Notes.

The second part of this chapter wasn't supposed to be written like this, but honestly, after re-reading it, I'm kinda glad it went a bit on its own, since it gives a first glimpse of the boys lives back at the training camp (we'll come to this...oh, definitely !)

CHAPTER XI

"They yearn for what they fear for."

(Dante, italian poet and writer, "Inferno")

a. Vestibule of Hell

So-Ri knew something had gone wrong when she saw Mistress Gyô coming towards her, Go Hyang and Su-Jin with an abrupt pace, the black cloth of her chima floating all around her like a stormy cloud. She was dragging Yeo Woon by the arm, and under the veil of the jeonmo, which she had suddenly pulled down, the young girl guessed that her face was dark with anger. It wasn't difficult to determine whether or not Gyô Hui Seon was in a bad mood, but the conditions that had led to their excursion required such restraint that So-Ri never thought she would see such an obvious manifestation of fury from her mistress. She searched for Min-Su, but did not find any explanation in her features that could justify Hui Seon's state of nerves.

- Let's go, Hui Seon said dryly as she reached them.

- What happened ? Go Hyang intervened, suddenly approaching Yeo Woon as if he was made of porcelain.

She reached out her hands to touch him, and he almost immediately shield away from her contact with a coldness that was almost insulting. Without being aware of the events that may have taken place between them, So-Ri couldn't help but feel that a profound and instinctive part of herself found the attitude of their host particularly ruthless towards her sister. Until then, her attitude had only demonstrated a complete devotion and a total submission to his slightest desires. She was neither disrespectful nor condescending, and So-Ri, while being aware that the problem was beyond her and time, had difficulty understanding Yeo Woon's animosity, especially since his conversations were prodigiously laconic.

- Nothing, Mistress Gyô replied coldly. We'll discuss this later. Let's go home and hurry.

She had pushed them suddenly forward, with Yeo Woon first. He did not respond to her gesture, unlike his reaction to Go Hyang's attempt, and simply followed them silently to the Spring House. So-Ri tried to distinguish the expression on his face under the shady veil of his jeonmo, but it was too opaque for her to detect any sign of emotion.

Their walking pace proved to be even more frenetic than when they had left the house less than two hours earlier. Gyô Hui Seon was advancing so vividly that So-Ri began to feel panic growing in her belly. She didn't dare to ask what had happened, despite her increasing curiosity. The moment wasn't appropriate, and each of the gisaengs seemed sufficiently edgy to avoid adding to their tension.

When they reached the beautiful curved path leading to the establishment, they came across other gisaengs, sometimes accompanied by customers, who greeted Mistress Gyô with a respectful nod, but Mistress Gyô did not even deign to answer them. It must have been bad, So-Ri thought to herself, oh, it must have been so, so bad, I'm scared. Her mind was sending back images of soldiers coming to the Spring House in search of Gwishins, shouting that they knew that Mistress Gyô was one of them, that one of them had betrayed herself in the commercial street, and that it was time to cleanse the country of vermin.

She had already heard similar things, among the living, on the announcements posted on the walls of taverns and houses. Until now, luck and caution had been on their side, but So-Ri was not unaware of the precariousness of their situation. We must be particularly attentive to how we act and what we say, Mistress Gyo had once warned them, because the smallest mistake can betray our true status.

Mistress Gyo knew, she always found solutions. Whatever the situation may have been, So-Ri clung to this hope as their group stepped into the house. As soon as they entered, Yeo Woon's behavior changed drastically : he suddenly leapt forward, having only followed them without a word until then, overtook them all, provoking a collective jolt on their part, and walked violently towards his room, where he immediately locked himself up without giving them the slightest chance to get in. Only then did Mistress Gyô put an end to their frantic cavalcade.

As soon as Yeo Woon closed the door of his room on himself, she stopped, as if all her energy and rage had been locked up with her guest. By extension, So-Ri and the others also interrupted their walk and waited anxiously for their mistress to react. Gwishins did not need to breathe, and it was a habit that was difficult to pick up again when one wanted to pretend to be alive (Mistress Gyo had spent hours teaching them techniques to adapt the rhythm of the lifting of their chests, the frequency and duration of each supposed breath), but Hui Seon's chest rose and fell in an almost frenetic way, giving the perfect illusion that she was out of breath.

