September 26, 2003
The season is officially starting to change. The air grows brisker as each day passes. The mornings bring a thick fog. We savor every warm, sunny afternoon because we know that in the blink of an eye it will be winter.
I have always loved autumn. Fall time in the South brings an end to the sweltering hot temperatures of summer. The beautiful multicolored leaves are one of my favorite sights.
But this year is different. The beautiful leaves fall from the trees and cover decaying bodies. Instead of taking a trip to the pumpkin patch, we travel to abandoned buildings to search for supplies. We no longer drink apple cider and eat pumpkin bread; we drink boiled rainwater and eat canned beans.
As different as this year is, I am extremely grateful for the people I am with. I'm still upset with Luke with how he acted a week ago, but I'm still thankful for him. Now that my pregnancy is out in the open, everyone is a huge help. Unfortunately I haven't been able to spend a lot of time with Nick, due to my brother. On days that Luke has the first shift of watch, Nick and I are able to sleep together for a few hours until Luke wakes him up. Martha also gifted me the bedroom in the back of the RV, so I've been sleeping much better lately.
I sit on top of the RV, waiting for Martha to join me for our shift of watch. I was originally supposed to have watch tonight with Pete, but Martha insisted that she join me this evening. The others have tried to cut my watch shifts dramatically, so I'm actually happy to keep watch tonight.
The sun set not too long ago, so the sky is not pitch black yet. Even though the night is still young, this night is one of the coldest yet. I pull my jacket tighter around me.
Martha comes over the horizon of the RV. "Sorry for making you wait," she says, "Pete was talking my ear off."
I smile at her. "It's okay. Sometimes it's nice to get a few minutes alone. It doesn't happen very often anymore."
She takes a seat beside me, resting Pete's rifle across her thighs. "I understand. When I was pregnant I always wanted some peace and quiet, but never got it."
An hour or so passes in peace. I spend my time watching the treeline sway ever so slightly in the breeze. Suddenly I feel a twinge of sadness in my heart. Random thoughts of my parents fill my mind. I realize that I haven't talked about my feelings in quite a while. Years ago, I saw a therapist regularly. What I would give to speak to Dr. White right now.
Of everyone here, Martha would be the best person to share my feelings with. "I miss my parents so much."
Her already kind face softens even more. "I know you do. I miss them too."
"They would know what to do, especially my mom. Sure, I know the basics like changing a diaper, but I have no idea how to really be a mom. Especially in this mess."
"I know things are different now so it'll be harder, but I know you'll be an amazing mom just like yours was. And the rest of us will be here to help you along the way."
My mind soothes from her kind words, but she keeps going, "I always wanted to be a grandma- never thought it would happen this soon, but I'm glad it's happening."
My cheeks heat up despite the chilliness of the night. "Believe me, I'm terrified, but there's a part of me that is excited. I won't miss the random puking though."
"My morning sickness was nowhere near as bad as yours, so I don't blame you!" Martha laughs at my joke, before continuing in seriousness. "There isn't anything I could say in a million years to express how thankful I've been to have you in the life of my son. The kids always either ignored him or were mean when we lived in the city. When we moved to the countryside, I was worried that he would be so lonely. The second we got to the house, before we even moved in, you were right at our side trying to make friends. I know that Nick was tough at first, but you broke down a wall in him that I thought would take him years to knock down himself. You never gave up on him, despite all his struggles. You were there for him in ways no one else ever could be."
Her words warm my heart, but I can't take credit for being there for him. I was only doing the right thing by sticking by him. "It's really no big deal. Nick means the world to me. I'd do anything for him."
Martha pries her eyes away from her deadlocked gaze on the street below. She turns to me and smirks, the moonlight illuminating her family's signature blue eyes. "You know… your mom and I just about had you and Nick's wedding planned out since you were about ten years old."
"What… Why… What are you talking about?" I sputter out, cheeks flushed for what feels like the hundredth time. Are our feelings that obvious to our families? Obviously I have strong feelings for Nick, but now my mind lingers at the mention of a wedding. I just found out that my mom apparently planned a wedding between my childhood crush and myself. Maybe it's just my crazy pregnant brain, but my brain is firing synapses that I do not understand. A wedding. Jesus, the thought has never crossed my mind until now.
She laughs at the befuddled look on my face. She leans toward me and places a calming hand over my own hand. "Oh, sweetie. I'm just messing with you. We didn't have a wedding planned. Although, we did have some ideas for when the time came."
"With how overprotective Luke is, that would never happen in a million years."
"Luke is a good guy, he just needs to learn to lighten up a little. I know he'll come around eventually. Don't you worry about it," she says.
