DECEMBER 12 TUESDAY

Herbology class was very boring.

"The black hellebore is also known as the Christmas rose," said Brussel Sprouts boringly.

If that was going to be on any exam it wasn't going to give many points.

"So who can tell me a fact about the hellebore? Mr. Fletcher!"
Fletcher was jumping up and down with a hand in the air.

"Hellebores cure madness and ward off dark influences!"
"That is exactly right. 100 points to Hufflepuff."

McGonagall never gave more than 10 points for a correct answer. James nudged Sirius in the side.

"What did I tell you, Padfoot? This is where the points are!"
Sirius glanced in Remus's course book. There was a picture of a white hellebore. Brussel Sprouts had already gone on to talk about soil. Sirius put up his hand.

"...sandy soil. Yes Mr. Black?"

"Some hellebores are white!"
Fletcher chortled. Brussel Sprouts smirked. It was a fact, wasn't it? She'd better dish out those points!

"That is true. 3 points to Gryffindor. So, grass clippings is excellent compost- Mr. Fletcher?"

"Hellebores change colour according to the magic in them, for example, the black hellebore-"

"Another excellent and informative fact. 100 points to Hufflepuff. So, grass clippings. Don't just throw it away because they contain a lot of nutrients. Now last week Miss Toddy asked how to get rid of those bugs that keep eating her mum's pak choi. There is actually a very easy solution for this. Take a flamethrower- Mr. Potter?"

James was leaning past Sirius to get a look in Remus's course book. Some facts had been underlined.

"Wearing ties summons demons!"
"Does it now?"

"The demons wore naked running men as ties?"

"We really have to get a move on."

"How many points do I get?"

The fact check was over. James hoped his horn-rimmed Basil & Medusos weren't malfunctioning again.

"Fill your watering cans with the tears of baby girls everyone," said Brussel Sprouts. "It's the tap with the pink bow. I'll be right here if you have questions."
Sirius poured seeds from a match box into his hand and held them under Remus's nose.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked.

"Curing your madness."

Remus reached inside his jumper and pulled out a cursed rosary (a holy rosary with an upside down cross). The seeds in Sirius's hand exploded, and gave him small blisters.

"It's the root you want."

He tucked the cursed rosary back inside his jumber and began to fill a pot with soil, and so did James, and so did Sirius, and so did Peter. The usual procedure.

"Pot, soil, seed, water!" Sirius complained. "Why do we have to do this? This is why you have gardeners!"

"The more I hear about the ball the lamer it sounds," said James. "There's going to be a prize for best pirate costume now!"
"And Meaty is going to perform his new anti-war yule song for the first time ever. Big whoop! I bet it's rubbish."

"Like we need more of those! Everyone's singing Happy Xmas (War Is Over).Am I the only person who doesn't think it's that good?"

"I really don't like it either. I don't think anybody really does. They just feel like they have to like it because it's anti-war. I like John Lennon, but when a person gets THAT famous, nobody will just come out and say: Sorry John Lennon but your song is really shit. Your wife can't sing. Why don't you let her do what women do best and give her a tambourine? You just don't tell celebrities like it is."

"I'm just as anti-war as any sensible person who doesn't have a propaganda brain. But I just don't get what's good about it. Imagine is so much better."
"Happy Xmas (War Is Over) is not even an original melody. If you're going to rehash an old melody, rehash a good one! My favourite Beatle was always Ringo."

"No it wasn't!"

"It was! I loved Yellow Submarine when I first heard it."

"My favourite song was always Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds. But at the time I really believed it was about a girl called Lucy flying around on a broomstick wearing lots of diamonds, and not about drugs."

"My favourite Beagle song is Hey Hey We're the Monkees!" said Peter. "It's about drugs!"
"Moony do you have a favourite Beatles song?"

"Don't answer that," said Sirius. "I want to guess! I think I know this one! It's Mr Moonlight, isn't it?"

"No," said Remus.

"Here Comes the Sun?"

"No."

"Here Comes the Sun King?"

"I don't even know that one."

"Hmmm. Is it Hey Jude? Yesterday? I Am the Walrus? Michelle? Strawberry Fields? Your Mother Should Know? Ticket to Ride? You DO know Hang On Sloopy isn't The Beatles?"

"Is that the real title?"

Sirius kept listing songs and very soon he began to repeat himself.

"Hey Jude? Mean Mr Mustard. Did I say All My Loving? Obladi Oblada? Michelle? Oh I give up! Which is it?"

"Octopus's Garden."

Ohhh.

"But at the time I really believed it was about an octopus gardener, and not about drugs."

"It's like being told there is a Father Christmas isn't it?"

They put their hellebore seeds in their pots and gave them water.

Brussel Sprouts sat at her desk with her arms in a box. Not through an opening at the top, because there wasn't one, but through holes in the sides. She was growing something in the dark! She was growing something that didn't like the sun!

"I think I know what's in there!" said James. "It's a, what are they called, Devil Snare!"

"Devil Snare," said Remus.

"Some name, innit, the Devil Snare!"

"Devil Snare."

"Exactly. I wonder if it's a very misleading name, the Devil Snare?"

"Devil Snare."

"Yes. I bet the Devil Snare-"

"Devil Snare."

"The Devil Snare-"

"Devil Snare."

"Are you taking the piss?"

"You have to say it twice."

"Why?"

"Reasons."

"Even 'though it's probably just a daisy with delusions of grandeur?"

"There are many carnivorous plants that are known as the Devil Snare Devil Snare. Never heard of any of them being a daisy."

"Doesn't that make things very confusing?"

"It's why taxonomy was invented."

"A bit harsh, putting it on people's taxes."

"The true Devil Snare is a vine. Also it doesn't like the sun."

"What is Brussel Sprouts doing with a Devil Snare?" Sirius wondered.

"Devil Snare."

"Devil Snare.

"Devil Snare."

Sirius put his hands over Remus's mouth. "Devil Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare!"

Further down the table, his fingers prodding in many pots, Fletcher said: "Devil Snare."

Sirius removed his hands.

"Sometime I'm going to say it only once, when you're not around."

"What a shame you want to bring doom and misfortune upon yourself," said Remus.

"You used to say that about sharing mugs."

With his arms full of pots, Fletcher went to Sprout with two questions. The first was hellebore related. The second had to do with her mysterious activity.

"What is that, Professor Sprout? It's not some sort of Devil Snare Devil Snare?"

"Right you are!"

"What's it for?"

"It's to keep the uninvited out of the Christmas Ball."

James and Sirius simply couldn't believe the fatal lengths the teachers would go to keep students out of the ball! They had expected guarding mechanisms, but not deadly ones!

And they knew there was going to be more than a Devil Snare Devil Snare.