really stop talking, shouldn't I?"
Meredith couldn't help smiling. Usually she was the one rambling on and making a fool out of herself, so it was a change to be on the other side of it. Plus, Torres really was cute when she blushed. "I had a good time too."
"How are things with Karev? Is he still being a knucklehead?" Very smooth transition there, but Meredith was relieved the awkwardness was gone and they could get on with being friends, who apparently gossiped about their other friend.
"He's still grumpy and mopey about being on Neuro, but he did get to do a really badass spinal surgery on a neonate today." It had been all the other interns could talk about, not just for the chance to see the estranged couple working together, but also for the intricate nature of the procedure. Addison had made it look effortless, although Meredith knew that it was anything but. She'd step on Alex Karev's still warm corpse to get to mentor under Montgomery, even if the guy was her friend.
"The fool told me he was going to quit a few weeks ago. That he'd do Peds." Callie rolled her eyes as she gave Meredith a knowing smile, like they both knew how boneheaded the other intern could be at times. "I told him not to be a moron, that sacrificing his career for a woman isn't going to lead anywhere good, regardless of what he hopes would happen between them."
"I'll bet he loved that." Meredith could just imagine how annoyed Karev was with that advice, although to be fair, Torres had a good point.
It was common knowledge at this point that neonatal was the specialty with the brightest prospects, and Meredith doubted that Addison would have found that self-sacrificing gesture to be romantic. She wanted the best for her service and Alex had aptitude. If he gave that up, it would mean he wasn't the surgeon, or the man, Addison thought he was. Plus, Meredith wanted to beat him fair and square, not by default. She had things to prove and a chip to remove from her shoulder.
"He wasn't happy, but he did listen." Torres shrugged, stuffing a french fry into her mouth. "At least, so far he's listened. I'm not sure about long term, though, he seems very hung up on Montgomery."
Alex was obviously still pretty upset about their breakup and Meredith wasn't sure what she'd do in his shoes, but she hoped he wasn't stupid enough to throw away his professional prospects in the hopes that Addison would change her mind. There was more to this than her being his mentor. Addison's estranged husband, for one. Her very persistent, very charming husband for whom she still had very real feelings.
"He has the makings of a good surgeon, our boy Karev. Assuming he doesn't do anything idiotic to mess it all up." Callie reached across the table for the ketchup bottle and Meredith handed it over. "Hopefully Shepherd doesn't notice him making gooey eyes at his wife, because he seems the type to not react well."
Meredith grimaced as she pictured the scenario. While Derek Shepherd had been perfectly nice to her, he had this intensity about him that made Meredith suspect that Callie was right. She wasn't sure what exactly was going on between Karev and Addison these days. Even though it was supposedly over, it didn't seem to be over and they still had to work together, regardless.
Well, at least until Meredith beat him to the coveted neonatal residency, but then the road would open up for Alex to pursue Addison and all hell would probably break loose either way. They might all just be rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic because the iceberg wasn't going to melt away.
···
"Take this. I don't want it." Addison shoved the ring box into Derek's hand as she set her jaw, determined to make it through this conversation without crying. She'd called Nancy about an hour ago, hoping to get the other woman's perspective on things, but what she'd learned was definitely making her wish she'd just left well enough alone.
"What happened?" Derek looked down at the ring, then back up at her, confusion in his eyes, and did he actually seem hurt? What the hell was wrong with him? "You don't want it?"
"Does your mother know that you have this, Derek?" Addison demanded, feeling a stab of anger at how obtuse he was being. This was good, anger was something she could work with. "If I wasn't good enough to have it 11 years ago, then I sure as hell don't deserve it now." Eleven years ago, she hadn't been an adulterous whore. She'd been fresh-faced and hopeful, and hopelessly in love with Carolyn Shepherd's only son, which hadn't been enough for the older woman to embrace her as one of the family.
When Derek closed the door to his hotel room behind her, Addison realized she didn't really want to be alone with him. It was too intimate and when it came to her husband, she was weak. "Mom gave it to me, to give to you. She's trying to make amends, I think. Just like I am, Addie."
"She never liked me. I knew that, and that hurt, but you know what hurt more, Derek?" There were years worth of unspoken resentment here. Her mother-in-law had never liked her, and had made that perfectly clear over their decade plus relationship. "You never spoke up for me. You didn't ever stand up to her. You just gaslit me, 'No Addie, it's just your imagination. My mom loves you.' I have enough mommy issues without adding your mother to the stack." It had been bothering her for years, that her husband never took a stance.
Derek winced at her words as he looked at her pleadingly. Of course he was. Derek wouldn't pass up an opportunity to make this all about him and his soul pain. "I thought that when she got to know you, she would see you the way that I did. That she would see just how amazing you are. I was trying to protect you."
