[Perspective shift: Reese]

...inhale...

"Eve? Dear?"

I could feel the "Lord of Demise" tone creeping into my voice. Good. I want to be the Lord of Demise. I WANT to give Kostas dis pear. Kostas will have 0 say in having dis pear shoved up his nasal passages. I could feel the wind being disturbed besides me as Evelyn stiffened up.

"Y-yes sir?"

"...nevermind. We have bigger seas to wade."

I turn my attention to the offending faces. It truly does appear that the gang's all here folks...

A boy, peach colored skin, blonde hair done in a bowl cut, a smile on his face that could threaten any hate in the world. Eyes that hide a day of hell inside them. Dimitri, crown prince of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus. The husk of a man, walking.

A girl, skin pale as snow, hair just as white, cascading around her face. A pleasant expression, more of a polite, respectful smile than that of a friend you don't know yet. A child who has literally swam through hell in high water, had vile blood injected into her and told to slaughter her siblings if she wishes to live. The well-meaning, slaughtering puppet.

Another boy, skin brown, with black hair akin to how a victorian noble would think an afro is. The grin of a teen who, correctly, fancies themself a trickster. A child who has had to fight in wars, seeing men and women die and, quite possibly, worse around him. The fool who detests despair.

And here I stand, thinking I deserve to rule more than them? No, not rule. Simply guide those who desire my teachings. They will still keep their lands; I will simply make my own.

"...et's move. Hope you're ready."

Hm. I would imagine that "Let's move" includes us.

"Well, Eve, I guess that's our cue. We don't want the Bladebreaker to become a bonebreaker as well, eh?..."

"Y-you're kiddin' me! You think we... actually, your right. We h-"

"No using our... special items. We wanna keep our cards close to our chests. We're strong enough to do hit & run. Consider it training!~"

"...uuuuuuuuuuugh."

I can see her reaching for a dagger in her pockets. Me?

I am going to equip aaaaaaaall kinds of weapons. Welp, In the immortal words of technoblade...

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD.

"Well then, sir, I hope you wouldn't mind if we joined along? Safety in numbers and all, right? Gutting a man can't be that much different from gutting a rabbit or deer, no? Just... a bit more traumatic."

"Hmph. So long as it's a bandit you carve up, I don't think there'll be any troubles between us."

Alright, consent to join buffest fe dad in glorious combat has been acquired. Let's see how well I can Metal Gear these fools...

"Eve, I would certainly prefer if you stayed out of the fight, but if you find yourself at the bad end of a blade, make for forested areas. The cover will make it easier to fight."

I also took this advice, darting straight for the forested area that is juuust in front of the gang in the prologue. I managed to get about halfway through before getting accosted by a bandit.

"Anotha' nobul, eh? Don' worry, tha' fancee clokhe a' yours'll surely fetch me a pocket of bullions!"

I had roughly 1.85 seconds to think before I had to duck to dodge an axe with a blade the size of my head tried to dislodge it. He overswung, and was rightfully left recovering from it. A quick, precise stroke with a dagger, and now his throat had a nice meatflap in it. Apparently, this did not stop him from living, merely serving to enrage him as he tried to gut-punch me, but I side-stepped it and kicked him onto the ground, where scum like him belong. Hm, odd. I am not usually that calculating and calm in confrontation. Maybe this new life came with a selective Gamer's Mind? A thought for afterward.

"Hey there! I noticed you were back there with Jeralt! Are you with them?"

I was about to swipe the blade, but then I remembered the voice was that of one Claude von Riegan.

"No. I simply stumbled upon his company trying to find a place to stay."

...wow. Even with GM effecting me, I can tell I probably got the #2 reward for deadest voice.

"...ah. Well then, mind tagging together for a bit? You seem to know your way around a blade."

"Sorry if I sound a bit dead. Most of my brain power is being directed to not dying. And if I were you, I would do the same."

"Hah!- I, uh, can't tell if that was an attempt at humor or you being direct."

"Yes. Now, stand back. Another group of bandits are charging."

Hm. odd. A group of 5, but 2 of them have swords instead of axes. I don't remember this being a possibility. Oh well, just means I have a dagger AND a pike equipped now.

"Cover me, if you have the time and arrows."

With those parting words, I darted forward. In my left hand I was holding my pike at the middle of the shaft and forward, ready to (try to) block a blow or (more likely) deflect them. In my right hand, I held my knife in a backhand grip, arm bent forward, primed for an upward stroke. Hell, I might even be able to trick some of them into striking each other. Actually...

Sliding in between them, I engage in only the most brutal of psychological warfare...

"Your mother had 18 husbands, and you were the result of her night with a horse."

Yo mama burns.

I could see the screensaver bounce off of the edge of his brain as it sparked with understanding.

Afterwards, he roared in outrage, then swiped to make the queen of hearts proud.

Unfortunately, I was already vaulting over his pal, schlorping his head as a souvenir. Even more

unfortunate for him, Claude had started putting in work, skewering his head. A strike with a pike, and a wee little swing, and a corpse went flying towards the rest of bandits who decided to bumrush while I was (seemingly) occupied. All seemed to be going f-

"You'll d-"

Memories flooding in my head of the scene, a flick of the wrist and a wayward knife caused the path of Kostas' swing to go wide, just barely missing Byleth's head, shearing some hair instead of some skin. Then, I started to haul ass over towards him, to finish the job. Sadly, Edelgard

stole the kill. Well, I got plenty of experience from this endeavor. Never the m-

"YOU SHOULD BE BEYOND ECSTATIC THAT YOU CAN ONLY DIE ONCE! IF I COULD, I WOULD REVERSE TIME, IF ONLY SO YOU COULD SUFFER FURTHER!"

...oh dear. What happened to Evel- oh. That, uh, that is some meat.

"...Evelyn, dear, what happened?"

"This disgusting pig of a man tried to rape m-"

Schlick schluck schlack

That, ladies and gentlemen, was the sound of a pike being repeatedly shoved down the spine of a perforated human.

"Good riddance to a cancer on society."

Yeah, I totally don't have problems.

"Well, uh, that was... Certainly not TOO much. I, uh, guess you really like her, huh?"

Oh yes, Claude is a thing.

"She is my first friend. Like hell I will let the remains of someone who tried to rape her be undesecrated."

"Yeah, when you put it like that, I can totally understand why you did that."

Where at first he seemed a bit hesitant to accept what I did, but now he had a look of complete understanding.

"Wait, you said you were looking for a place to stay... Why not join us at Garreg Mach? I'm sure the Archbishop would be overjoyed to grant asylum to the heroes that saved her prize student, and the 2 runner-ups to that title."

"Wow. No honor for your rivals, eh? That's a mindset that'll serve you well. And to answer your question, I doubt I could afford i-"

"You seriously think the Archbishop would make you pay for asylum? I shudder to think of where you came from..."

"A place where even living has a price tag on it. Now, enough talk, we should regroup with your class-"

"There you are, Claude!"

"...mates."

(oh dear god i hope that i didn't fuck up the battle writing. Aside from that, i feel like i nailed that "medieval bandit who has muscles inside his skull" dialect down-pat. Also, you know that the uncivilized brutes would try to cop a feel on a seemingly defenseless woman who in fact has multiple knives hidden in her boots. Plus, first long chapter since... Yes, i do believe.)

(dice rolls of the chapter:

Amount of level ups they got: rolled a 13 for kroger-brand xemnas & 45 for Evelyn. both got 2 levels.)