I am very grateful to Mariagoner and hyrushoten (on AO3) for beta-reading this chapter, correcting some of my mistakes, and giving me ideas and suggestions which shaped my writing of the final draft. Thank you very much, both of you.

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Later that afternoon, when they sat down to take tea together, the space between them throbbed with tension and unanswered questions. After she'd taken a few mouthfuls of tea and started munching on a small pile of macarons, Katarina said, in between bites, "You have some questions for me, I know. Ask me whatever you like – I will answer as best as I can."

There were many questions clamouring for attention at the back of Maria's mind, so she had to prioritize. "Why do you want to leave?" she blurted out. "You are the daughter of wealthy parents who – even if they didn't pay as much attention to your youthful exploits as they should have – have provided you with an abundance of luxuries and arranged for you to be married to a prince. Among your peers, you are extremely popular, admired and respected by seemingly everyone. You have a life of wealth, privilege and power beyond the dreams of most women. If you flee to another country, you won't be able to take any of that with you, as I'm sure you realise."

"Of course I do," said her patroness, a note of irritation in her voice.

"Then why? I've always thought of you as a very brave person. I've seen you face your problems head-on, proudly and defiantly, letting no one intimidate you. I admire you for that," said Maria. "Confident, passionate and strong: the kind of woman I would dearly like to become. I can't imagine you running away from anything."

"What other choice do I have? Jeord doesn't want me, not as a wife. He was content to string me along while I amused him – and gave him pleasure – but as soon as he finds a woman he likes better, I will be discarded." Katarina gazed at her young handmaiden for a moment, as though appreciating her beauty. Maria couldn't help but flush at this attention. "I assumed that it would be you."

"You were wrong about that. Is there a chance that you were wrong about… other things?" Maria's voice faltered slightly. She hardly dared to contradict her formidable friend. "Perhaps you don't need to leave after all."

"When Jeord breaks off our engagement," said Katarina, speaking of it as if it were a certainty, "I will be ruined. The primary purpose of a noblewoman is to form a strong marriage alliance, but if I can't do that, what use am I? I will be an embarrassment to my family, an object of scorn and derision, and many who once eagerly courted my approval will instead snigger about me behind my back. 'Damaged goods' is what they will call me. Most likely, I will be married off to some elderly lord who needs to sire a new heir. My life might as well already be over."

Maria took a sip of her own tea while she considered what to say. "I'm surprised that you would give up so easily," she began. "Surely there must be–"

"I am not giving up. I am leaving. There is a difference."

Realising that her friend would not be persuaded, Maria subsided. "Perhaps we should join a convent together," she said whimsically.

"Yes, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Get thee to a nunnery, you saucy wench!" cried Katarina with a crooked smile, as if she were acting out the words from a play. "But no, I don't think it's for me. I have never been very religious. Too many rules." She sighed forlornly. "All my life, I have followed the rules set down for me by other people: I tried to be a good and dutiful daughter, committed to using my beauty, intelligence, and charm to secure the best possible advantage for my family, and eagerly accepted training so that I could be the perfect wife for Jeord. I did everything they told me to do, but – but – but –" Her voice stuttered. She paled and seemed unable to go on.

Gazing at her in alarm, Maria asked, "What's the matter? Are you all right?"

"Everything I did to attract him only pushed him further away," said Katarina with a growl. It didn't seem that she had noticed her friend's concern. "I did everything right – everything they taught me – so why should I be dishonoured, humiliated, and cast aside in favour of somebody else? Why should I have to live with the shame of that? Or, worse than that, why should I have to die–?"

Her voice had risen to a shout, which made Maria wince and look around, wondering how thick the walls of her patroness's apartment were and if there was any chance that their conversation might be overheard. However, as soon as she said 'die', Katarina remembered herself and fell silent.

"This isn't the first time you have hinted that Prince Jeord has threatened to kill you," said Maria with narrowed eyes. "How can he expect to get away with that? Isn't there anything we can do to stop him?"

"I don't think he meant to," said Katarina evasively. "Nevertheless, it is yet another reason why I need to leave by the end of the year. Honestly, I will be glad to go. I've had enough. I don't want to be a 'good girl' anymore."