It's because she's angry, So-Ri understood, it's her impetuosity that needs to breathe. She herself was feeling strange, almost tired. She also perceived in the depths of her being a hint of a sadness so powerful and incomprehensible that she could not explain it other than by a manifestation of the common consciousness of the Gwishins.

It wasn't really new. Since she had been participating in the exercises of old Jae-Ji with Mistress Gyo and her other dead Gisaengs companions, she sometimes felt overwhelmed by sensations, thoughts or emotions that were neither justified nor relevant in the context in which they might appear. It's a complex thing to be ourselves and everyone else at the same time, Jae-Ji told them in her throaty voice, deeper even than the wells of the world.

On this point, So-Ri had to agree : it happened more and more regularly for her not to feel herself, and her dreams sent back sounds, smells, colors and faces that were hopelessly foreign to her. Mistress Gyô seemed to live this sharing with breathtaking serenity and had been able to find Yeo Woon through it, but So-Ri had reservations about passing on everything that made her who she was to strangers, and receiving everything that made them who they were in return. According to Jae-Ji, none of the Gwishin could escape the common consciousness. It is a gift that can be mastered, but one that cannot be denied, she once said as they were out for a walk and had landed in Im Ji-Ho's library, as Mistress Gyo had indicated that she wanted to share new information about the Gwishin with him. So-Ri did not regret the idea of a collective consciousness, but she sometimes found it difficult not to be able to freely control her thoughts and impressions. Others crept into her with disconcerting ease, while her sisters seemed to have more willpower and control.

Mistress Gyo swung without warning, and gestured to them to follow her into her apartments. There she withdrew her jeonmo in a rage, and So-Ri could finally see the gravity of the raging hurricane on the features of her beautiful face. Go Hyang immediately spoke up, her voice disturbed by the emotion and anguish towards the one she called "her young lord".

- What happened ? she asked for the second time.

Sun-Jin and Min-Su took off their hats as well, in a calmer and more controlled way. They showed no sign of it, but So-Ri knew (felt) them tense and impatient. She also took off her jeonmo, eager to disappear among her sisters. Mistress Gyo, hands on hips, walked around her desk as if she was trying to channel her rage into physical movement. She looked like a lion in a cage, both helpless and terrible.

- He saw him, she said.

She didn't even have to say who it was. Her gisaengs, the dead and the living, had been well enough informed over the past few months to know who she was explicitly referring to.

(so he saw Baek Dong Soo and that's why she is so angry that's why he is so devastated that's why)

So-Ri saw Go Hyang's face suddenly decompose. She thinks that he died because of him, she recalled, and she felt an infinite pity for her sister.

- He was there ? She asked back, in a trembling tone.

Mistress Gyô nodded. Go Hyang appeared to be on the verge of collapsing, and So-Ri approached her, her arms ready to reach out to catch her.

- He was. With his son, I think, and a ginseng merchant, who supplied us several times last year.

- The young miss ? Go Hyang gasped.

Su-Jin, noticing her sister's distress, started moving, gently took her by the shoulders and forced her to sit facing Mistress Gyo's desk. Mistress Gyo continued to walk. Her pinched red lips clearly indicated that she was cogitating.

- Does he know her ? she asked.

- Yes, Go Hyang answered. Her name is Yoo Jin-Seon. He was...

She interrupted herself.

- He was what ? Mistress Gyô insisted. Speak, I can't guess your thoughts.

Her abrupt tone had the merit of unlocking Go Hyang's speech.

- He was very attached to her, she completed, and her voice was tainted with pain as she uttered the words. Baek Dong Soo too. They both wanted her.

- Are you sure about this ? He never told me about it.

Go Hyang nodded firmly. Min-Su, who had gone out to get some tea for them, poured a steaming cup for her and kindly asked her to drink a little to recover from her emotions.

- He never said it openly, Go Hyang continued, but he didn't need to. I saw it.

- What happened next ?

- Nothing. Nothing happened.

- As with Baek Dong Soo ?

Go Hyang and Mistress Gyô then exchanged a singular look, heavy with insinuations.

- No. Nothing happened. Go Hyang finally said, bringing her cup to her lips, before adding : But it wasn't the same thing.

Mistress Gyô sighed deeply, her head raised towards the ceiling. Suddenly she seemed very weary as she turned to Min-Su.

- Did they saw us ?

- No, Min-Su said. They were busy shopping, we're safe. And Yeo Woon's veil was a guarantee. No one could see his face.

- Good. Things must stay that way.

