DECEMBER 12 FRIDAY
It was dark and the forest paths were unploughed.
"Anyone else smell candied apples?" James asked.
"I see a candy cane chimney!" said Peter.
The chaps kept walking and very soon the cold snow became cold ice cream. Unfortunately there were still yellow patches.
"Could be lemon curd," James reasoned, but wouldn't taste it.
They followed a path of cobblestone smarties to a gingerbread porch lined with jelly bean lights. They had to exercise some self-control to not ask those obvious and redundant questions.
"What a strange place to bring a disco ball!" said Peter. "I wonder, why would Fletcher bring a disco ball here?"
Like those.
The house and everything around the house was some kind of edible sweet. The chaps made unspoken plans to skip dinner.
Although Sirius wasn't so impressed because the entire place suffered a serious lack of liquorice.
"I wonder who lives here!" said Peter.
That question was easy to answer. The tempered chocolate mailbox plainly said: R. Lawson.
"What," said James. "This can't be where Professor Lawson really lives, can it?"
They reasoned, that it was just a common name.
Sirius rang the gum drop bell on the ice cream sandwich door. Nobody came and answered it. It was unlocked so they let themselves in. Remus went up the stairs. James, Sirius and Peter remained by the croquembouche Christmas tree, eating profiteroles.
"We should probably look for it," said James.
So they looked for it. But didn't find it.
Back at the croquembouche Christmas tree. James helped himself to a red profiterole with edible glitter.
"Maybe we should just wait for Lawson to return and ask."
"Slightly over baked," said Sirius, munching.
"I'm not getting the saffron but I like the vanilla coming through."
They were passionate Wizard Bake-Off fans.
They searched the gingerbread house some more.
And didn't find it.
Sirius broke off a silver profiterole.
"People who combine chocolate and bacon should be shot."
"No class at all. Was it a silver one?" James broke off a silver one.
Before they knew it, they had eaten the entire top half of the Christmas croquembouche.
"Perhaps we should leave," said James. "Before Lawson returns to find we ate her tree!"
"She's a cannibal it's what she wants!"
"Why do you assume it's a woman?"
"The womanly touch in the interior design."
Such as royal icing doilies and royal icing curtains and lace pancake window decors.
"Could be a gay man," said James.
"Why do you assume the man has to be gay?"
"What's wrong with assuming he is gay?"
"Let's drop it."
They were about to give up the search, and just go and hypnotise Fletcher into telling them where the disco ball was, when Professor Lawson came into the room with a shopping bag.
"Hello boys!" she said.
"Professor Lawson!" said James. "We didn't mean to just enter your house. We thought... We didn't know..."
"Hey that's alright! It's what it's here for!"
"Is it?"
"Such a shame for it to stand empty when I'm off teaching. I want it to be like a beacon of goodies for everybody! Especially for chaps like you. You're always growing! I bet you are growing right now!"
She removed her coat and gave her chocolate ganache hair a shake.
The tops she wore.
"What if I were to just whip up a batch of chocolate caramel fudge mocca cherry devil's food cakes?"
Cakes?
"That sure sounds..," James hesitated. "But I don't think Sirius likes chocolate."
"But I don't mind her eating it!" Sirius whispered.
"Whaaat?" Professor Lawson went up to Sirius. "Do you really not like chocolate? Then what do you like?"
Shrug. "I don't know."
"Come on, I'm sure you can think of something!"
"Well...maybe...like... I don't know... cream puffs?"
"Then I shall whip up a batch of cream puffs, so you may get a look at my cream puffs. Would you like a taste of my cream puffs?"
The chaps had to think intently to themselves that IT WAS ALL IN THEIR DIRTY MINDS!
"When I went to uni, I had a table. Ok I think I will slip into something more comfortable, like a negligé. And then I'll be in the kitchen. In the meantime, mi casa es su casa!"
When she had gone, the chaps collapsed on the devil's food sofa.
