Title: The Brief Time That It Lasts Summary:
Author: worldwnomirrors
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: NC17
AN: Maybe I should have put an extra warning out there for the previous chapter. I apologize for not doing that and hope that no one was too shocked or something. This chapter I don't think needs an extra warning, it's not at all as graphic as chapter nine was. And also, I haven't traveled from or to an airport in like 13 years. I know there's a check-in, and so a check-out made sense to me but after writing it I realize there's probably not a check-out, at least not like one I've written into this chapter. So, please pretend with me! Hope you guys like this chapter!
CHAPTER TEN
Ordeal
-Arizona-
"Hi," Callie greeted with the biggest, dorkiest, grin plastered to her face as I walked into her apartment after after work. She wrapped her arms around my waist and I wrapped mine around her neck as we kissed.
"Hi," I said and smiled up at her. Then I frowned and gave her a questioning look, but the smile still on my face. That smirk she was sporting really meant something. "Okay, spill," I commanded. "What's her name?" I joked.
"What!" she exclaimed in playful disbelief. "You know what her name is."
"Hmm, yeah, let's see, um..." I looked to the ceiling as if trying to remember. "Oh, yeah, that chick from school right, what's her name, uh..."
She slapped my back gently. "It's you, dummy," she teased. "It's always you."
I wrapped my arms tighter around her neck, pressing myself closer to her and tilting my head to capture her lips with my own. "You're aware we haven't seen each other all day," I pointed out and then kissed her again. "I couldn't possibly have made you smile like that all the way from work."
"Hmm, well, you didn't, but you indeed could have though," she said. "I do smile just thinking about you sometimes."
That sent a tingle through me and I beamed up at her. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," she whispered softly, placing another lingering kiss to my lips.
"Okay, well, you're obviously super happy about something and I know you're dying to tell me and besides, I'm getting kind of curious," I admitted. "So tell me what's gotten you so giddy."
"I'm going to Montana!" Callie squealed.
"Oh..." was all I managed at first, kind of caught off guard. "Well, that's great."
"It's so cool, right? We're going for a week and the university will pay for everything except for food," she continued. "I'm so excited, it's gonna be great! We're gonna visit all these places where bones from dinosaurs have been found and we'll get to..."
As Callie kept talking and telling me about the trip, I wasn't paying much attention, instead I started to think what this really meant, for me. It meant I would be here while she was away on a trip, for a week. That scared me. I had gotten so used to Callie being my rock, my safety net always being there for me. A week might not seem like a long time but to me a week without Callie was frighteningly long.
"So, um," I started when she had stopped talking, and I hadn't really heard what she had said. "When- when are you leaving?" I asked, trying to smile at her, not wanting to ruin the fun for her.
"In just a month," she announced. "God, I'm so excited! And I've always wanted to go to Montana. You know, after Easter Island."
"Great."
But then her smile faded and she gazed at me with a serious expression on her face. "Hey," she whispered and brought a hand to my face, gently stroking my cheek. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I lied and attempted another smile as I slipped my arms down from around her neck.
She looked at me incredulously, letting me know she didn't believe me.
"It's okay," I said, crossing my arms over my chest, "you're so happy about the trip, I don't want to ruin that for you. And I'm happy for you, I really am." That wasn't a lie, I was glad she was going to get to do something that made her this excited. But that didn't make it easier for me.
"You won't ruin it," she assured me as she placed her hands on my upper arms, squeezing softly.
I looked into her loving eyes and thought about it for a moment. I knew she wanted to know what was bothering me rather than not know, even if it meant putting a damper on the excitement of the trip.
I sighed in defeat as I lowered my head, not wanting to meet her gaze, but she forced my head back up with two gentle fingers under my chin.
"Talk to me baby," she pleaded.
I felt tears come to my eyes and I looked around the room, still trying to avoid her eyes. "I, um..." I trailed off. "I don't think I'll do very well without you," I conceded and looked into her eyes again, a single tear rolling down my cheek.
"Honey," she started, "it's just a week. We'll talk on the phone every day, and I'll send you dirty text messages several times a day," she joked, well, half-joked. She looked at me and smiled, hoping she had put me at ease a little.
I couldn't help but smile a little at that, but it wasn't enough to ease my nerves about the whole thing. "I know," I said, "I'm just being silly."
"No, no, that's not what I meant," she said, moving in closer to me.
"No, I know you didn't," I cut in quickly. I really did know that but I really was feeling silly. And stupid at that. It was one week away from my girlfriend, if I couldn't handle that, how on earth could I be in a relationship at all? "I just... The last time I was away from you, things didn't..." I paused, searching for the right words as I looked around the room again. "I just wasn't coping very well."
"I know," Callie started as she took hold of my arms, untangling them from my chest and tugging me closer, placing my arms around her waist. "But things are different now, you're different." She reached a hand up and stroked a stand of hair away from my face. "You're stronger. And this is one week, last time was five. Also last time we weren't talking at all, this time you can call me right away when you get home from work, you can text me anytime of the day or night. You will be okay Arizona," she assured me. "I know you will."
