Well, I am still without a full plan and somehow this is coming together nicely. I hope you're all having a nice week. I'm coming up to a lot of working and some extra stress on Tuesday, but hopefully by Wednesday my brain can relax and I can focus on writing properly again.

"You…you want a biokid?"

"I should probably go," Jane said, slipping out of the front door before Maura could even respond.

She stared back at Maya, whose eyes were wide and her mouth agape. A heaviness settled on her chest, pushing her down. Maura lifted her hand, holding it out towards Maya but there was little she could say, or do, that would change the shock of the situation.

Maya's eyes filled with tears. "You want to replace me with a biokid."

"No." Maura rushed forward, her cheeks warm with fresh tears. "Never. You weren't supposed to find out this way."

"But you want a baby."

"I…yes."

"You want a baby that's biologically related to you."

She held her arms out. "Yes, but…"

"Don't," Maya whispered, her hands forming a barrier between them. Her cheeks reddened, coated with tears, her chest rising and falling quickly. "I don't want you."

"But Maya," Maura began, letting the words disappear between them. She closed her eyes, listening to the sound of Maya's laboured breath and occasional sniffles. Rubbing her eyes, she tried to find a moment of calm, of composure, but her whole world was like an out of control rollercoaster hurtling downwards, and she didn't know where to find the brake. Clearing her throat, she forced confidence into her tone. "It's not like that. I don't want to replace you. You're my daughter and I love you."

"It's not enough though is it?" she asked, the crease in her brow deepening.

Maura didn't know how to explain. She couldn't find the right words. "You are enough, you've always been enough."

"If I was enough then why would you want a baby?"

"I…because…" Her sentence lingered in the air, unfinished, lost in time.

The sadness in Maya's eyes shifted, the crease deepened further. Her whole face contorted; her teeth bared. When she opened her mouth, her words were short, sharp, merging with tears the louder her voice became. "You can't answer. You don't have an answer. I'm not enough. If I was, you wouldn't want a baby. You wouldn't need a biokid. I'm not enough for you."

Pressing her lips tightly together, Maura covered her mouth. Her hands shook against her cheeks. "You are. I love you."

Maya closed her eyes. Tears forming rivers across her skin. No more words were said, but the absence of them spoke volumes. In the moments after Maya fled the room, Maura stood rooted to the spot, her whole body shaking. The valley had turned into a crack so wide she didn't think there would ever be a way of bridging the gap.

X

A strong cup of coffee did little to pull Maura out of her own mind. She rested her forehead against the dining table, her eyes closed as the need for sleep threatened to consume her again. The number of times she'd been up in the night surpassed the number of fingers on both hands.

"Hello Suzie?" Maura held her cell against her ear, the world in front of her appeared and disappeared in quick succession. She stifled a yawn. "I'm not going to make it to the office. Could you call Pike for me and request he step in if there's anything that can't wait until tomorrow?"

"Maura?"

She sat upright, forcing her eyes open wide enough to finish her conversation. "I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well, I've got something going on at home. I'll call you later. Goodbye Suzie and thank you."

Crawling back under the bedsheets, Maura struggled to keep her eyes open. She succumbed to the moment, allowing her mind to drift off as her body slipped into sleep.

A couple of hours later, her cell buzzed against the bedside table. Maura reached for it, holding it close to her face as she scanned the brief message.

'Hey Maura, wanted to check in after yesterday, you and Maya ok?'

She opened a new reply, stared at the blank screen waiting for the words to come. Another wave of exhaustion pulled her under, and her cell dropped onto the bed beside her.

X

Delilah stared at Jane, her head tilted, and her eyes soft. The first few minutes had been relative silence, excepting a brief greeting at the start. Jane knew that she was waiting for her to speak, to begin, to share something that could set the ball rolling. There was so much she wanted to say, and little she wanted to share. She glanced at the clock on the wall, silently praying that it would somehow speed up to relinquish the hour.

"Are we gonna sit in silence the whole time?"