"How can you be so blasé about what he did to you? What would your parents say? Would they still be willing to marry you to a man who has already treated you so abominably?"

"I am sure they would. As much as I am their treasured and pampered daughter, I am a tool for them to use. They care less about me than what I can do for them. My marriage into the royal house means power, status, and influence for them. If I told them that Jeord had treated me badly, they would convince themselves that it was a mistake, or a misunderstanding, or that he was so overcome with remorse that he would never do anything like that again. After all, if they were forced to break off my engagement to him, I would cease to be a useful tool; instead, I would be a problem for them." A grim smile spread across Katarina's features. "What does one do with a tool which cannot accomplish its function?"

Maria was shocked into silence by the horror of her friend's words.

"I am well aware of the transactional nature of most of my relationships," said Katarina. "Miss Shelley is my faithful servant because I pay her well. If I stopped paying her, I have no doubt that she would soon be out of the door and looking for another job. That is as it should be."

She took a deep breath, looked longingly at the plateful of uneaten macarons, and continued, "My parents lavish me with luxuries because they know that I will do my duty in securing a valuable marriage alliance for them. Similarly, when I met you, I decided to take you under my patronage, to teach you everything you would need to know to be a worthy wife for Jeord, so that you could become a well-respected queen with such absolute mastery over the royal court that no one would dare to mention that you had once been a commoner. In exchange, I hoped that you would distract him from me, giving me time to escape these chains which wrap around me so unendurably, allowing me to be free."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise," said Maria, cringing with embarrassment. "Perhaps you should have explained what you wanted from me to begin with, instead of letting me guess."

Katarina didn't appear to be listening. "With Jeord, I thought…" Her shoulders began to shake. There was an anguished expression on her face. "If I gave him all of my love, if I staked my claim on him, if I fought fiercely against all those who would challenge me for his affections, I thought that he would love me in return. If I gave him my maidenhead–"

Realising that she'd said too much, she shuddered to a stop. Then, after she'd taken a moment to compose herself, she said, "I thought that he would have to give me something of equal value in exchange. What a foolish girl I was!" She threw back her head and laughed mirthlessly. "So, Maria, I know that you blame Jeord for what happened to me, but it was my own fault. I wrought my disgrace with my own hands, by my own choices, and made it well. I am the architect of my own destruction. If you need to blame anyone, blame me!"

"You were in love. I know what that's like," Maria said softly. "I can't blame you for that."

"No? Do you know what I would have done to you if I'd thought that you were trying to steal Jeord from me? I would have torn you apart! Before long, there wouldn't have been a single person across the entire kingdom who hadn't heard rumours of the sluttish young light mage who'd seduced a prince. There would have been no refuge, no respite, and no sympathy for you anywhere. You would have gone down in history as a scheming villainess who used her powers to beguile a member of the royal family." Katarina leaned across the table, smirking in predatory triumph. "Do you understand how horrible I could have been to you? What do you think of me now?"

"If you had done any of those things… I am sure that I would have hated you. But you didn't. Instead, you gave a lonely young woman true friendship, defended her from those who were tormenting her, and treated her as if she was worthy of respect and affection for the first time in her life."

Maria felt a fiery blush ravaging her face. She carried on regardless: "I am aware of your tremendous capacity for both cruelty and generosity, Katarina. It doesn't make you a bad person: it makes you human. I cannot judge you for what you might have done, only the reality of your actions. For that, I…" She swallowed, feeling her courage falter, which was ridiculous: she had already confessed her true feelings, so why was it so hard to say, 'I love you,' after she'd already said it more than once?

"You are such a good friend to me, Maria. I am sure you will make a wonderful wife for a very lucky man, someday," Katarina said wistfully.

Maria shot her an exasperated glance.

"Anyway…" After a moment's nervous hesitation, the young noblewoman said, "There was a time when I would have rejoiced in seeing everyone else destroyed along with me. If my actions had caused Sorcier to be devastated by a bloody civil war, I would have laughed and danced among the ruins. But… I don't feel like that anymore. I would like to believe that I have become a better person than I once was. For that reason, I am going to leave quietly, without making a fuss or hurting anyone. It's for the best, I think. Before long, everyone will have forgotten all about me."