I nodded and tried to believe her. "Yeah, I just... I'm so used to you always being here. I don't know what I'll do if I get a panic attack or god forbid, my mom or dad call, when you're not here."
"Then you'll call me," she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and it actually made me feel a little calmer. "No matter what time it is or for how long you need to talk, you call me. I can talk to you as long as I'm not in class, and when I'm in class you'll be at work anyway so it's all good."
She took my face in her hands and placed a soft, lingering kiss on my lips again, then pulled away to look at me, gazing intently into my eyes. "You can do it. I know you can."
I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes, a few tears falling. I nodded, trying to believe her words as much as she did. "Yeah, okay."
"Come here." She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close, pressing our bodies together.
"You have to still be happy about your trip," I said. "It's great for you that you're going."
She kissed at my neck as she spoke. "Yeah, I'm happy about it. But I'll be thinking about you a lot while I'm away. And that's not just because of what you just told me. I'll miss you, miss being close to you, waking up next to you..."
"Me too."
"But we'll be okay," she continued. "Just imagine when I get back and you meet me in the airport." She squeezed me closer and I could hear the smile stretching over her face as she talked. "It will be so great to see each other again. So, try to think of it as a good thing instead. Even though it will be hard while I'm away, it's going to be amazing when we're together again."
"Yeah, true. I'll try to think about that."
"Tell me more about Timothy," Callie requested softly as we walked through the harbor, hand in hand. The sun was setting, but it wasn't very cold. "If you want," she added. It was okay that she asked. Dr. Evans, my therapist, had told me that it would be good for me to talk to Callie about Timothy, even just about small things, like what we used to do together. After I had told Callie this, she started asking me more frequently about him, and the more I talked about it, the easier talking about it became.
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes for a moment and remembered my brother. "He was in the army, like dad," I started. "He was only one year younger than me, and he was the best brother anyone could ever have. But when he came home after being in the army, he was changed," I said, remembering how broken and lost he was. "He wasn't himself anymore. He was angry a lot, and he never used to get angry easily." Callie squeezed my hand reassuringly as she glanced over at me, but I kept staring straight ahead. "Mom and dad tried to get him to go to therapy, but he wouldn't listen."
"Why do you think he didn't want to go to therapy?" Callie inquired tentatively. I knew she didn't want to pressure me, but at the same time she wanted to help me get everything out, to process it.
I laughed humorlessly at the irony. "Probably the same reason I couldn't open up to you in the beginning," I said and looked over at her. "He wasn't one to talk when he was upset about something. He didn't tell anyone, kept it all to himself." I looked down onto the ground as we strolled along the water, and a comfortable silence fell upon us.
"It's so stupid, you know," I said after a while as I smiled without humor again. "I was angry with him. I was so angry with him for not opening up to me, and then I went and did the exact same thing to you." I shook my head in disbelief at my own stupidity, but Callie tugged at my hand and stepped in in front of me, forcing me to a stop.
"Hey, don't beat yourself up." She placed her hands on either of my arms and then brought her right hand up to my face, softly caressing my cheek. "You decided to do something about your pain. I'm sure Tim wanted to do the same, to feel like he used to, but he didn't know how. If he had known how, he would have. That's also why what he did isn't your fault. Maybe he felt he couldn't do anything about his pain, maybe he felt he didn't have the strength, but that isn't your fault. It's not anybody's fault."
"Then why do I feel so much like it is my fault? It really does feel that way," I explained.
"It's probably because of a lot of things," Callie started as she looped her arms around my waist. "One thing is, you were the last one to see him alive."
A lump formed in my throat at those words. I hadn't thought about that before.
I was the last one to see him, to talk to him, before he died. I didn't know what the last thing was that he heard me say, but whatever it was, it was bad.
"I was yelling at him while he was in there dying," I choked out, tears running down my face by now.
"Arizona, you didn't know." Callie's voice was soft and pleading, begging me to understand, to stop kicking myself for what happened that day. "He was your brother, you love him. But siblings fight, it's natural. If you had had any idea what he was doing in there, you wouldn't have said what you did. Right?" She didn't ask the question because she was unsure if I actually would have said something different if I had known. She asked because she wanted me to really think about it, to realize that I couldn't have changed the events of that day.
I shook my head. "No."
"Another reason why you would feel guilty is because your mom blames you," Callie continued. "And she was wrong, she shouldn't have done that, but she is your mother. And even if people don't always listen to their parents, what they say is often hard to ignore. She's your mother. You listen even if you try not to. But that doesn't mean she's right."
I didn't know what to say to that. What Callie said made sense, but after two years of blaming myself it was hard to just believe something different.
Callie reached forward and kissed the tears off my cheeks and then wrapped her arms around me. "I love you so much Arizona," she whispered and I squeezed my eyes shut, still not quite able to believe how I got so lucky. "I am so proud of you. So proud. And you're a good person. If you weren't, I wouldn't feel this way about you."
I hugged her tighter. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
She nuzzled her face into my neck. "I intend to never let you find out," she whispered
Despite how sad I was in that moment, and how hard things felt, those words put a huge smile on my face. Those words implied forever. Forever with Callie. I could definitely live with that. "You know, except for the week when I go to Montana," she continued. "But I'll always come back to you," she added.