"That depends," Delilah said. "This session is about you, Jane. I can ask questions, I can encourage you to open up, but if you're not willing to do the work then I'm not sure this is the right time for you."

"I can open up," she said, pushing her fingers between her thighs and tapping her left foot on the carpet. The problem was, opening up was verging on dangerous. Once she started, she didn't know where to draw the line, and if she took too many steps in one direction, she anticipated it would be harder to return to the safety of her walls. "Maybe you should ask questions."

"Has anything happened in the last week that has caused you any distress?"

Jane scoffed. "If you count me asking Maura out and her rejecting me, then I guess you could say it caused me some…distress."

Delilah's eyes widened. "You asked Maura out? Wow. That's some progress right there."

"Not really."

"You don't give yourself enough credit. Last week you shut down the very possibility of starting something with Maura."

"But she rejected me."

"In some ways that's neither here nor there. You took a step, you leaped into the abyss, you took a risk. It might not have paid off the way you were expecting but you did it."

Scratching the back of her neck, Jane shrugged. "I guess."

"Maura's your safe topic, I understand that," Delilah said. "Is there anything else happening at the moment that you don't feel as comfortable talking about?"

"You really like me to feel uncomfortable, don't you?" Jane rolled her eyes. She shuffled herself about in the chair and lowered her gaze. "Someone broke into my apartment. The cops don't think it was anything to be worried about and Maura changed the locks, but I can't help shaking the fact that something isn't right."

"Something?"

"Everything." She stared at Delilah. "Everything in my life is a mess. The only thing that's going okay right now is Teagan."

"Teagan?" Delilah's eyebrows tugged together. "Who is Teagan?"

"My daughter."

"How old is she?"

"She's almost four months old."

"That's very new," Delilah said, leaning forward. "You said that everything is good with her, so I take it you haven't had any specific issues postpartum?"

"No. Nothing like that." Jane stood up and walked around the room, browsing the certificates on the wall. She stopped in front of a painting of a tree and turned. "Is that supposed to make people feel calm? Wait, am I allowed to stand up?"

Delilah chuckled. "You can stand up if you like, Jane, there are no specific rules. Thank you, it was painted by a friend of mine. What happened to Teagan's other parent?"

"Other parent?"

"You've told me that you have an interest in both men and women, I don't want to assume…"

"She doesn't have another parent." Delilah nodded. "What? She doesn't. Not all kids have two parents."

"Physically, emotionally, yes. Biologically…"

Jane closed her eyes. She sighed and held her hand out at her side. "Doesn't make them a parent though, does it? What do you want me to say? Some guy provided the sperm. He's never met her. He's not her father, he's not her Pop, he's a nobody and that's where he's gonna stay."

"I'm sorry, you're right. Biology does not equate to parenting. You seem very adamant about this man having no role in her life."

"Well, yeah, he's never gonna meet Teagan. She doesn't need to know who he is; she doesn't need to know anything about him. I don't need him to be a parent. She doesn't need someone like that in her life. We're better off without him and it's as simple as that."

"Is it?"

She gripped the back of the chair. "Yeah. I don't wanna talk about him. I don't wanna think about him. He's not important. He's not worth talking about, or thinking about…"

"And yet you've spent nearly a minute trying to tell me that he's not important," Delilah said, cutting her off. "If he's not worth talking about, why have you spent so long talking about him?"

"No." Jane folded her arms and ground her teeth. "You're not gonna make me tell you anything more about him. I refuse."

"You refuse…"

"Yes. I refuse. Talk about someone else."

"Like who?"

"I dunno. Anyone."

"I have one more question that may or may not relate to the person who helped you to conceive a child." Jane shrugged, waiting, staring into Delilah's eyes as she took a moment to speak. "Is the man you were in love with the same person who is biologically related to your daughter?"

"What sort of a question is that?"

"You talk about Teagan's biological father as though he is someone you care little about."

"Yeah."

"It makes me wonder if the last person you loved was somebody else."

