AN: And now for something completely different. I find this chapter very self-indulgent but I wanted to pause the action for a moment and let the two of them collect their thoughts.
After steadily increasing chapter lengths, this one is shorter and begins the setup of the next sequence, starting the climb to another climax!
Thank you all again for the reviews, follows, and favorites!
Disclaimer: I do not own KWMS. All honor and glory to Hiro Fujiwara-san! Nor do I own any other fairy tales or stories.
Chapter 13 – The Meaning of Life, Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam, 1983.
She was insane. She knew it. The stress must have finally gotten to her. Why else would she make-out with a strange man whose real name she didn't even know, in public (at least no one could easily see them), and on a boat full of high powered businessmen no less. Yep, she was definitely crazy.
But why did it feel so right? Why did it seem to fill a void that she did not even know was there? Why did she respond to his advances instead of rebuffing him as she did to so many others? Why, she had to be honest with herself, did she enjoy it? The fireworks last night were not just over the water, but in her mind, body, and soul. The part of her that longed for companionship was re-awakened. She thought it had withered and died long ago, locked away and starved to death.
Misaki reflected on her life. The disappearance of her father caused such hurt and anger that she walled off her heart with the hatred. She had vowed to be the strong protector and never show weakness. She would be like a superhero fighting villains. It was too easy to see the world as cleanly divided between good and evil: good females and evil males. And that dichotomy carried into her reign as student council president. At least until he came and thrust himself into her life. Slowly the walls started to crumble, but before she was ready to admit it, he too disappeared. The hurt and anger after he left should have built those walls back, higher and stronger than before. But for some reason, they weren't rebuilt. They stayed in their crumbled state. Yes, she had been hurt, but she couldn't bring herself to hate him. As much as she wanted to, she could not even stay angry with him. It was confusing to her.
Nevertheless, with maturity came the realization that the world was not black and white, but painted in shades of gray. Good people could do bad things, or things that were perceived as bad by those who were impacted. The determination of good and bad seemed largely decided in the eye of the beholder. And who was to say the perpetrator truly understood the ramifications of their actions. They might have some knowledge of it or be completely ignorant. People unfortunately lacked the ability to read minds. Thus, she was able to forgive him and after many years, she was finally able to forgive her father. That's not to say she had forgotten what her father had done. They would never have a close father-daughter relationship. She was not the type to forgive and forget. Forgive yes, forget no.
And so, despite her increased self-awareness, the idea of love still scared her. There was always the element of the unknown. As much as one wanted, one could never be in total control. Each side had to put down their defenses. Each side had to become vulnerable. Each side had to trust the other and risk being hurt. It was a leap of faith to share that responsibility with another.
Maybe that was why she had never had a serious relationship. During her years in the university, she developed close male friendships, but always used her studies as an excuse not to become romantically involved. Occupying all her time with work became a habit, which proved incredibly useful as she built her company. But now what? She loved her co-workers like her family, but still kept her distance. She did not like this growing feeling that something was missing in her life. Something that an enigmatic stranger seemed to be able to fill.
She was a fighter. She always tackled her problems at work head on. Why should this be any different? Maybe now was the right time to pursue a relationship. Even though it was scary, she could feel the potential and did not want to let this one get away so easily. She had made the mistake of letting him go and was not about to make that mistake again. She needed find out who her mystery man was soon, before the conference ended.
Usui was on cloud nine. He had never felt more alive. He could not believe how wonderful it felt to hold her and kiss her. It was bittersweet when they finally had to part. It took all his strength to let her return to the now departing crowd and not sweep her back into his arms. But he knew he must let her go for now. The time was not right. He was not yet ready to pay for his recklessness. A close call during the disembarking, where he thought he saw a momentary flash of recognition in Gerard's eyes, sobered him up. Safely back in his room, he ruminated.
Given the circumstances of his birth, he was mostly ignored at first. They assumed that he was destined for mediocrity, what with his father's common blood in his veins. Plans were in place to cut ties as soon as he was of age. He was fine with that. Being left alone suited him. He was more than happy to comply with their wishes and disappear into obscurity. For two short years in high school, he had a taste of freedom. It was ok. He was bored and restless at first, for what good is freedom without purpose in one's life. Then she began to give him that purpose. But, much to his detriment, his alien abilities started to show themselves and suddenly he was back on their radar. There was too much potential for them to overlook. Finding nothing to gain from defiance, he became the obedient son, a mere puppet. His gilded cage expanded a bit, but was still locked.
He knew what he was to them. Simply a tool to be used for the family business. He found the work moderately interesting, enough to stifle any yearning for independence. And for the longest time it was good enough for him. Sure, sometimes he had regrets about leaving her, about not putting up more of a fight. It had been foolish of him to think he could still see her occasionally after transferring, what with the amount of control they were exerting. He felt so powerless back then. It had been too risky to rebel. He had tried to convince himself it was for the best. If he had attempted to leave them, then what? Where would he go? What would he do? So he moved dispassionately through life, tolerating his treatment. But not anymore.
He had never wanted much in his life, but he was now certain of one thing. He wanted her. He wanted to be by her side always. She was the complete package for him. She was stunning but her beauty was more than skin deep. It flowed throughout her entire being. He loved her unwavering strength, her keen intellect, her indomitable spirit. She was more than his equal, she completed him. He knew he would never find another woman like her even if he searched the universe until the end of time.
But how could he be with her? How could he escape? They kept him on a tight leash. He was never allowed to show his face for longer than was absolutely necessary. Dating or female companionship was completely out of the question. The illegitimate son would be a bachelor for life. The family's shame would be put to rest with him.
He could not stand it any longer. He was taking control of his life. He would fight. He did not know how he would pull it off, but wasn't he an alien after all? It would just take the right opportunity, then he would be free and she would be his. For there was no going back, not after the revelation he had. He no longer wanted to be alone.