I pulled back to look at her, tears still running down my cheeks, but a small smile on my face. I must have looked a mess. "Yeah?"
Callie leaned in and claimed my lips with her own. "Yeah."
I hugged her tightly to me again, my chest warm with emotion for the woman in my arms.
"My heart," Callie mumbled.
"Hm?"
"You're my heart."
I whimpered, tears coming to me again, happy tears. I hugged her impossibly tighter to me, feeling like the happiest person in the world. "I love you," I said. "Callie, I love you so much."
She didn't say anything, instead she kissed my neck and up to my jaw until our lips met in a slow, loving kiss.
"I want to take you home now," I whispered and kissed her again. "And then I want to take your clothes off," I continued, pressing my lips to hers yet again. "And then I want to just love you."
Callie's breath hitched slightly. "Mm," she murmured. "That sounds divine."
I gripped the sheets desperately, grinding my hips in time with Callie's tongue working my clit. I panted uncontrollably, my third orgasm building at warp speed. I felt Callie's hands caress my thighs and then across my stomach before reaching my breasts. Taking them in her hands, she kneaded them gently as she sucked my clit into her mouth.
Releasing it, she whispered, "Come for me again Arizona." Her lips grazed over my pulsating bundle of nerves as she spoke, teasing me something incredible, but she quickly took it into her mouth again, sucking hard.
"Y-yeah," I breathed as I felt my orgasm about to crash down over me. "I'm so close Callie, I'm so-"
It ripped through me hard and I screamed out, the pleasure spreading through every fiber of my being.
No one had ever made me feel like this. It wasn't just the sex and the orgasms, it was the way she touched me, the way she payed attention to everything I did, every reaction my body had to her touch. It was the way she looked at me before and after, and the way she slowly kissed her way up my body when I lay unmoving and panting, completely sunk into the mattress.
Like now.
I felt her soft, moist lips place open mouthed kisses on my left thigh, across my stomach and around my navel, continuing up in the valley between my breasts, leaving one lingering kiss on each nipple. She then kissed her way up my chest, neck and eventually my jaw and mouth. She carefully lowered herself onto me, her stomach pressing against mine and our legs tangled. She steadied herself with her hands on either side of my head, careful not to put too much of her weight on me.
I was still coming down from the high Callie had brought me to, and I couldn't form any words just yet. Instead, I placed my hands on her waist, gently caressing the damp skin.
"Love you," she whispered against my lips, then moved close to my ear, "my heart."
I smiled widely – I could get used to hearing her call me that. Taking her face in my hands, I kissed her, sucking her bottom lip into my mouth and she immediately opened her mouth to grand me more access. I slid my tongue inside, grazing it along hers, eliciting a muffled groan from her.
Breaking the kiss, she shifted and slipped down beside me, snuggling in close, an arm wrapped around my waist. She nuzzled her nose into my hair and inhaled. "You're sweaty," she stated.
I giggled. "You're sweaty."
She smiled and kissed at my neck, and then we just stayed like that, basking in the afterglow.
After some time I came to think about Timothy again, and I was surprised because it didn't feel as scary as it used to, and I found that I wanted to talk some more about him.
"Callie?"
She was running her fingers up and down my arm and torso, every now and then slowly grazing them over my breasts. "Yeah?"
"Can we talk some more about Timothy?"
She pulled back to look at me. "Yeah, of course. What do you want to talk about?" She reached over me and grabbed the comforter, draping it over us and then propping her head up on her hand to look at me as I started talking.
I took a deep breath, thinking back to that day. "Can you imagine how much he must have wanted to die?" I asked. Callie looked a little confused at my question, so I continued. "I mean, he was sitting on the tub," I pointed out. "I mean he wasn't completely sitting but his feet could reach the floor, he could have gotten up any time he wanted to. But he didn't."
Callie looked at me, but didn't say anything. Either she didn't know what to say or she wanted to just let me voice my thoughts.
"I don't know, I just... It's hard to believe he was that desperate."
Callie traced her fingers along my jaw. "Yeah," she whispered. "I guess it's kind of hard to understand how anyone can be in that much pain."
"Yeah. I mean even when you and I broke up, I was devastated, and that was the worst pain I've ever felt, because it was combined with all the unresolved feelings concerning Tim's death. But even then, I mean I did stupid things, but I would have never..." I trailed off, shaking my head as I looked up at Callie.
She nodded softly. "I know."
"But, I can't even begin to imagine what he must have experienced when he was away... Killing people, seeing people get killed. I guess that's why..." I trailed off.
"Probably," Callie said simply. "And that's why what he did was no one's fault."
Suddenly I was crying. "I wish he was still here," I sobbed.
Callie looked at me with sympathetic eyes. "I know you do baby." She reached on the other side of me and grabbed my hand, squeezing it hard.
"He would have loved you," I said through tears as I reached up with my free hand to cup Callie's cheek. "I wish he could have met you. See how happy you make me."
