Chapter 9 – Living at 12 Grimmauld Place

It was only three hours later when Harry sat bolt upright shaking and covered in sweat, he had relived Cedric's death again in the graveyard but this time he had seen what was in the bundle carried by Wormtail. At the very thought his stomach gave a lurch which had him throwing off his blankets and trying to run to the bathroom only to realise his leg was braced in a position where he couldn't walk. Harry fell to the ground hard hitting the back of his head on a nearby set of draws.

You're going to wake the entire house up freak! His head shouted in his Uncles voice. Don't bring any attention to us, you don't deserve help, you deserve to hurt like this. It continued

Don't worry Harry you will be with your Mudblood mother soon, whispered a high, spine chilling voice. You are such a disappointment to them, I doubt they would want you join them, they would rather you not exist

Gasping for air now, Harry put his hands over his ears in an attempt to shut the voices out, his stomach giving another lurch as his stomach contents came up and into his mouth. He quickly stood up on his good leg, grabbed the nearest thing to keep him upright and flung the bathroom door open.

Thankfully the bowl was near the door and he collapsed headfirst down onto the floor spilling everything he had managed to eat into it. In between spouts of throwing up Harry could barely get any air into his lungs, to the point that his vision, already blurry from the lack of glasses of his face, waved in and out of darkness. Without thinking he reached up to the bathroom sink hoping to find what he needed but with no success, he then searched the floor around him before finding soothing sharp enough to do the job.

He quickly rolled up his pyjama top sleeve and pulled the sharp object as hard as he could over his arm, again and again until he could see a bit clearer and he could breathe without gasping or throwing up. Harry then sat there his good leg curled to his chest, breathing because that was what all he could manage at that point. His pyjamas cold and stuck against his skin making him shiver, blood leaking out of the new cuts on his left arm ignored due to needing to just be for a while.

At least no one had been woken up and had come in to check on him, Harry thought rationally for the first time in the last hour and a half, or however long he had been sitting there. Finally calm enough to move he started the clean-up process by stripping himself from his clothes before using them as a mop to clean up the fluids on the ground around the bowl and where he had just been sitting. Once the floor was clean, he flushed before putting his sodden, disgusting pyjamas into the laundry basket.

Harry then scooted back into the bedroom to where his trunk was placed from when Sirius brought it up earlier before he went to bed. He took out a long-sleeved top and some shorts so he could fit them over his brace before grabbing a towel also. He then grabbed his crutches and scooted back into the bathroom where he could have a shower to wash himself down after the night's events. He managed to balance on one leg as he cleaned himself up, it took a lot more effort that he was anticipating as he knew he could not get his bandages wet. Once he was clean and dressed, he made his way back into the bed hoping that it wasn't too long to sit through with his head loud and abusive.

When the sun creeped through the curtains not that long later and movement could finally be heard on the lower levels of the House Harry knew he had made it through another night. It wasn't long before he was joined by Remus and Sirius who were both incredibly surprised to see him up and dressed.

"We thought you would be out of it from the sleeping potions yesterday!" exclaimed Sirius

"Oh, that wore off last night, feeling good today though, what's for breakfast?" asked Harry in a fake happy tone which the marauders lapped up.

"Not sure, Molly is downstairs now she will bring you up a plate unless you want to get out of this room?" replied Sirius

"Yeah that would be great, I need to work on my homework again too later, is it okay if I use the library?" asked Harry

"Yes of course, as long as you feel up to it Pup and you keep your leg raised!" said Sirius enthusiastically. Harry nodded before looking around to pick up his crutches, but they were handed to him, he nodded his thanks before the three of them left the room. "Remember to watch out for Kreacher, especially since that leg is on the mend now" reminded Sirius as they slowly made their way down the stairs.

"BREAKFAST IS READY CHILDREN!" called Mrs Weasley from the kitchen as Harry was making his way down the last flight of stairs. A bang of a door sounded and something orange came hurtling at him knocking him off balance, but he was caught luckily by Remus who was behind him just in case something happened.

"Thanks Remus!" thanked Harry gratefully. He nodded and let go of his shoulders once more. The final few stairs went without incident and soon all three of them were in the kitchen, Sirius placed a chair at the end of the table with a cushion which allowed Harry to sit and keep his leg elevated. The Marauders then took a seat opposite and Ginny who had followed them in took the seat next to Harry.

"Tha was Mion's Seat Squirt" called Ron who was stuffing his face.

"Don't call me a squirt just because I wanted to sit next to Harry!" defended Ginny

"He's our best mate" argued Ron

"He is my friend too, don't make a big thing of this it's a seat Ron!" replied Ginny calmly as she picked up some toast from the stack in the centre and gave half to Harry.

"Thanks Gin" said Harry, a lump in his throat forming as the darkness that was constantly on his chest relieved a bit. Ron muttered something that was no doubly rude and inaudible due to the amount of food in is mouth.

"Ronald! Don't speak while you are eating!" Yelled Mrs Wesley from the stove as she stirred some scrambled eggs. The twins chose that moment to apparate into the kitchen with a crack causing Mrs Weasley to spill half the eggs onto the stove. "Every Morning! Can there be one day you two walked down the stairs like normal people!" Remus stood up to help Mrs Wesley sort things out whilst Sirius stuffed his fist into his mouth to stop himself from having a fit of laughter. "Eggs Harry Dear?" asked Mr Weasley.

"no thank you, I am okay with toast thanks" replied Harry reaching over to the butter so he could butter his toast. Mrs Weasley nodded before continuing down the line of children and adults each offering eggs. Harry buttered a slice of toast and nibbled gingerly on the corner remembering what had happened earlier that morning after he had eaten last night. The table soon became too noisy and boisterous that no one noticed that Harry only ate half of a slice before finishing except maybe the young Weasley sat next to him.

