Zarzap's Honkey Tonk Pickin', Line Dance Kickin', Razorback Stickin', Barbeque Chicken, Laundromat, Bar & Grill
Kalibak's ship slowed as it entered the oxygen field covering the large asteroid that Zarzap's restaurant was located on. The thrusters on the bottom of the large craft engaged, shining a brilliant red and white as the shiny black ship with the sign of the Omega on the side landed on four tall pillars that slid out of the craft to hold her above the rough surface of the asteroid. A large panel slid back from the belly of the craft and a gangway slowly slipped out until the metal lip of it landed on the rock, giving those inside a way off the ship.
Whenever similar ships had landed on other worlds or places, the inhabitants usually ran in fear or shot in futile desperation at the ship, but on the asteroid Kalibak's ship was just another of many amidst the crafts that struck fear into the hearts of law-abiding citizens the galaxy over. Though Darkseid was known and feared throughout the galaxy as a devious cosmic despot, Kalibak's ship, compared to the various modes of space transportation gathered outside the restaurant, looked positively regal. Where his ship was large, built for long space journeys made to house five or more new gods, the ships outside the restaurant were mostly ramshackle junk cobbled together from scrapyards and prayers.
The outside of the Zarzap's restaurant looked no better with no windows, a roof that was a mix of junk metal, rough black walls, and tacky lights strung around the edge of the roof. The ground was the hard gray rock of the asteroid, there wasn't a single plant, either faux or in a pot, huge five headed hounds were chained up outside, growling at one another, and an alien with the head similar to that of an ant's was taking a piss on the far corner of the building.
The entire area from the barren rock to the intimidating looking restaurant gave off an aura that was at the very least hostile and the most down right deadly. It made no pretense about what it was and didn't seek to hide the rough exterior with anything that would have made the place look inviting.
Kara loved it.
"Have you been here before, Kalibak?" Kara asked as she walked down the metal gangway.
Walking by her side, the burly Kalibak shook his head. "I have heard of this place but have never gone. My father would… disapprove."
Kara snorted as her boots finally touched the hard asteroid's surface. "Your old man sounds as bad as Superman. I've seen him wrinkle his nose at guys who wore their hair too long and were smoking."
"Well, we need not speak of them for a time. I doubt they know where we've gone and I know in their current states they cannot follow." For a while at least, Kalibak thought pleasantly, they would be away from any judgements or speculations and that exited him. He could not remember the last time he'd been off world on his own and not on a mission for lord Darkseid.
"That sounds like paradise." Kara floated up and turned to look at Kalibak as if he was of more interest than the restaurant before them. "Thank you, Kalibak, I couldn't have asked to go to a better place."
Kalibak grunted gruffly and ducked his head. For a moment Kara could have sworn he was blushing. "Despite what my father thinks, Kalibak is no fool. I too have often wondered where I would go if I could do as I pleased. I have debated coming to this place many times before but I knew it would be met with disdain from my father. I did save his life though; I deserve a night unto myself to do as I wish. To be free of my father's shadow and not have the weight of legacy upon my shoulders."
"Feels kinda good not living up to any expectations huh?" Kara laughed lightly. "I feel the same way, Kalibak. It feels freeing. Who knows, maybe you and I may just get to really like it."
Kalibak huffed and began to move towards the restaurant. He ducked his head again and mumbled something, and though Kara couldn't see his face but she guessed he was smiling. Turning back around, Kara put her feet back on the ground and began to make her way towards the bar through the maze of ships. She'd almost reached the bar's door when the lights strung on the outside of the bar reflected from a sleek metal frame in the right corner of her vision.
Kara turned to look at what the light would be reflecting off of in the dingy maze of ships and once more, she fell in love.
Large, shiny in some places, night black in others, handles that rose up high into the air, large leather seat big enough for two, chains wrapped around the body, and a metal skull that could have been from some bovine creature at the front, all proclaimed the glory of a mint condition Spaz Frag 5000. There were spikes, wheels with spikes, thrusters, thrusters with spikes, mounted guns, guns with spikes, saddle bags, a radio, and the finest trim she'd ever seen.
