Twenty-four: When Bitches Learn (a past)
As she walks down the hallway to Judge Nash's chambers, Elaine can't help but remember their pact from a few months earlier.
"Why didn't you tell me Garcetti offered you a golden parachute and that I was the parachute?", she had asked at that time, after she learned that the President had used Corinne's illness to offer the Supreme Court Justice to retire to private life and appoint Elaine in her place, before the woman made official her intention to run against him with her own resignation.
"I didn't want to get your hopes up. A seat on the Supreme Court, I thought you'd jump at it", Diane had justified herself. "Can't you see he's playing us against each other?", she had retorted. "Of course I can! But forget about the politics for a moment and think, what you could accomplish", she had encouraged her.
"Why aren't we talking about what I could accomplish as president?", the pupil had offered. "Oh, so it's true?", "I'm considering it, yes", Barrish had admitted. "You'll be a pariah… You remember your last campaign? They branded you as an ambitious bitch… if I hadn't know you… I would've believed them", she had pointed out to her. "Do you want a president who will force a justice like you off the bench?", she had replied sharply.
"These last two years have been good for you. Garcetti may be a bastard, but he let you do your thing; let the world see the heart of that brilliant 22-year-old girl who walked into my law class determined to make this country a better place. If you challenge the sitting President, voters will see your motives as selfish. I know, it's not fair, but ambition looks better on men", her mentor made her notice.
"I don't care how it looks. I'm doing it because it's right. I learned it from you.", "Then take my seat. This isn't Garcetti, Elaine. It's me. Your friend. I'm offering you the chance to spend the rest of your life telling Presidents what they can and can't do"
"Do you remember my first moot court competition?", she had asked then, "I was the only first-year you chose… I thought I was pretty hot shit… And then you proceeded to eviscerate my argument word by word! I had so much flop sweat... I… I thought I was going to float away!", she animately had made her remember.
"I was extra hard on you… I wanted you to learn to be rigorous and brave, and not to give up", the judge had explained. "It was a good lesson… I came back the next year, and we beat Harvard and Yale. Diane… I don't want to be on the Supreme Court. I want to run for President again", Elaine finally had declared.
"All right, counselor. Convince me that you're not doing this because this is still a competition to you and you didn't come in first", the elder had challenged her. "It's different this time. I can't turn away 'cause it's hard, I can't turn away because it'll piss people off. I do have deep convictions about what's right and what's true.… And, unfortunately, Paul Garcetti did not have you for a teacher, and he didn't learn to be rigous or brave or to stand up or his convictions. So I have to run again. And yes, I have to win. In two years, when I become president, I will name your replacement.", she finally had assured.
"Corinne Will be gone in two years… you better win, Elaine", her mentor had concluded with a sad, worried and doubtful face.
"Madam Secretary, I thought I taught you that we can't discuss a case of this caliber that's still ongoing", her friend admonishes her good-naturedly, before lifting her head from the papers in front of her. "I'm not here about Collier, Diane", she justifies herself without particular emphasis.
The Supreme Court judge looks at her for a moment from over the edge of her glasses, taken aback by the unusual tone of her pupil, then takes them off, rises wearily and joins her to greet her inside the large hall. She carefully watches Elaine move with uncertain steps to the sofa, where she encourages her to sit down and sits in front of her, waiting patiently for her to decide to speak.
She has no idea how to broach the subject and wonders why on earth she decided to address her. "You know Susan Berg?", she begins, as the mention of her name creates a sudden emptiness in her stomach.
The judge grimaces in disappointment, "Elaine, when you came to the funeral you told me you had developed some kind of healthy bond! What did she do? Did she threaten you with some gossipy news once again?"
Elaine hastens to deny it with a mute gesture of her head, smiling at that naive accusation, and before she knows, the words are out of her mouth in a rush, "I have feelings for her…", she freezes, surprised at herself, her lost eyes wandering aimlessly around the room, "Deep feelings", she specifies, and suddenly Diane watches her assume a more dignified posture.
She observes her for a long time, while the politician continues to avoid her gaze. Unconsciously she nods, still studying her, "I can see that...", she confirms without betraying any feeling, "Elaine...", she calls her demanding eye contact. "Why does this upset you so much?", the pupil snorts, incredulous at that question, "Where are your values about love? The ones you've always flaunted in defense of your son? Or of people like Corinne and me? The ones you fought for by our side all these years?", she insists.
"It's not the same thing, Diane!", she exclaims in her defense, "Why? Because now it's happening on your own skin?", the other shakes her head with the feeling of not being understood and rummages within herself for a way to explain herself. "But a woman? Why a woman?", she asks bewildered.
The elderly woman looks at her understandingly, "Maybe the right question would be 'why Susan Berg?' you know sometimes... love is just love", her mentor reasons. "Yeah but… why now? I mean… at my age? I've never had a clue!", she continues, increasingly shocked.
"Clues to what? Did you ever met another Susan Berg before?", the other challenges her, "Oh come on, Diane, you know what I mean!", the pupil retorts impatiently. The widow exhales a deep sigh and makes herself more comfortable in the chair.
"Did I ever tell you that Corinne was married when we met?", she asks in a calm tone. Elaine feels sorrow for her. "No, you never told me that", she confirms intrigued.
"Her husband was a banker, he was the grandson of Amedeo Giannini, the founder of the Bank of Italy in San Francisco", she says. "I had almost finished law school and was doing pro - bono work on small civil cases for a law company that also assisted those who couldn't afford a private attorney. She was in charge of taking in people who asked for support", she continues, aware that she has her interlocutor's attention. She smiles at the fond memory, trying to leave aside the pain of her recent loss.
"It wasn't love at first sight and we didn't go looking for it, it grew slowly, with respect, mutual support, the moments we began to share became more and more various and frequent, and without us realizing it at some point we found ourselves... in love...", her eyes moisten and she pushes back the tears with difficulty.
"It took a few years for both of us to finally be able to admit what had happened to us, and accept it, when I think of all the time we denied each other... the suffering we caused each other, trying to pretend that nothing had changed between the two of us…", she reasons, shaking her head with her gaze lost in emptiness.
That last thought breaks through to Elaine. She realizes the meaning of her teacher's words, thinks about TJ, how close she came to losing him twice, and everything suddenly makes sense. Life is too short. "Is it a mutual feeling?", Diane questions, turning back to look at her. She sees a smile full of warmth form on her face as she confirms with a monosyllable.
"Do you think or do you know?", she persists. Elaine finally looks her in the eye, "I do feel it", Barrish specifies.
Nash leans toward her again. "Are you willing to dump your entire career you for her?", she finally questions her. The politician snorts, slightly irritated.
"You're already assuming it will be leaked", he accuses her. "If you're going to honor the President's offer, it will get out, Elaine, and you'll be the one to break the news yourself, because you're an honest person. You've always been too honest for politics. And if you still want Paul Garcetti to rule for another four years, you're going to have to step aside on time."