She smiled slightly at that, then leaned in to kiss my tears away. "I think he knows," she whispered, leaving a few more kisses on my cheeks. Shifting closer, she wrapped me in a tight embrace, holding me against her chest.
I liked the thought of that, the possibility that he was still around, somehow. That he wasn't only in my heart, and my mind, but that his soul lived on and that he knew or sensed that I was in a good place, that Callie made me happy.
After a short silence, Callie kissed the top of my head and then said, "Can I ask something? Or do you not want to talk about it anymore?"
I loved how considerate she was, how much she cared to take my feelings into account. "No," I mumbled against her skin, "it's okay."
"What happened after you found him?" she inquired, "what did you do?"
"I panicked," I started. "Completely panicked. That part of that day is kind of a blur. I don't remember much, just bits and pieces. I remember finding him and then standing out in the street. Then I was back in the house, in the bathroom and my neighbor was there, and..." I trailed off, the image of Timothy on the floor flashing through my mind. "She did CPR on him, but..." I trailed off again, not able to say anymore. The memory of that particular moment was intense, and painful. I cried into Callie's chest and found my body trembling again, every muscle tense.
He had been lying lifeless and pale on the cold bathroom floor. I had watched on in terror as someone had tried to make him live again, to make him breathe again, but it had been too late. Timothy had already been gone.
I had felt so empty and lost. The realization that someone is dead, gone, is so hard to explain. The panic, the helplessness, the desperation. The feeling that it isn't real, that it's a dream. But mostly, the panic. The panic that I didn't get to say goodbye to him, that I didn't stop him, and the panic that never again, ever, would I be in his presence. I would never talk to him again, never laugh with him, never go out with him. Never hug him. I would never get to tell him how much I loved him.
The panic, that my brother was gone forever, that he was dead.
The fact that he was gone, was so unbelievably hard, even impossible, to grasp.
"I'm so sorry Arizona," Callie whispered, her voice breaking slightly. "I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like for you."
I closed my eyes, trying to relish the feeling of Callie pressed naked against me, her arms around my body, her fingers pressing gently into my back. I cried quietly and she comforted me in silence.
"So that's why you moved?" she asked tentatively after a while.
"Partly," I answered. "It was more because of my mom and dad. I couldn't stand them being so sad knowing it was my fault. And mom would never let me forget it."
"It wasn't your fault," Callie repeated for like the hundredth time that day.
"I don't know if I believe that just yet," I said.
"Your reaction when you found him was natural. You were shocked, you panicked and you ran out, because you had found your brother with a wire around his neck, Arizona. I think no one in that situation would have reacted very different from how you reacted. And for what it's worth, you didn't do nothing. You got help. Even if you weren't aware or even if you didn't make a thought out choice, you did something out of instinct that could have helped if he hadn't been in there for that long."
I sighed and sniffled. "Yeah. Maybe." I still wasn't sure I believed it, and I didn't know what it would take for me to trust that it wasn't in fact my fault.
I shifted in Callie's arms, yawning.
"My heart's tired," Callie whispered softly, stroking hair out of my forehead and then kissing it. "Go to sleep sweetie."
"Mm," I mumbled, "'Kay."
She kissed my forehead a few times more. "Sweet dreams."
"Callie?" I called quietly after a little while.
"Yeah?"
"When you go to Montana, can I stay at your place?"
"I need to go real soon baby," Callie whispered quietly into my ear, then kissed my neck through my hair.
I took a deep breath and nodded. "I know."
I had been dreading this day. It wasn't the end of the world, and I would be okay, I knew that but that didn't make it easier to be away from Callie. I didn't know how well I'd be able to deal with my feelings if Callie wasn't there. I hadn't been alone with my feelings in two years, not without doing stupid things during that time.
I hadn't been able to let go of Callie since we started the drive to the airport. I had been driving, and any time I had my right hand free, I would reach over and grab hers or place it on her thigh. When we had gotten out of the car, I had taken Callie's hand and not let go of it until I wrapped my arms around her later before she would check in.
That left us where we were now.
Callie was holding me tightly, and I clung to her desperately, not wanting the moment when I had to let her go come just yet. We had been standing like that for at least fifteen minutes and I could stand there for another hour if it meant I could stay with Callie a little more. I knew it was silly, and I felt stupid, but I didn't care.
"I'll call you first thing when I get off the plane, okay?"
I nodded into her shoulder again as I struggled not to cry. "Okay." I really didn't want to cry. Normally I didn't try to avoid crying in front of Callie, but I knew that she would feel bad if I cried now and it would be harder for her to leave and I didn't want that. "You travel safe, okay?"
"You know I will," she said softly.
"And come back soon," I added.
"Don't worry, I couldn't stay away from you for too long." She pulled away only so that she could look at me, but she kept her arms around me. "You'll be okay," she assured me. "Okay? I know you will. And you'll sleep in my bed, smell me in the sheets..." she trailed off with a sly smile on her face.
"That definitely has its upsides and downsides," I pointed out.
She smiled apologetically at me. "You'll be okay."
I sighed. "Yeah, I know. But I'll miss you."