Though Kara had seen motorcycles on earth, they looked like pink tricycles compared to the beast of a bike before her.
Kara walked towards the bike, unable to simply admire it from a distance. The urge to sit on the seat, grab the handles, kick the throttle into gear and just go into the wild black yonder of space called out to her. She wasn't going to actually do that but she couldn't help but imagine it.
"Have you ever seen something so amazing, Kalibak?" Kara asked excitedly as she ooh'd and ahh'd at the bike.
"Once, I think," Kalibak ruminated, rubbing his bearded chin. "This bike is familiar to me, I have seen it before. It belongs to… to…."
"It belongs to me ya fraggin' ape," a rough, half-drunk voice snapped from the door of the restaurant.
Tall, chalk white with black around the eyes and spiky black hair, Lobo the last Czarnian glared at the pair. His was dressed in his usual style his black biker leathers and steel toed boots with spikes on the end. He wore his signature chain and hook as a belt tied around his waist and in one hand was a beer bottle.
"Lobo," Kalibak finally said as the name came back to him.
Lobo nodded and chugged the rest of his beer. "Well ain't you bright? I suppose you have heard of the deadliest fragger this side of the Source Wall." He belched suddenly then pointed a finger at Kara. "Now tell yer lady there to get her mitts of my bike. Nobody touches the Main Man's ride unless I say so."
Kara looked over her shoulder, her eyes scanning the Czarnian with the curiosity of one who'd never seen his race before. "Calm down, I didn't touch it, I'm only looking at it."
"Well you can't do that either!" Lobo yelled. "Now step away from the bike before I rip yer eyeballs out for starin' at it."
Kara rolled her eyes and turned back to looking at the bike. "Get bent, asshole."
"Last warning," Lobo growled.
In response, Kara turned a little towards him and placed a hand on the handle. Her eyes narrowed with challenge. "Try me."
Lobo cursed and dashed the beer bottle against the wall, leaving him with a jagged glass shank that glinted in the restaurant's tacky lights.
At the same time Kalibak whipped out his batons and gave them one twirl, making them frizzle with electricity. "If you wish to fight anyone, it shall be I, Kalibak, who takes you to task."
"Frag off Omega-boy," Lobo snarled and took off. He ran towards Kara but Kalibak bulled into him from the side, sending him crashing into the wall of the building. The building was reinforced to stand against the rigors of space but the whole establishment shook wildly and cries of surprise echoed in muffled tones from the inside.
Lobo roared out and decked Kalibak in the face, sending him flying into a rust laden ship. Without even looking at the new god again, Lobo charged towards Kara and sent the beer bottle into her middle. The jagged shards did nothing to penetrate her skin but the force of the blow sent Kara over the bike. She rolled once but came back to her feet and shot forward, flying into Lobo. She grabbed the arm holding the now even more useless bottle, spun around thrice, and sent him flying.
Lobo would have been sent careening into the vastness of space, but, jamming two fingers in his mouth, he whistled for his bike, and like a well-trained pet, his bike responded.
Roaring to life, the eyes in the bovine skull glowing red, the bike righted itself and made a B-line towards the Main Man. He grabbed the handle with one hand and hopped on all the while with his other hand he took the snaking chain and hook from around his waist and turned back towards Kara. He swung the chain and hook above his head and sent the blood encrusted hook towards Kara but a baton shot out, striking the chain, sending electrical currents through it and Lobo.
Lobo's hair shot up as he howled in pain but he kept hold of the chain and when it hit Kara she too cried out in pain as wavy lines of electricity covered her body.
Lobo would never admit it but he was impressed when she grabbed the chain despite the lethal voltage rippling through her and tugged it towards her.
Lobo kicked in his forward thrusters hoping to stay where he was or sent the woman flying to him but even with all thrusters at max he and the bike easily went sailing forward to where a balled fist came to meet his face.
