The Pilots and the Passengers
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: You guessed it. I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: An AU future, and see below.
Authors note: This is a sequel to The Pilot, and The Pilots.
Author's note: Some sci fi fans may note some things that I have borrowed from other fandoms.
The rest of whatever she was going to say was cut of by the orchestra which was now loud enough to cut off all conversation. However, a dozen Vorlag females danced onto a stage set up in front of the orchestra. They wore blindingly bright dresses and, indeed, the females did have three pairs of boobs. Then they turned around, threw their skirts over their heads and waved some truly massive tails at the audience.
"Those are hair extensions, of course." Yelled a male Vorlag over the noise, "but by the gods, what tails."
An oddly dressed Vorlag sidled up to Jane and Simone. "Pardon, but are you two jolie jeune filles, French by any chance?"
"Oui, et vous?" Simone asked.
"I am called Lucky Pierre Vorlag and I do the danse apache at La Moulin Rouge. Would you care to join me for some vin ordinaire? It has been so long since we have had any news."
"But of course." Simone turned to Rick. "We have our radios and weapons if needful. See you."
Rick and Kate noticed that Skinny had wandered over to where a tout was trying together a crowd.
"Come one, come all. See Crusher Vorlag, the finest arm wrestler ever, in action. Step right up and take a chance. A mere one crown for a chance to win a thousand."
"Forget it." Someone in the crowd yelled. "No one's beaten Crusher in years. Arm wrestling with him is a mug's game."
Crusher glared at the male, but looked rather sad.
"A thousand to one odds?" Skinny asked.
"Exactly my good friend. And may I say, you look like a muscular specimen of your species, whatever that may be."
Skinny shrugged. "I suppose at those odds, why not." He took his coat off and turned Rick and Kate. "You'll be all right by yourselves? This could take a while."
Crusher nodded. "It could take me a bit to beat this jamoke."
Skinny just smiled.
The two humans walked away.
"I wonder if we could get something to eat around here. I sure could use a good cheeseburger." Rick said.
"Did you say cheeseburger, my friend?" A large, expensively dressed Vorlag stopped them and smiled. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dewey. Mayor Dewey, to be exact. Mayor of the Famous Lost Vorlag Monster Raving Looney Perpetual Party Planet. My card." He handed them an expensively engraved business card.
"You're the mayor?" Rick asked.
"Among other things. I'm also a partner in a local law firm." He handed then another business card.
"Dewey, Cheatum and Howe, Vorlags-at-Law?" Rick read with some disbelief. "We don't need any legal services, but we could use a good cheeseburger."
"Just head for Mickey V's and the golden arches, my friend. And don't forget who told you about the place when election time comes around."
They found that the McVorlag's cheeseburgers were Vorlag sized and one would have kept both of them fed for a week, but they ordered a slider apiece and were happy, along with a child sized portion of French fries and a fizzy drink.
"I wonder if anyone around here could tell us about the planets nearby and if any are the one we're looking for." Rick said around a mouthful of a very good cheeseburger.
"Ya lookin' for a nearby planet, sweetie?" A waitress asked. "You should go see Dr. Frankenvorlag. He lives in the spooky old castle on the outskirts of town. Mad as a hatter if you ask me. His perpetual motion machine blew up a couple of buildings on the outskirts of town. But he'd know if anyone would."
"How do we get there?" Kate asked.
"My kid brother, Crash, can take you there. Lemme give him a call on the old Ameche."
"Crash?" Rick said softly.
Kate smiled. "Thank you very much. We'll be happy to go with Crash." Kate turned to Rick. "We do have a mission, remember?"
"Yeah, but with a driver called Crash?"
"Come on." She said, taking his hand.
Crash was exactly what Rick had feared. He wore heavy boots, oil stained jeans, a dirty white tee shirt and a black leather jacket. Rick wondered if he had a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve of his tee shirt.
"You want to go to Doc Frankenvorlag's?" Crash asked.
"We do." Kate said before Rick could say anything.
Crash's ride was also just what Rick had feared. It seemed to be mostly engine and was built low to the ground. It was painted bright red with go faster stripes in gold.
"I got a couple of pillows for you two to sit on so you can see." Crash said, opening the door for them. "Now be sure to buckle up."
Rick made sure they did.
The first part of the ride wasn't so bad as the road was perfectly straight, and, as a pilot, Rick was used to high speed. Things got worse when they started up the mountain. Crash only seemed to know how to use two things on his car: the accelerator and the horn.
But, they eventually pulled up to a grim looking, dilapidated castle. On the door was a nameplate: V. Frankenvorlag, MD."
"So, he's a medical doctor?" Rick asked.
"That stands for Mad Doctor." Crash replied. "I'll wake up Igor so you can get in."
"Igor? You're kidding me."
However, Igor turned out to be a young lady Vorlag who quickly disappeared with Crash.
"Dr. Frankenvorlag?" Rick said as they entered his laboratory. "Can we talk to you for a moment?"
"Chust a moment younk human. I haff an experiment here."
Rick had to admit that the good doctor looked the part. He wore a white lab coat over a three-piece suit, with a pair of pince nez glasses perched on the end of his nose. The hair on his head was white and in disarray. In front of him was a collection of test tubes, glass jars and Bunsen burners, all connected with rubber hoses.
