Chapter Ten
The next Monday at work things get even worse. As soon as I get into the office, Brian is at my door handing me a file.
"This early?" I ask but it's more of a rhetorical question.
"Unfortunately, yes Louis wants you to take this case while he's out on paternity leave," Brian replies.
"Paternity leave? Did Sheila have the baby?" I ask as I look over the file.
"No, no. Not yet, but he already took off for the whole month. I think he told you he was going to do this, yeah?" Brian says. It doesn't ring a bell though. I guess Louis thinks I have enough to deal with on my own right now.
"Yeah he did. I remember now," I say and look back down. Brian sits down in the chair in front of my desk.
"Katrina…" Brian starts, "are you okay?" And that's the question I'm always afraid to hear because I don't know the answer. I can answer the most convoluted math problem or riddle in the world, but when it comes to my emotions, I just can't solve the puzzle.
"I'm fine," I tell him but there are tears in my eyes. Brian reaches across my desk and places his hand on my arm.
"Hey look at me," he says. "I'm right here, Katrina." With those words, I just lose it. I begin sobbing into my hands and Brian doesn't exactly know how to react. I feel him get up and walk to my side of the desk. His hands squeeze my shoulders, but I don't feel any better. Only one thing comes to my mind right now and it's how much I want things to be okay again. I want Mike to be my rock again. I want to be happy again.
After a few minutes of crying, I gather myself enough that Brian decides to leave my office. I probably freaked him out with my moment of weakness, but I couldn't hold back anymore.
Once Brian leaves Katrina's office, he decides to go talk to Mike. He doesn't really talk to him much, but he wants to make sure Katrina is okay.
"Hey," Brian says as he knocks on the inside of Mike's open door, "can I talk to you?"
Mike looks up with a confused look on his face, "Yeah, sure. What's going on?"
"I'm Brian, Katrina's associate," Brian says to try and rid Mike of his confusion.
"I know who you are, Brian. She's my wife after all," Mike says hastily, but Brian walks further into the office determined to make sure the woman they both care for is okay.
"Right, sorry. I just wanted to see if she's okay. When I went to her office, she was acting strange and honestly, she's been acting this way for a while," Brian starts, "and when I asked her if she was okay, she just started sobbing-"
"Shit. When was this?" Mike says and stands up from his desk. It hurts him to know his wife is so upset. Especially when he knows it must be his fault, so he can't even make her feel better. There's so much distance between the two of them.
"Just a few minutes ago. I tried to calm her down while she was crying, but I didn't really know how. Seems like she needs someone closer to her to help," Brian says.
Mike starts to walk out, but before he crosses the threshold he turns back to Brian, "Thanks man. For letting me know and trying to help her. It means a lot," he says.
But it's not Katrina's office he goes to. He walks into the other blonde's office.
"Samantha, I need you," Mike says urgently.
"I'm a little busy, Mike," she says in an annoyed tone. She's not Mike's biggest fan these days, knowing how much he hurt her best friend.
"It's not for me, it's for her," Mike says firmly. Samantha drops her pen and looks up at him. She can tell he isn't lying. Mike gives her a nod and Samantha walks swiftly out of her office and into Katrina's.
"Samantha, hey," Katrina says but by the way she walked in it's clear Samantha wants to cut the small talk.
"What happened?" Samantha says as she walks over and leans on Katrina's desk.
"I'm not sure what you mean?" Katrina says in a confused tone, her head leaning to the side.
"Mike said-" Samantha begins, but she stops when she sees the look on Katrina's face when she said her husband's name. "It's Mike still?"
"It's always Mike. But you talked to him?" Katrina asked. She didn't think the two of them were really on speaking terms.
"He said you needed me, so that's why I'm here," Samantha reaches out and grasps her friend's shoulder firmly. Katrina starts to tear up again at her touch.
"I'm sorry, Samantha, I need to get out of here," Katrina says and stands up abruptly.
"Katrina-" Samantha says, but it's no use. The woman is already out of the office and into the elevators. When she leaves the office, Samantha sees Mike standing on the wall by the door.
"Sorry Mike I couldn't help her this time," she says, but she doesn't look directly at him. She's overcome with worry about her friend.
"I just want to make her feel better," Mike says quietly. It's the first time in a while that Samantha hasn't hated Mike. She hasn't forgiven him for what he did to Katrina, but she can tell that he is a wreck without her. And at the end of the day, Mike did push Rachel away.