We sit for a moment with her hand gripping mine, grateful smiles on both of our faces. It's a beautiful, peaceful moment. In an instant my stomach turns. I don't even have time to ready myself. I launch myself from the chair and send it flying backward. I barely make it to the edge of the RV before my dinner falls from my mouth and onto the ground below. Moment effectively ruined.
September 27, 2003
The next day I get to go on a run with Nick. Everyone was surprised that Luke was okay with it, but it was at Martha's request.
The two of us wait until we are out of earshot of our campsite before talking. Nick speaks first, "How are you feeling?"
"I'm okay. I haven't thrown up today, so that's good. But we also don't have much food left, and winter is coming soon. I'm just a bit worried about everything…" I confess.
"Don't you worry." He nudges me playfully with his shoulder. "We will find some food on our run, I'm sure of it."
We continue our venture into the woods in hopes of finding something useful. We've only been in this area for a few days, so these woods are entirely new for us. We have no idea what we're looking for; We're just hoping to stumble across something, anything.
We happen across a small clearing in the woods. Usually in places like this we find an abandoned building or campsite. Today, no such luck.
I walk to the only thing in the clearing, a tree stump. A dragonfly flies away before I lower myself onto the stump. I sigh, putting my head in my hands. There goes those pesky pregnant brain thoughts again, filling my thoughts with a random bout of sadness. Tears spring into my eyes.
"Hey, don't cry. We'll find something eventually," Nick says, placing himself in front of me.
"No, it's not that." I tell him. "It's… the fact that everything is full of drama now. Luke won't let us be around each other. And everyone is on edge. I'm sorry that I'm randomly crying."
He smiles at me with a sad look on his face. He reaches to caress my face, but the two of us shoot apart at the crinkle of leaves nearby. We look toward the noise, expecting a lurker. Instead, a man stands about fifteen feet away. My tears stop immediately as the two of us draw our guns on the man.
"Woah, hey there," the man says. He puts his hands up in surrender. "I don't want any trouble."
"Are you armed?" Nick pushes me behind him.
"Well, I've got this for protection." He gestures to a gun in the waistband of his jeans. "Can't say I really know how to use it though. Are you all right, Miss?"
Nick and I share a glance before cautiously lowering our weapons. This guy could be lying to us, but he doesn't seem like the type to try and pull one over on us. I keep my hand at the ready on my weapon, just in case.
"I'm okay. Thank you. We were just looking for food and I got a bit stressed out."
"Well, I'm Dustin." He smiles at us, and I allow myself to relax enough to observe his appearance. He's dressed well, in tailored jeans, a button up shirt, and dress shoes. His shirt is half tucked in, with the gun visible in the waistband. He's much taller than me, but still considerably shorter than Nick. He has short blond hair and a pair of glasses perched on his narrow nose.
"I'm Bea, and this is Nick."
"So nice to meet you two. If you're nice people-which you haven't shot me yet so I think you are- you are free to come with me back to my family farm," Dustin says.
His farm? This guy doesn't look like he came from a farm. I guess I have never looked like a farmgirl either, but now I start to question his story.
"Your farm?" Nick questions, his mind going to the same place as mine.
"Well, it's not your typical farm," he explains. "My mom and her girlfriend bought this large plot of land a few years back and built a house on it. They wanted to be self sustaining. They haven't quite achieved that title yet, but we've got plenty of food."
Nick starts to decline, but I interrupt. "If we were to accept, would that offer apply to the rest of us?"
Nick gives me a look, but doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to. I know exactly what he's thinking. This could be a huge risk, but if it's legit, our problems could be solved. We could ride out the winter in an actual house, with plenty of food. We could potentially stay there long term. It could be a place for the baby to grow up.
"The rest of you?" Dustin asks.
"My brother, Nick's mom, and Nick's uncle are back at our campsite. Could they come too?"
"Sure thing." I hope that this risk pays out well.
Nick and I lead Dustin through the woods and back to our campsite. Throughout our journey, Nick keeps me behind him. His hand hovers over his weapon. Dustin tries to make small talk. He awkwardly asks about the weather and how we've been. It feels so odd to act normal.
When we return to our camp, the others are weary of Dustin's offer. Luke especially does not want to follow through with the deal. It takes a bit of convincing from myself and Martha, but eventually the guys agree to try it. We will head to the farm, but we'll leave the second anything goes South.
Dustin sits around and waits for the rest of us to pack up the items around our camp. As I pack up one of our chairs, Luke appears at my side. He takes the chair from me.
"I can pack up a chair on my own you know," I say sarcastically.
"I'm your big brother. I'm supposed to help you."