The punch forced Lobo from his bike and sent him rolling on the hard asteroid rock while his bike continued to move forward.
Kara grabbed the bike with the other hand and attempted to mount only for a much bigger shock to send her flying as the anti-theft defenses, which were always set on lethal, kicked in. The voltage and the spikes jutting up from the seat would have killed someone else but for Kara it only sent her landing in the dust as well.
Lobo came to his feet quicker and was running towards Kara again just as she was getting to her feet and rubbing her head. She noticed Lobo closing in and prepared to strike but just as he was starting to strike and just as she was starting to attack, Kalibak leapt between them.
In the end, Lobo missed, Kalibak ended up hitting Lobo and Kara accidentally hit Kalibak, her blow thrown off by his interruption.
Kalibak would have gone flying had he not went stumbling into Lobo and sent them both skidding into the ground. "Why did you hit me?" he snapped angrily as he did his best to punch and untangle himself from the cursing Lobo.
"I had him, why are you in the way?!" Kara snarled.
"Frag you, lady, I would have decked you!" Lobo yelled as he punched Kalibak in the gut.
"As if!" Kara replied as took off in a leap. In an instant she was forcing herself down again, her feet poised to come down on Lobo's skull.
Lobo jumped to meet her just as Kalibak reared up to his full height and grabbed Kara's ankle. Kalibak swung her like a bat right into Lobo and yelled, "that's for punching me!"
Lobo went flying once more but soon was on the offense again as he rammed his knee into Kalibak's groin then uppercut him. "And that's for fraggin' hittin' me with her!"
Kalibak was about to swing Kara again like his personal weapon but she broke his hold and righted herself to her feet. Kara staggered, dizzy from being swung around, and glared daggers at Kalibak. Angrily she shot another punch his way as Kalibak turned to slug Lobo and Lobo snapped up a fist to punch Kara.
In the end, all three found themselves punching, biting, kicking, stomping, and burning one another in a row that sent the criminals inside the restaurant spilling out and surrounding them. Creds were waved around and bets were taken as the three tore into one another like wild animals.
The fight could have gone on forever or at least until they got bored. Lobo's healing kept him from being out of the fight, and new god Kalibak bore the resilience of his father. Kara was more than able to hold her own but she couldn't fight on two fronts at once. Whenever Kalibak was down Lobo would be up and vise versa until two people were always up and fighting.
The crowd around them loved the display, the bets growing higher and higher until a nasally trumpet sound bellowed around the fight and dropped the crowd into an eerie silence. The mob of criminals parted as huge Zarzap stomped towards the fighters. The three had stopped their fighting to look at Zarzap, Kalibak on Lobo's back, his arms around his neck while Lobo was biting Kara's leg and Kara was pulling at Kalibak's thick hair, trying to rip it out by the roots.
"I don't have many rules around here," Zarzap began as his elephant like trunk lowered. "I don't care if you shoot up drugs, drink until you die, or steal someone else's ride or their lady. But I don't take any fighting. Dumbasses like you break somethin' and then we all end up dying on this rock." He pointed at Lobo. "You know the rules, Lobo and if these two assholes found their way here I have a good enough guess that they do to. I've a mind to ban the three of you for life!"
"Aw Zarzap c'mon, it was only a little funnin' around!" Lobo whined, dismayed at the prospect of being banned.
"What're you mewling for?!" Kalibak butted in. "With our strength how can he ban us, how can he stop us?"
"What he said!" Kara chimed in. "You couldn't even keep that door on if we decided to bust it down."
Zarzap's trunk twitched in a way that would have been a shrug to a human. "Maybe so, but I ain't gotta serve you. No burgers for the lot of ya. Ya can't cook 'em, ya don't know how. You'd be pariahs, sittin' at a corner with no one who'll come within a foot of ya 'cause I'll kill 'em. Hell, I can up and move to and you wanna spend decades finding out where I gone, or have half the criminals in the galaxy breathin' fire down your backs? Rules is rules. Now which one of you started it? 'Fess up and I may just take it easy on the rest of you."