She leaned closer and pressed her lips to mine. "I'll miss you too." Then she hugged me tighter, nuzzling her face into the crook of my neck and I did the same. "Yeah," she murmured as she inhaled, "will definitely miss you."
"Cal, come on, we gotta go," Addison called.
I immediately tightened my arms around Callie, not wanting to let her go just yet.
"Arizona..."
"One more minute," I choked out. "Just one more minute." My eyes were closed as I tried to savor everything about being close to her – the feeling of her strong arms around me, her warm breath on my neck, her scent, her lips against my skin...
"Arizona, I really have to go."
With a sad sigh, I reluctantly let my arms slip off of her body, and the loss was stronger than ever. I couldn't look into her eyes first as we pulled apart, but after a few seconds, I couldn't not.
Callie took my face in her hands and kissed me, swiftly swiping her tongue against my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth to feel her tongue against mine. When I did, I cupped the back of her neck with my hands, crushing our lips tighter together, keeping her close for just a few more seconds.
"I'll see you soon," she said as we pulled apart, and she grabbed her carry-on luggage that she had dropped beside us earlier.
I just nodded, not able to say another word, knowing that if I did, I would start crying.
With her other hand, Callie grabbed my hand and held it impossibly tight as she pulled me along toward the check in desk. I stayed close to her but didn't say a word until she turned to me and said, "I love you."
I gazed intently into her eyes for a moment, and she reached forward to give me a quick kiss. "You too," was all I could muster if I was to refrain from crying.
"Bye," she whispered.
Suddenly her hand slipped out of mine and I watched her quickly check in and then walk into the gate area. I watched her until I couldn't see her anymore, but she never turned back to look at me. In retrospect, I realized that it was because she didn't want to see the sad, longing look that was surely on my face.
-Callie-
Leaving Arizona as I went to board my plane was hard. I couldn't even look back, I couldn't stand to see the look I knew was on her face. Instead I just said I loved her, kissed her and then walked away.
I wasn't doubting that she would be okay while I was gone, but truth be told, I would miss her and I knew she would miss me too. It was a week of being apart, and that was a lot when we otherwise saw each other and slept together every night.
And I knew it would be even harder on Arizona. After she told me what happened to her brother, that she found him and that her mother later blamed her for his death, I understood. I understood why before she met me, she had been so self destructive. I understood why she didn't trust that I loved her and that she didn't think she was a good person, that she didn't deserve me. It wasn't true, she wasn't a bad person but it all made sense that she thought so, and even though it was hard to finally learn what she had been through, I was glad she had told me because I knew she needed to finally voice what happened to be able to process it and not let it effect every other part of her life.
So, without me home, it would be hard on her. But she could do it, I knew she could. There wasn't a doubt in my mind. We would talk on the phone every day and send texts, I would be there for her as best I could that way, and she would be okay. I wasn't just trying to convince myself of that, I truly believed it.
The flight to Montana was terribly slow. It was a good thing it was only a little more than two hours, even though those two hours felt more like an entire day. I wasn't worried about Arizona, I just needed to hear her voice to be sure she was doing alright, so I couldn't wait to get off the plane and call her.
So the minute I was out of the "no phone zone" I turned the phone back on and called her.
When she picked up, which was after about two seconds, I was relieved to hear the smile on her lips as she said a cheerful, "Hi."
We talked for just a few minutes, because I had to go with my class to catch the bus and all that, but I promised her I'd call her again back at the hotel.
Now, it had been four days since I left Seattle and Arizona and I had talked at least once every day and texted like love-sick teenagers. She seemed to be doing okay, which was a huge relief that made it possible for me to really enjoy my trip. Part of me was afraid she might be putting on a brave face because she was afraid of ruining my trip if she didn't.
But that fear quickly went out the window when I called her in the late evening of the fourth night.
"Calliope, hi," she practically squealed as she picked up the phone.
I chuckled, happy to hear her voice and that she seemed so much better than okay. "Hi," I said. "You're in a good mood."
"Yes, well, you make me happy, and I'm talking to you," she pointed out, "so I'm happy."
She was so endearing. "I'm glad," I said with a smile on my face. "You make me happy too. I miss you though." I did. I really did. I hadn't really thought about how I would feel being away from Arizona, I had been too worried about her to realize that I would miss her as well.
"I miss you too," she replied, her voice softer now.
"But you're doing okay?"
"Yeah, I'm actually surprised. I mean, I miss you, I really miss you," she stated, and I couldn't help the warm feeling that settled in my chest at knowing that. "But I'm not freaking out," she continued. "It's been half the time and I'm okay."
"That part of your giddiness?" I asked as I smiled brightly.
She giggled quietly. "Yeah, I think so."
"I'm so proud of you," I said.
"I'm not sure what to say to that," she answered shyly.
I smiled to myself, picturing her blushing. "You don't have to say anything. Just know that I am."
"Okay. Oh hey, how was your day? Did you find any fossils or bones or anything?"
"Naah, today was boring. All theory classes. We'll get to crawl around in the dirt tomorrow and look for stuff."
"Looking forward to it?"
"Yeah, definitely! It's the best part of the trip."
"Good, I hope you'll have fun."