Once breakfast had finished Mrs Weasley announced that they would be still working on the drawing room that day, a number of groans could be heard around the table, guilt welled up inside him, he couldn't help because he was so pathetic and useless. Trying to ignore his loud head he excused himself to his room to collect his homework, once there he couldn't hold down his toast anymore and discarded it into the toilet bowl. He hated this, he hated all of it, couldn't he just have one day where he didn't feel so damn heavy and negative.

Harry took a deep breath before throwing on a jumper and making his way down to the library where he set up his books on a nearby table. He unrolled the parchment he was working on the previous day and opened his Herbology book to chapter 7. Soon all he could hear was the scratching of his own quill, it was peaceful and a nice distraction from the negative thoughts in his head. Peace didn't last long; he was soon joined by Sirius who had come to check on him as they were taking a break from scrubbing the walls in the drawing room.

"Thought I would come check to see how you are doing?" Said Sirius quietly as he sat in one of the spare seats next to Harry.

"Going well, not too long to go on this essay now and I will be moving on to History of Magic, so boring I could fall asleep!" relied Harry. Sirius laughed as he read the title of his History of Magic Homework.

"Is Binns still teaching?" he asked

"Yeah"

"Thought so, that's the exact same essay I had when I was in school" laughed Sirius further, "I might still have it if you want some tips?" Harry nodded, Sirius laughed again "Thought you might" and he went over to a desk in the corner with seven draws, he then searched through the fourth one down before shouting "Got it!" as he closed the draw and handed the parchment to Harry

"Thanks Siri" replied Harry

"Welcome, just don't copy it word for word eh?" he winked before leaving the room. Harry was then let alone again and was able to continue with his homework. He soon had finished Herbology and was just finishing up the last few lines of his History of Magic essay as someone entered the room again. Harry jumped and flinched as the door opened as a memory of his Uncle coming into his room at night and taking off his belt came to mind, he tried to shake it out of the memory, but he couldn't, the belt was being lifted higher and higher and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Harry?" called a gentle voice, "Harry its okay" they repeated placing his hands in theirs and soothing him gently until he could breathe rationally again. It was Ginny, her beautiful chocolate eyes swirled as he breathed in and out.

"Sorry Gin, you made me jump" replied Harry quickly "wasn't expecting it, so quiet in here you know" she nodded to say she understood

"Mum said lunch is ready and to come and get you."

"I'm not that hungry and I have to finish this essay"

"Are you sure?"

"Promise Gin, if I am hungry, I will go down and get something"

"Alright, I'll see you later" she said as she left the room

"IDIOT" he shouted out loud to himself. She's going to be suspicious now. Freak, pathetic, disappointment, selfish, hated, stupid. His head repeated, as he finished his essay. His head only got louder as the afternoon went on, even when Remus came to check on him, he could barely understand a word he was saying.

"Why don't you take a break for a bit and come into here with Sirius and I, we want to talk to you about something" Remus asked, Harry nodded and packed up his things his stomach filling with dread hoping that they hadn't discovered the contents of the laundry basket or that he wasn't eating.

Harry followed Remus into the lounge that had already been refurbished, three sofas lined the outside of the room and a muggle television sat on a cabinet on the remaining side. The walls were white and there was cream carpet, it looked very modern.

"Hey Pup, how's that homework coming?"

"Getting there, three essays down three to go I think"

"Well done, we need to talk to you, we realise that during the course of you being injured and collecting you from the Dursleys that we haven't celebrated your birthday! It's the third today already I'm so sorry we missed it!"

"Oh right" replied Harry surprised "With everything going on myself I completely forgot too, we don't need to celebrate I mean I'm fifteen now, it's another day!"

"its not every day my godson turns fifteen, we must celebrate, plus it would be nice to have something positive with our trials coming up"

"Yeah, okay then"

"Perfect, we propose tomorrow as your belated birthday!" called Sirius "Now the others are still working on the drawing room so you are more than welcome to stay in here and have a watch of that box thing, Remus said you might like to watch things on it? You have certainly done your fair share of homework today and deserve to relax for a while"

"It's a television and its like having a larger version of a moving photograph that tells stories, let me show you" said Harry as he took the remote off Sirius and turned the TV on. The TV showed the muggle news, so Harry flipped it over to a known childrens channel he knew Dudley liked, there was a show called Tom and Jerry on and immediately it had Sirius laughing like a fool on the floor, Harry had never watched it properly and laugh along, more at Sirius than anything. Remus seemed to be stuck between laughing and putting his head in his hands.

The three stayed watching the TV through the night and Mrs Weasley brought them in some food since they didn't wat Harry to move his leg too much. Pressure filled his chest as Remus and Sirius watched him eat, so he forced himself to eat everything achieving a overly nauseous state by the time they had finished pudding.

Harry pulled off a fake yawn and told the two Marauders he was still tired from the operation the previous day and needed and early night. Both nodded and hugged hm before letting him leave for his room. It didn't take too long before he emptied his stomach contents into his toilet again that night and was relieved to have that nausea feeling eased slightly.

Dark thoughts threatened to overwhelm once again that night as he tossed and turned trying to find a comfortable position to sleep but they were pushed back, maybe he was finally going to have his first ever decent birthday celebration with his friends around him. Maybe he wasn't as broken as his head told him? Maybe he could be okay? Maybe he didn't need to relieve the pain anymore? He was going to try at least and with that he drifted off to sleep.