She came to sit at her desk in front of Go Hyang, Min-Su, and Si-Jun. She seemed calmer, but the fury still glowed in the deep darkness of her eyes.

- We ran out of luck, she declared. This trip was a mistake, the risks are too great, and we are located too close to the palace, where Baek Dong Soo works. I should never have consented to it and I put us all in danger. I ask you to forgive me.

Her gisaengs had a similar reaction of denial, but Mistress Gy raised her hand, silencing them.

- I'm afraid the next few days will be decisive. He won't be well. I don't think he's going to let us approach him for a while, and I believe we should give him some privacy. I will try to go and see him in a few hours. Don't do anything in the meantime.

- Should we maintain surveillance anyway ? Su-Jin questioned her anxiously. If Baek Dong Soo came to visit the Spring House, should we send him away ?

Mistress Gyô shook her head.

- We can't afford to dismiss customers, but I think it would be unwise to stop the surveillance. Let me know if you see him, and keep him as far away from Yeo Woon's quarters as you can. He must never know he's here. It would be a huge risk.

- But what if my lord wishes to go out in the gardens ? Go Hyang considered.

- Let him, he would do it otherwise in secret, and it wouldn't do us any good. But always be at least two to follow him closely. I don't want to leave anything to chance. To be completely honest with you, I don't trust him. Not when it comes to Baek Dong Soo, at least. I think all of us here can testify about the madness of the heart.

So-Ri saw Min-Su's expression become troubled.

- And if he wants to go out, Mistress Gyô added, tell him that he should dress as a gisaeng, with a jeonmo, and avoid other walkers. I've had enough emotions for the year. If Baek Dong Soo should somehow stumble upon him, it would be an additional protection.

- He's not going to like this, Go Hyang commented.

Mistress Gyo stared at her with her usual severity.

- No. But he won't like that his childhood best friend kills him a second time either. I'm afraid he'll like it even less.

b. Having escaped Charybdis, I fell into Scylla

A week after Seollal, Huk Sa-Mo received a somewhat unexpected visit from his adopted son, whom he had not seen for almost a year. Jang-mi told him the news the day before, between two mouthfuls of beef : " Is it good, darling ? By the way, Dong-Soo's coming to see us tomorrow afternoon, try to be supportive, okay ?". Taken by surprise, he had let his chopsticks fall down. Dong Soo is coming to see us ?. The event was not really unpleasant in itself, because Dong Soo was always welcome at their house, and he often brought with him little Yoo-Jin, whom Jang-Mi loved, and sent to play with Ju-Won whenever she could, but for some time now, It seemed to Sa-Mo that Dong Soo was on the contrary doing everything in his power to maintain a distance between him and his family, claiming that he was working a lot, that he was very tired, that he had to take care of his son or that he had to accompany his wife to this or that place. Any excuse was good.

And there had been that time they had argued violently, shortly after Dong Soo's dismissal from the palace. Even if he didn't say it, it was obvious that the kid was still mad at him. Sa-Mo knew him like the back of his hand, and he had learned to read the slightest of his reactions, the slightest twitch on his face or the brightness of his eyes. No, Dong Soo was still angry with him, and he was even more angry with him because he knew Sa-Mo was right.

Yet, it could not be said that the latter had not been "supportive", as Jang-mi used to say. As he finished eating and presented some pieces of meat to Ju-Won, who was developing a voracious appetite (that's my daughter, he would say proudly everytime she gulped down pieces of chicken bigger than her or asked for some pork belly cooked a la broche). Sa-Mo remembered the evening when Dong Soo had come to visit them after a day at the royal palace, face reddened by anger. He was making great gestures, and his speech was reaching incoherent extremes that had even worried Jang-mi.

Both she and Sa-Mo had noticed that Dong Soo had seemed to have increased his alcohol consumption. It hadn't always been that way. There had been a time when Dong Soo was doing well, when he had been appointed to the palace through Crown Prince Yi-San as an instructor of the future royal troops to stem the waves of Gwishin resurrections. Sa-Mo recalled the immense tumult that had reigned back then, the terror and all the hopes that people had placed in the government. He and Jang-mi lived in their house close to the capital, about half an hour's ride away by horse.

Because of their location, they had been relatively safe from the anarchy that had spread throughout Hanyang and the country, but they had more than once feared returns with their neighbors, and took turns watching over the village cemetery. The dead had risen during the second resurrection. Sa-Mo could see Jang-mi's distraught face again, and Ju-Won's wide-eyed, as she was too small to understand but not small enough not to feel that something was wrong.