I playfully smack his arm as he securess the chair into its sleeve. "I thought big brothers were supposed to give their little sisters shit."
"I've given you plenty of shit growing up. Let me be nice for once," he says.
I give him a smile as he carries the chair into the RV. When he returns he asks, "So you think this guy's all right?"
Sighing, I rub my stomach. Instead of nausea pains, I feel hunger. "I think so. If he wanted to rob us he would've done it already. We're desperate for food, and this might be our answer."
Luke glances back at Dustin, who is trying (and failing) to strike up conversation with Nick and Pete. "Okay, I'll trust you with this. But don't stay alone with him at all, just in case."
We board the RV after packing up. We're used to packing up often, but this time we actually have somewhere to go. Dustin gives us directions, and within fifteen minutes, we have arrived.
The house is situated at the end of a long driveway. The house does not appear to be your typical farm house. The house is unlike anything I've seen in person. It is modern and unique. Two women stand in the front doorway, staring at the RV with concerned appearances. Dustin exits first, and immediately the women come to hug him. The worried looks are replaced by excitement.
"You brought guests?!" The first woman hugs him with pure excitement. She is obviously Dustin's mother. She is a few inches shorter than him, with the exact same color blonde hair tinged with grey and pulled into a low ponytail. Light wrinkles are painted around the corners of her eyes.
The other woman hugs Dustin next. She is short and stocky. Her hair is much darker than Dustin's mother, but it too is tinged with grey.
After she releases from Dustin she turns to the rest of us, who are standing in the entrance of the RV. "And who are your new friends?"
"This is Bea, Luke, Nick, Pete, and Martha," Dustin says, pausing after each of our names so that he can point us out.
"I'm Jenny," Dustin's mother says, "And this is my girlfriend, Bethany!"
Bethany. That was my mom's name. The others seem a bit shocked to hear that name again, but no one outwardly reacts. I push the thoughts aside because Jenny and Bethany both greet us with tight hugs. Their kind greetings reinforce my belief that this could be a good place to stay.
Jenny, Bethany, and Dustin lead us into their home. The inside is just as beautiful, modern, and unique as the outside. The living room features a large sectional couch, and the biggest TV I've ever seen in someone's home. Attached is a large kitchen with an island, lots of cabinets, and a double oven. The best part is that they have electricity and running water. I could get used to staying in a place like this.
"Your home is exquisite!" Martha tells them.
Jenny blushes a bit and Bethany brings her into a side hug. "We tried to make it a place we could call home for the rest of our lives."
Bethany says, "We have some of our mini farm outside if you'd like to see it. Or you could all go downstairs to the basement, which is where y'all can stay. There's a bathroom down there too, with a great shower and bathtub."
"We can go check out your farm. We all lived and worked on a farm before all this," Pete says.
"Great! Just follow Dustin outside and he can show you around," Jenny says.
Everyone sets off for the back door, but I interject, "While everyone does that, I'd like to go downstairs and shower, if that's okay."
"Of course! It's just through that door right there," Jenny points to a wooden door at the back of the living room.
Nick goes to the RV and brings my bag inside. He tries to follow me downstairs but I tell him to go outside with the others, for Luke's sake.
The basement, as expected, matches the rest of the house: Soft carpet, huge couch, art on the walls. The bathroom does not disappoint either. Bethany wasn't lying about the shower and bath being great. The bathtub is deep, with jets. The shower is large, with a glass door and beautifully patterned tiles on the surrounding walls. Both a shower and a bath seem like good options, but I ultimately decide on showering. I'll be able to actually clean myself this way.
I set the water to my desired temperature, shed my clothes, and cautiously step into the shower. The water sprinkles over my body like a rainshower sent from the heavens. This is my first proper shower in ages. I wash every part of my body once, twice, three times for good measure. I shave nearly my entire body too. I don't ever want to exit the shower, but I force myself to step into the steamy bathroom. Wrapping myself in a towel, I wipe away the fog on the mirror to look at myself. I flash myself a bright smile. I deserve this.
I redress in a new outfit that's as clean as we could get with the washboard. Product goes into my hair for the first time since this all started. Maybe my hair will be wavy and not frizzy for once. My hair still damp, I head through the house and out the back door. From their porch I can see the whole of their land. There's a small field with many different plants, many of which are just about ready for harvest. There's a line of apple trees beside a bright red barn. Attached to the barn is a chicken coop and a pasture. Everyone is gathered in the pasture. Nick is feeding a pony, but he stops when he catches my eye. He waves me down and I make my way toward the others.
"How was the shower?" Bethany asks.