"I think I will. How do you feel about therapy tomorrow?"
"I'm actually looking forward to it," she announced in slight disbelief. "Because I'll have something positive to tell her, you know?"
"That's really good babe," I said. "I'm so relieved you're doing okay, I didn't like leaving you."
"I know you didn't," Arizona whispered apologetically. "I'm glad you didn't let that stop you from going though. I don't want to be someone that stops you from doing anything you want to do."
"I know that, and you don't. Don't worry about that, okay?"
She sighed. "I'll try."
"Oh damn it," I exclaimed when I realized what time it was. "We're heading out to eat. Can I call you when I get back?"
"Yeah, sure."
"I'm sorry."
"No, no, it's okay. We can talk later, it's fine," she assured me. I thought she might be upset that we couldn't talk more, but she sounded truly sincere which made me feel at ease.
"Okay, I'll call you when I get back."
"Can't wait," she said, and again I could hear the smile on her face.
"Me neither. Bye."
"Bye."
I jerked awake when I heard the buzzing of my phone. Rubbing my eyes, I quickly glanced at the clock – 11:13 – before grabbing the phone off the night stand and checking who was calling. Arizona. A rush of fear swirled through me and I immediately picked up and brought the phone to my ear.
"Hey, are you okay?" I asked quickly, my voice hoarse from sleep – not that I had slept that long, only about an hour. Either way, I didn't mind that she was calling.
"Oh god, I'm sorry, were you sleeping?"
I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding – she sounded okay. I fell back onto the bed and snuggled into the sheets. "No, no, don't worry, it's okay."
"I can call you tomorrow, you should sleep."
"No, baby, it's okay, really," I persisted, really not minding one bit that she had woken me up. I'd talk to her all night if she wanted. "I promise. You know how I love to hear your voice." I smiled into to myself at how true that was.
"Really?"
"Arizona, come on," I mocked playfully – she knew this. "Besides, I said you could call me any time of the day or night and I meant it."
She exhaled. "Okay."
"So, is everything okay?" I had to ask.
"Yeah, yeah," she assured me. "I'm fine, just couldn't sleep. Missed you. Well, still missing you."
"I miss you too," I said.
"Sorry if you thought something was wrong, I didn't mean to worry you."
"It's alright. I'm just glad you're okay."
"Yeah, I'm okay. I just- you aren't here, and I missed your body in bed with me."
I smiled slyly. "Just my body, huh?" I teased.
"Well, I miss the rest of you during the entire day, so in the nights I get to miss your body."
"Hmm," I mumbled as I considered that. "Yeah, fair enough. And, for the record, I know what you mean. Thank god it's only two more days until I come home."
"Yeah. I can't wait."
"Me neither." I smiled, thinking about seeing her again, holding her, looking into those crystal blue eyes. "So, anyway, where you missing something in particular about my body?"
"Callie," she scolded playfully, "are you asking me what I would want you to do to me if you were home with me?"
"Well, you said it, I didn't," I teased.
"You wish," she laughed.
"Well, I know what I'd want to do to you if I was home," I whispered and then bit my bottom lip, thinking of exactly what I would do.
"Oh yeah?" she asked, suddenly intrigued. Go figure.
"Hmm, so now you're interested, huh..."
"Of course I am!" she conceded.
I laughed heartily. "Well, you know what I would want to do to you Arizona," I whispered suggestively.
"I might have a clue, yes," she said under her breath, and I could practically hear her close her eyes and bite her lip in order not to moan. "Could you, um, tell me though, just so I know if I'm right or not?"
I narrowed my eyes and thought for a moment as my heart beat quickly sped up in anticipation. "I would want to feel you," I started. "Like, really feel you."
"Mm-hmm," Arizona mumbled. "Like, how?"
I giggled slightly at how into this she seemed to be – not that I complained; it was sexy, really sexy. "Like..." I trailed off, teasing her a little. "I would want to put my hands on you," I started. "Feel your breasts, you know I love your breasts right?"
"Mm-hmm, yeah."
"And I would take them into my mouth, I would suck and lick them, make you feel my tongue all over them." I had never done this before, but I just sort of went with it.
"I-I would like that," Arizona said quietly. "I'd hold your head in place so you couldn't stop."
"Even if I wanted to go further down?" I asked as I smiled.
She exhaled loudly. "Um, okay, maybe not."
"Mm, that's what I thought," I teased. "But I would touch you there with my fingers first," I continued. "Make sure you were wet." I whispered the last sentence, using my best seduction voice.
I heard Arizona's breathing become faster. "Callie?"
"Yeah?"
"Touch yourself the way you would touch me," she instructed, her breathing hitching. "Touch yourself for me."
I moaned loudly at her words; god, that was hot. "Fuck baby," I moaned. "What are you trying to do to me?"
"I'm trying to sex you up without actually touching you," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Shit, you have no idea how sexy you are right now," I husked as I slipped my hand into my panties. "I'm wet," I said as my fingers met with my drenched folds.
"Yeah?"