The army had intervened very quickly within the village : the second resurrection had hardly begun when patrols had rushed from the capital to the gates of the village cemetery and into the surrounding countryside in search of the gwishins or to finish off those who had risen too late. Sa-Mo was aware of the need for such repression, but more than once he had thought of Kwang-Taek, Sa Goeng and his wife, and their memories were accompanied by frightened thoughts that kept asking "what if they came back ? What if they came back and they were killed again ?".

After four waves of resurrections, none of Sa-Mo's old friends had ever shown up at his door after years of being dead. He was relieved, but also terribly sad. All around him, he had heard about people who had been reunited with a child, a partner, a parent. One day while he was having lunch with Jang-mi, she asked him in a strangely resolute tone, "What shall we do, honey ? What will we do if Dae-Pyo comes back ? Do you think he might come back ?". In truth, Sa-Mo was almost certain that at least one of their acquaintances had come back to life : the resurrections had been too numerous for the phenomenon to have remained non-existent, but the repressive policies applied by the government did not encourage the Gwishins to return to their families like they had been able to do in the fall of 1767. Somehow, Sa-Mo and Jang-mi waited, not knowing what or who, but they lived in a state of expectation against which neither wanted to struggle with.

They worried about the dead, and they worried about the living. Since she had married Cho-Rip, Min-So was unhappy, and so was her husband. Jang-mi had gone away several times to take care of her when she had lost her babies, and Sa-Mo found her back each time more and more anxious, more and more alarmed.

- He'll eventually send her away, she said, cradling Ju-Won in her arms while Sa-Mo tickled her small, pink, plump feet. He wants a son. He will never forgive her. I'm so worried about her, darling, if you only knew.

He knew. At least he could tell by the look in her eyes, the crease in her pretty mouth, the lovely wrinkles in her eyes, and the tender look she laid on their daughter. One day Sa-Mo had tried to discuss it with Cho-Rip (Hong Guk Yeong), but the latter hadn't wanted to hear anything. He couldn't understand Sa-Mo telling him to love his daughter, telling him that she was worth it, that it was nobody's fault. Sa-Mo saw his resentment towards Min-So growing, and then he understood Jang-mi's anxiety, Lady Hong's pain, and also why Dong Soo was drinking, in a way.

Dong Soo came to find them in a terrible state of nerves right after his meeting with the Crown Prince. Sa-Mo had never seen him like this before, not even Jang-mi, who had sent Ju-Won to play in her room. The kid was fulminating against everyone, accusing Cho-Rip of having failed him, the king of being ungrateful. His breath smelled of soju. His eyes wandered around, distracted, looking for something that neither Sa-Mo nor his wife could see (he's looking for Woon). Sa-Mo had tried to calm him down, invited him to sit down and talk about it, to explain everything to him, but Dong Soo was full of anger and disbelief, and he hadn't wanted to hear anything. The only thing that mattered to him was to be able to shout and get angry without being disapproved of by anyone.

- He said I drink too much ! He had exclaimed about the future sovereign, whose praises he had sung during his coronation. That I'm endangering the training of the soldiers, that I'm not able to concentrate ! Even Cho-Rip got into it ! He was there, he didn't even defend me, he didn't even lift a finger, he just kept adding fuel to the fire, as if he needed to !

There was venom in his voice, a dangerous, latent poison, and Sa-Mo had been afraid for Cho-Rip, because Dong Soo had already had outbursts of anger during his youth, and these were rarely pacifists.

On more than one occasion, he had made some of his classmates bleed, including one young man in particular who had enjoyed provoking him when the boys were just seventeen years old. He insulted me ! Dong Soo had yelled as Sa-Mo was dragging him by the arm for punishment, pointing out how outraged he was by his behavior, he insulted Woon-ah, you don't understand, he insulted both of us !

It was a refrain by which Sa-Mo had been caught off guard more than once : Dong Soo was particularly jealous of Woon's martial arts skills and was the first to challenge him when he could, most of the time in vain, which tended to stir up his resentment, but he didn't allow anyone to speak harshly of his rival, attacking without the slightest pity and with almost animal brutality anyone who dared to venture on this particularly slippery subject. At the training camp, Woon had more than once been the target of the jeers of some envious boys, and all of them had suffered Dong Soo's violence with full force, most often ending up with a bloody nose.