"Oh, it was amazing. I saved some hot water for whoever wants to shower next."
Pete nods at Martha. "Martha, how about you go next?"
She wanders off toward the house, Jenny and Bethany following after her to show her where the laundry room is so we can wash our clothes. Pete is interested in how their generator and well water system works, so Dustin takes him to see it. Nick hands me some feed and the three ponies gather around me.
"Damn, Bea. You're so short you're almost making those ponies look tall!" Luke teases me.
He's actually funny, but I won't admit it, of course. I roll my eyes and speak sarcastically, "Haha, very funny."
"This place isn't quite like ours was, but it's pretty nice. They grow a little bit of everything: apples, corn, wheat, tomatoes, soybeans, sweet potatoes. They have five chickens for eggs, and there's a stream around the back that they use for fishing. And of course they have these three," Nick says, pointing out everything as he goes along. He stops at the end to laugh at the three little ponies nudging against me for more food.
"They're so cute." I smile.
"This one is Lady," Luke says, pointing to the white pony. "This is Daisy." He points to the sandy colored pony. "And this is Misty." He pats the top of the black pony's head.
We finish up feeding the ponies before moving into the chicken's area. We throw the chicken feed onto the ground, causing all the chicken to gratefully peck away.
The boys head inside to get cleaned up before dinner, hesitantly leaving me by my lonesome on the porch. I assure them I'm fine and they leave me to relax on the porch. I'm successful in my relaxation for a while, until Dustin sits down beside me, slightly too close for comfort.
"So how old are you?" he asks.
"Twenty-two."
His face falls slightly at my answer. "Oh… I'm thirty-two."
I'm not sure how to respond to his words, so I just smile and nod.
He speaks again, "So how has the apocalypse been going for you?"
I know he's just trying to be kind, but I'm honest with him, "Well my dog died, and I had to kill my parents. You?" I don't add I'm pregnant and the father is my brother's best friend, who I can't be with because of something that happened over fifteen years ago.
"Oh my! I'm so sorry! I didn't know!"
"It's okay," I soothe his worries. "You really didn't know. I'm sorry for being blunt."
He coughs awkwardly and he moves his body to make the porch swing sway back and forth. He changes the subject. "Your eyes are so beautiful. Were you born like that or did something happen?"
It's been a long time since I've met anyone new, so I've almost forgotten that my eyes are an abnormality. Pre-apocalypse, I had to explain my heterochromia at least twice a week. "Thank you. It's called heterochromia and I was born with it."
He nods his head in awe. "And you don't really dress like your typical farmgirl. The others I could believe, but you… not so much. Looks like you're stuck in the nineties." He gestures toward my baggy, holey jeans and flannel.
"Hah! I could say the same about you. You're wearing dress shoes!" I point out his attire.
"Well, I grew up in the city. My mom didn't buy this place until after I was already moved out, so I never lived here until the world went to shit. According to the others, you all grew up on a farm," he says.
I take in his reasonings, and they do make sense. "I guess you're right to be confused. I always loved the animals and being close to my family, but the truth is: I wasn't a big fan of the country lifestyle. I guess that's why I chose a clothing style that doesn't quite match the farmgirl aesthetic. I always dreamed of living in the city. If we could get out of morning farm duties, Nick would take me into the city on Saturdays any chance he got. He got his driver's license on his sixteenth birthday the minute the DMV opened, just so he could take me into the city because he knew I loved the city atmosphere."
"Nick seems like a pretty nice guy."
"The best," I tell him.
From the corner of my eye, a lurker stumbles down the gravel driveway. I stand to go deal with it, but Dustin stops me. Trying to pull me back insides he says, "Shit, we better get inside and wait for it to go away. I'm not very good around those things."
"If you're not very good with them then what were you doing in the woods earlier?" I ask.
"I just wanted to go for a walk and see if I found anything. I'd just run away if I saw one. I've done it before. The exterior is fenced in, so we don't get many here, unless they come down the driveway," he says, still tugging me toward the door as the lurker gets closer.
I pull my arm out of his grasp and walk down the stairs that lead to the driveway. I take the lurker down easily, like it's an everyday chore. I try to grab the corpse by its arms to drag it away from the house. Nick comes out of the house and stops me by offering to do it himself. His hat is off, presumably inside somewhere. His hair is slightly damp, the sunlight glistening a bit off his dark hair. I stare at him for a few moments as he drags the limp body away. Feeling my eyes on him, he stops, turns, and gives me a wink. I head back inside with Dustin and allow Nick to finish.