"What are you trying to do?" Kate asked.
"I'm trying to make der perfect pina colada, but I can't seem to get der proportions correct." The doctor poured the results of his experiment into three glasses. He offered two to Rick and Kate. Seeing Kate drink hers, Rick followed suit.
"Too much pineapple." Kate said.
"Not enough coconut milk." Rick added.
Dr. Frankenvorlag nodded. "I do belieff you are right. Now, vat may I do for you?"
Rick explained their mission. The doctor nodded and scratched his head.
"Ve must go to mein observatory. Dis vay, plis."
The observatory was at the top of a very rickety set of stairs, but the observatory itself was in excellent condition, although outmoded by centuries compared to an Imperial observatory. The doctor began looking through his books for any mention of a giant machine of great power, but found none.
"I haff looked efferywhere, but I cannot help you." The doctor said sadly. "I fear dere iss no vun on dis planet who might help."
Sadly, they left the good doctor, but took a large pitcher of improved pina coladas with them.
When they arrived back in town, they found a huge crowd gathered in the town square. A kindly Vorlag put them on his shoulders so they could see.
"It's Skinny and the Crusher." Rick said. "They're still arm wrestling."
"No one has ever lasted this long against the Crusher." Said the male whose shoulders they were on. "This could go on for days."
Rick groaned. They couldn't stay for days.
"We'll go find the rest." Kate said. "Maybe they'll be done when we get back."
They wandered the streets of the town until they heard a piano playing the song that they had seen the can-can danced to. They found Simone playing the piano while Jane Avril danced on stage. Jane high kicked, then danced on one leg with the other almost vertical and ended with a flying splits. The Vorlag dancers who were gathered around broke into applause.
Jane laughed and then went over to Rick and Kate.
"The poor dears really aren't dancers. They just wave their big tails around. I think the males here will enjoy actual dancing more. Oh, is it time to go already?"
"Skinny is arm wrestling with a Vorlag named Crusher. It's gone on for hours. We're hoping to get him to quit so he can go."
Jane shook her head. "A Kzin will never give up for any reason."
"And Crusher won't either." One of the dancers said.
"Do you know where Moecious, Lindane and Andine are?"
"Right behind you."
Sure enough, Moecious was sound asleep with both Lindane and Andine sleeping on his furry chest.
"They're completely limboed out." Jane said.
Once the three had been woken up, all they needed to do was get Skinny. Rick could see that would be a problem.
"Don't worry. "Said one of the dancers. "We'll take care of it for you."
The group wended its way through the crowd until they got to the two still struggling contestants. One of the Vorlag ladies began to run her fingers over Crusher's chest.
"He is so strong."
Another rubbed his face. "And so handsome."
A third tickled him and soon all of the Vorlag girls were flirting with him.
"Ladies, ladies, please." Crusher said. But it was too late. Skinny slammed Crusher's arm down and won.
"That wasn't fair." Crusher aid with a scowl.
"Hey, is it my fault you're irresistible to the ladies?" Skinny asked while collecting his winnings.
"I guess not." Crusher admitted. "How about a rematch?"
"Sorry, we gotta go, but we'll make sure all the Vorlags everywhere hear about the great party here. See ya."
Once back in the ship, Rick had some bad news. "We managed to pick up some food here, and now we have about three month's worth. If we were to head back right now, it'd take us just short of two months, if nothing goes wrong. I think we should try one more planet and then head back."
With that, the Quinncunx let out a high-pitched wail and said, "Fifty-seven by two seventy nine by eighty five. Thirty-one light years."
Everyone was shocked.
"What did he say?" Rick asked, finally.
"Fifty-seven by two seventy-nine by eighty-five. Thirty-one light years." The Quinncunx repeated.
"Those are spatial coordinates." Kate said. "He wants us to go there."
Rick looked at the others. They all nodded.
"Okay. We can get there and still have enough food to get back, easily."
Once there, they were positive this was the planet they'd been looking for.
"Look at the size of that building. The top of it must be in space." Skinny said. "I'm sure there's no bigger building anywhere."
"Land at the top or the bottom?" Rick asked.
"The top." Moecious said. "That way we can make a quick getaway if we have to."
The top was several hundred square kilometers in size, with two pillars about three meters tall in the center. They landed by the pillars.
"According to the sensors, the temperature is about 25 degrees Celsius and the atmosphere is breathable." Lindane said.
"We'll go in our space suits anyway. Kate, Simone and Jane will stay here along with Lindane and Andine."
No sooner had Rick said that than the Quinncunx grabbed onto both Lindane and Jane, and began moaning.
Rick sighed. "Okay, Jane and Lindane go with the Pink Problem and Kate, Simone and Andine stay…"
"No way." Andine said. "I go where my daughter goes."
"Moecious, do you mind staying?"
Finally, the little group left the ship with the Quinncunx in the lead. The little pink fellow stood between the two pillars. When he did so, they could feel a vibration beneath their feet. Somewhere beneath them, machinery was starting up.
The Quinncunx turned and faced them.
TBC