One of them had even had his arm broken, forcing Sa-Mo to run for a doctor out of the mountains. Dong Soo had received a particularly severe punishment, but he hadn't given up. He deserved it, he had said coldly, and there was something in his voice and in his eyes that Sa-Mo didn't like, he called us...something, and he deserved it. Sa-Mo had never known the content of the insult, but he had heard things, and most of them said that Woon and Dong Soo were sometimes too strong, and especially too close.

It was clear, though, that Woon knew how to defend himself, and the other boys in the camp knew it as well as Dong Soo, who had never managed to beat him once in all his years of training. He was calmer than Dong Soo, on the other hand, and had a cooler head, keeping away from gossip and nastiness with a detachment that commanded respect. He never intervened when Dong Soo beat other boys on his behalf.

More than once, Sa-Mo had glimpsed him from afar, watching the scene with his dark eyes as if it was just a show for his entertainment. Sa-Mo didn't like the expression on Dong Soo's face when he said the boys deserved to be beaten any more than he liked Woon's expression when he watched those same boys being beaten by Dong Soo. One day, when they were fifteen years old and Dong Soo was just starting to throw punches at those who criticized his rival, Sa-Mo had come in the middle of a brawl and saw the two boys exchange a knowing look as they stood a few yards apart, one with his hands clasped around a boy's neck, the other just watching the scene as a spectator. There was too much in that look, and none of it had seemed reassuring to Sa-Mo.

Dong Soo had had this look years later, after Woon's death and when the king had taken away his position. He didn't understand, but everything in him betrayed his alcohol abuse, and he ended up crying, refusing to tell Sa-Mo what was wrong, or why he drank so much, and why he seemed unable to stop (because there is no one left to look him back). Jang-mi had hugged him, and she too was in tears, and both of them stayed close to him until he calmed down and the storm started again. Only then did Sa-Mo get angry in return.

- You're putting yourself in danger ! he had shouted, exhausted. You're unconscious ! You forget the teaching of Kwang-Taek, you forget your father and mother, you forget everyone, you forget your son ! You only think about yourself ! You have to get it together, Dong-Soo-yah, none of us can do anything for you until you solve your problems !

Let Woon go, he almost yelled out in a sharp impulse of understanding that sometimes reached parents when faced with their children's pain, but he restrained himself, because Dong Soo was already furious, and he didn't wanted to make things worse. Since Woon's death, everyone had seemed to desperately avoid the subject, Dong Soo first, but Sa-Mo sometimes felt an urge coming up at meals and meetings, like a ghost that had never left, and that the appearance of the gwishin had made more present, more real. Perhaps the silence also weighed on others, especially Dong Soo and Cho-Rip, who had experienced Woon's death at first hand. Sometimes, there were dead who never left, no matter whether you wanted them to or not.

Dong Soo arrived the next day, complexion pasty, with little Yoo-Jin. Since his dismissal from the palace and his exile, which had followed his argument with Sa-Mo, he had become thinner and older. At times, Sa-Mo would look for gray in his hair, just as there was gray in his own. You don't see your children getting older, and then they go away for a day, a month, a year, and suddenly time passes over them, he thought to himself as he greeted them after Jang-mi.

Ju-Won was circling around them, eager to find her playmate. She was becoming a strong and witty little girl, and enjoyed coming to work with her father at the butcher shop, where she wasn't afraid to cut up pieces of meat for the customers, as much as mending shirts with her mother or listening to her reading a story about princesses and magic. Yoo-Jin had grown up, and embellished. His mother was very beautiful (the advantage of old gisaengs). Sa-Mo opened his arms to his adopted son, felt him hug him back lazily. Sa-Mo knew that he was still drinking. Cho-Rip had also confided to them that he was going somewhere else, now, to a shadier place, to take something stronger.

- How are you, son ? Sa-Mo asked him, pressing his shoulder and inviting him in, preceded by Jang-mi, who was holding Ju-Won with one hand and Yoo-Jin with the other.

He knew Dong Soo would lie to him. He looked tired, drained, as if he wasn't sleeping. Do you think he's afraid ? Jang-mi once suggested him, as they were cooking together for a family meal, which had become rare as the children had moved away from home. No, Sa-Mo thought, looking at the one he had raised and almost didn't understand, no, I think he's just waiting.