Jane didn't take kindly to the line of questioning. She shifted in her seat, her eyes darted back and forth between Delilah and the floor. "They're not the same person."

"Who is the man you were in love with?"

"My husband. Ex-husband. We were married."

"What happened that caused him to no longer be your husband?"

"I slept with someone else." The words lingered between them for a moment, testing the waters as she gave up something she'd held so close. "Now I have a kid. I don't wanna talk about this anymore."

X

A box popped up in the corner of Maura's laptop screen. She clicked to open it, to scan through several photographs of a man's body, of blood splatter, an unusual weapon, and a fatal wound. In one hand, she turned her cell onto speakerphone, in the other, she flicked through the photos one by one.

"I've got them Suzie, thank you." She mumbled softly as each photograph disappeared from the screen, replaced by the next. "Tell me more about the crime scene."

Finishing up the call, Maura rolled her eyes. She had three missed calls from residents. It didn't take someone with a higher IQ to know they were concerned about security, just like the other two calls she'd had the day before. The apps continued to highlight the missed call from Jane and four unanswered texts. She scrolled through another message from Albert.

"Maya!" Maura said, sitting upright as she entered the dining room. She placed her cell on the dining table and pushed her plate across the wooden top. "Want some toast? It's been sitting out for maybe fifteen minutes. Or I can make you eggs, pancakes, whatever you'd like. We've not had Pancake Saturday for months."

She took the remaining half of her cold toast and nibbled the corner, mumbling her thanks. "This doesn't mean I forgive you."

"I didn't think it did." Maura shut down her emails and closed the laptop lid. "I didn't mean for you to find out the way you did."

Maya shrugged. "You've said."

"I didn't think you were listening." Maya shrugged again. "Have, have you made a decision about moving to Canada?" Maura cupped her hands around her mug, sipped, then spat the coffee back out. She carried it into the kitchen area, emptying the contents before refilling it with fresh coffee from the machine. "If you want to go, I can speak to the department, find out if it's possible."

The last thing Maura wanted was to give up on Maya, but she also didn't want to hold on so tight

that she lost her accidentally.

The crease between Maya's eyebrows deepened. "You wanna get rid of me?"

"No! Of course I don't," Maura said, taking a seat beside Maya she placing her hand on top of hers. She stayed still. "I want you to know that you have the right to make whatever decision you wish. I love you, and I will be your mother for as long as you want me to be. We always knew this day might come. You're sixteen in a few months. I believe you're old enough to decide if you want to go back into your mother's custody, if she's ready for that to happen and the department are confident that it's safe for you."

"I haven't decided yet." Maya's face cracked a smile, warming Maura's heart in an instant. "What about the party?"

"What party?"

"Sarah's party, it's tonight."

Maura lowered her hand to her side. "Is that what this conversation has been about? You just wanted me to say yes to the party?"

"No…" Maya rolled her eyes. "Maybe."

"That's not fair, Maya," Maura said, heaving a sigh. "I thought you wanted to clear the air, I thought you wanted us to move past this."

"I do."

"Then why did you use it to ask me if you can go to a party I've already said no to?" Maya took a bite out of the toast. She stared at Maura, her eyes wide and hopeful. She shrugged. "I haven't changed my mind. The party is not happening."

"You're so unfair!"

"Yes, well, unfortunately that's called being a parent." She lifted the lid on her laptop and allowed it to load up again. "I have some work to do, we'll talk more later when you've had a chance to calm down."

X

Maura stood in front of Maya's bedroom door; her fist raised. After another evening hiding away in her bedroom, she was relieved not to have heard a peep from her daughter, only to become worried some thirty minutes later. She lowered her hand. Maya was fine, she was just being a typical teenager, that's all. But Maura couldn't help question everything that had happened. Lifting her hand, she wrapped her knuckles across the wood and waited.

Silence.

Leaning forward, Maura pressed her ear against the door.

There was nothing.

She knocked again, pushed down on the handle, waited a moment before she opened the door to find the room in darkness and the bed still made.