"Yes, I'm... Fuck, this is going to make me miss you even more," I said as I realized phone sex would probably frustrate the heck out of me when I couldn't touch her and she couldn't touch me. Not that I didn't want to do it, I did, but I thought there might be a backside to it.
"I promise I will do this to you when you get home, as many times as you want."
"So many times," I said as I started rubbing circles over my clit. "Mmm," I moaned as I felt those familiar waves of pleasure slowly start to radiate from my core and into the rest of my body.
"Do you feel good? Are you making yourself feel good?"
"God," I hissed, not quite able to concentrate on talking.
"Are you?" she pressed on.
"Uh-huh," I nodded out of reflex. "Yeah."
"Tell me how it feels," she commanded.
"Um... Warm. Wet. Hot. And I'm- fuck, I wanna come," I told her as I kept pleasuring myself.
"Where are your fingers baby?"
"On my clit."
"Put one inside yourself."
"Jesus christ, Arizona," I groaned, my arousal growing stronger at the sound of her dirty talking.
She giggled a little. "Yes Calliope?"
"You just- god, you turn me on. I really wish I could touch you right now," I said as I kept moving my fingers in circles over my clit.
She giggled again. "Me too. Soon."
"Mm-hmm, yeah. Soon," I mumbled absentmindedly.
"So where are your fingers now?"
"Clit."
"Move them down, then inside. Let me hear you when you do it."
"Are you doing it?" I asked breathlessly.
"Doing what?" she asked, but I could hear the smile on her lips. Tease.
"Touching yourself," I said.
"Yes. I'm trying to pretend it's you, that it's your fingers I can feel moving inside of me." She moaned, and kept doing it every now and then, turning me on even more. I loved to listen to her when she was turned on, only usually when that happened, I was on top of her or under her, or just somehow touching her.
"Fuck," I growled. In my mind I could see her on my bed, her legs spread with her hand between them, one finger pumping in and out of herself. My body was on fire – how was it possible for her to turn me on like this without touching me?
"Mm-kay," I breathed as I started to move my fingers lower. "I'm doing it now, but I'm pretending it's you. I want it to be you. God, I miss you so much, I want you to touch me."
"I'm pretending I'm doing it to you, that I'm inside you, and that you're inside of me."
"Oh," I mumbled as I slowly slid two fingers inside of myself. I groaned as I slid them deeper, trying hard to imagine it being Arizona's fingers. "Fuck."
"It's me, it's my fingers," she whispered. "I'm touching you baby, I'm inside of you."
"Yeah," I murmured as I started moving in and out of myself. "I'm in you."
"Callie, I'm gonna come," she whispered. "Help me come."
I was breathing so fast now that it was hard to talk, but man, did I want to talk her into an orgasm. "Imagine my mouth on you," I said. "Imagine my tongue, sucking your clit as my fingers move inside you."
"Fast and hard?" she asked desperately.
"Yeah, fast and hard. And deep. I don't stop until I feel your walls clench and I hear you gasp for air the way you always do when you come for me."
"Oh god," she whispered, so low I almost couldn't hear it.
And I came right with her as I heard her breathing hitch and she groaned, that's all it took for me.
I listened to her breathe as I did the same, slowly coming down from our highs.
"Hm," I heard her moan, letting me know she was content.
"I miss you," I whispered as I pulled my fingers out of myself. "I want to come home."
She chuckled. "That's the orgasm talking," she said.
"Is not!" I protested
"Okay Calliope, if you say so."
"I do say so."
We were quiet for a moment.
"That was..." she trailed off.
I smiled to myself. "Yeah, it really was. Made me a little crazy though."
She chuckled. "Me too. But still good."
"Definitely. You gonna be able to sleep now?"
"Hmm, maybe. It's still hard without you here. But at least now I might dream dirty dreams about you."
-Arizona-
My eyes were glued to the arrival gate Callie was going to come out of. I was so anxious to hug her, to kiss her, to feel her close to me again. I had been okay on my own the week she had been away, but that didn't mean I hadn't missed her like crazy. And oh, had I missed her. Had I ever.
I couldn't stand still. I was shifting my weight from one foot to the other, I was walking back and forth, I was kneeling down and leaning against the wall... I was restless, just wanted to see that beautiful face come through the doors so I could throw myself in her arms. I never let my gaze leave the sliding doors, and I barely blinked, afraid I would miss her coming out if I did, even though I knew I wouldn't.
I was getting increasingly impatient – Callie's plane had arrived twenty minutes ago and a number of people had already come out of the gate and checked out. Why was she taking so long? Why wasn't she coming out?
Suddenly I saw a head of black, long curls and I found myself gasping, a smile forming on my face as I took a step forward. But it only took me about half a second to see that it wasn't in fact my girlfriend. My smile quickly faded as I sighed and slumped back against the wall behind me.
After what seemed like twenty more minutes, but was really just about five, Callie finally walked through the doors. My smile instantly appeared again as I watched her walk out of the gate toward the check-out desk. She looked around, clearly searching for me and I waved in her direction as I walked forward. I would have shouted her name, but she was still too far away.