"Protect me?" Addison stared at him, trying to believe that he had actually just said that. He must think she was stupid to believe this load of bull, and maybe she was stupid for thinking that Derek might have actually changed in the time she'd been gone. "Where was this sense of chivalry when you volunteered me to make Thanksgiving dinner and your mom accused me of deliberately poisoning Nancy? You never had my back, Derek, not as far as your mother was concerned."
"You're right. You needed me and I let you down." Derek nodded slowly, the pleading still visible in his eyes. Addison forced her face to remain hard as she swallowed past the lump in her throat. Montgomeries didn't cry in front of people and she'd already spent enough of the last few years crying over Derek.
"I don't want your mother's ring and you should be ashamed of yourself for offering it to me. Nothing is different, Derek. You're the same emotional coward that I left in New York." She watched the sadness bloom in his eyes and hated herself for being the cause of his pain, but she really couldn't do this anymore. Addison had no extra time to waste—she'd waited for him, for years.
Derek had come out here because Nancy gave him an ultimatum to get off her lawn, not because he'd missed Addison and wanted to work on their marriage. He hadn't changed, or realized that he still loved her, he was just trying to make his own life easier and more comfortable. Maybe he was even out here because Washington had no-fault divorce, and things were much more complicated in New York. If they were resident in Seattle, either one of them could file the paperwork, simple and clean, without any of the fuss of hammering out a legal agreement in advance.
"Look, you have every right to be upset, okay? I should have been upfront with you years ago about my mom, but it doesn't mean that I didn't mean what I said on the ferry." He looked like she'd just trampled on his heart, which made her feel both guilty and furious. He was the one who'd lied, he was the one who checked out of their marriage, so why was he acting like the victim here?
"If you meant it, Derek, you would have been honest with me then, and you weren't." Addison shook her head, no longer having the energy for this discussion. What she needed was to get away from him, as quickly as possible, and find a private place to hole up and grieve. He kept doing this to her, over and over, and she was tired of it. Wouldn't do it anymore.
"We should end this before we do more damage to each other," she could feel herself choking on the words, but she could do this. She could find somebody to draw up the paperwork, and she would sign away the last third of her life. Eventually, she would get back up and dust herself off. There would be happiness after Derek. Tentatively. Eventually.
"Addie, no!" He looked like she had been the one to throw him out of their home and he had no right to make her feel like the bad guy. "Give it a while, please, Addie. I know I've gone about this all wrong, but I can change. We could do couples counseling!" Derek was the one who'd actually taken the initial step towards a legal separation, so Addison didn't think he had the right to demand that they 'talk it out' when he'd flat out refused her pleas that night in New York to do just that.
"If you've really changed, Derek, or want to change, then you'll respect that I don't want to do this anymore." Talk was cheap and so far Seattle Derek wasn't showing her that he was any different from New York Derek. More attentive, maybe, and he had a lot of pretty words for her, but when it came down to it, everything still had to be on his terms. She'd had enough of that already in recent years and Addison wasn't about to waste any more time when she already knew how this would end. "Please, Derek. If you really care for me, like you say you do, then you'll let me go."
···
Derek opened the curtains in his hotel room and expected to see his wife's image as usual. This morning, it felt like that was the closest he was going to get to her in the foreseeable future: sharing his morning coffee with a picture on a billboard. As expected, she was still there, still beckoning people to Seattle Grace Hospital—everything was the same, yet something was different. There was graffiti right next to her. Somebody had climbed the scaffolding and spray painted a message.
"You've got to be kidding me." Derek shook his head, unable to believe what he was seeing. The lettering on the billboard read, 'You jump, I jump. Pick me,' and Derek knew that this had to be the work of that other guy, Addison's man-on-the-side. Somebody was making a grand gesture, proclaiming his love for Derek's wife and he didn't know whether he should be more upset at lover-boy's audacity or at himself, for not thinking of this first.
Addison needed to be wooed. Obviously. She wanted Derek to put himself out there, to show her that he'd actually changed his ways and this other... Romeo had beaten him to the punch. Having competition for Addison's affection was foreign and infuriating, but the other man was clearly courting her, very publicly, and he must know that she was another man's wife. Why else 'pick me'?
Derek groaned and sank down on his bed, staring into his cup. Addison had said that she needed time and that he had to respect that, couldn't pressure her, couldn't chase, but the interloper was obviously free of such constraints.