For a moment, panic rose through her until she remembered the party.

"Maya," she said, forcing calm into her voice as she held her cell to her ear. "It's almost ten, you're not home. I'm not angry, just, just call me when you pick up your messages."

X

Sometime after midnight, Jane was pulled from her sleep. She stared around the darkened room, trying to focus her sight. She glanced over at the crib in the corner, listening for any sound that Teagan was awake. Instead, she could hear the soft sound of her breathing. Climbing out of bed, Jane crept across the room and laid her hand on Teagan's stomach. She cherished the warmth of her daughter's sleeping body.

A loud bang captured her attention. She lifted her head, nipped back to the drawer beside her bed where she removed her gun from the small locked box she kept it in, and inched through the apartment.

Her heart leapt into her throat as another bang infiltrated her safety. It continued for a few seconds until Jane sighed, glanced at the security monitor by the door and opened it. She rolled her eyes. "Maya, it's the middle of the night, what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered, tears coating her words. "I…I…I'm sorry."

She flicked the light switch beside the door. Maya stepped into the room and Jane secured the door behind her. Holding the gun in front of her, she ambled back across the room. "Give me a minute."

When she returned, Maya sat on the couch, her face red and stained with tears. Jane filled two glasses with water and took a seat beside her. She opened her mouth to speak but before she could ask what was going on, Maya wrapped her arms so tight around her middle that Jane had to work harder to breathe.

"I take it you've been drinking alcohol," Jane said, untangling her arms. Maya covered her mouth. "Does Maura know you've been out drinking?"

She shook her head.

"Does she think you're at home?"

"Yes."

Closing her eyes, Jane took a moment to consider Maya's words. She'd been a teenager, once upon a time. She remembered sneaking out to meet Bobby Forester one night after dinner and her father flipped his lip. The mistakes she made were long ago forgotten by all parties involved. "I need to know what's happened otherwise I'll have to call Maura, and the fact you're sitting on my couch at twelve thirty at night suggests you don't want me to do that."

"I fucked up."

"You…what? Are you even allowed to say words like that?"

Maya closed her eyes forcing tears to slide across her skin. "I didn't, I wanted…but I…I don't know how to…"

Reaching out to Maya, she slid back into Jane's arms, and Jane held her close. She listened to the shake of her breath, could feel the tears on her sleeve. "Where have you been?"

"A party."

"Explains the alcohol," Jane said, holding her at arm's length. "If someone has done something to you."

"No. Not like…not like that…I, I wanted to."

"You wanted to…wanted to what?"

"Have sex."

"You, y, you…y, you…had…sex." Jane tucked her hand around Maya's wrist. "Fucking hell. I am not ready to parent a teenager."

"I can go," she said, averting her gaze. She sprang to her feet. "I didn't know what else to do."

"Sorry, Maya." Tugging at her arm, Jane pulled her back onto the couch. "Sit. You're not going anywhere until you've talked to me about whatever it is you came here to talk to me about. Who was it? What happened? Why are you so upset?"

She closed her eyes and sat back against the couch. "I let her down. She doesn't deserve this; I didn't mean to hurt her. I thought I wanted it, I thought I was ready, but I didn't feel the way I thought I was gonna feel. I didn't know that I didn't want that."

"Sweetie, you're talking in riddles."

"My friend Emily likes me, she's liked me for months. We're not like super close but she's cool, you know?" She rubbed her palm over her eyes. "I thought that I liked her back…"

The cogs turned; the dots connected. Despite having had sexual relationships with both men and women, Jane admonished herself for making such a wild assumption that the person Maya would have had sex with was of the opposite sex.

"I didn't expect it to go that far. We'd had some punch. Sarah said it didn't have any alcohol in, but it did, I know it did. My head's all fuzzy and I couldn't think straight and then she was kissing me, and I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to be with her and the next thing we were doing stuff."

"Doing stuff as in…"

"Sex stuff."