"What about the people who love you? They will miss you, grieve for you, and blame themselves for making you want to run away. You understand that, don't you? Despite your good intentions, you will be hurting them terribly."

"No matter what I do, I end up hurting people," said Katarina. "Still, by leaving, I will only be hurting one or two. Fewer than if I choose to stay. And… at least I will have a chance of happiness, which is what I really want."

With a sigh, Maria realised that she wasn't having any success in convincing the woman she loved to stay with her. She decided to try a different approach. "If you flee to a foreign country where no one knows who you are, how will you live? I'm sure you will take with you as much money as you can carry, but what will you do when it runs out? How will you support yourself?"

"I suppose I will become a thief. I could be a fantastic thief."

"A dangerous line of work," said Maria, uneasily. She wasn't sure if her friend was joking with her or not. "You will have to find somewhere to sell your ill-gotten gains, which would mean mingling with criminals. Violent, hard-bitten men. What if they decide to rob you, or rape you, or kidnap you for ransom?"

"If they didn't know who I was – which I wouldn't tell them – how would they know that I might be worth a ransom?" asked Katarina, in the tone of a gambler laying down an ace.

"You are healthy, well-fed, and I don't doubt that you'd be wearing clothes of decent quality. Just by looking at you, they'd be able to tell that you're a noblewoman – or, at the very least, a rich merchant's daughter, someone who could afford to pay. There are plenty of desperate men out there who'd be willing to take a chance on the mere possibility of getting a good ransom for you."

"How do you know so much about the criminal underworld, Maria? Have you been holding out on me? Does my sweet, innocent light mage have a secret double life? Are you, in fact, a daring master thief?"

"No. I know only what I've been told."

"How disappointing!" Slumping in her chair, Katarina sighed theatrically. To compensate herself for being let down in this manner, she chewed on another macaron and washed it down with some more tea. "Still, you needn't worry about me. I am not defenceless. I can take care of myself."

"I don't doubt that you can," said Maria, remembering that the redoubtable Katarina Claes was being given regular swordsmanship lessons by her brother, Keith, one of the finest duellists in the kingdom. "But no one is undefeatable. Anyone can be overwhelmed by sheer weight of numbers if nothing else. Or they can be drugged, taken by surprise or while they're asleep. You will need someone to watch your back: someone you can trust."

"I might be able to persuade Keith to go with me," said Katarina with a mischievous smirk, watching to see how Maria reacted to that suggestion.

"I… I would go with you, if you wanted me to," she said tremulously.

"I couldn't do that to you," said her patroness. "What about your parents and all your friends back in your home village? What about–" She stopped suddenly and Maria knew that she had been about to say something about Jeord. "Uh… I mean, what about your education? What about your glittering future career as one of the only light mages in the entire Ministry of Magic?"

Hesitantly, Maria explained, "It is unusual for a commoner to be born with magic. For one to be born with a talent as rare and special as mine is almost unheard of. Although… I didn't realise I had light magic until I was five years old. When one of my playmates fell and injured her leg, I realised that I had the power to heal her. I did so. It caused a scandal."

Even though Katarina continued to stuff herself with more tea and macarons, Maria could tell that she was listening intently. Feeling reassured, she carried on with her story:

"Everyone assumed that my mother had been unfaithful to my father, that I must be the illegitimate daughter of a nobleman and that I'd inherited my powers from him. After that, I was treated as something shameful. The other villagers look at me with mingled pity and contempt; even the younger ones, who listen to their parents. My father turned to drink and abandoned us a few years later. All I have is my mother. She is… distant and very woebegone, but I love her dearly. I wouldn't want to leave Sorcier without setting her up somewhere else: in another village, perhaps, where she can have a better life." She paused, gazing into the bright blue eyes of the woman she loved. "Other than her, when you go, there will be nothing left to keep me here.

"I am… sorry for what happened to you. I never realised," said Katarina. She shuddered, looking unaccountably guilty. "I had always assumed that you were beloved by everyone in your home village. How wrong I was."