The question was, what was he supposed to do now? Derek's instincts said to pursue her, to not let this upstart, whoever he was, obtain an upper hand in Addison's affections, but he also didn't want to come across as disrespecting his wife's wishes when she'd unequivocally told him that she needed time to think. Not listening to Addison was what had gotten him into this tight spot to begin with and he didn't have the slightest clue how to get himself out.
He was also at a disadvantage in that his rival knew who he was up against whereas Derek was in the dark about the other man's identity. Was it Preston Burke, perhaps? He'd been very cool and aloof ever since Derek had arrived in Seattle and while he had put that down to cardio surgeons being intense by nature, maybe he'd misread the situation. Then again, he had no proof that it was Burke and the whole situation was one huge mess.
The only thing that was clear was that he needed to convince Addison to give him a chance, that they deserved a second chance, even if she was ready to call it quits. Derek hadn't been too sure when he got to Seattle that there was anything left to salvage, but seeing Addison... holding her in his arms again, there was no other way forward. She was it for him and Derek had to make her see that this wasn't about his mother or his sister, or even Savvy who'd made his jump through unnecessary hoops only to send him out here, to confront his past and his feelings for his wife.
Addison's... sidepiece had thrown down the gauntlet and Derek wasn't about to sit back and let the other man win. He'd done enough of that back in New York, with the end result being that he'd damaged his marriage almost beyond repair. That he'd made his wife feel like she was so unimportant to him that she'd slept with someone else in a desperate attempt to get his attention, and fled across the country after Derek had manhandled her and thrown her out of their house.
He'd been stupid then, but he was wide awake now, and ready for a fight. Derek Shepherd didn't back away from a challenge and this mystery man had no idea what he was in for. Addison might be hurt, but he knew that she still loved him and that she knew that too. They could still be fantastic together and some random wood chopping, flannel wearing fisherman wasn't going to be the end of 11 years of marriage. He'd loved her since that summer day when he first met her.
The first step was to find out the identify of this mysterious usurper. Obviously he would have to be discreet, to avoid attracting Addison's attention since he doubted that would win him any favors with his wife, but all the same, Derek needed to know. Whoever this jerk was, he was seriously underestimating Derek Shepherd's determination to win back his life. Addison may have mentioned divorce, but she was upset and Derek knew from his own flirtation with that possibility that once he'd calmed down, it really wasn't an option.
Because they were Derek-and-Addison. And, they didn't quit. They were both stubborn and hardworking, and they could make their marriage work if they applied the same work ethic to it that they did to surgery. As long as this bozo with his billboard love letter stayed away from Derek's wife. He knew Addison loved him and this other guy was just a distraction, like Mark had been.
Besides, he had something on his side that this billboard sweet talker, whoever he was, did not. Derek was the one with fifteen years worth of history with Addison, the one who'd known her since they were both wide-eyed med school students. He'd been there for their first day of work as doctors, Addison's first solo surgery, the first time she lost a patient, and so many other moments. He was the one Addison had spent more than a third of her life with and that history mattered.
Derek nodded his head towards the graffitied billboard. "All right, it's on." Whoever this seducer was, was ultimately irrelevant. He'd underestimated Derek Shepherd and that was a huge mistake on his enemy's part. Now all that was left to do was to woo his wife back into his arms. Somehow.
···
"Oh my God." Addison's eyes grew round as she took in the graffiti scrawled across the billboard and very nearly ran into the car in front of her. Her face looked downright pale and Meredith wondered if her roommate was okay to keep driving, considering how stunned she seemed to be. "Look at that. Why would he do that?"
Come, Josephine, in my flying machine. Choose me.
The why was pretty easy: he loved her and wanted there to be no misunderstanding that he was in it. The who wasn't as clear-cut. The husband was contrite and good at the chase, even if rusty at romance. The intern was passionate but also afraid of rejection. This move, though, was bold and public—the whole hospital would be talking about Dr. Montgomery's secret admirer. Meredith supposed there could, hypothetically, be an interested third party, but when you hear hooves—think horse, not zebra.
"Seems like someone is quite taken with you," she commented mildly as Addison pulled the car to the side of the road and put the brake on before resting her head against the steering wheel. She seemed quite overwhelmed, which Meredith could understand, a very public declaration of love was a lot to take in. The women being proposed to over a jumbotron screen at the ballpark usually had that same dazed look. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Everyone is going to see this," Addison whimpered, still not lifting her head. "I told him I needed time to think, and that if he was serious about what he was saying, that he'd have to respect that. Instead the idiot goes spray-painting billboards." She turned her panic-stricken face to Meredith. "Do you think it's too late for me to call in sick?"