I felt a flutter in my stomach at the sight of her. God, she was so beautiful in so many ways, and she was mine. I felt another flutter, a huge, gigantic flutter as Callie locked eyes with me and flashed me that gorgeous smile of hers. She waved at me as she kept on walking toward the check-out desk.
My smile only grew as we looked into each other's eyes. Callie only broke eye contact to look forward to where the line started, to avoid walking into someone.
I walked forward again until I reached the fence, and that's when I realized I couldn't get to her. I had to stand there and see her, look at her, being only a few feet away and not run into her arms. Not hug her. Not kiss her. Wait.
Wait. I had to wait.
I hadn't thought of that until then.
I did not want to wait. It wouldn't be more than a few minutes, but that didn't matter. She was right there and I didn't want there to be any distance between us anymore, even if it was only a matter of minutes.
I looked around for a moment and then back to Callie. There was still a line and she was only somewhere in the middle of it. Nope, that wouldn't do. I then looked down at the fence in front of me – it was just a rope tied between some poles. All I had to do was slip under.
I looked back up at Callie. Her smile had faded and she gazed at me with a serious expression on her face as she shook her head. I could see her mouthing, "don't." I glanced down at the face again before locking my eyes with Callie's once more. She was shaking her head quicker now, willing me not to go through with it.
But I just smiled. I was going to hug her now. I was going to kiss her.
I swiftly slipped under the fence, walked a few steps and then slipped under the next, then the next and then I could run over to Callie. I barely heard her protests as I ran.
Too anxious to slow down before I got to her, I crashed my body into hers. I wrapped my arms tightly around her neck and clung to her as if my life depended on it. I could feel her hands press me close and her strong arms hold me.
"Arizona, what are you doing?" she asked in bewilderment, but held me nonetheless.
Her body was flush against mine. Close. I could feel her scent, and the smell of her shampoo. There was another smell too, one I hadn't felt before on her. Hotel smell, or airplane smell, I assumed. I inhaled as I buried my nose in her soft hair, relishing the intense sensation of being near her again.
I pulled my face back and pressed my lips hard against hers, kissing her desperately.
Callie took my face in her hands and we kissed frantically. "Baby," she started and then we pressed our lips together again at least ten times before she continued. "What are you doing?" We kissed again. "You can't be here."
"I know," I simply stated as we kept kissing.
I placed my hands on Callie's face, mirroring her actions. I left one last, long, lingering kiss on her lips before I rested my forehead against hers and exhaled, breathless.
Callie's smile was wide. "Hi," she breathed.
"Hi," I whispered back with a smile as I looked into her eyes.
"You're crazy," she said.
I shook my head. "Couldn't wait."
"Excuse me, ma'am," I heard a voice say from behind me and I felt a tug on my shoulder. "You can't be here. You'll have to come with me please." Security. Of course.
"She was just leaving," Callie said as we reluctantly pulled apart and she took my hand. She looked at me the whole time, smiling. My heart was beating wildly in my chest and I felt like my body had been renewed from her touch and the closeness of her.
"I was," I agreed. I wasn't, but I didn't want to get into further trouble. Our hands slipped apart as the security guard took me by the arm and started to walk me out of there.
"Wait for me," Callie said as the guard dragged me away.
"I will. Hurry."
The guard took me back to the waiting area, and I guess I was kind of lucky since he could have escorted me out of the airport. He stayed with me until Callie had checked out.
It only took her about three minutes to get checked out and then hurry over to me.
I smiled widely as she walked up to me. She smiled too and when she was close enough, I took three quick steps and threw my arms around her again.
She hugged me softly, her arms wrapped tightly around me. It wasn't desperate this time, it was just loving and relieving.
She giggled softly in my ear. "Hi." I could hear the smile on her lips.
"Hi."
Pulling back, she took my face in her hands and kissed me. It was slow, and soft, and warm and there were butterflies in my stomach. It was almost like we were kissing for the first time. I wrapped my arms tighter around her body, needing her closer.
"Mm," I moaned silently into her mouth as our tongues met.
Then Callie started smiling, and I couldn't kiss her properly anymore.
"What?" I asked.
She looked at me, her thumbs gently stroking my cheeks. "I'm happy."
I smiled back at her. "Me too."
"You did it," she said. "I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you."
And to be honest, I was quite proud of me too. I had been alone for a week, and I hadn't even had a panic attack. I hadn't even really been sad. I had been missing Callie, but that was the only negative feeling I'd had, and even missing her wasn't that bad. And it was like she said before she left, that it would be amazing to see each other again when she came back.
"Couldn't have done it without you."
"Now that just doesn't make sense babe, you were without me," she teased.
I looked up into her warm, brown eyes, and I could feel nothing but love. "I missed you, so much."
She smiled apologetically at me and then gave me a quick kiss. "I missed you too."
We rubbed our noses together and then kissed again.
"Oh, and for the record, you're crazy."
"You mean the slipping under the fence thing?" I smirked slyly at her.
"Yep, crazy."
"Wasn't it just a little bad ass though?"
Callie laughed. "It was crazy. You could have been kicked out of the airport!"
"But it was bad ass!"
"It was crazy!"
I pouted in fake disappointment.
"But you know, I love crazy."