"I don't know what's going to make her feel better right now," Samantha says with a sigh. "Does she really know that you immediately pushed her away? Not to bring up a sore subject, but you should reinforce that fact. She heard it from Donna, but it needs come from you."
"You're right, Samantha. Thanks. I'm going to go find her," Mike says and walks away. He thinks he knows where she is. She always goes to the same place when she's upset. There is a small park near their house that has beautiful scenery. She must be there.
He arrives at the park about forty-five minutes later and sees Katrina sitting on a blanket under the shade of a tree. The branches reach across the clear, blue sky and hold on to the sunlight. As Mike gets closer, he notices she's reading a book. He can't help but smile at the sight of her. She looks like someone out of a period piece. He looks at her for a few minutes before he approaches her.
"Katrina," I hear from behind me and my heart begins racing. It's Mike. I turn to face him.
"Hi," I say and put my book down.
"Is it cool if I sit?" Mike asks with a smile. I give him a nod.
It's quiet for a moment before I speak, "Thanks for asking Samantha to try and help me earlier. I just needed to get out of there."
"I figured she might be able to help you more than I could, but-" Mike starts but doesn't finish.
"Actually, I think at this point no one can help us but us. Do you think we could have a real conversation now?" I ask. It's an olive branch I want to see if he'll take.
"Absolutely. I want nothing more, babe," he says.
"Good," I start, "can we start with that night? What exactly happened Mike?"
"We were at the bar and it was loud, so Rachel and I went out to the patio. She started talking about how she missed me and what could've been. I should've stepped back when she got closer to me. I don't know why I didn't," Mike says, and I listen closely. "She hugged me and when she pulled away, we were just inches from each other." I wince imagining the two of them so close together. "She said some shit about me not being there if I didn't want it to happen. And then she just kissed me. And I promise Katrina, I know it doesn't make it any better, but I did not kiss her back. I pushed her away immediately," he finishes and looks at me.
I don't really know what to say. By no means, is what happened okay with me, but I believe Mike when he says he didn't kiss her back.
"You okay? I know it's a lot, but thanks for listening to my side of the story," Mike says and moves a little closer to me.
"I'm alright, yeah. I am sorry I didn't listen to you sooner," I say quietly.
"Well, I should have told you, so part of that's on me," he says.
"Yeah, I guess, but I shouldn't have left. I must still have my running away when things get hard tendency. And that wasn't fair to you, taking the kids away," I say, and he puts a hand on my back.
"It's okay, really. I know you were just blindsided by it all. Katrina you don't have any tendency of that sort. I hope you know that," he says.
"Oh no Mike I definitely do. Since the beginning of it all, I pushed you away when things got hard. Maybe subconsciously but I do it," I say shaking my head.
"Are you serious? No, I left you back then in Pennsylvania," Mike says with a confused look on his face.
"I'm not- you're not getting it. I'm constantly telling you I need space. It's a fundamental flaw. I'm just- I'm sorry," I say and turn to look at him. There's nothing but love and care on his face. He wears a soft smile and light eyes that look me over cautiously.
"You don't need to apologize at all," he starts with a soft voice, and I lay my head on his shoulder. It's the closest we've been to each other in a while. The smell of the cologne on his neck lingers from this morning and it's a sweet relief. His hand starts running through my hair as he continues, "You are the best woman I have ever met, love. And I'm not upset with you for when you need space. We all need it sometimes and you never need it if I'm acting right. So, it's not a fundamental flaw. It's a reaction to my actions. But baby, you are the most important thing in my life. If I could take back what I did that night, I would in a heartbeat. But I can't and I hate that. I will never stop trying to make it up to you." I take my head off his shoulder and look at him.
"Mike," I begin, and he looks at me anxiously, "I love you." His breath hitches when I say it. It's been quite some time since I've said those three words to him.
"I love you too, so much. Like Dolly Parton says, I will always love you," he says and puts his hand tenderly on my face. I lean in and kiss him like I haven't in forever. The feel of his lips on mine is transcending.
"God, I missed you," I say between kisses. He just smiles and keeps kissing me until neither of us can breathe. "I believe you about Rachel," I say.
"I'm happy to hear that and I promise I'm not upset with you for any of this. It's on me," Mike says.
"We both could've handled things better," I confess.
"What do you say we go get the kids and drive upstate for dinner?" Mike asks standing up and holding his hand out for me to grab.
"That sounds perfect," I say and stand up. He wraps me into a hug before we leave the park.