"Um..." Meredith looked from Addison to the billboard and back again. "How long do you plan on being sick?" The rumor mill would be grinding, even if this was Shepherd and, to be honest, Meredith wasn't too sure it was him. For one, someone had had to climb up to spray the billboard and even if that mission was contracted out, where would Derek Shepherd find the appropriate delinquent for the job? He was new to Seattle and probably didn't move in the same circles as the street punks.
"I promised Bailey I'd consult on a case, so I have to show up," Addison groaned, looking like she would rather be anywhere else. "Apparently this young man is someone very important to her and I'm not about to stand up Miranda Bailey because my husband is a moron. Seriously, though, could his timing be any worse?"
"I think it's sorta romantic." Meredith felt kind of stupid saying it out loud, but if someone vandalized a billboard for her, she'd be feeling a bit weak at the knee. Maybe it was all in a day's work if you were Addison Montgomery, but Meredith didn't have guys falling all over themselves to profess their undying love for her. It might be a misdemeanor in the eyes of the law, but it was still illegal to deface someone's property and no one had ever been willing to commit a crime for Meredith Grey.
Addison shook her head and sighed. "Have you considered..." Meredith was a little unsure about taking the conversation in this direction, considering the other woman was already having issues wrapping her head around this development. "That it might be Alex?" Addison laughed, like it was a good joke.
"No, Derek does these ridiculous things because he thinks he's the leading man in a romcom. Alex is a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kind of guy, which is what I like about him. He doesn't play games." That was pretty much the point Meredith was trying to make here. This wasn't some joke. Richard Webber wouldn't find it funny and neither would the hospital board of directors. The culprit was saying that Addison was worth all the shit that might rain down on him as a consequence of this one act.
"He certainly seems intent on sweeping you off your feet," Meredith commented, trying to gauge her friend's mood. Addison was flustered, clearly, and embarrassed, but it also seemed like a part of her liked the fact that someone had gone to this much trouble on her behalf. "The question is, what are you going to do about it when you get to the hospital and your admirer makes himself known?"
"I wish I knew," Addison signed, massaging her temples with her fingertips. She'd been through the emotional wringer as of late, Meredith knew, between Alex Karev and Derek Shepherd, and these billboard shenanigans were unlikely to make things any easier. "Derek enjoys the chase and he's very persistent. It was charming when we were med students but now... I'm hoping to avoid him today, but I don't know if it's possible."
They did work in different department and Addison was pretty busy, but no, if Shepherd was intent on having a chat, he would find a way and if it was Alex... He might have found the hill on which he'd die, if Addison couldn't even conceive of the billboard Casanova being Karev. This was why Meredith didn't do relationships. It was just fraught with the pain of rejection and expectations you were too flawed to live up to. No thanks, really.
"It's probably a good thing that you're working with Bailey today, then," Meredith offered, glancing back at the billboard and wondering how many of the hospital staff had already seen it. Most likely all of them. "She's not going to care about your love life." Everybody else would whisper behind Addison's back, though. Shepherd was adding fuel to the fire with this. Some of the staff were already completely smitten and the other half thought he was full of himself.
"I suppose you're right." Addison looked relieved at Meredith's words as she took a deep breath and restarted the car engine. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too bad and Meredith wouldn't have to run interference. She needed to find the right time and space to have a quiet word with Alex because he really couldn't be pulling stunts like this. Addison didn't need the extra stress and Karev shouldn't wreck his career before it even got off to a start.
"Hey, we'll get through today, okay?" Meredith glanced over at her housemate as Addison put on the blinker and merged back into the traffic. The other woman still looked unhappy, although less panicky than she'd been a few minutes ago, which was progress. "We'll focus on our work and have wine when we're done. We've got this, Addison."
···
Derek stepped into the elevator, his mood hadn't improved any on the way to the hospital as he'd discovered another sign right outside his preferred coffee place. 'Life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. Love me.' Addison sleeping with Mark was one thing. He was an incurable womanizer and a known entity. Derek might not have anything particularly charitable to say about his childhood friend, but he hadn't set out to romance Derek's wife. Unless Mark Sloan was lurking somewhere, this wasn't his handiwork to fuck up Derek's life even further.
"Morning," Miranda Bailey seemed to survey his appearance when she stepped into the space, but she didn't say anything. She was thinking plenty of things, Derek was sure, although maybe she wasn't. Dr. Bailey was a surgical resident, with a demanding schedule and she had better things to do than sit and ponder whether Derek had spray painted some billboards.
"Good morning, Dr. Bailey," he mumbled, really not in the mood for pleasantries but aware enough that making an adversary out of Miranda Bailey was unlikely to make his day any better. He had surgeries to perform, and anonymous suitors to uncover and somewhere in there Derek had to have a conversation with his wife, although for the life of him he had no idea what to say.