Inside, the others are in the kitchen finishing up dinner. I ask if there's anything I can help with and am assigned the task of getting everyone a drink. Getting the cups from the cabinet is easy. Getting the pitcher down from the top shelf of the cabinet proves to be the hard part. Even standing on the tips of my toes, the pitcher is far out of my reach.
"You can't reach it can you?" Dustin approaches me, nearly cornering me against the counter. "You're just so tiny."
The combination of his too-close-for-comfort proximity and weird tone is enough to make me scrunch my forehead in confusion. It's no secret that I'm short, but the way he points it out is a bit weird to me. I open my mouth, unsure of what to say. In my stupor, Nick appears out of nowhere. With ease, he reaches over the top of me, grabs the pitcher, and hands it to me with a smile.
I fill everyone's cups with water and carefully place them around the dining table. As I finish, Jenny lays down plates piled with food at each placemat. Everyone takes their seats, and my mouth waters until it's finally acceptable for me to dig in. I've been too distracted all day by the amenities of this house to remember the hunger pains in my stomach. But the second I laid eyes on this plate of fish and sweet potato, the hunger came back in an uncontrollable wave. To combat this surge of hunger, I scarf down my food faster than anyone else.
"I take it the food was good?" Bethany asks, barely halfway done with her meal.
"It was delicious. Best meal I've had in weeks."
"Gee, thanks," Pete says sarcastically from across the table, but he has a small smile on his face. I notice that his plate is nearly clean too, so it's safe to assume that he agrees with my statement.
We finish our meal mostly in silence. Nick, Luke, Pete, Martha, and I are just thankful to have a warm meal around a dining room table for the first time in months. The clean up process is much easier too, because we have a sink with running water.
With our stomachs full, we all settle onto the couch. It's large enough for all of us to sit comfortably, but Nick still sits a bit closer to me than is probably necessary. To my surprise, Luke gives no thought to our close proximity.
We make small talk, until Martha asks Pete to go get her photo album out of the RV. Martha and Pete sit with the photo albums in front of them, with Jenny, Bethany, and Dustin beside them. Nick, Luke, and I gather behind the couch so that we can see the pictures too.
Martha flips through the first half of the photo album, only gaining some "awws" from Jenny and Bethany upon seeing baby pictures of Nick, Luke, and I. None of our early childhood pictures are anything special. The good stuff doesn't start until we reach pictures of our early teens.
Martha turns the page to reveal a picture of Nick and I in middle school. I remember it clearly. It was taken at Nick's eighth grade football championship game, right after his team had won. Nick never liked smiling in pictures, but he's absolutely beaming in this image.
"That picture is just adorable!" Jenny says. "Nick, you played football?"
Nick nods sheepishly, but Pete cuts in, "He sure did. Boy was actually good at it, too. Still don't know why he decided to give it up before high school."
Pete never did get over Nick's decision to quit playing football. He's right; Nick was pretty good at it, but he never truly enjoyed it. I think I was the only other person who fully understood his decision to not pursue it further.
A few pages later we stumble across the picture Nick and I took before my sophomore prom. The second the picture comes into view, Jenny and Bethany launch into a fit of pleasant compliments.
"How adorable!" Jenny squeals.
"You two went to prom together?" Bethany asks.
Martha gives Nick and I a knowing look, while the two of us just nod.
"Gee thanks for taking all the attention you two," Luke jokes, nudging Nick in the ribs. "They totally skipped over the fact that I was Prom King that year."
The last picture to draw any attention from the others is a picture taken at my college graduation. It's a great picture; that day was perfect, even though I had been so nervous to give my valedictorian speech. It's one of the only pictures that includes my entire family- Nick, Pete, and Martha included.
"Were you valedictorian?" Dustin asks.
"She sure was! Valedictorian of both her high school graduating class and college!" Martha beams.
I blush. Everyone in my family was and is so proud of me for my accomplishments, which I appreciate dearly. But their praise always makes me blush. I have never really liked to make a big deal of my accomplishments. "Well, yeah, but I went to a small high school and college so it's not that big of a deal."
"Smart and humble. What a woman," says Dustin flirtatiously, putting a sour look on Nick's face.
"What did you study in college?" Jenny asks me.
"I got my degree in biology, but I was getting ready to start grad school when all this started. I was going to be a psychiatrist." I tell her.
Dustin, Jenny, and Bethany whoop and holler for me, and Luke claps his hand on my shoulder. It's a nice feeling to be appreciated. Right now, I nearly forget that outside these walls, society is in shambles.
Author's Note: I apologize for taking so long to get this chapter up. Between Halloween and the US Election things have been pretty hectic, and this chapter is the longest one by far. The next couple chapters are really interesting, and I've been looking forward to writing them!