Jane cleared her throat. She glanced at the clock on the wall. "So, you had sex with your girlfriend Emily. Are you…gay?"

"No." She shook her head rapidly. "I, I thought I might be but it's so confusing. I don't know how to know, I don't know what it means, any of it."

Fresh tears spilled over, tumbled across skin. Jane brushed Maya's hair back behind her ear, thumbing the tears aside. "Have you had sex before or…?"

"No. First time."

"Oh."

"It's bad, isn't it? I fucked up."

"No, no, sweetie, you didn't."

"But it wasn't right." Her shoulders shook. Jane snaked an arm around her, and she settled against her shoulder. "It didn't feel right."

"That can happen sometimes, when it's your first time it's…weird."

"It's not that. I don't think. I don't think I'm into girls, not like that."

"Oh, right."

"Afterwards…she stayed in the room while I got us some drinks. I needed some air. I had some more punch and all I could think about was Em, and how it all felt, and how it wasn't what I wanted anymore. I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to go back there."

Across the room, Jane's cell beeped a couple of times. She lifted her head, considered going over to check the message that had come through. But Maya's eyes were red, and she clung to her. "Did you leave? Is that why you're so upset?"

"No, I, I…there's this boy, Todd. I think I like him. It's so confusing."

"It is really confusing when you're full of hormones."

"We got to talking and he kissed me. I kissed him back and it was different, you know? It felt different."

"Different from kissing Emily?"

"Yeah. Like if he'd asked me to have sex, I would have left the party feeling amazing."

A chill overwhelmed her; her mind flooded with the possibilities. Jane let go of Maya's arm and sat back, catching her eye. "Oh. Wait, did you?"

"No!" She sat upright, shaking her head so fast her hair flew out at both sides. "But Emily got sick of waiting for me and she came to find me…and I was kissing Todd."

"Oh, Maya."

She didn't want to sound judgement, but the words tumbled out before Jane could control herself. She regretted it in an instant.

"She hates me. I know she does. I've ruined it, I've ruined everything. Now she won't talk to me, and she, she, she shouted so loud the whole party knows we had sex. Todd looked at me so weird, like I had six eyes or something. I don't know what to do."

Jane didn't know what to do either. She was the mother of an infant, not a teenager. She had little experience of being around teenagers and no matter how much she liked to think she was good with children of all ages; Maya's very adult situation had left her feeling inept. "Maya, why did you come here? Why didn't you go home and talk to your mom?"

She looked away. Her cheeks reddened and her eyes filled with tears once more. "We've been fighting all week. She wouldn't let me go to the party, and then the baby thing. She's my mom, but she's not my mom. I'm not hers, not officially, why should she keep me around if she can have a baby of her own? I was so little when I came to live with her, I thought that was it. But then I joined a foster kid support group, and everyone's got such different lives. Some of them got adopted and it's the best thing they did, others were sent back to group homes because they didn't do their chores. I thought I was safe here, I thought I was enough for her."

Jane sighed. "Do you really think you're not enough for her? She loves you. She would move heaven and earth to give you everything you need, to show you how much she loves you."

"But what if she wants to send me back? What if she doesn't want me to be her kid anymore? I kept being horrible even though she explained everything. She was so upset, and I made it worse, I wouldn't stop. I couldn't help it, I tried not to be, but I don't wanna lose her."

"I know I haven't known you or your mom for long, but I do know this, you couldn't lose her because when you're someone's parent you don't give up on your kid. Not for nothing. Maura might not be the person who gave birth to you, but you are as much her daughter as Teagan is mine. But you need to be honest with her, you need to tell her what you've told me and not get angry at her. You need to meet her in the middle before it tears you apart for good." Jane untangled herself from Maya's side and stood up. She found her assertive voice. "Maya, you need to go home."

"No!" she shouted, jumping to her feet. "Not yet. Please. Please don't make me. Not tonight. Can't I stay here?"

"Okay. One night. But I'm going to message Maura and tell her you're here. I don't want her banging on my door in a few hours because she's realised you're missing."