The trio grumbled as they disentangled themselves and combed over the options that Zarzap presented. None of it sounded good. Hell, Kalibak and Kara hadn't even gotten their burgers.
"Listen," Kara sighed. "It was my fault. You don't have to ban Kalibak, I'll wait on the ship."
"No, 'twas I who struck the first blow," Kalibak chimed in. "I am responsible. I will be the one who leaves."
Lobo gave a long whistle as if he was impressed. "Well you heard 'em Zarzap, they're responsible so let me off the hook, yeah?"
"You asshole!" Kara shot back.
"Bite me sweet heart," Lobo retorted as he and stood up. "So whadya say, Zarzap old buddy old pal?"
Zarzap stared daggers at Lobo, his beady black eyes all but pin pricks as they bored into Lobo. The scrutiny pressed upon the Main Man until he raised his hands and heaved a bombastic sigh. "Alright, alright so I may have instigated it a little bit. Just a little." He pinched his thumb and index finger together.
Zarzap's trunk made a low snorting sound that may have been a laugh. The giant ex-criminal put his hands on his hips and nudged his large head towards the door. "Alright. Don't let anyone ever say Zarzap, the destroyer of worlds never gave any paying customers second changes."
"So we're not banned?" Kara asked as she and Kalibak came to their feet.
Mischief twinkled in Zarzap's eyes. "On one condition."
8888
Dishes clattered and clacked together as waitresses brought in plastic bins of dirty plates, cups, and cutlery and tipped them into a large sink of water and bubbles. Kalibak, Lobo, and Kara sighed almost simultaneously as they grabbed the dishes in the water and started to scrub.
The trio wore dirty aprons of their clothes, Kalibak's more napkin than apron, and all wore thin gray nets over their hair.
Zarzap had let them stay, but he didn't intend for them to get off easy.
"This is all your fault, lady," Lobo growled as he half-heartedly scrubbed forks and knifes with a wet rag.
"My fault? If you hadn't been a little bitch about your bike, we wouldn't be in this mess," Kara shot back.
Lobo responded by trying to stab her with a steak knife but after the metal folded in on itself as it hit her skin he gave up.
"If you both didn't act so obstinate none of us would be in this mess," Kalibak added.
"I didn't see you try to meditate things," Kara pointed out.
Kalibak shrugged. "I never turn down a good fight."
Lobo's lips formed the ghost of a smirk. "It was a good fight, wasn't it? I've only been punched that hard a few times." He cast a sidelong glance to Kara and Kalibak. "Kalibak I know, new god, son of Darkseid, but I dunno about you." He nudged his head a little to Kara.
"Kryptonian," Kara replied.
Lobo snorted. "Bullshit. There's only one Kryptonian out there and that's little-boy-blue, aka Superman or Superdork or Superfrag, whichever suits your fancy. And by the way sister, I've fought the fraggin' Kryptonian and he don't hit half as hard as you do."
"I'm his cousin," Kara replied.
"No fraggin' way," Lobo replied in disbelief. "She lyin' Kalibak?" he asked as if he would honestly believed Kalibak's reply.
Kalibak nodded as he washed a few cups. "That is what my father believed or, more likely, that is the information he gathered. She is kin to the man of steel."
"I still call bullshit," Lobo griped as he scraped some fries off a plate and dunked it back into the soapy water. "If you're his cousin where you been all this time? I've been to that fraggin' backwater planet more times than I'd like and I ain't ever seen hide or hair of another fraggin' Kryptonian."
Kara shrugged. "I was in the Phantom Zone," she admitted with a little hesitation.
Lobo gave a soft, low whistle. "A jail bird huh? You must've been doin' some bad shit real young. How much time you serve?"
Kara looked down at the soapy water, her lips tucked into sad frown. "All my life," she replied quietly.
"Now how the frag–" Lobo began but stopped as Kalibak flicked some water at him.
"I do not think she wishes to talk of that time," Kalibak interposed his eyes narrowed dangerously at Lobo.