The resident gave him a suspicious look, although Derek couldn't figure out why. It couldn't be anything he'd done, given that he'd just arrived at the hospital, and while his day was off to a less-than-spectacular start, he hadn't exactly had time to make any enemies yet. "You look like someone ran over your puppy, Shepherd."
"I didn't sleep well last night." Derek mumbled, throwing in what he hoped was a charming grin a moment later. How effective it was, he wasn't sure—he wasn't exactly in the mood to be dreamy, not with mystery men roaming Seattle, vandalizing the city and trying to rob him of his wife.
The doors thankfully opened before Bailey could respond, though Derek could see that she had a reply on her lips. Burke and Torres got on, the latter already in scrubs, but the attending appeared to just have gotten to the hospital. "Shepherd," he said, looking amused and Derek wondered if he was going to be flip about the billboards. This day seemed to be shaping up to one of humiliation.
"Dr. Torres, Dr. Burke." He nodded in what he hoped came across as a friendly but professional way if the cardio surgeon was innocent of any wrongdoing, and sent a clear 'I'm on to you, wife-stealer' message if the other man was in fact the graffiti artist. "I hope your mornings are going well."
"My morning hasn't been anywhere near as eventful as yours, I'm sure." The women in the elevator regarded him sideways and Derek wished he was elsewhere. Burke had obviously seen the billboard on his way to work. "I didn't think you were quite that..." Burke surveyed him, "romantic." Equally obvious was that he was not the man vying for Addison's affections and while Derek was relived at that, the other man's demeanor irritated him.
"Well, my wife is a very special woman," he answered lightly, giving the other man his dreamy smile. He knew it was unlikely to work on Burke, or on the women either, but he needed word to get around the hospital that he was unfazed by this recent turn of events, to deprive his nemesis, whoever he might be, of getting the satisfaction of a reaction. Maybe he should take credit for the billboards? Addison likely wouldn't be too happy with him and neither would Richard Webber, but it would also irritate his opponent and there was something about that that Derek found appealing.
"She certainly is," Burke agreed and Derek shot his a suspicious glance, but the other surgeon's face was neutral. Pleasant enough, but definitely not gloating. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see the two women exchanging a look.
He smiled amicably again, but kept his mouth shut. If Derek acted like there was nothing unusual going on, then he wouldn't give anyone any fodder for gossip. It didn't matter what Preston Burke might think of him, or Bailey or Torres either. Addison's opinion was the one that mattered and he was determined to win her over, no matter what stunts his unknown rival might pull. Besides, this... trespasser had to be desperate, had to consider Derek a threat in order to climb up to a billboard just to send him a signal.
"The Chief's looking for you." Torres looked uncomfortable as she addressed him. "Said to tell you if I saw you." Burke smiled at him then and Derek felt annoyed at the other attending all over again.
Great. If he was lucky, he could avoid Richard for a few hours. Derek didn't have any surgeries scheduled for this morning, but hopefully he'd luck out with a case that required his attention for the better part of the day. Otherwise, he'd have to add a conversation about billboards he didn't vandalize to his list of fun things he had to do today.
"Thanks for letting me know." Derek nodded politely, although he could tell by the look that Torres was giving him that she knew that he had about a thousand opinions on the matter and was struggling to keep them to himself. Burke was still smiling and Derek just knew that the other man was enjoying every moment of this, which wasn't making his mood any better. "You know, it's just extra publicity for the hospital. He should really be happy about this."
Bailey eyed him, "What did you fool do?" Well, he hadn't done anything, which admittedly had been his problem in the first place, but why did the people out here always assume Derek was the troublemaker? He was a well-respected surgeon back East, with a reasonable amount of social capital to throw around. That intern, Alex Karev, was the shifty one as far as Derek was concerned.
"He fancies himself an Irish gutter rat aboard a sinking ship," Burke nodded, still smiling that infuriating smile of his, like a cat that ate the canary. "The Chief will be delighted by that analogy for Seattle Grace."
Bailey looked from one man to the other, before settling on Torres who shrugged in response. "Just the messenger here. Although, I did see the movie. It didn't have a happy ending."
It wouldn't have been Derek's choice for a romantic movie to reference, but Addison had enjoyed it when she'd dragged him to the cinema what felt like forever ago, so maybe his antagonist was onto something. Derek had enjoyed the making out during the end credits... and the walk back home, which had included a little timeout, as they hadn't been able to wait until they got back to the brownstone. Billboard Romeo didn't have the home advantage. Derek did.
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Thanks for reading, and for the reviews and favs/follows of the previous chapter. :) I hope you are still enjoying the story!