"Well, now you know," said Maria. "You are the first person who has accepted me for who I am, for what I am, and treated me well in spite of every reason you had to do otherwise. I thought…" She trembled, feeling a lump in her throat, trying to keep herself from bursting into tears again. After a few deep breaths, she felt calm enough to say, "I thought you were in love with me."

"Oh, Maria…" Her friend shook her head pityingly. "What a mess I've made! I didn't realise…"

"If you go, take me with you," Maria begged her. "I want to be yours."

"I can't say that I'm not tempted," her friend admitted, reaching across the table and taking her hand. "In many ways, your presence would make the journey smoother and less stressful, to say nothing of how… pleasurable it could be, with just the two of us." Watching her shiver with excitement, she gave a throaty chuckle. "How adorable you are! I must admit, if things had been different between us…" Her voice trailed off into silence. Whatever she had been about to admit went unrevealed.

"Don't toy with my emotions! If you don't want me… I accept that. I will find a way to live with it. But don't tease me!" Maria cried fiercely. "I am not a plaything, not for you or anyone. You know how I feel about you, but…"

"I'm sorry–"

"If you were sorry, you wouldn't keep doing it!"

With a heavy sigh, Katarina said, "You're right. I have not been fair to you. Can we start again? Is it possible that we can be friends, in spite of what has come between us?"

"No matter what happens, I will always be your friend, Katarina," said Maria. She took a sip of her tea, finding that it had gone unpleasantly cold. "Even if I had hoped for something more, I will never stop being grateful for what you have done for me."

Overcome with emotion, her eyes swimming with unshed tears, the distinguished young noblewoman was unable to say anything other than: "Maria…"

It took some time for them both to recover. Afterwards, Maria got up, piled their dirty crockery onto a tray, including her unfinished cup of tea and the now-empty plate which used to have macarons piled up on it, and carried it into the kitchen. She wondered if she should stay to do the washing up, but decided to leave it for Miss Shelley instead. Since the recent conversation had roused such bittersweet feelings within her, she was eager to get away as soon as possible.

Katarina was waiting for her by the front door. "Let me hug you," she said, spreading her arms wide. "As friends, if nothing else."

Tentatively, Maria stepped closer to her, wrapped her arms around her, and melted into her embrace. She wished… but she knew that it couldn't happen. Their wounds were too raw. They both needed time to heal, time to themselves, and time to think about what might have been. "Goodnight, Katarina," she said thickly. "I'll see you in lessons tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Maria," said Katarina, letting her go. "I… I hope…" The words died on her lips. She shook her head, evidently deciding against whatever she had wanted to say. "Goodnight." She opened the door, waited until her friend had gone through, then shut it behind her.

It was early evening. As she walked away, Maria felt the need for some real food: not just tea and as many macarons as her patroness felt that she could spare, which was never more than one or two.

She began to head towards the school kitchens, which she knew would be empty at this time of day. Her movements were slow, meditative, and heavy with pent-up emotions. She wasn't sure whether to be glad that she and Katarina had agreed to be friends again, or miserable because nothing had been resolved, her dreams of love and happiness had been reduced to nothing but ashes, and the woman who had become the centre of her world was still determined to run away from a life she no longer wanted.

And yet, she hadn't given up all hope. Even now that the truth had been revealed, now she knew that Katarina had never meant for there to be romance between them, and now she understood that she had only been intended as a replacement bride to distract Prince Jeord while her patroness made a hasty getaway, she couldn't help but suspect that the beautiful, headstrong, infuriating woman she had fallen in love with was more attracted to her than she was willing to admit. Last night, when they had kissed, and several times today, she had felt a spark of something from her. Given enough time, she hoped to fan that spark into a bonfire. If there was any chance that she could have a genuine romance with the woman she loved, she would take it.

"What can I do?" she asked herself. "Where do I go from here?"

Though she racked her brains for ideas, she couldn't figure out the answers to those questions.

Author's Note:
This chapter was painfully difficult for me to write. I wrote the first version of it about a week ago, then had to scrap the whole thing and start again because I was unsatisfied with the pacing. Oh well, I hope the final version of this chapter is better for it.