The glare did not intimidate Lobo in the slightest, but knowing what would happen if another fight broke out upon the asteroid, he tucked the slight away in his mind for another time and shrugged his shoulders instead. "Alright, so what you doin' here now that you're out of the big house? Matter of fact what're the both of you doin' here? Did daddy dearest really let you off your leash Kalibak?"
"I convinced Kalibak to bring me here," Kara cut in before Kalibak could reply with his fists. She quickly explained the fighting on earth and how Kalibak had escaped with the mortally wounded Darkseid and how they'd left Apokolips.
At the end of the tale, Lobo shrugged again. "Don't sound like you're gonna be welcomed back to earth."
"I don't want to go back," Kara admitted. She let the plate she was washing sink down into the water and grabbed the edge of the metal sink. "I wanna be free. Nothing holding me down anymore. I don't want to be a slave, a prisoner, and guardian, or a hero. I just want to be me. I wanted to leave before but Batman said I was too dangerous. He threatened to send me back into the Zone if I couldn't behave… it feels like he meant if I couldn't be controlled. You know out there by the bike? That was the first fight out there I had where I felt like I didn't have to walk on pins and needles. That I didn't have to be afraid of being scolded if I did something wrong. I didn't have anything to prove to a boss or to the damned Justice League or my cousin. It felt good."
"I agree," Kalibak chimed in. "There is a certain liberation to this. To answer to none but myself. To fight for myself. To take no orders."
"Yeah it's pretty sweet," Lobo agreed. "I been doin' it since I nuked Czarnia. No regrets. But you two, you got shit to hold you down, family, responsibilities, that kinda crud."
Kara and Kalibak shifted into silence, their hands on their work while their minds were elsewhere. As Kara took up a cup that had been filled with a beer-shake she suddenly slammed it down sending a puff of bubbles into the air. "Damnit, Kalibak, why should we go back?"
"My father–"
"Treats you like shit."
"Superman–"
"Wants me to be something I'm not. Like him. And if it's not Superman trying to make me his perfect Kryptonian cousin it's Batman watching me like a hawk." She turned to him and gestured to the back wall with a sudsy hand. "We are galaxies away from all that. We don't have to go back. We can just live our lives. Lobo can help us get started."
"Ay wait a minute, why're you draggin' me into the frag-fest?" Lobo cried in outrage.
"Shut up!" Kara and Kalibak shouted simultaneously.
"Let's give it some time, Kalibak. A month… two months… a year," Kara pleaded. "Our worlds will be waiting for us. Apokolips, Earth. Are they going to miss us for that long?"
Kalibak looked away. "Angel, I don't know if–"
"Do you want to be free, Kalibak? Do you want to be Kalibak the new god in your own right, or do you want to be known as the son of Darkseid for all your life? I know I sure as hell don't want to be known as Superman's cousin… a… a… Supergirl. Do you know how lame that would be?"
Slowly Kalibak looked up to her, his eyes uncertain but she had tempted him with a dream of something he could have that he never had before. He could move out of his father's shadow. She could finally put her short life on earth behind her and figure out who she was. They could both figure it out.
"Alright." Kalibak gave a small smile. "We'll do it."
"Well congrat-u-fraggin'-lations to you two," Lobo interjected. "But I don't see what this has to do with me and how would or why would I help your fraggers."
"Lobo, all I want you to help us do is show us how to get that type of bike you have." Kara turned to him, a smile on her face. "That's it."
Lobo arched a brow. "You want a Spaz Frag 5000? Yeah, I know how to get 'em, know how to modify 'em too, but why should I help you? Hell, I think I hate yer guts just for bein' Superman's cousin or sister or whatever the frag you are. So really, why in the great frag should I help you?"
Kara shrugged and held out her hands. "There'll be some cash in it for you," she offered, then added, "And... it'll be fun."
Lobo stared at the pair of them, his eyes darting from Kara to Kalibak then he let a cup fall into the water. "Eh, it's not like I'm doing anything else. Who knows, this might just be worth my fraggin' while."