"Well you and Wormtail may go," said Sirius. "I'll stay."
"In your dreams! Don't get ideas because a woman is being friendly, or is wearing a red low-cut negligé, they don't like that! In her eyes, you are just a baby!"
"That is not what she just said."
Remus came into the room at this point with the disco ball and a letter.
"Found it."
"Where you been!" said Sirius.
"Looking for this. Shall we go then?"
"Yes you guys should just go."
"What's the rush?" said James. "We're having cream puffs."
Remus turned away, all dramatic-like. "Cream puffs? Oh no..."
"If you don't like cream puffs, have a biscuit coaster or something."
Remus put down the disco ball and opened the letter.
"It's a monthly membership letter from Anonymous Child Eaters."
"So what? I thought you were more tolerant," said Sirius.
"Actually maybe we should go, before it gets too dark out," said James.
"Fine although I don't think a child eater would want to eat us."
"A recovering child eater might."
They arose and were just leaving, when Professor Lawson came in with a tray of hot coco and a can of squirty cream. The chaps were pushed back on the sofa by her seductive charisma and tray.
"Just some hot chocolate while you wait. With lots of cream on top." Squiiirrrt. "Extra cream." Squiiirrrt. "How do you like your lots of extra cream on top?" Squirrrrt. "I loved that table."
Then she squirted cream into her mouth, wiped some off the corner of her mouth and sucked it off her finger.
"Mm. You don't have to whip the cream yourself. Buy a can of squirty cream. It's ok. Sometimes I like to just buy a can of squirty cream. I don't always make my own custard. See that table there? It's like the one I had, when I was at uni." Squiiirrrt. When she had finished the squirty cream she threw it to her pet brawn by the fire.
The chaps slurped their hot cocos nervously.
"Come on. Whoever finishes theirs the quickest gets a free point on the coming quiz."
She smiled at each of them. When she saw that Peter had finished his coco first, she went to the window and clipped some herbs from a pot. She tied these together with a string.
"Open your mouth Mr Pettigrew. Very good."
She stuffed the herbs in his mouth. Then she backtied him. Sirius put down his coco and arose.
"Take me instead!"
Professor Lawson studied him.
"I'm not sure that you're ready."
"Then let me show you how ready I am."
Sirius took an apple from a bowl and put it in his mouth.
And grunted like a pig.
Remus took that apple from his mouth and threw it on his head.
"Ow."
"We really have to go now. We all have salmonella. No, not salmonella. Mad cow disease."
"Moo what are you talking about? None of that is true, Moo."
They could all smell something burning. Then the fire alarm went.
"Don't worry if you burn your cream puffs," said Professor Lawson. "I always buy my cream puffs because it saves on time when I'm very busy. I am very busy, just like you are."
They could hear the fire eat her kitchen. Professor Lawson fetched a squirty cream extinguisher and left to put it out. Escape time.
On their way back through the forest, they ran into a company of Hufflepuffs, fronted by Toady.
"Hand over the disco ball!" said Toady.
"But Rora!" said Sirius. "You're in the band!"
"I know," said Rora. "But..."
Her eyes were hypnospirals, and so were Fletcher's, Marceau's and Rita Lovely's.
Well this sucked, the chaps thought. When faced with antagonistic Hufflepuffs they had no choice but to run, because fighting Hufflepuffs was against the Gryffindor code. So was running, but it was slightly less against it.
So they ran off with the disco ball, chased by jinxes that kept missing them. They came to the cave and ran inside.
And found Brussel Sprouts.
"So, do you have my reading glasses?" she asked.
"No," James replied.
"Will you all turn out your pockets, please."
They turned out their pockets and James discovered that he had an extra pair of reading glasses that didn't belong to him.
"They've been planted on me!"
He returned them to Professor Sprout, but she did not believe that he had not wilfully nicked her reading glasses. She demanded they also handed over the disco ball, and that they came with her to her office.
Those Hufflepuffs. They sure were good at planting.